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Stassi

In this special "Beau-ness" episode, an insanely tired Stassi, Taylor and Beau talk about their Burbank to SF travel nightmare, which sent Beau into full-on bitch mode. Plus, Stassi's lost luggage debacle, the end of the 2019 tour and how the 2020 Bougie Bus Tour is blowing up already.   Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoicesSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Stassi
01:01:20 6/9/2018

Transcript

Straight Up with Stassie. Hi, everyone. I'm Stassie Schroeder. She's the star of Bravo's Vanderpump Rules. I'm here to talk about pop culture, reality TV, celeb gossip, relationships. Stassie's new podcast is a hilarious look at the world and everyone in it. I wanna give my opinion on everything. And she's never one to hold back on any topic. Because that's what I do best, judge. This is straight up with Stassi. Welcome to straight up with Stassie. So this is the thing. Okay? Filming has began. Busier than normal. It's kind of hard to line up guests because we find out what we're filming like the day before. And, yeah, I recognize that this podcast is late, coming out on a Saturday, and that I'm using my boyfriend Beau againzies. Again. Okay. You don't have to you don't have to keep doing that. Yeah. But just make sure to speak into the microphone. You know? Just try and be as loud as I am. Okay. Yeah. That's yeah. It was perfect. Like that? Yes. It's fantastic. Thank you for doing this. You're welcome. This loudness hurts my hangover, but it's You just had a you just had a shot of tequila, a beer, and you're drinking a vodka peach soda. Yep. Yep. Yeah. So, I mean, you're you're powering through. I'm trying to kill this hangover. You know what? You're about to go to brunch, and then I have to work after that. So I'm not gonna see you until tonight, and I guarantee you're just gonna be hammered. I hope so. You're gonna be in Boystown. You're gonna be on Santa Monica Boulevard celebrating pride Yep. Hammered. Yep. Let's I'll go find all my gay buddies, my dodgeball buddies, bar crawl. I don't know. What's what's the, bar that you really like again? Where? The one on Santa Monica. The the one that's, like, New Orleans. Oh, the bayou. The bayou. They have small ones. Find you. I'll I'll be picking you up off the floor at the bayou. I will probably have short shorts and and something fantastic celebrating this weekend. Should I plan on going out tonight? No. Because I wanna I wanna actually stay out past midnight. Okay, y'all. So this is the thing. All of our friends keep saying we're so sick of this for, like, 6 months. Oh, they're just in the honeymoon phase. Honeymoon phase. The honeymoon phase. Honeymoon. This will go away, you guys. Honeymoon. And we're like, f**k off. Actually, I wasn't even planning on talking about this, but this is actually a great thing to talk about. I legitimately wasn't planning on this. Oh, yeah. Call out some names. Yeah. Kristen, Katie, Schwartz. You guys are dicks. Carter, you suck. So we like, Beau and I would get so annoyed with them saying, this is gonna go away. This is just the honeymoon phase that we actually FaceTimed Beau's mom, who is a relationship and sex therapist, to ask for advice. Yeah. They're like, our friends are upsetting us. It's really annoying. We just love each other a lot, and we have fun together. Like, is that really gonna what? So They're just jealous of our flame. Yeah. Those little mother effers. Yeah. They're just just bored. Yeah. What did your mom say? I don't remember. She said a lot. She goes into, like, different tangents where it's, like, super meta, and I'm like, I love it because I'm like, I feel like I've just, like, sat in on, like, a seminar Yeah. A relationship cla*s. A relationship course. I don't remember she what she said, but it was basically just, like, f**k them. Do your thing. Yeah. That's a bit yeah. That's basically what it ultimately was. Yeah. But I am out of we're out of the honeymoon phase officially now. We're out of it. We're out of it. We've had enough arguments to where we I think that we're out of it. Yeah. But, like, I love you. I love you so much. I think that I was trying to sabotage the honeymoon phase so that my our friends couldn't say it anymore, and that's why I pick fights with you. Oh. That's, like, my my theory. I feel like it's, like, a subconscious thing Yeah. Where I'm like Well, that makes sense. No. We're a real couple now. What? We're fighting. We're fighting. Look look at us. We're fighting. Yeah. But we fight by ourselves. Our friends aren't watching us. Well, actually, never mind. They are watching us. Right? No. Yeah. Sometimes they do. Yeah. The holiday weekend. Listen, I was going through a lot that weekend. There's something in my throat and I can't get it out. You hear it? No. Okay. Just don't It's there. Listen, I was going through a lot that weekend. Okay? So. Okay. Okay. Whatever. That weekend doesn't count. Why? Because I was going through a lot. I was going through a lot. We're all going through a lot. It's called fun. No. So, but every other time, what we fight about is that Beau likes to stay out late, and I'm always ready to go home. Yeah. You know what? I remember, someone said that I was a social f**king butterfly. You are a social butterfly. You know what? So you knew that I was a social butterfly. So the fact that I'm a social butterfly, let me fly. Let me fly. You are caging me, and I have sensitive wings. And you're just like, I'm just gonna cage you with my heart and my love and not let you out. Just hold you in my room at at 11 o'clock and we were gonna watch the Kardashians or the Beverly Hills Housewives from York. Whatever. That's my favorite. Bo, it's not like I'm an antisocial person. I freaking hang. We drink all the time. We go out all the time. It's not like I'm like, No, you can't do anything. I'm not caging you. When I'm tired at midnight, I just think it's more fun to be on the couch or in bed with you and our dogs than to be just adding to my future hangover. Well It's like once I've had my fill of hanging out and socializing in a bar, it's like there's, like, I have a cap on that. Forget the bar. Every time even a restaurant or a friend's house. And these are your friends. I'm with your friends. Your friends. And you wanna go home. These are your friends. And I'm, like, I have a good time. All the time. I mean And so, right. So I'm like, you know, I'm trying to get to know everyone more, hang out, nope, shut down, bossy Stasse, gotta go, call the Uber. I just get tired. Then take a freaking Red Bull. No. God. So this is what we fight about. Yep. This is what we fight about. No. I know. I just don't know how we're gonna figure it out. Like, we have to I guess it's It's called give and take. It's called sacrifice. So I'm just gonna have to Sacrifice. You know what? I'm just gonna have to be okay with going home alone sometimes. Yes. You have cute dogs here. Yeah. And I should be able to go out. I'm not going out. I'm not seeing out every night because, you know what? I've never had the chance. But I told you, if I'm going out with my friends and my bars and they and I'm You know what? See them I don't think I've ever told you that you have to come home, like, when you're out with your friends. I haven't been out with my friends. That's why I've never had I've never had that I've never done that. It's just that you're my friends. My friends my friends are just like, so I think stop calling me, but, also, I stopped calling them too because I'm because I'm in the honeymoon phase. Listen. My friends are so much fun, and my friends love you so much. So, like, they're now your friends. Yeah. But, also, I I was just sick of going to the same bars, but then I still miss those same bars. But now I'm still going to the same bars. We still go we go to the same place as my group of friends that your group of friends goes to. Except Riley's. We go there. No. I haven't been to Riley's in forever. Everyone's been messaging to me. You haven't you haven't requested to go there. Yeah. You know what I mean? Football's not on, so I don't know about that. Up, boy. I know. Football's not on. No. That's not what I meant. I didn't mean I mean, if you wanna go to Riley's, you need to speak up. Okay. You know? And say, listen, I haven't gone to Rock and Riley's in a while. I'm due for that. I haven't gone to Pearl's. I'm due for that. Alright. You know? I miss my friends. You need to you need to communicate with me. I know, but I always feel like I'm just gonna get shut down, shut down. You've never asked. You've never asked. Or you don't even have to ask me to go. You can just be like, hey, I'm doing this tonight. I mean, I don't know. We spend so much time together that I don't remember how things work anymore. I know. What's your name again? I don't even know. Yeah. I used to love being just by myself. You're a motherf**king woman. You, like, took that from me. Sorry. Because being around you is so much fun that I'm like, oh, I guess I don't need to be around my just by myself. Although I'm looking forward to you going to brunch today because I get to just sit and watch Housewives of New York by myself. Old episodes that you've probably seen twice. Yeah. But there's something so comforting about New York Housewives. They're f**king crazy. You know, you were watching it with me. I know. God. They legitimately I've never They are the real MVPs of Bravo. Like, they fight. Like, they they go out to a restaurant no matter what. Giant f**king fight. Yeah. Like, we don't even have that. This is another reason why I'm so upset with you and myself because just me sitting down doing my own thing, it sucks you in. And now I know about the housewives. I know about the bachelorette. I know about all these things, and these women are crazy, and and these guys are crazy, and and and then all of a sudden like this gossip, like, bulge in my stomach just starts to explode, and then I sound like a freaking teeny bopper going, oh, do you know what he did? Oh, well, guess what they did. Oh, and guess what? And then I'm like, oh my god. She did what the b***h. You And I love it. Yeah. 123. Tank. Oh my god. Wait. So I will say, because I do wanna talk about The Bachelorette with you. Just so that my listeners know this, I got a text message the other day from Bo while he was at work, and he just wrote, it was actually aggressive at first because you were like, I hate you. It was something I was like, did he mean to send this to me? Like, who's he telling that he hates? He's like, I can't take this. This is your fault. See, that's kind of aggressive to send to your girl. Well, that's what I wanted to start with. Yeah. He kinda freaked me out. I was like, did did I I'm like, I don't think I've done anything wrong. Like, did I that you remember. That I remember. And then he goes what did you say? Well, I'm trying I was trying to find it. I don't even remember. I said I hate you. I hate how I feel and what I just did and what I'm doing is awful. Do you know what that sounds like? I mean, I don't know. It sounds like maybe you cheated on me or something and or or it was it was aggressive. Well, I let it breathe for a bit too. It was so rude. And then I waited for it. Respond. Well I didn't respond because I was like, something more is coming. Well, first, no. You did you were about you were about I saw the little the bubbles. That's so cute. About to. And then right when I saw the bubbles, then I I then I wrote back, gossiping with my assistant and another assistant about the bachelorette and the kiss and, the kiss. Remember the I the thing? No. The spoiler kiss on the Internet? Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And then finding out that the, the the IG of that one dude got, Garrett. Garrett got, xnayed because he's a freaking racist homophobe. Or he was liking things that were that. Right. I'm not gonna just brand it back. Liking. Alright. Liking. Liking. Liking. Yeah. So I was like, woah. Well, that's just the gossip. And then I'm like, oh, yo. Well, that's why all of a sudden his Instagram just went down. Interesting. Because I feel like if ABC the winner. Well, that's what I'm thinking. Because if he's the winner, because if he wasn't the winner yet, no one would care that he's Likes different things. So now that I have, a boyfriend with a dog, I realized I needed to get a king-size bed. A queen-size bed with a bunch of dogs and another person is the worst. I can't sleep. It's no. So, with getting a king-size bed, I needed to get another mattress. And I found out about Helix mattresses because I like things that are, like, customized or I guess, like, tailored to my needs, and Helix works that way. So basically, you go to the website and all you do is you take this 2 minute sleep quiz. So you answer questions like, you know, if you like firm or fluffy. They ask you all of these different questions and then put together the perfect mattress for you. You can even do, like, if your partner has a different one on one side and you have what you like on this side, they can do a mattress that has 2 different types of feels. It's freaking fantastic. So I made Bo take the quiz as well, and it turns out that we had very similar, I guess, mattress styles. So I ordered 1. We've been using it since day 1 because I was warned. They said it might take a couple weeks to break in, but since day 1, I've loved it. Mine is, like, it's really soft, but it has a cooling thing in it that because I sweat a lot when I sleep, gross. But it's so good. So I highly recommend going to Helix to find your mattress. I mean, what's better than a customized mattress that's, like, perfect for your needs? And if you go right now, you get $125 towards your mattress order. So that's helixsleep.com/stasse. That's helixsleep.com/stasse, and you get a $125 off, that's a lot of money, towards your order. Y'all, I mean it. I you can get your very own mattress. All of them feel different. It's just tailored exactly for you. So let's talk about how much you love The Bachelorette. I hate, oh my God. This is why that aggressive I hate you, I hate how I feel and what I just did and what I'm doing is appropriate because just too too long episodes. They're f**king long. I love how long they are. They're so long. See, is there anything like, would you rather be with me at home drinking with our dogs watching The Bachelorette or be at Rock and Riley's? Oh, well, it's we're only in episode 2, so I'm kind of like in it's like a 6040 Rock and Riley's win. Okay. But that model dude on the show is the worst best thing. It is it is such good TV. Oh my god. He's ridiculous. I I I can't wait for the day. I hope I pray for the day that he comes in for an audition that we're casting. I will lose my s**t. Wait. Wait. You would fan girl. Fan boy. I don't know what I would do. You would. I wouldn't. No. I wouldn't. I would I would You would. No. I totally would not. I'm so that not Well, you wouldn't be like No. But I I would love you on The Bachelorette. You wouldn't say that, but you'd be like, dude. Part of me wants to just be like, wait wait. Why did you what's no. Just do it, like, I would just make I would I don't know. The directing You would make him do? Did you would direct him? Oh my god. That's really funny, though. I mean, I would never obviously, I wouldn't wouldn't, but maybe just one in my mind. I love that. It would be funny just to have him do something ridiculous, you know, and then say and he's like he'd be like, wait. So this is this is for, you you like a a Burger King commercial? I'm like, well, no. I just wanted to see if you could take direction. I was just giving you, like, a fake scene to do. But here here's the lines. Okay. Now you're a monkey. Now now jump up. Jump up and down. You're surprised me. Now now you're a shoe. Be a shoe. Be a shoe. Nope. Nope. Be a sexy shoe. You're you're one of Stasi's shoes. Be glittery. There you go. Good boy. Wait. Do you have to ever do that to people? Oh my god. All the time. Are you joking? No. You have to tell people to be Not be a like, but sometimes it's usually kids. You're like, okay. Do this, do that just to see if you can get directions. But sometimes adults, it's like they just wanna see comedy, so you wanna see, oh, now do this, do that. Wait. Do you have to come up with those things? Sometimes I do. What's your favorite one that you've ever come up with? Oh, I don't know. Come on. Just put me on the spot. Do you wanna let it marinate? Yeah. Let me let it marinate. Like, if I came in for a tampon commercial, but I was supposed to be funny, like Right. What would you make me do? Pretend that I'm not your girlfriend. Just a random Well, no. I mean, we'd have a script and stuff, but sometimes we'll do other stuff where they want a little more improv. Yeah. Where it's, like, just off the book. Let's just see what kind of chops the actor has. Okay. What would you have to do? Oh. If you had to come up with something tampon to commercial, I'd probably, like, you know, I don't know. Have you cut your finger and then wrap the tampon around your thumb? I have no idea. That is so random. Well, I know because you put me on the spot. That is so weird. I would probably I would look at you and be like, sorry. What? I know. You're like What? But that's the that's the stress. I would be b***hy. Oh, you would? I would probably be really b***hy. And then you'd be like, I have another audition to go to, and it's, like, right now. Oh, does that get so annoying? Oh, it does. It does. You need to talk to me more about, like, casting stuff. I love when you show me The horror stories? Like, the commercials that you've done, and then you tell me, like, what you had to tell those people or, like, how they were. That, like, legitimately just makes me laugh. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I love casting horror stories because there's nothing worse than, like, an audition or a casting. They're real I'm sorry. I I don't know how I guess you can live in it because you're not, like, the one auditioning. But I, like, when I remember when I first moved to LA and I was going on auditions and castings, it would ruin my day. It would even if they were nice to me. It's just, like, the tension in a room and just, like, watching other people be nervous. And back then, we had headshots that we carried around. It wasn't just on computers. And, like, your book Woah. Back then, like, you're you're aging yourself? Well, we had back then before photos, we would just take a Polaroid, and then then you'd have to write down your information. Oh, I wish they did that because everyone looks hot in a Polaroid. Oh, no. No. But you still bring your headshots in. But now we're, like, no. What this is also commercials. I don't know. Were you doing commercials or theater or theatrical stuff? I was doing basic b***h stuff, like modeling s**t and yeah. Smile. Mhmm. Target. Trashy lingerie model. Oh, wait. Stop. All yeah. The skanky costumes? Oh my god. Please tell me that you're in one of those, like, hallow Halloween outfits that we can find somewhere. Oh, I've I used to do Halloween costumes, like, sexy ones all the time. Yes. I'm sure I could find that s**t. Yes. I know. I'm pretty sure I'm still on the trashy lingerie website because people will tweet me photos of it, and it it's so f**king embarrassing. I can always just grab your face and Photoshop your face onto a trashy lingerie model as well too. But why would you do that if I'm already there? I know. That didn't even make sense. You're right. True. If we can't find one. So bachelorette. Bachelorette. Let's So, yeah, I've sadly, I love it. It's just I feel bad, like okay. So Becca is gonna be our friend. Becca and I text back and forth. And when she's in LA, we're gonna have wine night. And then when her it's announced who she picks, then we're double dating. Well, I hope it's or I think it probably is Garrett. Garrett. Yeah. I do. So we're just gonna have to Don't listen to this podcast episode. Sorry, Garrett. Well, can we just ignore the elephant in the like, we're just gonna ignore it. I don't wanna bring it up with him. Okay. Yeah. But he if whatever. I'll just sit there and stand awkwardly. We don't even know if he's the winner yet. We don't know. Maybe he's runner-up. Maybe he just just, like, goes really far but doesn't actually win. Oh, maybe it's an ABC fake out. Totes. What if they just leaked a couple photos to make everyone think about some s**t, and then all of a sudden she picks one of those crying guys? Yeah. That's a that's a good like, what what guy, like, auditions for The Bachelor and then cries? I just I mean, I thought she would I mean, she hold on. What is my mic still on? Oh my god. Oh, bye. All these bros are so f**king dramatic. It's so, like, ugh. It's it's almost like my friends. They're just b***hing and whining. Yeah. But they're all, like, 23. I always forget that. Like, it's so annoying when I watch The Bachelorette now or The Bachelor, and I'm like, I'm older than all of you. I remember when I was younger and it was like, oh, I'll aspire to be married one day and stuff. And now it's like, f**k, I'm turning into an old maid. Girl, you want me dust. You're gonna look like dust in 2 weeks. Like, if I wanted to go on The Bachelorette, I couldn't because I'm too old. Yeah. That is that is you know, there are, like, moments in your life where they're, like, pretty, like, big, profound moments where moments of realization. You know what I mean? I think when you turn 21, it's like, woah. I'm 21. Or, like, when you graduate from college, now I have to, like, be on my own. And or, like, I would imagine when you're, like, 35 and you're, like, s**t. I'm probably gonna need to have children soon because it's getting harder. One of those major moments in life is realizing that even if you wanted to go on the bachelorette, you're too old too. Wow. That was that was amazing. That was a Right? Rick. Like, I I you didn't even know where I was gonna go with that. I did, but woah. That was just, like, some deep deep thought by Sassy. Like, a they should make, like, a 30 and up bachelorette bachelor where that's, you know, people are more like your age. Yes. People will people, like, right before the the end of their procreation life where they can, you know Totally. I'm kidding. I know. I think that that would be even more fun to watch. Because why why is Real why is House Size of New York more fun to watch than, I think, banner pump rules? I mean, I'm on it, so it doesn't count. But it's because it's like older people acting a fool. Well, I was gonna say, well, maybe they don't do the older people because they're more mature, but then you just overrode that with the Beverly Hills. But maybe a bunch of catty women are gonna be but a lot different than a bunch of 35 year old men or no? Do you think all of a sudden the 35 year old men? All men are little b***hes. Like, all men just have, like, a little b***h somewhere deep inside of little b***h. Yes, sir. I bring it out a lot. Yeah. You're gossipy. I am gossipy. You love it. Well You embrace it. I mean, I'm honest. I'm not gossipy behind someone's back. No. I know. But you just love like, when all my my girlfriends and I are sitting around talking, you're like, oh. Because I was raised by women. I'd rather be in the kitchen with the girls and on the couch watching football with a bunch of dudes. Yeah. I know because women are superior. My style philosophy has always been to not invest too much money in trendy pieces. Like, if I'm gonna spend a lot of money on something designer, it better be a a purse or a pair of shoes or or or jacket that will f**king last forever and ever and ever. It needs to be classic. It's staying the test of time. So when I go looking for trendy pieces, I like to go and find deals, which is why I love ShoeDazzle because they make it so easy to find the newest pairs of shoes, the newest styles that you're seeing on the runway for a fraction of the price, and no one ever frickin' knows the difference. But But also what I really love about shodazzle.com is that you get to take a style quiz. So right when you sign up, you take a style quiz, and after that, you'll get a personalized shopping experience with all of your favorites rising to the top. So they take what you say in the quiz and kind of tailor the website for you. So you're not sifting through things that you wouldn't even care to see. You're only seeing things that are made for you. Again, I just love personalized things. I love when things are tailored to me. It's awesome, tailored for me. But what's even greater is that you can become a VIP member, okay? So let me tell you how this works. If you become a VIP member, you get 30% off retail prices and access to tons of other exclusive sales and perks, but you don't actually have to buy something that month. So, basically, if you become a VIP member, you go online and each month, you get a pair of shoes 30% off. But if you go on and you see that there's nothing that you actually want that month, you can skip that month and not pay anything. So it's a win win situation. You're not going to lose money. You're only going to be saving money. You'll love being a VIP, and if you go to shodazzle.com/ Stasse and sign up as a VIP member, you'll get 50% off your entire order. 50% off your entire order. That is so freaking much. So go to shodazzle dotcom/stasi to get 15 percent 50% off your entire order and get a lot of freaking trendy a*s awesome shoes. I'm a motherf**king woman. We saw Kesha last night, and that's the we can't stop Yeah. Listening to that song. Kesha came out and just flicked off her audience, just everyone Singing to the singing I'm a motherf**king woman, I'm a motherf**ker. It was bada*s. It was so bada*s. In a sparkly white coat. She came out of a spaceship. Out of a spaceship like a tall gray. Tall motherf**ker. Bo and I have decided that Kesha is my spirit animal, and Macklemore, who opened for Kesha, is his spirit animal because he had a Just a weird, his outfit didn't say anything. Yes. He was just so funny. I was like, oh my god, Bo, if you were a performer or a musician or whatever, this would be you. f**king sparkly weird cape, spandex. A 100%. Throwing hot dogs at Throwing hot dogs in. Yeah. Let me get a hot dog and throw it at some fans to catch. Why not? Yeah. I want a hot dog. Yes. Yeah. So Macklemore and Kesha, Bo and Stasse. Yep, spirit animals. I am so freaking excited about my newest sponsor. This is my favorite sponsor I've ever had. I mean this, because it involves puppies, okay? Y'all know I love dogs. I'm watching Luda and Refund run around my apartment and play right now, and I want everybody to be able to you know, experience having a dog, that love and that the happiness that that dogs bring people. It's just it's amazing. But a lot of the times, like, when I talk to my friends about them getting a pet, they don't know where to begin. They don't know, you know, which stores are reliable, which breeders are reliable, or if they wanna rescue a dog or or what type of dog, what breed, and that becomes overwhelming because people really need to take into consideration their lifestyle and what they want out of a dog. And PuppySpot is this website that basically helps pair you with the right dog. It's a service connecting the nation's top breeders to families and individuals everywhere. I think this is fantastic and I've now told all my friends about it. I want to tell everyone about it because it's again, it it gets overwhelming, and you can view on PuppySpot. You can view thousands of puppies from Golden Retrievers to Yorkies to Labradoodles, and they have this puppy concierge service that will talk to you and figure out exactly what the right puppy is for you. And once you view all of the puppies and you pick the one that you want, there's nothing more that you have to do because PuppySpot will take care of all the rest. So if you're thinking about getting a dog, I seriously, seriously, seriously recommend puppiespot.com. And right now, they're giving my listeners a chance well, not a chance. My listeners will get to receive access to the VIP program at PuppySpot, which will give you discounts discounts on anything you need for your new dog from food to walking services, anything. So So if you go to puppiespot.com/stasse, and that's p u p p y s p o t.com/ stasse, you will get this VIP program. I mean, it's freaking fantastic, and you don't have to worry about vaccinations because the puppy's vaccinations are always up to date and they receive a nose to tail health exam from a licensed veterinarian before they are brought safely to your home. So if you're thinking about getting a dog, please go to puppiespot. Com/sassy. This is just fantastic. So, Demi, do we have that much to say about The Bachelorette? I guess I just love that you love it so much, and the model dude is so f**king lame. I just can't stand it. I never want him to get kicked off. Please just stay to the end. It's it's I don't I don't ever wanna see him again ever on any kind of other television show or anything just because Oh, he's Just No. He's going on Bachelor in Paradise totally. Oh, okay. That's fine. I bet. That's the that's the reject one. Right? That's the reject one. That's the reject one. You haven't seen anything yet. If you think that The Bachelor and The Bachelorette's good, Bachelor in Paradise is next level. Well, I You will die. I used to watch Flavor of Love, and I don't know if anything can beat that. Really? That was fantastic. I love flavor. I mean, I was like a kid. I was like 14, I think. So it was like wasn't my time. That was my time. So I never really understood. Flavor. Flake. I think anything on v h one, you don't wanna admit to. That's Well, that was when I had cable. But it may no one has cable now except for me. Yeah. You're the only person. There's an app for that. There's, like, a Direct TV app. You don't even need to have cable. What, really? Yes. I have it on my my Apple TV. So why am I paying for cable? I don't know. Why haven't you ever told me that before? I mean, I can tell you I can because you well, you can't watch things live then, I guess, on the app. Yeah. You can. So then what is the point? Then why does then why do I have cable if you can if I can just get it on an app? I'm getting upset. I don't know. It's not my fault that you're you're so young, but you're so far away from the times. Wait. Do you hear me listening now? Do you hear no. I have this thing where this this is just gonna be a a a tangent podcast where I just go off on different ones. It's really hard for me to talk nowadays sometimes. I feel like it's whenever I have vodka or something. I feel like I have a lisp. You have a lisp? Yeah. It's it's hard. Like, I'm making, a concerted effort to speak clearly. I never well, last time I was talking to you, there was never a lisp. Maybe it's hot sauce. It might be the hot sauce. You are you, like, poured so much hot sauce on the food last night and just and every time even this drink right here it's a lot of hot sauce. I just love hot sauce. Ranch, hot sauce, balsamic. So you say ranch normal, not like ranch? Ranch. There you go. It's my s's that are that are list that feel hard to say. So say your name 5 times in a row. Nastasia, Nastasia, Nastasia, Nastasia. How many times is that? That's good. Not saying Nastasia. Good enough. That was 4, I think. But whatever. Whatever. Yeah. You sound fine. I'm turning 30, and I've decided that I need to be healthier. I've started working out. I still drink a lot, whatever. But vitamins is something that I've tried to now get into. It's always been so hard to take vitamins because when I go to the store, I'm like, There's so many. Do I have to take 12 vitamins a day? It's insane. So I get overwhelmed and I don't buy anything. Or if I do buy vitamins, I never take them because there's too many of them. And this is why I love Ritual when I started taking Ritual. So this is just one pill. Well, you take 2 a day, but it's one pill that has the 9 essential nutrients that women lack the most. Basically, there was a group of people that felt passionately about the fact that more women need to be taking vitamins. And they went to one of the top scientists and said, if you could make a vitamin for your wife that she only had to take one type of vitamin a day, what would you make? And this guy put together this pill and it is fabulous. It's so easy. There's like a minty taste, so it's made with pure peppermint oil, so it's like easy to get down. It's actually like the little pills look like a little snow globe, so they're actually cute and they're fun to take. But what's great is that just by taking 2 of these pills a day, you are filling in the gaps in your diet with the best source ingredients. And if you go to the website, they list everything that's in this pill and in this vitamin and why it's in there and where it's from. So they are so transparent about everything. You don't have to wonder about what you're putting in your body when you take these vitamins. It's a subscription based thing, which I think is fantastic because you don't have to go to the store and forget, because whenever I buy things, I forget. And then I go months months without taking the vitamins, so I never actually get on a routine. But with a subscription based thing, well, it comes to my door, and it's only $30 a month, and it's so freaking easy. So forget everything you thought you knew about vitamins. Ritual is a brand that's reinventing the experience with 9 essential nutrients that us women lack the most. I suggest you go to ritual.com/stassy. That's ritual.com /stasse. You will thank yourself because we all need to be healthy together. I want my Khaleesi's to be healthy together. Okay. So I guess that was all we had to say about the bachelorette fun. Oh, I can go back. One thing. Why does everyone just it's just the b***hing. Like, the guys and and the what do they, like, bro up in this? And then, like, do they get, like, little wolf packs? And, like, try to, like, cancel each other out as the season goes on? I mean, they try and undermine each other a little bit. Right. Like, what would you do if you had to go on the gun to head? I know you would never go Hell no. Don't don't. It's not I'm not asking you if you would go on The Bachelorette. I'm saying if you had to, what would your your plan be? Like, what would you go first of all, what when you get out of the limo, what would be your your thing? Oh, s**t. There is some oh, god. I don't know. I'd have to that's something that you have to, like, think. You can't just go on on a, like, spur of the moment. Okay. Well, like, your first your What was those what was the awful ones? Like, I'm gonna ride in on a bull. I mean, they're all different. I think the fun one was when he came in with, like, with the van, and there was, like wasn't there other people in there or some s**t? I don't remember. I know because there was, like, there was a couple good ones, and then there was just a s**tload of bad ones. But what would you do? I'd do the chicken suit. You so would do the chicken suit. But it'd be a better chicken suit. I'd probably do like a bear suit or something. You really would. You'd have to be able to explain why you're doing it, though. I know. I don't know what to say. You would say my ex girlfriend, because I would've if you're on The Bachelor, that means that we've broken up. So you'd say, I'm wearing a Bear suit because my ex girlfriend used to call me Bear. That'd be mad awkward. Yeah. It would make for really good TV. Like, that actually I need to be a producer. I will need to be a producer and tell one of the guys to say something like that. That is because how how would the bachelorette react? Like, what do you do? Like And then I would tell her, well, I actually dated 3 of your, high school ex girl or best friends randomly. And, also, I know your dog walker, but I hope that doesn't want me to I mean, can we still be friends? Or maybe it's just, you know, like that one guy who was just like, I'm so nervous. She, I dated her friend. Oh, yeah. He she got sent away. Yeah. No, he didn't. Yeah, he did. No, he didn't. Yes, Nuh-uh. He's kept. Nuh-uh. Nuh-uh. I thought she was like No. She was she's like, I need to think about it. Oh, really? And then I'm getting everything confused. You paid attention so much better than I attracted to you, but you're kind of That's right. She But she kept him. But she kept but she kept saying, like, why now? Right? Yeah. Well, she's questioning his motives. He's like, because he wants to be in the bachelor now. Yeah. Like I didn't realize these guys wait in f**king line to do it. It's like the American Idol auditions. Right? Or no? Do they wait? Not not everyone. You send in a video kind of like how your friends sent in a video behind your back to Big Brother. Motherf**ker dick sucks. That was that's funny. If any of them are ever listening, f you. That I could not you're just such a not a reality TV person. I mean, you are now because Vanderpump Rules, but Yeah. Well I mean, that's just your that you're just forced. Forced to hang out and just do nothing and drink. No. I'm kidding. It's the best job in the world. It's the best f**king job in the world. Anyone who complains about being on a Brava reality show can suck it because you don't deserve it then. Because we just get paid to drink and have fun with our friends. I've had fun. Yeah. I just I I just I feel like the only time that I'm gonna be able to hang out with you and your friends after midnight is only when you're filming. Totally. Bringing it back. Bringing it back. Yeah. Oh, I love you're such a great you're a great podcaster just circling back to to the beginning. Yeah. That actually makes sense. Like, because I will stay out late if I'm being paid to. Yes. So you should honestly just encourage our producers to have late night scenes so that you can just, like, get your fun in. Okay. That sounds good. I'll message them. Like, when we go on trips, Mexico or wherever we go, they keep us up all night. Legitimately, I'm always the first one to go to sleep, and I have to be like, seriously, I can't film this scene. You can film me in my room by myself ordering room service because that's what I'm gonna do, And that's what I do. Wah wah wah. This is why you can't be on the bachelorette because you can't even stay up that late. Homegirl, you told me was going there all day all day into the morning. Yeah. Until the daylight when Right. So wah wah. So that's it's not about your age why you're gonna be it's because you can't hang. Whatever what's her name? Becca. Becca can hang. Becca can hang. You can't. Wow. Oh my gosh. Party girl. Boom. I just wish I just Think about that. I just wish I you're in. I just wish I understood what was so fun about being awake at a time when I could be asleep? Games, heads up, fun conversations, laughter, pitbull music, dancing. Yeah. Ping pong. Nothing's more fun than drunken ping pong at 2 in the morning. Good luck trying to find the ball. There's a lot more things that are more fun. Really what? Sleeping? Ping pong. Yes. Spooning? Spooning. Yes. Oh my god. So much fun for the 2 seconds that you remember until you pass out. Don't you love to sleep? Isn't it just like a don't you love to just be comfortable in a bed and Yes. When I want to sleep, not when I'm forced to sleep. I need to come up with a a way to trick you into wanting to do the things that I want to do. Putting NyQuil in my c**ktail. Don't put that past the week. Don't even give me that first. Don't put that past me. Literally everyone I can't believe I've never thought of that. Just popped up in our head. I've never thought of that before. This is, like, this scares me like your ice pick idea. This is, like, oh my god. Please don't ever do that. I can totally see you do that. I'm talking tonight. Oh my god. Why do I feel so sleepy? You know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna find a sleeping pill that looks like an Excedrin. Mhmm. So when you ask me for an Excedrin, because it has caffeine in it at night, I'm like, here you go, sweetie. Thanks, babe. Because you might be able to you'd be able to chase the NyQuil. Oh. So I just meant like a sleeping pill, but NyQuil just popped up in my head. I'm gonna no. I'm gonna I'm I'm I'm onto something right now. Oh, boy. You have no idea what's in store for you. It's gonna be a long a*s life. It's gonna go by so quick because I'll just be sleeping. I'll be like I'll be like the sleeping beauty. I'm just gonna wake up and every day's gonna be a new day and it's gonna be so short because I'm sleeping. You want me to just put the microphone down and you can just do impressions? Impressions? Yeah. No. You you just got shy. But you're so good at them. Yeah. When I wanna do an impression, not when I'm forced. Okay. So basically, what this really the root of this is, you just don't wanna be told what to do. That's right. See? I'm a motherf**king woman. Yeah. See? You did that on your own. Yeah. You did that on your own. So I'm just gonna have to come up with a way to make you think that it's your idea to go home early. Okay. That will never happen. I Never. Like, what is your ideal, like, time to, like, go home? Well, midnight is fine, but when there's some activities happening, I'm not going out to, activities happening, I'm not going out till 2, 3 in the morning like I used to before I met you. But now there's those times where I'm like, I wanna stay up. So it's it's like it's called, you know, randomness. Like, 1 or 2 times a week, maybe I'll stay out late or one time a week if I'm not working. If there's a something fun, I'm not just I'm just gonna go to the bar and sit there and watch basketball. That sounds so boring. Yeah. I'm not a basketball fan. Well, I'm not a sports fan. I know. Well, you came with me, last year and watched football with me. So go Rams. I only do it because everybody else goes. Like, all my friends go. So then look, I'm I don't actually watch the sport. I'm an art major. So I got into sports from PlayStation and just hanging out with a bunch of my bro friends, and then it's fun. You sit at the bar. You yell at the TV. I had no idea what was going on. Thank you PS 4 for teaching me the rules of football. And, you know, you you get into it. And now I that's why I wear my damn Rams outfits and hats because they came in last year and then watching, like, live NFL football is probably the best thing. Are you serious? Oh, when when when game day starts up next year or this year? Oh my god. I'm dreading that. Go and watch a bunch of Rams, games as much as we can. Like, every Sunday is now gonna be I'm so dreading that that. I'm sorry. But yep. Every Sunday. Like, every single one? Well, you know, I'll try to I'll try to get it like a little church day in there and then go to the and then go to the Rams. After? After. Right. Yep. Okay. So So there's not gonna be a Sunday where where that's not happening? No. Every sun well, they might have an off day. Alright. I just thought of something. Uh-oh. I'm in trouble. Yeah. But I'm at least I'm preparing you for the future. Okay. But yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. So you see how, like, I'm gonna have to make concessions and and I'm gonna have to compromise and have every Sunday either be you go by yourself and watch your sports and do all that and I stay home or come with you. Either way, it's a lose lose situation for me. There's girlfriends that hang out with my friends that like sports too, and they really don't as well, but then they just sit and they can talk about shoes. Right. But that's, like, basically what you're doing for me when you come home early. Nope. Because that's one day a week. This is every day, anytime, all the time is snuggles, spooning, it's past midnight. That's airy day. Airy airy airy airy day. I don't know. This is one day. What is the future? I don't know. Our is our relationship going to to to last past Midnight. Football season? I don't know. I think so. I'm not sure because, listen, we were only casually dating in the fall, so it didn't really matter. I didn't see you all the time. Yeah. True. Like so But it's still cool that we were casually dating, and for someone who hates sports, you came and watched, I think you were, like, predicting the future. So you came and watched 2 football games with me. 2? 2 on a Sunday at Riley's and watched my Rams win. Okay. And that and we were just casually dating. So that's pretty that says a lot. I'm so nice. So now now that we're b f g f lasting forever, future future future, think about the possibilities on a Sunday. We can watch football, and then we can go to brunch, and then we can go to, like, a live band show Oh, that sounds fun. At Davey Wayne's, and then we can come back and go to drag queen bingo. Well, that sounds like a really fun day. At Barney's That does not. Belmont. Definitely down for brunchies. Sunday Funday and then just Definitely down for Davey Wayne's. Def down for drag queen bingo just as long as I don't have to get up. I don't like winning because I'm not gonna run around and have people throw trash at me. Yeah. But it's pretty funny. It's that's legitimately, like, miserable. I'll take your trash. I don't understand, like, why people want to run around and have trash. Because it's it's not trash. It's the it's the cards. I don't like people throwing things at me. Well, because I wanted to win, and that person won, and I'm pissed off. And it releases my anger. I win sometimes. You always win. Well, I have good luck. Good luck. So you don't mind running around see, you don't mind attention, though. I I I'm a social butterfly. No. I'm not really. I'm not I don't like attention that much. I you would think I would since I'm a podcaster and on a television show. No. But your attention is a lot different than my attention. I I think I would not like attention if if I had your attention. So your attention is a little overwhelming. I can I I feel like if that if it was reversed, I think it would be overwhelming? Well, yeah. It's really f**king overwhelming. That's why I can't imagine f**king getting up and running around f**king bingo spot and have people throw their trash at me. But by that time, on a Sunday fun day, by the time we get to bingo, I'm I'm nice and toasty roasty. So running around would just be fun. And also burns off some calories and, you know, so then you can drink more. That's that's true. Okay. But karaoke, no. Def no. I just I just record you. That's fine. Record me. I will never get up in karaoke. That's okay. Legitimately, never. That's fine. Never. Never say never. Thinking about that makes my heart sink into my butt. Wait till my birthday. Birthday butt. You would never ask me me to do that. No, you wouldn't. You wouldn't ask that of me. What if I made you do, that one Meat Loaf song? Yeah, but I won't do that. I won't karaoke. I would never. Really? If you asked that of me, I would be really upset. Oh, jerk. I I mean, I can just rap Will Smith. Then we can do that. Getting jiggy with it. Yeah. Getting jiggy with it. Nah nah nah nah nah nah. Wild Wild West. Nah nah nah nah nah nah. Switch. I don't know that one. Switch. Oh, yeah. No. Actually, you know what? We're good on the Curio show. I could see. I could see what yeah. You're right. I think we'll just let you sit there and and story. Yeah. I'm gonna do what I do best, Instagram story. Okay. So this is my future. My future is Sundays, football, brunch, Davey Wayne, some bands, drag queen bingo, then karaoke. Monday recuperate. God. That is a lot. That my social, like, like, you know, the level in my social tank is, like, that that will be, like, already at Davey David Waynes, I'm gonna be struggling. Yeah. I just sometimes I just wanna sit and not talk to people. Well, I would just rather not go out I'd rather go out on a Tuesday night and a Sunday because or Wednesday and a Sunday because Tuesday? Well, it's so random. Because Friday Saturday, I feel like it's for the people that have the 9 to fives, and then all of a sudden they're like, I'm gonna party like I'm in a slatority again. Oh my god. And then I'm like, no. I'm just gonna take my Friday and my Saturday, and I'm gonna combine them and make it all on Sunday. That is what you do. That is what I do. Yeah. I know. And I'm really good. That's why I'm really good at lasting all day. And then sometimes we'll do we'll go to a friend's house and we'll play cornhole till, like, 4 in the morning. Oh my god. And listen to country music. It's Oh my god. Great. Beau, I will never last playing cornhole until 4 in the morning. Bye. I would I yeah. No. Mic drop. No. Yeah. It's that is I'll see you later. That is next level. Nothing is that fun at 4 in the morning. Cornhole is that fun at 4. Not. Yes. It is. You play it once or twice and you're like, okay, I've had my I've had enough of that. That's such a wedding game. What are you what are you talking about? People always play that at weddings. No. I have a custom, cornhole game at my place for the front lawn for summertime. I've never seen it. Because it's we haven't played it. I have it in the attic. Okay. You you got a custom cornhole. Yeah. I had a I had a friend, Travis, who did my TV frame in your TV frame. Interesting. I was actually gonna talk about that. Do, do a cornhole thing? Made me a cornhole one, and it's really, like, nice custom wood. I I really like that you just brought that up, that you brought your friend Travis up because I wanted to just claim what I have since everyone's copying off of me, or I guess you, whatevs. Do you guys have friends that copy off things you do? Maybe it's your outfit or It sounds like I'm about to do an ad. Or maybe it's something in your house or what you look like, your hair color, your haircut, and you're like, f**k. I just, like, stop doing what I do. Well, we have one of those people, and his name is Jax, And now Tom. But they Jax copies off of everything. Katie and I were talking about this with Bo yesterday. Katie moved into an apartment. Jax had to move into the same exact apartment. Katie got this car. Jax has to rent that car all the time. Jax copies. Jax is a copier and a one upper. He always has to just get something better than the thing he's copying off of. And Beau, in his home, has this awesome wooden frame around his TV, and when I saw it, I was like, Oh my God, I want that. I need to have that. It looks so f**king good. So he called up his friend and got one for me, and then Jack saw that I had a wooden frame around my TV and instantly went up to Bo, got all the information. Bo didn't know to not give him the information because I didn't tell him all of this s**t yet. And now Jax has one, and now Schwartz is getting one. Well, he asked about it, and I said my friend did. He didn't just go, where did you get that? Oh, you he he was sneaky. Yeah. But I didn't know this, and I also wanted to you know, my friend does really cool s**t. So I was like, oh, yeah. My friend does this. So I mean, shout out to your friend, Travis, for making really cool wood frames around TVs and all that stuff. But, like, now we're all gonna have the same f**king TV. Do you know how annoying that is? I do know. I take so much pride in my apartment and what it looks like. I mean, it looks different than anyone else's. And now we're, like, anytime, you know, every scene on freaking Vanderpump Rules when they flash over the TV, all of ours are gonna look the same. I should have bedazzled it. I should have done something to make it different, but I just want everyone to hear this first, that I, me and Bo, we were the first ones to have it. And you can't take that from us. No one will ever be able to take that from us. No one. Also because I Instagram stored it. Well, I will say this was your idea. I took it from you. You were the first to have the wooden frame. You know what? You just have you have so many good ideas, Beau. You are an idea man. I am. I'm a drunken idea man. What was your, toilet idea that you 100%. We were watching was it when we were watching Shark Tank in Amsterdam? I think. And you were, like, you were so into you should watch Shark Tank more often because you were really into it because you like ideas. I do. I thought it was a good idea. What was your toilet idea? I want you to tell everyone. Well, because watch someone take this and run just had their poop hands on the Poo Pourri, and you're spraying. It's gross. But what if Poo Pourri got in in business with, like, Toto, the the toilet manufacturing company? Know what the toilet manufacturing company when we piss in urinals, there's the f**king the the name is right there. So I I was about to say, did you research your idea? Like, how'd you know that? Did you reach out to Toto? I did reach out to Toto or Tutu, Toto. Toto. Africa. I'm like, why is the band Toto named after your urinal? But then have Poo Pourri embedded into the toilet where you don't have to touch anything. There's just a little foot lever Uh-huh. That you can just press once on the foot, and it just goes right in the toilet. You sit down. You do your business. Life is good. It's like, you know, connected, synchronized not synchronized, but what is it? Just I don't know. I'm letting you work these out for yourself. You're right. Come on, English major. Help me find my words. Poo Pourri and and embedded Yeah. Like, there's, like, a little thing that's already in there. Just a little cartridge. You lift up the back of your toilet where the water is, where you have the the the floating thing, and then you just put it in a new cartridge, and you sit down, and then, you know, you can have it at home. It'd be great. Poo Pourri, do it. Give me give me 5%. Well, this is the thing. I'm not sure the Shark Tank people would be, like, totally enthused, but I'm enthused. And so I will say this. I don't know that it'll sell like it'll become like a worldwide thing. I don't know if it's like a business yet, but when we own our own home, I will contact Poo Pourri in Toto and say, work with me. We're gonna put it in our toilets. Oh my god. I can't wait. Yeah. I can't wait. I love you that much. Wow. I'm gonna make your dreams come true. It's like Hall of Oates all, but, you know, on a toilet. What's Hall of Oates? It's a band. They have a song called, okay. What is it called? I'm singing it. No. Go ahead. What is it? No. No. Educate me. Nope. Educate me. Nope. Nope. I'll just let you work that out. I'm writing it down. Yeah. Paul and Oates. It's a weird name. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. No. I wonder if your fans will know what I'm talking about. You guys should just make fun of her later. I don't. Maybe you're just, like, not doing a good job singing it. Well, I do karaoke, and I sound just like how it sounds. Okay. Now, so, well, besides your toilet idea, you had the best idea of all time, and I have to credit you for it. Ladies and gentlemen, don't put the microphone down. Oh. I am a holiday owner. That's right, I own holidays. I made holidays my b***h. You started that s**t. Beau would watch me do my OOTDs in the mirror, and if you don't know what that is, outfit of the day photos to document on Instagram and stuff. All so he would watch me do this all the time. And then finally, he was like, you should see if you can get National OOTD Day. I know someone who did National Vision Board Day. Vision Board Day. National Vision Board Day? Yeah. It's like positive. It's nice. Yeah. I like So it's a new year. It's no OOTD day. Getting a bunch of magazines and, you know, whatever. I mean, I love making vision boards. I think they're that's fun. I haven't done that in a really long time, but whatever. And so he pushed me to do this. I con my people contacted the National Day board. I had to make a website. I had to talk about what my, what do you call it, like, my Holiday is about. Well, like what the the message is and, like, what I want to achieve with it and purchase it, which was rather expensive. And I now officially am the owner of June 30th National OOTD Day. June 30th. June 30th. National OOTD Day. Can you believe it? I own a freaking holiday. I'm a holiday owner. Awesome. I want business cards that say Stasse Schroeder, holiday owner. That's all I want. Let's do it. I will legitimately yeah. I will keep them in gold. They have to be in gold. Of course, they have to be in gold. With white lettering. Yes. Gold and white. Maybe a splash of of Blue. Baby blue somewhere. Like, that that that would work. I'm totally gonna get cards that say holiday owner. That'd be f**king hilarious. It would, seriously. But I want to talk about it for a little bit just because I want everyone to know what this is about. This isn't just about your outfit. Yes, I wanna celebrate personal style. I wanna celebrate everyone's individuality, but what I really think is important about National OOTD Day is that, like, okay. So we live it's 2018. Us feeling good about ourselves, social media affects that in such a profound deep way. When you post a selfie or a photo of yourself or your outfit and you see that you have a bunch of likes or your friends comment on it or write the fire emojis underneath your photo, that makes you feel good about yourself. That's what social media has. Social media has the ability to make us feel great about ourselves. So by posting your OTD, just taking a little more time on June 30th to get ready and put on an outfit that makes you feel good about yourself and post it. It's like celebrate I want everybody to celebrate just feeling good about themselves and their clothes because I love clothes. Yes, you do. So if I don't see all my Khaleesis posting for National OOTD Day, I'll cry. What if no one posts? What if no one likes National OOTD Day? I'm, like, scared of failing. Well, I mean, it's it's gotta be better than National Knitting Day. That's true. Alexa told us about oh, she just listened to me. Oh, god. f**k. Don't move. Don't move. Chicken that crosses the road twice. She's talking about chicken. Why is she Alexa, shut up. See, that's how I talk to a woman. No. I'm kidding. Just kidding. So get your, outfit of the days ready. Beau, you have you been thinking about your outfit today? Because I'm throwing a big party on June 30th. Of the day? I'm gonna wear I'm gonna wear everything that would That I don't like? Yeah. All the s**t that you were secretly calling me before I Overalls? Oh, I'm gonna wear my overalls. I'm gonna wear my bare shirt. I'm gonna wear my red shoes. I'm gonna wear, like, a I don't know, like, a a neon hat. I'm just gonna wear everything. You don't have to do that. Okay. I'll I'll You don't need to go that far. Okay. It's like the bare shirt with the overalls is, like, it is enough. That's fine. Okay. Because I'm probably gonna be, like, decked out in, like, a gown. I mean, live your best life. Right? Right. Okay. And with that, we're going. So thank you for listening. You're just sometimes you know, whenever I'm having trouble scheduling guests because of work and filming and all that stuff, you're just gonna have to fill in. I hope everyone's okay with that. They are. I'm a motherf**king woman. Alright. Love you. Bye.

Past Episodes

Stassi sits down with Sarah Hoover to discuss her memoir, The Motherload which is Stassi?s absolute favourite. Sarah opens up about her experiences with postpartum depression, childbirth  trauma, and those first few years of motherhood when she felt completely disconnected from her baby. It?s a raw, relatable conversation that will make every mom feel seen and less alone. They dive into the messy, beautiful truths of motherhood, the identity shifts, the boring baby classes, and  the magical moments that make it all worth it. Plus, they swap spooky ghost stories (because why not?) and how they?ve found their groove as mom?s. This episode is like a cozy chat  with your besties?honest, empowering, and a reminder that you?re not alone in the wild ride of motherhood.

This episode is sponsored by: OUAI - Go to THEOUAI.com and use code STASSI for 15% off any product. Caraway Home - Visit Carawayhome.com/STASSI10 for an additional 10% off your next purchase or use code Stassi10 at checkout. Boll and Branch - Get 15% off, plus free shipping on your first set of sheets at BollAndBranch.com/stassi. Quince - Go to Quince.com/stassi for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns.

01:21:38 2/12/2025

Stassi is spilling all the royal tea in this episode, and it?s all about the one and only Marie Antoinette! Joined by Even the Royals co-hosts Brooke Siffrin and Aricia Skidmore-Williams, they?re diving into the life of history?s most glamorous (and controversial) queen.

They?re breaking down the wildest rumors, the scandalous 18th-century tabloids (think TikTok drama channels), and the infamous Diamond Necklace Affair that helped topple the monarchy. Turns out, Marie was the original victim of cancel culture?hated for things she didn?t even do. Stassi opens up about her deep connection to Versailles, sharing why she?s so drawn to its opulence and drama. Together, they debate the highs and lows of royal life and tie it all together with a chat about Meghan Markle. 

This episode is sponsored by: OUAI - Go to THEOUAI.com and use code STASSI for 15% off any product. Nutrafol - Get $10 off and free shipping at Nutrafol.com with code STASSI. Our pLace - Go to fromourplace.com and enter my code STASSI at checkout to receive 10% off sitewide. Lume -Control Body Odor ANYWHERE with @lumedeodorant and get 15% off with promo code Stassi at Lumedeodorant.com! #lumepod. RO - Go to RO.CO/STASSI to see if you qualify. Hiya - Receive 50% off your first order at hiyahealth.com/STASSI.

01:09:46 2/5/2025

Stassi is joined by her sister Georgi for a fun-filled catch-up packed with laughs and sisterly banter. They dive into the age-old debate: who?s got it worse?middle kids or firstborns? (Hint: Stassi?s the firstborn and has opinions.) They also dish on Hartford?s Wicked-meets-Frozen birthday bash and chat about how parents today are upping their playground game to avoid mom-shaming. Stassi fangirls over Outlander?s latest time-travel twists, reminisces about rocking the Castlecore vibe before it was trendy, and wraps up with dreamy Jonathan Bailey moments. This episode is pure sisterly fun!

This episode is sponsored by: OUAI - Go to THEOUAI.com and use code STASSI for 15% off any product. Thrive Causemetics - Get an exclusive 20% off your first order at thrivecausemetics.com/STASSI. Rocket Money - Reach your financial goals faster with Rocket Money. Go to RocketMoney.com/STASSI . Cook Unity - Go to https://www.cookunity.com/STASSI for 50% off your first week. SKIMS - The Fits Everybody collection shop now at SKIMS.com and SKIMS stores. Liquid I.V. - Get 20% off your first order of Liquid I.V. when you go to LIQUIDIV.com and use code STASSI

01:11:54 1/29/2025

In the short but terrible time that we thought TikTok was gone, Stassi had some big realizations?like maybe high-stress situations aren?t her thing. Thankfully, TikTok survived, and now she?s joined by hysterical TikTok star Max Balegde! They spill royal tea, laugh about Max?s sweaty hands debacle, and swap stories about Disney conspiracy theories. From Samuel L. Jackson?s unrecorded interview to Max?s rise from viral videos to international TV, this episode is packed with hilarious moments and UK vibes. All thanks to the app that almost wasn?t!

This episode is sponsored by: OUAI - Go to THEOUAI.com and use code STASSI for 15% off any product. Thrive Causemetics - Get an exclusive 20% off your first order at thrivecausemetics.com/STASSI. Progressive - Find insurance options within your budget at Progressive.com . Chime - Learn more at chime.com/Stassi . Hiya - Receive 50% off your first order at hiyahealth.com/STASSI. 

01:22:54 1/22/2025

Stassi and Beau share their deeply personal story of navigating the Los Angeles wildfires, where everything changed in an instant. As they struggled to manage their fear and panic?Stassi showing hers outwardly, Beau trying to stay calm?they worked together to prepare their kids and make the emotional decision to evacuate their beloved home before winds kicked back up this week.

They reflect on how losing a home, whether you?re a celebrity or not, is about so much more than walls?it?s about memories, safety, and love. They are both consumed with thoughts of those who have lost absolutely everything they have worked hard to build. It's unimaginable. If you feel inclined to donate, at the end of the episode, they share some organizations supporting wildfire victims that are making a big difference.

This episode is sponsored by: OUAI - Go to THEOUAI.com and use code STASSI for 15% off any product. Thrive Causemetics - Get an exclusive 20% off your first order at thrivecausemetics.com/STASSI. Progressive - Find insurance options within your budget at Progressive.com . Thrive Market - Head to ThriveMarket.com/stassi to get 30% off your first order, plus FREE $60 gift. Nutrafol - Get $10 off and free shipping at Nutrafol.com with code STASSI. Caraway - Visit Carawayhome.com/STASSI10 for an additional 10% off your next purchase or use code Stassi10 at checkout.

01:22:38 1/17/2025

Stassi and C-O-Lo are kicking off 2025 with some major New Year's energy! After a long break with her kids, she?s feeling emotional about Hartford growing up?especially now that her daughter lives in her Elphaba outfit and has her contemplating a Frozen-meets-Wicked birthday party mashup. Stassi is on a mission to find her word of the year, taking inspo from Meghan Markle?s resilience, and spilling on how she?s tackling social anxiety as part of her New Year's goals.  Plus, she?s narrowing down her signature scent and embracing her forever love for Castlecore (she was into it before it was trendy). New year, new magic, and all the energy focused on manifesting positivity!

This episode is sponsored by: Lume -Control Body Odor ANYWHERE with @lumedeodorant and get 15% off with promo code Stassi at Lumepodcast.com/Stassi ! #lumepod. OUAI - Go to THEOUAI.com and use code STASSI for 15% off any product. RO - Go to RO.CO/STASSI to see if your insurance covers GLP-1s?for free. Hiya - Receive 50% off your first order at hiyahealth.com/STASSI. Our Place - Go to fromourplace.com and enter my code STASSI at checkout to receive 10% off sitewide. Progressive - Visit Progressive.com to see if you could save on car insurance.
 

01:14:18 1/8/2025

Stassi and her bestie Taylor Strecker are diving into holiday laughs and festive fun in this special Christmas Day episode. They kick things off dreaming up Jesus? signature cocktail (espresso martini or Prosecco?) and laughing about Stassi?s idea for a gallery-worthy painting of Jesus with his drink of choice?sorry, Beau! TikTok panic is real as Stassi preps for its possible farewell, and Taylor spills the tea on hosting Anna Delvey at her holiday party. From cheetah-print ornaments to Santa Barbara Christmas plans and toddler-level Santa logistics, it?s holiday magic, laughs, and plenty of inappropriate gifts. Cheers!

This episode is sponsored by: Nutrafol - Receive $10 off your first month?s subscription and free shipping. Go to Nutrafol.com use promo code STASSI. Lightbox Jewelry - Shop lab-grown diamonds at lightboxjewelry.com and get 10% off your first order with code STASSI10.

01:06:50 12/25/2024

Stassi and C-O-Lo are bringing the holiday cheer and a side of awkwardness in this festive episode! Stassi dives into her deep discomfort with opening gifts in front of people (can we normalize private gift-opening, please?) and shares her hilarious white elephant story, complete with sneaky gift-hiding. They chat about the lost art of thank-you cards, go-to holiday gift ideas, and the magic of Elf on the Shelf. Plus, Stassi vents about Beau hijacking her perfectly curated wrapping aesthetic, and they swap stories about revealing the big secret about Santa. It?s all things holiday, with laughs, relatable rants, and plenty of sparkle!

This episode is sponsored by:Quince - Go to Quince.com/stassi for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Hiya- Receive 50% off your first order at hiyahealth.com/STASSI. Ro - Go to RO.CO/STASSI to find out if you?re covered for free. OUAI - Go to THEOUAI.com for 15% off sitewide and enter promo code STASSI.

01:09:41 12/18/2024

Stassi?s back, and this time, Beau joins her for what?s basically a podcast date night. They kick things off with Stassi?s mysterious chin pain and dreams of a Mommy Makeover before diving into a hilarious game of questions. From social media icks like caption cringe and overused filters to conspiracies about secret celebrity tunnels with elite Starbucks, nothing?s off-limits. Stassi debates how she?d prove she?s from the future (witch or leader vibes?), and Beau dreams of a 1960s sports car while Stassi plans to splurge on Versailles antiques. It?s all fun, laughs, and a lot to talk about with these two!

This episode is sponsored by: Lume - Control Body Odor ANYWHERE with @lumedeodorant and get 15% off with promo code Stassi at Lumepodcast.com/Stassi! #lumepod. Better Help - This episode is sponsored by/brought to you by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at betterhelp.com/STASSI and get on your way to being your best self. Chime - Open your account in 2 minutes at chime.com/STASSI . Thrive Causemetics - Get an exclusive 20% off your first order at thrivecausemetics.com/STASSI. Our Place - Go to fromourplace.com and enter my code STASSI at checkout to receive 10% off sitewide.

01:12:47 12/11/2024

Stassi kicks off December with her BFF Taylor Strecker for a hilarious chat that covers everything from Christmas chaos to internet trolls. Stassi shares her dream of escaping LA?s holiday monotony, and the duo swaps parenting stories, like Messer?s energy overload to Hartford tattling on bounce house kids, and Stassi hilariously ?tells on herself? as a self-proclaimed narc They dive into celebrity gossip, including Taylor?s viral Page Six moments, and dish on beauty trends like preventative facelifts. Add yin-yang twin dynamics, Stassi's awkward Moana premiere moment, and a little Lindsey Lohan glow-up admiration?it?s holiday overload!

This episode is sponsored by: Lightbox Jewelry - New customers get 10% off their first order on lightboxjewelry.com using the code STASSI10. Hiya- Receive 50% off your first order at hiyahealth.com/STASSI. Nutrafol - Recieve $10 off any order! Enjoy free shipping when you subscribe. Go to Nutrafol.com and enter the promo code STRAIGHTUPGIFT. Dreamland Baby - Go to dreamlandbabyco.com and use my code STASSI for the BUY ONE GET ONE FREE. Caraway - Visit Carawayhome.com/STASSI10 to take advantage of this limited-time offer for up to 20% off your next purchase. Thrive Market - Go to ThriveMarket.com/stassi for 30% off your first order, plus a FREE $60 gift!

01:11:15 12/4/2024

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