Transcript
Well, well, well, well, well, well. So today, Chandler and I are jumping on because I potentially am going to be out of town next week, so we decided, you know what, better evergreen content to pre-record than some commentary on the cuts article. How to behave. From New York Magazine. Yes. Yes. When these when this dropped, yeah, it took the world by storm and people everywhere were reposting, people can add it to their stories fast enough. Right, right? Absolutely. And really, there are a lot of edicts sent down in this article that I'm not sure I totally agree with or appreciate essentially now having to try to live up to. But I think that we should discuss, you know, things that we thought were noteworthy, you know, lessons on decorum from New York Magazine that we thought either we can learn from or maybe we took umbrage with and totally own rules. Perhaps. Mm hmm. Please. OK, so I'm going to start with the first trailer, which is so according to New York magazine. They say, don't foist your allergies onto a dinner party. This is the descriptor. Once I gave a dinner party with my ex, who was a fantastic cook, he created a five course menu and made the pasta by hand. Then a famous designer, I won't say, who showed up with a blender filled with ingredients for his own meal. He was on some very restricted diet. If I was on a very strict diet or if I were gluten free or vegan or anything, I would not say a word to my host at a dinner party. It's about what the host wants to do. Just pick out where you can then eat when you get home. OK, well, what's funny is that they said the word allergies, which feels like more life threatening than a diet. You know, if you've a peanut allergy, you can ask the host not to cook Thai food well or you can just say you have a peanut allergy. My personal feeling is that the state of having an allergy is so ambiguous it can be anything from pasta or carbohydrates to make me bloated. Yeah, like no s**t that give everyone inflammation and they disrupt everyone's gut microbiome because they're delicious and we eat too many of them. So there's that end of the spectrum to my Korean EpiPen with me at all times, lest an avocado pass my lips imperceptibly and like it is this golf that I feel like there's a big issue with people in the middle trying to pretend that their preferences are actual, you know, life threatening allergies? Sure. Yeah, no, I agree. I think, you know, I might one of my best friends allergic to peanuts. It's very serious. And you know that that's that is a situation that is a health condition. And you know, I think there's a difference between that. And, you know, I get kind of fardy when I eat ice cream. Join the club. Exactly. It's like our host is making us some handmade Pena lobster situation. We are all going to leave here feeling like total s**t, like we need to become catatonic because we've eaten so much and it's so heavy. And that's the point. Yeah, like, yeah, we're not supposed to leave feeling better. This is not eat to live by Joel Furman. This is not like this is food as deliciousness, right? So anyway, this is a major pet peeve of mine, because I feel or I think, yeah, if if the host asks, Hey, are there any allergies I should be aware of? Great, then I think you can say, Hey, I'm trying to eat healthy. You know, I've done that before. I've been like when I have friends who have dinner parties or whatever and they want, you know, feedback on what type of menu to, you know, I have no problem saying, Oh, I'm trying to eat healthier these days or like giving preferences when you know the floor is open to me is when the floor is not open to you or when the meal has already been cooked that the time is right. The time has passed and it's time to just push food around your plate, you know, and seem like you're eating and then, you know, carry out your own smoothie making in the privacy of your own kitchen. Right? Do not bring a Vitamix to a dinner party, people. It's like, mm. So where are these people? Actually, this feels like something you would have done. Oh, I mean, I can tell you a story. So as a woman who's in her youth went on many a diet, there was one time when my high school friends and I went out to dinner at South Coast Plaza, and of course, I was on a raw food diet. But being, I'm probably told this story before, but you know, we're proudest news stories. Everyone's reaching out to listen to the old ones being being classy enough. I'm not going to say, Oh, I'm not going to go to dinner or I can't or not can't eat any of the food. I'm going to go when the waiter asks, so the waiter goes there and asks, where I like, I'm like, Oh, I'm good, I you know, I'm OK, I'll just take a plate. People look at me quizzically, but we just kind of go from there, like 19 or maybe 17 because of the high school anyway. Our meals arrive. I was given a plate. I surreptitiously, you know, as discreetly as I can, pull out two bananas, throw my purse more. The fact that you have made it this far and you still have close friends, you bought a banana. I don't actually know this story. I've never heard that you've never told this before. Oh, really? Yes. I've never heard this. Two bananas. I pulled out two banana SD. Not just one. Actually, the image of two bananas on a plate. It's even more strange, somehow, because I was on a roll filled up when I do something like this. Like, just like a little bit chaotic and unhinged. Super chaotic, super unhinged. Anyway, yes, sure. When I was 19 and had no no understanding of things, certain things make people uncomfortable. Yes, I would have done that. But no, I think I have a little bit better manners now. It actually reminds me of a another situation. So Kagan and I were invited to a dinner party about a year ago. And, you know, the hostess had killed herself to make a stunning meal. Right? Mm hmm. And not only that, but she had killed herself to also provide alternative options for one of the guests who was a friend of ours, who was a vegetarian. And so, you know, she made these gorgeous burgers for everyone. But then she was like, Oh, here you go, x, you know, X percent, I'm going to say their name, I'm going to blast them. But he she was like, Here you go. I made these vegetables for you and she sets out, you know, there's like two trays full of vegetables for which this person is your worst nightmare. Oh, I'm actually not eating. I'm not hungry. I actually know who you're talking about, so I personally am like, floored, right? This is everything our mother raised us not to do. Like, be gracious, you know, be thankful. Like be, you know, if the host makes you dinner, eat the dinner, you know, gobble, gobble it up with joy as you should. When someone makes you a delicious meal. So anyway, so then I leave with Kagan thinking, Well, now let me let me. At least I got to get this out of my system. Like, I got to talk about how awkward that was and how that was just not acceptable. To which Kagan did not even like, delight me in what I think should be a shared pleasure between two partners, which is discussing the people you've just hung out with. Yeah. No, I actually the rules that is literally your duty as someone's husband or wife. It is to talk to everyone who was just at the party. Unspoken vows? Yes. At which point he's like, I don't think it's rude to not eat if you're not hungry. Well, anyway, anyway, we've actually closed loop this. I just laughed about it with our friend. But it is to this day. I shudder when I think about how I shudder as well. And what bugs me sometimes about men is how, how apt they are to give other people the benefit of the doubt. Well, this is what I said, I said, OK, really? You think that's OK? Next time we go to something where it's, you know, one of your people, it's a dinner party for your friends. I'm going to say I'm not eating when the hosts hands me my plate or whatever, and let's see how it goes down. Totally much. Let me go. No biggie then. Yeah, yeah. So anyway, Kagan's literally like five feet away from me right now on the couch. But this is actually maybe why our relationship is gone as far as we can. He literally is not even reacting. It's like he's fully able to tune me out. It's a miracle. Anyway, OK, those were two that I had wanted to make a note on Chandler. Give us some of yours. OK. We're going to switch over to dating. Oh, right, this rule. I felt like I felt like our opinion was very seen with this role. All OK. Ah, previously stated opinion. And this rule is it's OK to go after the first date. You and I have talked about ghosting. I love that New York mag is pro ghosting, and I'm going to even take it a step further. Quite actually quite a few steps further and say that it is OK to ghost up until the fifth date. I think the fifth date is excessive. I'm going to say up until the like, after the third date, you can still ghost third date. So you're up to 3rd, I'm up to 50 percent. What somebody just a state of the Union a text. OK. I don't think you need to hold a press conference, but I do think acknowledging that you're not interested is the polite thing to do. I just feel like if someone's going out with you five times. This is like one of the few times you're like, I'm a nicer person than you on this podcast. Let's just just stop for a second. Everyone's going on dates all the time. I just think maybe the fourth is maybe, you know, a little bit nicer. But I think that it is just par for the course. And also, I'm just a person who would rather be ghosted, I think, than be told, you know. I actually don't like you that much. Well, this brings me to a story I have, which is that I actually think ghosting is the polite thing to do. And that's what I'm saying. I, yeah, I I was once on a I think it was a second date in. The guy walked me up to the door. I was living at home with mom and dad. I think I was like 21, and he walked in the door and then he looked at me and I had I had made a new resolution at this time to be very forthright if I was no longer interested. So I, he said something to the tune of like, Oh, you know, I'd love to see you again, et cetera, et cetera. And I looked him in the eye and I said, I've had a great time with you, but I don't feel a romantic connection. That's what ensued. That was horrible, awkward, like strange couple seconds of exchange as we hurriedly said goodbye. And I like when insight is here quickly as I got through militated the guy. But I wish I had heard so many complaints of like girls not being up front enough and kind of string guys along. And the ghosting was maybe a little more negative then. And so I was like, You know, I want to I want to, you know, I want to put in a good word for women and I want to be upfront. But it actually ended up being, I think, much more cruel. You know, for once in your g*****n life, you put in a good word for women. Exactly. I mean, it's just been I've been breaking down ever since. So the stories that you have managed to tell within the first 10 minutes of this episode that I did not know either of those like, I'm honestly not. I've slept a lot easier. He took me to sun-dried tomato in San Clemente. This is a restaurant meal I got. Yeah, he told me about his sword collection. I remember he had like some sort of samurai sword that was very valuable that he was very proud of. He was very into relics, perhaps Asian relics. So here we are. That's all I remember of that. It was like almost ten over 10 years ago. OK, well, I have some rules. So do you want to hear some of my original rules or you want to keep going on the, you know, the rules that we agree with or disagree? Let's let's just kind of zig and zag, Chandler. Let's keep people on their toes. I want to hear an original rule. OK, here's one of my original rules Don't ask people on Zoom. Where are you? That's what I'm going to say. It's like saying how much money is in your bank account, literally. And also ever since, you know, the 2020 incident, everyone is vacationing at all times and also trying to work in time, like let's stop this culture, let's stop cancel culture. And, you know, let's stop canceling. Other people are calling them out on Zoom for not being, you know, in their tiny little workspace at home just, you know, in front of their computer typing away because they see that the background does not match what they're used. Yes. Yes. That's what I that's what I'm referencing. You probably would have known this more if you were still in corporate America. But yes, like if I've just had this happen and I've seen this happen, you know, and everyone's well-intentioned, I believe. But you know, it's like if your background radically changes and you know, if if it looks like Fiji behind you, everyone's like, Where are you? You know, it's just like, Let's all just let's just give each other, you know, let's just honor code of honor policy. Whatever you you might as well say in a big meeting. Were you able to review the presentation over the weekend before we're here today? The CEO of the company? It's another way. Yes, it's another way of asking How dedicated are you to this job? Yeah, exactly. Exactly. It's another way of asking, Are you on vacation? Are you actually working right or actually providing the value that are so your salary is paying out? It's like fighting words. Fighting questions. Your background? I'm so jealous. Where are you? That's literally a little thing that like, you're a f**kin lazy a*s and I don't respect you and you've honestly no future at this company any time someone ever does that to you next. Tell me their name. I'm going to create a fake Glassdoor account under your name and start writing s**t about them, their manager, about the company. A matter of fact. Wow. Yeah, I love those threats over the air. Exactly. I mean. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. OK. First and last name that way that when that person their Google or will immediately alert them. OK, OK, thank you. Have a role. OK, let's hear it. You're welcome. Always happy, we've been vindictive, Chandler, for you. OK, so my one of my rules is do not ever use the phrase it's not to my taste when qualifying a compliment about someone's new home. So I find that sorry, who are you associating with, like people on like soap operas like who is using this type of language? Is this directed at one person in particular? It's like you're just specific. It's like I have some friend had a conversation with last week and your friend. It sounds like some like b***hy realtor like Rongji or something when looking at your like appraising your home. It's almost like my rules, like if you're in a restaurant with me in San Juan last weekend and you're like, my f**king house, why don't you just say it if I pick you? No, no, no. This is not OK. This is not. This is actually a very this is a blanket rule because they do OK. This is something people do a lot, which is when a place like people be talking about someone who has some multimillion dollar home or gorgeous car or something really great. And then they'll be like, It's not my taste, exactly. But I think it's really nice. And I'll be like, Yeah, no, it's a backhand. You have $30 in your bank account. You're right. You know, one of the, you know, the opportunity to figure out what your taste would be if you can have a 10 million dollar home in the Alps. It's hilarious because I know, I know, I've actually probably said this. I'm like, It's not super me, you know, but like, I'm so happy for them. It's like somebody who is like, can afford something I fully can't afford. And it's like, you know, I wouldn't. It's actually not really my taste to, like, be rich or like, have money like this, just actually not really me. Like, I just want what I saw, how I would do it, how I choose to spend my money, you know, like money doesn't equal taste ever heard of that? But, you know, I'm like her and that she's happy. Like, there's nothing more satisfying, as you know, as a renter than saying money doesn't equal taste after being in some fresh apartment. A hundred percent, absolutely. It's like, Well, this isn't equal taste how you like. Some people sleep at night with that phrase. It's like a retreat on a cushion. It's just as I was. Oh, you're not allowed to say that unless you could also purchase it is my room. Yes. Oh, I love that. Yep. Yep, yep. Yeah. Otherwise just say, well, everyone is being put in their place, including myself. I mean, no, including myself, because I know I have done this and I just think it's like it might be true, like in the alternate universe. Or I could also live in a $20 million house or whatever. Ten million dollar house. Like sure, I might acquaint it somewhat differently, but do I need to qualify my thoughts with that? No, right? No. You know my compliments that no, let's just all be positive. I love. That's a great. That was a journey. Thank you for taking us on it. I can. Can I just have to tell you, I woke up in the middle of the night last night with a little bit of anxiety. I had half an early bird gummy and I swear to you within 30 minutes, I was peacefully dozing off. Early bird CBD gummies are magic. They're truly magic. They are literally magic. I don't want to travel without them. I don't want to be without them. I think it's the twelve point five milligrams of CBD, two point five milligrams of THC. It's that little c**ktail. It gives you the warmest Julius fuzzy feeling. It feels so good. It's so light. Also, one bottle last so long, it's a lot of product. Also, I feel like I prefer it to drinking at this point. Absolutely. You guys go to Earlybird CBD. Com Use Code Pop Apologists 20 for 20 percent off your order. You will not regret it. Earlybird CBD Icon Use Code Pop Apologist 20 OK, here's another one. This is from the you know and mag list. Don't browbeat people into playing a game. I do. First of all, I wrote just next to this full stop because I could not agree more, could not agree more. I hate. I hate being in a party or I'm forced to do an activity that I don't want to do. All I want to do is like, have a little drink, chat with some friends. Like I do not like being forced into any type of activity. Ever see, I used to my old boss at stance. He was very into games and yeah, and I had fun playing them. And so this is when Kagan and I were first dating. And so I remember we threw a Thanksgiving party and I decided that we should all play werewolves. And this was, yeah, this is like this party. Where are you? Where were? No, it's like it's like that part. It's like that party game where it's like, who's the werewolf? Who's the murderer? You know, like you all drone cameras or whatever. Yeah, like mafia. Anyway, it's a variation on that game. So I remember I like, browbeat everyone into playing it because it was like, sure, it was going to be so much fun and take like a hit. Mortified. That was not the culture as friend group to do like organized games. Totally. You know, and people find their people. I think, you know, anyone who wants to be playing board games at parties like are having those parties. It's just like, if you're, you know, if you're inviting mixed company over, don't force them to play a game. OK, I've recently, you know, had to make this clear to groups of friends of mine that they do listen to this podcast that, you know, I don't like a certain game that we've played, you know, on some of our vacations. And you know, we have mended fences. Everyone is really respectful of my taste and my preferences with, you know, when it comes to board games and you know, it's been it's, you know, we've been closer since that. And because of that, our friendship is stronger. I'm creating a rule on the spot came right now because I think in in reaction to this, they get the ask of a game might mean that the party is a little low energy. OK, yeah. And so I'm going to have a new new rule, which is perk up buttercup. OK, have something to f**kin say. Have some a thought about a current event. Have a question. OK. If you're in a group of 10 people and everyone is at brunch. Do not let more than four seconds hang in the air before someone breaks it with a stimulating piece of information or a thought. I think sometimes people are too relaxed, even, you know, especially amongst friends. And we need remember we're here to entertain each other. We're not just here to take up space. Wow. Wow. Someone honestly like, give this woman a podium and a platform. She's amazing. It's true, though. It is a perfect episode for you. It is just the case in social situations. You're not just there to eat the pie prepared for you by the host. You're there to dance a little jig to sing a little tune, to be entertaining, to provide a moment of relief. Honestly, I could not agree more. And I do think, though, as someone who. Doesn't let silence ever basically happen. I have had to release myself a little bit from the court jester role because I will leave certain social situations where no one talks utterly exhausted because I feel like I'm doing, you know, jumping jacks and somersaults right to keep this conversation going. Yeah, yeah, it's OK. It's definitely a curse. I think we were raised with because our our mother was always very concerned with, I think all of us behaving well in social situations. Right, right. And I extend that same judgment to those I'm surrounded by. The same standard. Yes, honestly. But I think it's I think it's actually part of your personality not to relinquish. Because I just think that there's something about being aware of a social environment and like how things are going and if maybe the energy needs to be picked up. And oh yeah, like this needs to get more fun. Someone's put a lot of effort into this party, right? OK. I mean, honestly, that's the that's the curse that I feel like I have. It's like, if someone's throwing a party, I feel extremely like, oh, watched their emotional state at the time are they have a good time? Is everyone having a good time? Are people reacting enough to the stuff that they've prepared for us? It's like as fun as they wanted it to be? Right, right? Like, are people leaving too soon? Like, Who's there are enough people there? It's honestly a nightmare. I need to be medicated. I think told us a story growing up about like going to a birthday party and like, literally no one showed up. And I just feel like it like for her friend. And I think it like scarred all of us so much. And mom was just like, always so. But put it on us like, it is your job as a guest, literally to make sure that the event is going well. And I do think Chandler, if maybe that if if everyone felt that way, you know what they say? Many hands make a light load. It's true. It's true. And honestly, that's something I take issue with is people who are far too comfortable letting other people, you know, do all the, you know, the conversationalist work. I, my friend Drea is a great conversationalist, and I've learned a lot from her because she asked a lot of good questions. You know, like like, you know, just like from a range of, you know, like more serious ones to more playful ones. And I think that that makes you a great dinner guest and a great friend. And you know what? Sometimes I think that it's not even just about being polite. It's also about making it fun for yourself, too, if maybe things are really taking a more sleepy turn. But anyway, we're believing this. Okay, wait, too long. Let's move along. I have another, another party related rule. Great. This is from last year's list. Shawn Santo Domingo. The fact that I thought Domingo. Yes. So her rule was never ask people to take their shoes off in your home. I'm just going to say this is one of the more out of touch rules for me because living in New York, which I know she does like. Clearly, she has someone who mops her floors every single day. I do not. I'm not interested in Swift Swiffer on a daily basis, even a weekly basis. So yes, everyone's going to be taking off their shoes when they come into my home. I also think that even if you are mopping and all that is just gross, it is gross. I don't want I am a no no shoes home. So I guess LSD is never coming to our condo in Puerto Rico. Never, but honestly in my apartment. But like I, I just I'm totally against that rule. I remember Saturday after party, I was asked to remove my shoes. I'd it definitely ruined the outfit. The entire like structure of my look was changed and not for the better because I had to remove my, my beautiful, strappy, bedazzled heels. But I did so. And you know what, in a someone's clean home, they don't want all the crap from the outside. OK, now in, especially if you live in a big city where there's literally poop everywhere. I'm sorry. That's my feeling. If you don't want to remove your shoes, bring booties. Oh, my gosh. This is a great depth story. We were not even planning on half of these stories, but everyone should know that our mother has small baskets with booties, white booties at the at the bottom of every doorway, ready for any any guests who might enter any workman. She might have her work women. It's yeah, it's a roll of hers because our mom is also insistent about shoes in the house. And honestly, like, it is a good rule. You don't want people who have been walking through, like, who knows where they have been, you don't want, you do not want them tracking that end. So I am fully on board with this role. Yeah, absolutely. OK, I've got another original rule. You're ready right now. Yeah, you go, OK, well, all. Yeah, I'll go. So one of the rules in this article is dispersed. Don't clump the superstars at the table. So the then the person expounds and never, ever make a superstar, whether they're famous or just extremely charismatic. Face a wall. They always face the room. They must be allowed to sparkle. I once saw a very famous actor facing a while at a dinner party. He didn't say anything to me, but I think he was upset and I've often thought about it. So someone commented and they said, I don't get all the advice around famous people or celebrities. I lived in L.A. for 20 plus years and I've only ever met one celebrity in a casual social setting. I don't need a half dozen rules about how to interact with them, literally. This is why people are saying these rules are out of touch. Seems like there's a whole section on what to do when have celebrities over? I mean, they got, you know, I someone's violin on these situations. Now I know what to do it out. Yeah, exactly. So funny. I mean, especially when you're faced with the problem of whether to disperse or clump the superstars. What stars do even superstars? Right, right. Don't help the superstars at the table. Well, now you love New York mag, but yeah, classic New York mag. OK. Ready for another one? Yes, ready. This one is, I think, could get us some heat, but I think we should talk about it with, you know, and be open hearted. Are you ready? No, have an open heart, an open mind. No dogs and grocery stores or restaurants. I, you know, I'm a person who thinks dogs are very cute. I do not have a dog because I am allergic. But in New York, dogs are everywhere in. Oh, really? And this is something that does bother me. And I have a lot of friends with wonderful dogs, and I think their dogs are so sweet and I do have love for them. But that being said, living in New York has shown me another world of dog owners who just bring their dogs into these very, very cramped spaces that are already like brimming with people and, you know, random s**t. And then there are, you know, dogs everywhere. So when you when we sat down to record this podcast today, did you think I'd like to get as many one stars, one star reviews as possible? Honestly, I don't even know if we should leave this in because I just know it's good. Like, I think I'm alienating half of my friends right now when I talk about this, and this is what you know, this is what I'm worried about, frankly. I remember I once went to dinner with some friends in Nashville, and this the only time I've ever been in Nashville. We were stopping through on a long drive. And anyway, they brought their dog and then they had the dog got like water, like they server brought out water under the table. And I remember the dog, like, made this huge mess under the table at the water, and it just seemed like I was this indoors or outdoors, indoors. Hmm. And yeah, but they are not good manners, right? I have no problem with dogs, like with people who are dining outside, having their dogs with them. That doesn't bother me. It's really just the indoor factor where I'm like, You know, this is I like, expect dogs to be around when I'm outside and I enjoy it. It's just that when I'm like in a crowded bodega or like today, when I went to the grocery store and I couldn't even get by because like, you know, not only is like a person taking up space, but then they have like this little perimeter where they're like, dog is attached to them. And a lot of times, like bigger dogs, too. And I also just think that it's maybe a little bit gross, like dogs have germs like, you know, they don't always like, wipe their butts. And I just don't know if I want them in my grocery stores or inside restaurants. Yeah, I think that it's a totally fair rule. I think that if you're in a position where you can order, you know, with a roof over your head and emotional support martini, you don't need your emotional support animal. There we go. Yeah, I mean, I literally I feel like we're going to get canceled for this. And I just want, you know, anyone who's listening, who knows me and has a dog to know that I love them and I'm obsessed with them. And this is coming from a place of love and compassion and me speaking my truth. I mean, knowing the kind of people we are, though, if we ever did get dogs, we probably would turn into those people who like, bring them up. Oh for sure. Aren't you so happy to see Buster who walks the maitre d? Aren't you going to get a dog? Don't you want a dog? I want a dog. But Kagan put the kibosh on it. Why? I think he just thinks they don't know what I'm getting myself into. It's too long, it's too late to be really good for you. I mean, I agree it would be good for me, especially my likability. But yeah, he's he's secure some politician, get this girl a dog. It'd be good for my approval ratings, but Kagan is saying no. So here we are. We'll say, OK, how good a callous animal afraid Bish for now. OK, Lauren, do you have another rule or do you want me to go? I have a rule that I'd like to review with you because I think it vindicates me. Ready. Mm hmm. In defense of Lauren Bledsoe, this rule should be called. It's OK to email, text or DM anyone at any hour. This is what the writer says. There's nothing worse than being woken up at 2:30 a.m. with a dumb text or a slack notification. So why did you do that to yourself? Phones and computers have great tools now to manage your time away, including setting working hours. Muting types of notifications were responsible for which flashing lights and noises we let into our lives. Because of that, anyone should feel free to text a friend or message a coworker at any hour. We can't successfully move into the future unless we recognize that the onus is on the receiver, not the sender. Hmm. As we all know, it is one of my toxic traits, especially when I was wedding planning to tax animal whenever the hour struck. Usually my anxiety at 2:00 am. So anyway, I felt like I've vindicated me. If Apple had a feature where we could schedule tests, I would happily use it, but it doesn't. So here we are. I wish that you would text me. Not until it's like 8:30 in the morning, but I'm an hour ahead of you. About business related things. I'm an hour ahead of you. So that means have to wait till 9:30 have been up for two and a half hours. Sorry, I'm. I do wish you would abide by that rule. I mean, she would abide by that. You're always on do not disturb. Anyway, I just assume you'll see when you get up. Yeah, but still, it's like even knowing that I have a task from you or that I have some outstanding questions I need to answer. It's just like, allow me to read one. What do you want to record? Well, that's usually the question. I don't even want to think about that question. I just want to work well. Great. Don't look at your text messages then. Well, that's really vacations. That's really hard. Well, it's really hard for me yourself down there. The onus is on you. According to her New York magazine writer. I agree this is one reason why I really do love having a work phone. I think if you don't have a separate phone for your work dealings, this rule is very hard and it is. It's like, Well, I just I want to turn my brain off to work, but I don't want to turn my brain off too, like texting my friends, you know? So it is nice because I can fully turn off my pings and just like, not look at them all weekend because they're on a separate phone. But a lot of people don't have that luxury. So I don't know. I'm kind of like wishy washy on this role. Well, I I just think that making other people wait to text you when they think that you're going to find it amenable. Like, why do we have to carry that burden? It appears to an individual to juggle a lot of international friends and a lot of different places. How am I supposed to even know what time zone most people are on that I'm texting that I'm cavorting with you. If you're sending them something funny that they can look at at their, you know, at their own time, at their own leisure. That's fine. I can get a text like that, you know, around the clock. But if it's a text like, Hey, give me a call like, I don't want to get that from you in the middle of the night or early in the morning, obviously, you know, I think should be some caveats with this rule, by the way, that was a joke. You guys, I do not have many international friends like Chandler's basically my only friend. So that was a joke is not true. And you actually do have international friends, really? Do I, Chandler? Keep going at your wedding. I feel like that. We're international. I was trying to be, I mean, I I'm just trying to be more likable. Can you help me on that in that quest? OK? You're right, Lauren. You're right. I am your only friend. Thank you. OK, here we go. Next rule. Yeah. OK, so here's a rule I have Chandler. This is rules for tipping, and this is my personal policy that I abide by at all times because I think that right now we're in a position where we're asked to tip for everything on this planet. I would be shocked if I make my tax payment and like there is in some like square thing that pops up, or I can tip the IRS. Twenty five percent. Anyway, here's my rule if I am expected in the establishment, I am paying in to bust my own table. That means bring my plate up to a certain designated area or to remove my coffee cup from the table and put it in the trash if I am expected to clean up after myself in an environment. Then there are no required tips. I am purchasing goods. I can tip if I would like to, but is not required if I'm in a cafe, a place where it's expected that I will leave the porcelain mug on the counter. A tip I believe is required. But other than that, a tip is like, except for example. This is why you tip for a c**ktail. You leave the glass on the table. You don't bring it back to the dish. Someone has to facilitate that. But if I'm getting a latte, it's actually, I think, just a nice thing, a tip. It's not required. See, I remember us always tipping, though a dollar when we go through coffee pot. Yeah, that's because we wanted the goodwill of specific baristas who would be surly with us if we did it. That's true. We were honestly being threatened. We were under yeah. It was like, yeah, we were like hostages to that tip line. Oh my gosh. Yeah, I know exactly you're talking about. I love this rule and Lisa isn't talking about, I guarantee you she's not listening to this podcast. What was the guy's name? What was the guy saying? Oh, I forgot his name. He was. They were both sort of surly. Oh yeah, yeah. Anyway. OK, I like this rule. I like this approach. I also agree that the tipping has completely gotten out of hand. I also like I was just going to actually have like a whole speech about this. But you can go and I'll at my speech. Well, I just think they're like, there places where I regularly see the person and they regularly, you know, like, remember me or I just, you know, I just think they're I'm not quite as there's not like a hard and fast rule for me, but I certainly do not tip everywhere I go. Like, that's not a restaurant. I was like, I always tip at a restaurant. But in terms of restaurants, casual stuff like, here's one thing I'm not tipping at Starbucks, ever. Sorry. Yeah, OK. This is this is what I think. I think that if that is not the job of the consumer to make a job worth more than it actually is to the marketplace, right? So like if the job, yeah, it's almost like a delivery adds, it's as if your job is not making enough money. It's not because people aren't tipping enough, it's because it's just simply not making enough money. And I just and again, if you're a server, I agree I've been a server. You live on tips. Everyone should tip 20 percent minimum. I am totally on board with that. But like there are certain jobs, jobs in the economy right now, which I think are propped up by basically guilting that can. Sumer, into, you know, into paying more, and I just wish that instead, these things cost it more and we just we didn't have to deal with the analysis paralysis. I have a actually a question for your scenario, but you still tip like delivery stuff, right? Like those jobs. I'm like, I've always got a tip. Yes, very well. I definitely tip with them, but I wish that they just cost and more because I think that I don't I don't have to be like, Do I do five dollars? Do I do 20, 20 percent? Do I do 18 percent? I don't want to have to make that. Like, why does an Uber Eats just make it what it costs to be a viable business? I agree. I would rather certain things be more expensive and just eat and have the like the option to tip. It's like, yeah, like literally at Cafe Rio, I feel like they like, ask you to tip when you're like picking up, take out there. It's just like, what? And also, a lot of these places don't even give the tips to like the it's not like it's going directly to that person. It's like, it's like another way, I feel like for the company to like to make money. Well, it's worth the wait for the company to pay their employees less and then put it on the consumer to pay their employees where I just feel like just pay the employee and then figure out a business model that makes it profitable. You know, don't you bake it into the costs, right? And I'll I'll deal with it. For me is like, I think I'd rather my coffee cost like, OK, if my right now, like if I go get a cold brew for my favorite place, it's a large cold room about five dollars. So then once I tip, it's around six dollars. Like, I think I would feel better if like the I guess like I don't know what the coffee costs five, five, 50, flat or something, you know, but I just have to tip. The decision is annoying. It's stressful. All right. Well, and especially when the person's like right in front of you flipping the screen over to you. Yes, this is coercion. So right? Anyway, OK, I've got another rule. OK, don't tell people they look like other people. I could not agree with this more. I think that the only exception to this rule is if you are saying the person, the unless the person you are referencing is certifiably hot, like truly, truly hot. That's the only time when I want to hear that I look like someone like this person, they better have a contract with Forbes. Yeah, better be like IMG. Better be trying to steal them. All right. Absolutely. Absolutely. Absolutely, absolutely. I remember someone messaged me this is in my early 20s that I looked like someone who saw any illicit video. I proceeded to find the video. Of course, they need to figure out who I look like, and then I proceeded to ask him to verify that I was definitely prettier than this person. It is literally like the rudest thing you can do. It's verbal. It's not really a friend. Also the guy. It's also it's just like no better, you know, like just don't be a bonehead, like, think it through a little bit more and just don't tell someone they look like someone else unless that person is extremely hot, like. Like, society has agreed that this person is not like unless it's like you look like Margot Robbie, you know. Great take. Thank you. OK, I will say I have a rule that goes along with this, which is that never, never, ever tell someone that they don't look their age. I personally think that this is something that starts happening to basically probably everyone at some point or another. And I just think that the the undercurrent of that is it's not a good thing to look how old you are. And it doesn't matter if you're 24 or 45 or how old you are. No one wants to hear about the fact that looking however old they are would be a negative thing like, you know, like that. And so don't tell someone that they don't. Oh, you don't look that like, OK, it really perpetuates. It just perpetuates the idea that, like, all age is bad. All aging is bad. Yes, like getting older anyway is bad. And it's just like, Don't I just hate that? I hate that. And I think, just tell someone this, don't it just don't even comment. You know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah, OK. Oh, it's almost like commenting on someone's body or weight loss. It's just me all this time. Just you know what I mean? You don't act like you don't notice those things. It's human to notice. Like things just don't. You just don't want to be observed that way. Yes. Yes, you can. I think you can give someone specific compliments like, Oh, you have such beautiful skin or, you know, or you give us a compliment about someone's body. No, I don't think so. Beautiful. Beautiful. I remember I told, No, I remember. I told this girl. I mean, you could tell that to me, you know, give me a well, it's my body as much as possible. But I really don't think a lot of people want them. Like I remember, I was on this trip with this girl and I was like, You're just so gorgeous. I was like, Your body, you're so athletic. And I could just tell she didn't want to hear it. And anyway, I just think that it's like not of our time. No, I agree. I think like also, yeah, just just just find something else, you know, to say to that person. And I think skin is a great compliment. If you want to tell someone they're beautiful or like, you want to give someone more specific compliment, I think skin is a great way to go, right? Or I think you can always tell someone you're like, You're so wrapped. It's incredible, are like, you're so in shape. I'm so jealous, so or so healthy. But I just I just think that any compliments like you're so skinny or oh yeah, I mean, and curvy, even like I know great curves. I know one. Yeah, no, no. Yeah, keep it to yourself, Kibati yourself. That being said, Lauren had a beautiful a*s. Thank you. Yeah, except unless you're talking to me, in which case I will take any and all compliments. Except please don't. I don't look how old I am, which is my thing here. OK, another question, OK? Another OG rule for me are original rule. I should say OK. It's perfectly OK to say I am low energy as an excuse for declining plans. I think that, you know, at times when you need to decline plans and you just really aren't feeling up to it, you want to come up with some elaborate excuse. I was exposed to comb it four days ago. You know, now you know, my dog ate my homework, yada yada yada. I just think it's OK to commit. Four days ago, I exhibiting no symptoms. Yeah. And I appreciate people being forthright and saying, I'm feeling a little low energy. I actually had a friend use this excuse and I was like, I want to use that more because I feel like it's like appropriate. It's not like, Hey, I need all this attention, but it's just like, Hey, I just don't think I'm going to be as much fun to me because I'm feeling a little low energy. Mm hmm. No. Is this plans are canceling on or is it plans that you are declining in the declining plans? I'm definitely someone who keeps pressure canceling, not like bailing or flaking, necessarily. I mean, that's that's a whole other can of worms. I am a little bit more flaky and you know, it's something I'm working on. But I do think if you need to decline plans and you feel compelled like you don't want to decline them or you want to come up with some like type of elaborate lie or white lie, I think it's OK to say I'm feeling low energy. I think that's totally fine. I think that it will be fine if this is the first time the plants have been brought to your attention. If these are plans that you have already committed to inmate and a restaurant reservation is secured, then just taxing what you're feeling low energy, it's buck up buttercup. In my opinion, you've already committed one of the raids. Yeah, someone has already planned their night round it. They're looking forward to it. So. Oh, totally. I mean, like, I don't think it's it's a if you're going to flake on someone, make up the covert excuse like, you know, be smart. I honestly, I just think that people are too soft. They give themselves too much leeway these days, and I don't believe in all the counseling that people do anyway. Those are my parting words, I think. Yeah, I just think that was really the first person to be like, I don't want to record. I'm in a bad mood. That's OK. But that's so true. But that is also not social. There's no plans on my social calendar, and that doesn't happen that often. It's not like that. No, I know. I'm just saying, you are. You also give in. Hmm. You also give into your moods, you know, or your life you the way. But the day is subject to change your energy levels. It's true, but I but when it comes to my social things that I've committed to, I very rarely will not feel like going and bail. Very rarely. So maybe you're just, you know, having more fun plans than I am, I guess. No, I actually I really don't like that much, says the girl, who was like, I am pretty flaky, like five minutes ago. I'm just saying it's something I've actually I think I've gotten a lot better about doing, you know? OK, I have a rule, Chandler, right? Hmm. This is not specific at all to me. I actually swear it's not because this was a rule that this was something that I felt way before I was planning my own wedding. But this rule is never complain about attending weddings or going to a wedding, ever. It is. So the temptation is there. Weddings are expensive, especially destination. Wedding season is expensive. If you're a multiple, it's a lot like, I totally get it. I just think that it's really in bad taste, and I think that you either accept an invitation and are classy about it and go or you decline and you then there's nothing to complain about. But I just think that complaining about having to go to weddings is just it's something that I heard a lot before I planned my own wedding, and it made me really bummed out when I was planning my wedding because I felt like I had everyone's complaints about having to go to other weddings in my head. So, yeah, the personal definition of that was something that you shined a light on for me because I thought I was just like, normal to complain all the time about weddings. But you know, you can impact people. The day will come when you're planning your own, and then suddenly all those voices will be in your head. And it's not good karma for your own wedding some day. And also a wedding is like basically a party that you had to go to. Especially, it was not a destination, it's just an elaborate free party. So complaining about it, it's not in good taste. So true. OK, I've got another rule. OK, please. Right, the damn car, OK? I think that thoughtful texts are wonderful, but handwritten cards are just simply the best. I couldn't agree more. I haven't written a card and send it out in years, but I was, yeah, I mean, I I know I wrote a handwritten thank you notes to people for coming to my wedding, I wrote. You know, I do that, but I haven't sent a card of the mail randomly. Yeah, like I'm talking about like a like a birthday card or a valentines or an anniversary card. Oh my gosh. Yes, yes. I just yeah, no, I do not show up to a birthday gathering without a card. Yeah. Even if you don't live in the same place as something, if this person is a close friend like and I'm not, I'm not perfect at this, but I have friends who are honestly better than me at it. And they write like a handwritten card like mail to me. And I think that's a lovely thing. I will tell you that one of our friends, we had no gifts, wedding, but our friends. Still, they brought a card and it really was so sweet. And that's a lot like. And it just was just he just to get that card, get that handwritten note. I also think that the act of writing a card really forces you to be present in like what you're going to say to that person and really forces you to be thoughtful. Not that I'm writing, not that writing a text can be thoughtful, but I just think you can. I don't know. There's something about being a little like quickly delete what you were going to say and like, you know, do a bunch of drafts that maybe takes you a little bit out of the presence of like, OK, now I'm going to sit down and really think about what makes this person special and like, fill a page with my like thoughts about them. Mm hmm. Yeah. Yeah, I think that it is. It's just a lost art. So everyone, get all your ink and quill tonight, if you can. And, you know, penned some words of affection someone and post it in the mail and just feel the karmic rewards as they manifest. I have one last roll. Just send us home. If you if you want to share it, please. OK. This is my last role. Women can use the word b***h, but men cannot. Oh, I like that rule. I think this is a good role. EIPs, I agree with it that oh, there's no expounding. No, I mean, that's full stop. This is self-evident. Mm-Hmm. Yeah, I'm with I'm with you there. I think this is true. I absolutely agree. I think that if you want to say that word as a woman, I certainly do enjoy it, but it just doesn't come off. Great coming out of a man's Oh no, no, it just it's not a good luck. It can say that word, and I would be none too pleased if I did. Yeah, right, right. Oh, I have a rule that I we passed right through Chandler. I don't care if you're on a twenty two hour flight to Zimbabwe, to Mozambique. There is absolutely no scenario or situation that makes your bare feet acceptable on a plane. Absolutely. Balasore, you're sure you can take off your shoes and you can just have your socks on. I will allow the plane, but bare feet on a plane. I do not want to see your toe hairs. It's frankly appalling. Airplanes, disgusting. I have seen it so many times. Do you still see a MA in business or first class? No, because you're actually feet are like, hit in there. I was just traumatized once when I saw someone's someone, someone he put put his feet in like the the head of pot and toward it, the pocket of like this f**king kidding. His whole row is empty, so he put his feet in the pocket of like the he was in a window. He put it in the aisle pocket and it was just like, so gross to me. I just, yeah, I've been scarred ever since. So you should be sorry that, yeah, do I need to talk about my trauma counselor? I hope I can do an ayahuasca ceremony to expunge that memory from my brain. I don't even know if there is enough ayahuasca, you know I'm going to to help you process that. I airplane roles are just that's a great some other segment we could do because there's quite a few. I do think, you know, we I was actually recently talking to some friends about, you know, if you have to get up to pee on an airplane, like how many times are you allowed to get up to pee on a like every bit, you know, like are you allowed on, let's say, a four hour flight? How often are you allowed to get up to pee? No more than two, right? Oh, that's a tricky one, because I this is why I choose IOC, I know. Are you in the aisle or no? Oh, you're talking about like this is a whole. I think if you're having. Yeah, I guess the Russians as you like, right? You right? Right, right? If you're middle or window, I think there's I think that you can get up once every hour and a half. Is it the most and it's the most? It's acceptable. I think that if you know, though, that your bladder is that small, you better get your a*s in an IOC, which I do, which I do. I make a point to that. You do. Nothing is worse than trying to get over a sleeping person to use the restroom. I mean, it's a horrible feeling to hellscape. I've got another plane roll. OK. And I've broken this rule, but I it's something I'm trying to reform myself about. Do not bring any pungent foods on a plane. Do not get that. Don't get like that. Like, I just know one time I got like Mediterranean in the Salt Lake airport well and then proceeded to eat it within the first hour of my flight. And that wasn't fun for anyone. It was fun for me, but it wasn't fun for anyone else, and I still feel guilt about that to this day. I mean, let's just take a step further. OK. Do not bring over. It's fine if it's a cooler full of like like snacks and cheeses, I don't care about that. You have a small pouch, cool cooler pouch, whatever. Not ever seen anyone do that. Yeah, I do not bring any food from the airport, fast food restaurants in a to go container onto the flight. It's gross. There's something about it because. It's under no proper airflow, and you subject everyone to the fumes of your food like in there forever. The packaging is too large for that tiny little tray. Correct. And so you're like encroaching on people's free space in some way, even if you're not, it just it feels intrusive. We ask you to refrain on this podcast. We really ask you. We're begging you if you are in the aisle seat, do you have both armrests? Do you just have one? What's the policy there? Oh, I think that the armrests go to the person in the middle seat unless they're not using it. Yeah, does that person shows any inclination to be using both armrests there? That person's right, the person who is suffering through being sandwiched in like, Oh, really, you think you're on the aisle or the window? And you also deserve to sit like a king with both your elbows rested? That's not what $700 round trip to Barcelona gets you. OK? No, no, no. Yep. OK, let. Yeah, go ahead. No, it's great. It's great. I completely agree. I've got another one for you. I would like you to rule on judge. So the, you know, the age old debate of can you lean your seat back or is it extremely rude to leave your seat back? Because we discovered within our own family we have wildly different opinions about this and even obviously within my own relationship, we have different opinions. Hmm. It's hard. This is a tough one. So I think that if the seat reclines and the person behind you, I think that if you're if you're sitting in front of the person who's in the last row of the plane, they can't see, they cannot recline their own seat. You know what? It's just there's a special place in hell for reclining your person near your seat onto that person. If you're if you're saying if you're in the second to last row like like on the very back of the plane, think twice before the subject stops. The person behind you cannot do it. Think Christ. But now can. It's fair game. It's all fair game. That's exactly where my head is at. It's like, Well, you also have this luxury. I'm not thinking about you that you can't get back for yourself, you know, with your own vertical space. And it's it feels like it feels like tipping in like all these random situations. It's like this thing. It's like either make the seats recline or not, but don't create this weird social rule. We have to act like we're that's such a good take. That's exactly what it is. So one thing that bended that annoy the s**t out of me. And you know, I went to go to the bathroom one time on a flight. I had my seat recline. I was sleeping, I think or whatever. So it was a client. I got up to go to the bathroom and he re-upped my seat while I was in the bathroom. OK, no. To make it a little nicer on the person behind me for the two minutes I was in the bathroom. Was he trying to like, was he trying to be rude to you? And the relationship? Literally. It was like it was the most clear assault on me on, you know who I was, my character, my comfort, you know? It was like, You know what? It really was? It was your needs don't matter. Yeah, it's it's it's I want to look good in front of this person in the seat behind us. This stranger? Yeah, I want to look like I want to like have like a look of apology on my face. I want them to think I'm not, you know, just so, you know, I don't approve. I don't know. That's literally it. Literally that like just so, you know, like this, she's on her own with this one. Yeah, exactly. Mm-Hmm. OK, I'm super with you. I'm I'm very much with you. There is VIDEO Does I think Courtney have the opinion that it was rude? I think Kagen know Kagan always leads a seat back, so he's with us on this. So I actually think the majority of us are of the same mind. No, Courtney doesn't think it's rude. Courtney does not think it's rude to wait in your seat back. I thought that was why. I think it's rude. Somebody in our family or she maybe she just posted about it on her story. And yeah, it was very 50 50. Yeah, yeah. Well, you guys, we pray that you're never on a flight with us because clearly, you know, we're still breaking our own rules through, you know, we're just living and learning as we're going. Thank you for tuning in to this spicy episode about our rules. Exactly. If you like this podcast, give us a review on iTunes. Five Stars. We love it, Chandler. Thank you so much for joining me. Enjoy everyone and have a great week and we will see you next time. By next time by. That's all for now, folks. Don't forget. Give us a five star review. Hit us up on Instagram at pharmacologists and we will see you next week. Live every Wednesday.
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