Transcript
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Get it done ! Download the app or go to Angie Icon. That's an geekcomp to get started. All right, this show brought to you in part by SimpliSafe if if you have 30 minutes, you never have to worry about break ins ever again, just go to simplisafe.com/adam. Get all the sensors you need, all the help you need as well to set it up. Custom systems going to show up posthaste at SimpliSafe.com/ well in the first half. Comedian Jonathan Kite has many impressions, shows up so damn funny. Talk about the Sid and Marty Craft Convention and what went wrong. First, there's Geico. Would you love to save some money on your insurance? Of course you would. And who doesn't love a deal when it comes to great rates on insurance for everything? Geico can help insurance for your car, truck, motorcycle boat, RV, even your homeowner's condo or renter's insurance. They are all covered with GEICO. Save even more with special discounts when you bundle coverages together. 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And finally, you know the guys from Caviar Farm well enough by now and this month you'll get a $25 off coupon to be used sitewide at the Caviar Farm because we're not sure how we did it, but this entire box is just twenty five dollars at Carolla Drinks dot com. Sign up for one or keep the shipments coming at Girl a drink scone and. And from Corona one studios in Glendale, California, this is the Adam Carolla show. Adam's guest today, comedian Jonathan Kite with Gina Grant on News Ball, Bryan on Sound of X, and we head into the Furious four of March Madness, Madness and now. Relieved the administration is continuing to pause repayment of all his student loans. Adam Carolla. Yeah. Get it on. Got to get it on a choice and a mandate to get it on. Thanks for tuning in. Thanks for telling the friend we love that about you, right? Gina grads Ray in Melbourne. You know, they really don't need this right now. Like, I mean, a lot of pain. All right. Well, on the cartoon news front, a boy, we have a situation that we figured out last night or yesterday afternoon when we all went out to lunch for maths. The Porcelain Punisher's farewell lunch before he packs up and heads to Texas. Deliciously sad, deliciously sad. So we have not got into this, I guess. Matt, who's been here for forever, is picking up with his wife and moving it out to Texas. Little outsider Austin. I think many Californians are starting to think that way. Now I'd like to buy something, afford something or cost a life. Kind of getting into a. There's a thing that, you know, in California, it was always a given that the cost of life was more, but the lifestyle was so much better. Yeah. You'd put up with it, you're paying for the sunshine and the good living. Yeah, the crime and homelessness and the garbage everywhere and all that kind of stuff and traffic. It's starting to catch up to the people. And and also I, as I've always said, if it's got a P.F. Chang's, I could live there and I've never done more traveling where I've went, Yeah, I could live here. I mean, you go to Nashville and you walk around and he said at a bar, and I don't listen to music and he, Oh Jesus, I could. I could show this. Yeah, and that not only has like a nice piece of land, there's a Creek Park in the back, and I've never heard any stories of people going. I've moved away. I hated it and so I came back. I've not heard one of those. Now I've just heard people go to Nashville or the sounds of tires screeching. They go, there's a lot of I wish I'd done it earlier. So unfortunately, that's where we're at. But Ryan Young Ryan was explaining to me during the lunch that he'd got himself a grape ape outfit that he bought online and that he bought the grape ape outfit because there was going to be a Sid and Marty Croft convention. Yes, in In the Bay Area. Mm hmm. And that he was going to attend this great bait. Yeah, that's that's my bad. I just I remember you talking about like Land of the Lost and like Thor always talked about grape ape throwing that in there. And then, I don't know it. Just I looked up what great people look like. So I needed a costume and I was like, I could pull that off. I a big dude. Yeah, yeah. Now, if anyone remembers grape, a grape, a grape that's all grape ape dead and they would just take animals like hair and bear and grape and ape, and they had the God. I'm trying to think of the other stupid speed. Buggy was like a dune buggy. It was a giant ape, and he just walked around and said, Grape, now I don't. Hong Kong Phooey. I don't know. None of these were Sid and Marty Croft creations. Is that that's the problem. These are Hanna-Barbera. There's there's one creatively named Beagle Beagle. Yeah, they just they just took a word that started with the same letters, the other word and then they do jab at your right, Magilla Gorilla. Yeah, that's they just put a word in front of another word. And then we would be we'd sit there and our brains would liquefy while we sat home and watch these shows. At least I would. That's all I had was cartoons. I did not read. I did not do comic books. I did not do baseball playing cards. I deemed GI Joes and scouting is for the gays. It was like, This is the gayest activity you playing with with a boy doll feels gay to me, and going and getting a merit badge feels feels gay to me too. So none of it. But I did have cartoons and I would just sit home and watch whatever offerings they had. And it was it was dominated by Hanna-Barbera. You could have been a kick a*s Eagle Scout. Yeah, that was a missed opportunity in your life. I could have things turned out OK. You know, I'm saying in the early years that Bezos, who was going to help them with the Soapbox Derby and all that stuff. And then, you know, being in the woods alone might get a fire that's always made my mom having to go out to the lawn and hammer in the sign that said home of an Eagle Scout. There's a den mother. Come on now. So he got the Great Babe outfit, but he's going to the city. Marty Croft now the Sydney Mardi Kropf Convention. I I get because everything they did was a wacky outfit, right? Just like go into the, you know, Gen. Carter wearing a Rolling Stone. Sure, you don't wear the t shirt of the band. Yeah, maybe he's being the cool guy, but the outlier I we can, we can read you the description of the event. We'll see if he's going to fit in with his grape ape outfit, which once again is Hanna-Barbera. GAFCON is a first ever con dedicated to the talents of Sid and Marty craft. This will be a 70s kid's dream, and that's the worst part of my childhood. It's the segment in the sea monsters. This is the worst piece of assembled art ever, ever. You can go back to, you know, 1930s Nazi propaganda, and I would give it the nod over Sigmund and the Sea Monster. You'd give the Nazis propaganda poster of a Jew a better rating. Well, look, I look. I somewhat disagree with the message somewhat. But he said disagree. But in terms of artistic ability and message conveyed, sketch art alone got to got to give the nod to the Nazis. Okay? This is the land of the lost was. Horrifically bad. Then there was lid's Bill, there's H.R. Pufnstuf, the you know, the only good thing you can get the hoodoo gurus ready. The only good thing that came out of Sydney Mardi Gras is Charles Nelson Riley in liD's Ville. I think. Played a character called the hoodoo Guru K and the hoodoo guru. The good part? Yes, because a band was inspired to take that name. The hoodoo gurus of the used to be played on K Rock in the late 80s early 90s had to two big hits or two to good hits that I remember. We can. We can play a local band now right there from Boston for some reason, Australian Australia. This is a really big an Irish ship. What is it you want me to do? There isn't much I will. If it's just eighty nine, this is very midnight oil. Yeah. One is now 89 year. Inside Rocky. We all. You may need to watch it. Hey, Chris. And handle, that's why and and people wouldn't even know it was a cover. That's true. So right now, I'm an entire. So this belongs on the single soundtrack to the reality bites. Yes. And if you can make. My week is the montage where they're like making sandwiches. Oh, really? This would be a long time. Yeah, well, they're making this sandwich for a picnic. Throwing condiments at each other and. Typekit has ever hear this song, ever, so I find it. Glam go on. Yeah. All right. Their other hit, 84, apparently was set 89. Oh, that's another world. You. I do from here. Hear this one now. Well, is. Yes, like a cross between like a Michael Stipe and a Fred Schneider voice, you look. Not Australia. Now. Oh, I guess I never heard it jangly. This actually wasn't even a single. It was the track after come any time on that album. I like this part in any song this far. The lot going on. You know, I like to have a split in the South. Let the split ends, I think they're Australian. New Zealand is. They could have opened for Dar Williams or ANI DiFranco. Yeah. I love this part. All right, so that's the hoodoo gurus who must be named after Charles Nelson, Riley's character even better, who was in lid's ville or pub our province of I cannot. There was a witchy poo and there was and it was all a f**king s**t show mass with a big, fat laugh track shoved into it. But don't forget the other band that came out of there that you loved. Hmm. The banana splits. Oh yeah, that's. Now wait a minute. Is that Sid and Marty? Oh, I just assumed it was. Yeah, that's that's probably Sid Mardi Gras. I'm seeing that the guy's name is Horatio J. Who do? I'm not seeing guru after that, but he was a magician. All right, so hold on. This is Charles Nelson. Riley is. Yeah, his name. The magician's name is Horatio J. Who do? I'm not saying guru or like that hoodoo gurus were named after that at all, either. Well, they call them the hoodoo guru in that they google him right? Got to Google me right, man. So the who do gurus weren't named after him or may not have been named after him, but he was a magician. How many times have we learned not to trust the computer? Well, it's who's working the computer that I take umbrage with. Yeah, but I mean, it's the Google me, right? Is the gun inherently evil? That's right on here. Here's here's Horatio J, whose character description he's an evil magician who serves as a primary antagonist. A magician. They're all, how dare you? Mm hmm. Most of his plans involve trying to prevent Mark from leaving Leadville and attempting to reclaim Weenie. What does that even mean? Is Weenie the flute now, anyway? Now we have to figure out why they said Hoodoo Guru. And then where did the hoodoo gurus get their name? That we knew it was the genie in the show? Oh, we need that genie. That's right. It's my because if it's the flu to be named Frank, yeah, because that's right. That was the that was the brilliance of Hanna-Barbera or Sid Mardi Gras. So anyway, you're going to show up at this place, people are going to be dressed up like the hoodoo guru or just there who? Well, I mean, at this point, I feel like I have to dress up as Great Babe go in there. I mean, I'm open to all the bling. Hmm. Now I'd say, we've come this far with great babe. We stay, we stay the course, stay the course with great babe. So you're going to talk. I'm trying to think now, who are we going to see the most people dressed like? Chicks want to get sexy, but these chicks are a little long in the tooth for their sexy segment is a little tough. Outfit's going to be hot. Yeah, in that. Were there any like like short skirts in H.R. Pufnstuf? No, but but Freddy the flute? Oh yeah, yeah. What's Freddy the flute? Yeah, that's right. The kid who owned Freddy. The Flute, the magical flute. All you need is bell bottoms and some Beatle boots and a vest. And you can cover him, right? Outfit outfit wise. Jesus Christ I to drive a truck into that place. I there should be a class action lawsuit against these f**king hacks. Is this kind of like your free raiders tickets? Yes. Anyone who shows up there needs to be rounded up around them. You're you're a horrible spouse, husband, wife, father, mother. Something is wrong with you unless you're dressed like great babe. Ooh, what about Shirley Puffin? She's attractive. She looks like a very, very. She looks like a cross between Ronald McDonald and Rocky Dennis. I like you, Dennis. The f**king defeat you get of the mask. Yeah, I say there's going to be a lot of witchy powers showing up over there, so you have more of a description, by the way, Chris? Yeah. So it's at the historic Orinda theater, which will be transformed into Living Island. Yeah, come meet your favorite stars that you watched each Saturday morning while eating a bowl of cereal from your TV tray. And yes, cereal will be served here. This is. This thing I was lamenting about safe spaces for 19 year olds. This is a f**king bizarre cause. Play fantasy for 56 year olds. Oh Jesus Christ, we had a restless. They need to be rounded up or or at least an ankle ankle bracelet. Yeah, apply to them. The real indictment. I think I feel like I mentioned this before, but the real indictment of said Marty Croft is I started watching TV as a young boy 10 years after this. Whatever it was, nine, 10, 11 years. Nary an idea of what this was never heard until you mentioned. It never had an idea of what any of this was until for a kid's show or thing. Not to last 10 years and we were still f**king celebrating Spiderman and Batman. You know what I mean? Like four years down not to survive. Ten years is a real indictment. No legs, all junk. Force fed three networks. What are you going to do? Are they are sitting Marty alive? Is either one of them alive? There also were like two. There were kind of Ben and Jerry there, like these kind of acid dropping type? Yeah. Who just brought their weird, you know, mushroom haze to the to the stage, to the TV for kids. Do you guys remember in the 90s on MTV Wonder chosen? Because looking back, I'm pretty sure that's what this was. That's what that was based on. It was supposed to be a spoof of And Marty. Now. Well, it's easy to do. Yes, Sid and Marty are alive. Oh, it's 92 and Marty is 84. And are they be there? No, they weren't. So the day will include episodes, Q and A's lectures. There's a Q&A with who I'll tell you. There's a costume contest for Ryan to lose trivia games and and then you can meet the stars from your favorite craft. Shows like these are confirmed guests Butch Patrick from Leadville, of course, Wesley Ure and Kathy Coleman from Land of the Lost. Johnny Whitaker. Oh Johnny, they're from Sigman in the Sea Monsters. He's the redhead. Yeah, yeah. Sharon Baird from H.R. Puffin Stuff Land. She's also Land of the Lost as well, plus special craft alumni guest Christopher Knight. Oh, The Brady Bunch, Brady Bunch. That's a draw I. Jesus Christ himself movie will be shown at the end of the evening to close out this fun day of nostalgia and fine. What are they? What are they paying? These has. Twelve hundred bucks and a round-trip plane ticket. I think without paying these people, you have to pay to get an autograph might just be free. Oh, Butch Patrick is from Eddie Munster, right? Yeah, but I don't know what he did on. I was all right, if you will, if you want to know, I don't even know what he. On Mudville, if you want to know me at my most adamy ever, the most the most Adam I've ever been in my life was all those years ago when I was on the lot for CBS, CBS, Radford and we're working on a sitcom and we're walking to the sitcom with their showrunner. And he's just one of these Hollywood guys who knows everything. And he he stopped us, or we're like walking into the cafeteria and he goes, You know, whose office is across there? And that Sid and Marty craft, you know, they're at the time. They're like eighty two years young and still going at it. And then he's like, I know those guys. I could introduce you to those guys. We could go in there and say, and I go, f**k those guys, f**k those f**king hacks. And what the f**k are they working on in that they're dusting off? They're not doing. They haven't done a new piece of art since the world caught on to them, and there was more than three networks. They're working on some sort of re f**kin boot, some regurgitation of Land of the Lost, or some some Sigmund and the Sea. All they're doing is working on s**t from 1974 and how to f**kin force feed it down the mouth of a new generation who don't want it in the first place. And it's like, OK, all right, fine. But they don't want to go. We don't want to go in there. It's like, f**k those guys. And then we went into the cafeteria and then at some point, one of the state Ahmadi crops, I think, came into the cafeteria. And then he walked up to us and then the guy who wanted to introduce and they were talking and it was uncomfortable. You know, it's like, Yeah, oh yeah, well, it could've been better. A big fan of yours. Yeah. More event descriptions. When is this going down? I'm now intrigued. It's next month, May 21st. Mm hmm. So yeah, we'll we'll send Ryan out there. We'll see. We'll see how it is. We'll get a firsthand account going to interview some people who had the nerve. What we are doing. Yeah, do whatever you want. I mean, I was going to add to this. What makes it weird is it's in Orinda, California, which is like a town over from where I was born, just a small, affluent community. The only thing I can think is that like, like a bunch of Berkeley hippies like through the tunnel are going to come. But I don't know who is around is a weird place to have something like this. Mm hmm. Yeah. Well, again, it's them simply trying to get paid another time for some s**t that should have never made the air in 1976. Yeah, that's what they do. Did you know there was a craft superstar's package? Yes. And the boogaloo for me. Yeah, the bug, Alice. I'm just reading this nightmare burglars who are like some English pop band something also, in fact, that I, I told Jesus Christ Boogaloo. Yeah. Oh, they made it into the Walk of Fame in 2020. Are Hanna-Barbera is not much better, but Hanna-Barbera may have done some things that were mildly entertaining, and they very much influenced Seth Macfarlane. So we got Nielsen, we got Seth Macfarlane. But think about the cornucopia of animated possibilities for a kid today. There's so much good s**t out there. I was just f**king sitting in front of that black and white TV watching sitting Marty Kroft and lids fail. And just like, Wow, oh, Tesla will just scroll through Netflix and just pick up some random thing and have, like, excuse watching. I don't know if the little ones pays any attention to like, there there's like a DC superhero girls. Like, Yes, girls, we've seen them all, but they're animated. They kind of look like Bratz dolls. And it's legitimately funny. Yeah, we've seen a very clever like, I had no idea of it existed. DreamWorks puts out these series. I'll tell you, I've seen people more times than I could count. There's some amazing offerings. Well, in the insult department, I told you guys at lunch when I should share it with the listeners. Sunny's at the age where he likes to insult his dad doesn't look good. Constantly about everything comedy that I do, he's just mean feels like it's his job. You know, maybe just taking a cue from the other residents of the home that it's good to keep me my. It's a chip off the old block with the Helen Goren. My grandmother's eyes light on this. I don't want to see you getting a big head. Yeah, you don't want to feel good about myself to be tethered to reality. Thank you, grandma. I shall carry this. This low self-esteem way beyond your grave that this will be awesome. Thank you very much. But he's he's deputize himself to keep me down a couple of notches and we're scrolling through the many, many offerings on the TV and the theater the other night. So let's watch a movie and when we came across Ray's. Arizona the best, and I said, this is good, you sunny, you like movies, you're going to like raising Arizona and we were watching it and he really enjoyed it. It's funny and it's all that's as you remember. And then at some point, Sam McMurry popped up. He was the friend who wanted to swing, and he was really a tour de force in this thing. He showed up lots of funny lines, really stole the scenes. He's not. She's tiger in bed. Ah, he was just everything he said was funny. And Mordecai, watch out, man, you get yourself, Monica. Everything was funny about Sam, McMurry and Sonny's boy at that age or a second was that guy. Well, that guy and you know this guy in, you recognize that guy. But he said, Sam McMurray's, that guy is as funny. Yeah, he is a funny guy. And then he said, I wonder how he's what he's up there like, how's his career going? I have not seen much of him, and I said, Well, you know, as a matter of fact, he had a nice part in my movie, rode hard. He played the manager. He played the owner of the business that I was doing, that I was doing the corporate gig for. So he he was in my movie, Sonny Self. And then Johnny just went, Oh, so he's career's not going so good, huh? Oh my god. We there's always an element of truth. Yes. That's just funny. Yeah, it's just funny, but it's got to be true. It's got to be true. But yeah, he's still he's still pecking away at it. All right. Let's see this. I I haven't totally confirmed it, and I've had some second thoughts about it. But I was doing some work at the other shop involving moving some stuff around, and I needed some muscle over at the other shop, just lots of pallets to move around, lots of stuff doing the asphalt resurfacing. So you got to get the stuff off the asphalt and it's all built up in the parking lot. So I got my guys over there, got a couple other guys, but they're all skilled guys and you got to drive a forklift and do some stuff, so you need some skill. But I said, you know, we need a couple of grunts in here, just move and stuff. I don't pay the high dollar guys to just schlep stuff back and forth. Let's get some gets a muscle and, you know, pay Tyreek Hill to block. That's right. And there was a day you just text me that there was a day when you could find somebody 15 year old son or even your own and like, entice them to come over and do s**t for money. Now they know there's all moneys free. Everything's on the app. Everything that's Apple Pay, it's on their phone. It's like, How do you even tag on a crisp $20 bill? You know, it's like, f**k off, old man. Nobody. That's all I was. Was there half an hour. I was a mule for hire when I was 15 or 16. Grandparents, friends are moving, everyone's moving. As I go over there and f**king start, move and s**t and get four bucks an hour, I mean anything. But anyway, so I said, go to the Home Depot, go to the corral. And see if there's a couple grab a couple guys, a couple of day labor guys and bring them over and have them and get to work over here and save me some money and paying you guys the big bucks. All right. And I went back a couple of days later and they were just out in the parking lot, moving stuff minus the day, labor guys. And I said, where the where the Home Depot guys and the guy, it's not going to work. And I said, what? What happened? We sent Roberto over there and speak and speak Spanish and to go, go get them. I said, Yeah, so where are they? They wanted two hundred and fifty bucks a day. That was their day, right? Oh, oh, they're unionized. And I was like 250 a day, 31. Twenty five an hour. Wow. Essentially, those are Mark Geragos billable hours. And I'm like, Is it 250 bucks a day? And they're like, Yep, that's the going rate. That's the going rate. Wow. There was no undercover. I mean, I was I mean, for two, I they I suppose everybody there has to agree on the same price otherwise. Let me jump in as a corral and it's gotten a little more uniform. It used to be just dudes hanging out in the parking lot. Now there's like a bench in a little office, that little corral and they're there. And I'm still going to follow up on this because I had this thought. I was like 250. I've been obsessed with it. Then I started thinking, Wait a minute, are those my guys telling me that because they don't want, Oh, they're going to skim milk? No, they didn't go with them. So there's nothing to skim. The question is is do they just want the work for them? And they don't want to farm it out, but they're already working out. They're getting paid either way, right? Yeah, but not as long if it takes X amount of days quicker. Hmm. I don't I? Listen, I'd be surprised if less like I trust them. I believe them. I've just been walking around with this 250 a day in my head. And by the way, ostensibly 250 cash. Yeah, I mean, I mean, that's like 99, right? It's like making 400 bucks a day. And in L.A., what were you? What were you thinking they would accept? My thing was whatever it is they want, it's got to be less than what I'm paying my guys. So even if it's a buck, eighty a day or 20, I guess I'd be like 21 bucks an hour or something. 20 bucks an hour, 18 bucks an hour. Right? But 31, it's also my my biggest argument against the the living wage are the minimum wage. That's the wage that we've figured it out. That's what they the wage is what you will pay them. We'll get them into your truck and out of the corral. That's that's how we worked it out. There is no need for a third party to get involved here. That's what they that's what they want because if they set a minimum wage, they would be low balled. They were at 30 150 an hour. No, they would not. Dawson, you got a tape and mud guy. No idea. Oh, thank you. Yeah. So a buddy of mine just went to Home Depot recently. He was charged for maybe hanging some drywall butt tape and mud as well. Three to three fifty a day. Wow. So that's a skill scale. Yeah, but they were. My guys are saying 250. No tools now. 250 no tools is a whole time. I work construction. You show up with a truck full of tools. The homeowner doesn't have anything, you know? But yeah, that's that's the right now. Look, that's that's California, that's Burbank. That's whatever. But that is the real jump in that carol. Yeah, sure. And and after work, and as I tell people all the time, get a f**king skill. These guys are making a f**k a lot more than people. They've got a four year degree in communications or associates or whatever. And Chicano studies, the f**king making cash on the barrelhead like you mentioned cash and the guys who can hang sheetrock and do a decent modern tape job. I mean, this guy is a three to three fifty a day. I'm asking for Bryant. He texted me, What is mutton tape? Well, you hang that. I've told you. Not to mention, I'm sorry. You hang your hang the sheetrock, which is a brand name. You'd hang the drywall. Mm hmm. And then on all the seams, you put tape on it and then skim it with Joint Compound. Got it. And then you'd put topping on it, which is like a finer joint compound, and you'd also hit all the divots where the screws were, too. So it's like where you walk in, see all the drywall up with all the seams and all the screw holes and everything. And then when these guys mud and tape, everything's gone prime facie. Yeah, it's like an art to do. Yeah, I like watching that stuff. So Sheet Rock is a brand name. Mm hmm. Do you know what else I just discovered at the gym was a brand name because I was telling Vinny and he's like, That's that's a company, you know, Nautilus? Is a brand name on the Nautilus equipment? Yeah. What else do you call that? He's like, No, I'm sure you're using hammer strength and like, how did you know strength? That's what else we called Nautilus equipment. It's called Nautilus equipment. If it's not, you know, if it's like a machine, I thought that was just called nano. That's machine is that's a brand. Yeah, I did not know that. Pull down. All right. OK. Do you have a 100 percent believe, Roberto, because he was doing some work for me about three weeks ago, and he brought his wife and had his wife be his labourer? Boy. And I was laughing with him. I'm like, You got a you got a good woman here. She's coming out and she's doing doing some hard work. And he said, You know how much of it in his broken English, he says, I went to Home Depot to try to get somebody they want $250 a day. So I paid his wife considerably less than 250 a day, but I paid Roberto's rate. So, yes, 100 percent believe him because he's putting his wife to work now. I love those articles for everyone I know to try to sell that to their wife. Hey, you're not married to RuPaul. There's not even a little bit why not San Fernando Valley? You take it out there to dig out my whole easement and lay rock in there. And yeah, it was. It wasn't easy. He's a worker. Oh yeah, good woman. I will. I will say that. I don't know if she's strong. Oh yeah. I don't know how long ago that was, but about three or four weeks ago. Yeah, it's funny because I've never seen Roberto's wife, but I did see him a few weeks ago and the wife was in the car. Yeah, she didn't seem like she was in a good mood. Yeah, she. I took notice like he pulled up. It's like a maestro. You know, he calls me or whatever, and I have a good thing with Roberto. He's going to have a thrown patron. Petron and his wife is in the car. She's got a purse. I'm and I'm like, I don't know what's going on. I don't want to get involved. But poorly long sleeves, all the limbs covered in a big white hat. Yeah, she was working. I'm telling you they're happier than we are. We sit around and check our phones every 10 seconds and watch the news scroll, and we're all just chillin on our own feet here and they're out there f**king making hay while the sun shines. Also, it's interesting with Roberto when you start talking to him about stuff you think these people just like live and work and then eat cactus stew and then work again and think half the time I talk to that, guys like, we're going to the casino. I go and say, Well, oh, I f**king love it. Lots of good food like to gamble like they have a good time, and I'm like, She's supposed to be home in a hot apartment, miserable, supposed to be in San Manuel. Just like, that's where we go. I have a good time playing off California crafts that buy your buffet for free. Right? All right. Let me tell you, Jonathan Kite is here. I had this. I'm going to try not to jinx it, but I had. I was thinking about it. I got all my March Madness madness here. And I thought, is a tall order to say back up beepers, L.A. marathons, deejay cal. I can't come to dig deep, find a new angle on the champions do. That's what we do. But I was like struggling with it. And then I thought, Oh, Jonathan Cates coming? And then I started picturing him doing Paul Giamatti, and I started laughing. And then I thought, What if he jumped in as an outrage? Paul Giamatti on these these subjects and will tag team it together? See. So hopefully, I'll give it a try. All right. Let me tell you about SimpliSafe, U.S. news and PC magazine and popular science. All ranked SimpliSafe Home Security is the best home security 2021, and U.S. news just named SimpliSafe the best home security of 2022. So I think they are on a roll. The stuff is great. Peel and stick. No pulling wires, no masks, no drilling, no crawling around. And the underpinning or the hot attic of the house. 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Plus, they have an easy to use GEICO mobile app and 24-7 roadside assistance, so it's easy to switch to GEICO. It's a no brainer switch today and see just how much you could save at GEICO. Go there and get a rate quote or contact a local agent. The Adam Carolla show presents Jonathan Kate's birthday c**ktail party for September 2nd. Let's see who's invited, and let's welcome American soul musician. The fifth Beatle Billy Preston, former NFL quarterback for the Pittsburgh Steelers Terry Bradshaw, is here. We welcome actor Mark Harmon, Tennis Hall of Famer Jimmy Connors, skateboarding legend Tony Alva, former undisputed world heavyweight champion Lennox Lewis. Salma Hayek joins the party. Strange things are afoot at the birthday party. Keanu Reeves is here. Jonathan Kite on the Adam Carolla show. Wow, that is electric, man. Pretty good, pretty damn good. Jonathan has some dates coming up Louisville, Kentucky, Louisville Comedy Club and that'll be May 3rd and then Fort Wayne, Indiana Summit City Comedy Club that we may 4th and in Appleton, Wisconsin skyline. When we played there, it's a great club, May 5th and all the dates are available on his website. Official Jonathan Kite dot com. Good to see you, my friend. Great to see you, buddy. Yeah, I'm always a comedian. Strike me as a group. They're never, they're never in the middle. They're either super, super nice or super douchey. And Jonathan, super douchey. Nice, super nice. I know. Or is there a new thing? I mean, guys like you and Brad Williams and Adam Ray and everyone's just so f**kin friendly xxx. A new comedian who are nice, they're all traditionally super competitive and they hate each other. And I'm sure Johnny Carson hated everybody all the time and hear the stories, even hear George Carlin's and stuff. They just weren't. Yes, run like a positive theory and feel free to poke holes in it. But I feel like in this day and age, with podcasts being so popular, you have comedians competing for a ride for a four stage time or for whatever, for an hour, for whatever cynical backstage move. It's more like, Hey, come on podcast, I'll come on yours. We'll do this. We get to know each other as more communal. Yeah, I see. I see people pop up on podcasts. Yeah, it was on, I guess so. I think it's also spots, though, right? Because there's like it feels like there's more there's more outlets for comedy than there ever has been for with streaming on YouTube. Yeah, I have to say it's all like, it's all. There's just there's just feels like there's more food on the table instead of like fighting for that one scrap. So I was talking to Chris. So you're you're down with giving me an assist on the March Madness madness as Paul to you. Well, Adam, good to see you, buddy boy. Paul, I had a tough commute, but I'm here for 14 vaccines. Got it 15 times. Oh, you got that COVID 15 times, 15 times. Yeah, I got a lot of pet bats. I'm not going to change who I am. But and also I thought, Oh, who better to watch a little Bobby Hollander with? But I but I thought, I don't know. Like who? I'm looking down the list here. Maybe Tom Hanks got Tom Hanks for Bobby? Oh, I love it. I love it. I love porn. Yeah, I got it. I got a sex toy. I think a lot of people know it. It's the Woody, the Woody, Woody. Oh, oh, that is what your wife or partner is going to scream. What, Tom? It's it's called the personal touch. It's a it's a movie, it's a strictly adult, strictly acts. How I've seen it many times. Oh yeah. Yes, I. Well, let me just say this as sort of I may be the most popular American. I would say that the Tom Hanks is a the person is a personal touch. Yeah, I think all of my films seem to touch people. And so I was looking, we got Wahlberg. That strong, got Seth Rogen. I was looking at Liam Neeson. Oh, pitching personal touch. I don't know what that was. I I don't know who you are. This is what his dating app sounds like. I don't know what you want, but I can tell you that I offer a very particular set of skills with my fingers and mouth, and I will find you and I will pleasure you. Yeah, I'm down. That works. All right, I just got to see. 25 seconds of a bobby, is it? How is Paul Giamatti that played him in the movie, by the way? I know, I know you thought it was Alfred, but it's not. My name is Bobby Hollander, and I'd like to introduce you to a tape called The Personal Touch. Now, the personal touch is something different and home entertainment. It's strictly adhere, strictly acts, and it's hot, it's so hot, it's going to blow your balls star, it's going to want to make your wet your panties. It's going to want to make you reach in and grab it. It's going to want to make a camera on your television screen. All right. I'm saying, come on around your television. That's the part that gets me. Yeah. Then you're going to your television is have a splash guard? Yeah, it's a real visual. It's a f**king Golden Corral salad bar. Is this these guard or drum kit from our seniors fan? Hilarious. Heck, we need. I don't know. I'm obsessed on the Lucite drum kit around thing because they were nowhere. Somehow, LED Zeppelin, the Rolling Stones were all able to have careers right out there. If I could sneeze, guard around the drummer. Then at some point in 1987, somebody went new decree. Everyone needs the f**king salad sneeze guard around the drum kit and then they went away. And now we don't need them anymore. I know there's a reason for them. I'm just saying, why wasn't there a reason? And now why is there? Why was the Haiti doc 88? The 93 doc Severinsen got along just fine with his drummer for, you know, twenty nine year, I think the late 80s were wetter than we all remember. That's possible aids. Oh, you could catch aids from drummers. Well, think about it. They're traveling. Think about it. Really? Think about it? Do they travel? They're f**king banging every chick in the lobby, the f**king hotel. You know the the the lead singer, the lead guitar? Yeah, they're getting the clean, high end puneri. You know what I mean? The drummer, he's out there at the f**king roadies trying to get his deck wet, so he's getting a certain class of of woman. You know what I mean? It's riddle, and we didn't know. We thought, you know, kissing people wouldn't hug Magic Johnson. We didn't know. Yeah. So you think they were? Because because they get it's a physical instrument. You get sweaty. It's flying everywhere. Spittle, sweat, elbow, sweat for anybody. Well, look at the look at the Lucite drums surround calendar. I keep. I keep mine on a laminate. My wallet gets in the car and then take a look at age. You'll see the exact same correlation. Yeah, you see the exact same timeline, right? The plastic around or the or the sneeze guard around the drum set. It was like a condom for your drum set. Yeah, right. That's right. It was right. Leakage, right? And you would if you f**k that drummer, it's like f**king everybody in the band of everyone who's ever played with. That's a good point, then. I never thought that was the one AIDS message that kind of f**ked me up, you know? Oh, I remember it. Well, the young hemophiliac getting it, I could. I could keep walking away. A lot of the gays getting it. I could keep walking. But when they kept doing, you know, when you sleep with someone, it's like sleeping with everyone. They've ever slept late and it just sort of turns your girl into de facto w***e and it makes you a pimp. Or now you're you're being you're essentially being retroactively cuckolded. Oh, sure. You know what I mean? Like, now that dudes, here are the I mean, you have to start thinking about who they slept with and then they have to have this discussion. And then at some point you go down this road, you're like, Well, yeah, well, the one guy just blew, I'm in a van. I didn't. And you're like, Yeah, different time. That's right. Maura, what do you say? Less history, more mystery, right? Less history, more mystery. But council can't deal with the AIDS, right? Yeah. Where were you guys again? The best time ever? You guys are a little young, but pre aids med coke. That was studio the sweet spot for that. It's like nineteen, seventy seven and four months. You know what I mean? That is you f**king it at Studio 54. Everyone's just out of their brain and they're f**king in the bathroom. No thoughts. Yeah, no aids. No, nothing. Just Coke is good for you. And we're just going to f**king bare back it. And the third stall is the American dream. Yeah. And then this and that fifth month, Jonathan and I are about the same age. I never experienced a similar aids, providing people with a nice cover. And I use this to why I wasn't getting laid in high school like, Oh hey, it's a big AIDS. That was, oh, it's awful, like 92 and 96, right? Like the height of the f**king aids scare. And you know, there was no hooking up. There was I wouldn't in any way put the picture at place with it anyway, but it was a nice cover. Yeah. When I when I was 98 to 02 and we were still having like the AIDS fallout, oh, so I was still able to get in on that of being like guys, I'd love to get laid, but you know, aids right what I would want. I wouldn't give it. Trust me, guys, aids. Did you feel shaken at AIDS where you weird and awkward in high school? All that they not appreciate you and your talents. This is, as you know, in a world, you know, my my my classmates didn't enjoy my sardonic observations on society, not appreciate it all. But if I could do a couple of voices, I think I think. So there was a I used to. I started by doing impressions because I would do impressions of the teachers. Oh, that's good. And so there was this guy, Mr. Schott, who I think is is not with us anymore. When he he was sort of like a Hogwarts teacher, like in the vein of Snape, he was somebody that like we sort of put up with. But he was he was like, this figure. He was somebody that you would pick past on the mythology from class to classroom. And when he wasn't there, I would do an impression of him. We would convince the substitute teacher to let me teach the class for the almighty God. So that was probably. So I think that I sort of got them on my side. Mm-Hmm. And so I would start to win because I didn't start doing celebrity impressions, I think, until I got out to L.A.. Oh, really? Yeah. But I would do like friends and family growing up as characters. You could probably do an Alan Rickman. I could do an Alan Rickman. Okay. That's nice. Ah, no, Brian had our entire roster spot, Mr Potter. I don't like your wand in my face. He's gone. Right? He is. I loved. I loved him. Die hard. Hmm. He was so good he refused to learn the accent. They're all like weirdly German Eastern European, and he is just like, Hello, I'm Hans Gruber. I'm from a distant a very West Germany known as the UK. Right? Yeah, it was always like they would. There was just that conceit of all those 80s movies when somebody came from some distant galaxy, they just spoke with an English accent and were like, I guess they're smarter than we are. That's why the bad guys. Yeah. Yeah. He don't talk like us now. Yeah, yeah. The I'm looking at Anthony Bourdain. Yeah, and I'm like, thinking, God, what is that sound? I'm like Adam. I would say, I'm very happy to be here today on your show. Mm-Hmm. You get around the table like you do at dinner and you have this smorgasbord of conversation. And you bring it in because essentially that's what life is. It's sharing good times and muscle milk with the family around you. And the love within your heart. Welcome to parts unknown. No food. No likely to talk to my kids about suicide prevention because I'm going to bring up Anthony Bourdain and I'm going to go. If this guy can kill himself, any of us can kill us. Your life is not going to be one tenth as good as this guy who killed himself. That guy was living the dream. I know. Maybe that was the problem. Maybe. Maybe it's the carrot and the stick out in front of not feeling like we're ever getting to the dream. What happens when you get to the dream? I don't know, but maybe sit this conversation out with your children. Mm hmm. Oh, it's almost seems like you're encouraging it. Hmm. Yeah. Look, this guy could do it. Any of us who among us couldn't? Well, I get what you're saying, but I remember the most uncomfortable conversation I ever had with my mom. When I was like nine, I had this older male neighbor who I used to love and hang out with, and I was driving with my mom and her VW square back once and she was like, If Eddie ever does anything sexually? And I was like, Oh God, oh no, play. If he's as she felt compelled now, she was trying to be a good mom. But I was like, Oh yeah, you know, when you're nine and Eddie's 13 is just sound like the weirdest grossest thing. And she was your mom. She wasn't basing it on anything he did. She was just like as an older guy. That's the moment she picked to be a mother. Yes, I know you pick a one. All of the money, a toy. Was just like, Yeah, look, I went to summer camp and and, you know, the older counselors who, by the way, they seemed 60 years old, probably were just like three months older than us. Yes. It was like a real Lord of the Flies situation that my parents put me in every summer. And there was this guy. I just remember him being like the cool kid in a movie in a sign it like an 80s camp movie. And I remember, like he was the camp counselor, and he used to call me stud. And I remember I brought it up to my my mother and I remember her having like a Tim Allen moment of like, like like, I'll never forget that I probably was like six or seven years old. And then she goes, Oh, who is that counselor? Because she was like meeting like I was telling her about the day or whatever, and I was like, Yeah, whatever the guy's name was Bruce or something. And. And I was like, Yeah, it's great. It's like we have nicknames. Through each other, he calls me stud, and my mom was just like, you know, red flag, red flag. But it was there's nothing. He was totally harmless. He was like the coolest guy and he made my summer. Yeah, but my mother right away, I remember her. If we had been driving at the time, she would have jerked the brakes. We we forgetting all this new PC world that we're eliminating one of the simple pleasures of being young, which is getting a nickname or handle from like an older guy, was the coolest feeling in the world. You couldn't call a chick legs there. You can call a guy stud or ace like he couldn't couldn't do any of that stuff anymore, which is frowned upon. Kind of fun. It it gave you. I mean, it could take a turn. You know, there was Brillo head slam. Yeah, there they weren't all great. They weren't all great. But once in a while you got a good one. Yeah, that was nice. I'm seeing here you do. Sam Elliott and I know you hated Power the dog, which made you see this about power in the dog. Mm hmm. I actually didn't see the movie well, but then why the big critique? I was put on the spot and there was about four cases of Coors Light. Oh, cause yeah, it's the what's for dinner. It's the water that comes right off the mountain and into my gullet. Who do we lay at the base of a mountain and suck on that rock all day? So, you know, but you didn't like the new fangled western. You know, the guys with their chaps at the no pants underarm? Oh, I like when I like when men don't say nothing to one another around a campfire and there's just a lot of pent up feelings. Inside is a mystery, you know, like sharing. I've never shared anything in my life, not with another person, not with only thing I've ever shared. That's not true. I share a bed with a horse, usually with a horse, just like The Godfather. Not just the head, the whole, the whole or same thing. Wow, you're such a cowboy. Damn right. And we have shared things together like beans. Even the horse secrets. You ever do that move or you feed them the carrot from your mouth. I do it with peanut butter. Oh boy. Oh. Oh, really? Yes. Peanut butter and sugar cubes. That's our nickname for one another. Oh, oh, so you still can give. He calls me. Stood my thing about anybody who's ever fed a horse from their mouth, whether it be a carrot or an apple, or whatever. If you can prove to me that's what you do when no one is around. I will sign off on it. This is the way you feed your horse when there's not a soul in the corral, then. But if you're simply doing it to make me jealous, I don't have that kind of relationship with my horse or any other being. He's like, I don't think I could feed my kids that way. Give me a second. I got a baby bird right for each you and breath. All right. Well, we have we have the March Madness madness to to get to Paul. Yeah, you understand the concept of the game. I hear, I understand, complaining about s**t. That's my whole life. I just want to say this. You know, this Snapchat filter? You know what Snapchat is when they say, what celebrities do you look like? So the other day my kid goes, Let's see what celebrity Paul Giamatti looks like. So I put it up to my face in a countdown and a picture of a hamster getting squeezed came up. Oh, not even the famous ones. A celebrity unknown million hamster. I guess that's A. Paul Giamatti looks like. Wow. And I just got to say something, and you probably talked about the Will Smith thing early. I'm just going to say one thing. I've never been slapped in my life except for the lawsuit from a buffet. Hmm. And I listen when I say something right now, Ponderosa. If you're listening and I know you are, there's a countersuit coming from Old Paul Giamatti, Buddy Man, a hamster hamster that's got a hamster without a name. I got, of course, labeled. Oh God, who was my Pete Sampras with Down syndrome? And I thought that was bad. That's where they're at. Yeah, that's what a hamster. Yeah, it's not even that's not even, yeah, it's you. Oh my god. Well, don't I look like a beanbag chair with really downs? Extra downs? All right. Do, Alex. Oh, we got to take a break. We're going to take a break right in the middle of polls here. Of course, you got to take a break right in the middle of Paul stealing his thunder. All right. Let me hit master spies considering a backyard makeover. 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Watch movies like Titanic and GI Joe, The Rise of Cobra Plus TV shows like CSI and Star Trek The Next Generation. Starting this month. Check out the twenty four seven Stargate channel exclusively on Pluto TV, plus hundreds of channels and thousands of movies and TV shows. Absolutely free. Download the free Pluto TV app on your favorite streaming device and start watching today. Hi, this is Daniel Roof and the Real GM radio podcast, and we have our NBA Finals matchup. It is going to be the Phoenix Suns facing the Milwaukee Bucks. Extremely exciting for those two franchises and a really fascinating matchup between these two teams. Phoenix Suns coming in after dispatching the Western Conference, fueled by their guard play and a really deep rotation, whereas Milwaukee finished the series off strong with Atlanta. We don't know the availability of Giannis Antetokounmpo quite yet, but plenty of reasons to argue for each of these teams to take it and something that's going to be really interesting to watch as the frontcourt, because DeAndre Ayton is going to have a very different job description when Giannis is out there and when you're honest is not. And Brook Lopez can space the floor pretty well, so Ayton might have to do something he did against the Clippers and defend out a little bit more in space. But he also will not have as much room to attack in the interior because Lopez is huge and incredibly potent. So I'm really interested in the frontcourt. Everything else is going to be great. I'm super excited for this finals. Hi, this is Daniel from the Real GM radio podcast. It's that time of year again, and all eyes are now on the pro basketball hockey playoffs and Major League Baseball season bet online donut has all the action basketball. 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