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This is an ad by BetterHelp. Think about the people who inspire you most. Guess what? They don't have all the answers, but they do know how to ask for support when they need it. Therapy is a great way to find that support. BetterHelp has experienced therapists ready to help you with challenges ranging from clinical issues to the stress of everyday life, and it's convenient too. Visit betterhelphelp.com/newdirection today to get 10% off your first month. Hey. In this episode, comedian Kellen Erskine joins us. Very funny. Mayhem's doing news, and we'll do all that right after this. BetOnline is the world's most trusted betting platform and your number one source for betting on all the madness. Whether you're a seasoned fan or a first time bettor, BetOnline is your ultimate game day companion. With the largest selection of odds on everything from college basketball to $200,000 bracket contest, BetOnline continues to be your number one sports betting source. From every Cinderella story to every hat trick, BetOnline has you covered with odds, stats, and more for every game, every play, and every win. And remember, if the NBA, NHL, UFC, or golf is your thing, BetOnline has them all. BetOnline is your number one sports betting source. BetOnline, the game starts here. Pluto TV is the place for movie fans like me. And TV fans like me. They've got something for everyone, and it's totally free. You can binge laugh laugh out loud sitcoms like Frasier. And rewatch cult classics like higher learning. Whether you're in the mood to solve a little crime before bedtime with MCIS or Tracker. Or curl up with a surefire hit like Forrest Gump. Run, Forrest. Pluto TV has thousands of movies and shows all for free. Pluto TV. Stream now. Pay never. From Carolla one Studios in Glendale, California, this is the Adam Carolla show. Adam's guest today, comedian Kellen Erkskeen, plus the news and trending topics with Jason Mayhem Miller. And now his mom wasn't a trad wife. She was more of a tard wife. Adam Carolla. Yeah. Get it on. Got to get on the church. I got a man to get it on. Thanks for tuning in. Thanks for tuning in. Love that about you. Good to see you, Kellen. Thanks for coming by. Good to be here. The, podcast called the the BookPile podcast, and, Kellen's on tour as well doing shows all over this man's state and country, all through March, all through April. So you can go to Kellen, and then I will spell the, last name just so, just so you got it. E r s k I n e dot com for all the live shows? That's it. Yeah. Uh-huh. That's How's it going? How are how's the you're playing a place in Pittsburgh called the Sunken Bus. Yeah. That's a good name. It's a great net. Yeah. I don't know what it means. I don't either, but I like it when a comedy club doesn't, try and and be funny. I'm I'm with you. I'm with you. That's why my favorite rapper's named Common. It's like he's not you know, like, Cedric the entertainer's a little lofty. You know? And then there's all, like, we the best and he the best and everything. And then there's common. Well, it's actually like, I let my work speak for me, but you know Common sense. That was a real Even that even that, it's like if I need myself more sense, we would go. But what what I'm saying is is yeah. I don't I don't like it. I don't like the black names or it means queen of Nubia. You know what I mean? And she's working at McDonald's. Like, it just straight name straight name, and then we'll let your performance do the talk. And we know what the venue is. Yeah. I love it when, you can tell people had, like, I have an idea for a comedy. People have never worked in it before, and they're like, we'll call it the whoopee cushion banana bone. Right. You know? It's like I also they don't As if anyone has made a decision to go to a location because the name was so hilarious. Like, I was on the fence about it. But Chuckle Hut sounds awesome to me. But they don't realize how difficult it is for the comedian. Oh, yeah. Because then the comedian has to answer like, someone will go, we're you wanna come by this weekend? They go, no. I'm gonna be out of town. And then you go, where are you gonna be? And you go, my goobies joke. It's the it's the only reason I wanna graduate to theaters is so I can just play something. It's just yeah. I'm at the Belmont. You know, they just give it a name. Yeah. They just they just give it a name. For sure, the Bill Graham Civic Auditorium, like, the manager in charge is never like, I think we need to rebrand it to something more slapstick. Yes. Right? Yes. It you you get it's it's almost like It's the golden gaffe. They're the the clubs are trying to shame you into theaters. It's it's why I don't want junior college called community college. There's no shame in it. It sounds noble. I'm trying to shame you into a four year university by calling it junior college. It's like the the worst, apartment complexes have the right idea when it comes to marketing. I worked I installed basically water softeners for fifteen years, and it was always places, in the worst parts of town, complex, two stories, no balconies, but the fake facades of the guardrails out front and people's barbecues, you know, living over on the grass, and it would be called, like, Cedar Heights. Oh, yeah. No. No. Okay. I got I got thoughts. I got thoughts. Yes. First things first. Somebody decided in 1961 that you had to christen apartment buildings like there were boats. I don't know why. You don't have to name your house. You don't name your Dawson, what's your house's name? No naming. Get on it, bro. Because how do I know where I'm going? You know what I mean? Like, you don't Oh, yeah. Now once in a while Actually, my house does have a name. I knew you'd say that, Dawson. Everyone knows you're just disagreeing with me. Your house doesn't have a name. No. It does. It's called the No Oasis. No Oasis. Yeah. Ask any of my friends. And it's in the territory of Los Angeles, California. Alright. That's just off the Yeah. That was some expert point shooting right there, brother. Go on. Wait. That's near Dusseldorf? Yeah. Right around the border. Wait. Where was your two places? Dusseldorf and Laterhosen was Laterhosen was what you'd where? It was yeah. Okay. Alright. Let's let's get back. Is our does this sound okay? My mic sound alright? When you're closer to it, it does. But, yeah, it's a little bit right on the top. Me. Don't put it on it. Well, it sounds awesome right now. I know. Here's the thing. That room sometimes is boomy, and I have to adjust other people's microphones. Okay. If they're catching you, That's what you're worried. It's a little different. Alright. We'll get there. Here's what I'm saying. Yes. The apartment buildings in the San Fernando Valley, the s**ttiest part of the San Fernando Valley have a name like Polynesian paradise upfront. But out front, just a bunch of Mexicans walking in a circle looking for a place to die. And s**t, if there is a balcony, s**t on the balcony. Boy, you can tell a lot about what's going on inside the unit by what's on the balcony. The saddest tableaus, the kids' toys Yeah. Stuffed out on the balcony. Reached. Just s**t. The towel beach towel hanging over the top. But when you see a ton of s**t on that balcony, that's a bad sign. But, yes, we christen these apartments. And by the way, the the really nice ones have names that are not nearly as grand as the s**tty ones because they're overcompensating. No. They're, like, coy about it. Yeah. It'll just be, like, the the orange, you know, street. Oh, they'll they'll name it after did you wanna play the Wiltern Theatre? I played the Wiltern Theatre. Nowhere it got the name? It's on the corner of Wilshire and Wester. Wiltern. Easy. Yeah. Yeah. We're not trying. Right. They just want what should we name the theater? Well, how about the comedy palace? How about we just the street there? Uh-huh. Just go after that with a Wilter. And so comedy clubs need to get on board with it and maybe a place, yeah, like, you you know, you said said that Chuckle Hut could rebrand, to something like Madison Square Garden, but there's, like, a silent e at the end of garden. Yeah. Or to say Plain Garden. Round Garden or something. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I just moved out of a chirping fire alarm garden. Yeah. That's so you could be so if someone said, well, I live in an apartment out in LA. Where well, it's in Hawaiian Gardens, and it's the Grand Polynesian. Like, you go, wow. Did Elvis film movies there? Like and then you'd show up and it'd be a s**t box. So you're right. We need good names Mhmm. Or no names. I don't feel like you need to name your apartment. You you have an address. That's it. Yeah. You you look for the ad like, you tell the guy he's dropping off the Grubhub guy. You don't tell him the name of the place. You give him the address. Right? Yeah. It's overcompensation. So you're gonna be at the sunken bus then? Sunken bus. Yeah. There we go. They're already playing at my I wanna know what the sunken bus looks like because I what they're doing is they're giving it better not be at a strip mall because I'm picturing something interesting. Yeah. I don't know either. It looks, on the outside like an old, warehouse. I think it's run by comics, but I think it's comedy and marketing is so important. Have you heard of the don't tell shows? Yeah. I think I've done one. It's, they're great shows, and they're only they're but they play sometimes in in places that would seem, like, you know, a subpar venue like the backyard of a hostel I played one time Right. In Central, LA. But the crowds that come out are so energized because the the way it's marketed, it makes it feel like you're all in on this secret. Yeah. Like, no one else knows about this show except the 7,000 people on the email list. But this looks like a Mormon church to me. That oh, yeah. Oh, is this the sunken bus? I'm hoping it is. There we go. I played the don't ask, don't tell for a bunch of gay marines in the nineties. I remember that. That was a different gig. Yes. Looks got a vaulted ceiling. Yeah. Alright. Looks like a nice room. Yeah. I like that. Know where it got the name. I like that it's not themed to the name. Yeah. Alright. Let me ask you guys a question. Somebody I I somebody sent tweeted me a video of dogs fighting yesterday, and I just, like, retweeted it. And it got a lot of traction, and and a lot of people were weighing in with lots of opinions. We as a culture have tons of opinions on dogs, which is a weird thing. We our our our opinions on dogs should be limited. Yeah. But we have doggy daycare and sweater. I there I would say many folks who live in Los Angeles have spent much more on their dog's wardrobe than my parents spent on their children's wardrobe from zero to the time we left after high school. I I would say it's a safe bet. Dogs f**king hate clothes. I know personally I spent more on two of my dogs than with the vet bills. You know, one would just eat a a, you know, a brick of fudge in the middle of the night and go into a seizure or something. I spent way more on my dog than my parents spent on me or or my sister. And if you go, oh, get the f**k out. No. No. It it's easy. No braces, no college fund, no car, no no transportation, no prom bids, no letterman jacket. I mean, you're really just talking about Top Ramen at this point in tough skins. Right? Like, I spent way more on my dog. Yeah. Easily. Oh, yeah. I mean, there's a whole the the aisle of food at Target. Have you ever been tricked where you look into because they have now, like, refrigerated Mhmm. Doors and you look in and you get tricked by some ice cream that looks good and then you're seeing the fine print There's a pieces of ice cream. There's a there's dog's treats in the next room that I almost helped myself to yesterday because I just picked up the package and start it was starting to reach in, thinking it was, you know, trail mix or something. I don't know why they make it look appetizing. For dogs? Yes. s**t. Yeah. When trail mist mid, trail mix tastes like giblets, that's your that's your color. Turkey. It was delightful. Alright. So so this is a restaurant, and it looks to be out on the patio. The patio looks enclosed or something, but they're out on the patio and, a melee breaks out with dogs. Mhmm. And I think a pit bull takes a lap dog. Here it is. Mhmm. I do like women who just scream and sort of exacerbate this. Oh my god. It's a it's a pit bull that's got a little pup or lap dog in its jowls, and it's coming down, and everyone's just kicking the pit bull. And everyone's screaming. Why is he not letting go? And then there's always dumb chicks making stupid comments. What's going on? Why is he what's what that happened with the dog? Why isn't he more polite? Yeah. Like that. Oh. Oh. I like I I love the the visceral emotional commenters of life. We just go, oh, what is happening? Alright. Well, I hate that we've bred dogs for, you know, twenty thousand years to be things that they're not supposed to be, and then we're surprised when they're not friends. Yeah. Oh, okay. Right. So people are, like, commenting. You know? Like, what is that pitbull doing? Or the person with that pitbull shoulda had a muzzle. And I was like, or people stop bringing their f**king dogs to restaurants. So that's is that an option? Yeah. Is there an option? How is it that I sailed through my entire life nary a dog in a restaurant or an airplane or an airport or anywhere? Anywhere. There was no dogs. There was, like, one guy with a seeing eye dog. And listen. My thing with the seeing eye look. If your dog doesn't have a handle on it, then it's out. If it's got 12 foot of leash, that's not a that's not your service dog can't be 14 feet in front of you. Yeah. He's gotta be on a handle. The blind guys had a big handle on the dog, and they walked right next to the dog because the dog did something. Yeah. Yeah. It's enough. You shouldn't have to guess what the what service the animal provides. Yes. And you're on your third mimosa, and the dog's licking its balls over by my table. I'm guessing it's not performing a big service in your life at this point. Well, who else is gonna eat all the little dogs? Leave your f**king dogs at home. Just leave them the f**k at home. I get it. You like your dog. I like my dog. Everyone likes their dog. I love my dog. Dog is a home. I do not bring my dog on flights. Sure. I don't because I don't really need it, and there's other people on the plane. And that's the whole thing. You don't need your dog when you're eating. If and look. We have dogs that come into work here on occasion, and that's fine. People enjoy them, and people have reasons why. Sometimes they can't whoever's out, and they gotta walk their dog or whatever. It's fine. Bring your dog. That's fine. But but also couple things. There needs to be an agreement. Like, I'm bringing my dog to work, and then the boss goes, yeah. Fine. Bring your dog, and then who cares? Do not bring your f**king dog to the restaurant. Just don't do it. And by the way, people are talking about the pit bull. Yeah. Yeah. Hey, b***h. Don't bring your lap dog, and it won't get eaten by pit bull. Guess who else is trying to eat here? Human beings. Yeah. Yeah. Pit bulls and human beings are trying to eat under the same roof. Just leave your f**king dog at home, narcissist a*****es. And by the way, can we start judging and or enforcing? Yeah. The people who run the restaurant just go get the f**k out of here with your dog. Or I'll tell you what, sit in the parking lot with your dog. We'll bring you the food. Sure. Have that. And that's that's what bothers me about comfort animals is there maybe 8% of everyone who uses it actually needs it, and the rest of them No. It's 0%. It's zero. You don't need a comfort. Look. If you can't fly without your dog, then you have a serious mental condition, and you it needs to be looked at by a professional. Your dog is not gonna whatever it is. This is an ad by BetterHelp. Think about the people who inspire you most. Guess what? They don't have all the answers, but they do know how to ask for support when they need it. Therapy is a great way to find that support. BetterHelp has experienced therapists ready to help you with challenges ranging from clinical issues to the stress of everyday life, and it's convenient too. Visit betterhelp, h e l p, Com / new direction today to get 10% off your first month. There really is we invented comfort dog. It doesn't exist. It just it really it's not a category that it doesn't exist. It's like, chronic fatigue syndrome. That's just for depressed people. You're f**king depressed. That's why it's called depression. That's why you're fatigued chronically. If you f**king won the lottery, you wouldn't be too fatigued to celebrate. I love it too when people people have, like, two or three comfort animals, and it's like, how many do so each of them only provides 33% comfort. It really is yeah. Just Have you met my comfort menagerie? I have a Noah's arc of comfort. I'm backing it up to the restaurant. Keep your f**king dogs at home, everyone. Narcissists. Keep them at home. I've been saying this for a thousand years, and everyone's like, oh, leave him alone. You know, whatever. Keep your f**king dogs at home. Do not bring them to the airport, and certainly don't bring them to the restaurant. And whoever got your f**king dog eaten by a pitbull, well, s**t happens, b***h. Leave the f**king dog at home next time. I have no sympathy for you. That's what a a dog restaurant would be is just smaller dogs. Yes. That's what they would be serving. Yeah. We call it c**ktail weenies or something. We we give it a good name. We give it a c**ktail's Magoobies joke weenie. Alright. So we can all agree that while we're angry at the pit bull, the pit bull's just doing what pit bulls do. Yeah. Yeah. Right? Yeah. Yeah. And you bring them into some weird environment, and you tell them to mind their peace and queues while you watch us eat and drink for an hour and a half, that's a tall order for a pitbull. You know what I mean? Pitbulls are pitbulls. It's like yeah. Oh, yeah. And their smell their sense of smell is 9,000 times out of a human. So to bring in a place where you're just blowing food in their face and you're like, be quiet. It's like when the it's like when a a bachelorette party shows up at a comedy club. It's like Yep. Maybe you just shouldn't even be here. Why are you here? Yeah. You're 23. You're drunk. You're unfunny, and you're super talkative and loud. Yeah. And, yeah, you take a pit bull, and you just waft in quesadilla smell Yes. Into its nose for half hour, and the f**king thing starts freaking out a little bit. Chihuahua make direct eye contact with them? Sitting there smelling a quesadilla with steak in it, and it's looking at a schnauzer. You know? It's going, where is that? What's going on around here? It's gonna just turn into that rotisserie chicken. Why am I losing your hands? That little guy is eating all the food. I need to eat him. Yeah. I get it. It's the owner's fault. It's the f**king owner's fault. Stop bringing your dog's places, everyone. And you really don't need your dog to eat. You need your dog to hunt. That's it. Yeah. There's only hunting dogs. And to protect you from wild animals. I only want hunting dogs and seeing eye dogs with handles. That's it. No more your f**king dogs, weak brains. Keep them at home. And I get it. And by the way, everyone knows what they're doing. They just want their dog with them. They're not they're not they're not providing a service. The services I want my dog with me, which is cool. Like, I want my dog with me too. Sure. But I'm not an insane narcissist. It's a disservice animal to everyone else. That's right. That's right. It's a service to you and a disservice to everyone else. I was I don't know. Doss, you never see remember those pictures I took at LAX where dog squirted diarrhea for about thirty Yeah. It it right. It just squirted diarrhea for 30. The b***h with the dog the b***h with the dog is just walking ahead, and the dog's laying down an oil slick like James Bond. You know what I mean? Like, in this d b five. You know? Just gold fingers behind him. He pushes the trigger. You know? And I'm I'm standing I'm walking behind. I'm turning the corner. The sync's going around the corner. I'm going, what the f**k is going? I'm seeing stewardess with the wheelie luggage go right through the f**king s**t stream. Nobody everyone's on their phone and walking real fast, and I'm looking at all you know, I I'm hypervigilant, so I'm looking at all the s**t on the ground going, what the f**k? And everyone's just plow everyone's just trucking right, stepping in it, and the floor shines. It's like it's and then some poor fat Mexican lady who works at the airport has to come in behind the rich white entitled chick and clean up her f**king dog s**t. Scoop up all the comfort diarrhea. Yes. Alright. Now we'll zoom in a little here. I I got multiple pictures here. This is right in the middle LAX, right in the middle of a busy terminal, and this guy fired s**t four foot long as s**t. Yeah. And look ahead. If you look ahead 10 feet, there's more s**t on the ground. They just spread s**t right all over the the walkway, and people just they roll their luggage right on through. It's gotta be weird when they get to the hotel. Like, who farted? Honey, did you fart? No. Well, I smell s**t. It's coming from your Samsonite. Yeah. He But we're not allowed to bring a bottle of water through security. More than 3.5 fluid ounces. I had a guy tell me he had cologne. The cologne said, like, five ounces on it, and the guy was like, 3.5. And he's like, what's half empty? And the guy's like TSA guy's like, just go stand by the trash can and do it. Do, like, 10. Oh, and by the way, put on this dunce cap while you're doing it. Could you do that? Could you do that for me? And then before you come back, just gonna need you to do the hokey pokey real quick. Just turn yourself around. Alright. Then go on through. I mean, because that's what it is now. Just guy standing by trash can. Right? Yeah. The only time I get confrontational with people in public is with the TSA. And I had one guy behind me, just another passenger say, just leave them alone. They're doing their job. It's not their fault. And I was like, it it's a % their fault. Like, these people chose a job that knew it would allow them to go through other people's stuff and touch you, like, hard to root for that guy. I I agree. When people go all the time, like, look look. Get the why are you hassling the meter maid? Why are you hassling the meter maid? They chose this job. They tried hard to get this job. They stood in line. They filled out an application. Competition with 20 other people. They they were drug tested. They were tested and see if they could drive a left hand drive Cushman. This is more s**t from the same airport. Do you see the owner anywhere cleaning it up, or is that b***h gone? And and and if you look ahead even, another 12 feet head, they spread this s**t out over three or four gates. And it just sat there, and I just by the way, I don't know what's wrong with most human beings. Mostly everyone was just on their phone plowing through the s**t. I was like, what is going on? Well, I mean, you assume that you walk into the airport, it's gonna be duty free. That's good. Yeah. I I get it. I get that people don't expect to step in dog s**t at LAX. But not. But, you still gotta have your f**king head on a swift. Well, then this is now getting on a plane, like, something with a stomach this volatile. Well, not only is this is the owner like, he's probably done. He's good now. Yeah. He s**t he s**t his brains out in the airport. He's good for the next six hours. No. Yes. Yep. You have a you have a dog that got hold of a bad Gainsburger the night before and is now on the flight farting and s**tting, in coach. But, also, you have all the people that stepped in the s**t and rolled their wheelie back through the s**t getting on flights as well. Sure. It's stuck in a global pandemic like the end of 12 monkeys. By the way, this is the majesty of terrazzo for flooring, ladies and gentlemen. This is why I want terrazzo. Because you You you do this on carpet. You gotta f**king roll it up and throw it away. You do this on vinyl. Any anything but terrazzo. Terrazzo, you just get in there with a squeegee and a hose like a monkey cage and just spray that whole thing down. Terrazzo's bulletproof. Why are we trying to get He goes, I'm talking. Oh my god. A guy throws elbows in orbital sockets all of a sudden got a conscience about his his sensibilities have been offended by the fecal matter. I'm just trying to stay on YouTube. Okay. Alright. Alright. Anyway, so dogs okay. No no more dogs. No f**king more. And listen, everybody. Sorry that we have to do this. Like, we've now come to a we're we live in a society where I had a lengthy conversation with an employee a day ago about his father-in-law taking his daughter. His daughter is this person's fiancee, wife, girlfriend, significant other, taking her Prius in to get a cage welded Oh. Around the, Catalytic converter. Catalytic converter so it couldn't be stolen. So thanks, dad. But okay. But that's where we're living. We've just signed off on a world, not a world where we try to stop people from stealing catalytic converters, a world where we need to put a shark cage around our catalytic converters, and some world where there's gonna be s**t in airports and dog fights at restaurants, but not a world where we tell you you can't do that. Right. We need to get back to that world, everybody. I'm telling you right now, leaving people alone, the natural state. My my I had a hippie mom, and and she was into the leave it alone, you know, the, like, the natural state. And we had a front yard, my house that we flopped in, which was my grandma's house, and she was like, just leave that front yard alone. Like, let nature take over. You know? She was like an Indian. You know? Well, two months later, it was f**king weeds up to here and s**t everywhere, and it looked like s**t. I mean, we should have been sued by the neighbors. They'd look, just stepping back and leaving alone, you don't get a golf course putting green out of that. You get f**king weeds and racc**ns and dirt and s**t. You get s**t. Right. Yeah. But there's this thing of, like, we'll just step back and just let the people kinda do what they do. No. It's the easier route. And a a a a front lawn doesn't exist in nature. It's insane. That's right. LA. It's a desert. That's what should be here. Right. So to just leave it alone. But it's a metaphor for, like, how these idiots govern. Like, don't take these guys and put them here. Just step back a little. Let them find their own space. You know? Okay. That s**t in the airport, and you're missing your catalytic converter. The guard there's a catalytic converter guard. Again, when when when we started running commercials for the medication that relieved constipation caused by the pain pills, we should have stopped and said, hold on. Where we heading here? Because we have another medication for the other medication the guy's hooked on because he's backed up, because he's taken too many Vicodin, and now we have another medication. We should stop for a second and really check ourselves here. When we started making a cage for your catalytic converter, we should have stopped as a society and started to take a look in the mirror. Where are we at as a society? The cage was a hundred and $50, and the install was, $80. But let me tell you what I know about criminals and cartels. This will soon be defeated as well, or they'll just pull it off and sell the cage to somebody. But we're looking at a picture of it now. Now is it screwed in, and how do they fasten it? Because they have those fasteners. You ever see you're going to the bathroom and see those screws where you can only tighten them, but if you loosen them, it doesn't work. Yeah. You see that look? You need a special drive. Like, they'll do a lot of you need a key, a special drive, and a key or something. Yeah. I think these very resilient gangbangers are gonna figure out a way to get under there with a twelve, ten millimeter socket on an impact gun, and, they'll figure the key out. Okay. So they do they do what they do is the Allen wrench with the little nipple in the center of it, and you need a key. But these people and a and a 10 millimeter bolt. They will soon get these keys. Yeah. Yeah. And they will just put the keys on a cordless impact gun, and they'll zip zip zip. That'll fall away and they'll go right to it. But maybe it's enough to stymie them. On the other hand, if they're carrying guns and shooting people who walk out, then they have all the time in the world if you think about it. Like, if you think, well, I'm on the clock. Yeah. You're on the clock until the guy until the father of two walks out. But if you just kill him, then you can go go about your business. Right? You know, it seems easier than making that is moving. It does. Like, maybe you should charge up the Prius. The range on a Prius is about 500 miles. That'll easily get you to Nevada. Easily. Don't miss Adam Carolla live. This weekend at the Desert Ridge Improv in Phoenix, Arizona, 5 shows. Two on Friday night, two on Saturday night, and one on Sunday. Next month, Adam hits San Diego at American Comedy Club on April. Get tickets for this and all of of Adam Carolla shows at adam carolla dot com. 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They even have an agent directory with the sales history of each agent. So when it comes to finding a home, not just a house, this is everything you need to know all in one place. Homes.com. Homes Com. We've done your homework. Yeah. I get the idea. They see the thing and they move on. I here's what's gonna happen. They will be initially defeated by seeing it. Initially, they will see this cover and be defeated by it. That's the first wave of gangbangers. But the next generation of criminals will show up armed to defeat it. That's how life works. You know what I mean? Like, the first group of drug runners in their swift boats was getting busted, but the second group built submarines. Sure. Right? They they always they always figure that out. Yeah. That's how criminals work. They're adaptive. My grandfather played football with a leather strap on his head, and they were tackling each other a little differently than they do now. That's what's crazy about. The more safety things we put in place, the more they're just weaponized. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And it yes. You went people argue that it was a much safer game when people were worried. That makes sense. Yeah. This is why I want airbags taken out of vehicles. It'll stop the texting immediately. Alright. Let's see. Got other things to complain about. Let's see. There's a couple couple things I'm interested in. There's the Can I get your opinion on something? Yeah. Yeah. Go ahead. So I, we live in Valencia now, but we we I used to live a couple blocks when we were just on the other side of Ikea. And when we moved down here from the Bay Area, I drove, this, you know, Penske moving truck, which, by the way, is is crazy to me that, like, to work for a moving company, you have to get a different, you know, driver's license. You have to train for it. But if you just wanna rent a 30 foot vehicle you've never driven in your life, they're like, well, have it back by Thursday. You know what I mean? It is Like It is an interesting world where when I rode a motorcycle in this city, I got busted, and the motorcycle got towed because I didn't have a license for the motorcycle even though I rode the motorcycle and I own the motorcycle. So I f**king know. It's like, do I need to pull a permit to use my toothbrush? Like, I think I got this. You know? If I don't got it, I'll know it real fast. You know? So, yes, it's a two wheeled little vehicle, and I need a special license for it. But if you wanna jump into the 30 footer with grandma's attic hanging over the top and mirrors you're not used to, you can take that and plow right down the highway. I was terrified the entire time. And now Or you can fill it with fertilizer and go down to the Federal Building. But sorry. A little bit too dark. Go ahead. I make the trip down here just white knuckling it the entire time, and I have to have it back by, like, 5PM or it's an extra $80 or whatever, it was. And so I'm searching around Downtown Burbank for a gas station that has diesel. I didn't realize at the time not every place has diesel. I finally find one off of Glen Oaks. As I pull into it, I I snap a water main. And then I see A water main? I see in the passenger mirror just this dirty, muddy guy. They're 35 feet. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. Just because You clipped, like, almost a fire hydrant? It was, it was, like, an upside down you, and it was just pure copper, which, you know, isn't isn't gonna hold. But no cage no cage or anything around that by the way. Cage. Just sweating copper. So Two inch. Even feel it. Yeah. I just pulled in. And, yeah. And and I was mad at Penske. Like, well, yeah, this was gonna happen. Yeah. You think I've ever practiced with orange cones? I rented this yesterday so I could put my entire life in it. I do like the people that sue people, but, basically, the the the the thesis is you should have known I was r****ded before you sold me this crossbow. Yeah. Like, you know what I mean? I'm suing the I'm suing the shot. You know, I love the thesis of you should have known I was completely napped in a f**k up, and I like to day drink before you sold me this, fill in the blank, or let me do this. But, you know, you brought me to to a thought. It's an interesting thought. You guys tell me if you sign off on this thought. I've had a lot of different cars over the years, and I never can really figure out what side the gas cap is on. And Yeah. Yeah. And no matter how many times I fill up, I still have to check Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. The smallest arrow ever created. You're right. The smallest arrow ever ever man has ever ever you know, sometimes you see people, like, do oh, we're gonna do the Magna Carta on a grain of rice. That's the guy they use to put the arrow where you're going, what side? There's the gas pump thing on the dash. Where where is the it's this it it's not even a full arrow. They won't even commit to an arrow. They just go head. No shaft. No shaft. Just head. Even then, it's not even that intuitive because, yeah, it's just a triangle. And you're like, is that what side is that even going? Yeah. By the way, Assasoli, we could go we could go any direction with that. They'll they'll tell you about the octagon. There's no gas tank openings on both sides. How much more would that cost? They did they had some of that some of that in the sixties, like seventies, you know, the high end. They do both sides. They do the cool one that was in right in the back. Oh, sure. So you're always Flip up. It's like being bisexual. You're always getting light. Yeah. You're always getting light. Yeah. Yeah. Because it's in the middle. You know what I mean? You can't there's no wrong direction. Can I tell you the the embarrassment, the heartache of pulling in and then going, buckets on and then having a you gotta do the math? Wait a minute. I'll be facing the other direction, so it's still gonna be on the wrong no. I got. And people are honking and trying to get in, and you're doing, I'm sorry. I gotta come around. Okay. How about this? I got a thought. I get burned. If I don't check, I never guess right. There's no coin toss for me. I lose every time. Don't you think that's the essence of whether a person is lucky or not? Like, wouldn't you we should take every 18 year old and just put them in 10 different cars and go, just go over there and fill up. Go to that go to that mobile. And they go, what side? You're not gonna know what side the gas is. I want you to just feel it. Yeah. Just feel it to see where you're at. Now I'd probably go, like, one for nine. You know what I mean? When I found a kid that went nine and one or 10 and o, I'm like, we're going to Vegas. Yeah. Because you got it. Rain man's You got something going on. Like, this is just a natural thing. And we put a little piece of tape on the dash. Nobody knows what side. Anything I just said, just drive in and get gas. How about that? Just do it. To me, it's the same principle of, like, this is why I think the lottery is insane. Why it's it's it's bonkers that anyone would ever buy a lottery ticket. The the odds of the mega millions, is one in three hundred million. That is that is it's incomprehendably. It's it's essentially zero. Right? That's like Guess there. It's like guessing if if someone said, like, pay me $5, I'll give you a billion. It's hidden in any address in the entire United States Of America. All you have to do is guess it. People would be like, that's crazy. Those odds are one in three hundred million. When I walk out of my hotel room, I I've been doing comedy for twenty years. Every time I walk out, I can't remember which way the elevator is. Right. Those odds are one in two. Right. Right. But one in three hundred mil like, if you look at your weather app and it says, like, there's a 10% chance of rain, you'll you're not gonna cancel a wedding because you're like, well, that'll never happen. That's one in ten that we know that will never happen. But for some reason, it hits one in 300,000,000 in everyone's zone. It's like, well, you never know. Well, when you go it's funny. When you go to white people places, you don't get behind people that are buying these things. Like, when you if you live you know, when I used to live in Malibu, you never pull in the liquor store or the supermarket and go, this f**king yachts is buying tick lottery tickets. You see, when you get behind someone who's buying lottery tickets and you're not so rich white people don't engage in this because they they know the f**king odds, and they as they would say, it's folly. Well, if you live in Dallas, you kinda already won the lottery. Won the lottery. But it's the poor brown people that are doing it in LA. You know? And the thing is you go in a liquor store and you pull up behind one of these guys, you're like, okay. This is good because this guy's just buying cigarettes or something. And then the guy's going, give me two of the jackpot. Two of the yeah. No. Not with the cherries, not with the yeah. No. Those are cherry tomatoes. I'm talking about I'm talking about Bing cherries. Yeah. And you're like, I'll force you to f**king get your stupid tickets and lose and go home already. And then they're they're working a strategy out. They're gonna give me two California scratchers. And then, let's see how many grandkids. I have 36 grandkids. So give me 36 of the Los Angeles the one with the Dodger hat on it. Yeah. I mean and you're like, okay. There is no strategy, you f**king idiot. And by the way, I'm looking at you. If you were lucky, I think we would've known it by now. Your truck has three different color fenders on it. You have f**king stucco on your head. This is You're a mess. This is not a guy. Who pulled into that gas station and corrected himself three times from where the gas tank was. You're not lucky, and you certainly don't have the money for this. This is you're throwing the money away. We prey on stupid poor people with the lottery, but I've never heard a f**king politician say work. Now oh, remember what oh, god. I found out I'm gonna ask you to do something, Dawson. Remember that commercial? Or there was a there was a commercial I was complaining a lot about, and for some reason, that, cow politician, Katie Porter, who's running for governor. She's gonna be Oh. Yes. That f**king cow. I'm Katie Porter. The one who moved to California twelve years ago. Yeah. She drove her f**king minivan over. Turbine. Yeah. She's not she's not a Californian. She alright. I listen. I I, with all due respect, she's a r****ded cow Yes. With all due and I mean and I like her. And I'm She's a lot of respect. She's a r****ded cow out of respect. I I I found out yesterday she's running for governor, so we are f**ked in California if she wins. But but look. We're Kamala wins. Katie Porter wins. I don't know. Whatever it is, we're f**ked. But okay. She had a whole thing. Remember I told you Washington Mutual or B of A or whatever, like, four or five years ago that ran this campaign to us and where they were like, hey. It was your bank account, your savings account talking to you. And it was basically just going, you would go, how come I don't have more money in my savings account? And then your savings account would say, well, maybe you should make your own coffee instead of buying expensive, you know, Starbucks. And then you'd go, you, how come there's not more money and your bank account would say, well, you should walk instead of Ubering and get some exercise, and you should cook meals at home instead of going out. It was basically your account telling you to do sensible s**t for people who didn't have a lot of money. Like, you don't have a lot of money? Make your meals at home. You don't have a lot of money? Make your coffee at home. Don't pay $8 for a coffee. For some reason, this angered Liz Warren and because Katy Perry dykes out or I should say Katy Porter. Oh, man. That'd be a coin toss. That would. What if I said that? You're gonna spin that wheel? The Katy Perry, Katy Porter? Oh, now we got a new Avril Lavigne. New admiral Avril. Yeah. So I had a game that I used to like to play here, which is, Avril Lavigne, hot Canadian pop star, versus admiral Lavigne, he, she, crazy man, woman, working for the Biden administration as health and human whatever. Who's that that cow up there going, I don't know, dark history monster. And then you're like, ugh. But Avril Lavigne hot. Sure. So do you spin that wheel at fifty fifty going into the into the you're going into the bedroom? Fifty fifty. Based on your gas tank luck, maybe not. Yeah. See, that's what I'm saying. If I saw a kid who went nine and one, I go, you f**king spin that wheel because Avril Lavigne's gonna be sucking your dick. I wouldn't spin in there. You'd spin it? Alright. Alright. So do you Porter if I needed to? Porky Porter? Alright. So you'll do the Katie Porter, Katy Perry wheelspin? A %. Yeah. Alright. Write that down, Josh, and we're gonna this gonna be a thing for us now because we've admiral Levine is gone now. Poor admiral Levine is just gone now. Oh, jeez. You spin that wheel? Oh my god. Never mind. You know, it's funny. I like when guys start negotiating. Like, I'll do a fifty five forty five split on it, but I'm not going fifty fifty. Yeah. Mhmm. Alright. So Katie Porter, I was gonna run for governor, was, doing this whole thing about, your checking account. I don't know. She was yelling at Washington Mutual or BFA for telling people what to do. I don't know why. It's it's I would call that sound advice. But okay. Why doesn't she blast the California lottery? Why don't any of these politicians attack the lottery? The lot it preys on poor people. It preys on un okay. Who's Katie Porter and Gavin Newsom's and all mayor Bass? Who is their favorite person? Poor Mexicans. They love poor Mexicans. That's their whole world. The raison d'et is poor Mexicans. It ain't rich whitey. It's poor Mexican. This s**t preys on poor Mexicans. How come I don't hear f**king word out of your mouth? Yeah. %. Well, yeah, and the states make so much money from the law. Oh, you don't care about money. You're not Elon Musk. Elon Musk sits on his bed made of money and laughs and protect himself with sacks of money. But that's Elon Musk. You guys don't care about money. You love poor Mexicans. And they say, like, 40% of it goes to schools. And it's like, well, how good are the schools if they're not teaching kids they shouldn't buy lottery tickets? Right? That's it. I leave that at the top of my list. Class that money should fund is why not to buy a lottery ticket taught by professor Carolla, followed by you can't bring your dog to a f**king airport, followed by you can't bring your dog to Gaucho Grill. Alright. So that clip is somewhere, Dawson. I can't it's like five years old. I'm looking for Katie Porter right now. Okay. Sorry. Yes. This is an ad by BetterHelp. Think about the people who inspire you most. Guess what? They don't have all the answers, but they do know how to ask for support when they need it. Therapy is a great way to find that support. BetterHelp has experienced therapists ready to help you with challenges ranging from clinical issues to the stress of everyday life, and it's convenient too. Visit betterhelp, h e l p, Com / new direction today to get 10% off your first month. Yeah. So where why aren't they stepping out? Why aren't they protecting the poor people? It really is horrible for poor people, and that does not affect rich people. Oh, yeah. It's insane. I mean, if you wanna make a good business, make your product addictive, and that's what that's what the lottery is. That's what gambling is. That's but I I also understand. Like, I've never gambled in my life. I did one time, in Atlantic City. Time you get behind the wheel of a truck, bro. You're rolling the dice. Yeah. That's that's a gamble. Not only for you, but we're all living in your casino now because we could all be co. So I I I go to this, casino in Atlantic City just because I was with another comic who was, like, a a gambling addict. And he was like, if you've never been to a casino before, they give you a free voucher if you join. And I was like, sure. Fine. We'll do it. There's, you know, nothing else to do this afternoon. So I get the voucher for, like, $20. The, I put it in the machine, and, of course, they're all rigged to do this to, like, start that dopamine cycle that ruins your entire life because the the first the first time I I don't even know what it's called when you do the slot machine. The first time I pulled a lever lever. I win $90 off of this 20. Mhmm. And, immediately, I understood. I understood, like, the two paths that lay before me because on the one hand, I was like, I I knew a % they do this on purpose to keep you here so you can lose the rest throughout the day. But the other part of me was like, I mean, but I may never have to work ever again. You know? And that's No. No. No. That's why people buy lotteries. The government is complicit. The politicians are complicit, and the f**king news outlets are complicit. Like, oh, the government and the lottery's top 22,000,000,000. So go out there, and we send a camera crew out to a liquor store to see four Mexicans stand in line. Like, hi, Bert. Here I am. We got dumb Mexicans standing in line. They don't have money. Sir, how much do you owe in, back child support? Much much of much of dollars went bright. Alright. How much you gonna spend on all well, I'm gonna spend the money that I'm supposed to give to a child support and orthodontia toward a child of mine. Anyway, here we go. Back to you in the studio. Yeah. The the real news should be can you believe people are still doing this? Yes. Like, the odds. So my whole thing with all these f**king people is until you stand up against your own lottery, I do not f**king believe you. And I say the same thing about the women's groups that are worried about the way Trump is doing. Until you go abroad and find women they're getting f**king a*s and thrown in their face for reading, then I'm not listening to you. Because I I think your moral compass is broken, or I don't believe you on whatever else you're talking about. Did you find find it? Yeah. Alright. So there's the ad, and then we have Katie's tweets, which, by the way, I don't There's a news story from USA Today, I believe. I just think it's great that a lady with Down syndrome is running for office. Me too. It's nice. JPMorgan Chase's attempt to spread some money motivation on Twitter completely backfired. The bank had sent a tweet to its 400,000 people. Alright. Pause it there. So the bank says, you, why oh, sorry about the pause it pause, but pause it while I'm trying to read it. The bank says, why is my balance so low? The bank account, make coffee at home. Bank account. Eat, the food that's already in the fridge. Bank account. You don't need a cab. It's only three blocks away. Okay. These are all things I would consider when I was poor, which everybody who's low on Yeah. Now first off, rich people should think this way too. They just don't have to. But this is a noble way to think. Okay. Well, that's what Chase Bank sent out. Seems pretty innocuous except for two r****ded cows. They get angry, and and Liz Warren gets angry too. Somebody wants to send her smoke signals to the reservation. It's just she was able to read the smoke signals. Yeah. Yeah. Or she put her ear down to the train tracks and didn't like the way Chase was talking? I who do they have the Internet on the reservation? I don't know. Okay. Anyway, so then they respond so you can keep it going. So this is just a story, but it's aimed at customers with low balances, but was supposed to include tips on how to save money. It was received it received backlash. Alright. Hold on. Pause. Okay. Dawson, you're gonna have to keep your finger by the pause button is what I'm saying during these events or something. I'm controlling audio. Oh, okay. Whoever who's the pause person? Byron? Byron? Byron, I I think for the maybe this will be the thirty seventh time we've discussed this, but you gotta keep your finger next to the to the button. So when I said pause, then you you would pause it. Yes, sir. Is that how many times in your mind has that come up if I said that? I mean, my finger's on the button, but then, like, it disappears because the video plays without me doing any input. And then Space bar. Also, I'm trying to keep it clean for the viewers at home so that when it's in the picture in picture, it doesn't look safe. Oh, okay. Or you're multitasking. But keep the finger on the pause button. I that's what I'm saying. Alright. So I ain't gotta go back because, Liz Warren got involved, and, she she doesn't like this. I don't know why, critics like presidential candidate Elizabeth Warren, so this is older, had something to say about it. And at some point, Katie Cowe Porter got involved. Oh, there she is. Katie Porter. They both fired back several responses, denouncing the bank's tweet. Okay. Now let's see what cake. Can anyone read that? I can't read it for you. Says, hey, Chase. Try paying your workers more. Families aren't spending frivolously. They're trying to pay rent. That's what Kate Carter says. Okay. Listen, r****ded cow. If you're trying to pay rent, then don't pay $8 for a coffee at Starbucks and eat at home, and don't pay Uber fourteen dollars for a place you could walk to in ten minutes. Is that why why doesn't the r****ded cow understand that concept? By the way, Chase probably could pay their employees more, but this tweet is not meant for their employees. It's meant for humanity. It's meant for the tens of thousands and hundreds of thousand people. This is not an an an an internal memo, r****ded cow. This is for the people to save money. But she by the way, are these, like, gotchas or zingers from the r****ded cow? Like, how about paying your people more? Okay. We could do that. And poor people could not pay $11 for coffee. Alright. Alright. Can we do them both? Okay. Try paying more with more. If she really was an advocate of the poor, she would be saying, yeah, that's probably a good idea. Yeah. Yeah. Don't do things you can't do. If she actually gave a f**k about poor people. Yes. And by the way, families aren't spending frivolously. They're trying to pay rent. Well, how the f**k do you know what first off, how many poor people you've seen with expensive rims on their piece of s**t cars? I would go ahead and call that frivolous. Would would you not? Yeah. Yeah. I I'd say that'd be for poor people are perfectly buying a lottery ticket is frivolous spending, which is done exclusively by poor people, r****ded cow porter. So that's yes. That is frivolous. That's the ultimate in frivolous. At least when you buy rims for your Denali and the rims are worth more than the f**king car is, at least you at least you're on something. This is you buying rims and the rims never show up. You just go in and pay for the rims, and then you go home and you never and then you say to your wife, like, where she goes, where are the rims? You go, yeah. It didn't work out. I didn't win the rims. Okay. I also but I I so I get both I mean, both sides of this is insane to me because, like, Chase Bank giving out financial advice from the government also bailed them out for $3,000,000,000. I'm not I'm not a lover of big corporations. What I don't like is r****ded cows trying to make hay when, if you did care about your poor constituency, you would work hard to eliminate the lottery. Sure. You just you just add on vote for me at the end of every sentence, and you see the perverse incentive. Right. Incentive. Right. That's the only reason. Who's the bigger issue for your poor folks? Is it Chase Bank, or is it the lottery? Okay. Sorry. You can keep it going, Dawson. So Katie Porter wants to call out Jamie Dimon of JPMorgan. Alright, r****ded cow. Alright. So, anyway, here's the point. We're f**ked. If if if this if we either get the r****ded cow or we get Kamala. I I don't know. Who else? Who else? Doctor Drew? That'd be awesome. That would be sick. Yeah. Oh, I'd be in his ear every day. Listen, these red turn arrows. I hope I get a cabinet position. Oh, yeah. That's right. I'll put you in a cabinet. Alright? I just lock it. Alright. So I do not I don't know anything about Katie Porter other than she decided to burn calories attacking an institution that told poor people to save their money. And for that, she's become a r****ded cow. But the wheel, once again. Now first up, I love admiral Levine. I like that wheel better. Yeah. Yeah. But admiral Levine, that's a lot of downside because that's c**k and balls there. Push them out the way and get to work. Once listen. We didn't spend as much time in prison as you did. We we have different sensibilities about these things. A man. But Katie, what I mean f**k. I'm a gambler. What do you do? I'm a gambling man, Adam. Let me at it. Kellen, what do you do? What first off, which wheel do you wanna be on? You want the Avril Lavigne, Admiral Lavigne, or you want the Katie Porter or the Katie Perry wheel? Oh, I don't know if I'm gonna play this. I should You gotta my wedding ring. It doesn't. I'm sorry, but you have to play the game. So which wheel we should spin? This one. You will. Yeah. I don't I don't mind someone in uniform. Yeah. But the uniform's gonna hit the floor pretty quick. Quickly. And are you a skater boy? Yeah. I listen. As much as I hate Katie Porter, I think I gotta stick with the Katie Porter one because at least we you know, mathematically, things will work out even if it's a bad math. Alright. You got some news ready to go over there? I do. I got some news. Alright. We're gonna hang out, and we're gonna do a little news. Right, Kellen? Sounds good. We'll do that right after this. Morgan and Morgan. Well, there's a reason why my opinions hit like a heavyweight punch. No fluff. No fill. Just the truth. And that's why there's Morgan and Morgan, America's largest injury law firm. For over thirty five years, Morgan and Morgan has been fighting for the people just like you and I. They have over 100 offices with more than a thousand lawyers nationwide. If you're injured by the negligence of another, you deserve to be paid. That's where Morgan and Morgan comes in. When you hire the wrong law firm, well, you may be beat before you even start the fight. All law firms are not the same, and that's why I love Morgan and Morgan. Am I right, Dawson? If you're ever injured, you can check out Morgan and Morgan. Their fee is free unless they win. For more information, go to forthepeople.com/adam or dial pound law, pound five two nine, from your cell phone. That's f0rthepeople.com/adam or pound law, pound five two nine, from your cell. This is a paid advertisement. Ever walk into a store and not know what kind of wine to get? Well, I've stopped wasting time at the grocery store staring at a giant wall of wine and not knowing what to pick. That's why I love our next sponsor, Naked Wines. Naked Wines. Chardonnay, Smooth. Classic. Naked Wines is a service that directly connects you to the world's finest independent winemakers so you can get award winning wine delivered straight to your door. 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They're in the business of keeping your car on the road. O'Reilly Auto Parts offers friendly, helpful service and the parts and knowledge you need for maintenance and for repairs as well. I've always been a fan of O'Reilly. You know, I like the ranch. Used to, used the one over in North Hollywood, then it was the one up in La Canada, La Crescenta when I used to live out there. I'm always working on my stuff and always use an O'Reilly. Whether you're a car aficionado or an auto novice, you're gonna find employees at O'Reilly Auto Parts to be knowledgeable, helpful, and best of all, they are friendly. So stop by. O'Reilly Auto Parts. Do it today, or you can visit us online, o'reillyauto.com/adam. That's o'reilly auto.com/ adam. My buddy will only use human cashiers because he says that robots are taking jobs away from people. If you really felt that way, you throw your phone in the toilet. Right? Because that thing has taken jobs away from travel agents, fitness instructors, photographers, manufacturers of CDs, paper maps, pedometers, phone booths, Rolodexes, stopwatches, calculators, alarm clocks. So maybe stop pretending you have rage against the machine and just admit you can't figure out how to price bananas. Kila Derskin is on the Adam Carolla show. It's funny because it's true. Alright. What do you got there, Mayhem? Now right in the news, today, Rosie O'Donnell has been sparring with president Trump since 02/2006, and now the frequent Trump critic has confirmed she's fled the country. Listen. I to the Oval Office. I respect her because she left. Everyone else, the chair and all the Bruce Springsteen and all the f**king pencil dicks always talk about it, and then they never go anywhere. And then no one ever asks them what the f**k happened. Yeah. And then they have the balls to load up and do it again the next election season. You know? Like, anyone believes them. She went She left. She went. She went to Ireland. She's in the process of applying for Irish citizenship. Okay. Alright. I there's hers off, is she just good for money for her whole like like, syndicated TV is big box. Yeah. Yeah. The place you get paid the most is, like, daytime Judge Judy s**t, you know, daytime TV s**t. So she's set for life. Like, what's her what's her deal? Is she ever does she need to work? And then, certainly, they can they can get, like, a reality show out of this. Right? Well, I was gonna say, yeah. I think if you leave the country, then you also have to sever ties with whatever American companies are still paying you. Right? Because I'm not still sort of holding on to Yeah. America. Yeah. Yeah. My opinion on this has it's changed a little bit. Do you remember when Bill Clinton was running for office and some people are like, but he he dodged the draft. But now, I don't know, after, like, having kids, how do you feel about the draft? Like, I think if one of my kids especially, I mean, he dodged Vietnam. I just can't imagine at that time. I think I would have headed for Winnipeg the moment I got that letter in the mail from my son. Oh, yeah. I mean, it's it's kinda weird when they try to slap some morality thing around something we all probably would have done. Do you know what I mean? Like, they did they'll do it. They did it with, like, Kavanaugh. Like, he'd go to parties, and they'd get drunk, and they'd go up to the bedroom and try to get the girls drunk. It's like, yeah. Alright. There you go. Right? Keep going. Like, I I mean, you're outraged? 17 drinking beers. You know? It's like, yeah. Yeah. Right? Yeah. Okay. Like, I even once in a while, that's why you'll talk to a chick and she'll go, I pull up to a stoplight. I look over. This guy's masturbating in his car. I'm like, okay. Right? Then what? He's masturbating in the car. Yeah. Oh, right. Outrageous. He probably pees in the sink when he gets home. Well, how tall is he? Oh my god. Yeah. Yeah. So, yes, I would attempt to dodge the draft. Yeah. I'm sure. In all respect, and I love my country and everything, but, like, if LBJ is gonna throw half a million guys over there at a war that we knew we were losing, and it would, like Yeah. It's it's if you if you're deciding for your child between that and Vancouver, how do you even why is that a an not a noble decision? You know? Well, here's the thing. I will weigh out the legitimacy of the war, and then I'll decide whether I send my kid to death. If it's Nazis and German, you know, they're invading Poland and France, go die. Go die. Go die. Well But if Korea is getting a little out of hand, let's sit this one out. I'll decide. Sure. It's up to the parent. That's right. Rio Giordano says she thinks about The US every day and, quote, I am hoping that we can turn things around. I'm counting on you, all of you, to do what's right. And I think deep down inside, we all know what that is. I don't know what she's doing. About a suicide bomber or what do we talk about? I don't know. I was wondering. Well, he's only got one term, so voting's out. So then what's the right thing? Was it Jack in with poison or something? Rosie said she was gonna return when it's safe. Here's what I don't get with all these narcissistic asswipes. How did you survive the first Trump term? Like, you're Rosie, all you did was sit around and film yourself complaining for those four years. How how did that work? Were you running serpentine to the mailbox and was a guy that butterfly net chasing around from the DOJ, or did you just f**king sit at home and eat? Like, what what what is so different? And then this one will be the same. Wait. It's a weird thing that Target. Yeah. So she said she's gonna come back when it's safe. But if it's like a different Republican who gets elected, does she just move back a little closer? Yeah. Like She gets she goes into Europe. Yeah. She goes through the channel. Yeah. She's afraid of getting disappeared or what, but, yeah, she's out there. You know what? I here's what I here's my attitude. It's America. When she goes like, alright. It's safe. I'm coming back. I'd be like, we're good. You know what? Yeah. These these months and years since you've been gone have been some of the best. I would call this the salad days of this country. It's like the roaring twenties. It's the start of the day you left. So I don't know what's connected to you, Rosie, but I don't wanna jinx it. Do you think when she moved to Ireland, she's like, finally, I can take these, casings off my catalytic converter. Yeah. I'm gonna take the shark cage off my cat. I know she drove there. Probably probably flew or took a boat. Alright. So Rose is gone. Rose is gone. Look. I hope we have some video of this. A fight erupts is By the way, let me say this. Nobody ever does this, but she goes, it's the safest place for me and my 12 year old. Yeah. Like, okay. You're f**king your kid up. You're f**king your kid up, crazy mom. Like, when when Alyssa Milano would do that bulls**t a few years ago, she'd go, I go into my daughter's room at night, lay in her bed and weep openly. I'm like, okay. You're f**king your kid up, you crazy narcissist Yeah. This witch. You're f**king your kid. You're not don't lie in bed with your nine year old and and openly weep. You're you're f**king your kid. You're scrambling. Rosie, you're scrambling your 12 year olds. 12 year olds probably hell of a soccer player. You know what I mean? It got pulled right out of, like, probably leading the league in goals Yeah. In Long Island. And you just f**king pulled her out and but they moved into the Blarney Stone? Yeah. That's not fun for our kids. Learn how to play field hockey, kid. Got no friends. Yeah. All the friends are gone. Was going looking forward to going into the seventh grade, but not not anymore. Did you ever read the or have the children's book, I'll Love You Forever? Do you remember that book? It was a story. No. I hate all children's books, but go ahead. Every page you turn, the the the the child gets incrementally older, and the mom is rocking the child and says the same thing, I love you forever. The it's this whole rhyme and it gets to the point this is what it reminded me. It gets to the point where he's a grown man living in his own house. This is a children's book. It's meant to be cute and it's, you know, put your kid to sleep. She brings a ladder that reaches to the second story window, climbs up it, and is holding her adult, son. Same thing. I'll love you forever. And you're supposed to say good night. Like, I'll always be with you to your kids. That's true. Yeah. It's creepy. Right? Crazy message. Right? Yeah. Like, I would have sent them off to Vietnam at that point. Yeah. Even I got both of those. Yeah. I okay. Couple things. Children's books with a s**t message drive me nuts. It drives me nuts. As a as a parent, you start sitting around like Dawson, you can look it up. This we're going on the way back machine today, but, wow, wow, lovey talking about being the coolest with the golden rule. Like, there's time I used to sit in front of my TV set with my twins when they were, like, five, and they'd be watching a cartoon, and I'd be yelling, no. No. Don't f**king listen to Dora the Explorer. That f**king b***h, she shouldn't even be in this country. And and it's like, the were you know what the worst one is? The most celebrated one of the most celebrated children's books I remember from my childhood. Everyone loved it. It was so big. They made it into a f**king feature, Where the Wild Things Are. I was just gonna say Where the Wild Things Are. It's huge. And and every hippie f**king mom loves it. They all love it. Where the Wild Things Are is a kid is out of control. And he he's running with a f**king fork chasing the dog and the cat. He's gonna stab the cat with a fork. So the kid's a total f**king violent felon. Delinquent. Pajamas. So he gets sent up to his room to kinda gets a time out. And then during his time out down. He f**king down some mushrooms Yeah. Exactly. Ends up on some island. And he ends up on an island where even though all the beast have, like, 1,300 pounds on him, he becomes the king of all the beast for some I don't know. He just shows up in his pj's, and they go, now you're the king. Yeah. They don't really explain how that worked. He doesn't, like, fight the alpha beast and beat him or anything. He just shows up, and they they make him a king. And then Like, we respect what you did to that cat. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And we hate cats too. And then at some point, he misses his family or something, and he sails away. And then they they stand on the shore and they yell, come back. Come back or we'll eat you, which is a weird way to try to tempt someone to turn their sailboat around because so that part doesn't make any sense. And then he comes back to his room, and there's chocolate cake and milk waiting for him. The end. I'm like, what message? Yeah. Yeah. What message is this? Yeah. I don't understand. What what are we sending? I think if you okay. If you try to kill your cat with a fork, do not fear. You'll go to an island where you'll be declared the king of the monsters. And then at some point, it'll return to your room, and there'll be some German chocolate cake and milk waiting for you. The what? This is a message? Oh, god. What was that douche that wrote this f**king movie? Sinek. Right? This guy was I don't know. We hailed him. We were so f**king dumb in the sixties and the seventies. Like, this guy's a genius. Like, this guy's r****ded. But I can't remember. Mean anything. Childhood too. That was weird. Yeah. Where the Wild Things Are. Yeah. We did, I have a book podcast, the book file, and we we did spend a whole episode just talking about Goodnight Moon, which is another one. Another one that was creepy. The it gets darker and darker throughout it. There's a it's like goodnight brush, goodnight mush. There's one part where you turn a page and there's it's blank and it just says goodnight nothing. And it is the creepiest Oh, I don't know. Good night, son. Okay. f**k. Can we just understand that people crate for children because they cannot crate for adults? That's that's right. Figure it out. In the children's book, the author the author's last I'm reading this. Author's last interview before he died of a stroke in May, which could have been May '20 years ago. But Sinek said he thought about trying to assassinate former president George w Bush and former vice president Dick Cheney. First off, I knew this guy was a f**king lib. Yeah. I knew it. I knew it. Because this is a r****ded lib message. Yeah. Bush was president. I thought, would be brave, tie a bomb to your shirt and insist on going into the White House. Well, I haven't checked security protocol at the White House recently, but I think we tie a bomb to your shirt no matter how hard you insist. Like, this letter is very important to get to the president. Either probably detain you or maybe be shot by sniper hopefully before you get to the checkpoint. I wanna have a he wants to go put a bomb on a shirt, have a big hug with vice president and the president, and his wife and the president and his wife and anyone else that can fit into a love hug. Cenac told I told you this guy is a f**king crackpot. I knew it. I knew who this guy was. It's crazy he's so liberal because half the book is about colonialism. It really is. White kid shows up, takes over the indigenous people's lives. Okay. I'm I'm glad this guy's gone. But this book, it's the worst. Oh, oh, but wow wow wow wow wow wow wow. This is this is this is the message that was that's been inculcated into every five year old in America by this f**king a*****e. Uh-huh. You don't have to do a fancy dance. You don't have to wear wear the fancy pants. You only have to give yourself a chance, and you'll see you are the coolest. You don't have to talk a certain way. Leave a There's nothing special that you have to say. b***h, we Just be yourself Everyone is gonna know. It's how kids get beat up. I know. You'll be number one. The golden rule. Right. Okay. The golden rule is don't bring your f**king dog to the restaurant because other people there don't want your dog at the restaurant. That's the that's the golden rule. I thought that was a travertine rule. Yes. You being the terrazzo. You being the different different That's alright. They they met Kyle a lot of travertine. You're alright with this terrazzo. I get it. Well, I love that it's This message is the golden rule is not this. This gets people to bring their f**king dog because it's you and everyone in the restaurant, everyone in the airport is gonna know you're the coolest. Because you do what you want. You do what you want. That's the golden rule. This is the opposite of golden rule. Every all the visuals in there, I can't imagine a kid coming home from school being like, I got bullied again because all I do is read and do my homework. And then this cartoon is like, don't worry. All you have to do is read and do your homework. Yeah. And then you'll be Everyone will know you're the coolest. Everyone. Now I'm trying to work the math out. They should just replace the everybody? Yeah. They they replaced the lyrics. You'll be the coolest with you'll get your a*s kicked. Yeah. Everything would make perfect sense. What what I'm trying to explain what I've been trying to explain to everyone for a long time, it's just one person wins the f**king lottery. 2,000,000,000 people buy a ticket. One person wins. If everyone's a winner, then all everyone gets is their dollar back. There is no winner. And the song is you're the richest. Right. Everyone will know. If everyone's the coolest, then nobody's the coolest. You understand? Your message is not for one person. They're not going, hey, Brett. We wrote a song for you. They're writing it for everyone. So where's the audience? You know what I mean? They're over there being the coolest. Who's cheering you on? They're the coolest. This goes back from the tweet from earlier, which which is this this message of don't worry. You don't have to do anything. Right. Right. Yeah. How dare somebody tell you to study or to work hard or to f**king excel? Alright. Anyway, sorry. This is an ad by BetterHelp. Think about the people who inspire you most. Guess what? They don't have all the answers, but they do know how to ask for support when they need it. Therapy is a great way to find that support. BetterHelp has experienced therapists ready to help you with challenges ranging from clinical issues to the stress of everyday life, and it's convenient too. Visit better help, h e l p.com/ new direction today to get 10% off your first month. Where would I have got? What's the next chart? What's the next chart? What's, a fight broke out during a house subcommittee meeting when Oh, that's the greatest. Self deliberately misgendered Delaware represent Sarah McBride, the first transgender congresswoman. Sarah McBride, It's a name. Didn't even pick up on it. She launched she had her paper in front of her, and I've done these kind of things where, like, you got five minutes and you got your paper in front of you. And if they go, we now like to, call call call attention, Adam douchebag. You have five minutes. I'd go, thank you. And I'd just start reading it. Rattled it off. She didn't hear it. Like, listener now the thing that's comical about this is the old guy who doesn't give a f**k about the trans community or unless he never did because he's never brought it up because he's 70 years old and he never heard about it until he was 61. This guy seems overly concerned. Sheriff McBride or he, she, whatever the f**k is just moving ahead with this one. I now recognize the representative from Delaware, mister McBride. Thank you, madam chair. Ranking member Keating, also wonderful. Mister chairman? Could you Hold on. Let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let was? Back with thank you, madam chair. Yeah. Since he misgendered her, she hit him back and missed it. I think it was pretty much the first three. That. Yeah. Turnabout is fair play. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, see. I was confused because there was a woman. Was there a woman there somewhere? No. That guy and then and then immediately the other guy addresses him as mister chairman. What you did is unacceptable. Played out. Yeah. She said thank you, madam. I thought the person on the right had long hair or something, and she was addressing the right back. I now recognize the There is a chick on the right, though. Right? But that's I know everyone yelled no, but there's a chick on the right. No. No. That's not the chairperson. No. I I get it, but just go along with me not being insane. Sure. I I thought that the person right could be the chairperson and the other person just called them to whatever. That's why. It was feasible in my mind. But go ahead. Play it out. I now recognize the representative from Delaware, mister McBride. Thank you, madam chair. Ranking member Keating, also wonderful. Mister chairman? Could you repeat your introduction again, please? Yes. It's a it's a we have set the standard on the floor of the house, and I'm simply Got it. What is that standard, mister chairman? I love this person. Would you repeat what you just said? I love right to the resignation. A duly elected representative from The United States Of America. Please. I will. The representative from Delaware, mister McBride. Mister chairman, you are out of order. Call the dude a janitor. Do you know decency? I mean, I have come to know you a little bit, but this is not decent. You call it dude a dude. You will not continue it with me unless you introduce a duly elected representative the right way. This hearing is adjourned. The end of your douche. Oh, god. And by the way, you know what I like about these guys? They made it to the age of 70 without ever uttering a word about this subject. So are they that passionate about it? Really? Here's something else that's interesting is, McBride took her time or whatever and and said, okay. I'm gonna call you madam. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And It was all good. He's not he's not screaming. Yeah. Sticks the stones. We're all good. Moving on. He was bad. He went It's stung it. Both ways. Yeah. Let it go. Yeah. I agree. Call it an air ref. Call it both ways. Just trade the jabs now. Yeah. Then we're moving on. Now we're moving on. Yeah. Go. I can't take anyone seriously in a room that had a painting of an old man with his poodle. Did you see that? That's Wow. That's what I was looking at the whole time. You saw that dude. That right there. Oh, I saw that dude at the Delta terminal at LAX last time I was traveling. I know that dude. Same dog. Slipped in that dog s**t. What is happening? What is going on? Is that sir Anthony Hopkins? Oh. That is an old guy the painting of an old guy with a poodle on his lap and a map of North America behind him. A roller in the background. And I'm gonna go with Kennedy Okay. On the wall, but thank you for the comparison. That definitely wasn't, like, the artist's plan. That seems like that guy was like, hold on. I have a good idea. Also, when when it comes to that's a painting. Right? Yeah. When it comes to paintings, if you're painting someone in their office and there's a painting behind them, are you compelled to paint the painting? I would say more wallboard. I who's gonna get suspicious? You know what I mean? Like, if I would come upon a painting and go, you know, this is suspicious here. Where why no picture behind the painting? Why is there no painting of a painting? And now you're painting a painting or you're painting a picture, but it seems like extra work and it draws focus. Because now I'm trying to figure out who that guy that's Kennedy. Right? Alright. So, yes, it cannot be taken seriously. But the person to everyone's point is the guy is grandstanding because if she, he doesn't care Yeah. Then why do you care more than he, she, unless you're grandstanding? A trans lady is pretty tough. Like, if you are determined to wear a dress and Yeah. Be a woman, then she's gonna stand up to this kind of thing. Right. So we're now living a society with a bunch of nongay or non trans or non black or non Hispanic or non whatever people taking greater offense to things than the actual people who they've decided were slighted, which means they're grandstanding. Because the the the protocol is like, hey, man. He just called you dude. Yeah. I know. I gotta get on with this. Oh, okay. Moving on. If the the person's if if the where's the victim if the victim isn't a victim? It's so performative too. It's almost like he was anticipating like like, he'd been rehearsing this in the in the bathroom. Yeah. You're out of order. It sounds like he's, like, like, in the best way. One more time time because I it is performing. And then and then so why? The other guy because he's so, none of them are they're used to conflict because he says, meaning adjourned. Exactly. Yeah. I would be the worst politician ever because I just sit I got this thing. I don't know. I sit next to people that are, like, on the phone too long or talking in in a way that's too like, you know you know how women do this thing where they'll, like, they'll call and they'll go, what time are you open till? I don't know. Oh, 05:00. Oh, it's 05:30 now. And you go, okay. Let's go find the next place they go. Because I figured you guys would be open longer because in your I just do a scenario. Here we go. Here we go. Here we go. Like, okay. They're we're moving. Here we go. I would be that's all I'd be doing is they'd be like, sure. You can't you'd call you missed you. Okay. Here we go. Here we go. I'd just be saying, okay. Here we go. What the f**k are we here for? What are we doing? None of us are getting younger. We're arguing over this chick with a dick. Let's just go. Here we go. Here we go now. I ordered I ordered a hamburger at In N Out one time, and I said just no onions. And she goes, it doesn't come with onions. And I was like, well, then you didn't have to say anything. Right. Right. Yeah. Not even the knowing that. Yeah. Yeah. You were good. Yeah. I there's a lot of extra but here's here's what I'm saying. Here's how you know these people don't do anything. Because real people who have real jobs, who have real meetings have to go, look. We're all just gonna sit down here. We're gonna figure out this wiring harness because the sub the the electricians are coming in tomorrow, and we need to figure out this wiring harness. And then you go, I don't like what you called me. And everyone just gets up and leaves. Like, you'd go, hello? The electricians are gonna be here at 7AM tomorrow. If we don't f**king figure this out right now, we're gonna be f**ked. That's who that's for people who do s**t. For people who don't do any s**t, they go, what'd you make fun of? You didn't say you didn't you didn't say I had a c**k and balls. I'm out. Being adjourned. Adjourned. What meeting? Can you rather do can you imagine the president coming into the house of representatives on a Monday? Like, so did you pass that bill? Oh, no. The congress was like, well, we're not really speaking right now. Oh, no. It's probably some guy being held hostage in Gaza. They're gonna talk about getting out. But it's like, wow. f**k that. We're leaving. Okay. So what meeting? What meeting? Well, I wanna know, Dawson, do we even know what this meeting was about? Because there was there wasn't a sense of urgency. Yeah. No. Hold on. Alright. Let's hear I wanna hear it one more time anyway just because it's funny. I now recognize the representative from Delaware, mister McBride. Thank you, madam chair. Ranking member Keating, also wonderful. Mister chairman Sorry. Could you repeat your introduction again, please? Yes. Okay. Here we go. Let's see. Here we go. We have set the standard on the floor of the house. Okay. Here we go, people. Simply. Here we go. What is that standard, mister chairman? Okay. Here we go. Here we go. Could you repeat what you just said? Alright. You introduced Here we go. A duly elected representative Okay. From The United States Of America. Here we go. Let's go. I will. Okay. The representative from Delaware, mister McBride. Okay. Chairman, you are out of order. Here we go now. We got a do you know decency? Come on. Here we go. I've come to know you a little bit, but this is not decent. We will continue this. You will not continue it with me unless you introduce a duly elected representative the right way. Alright. Here we go now. Let's do this. This hearing is adjourned. Okay. Alright. Go back. And he slams his trapdoor keeper. It's nice. It's nice when you don't have anything to really do except for pretend to work that you can just I don't do this. Close just stop working. You can't do it in real jobs where s**t needs to be figured out, though. Yeah. That was a house foreign affairs subcommittee meeting. Oh, okay. Important. Or not. Okay. Alright. Let's just do a f**king Zoom call next time with you a*****es. Alright. Sorry. What do we got? Well, one more news story here. Gavin Newsom has been blasted secretly paying for his own monument at San Francisco City Hall to commemorate his time as mayor. Mhmm. Yeah. The California governor is considered a contender to run for president twenty twenty eight after his time as a surrogate for Joe Biden, Kamala Harris, despite his liberal golden state record. Newsom has even attempted to reach out to conservatives by launching a podcast. He's interviewed Charlie Kirk and Michael Savage. New book, however, threatens to undo Newsom's image rehabilitation. Have you seen his new He paid to honor himself at San Francisco City Hall. Have you seen the new podcast, Pretending to be Normal with Gavin Newsom? Yes. Yeah. It's awesome. I just love I I love the premise, which is, hey, Democrats. We have to pretend to be sane so that people will vote for us, and then we can go back to whatever the f**k we're doing that ruined California and San Francisco. But for now, just for a minute, like like, what it is is you're pathological serial killer, but you're gonna come up in front of the parolee board. So put on a card again and talk nice. Don't worry. Once we get on the street, we'll start stabbing people again. We just gotta get through the parole board thing here. So we have to pretend to be sane for this period of time. You know what's weird about Avenues? Like, he he's he wants to bring people on and, like, debate them. If you live in California, if you spent time in LA, if you spent time in San Francisco, you can debate till you're blue in the face. The place is a piece of s**t. There's homeless people everywhere. There's garbage everywhere. He he has these nuanced arguments like, yes. California is the highest taxed, but we don't tax the most. It's like, okay. Fair argument, Kevin. These other folks rape dry. You use lube when you rape. Okay. That's a feather in your cap, Gavin. Here's a look at the bust. How much would you say that, that would be worth to you? Oh my god. I I it's is it bronze? Yeah. I think it's bronze. So take that into consideration. How much would this cost? You know, I've I I know a lot about smelting bronze. Alright. And I come from a long line of sculptors. Yeah. Yeah. You can tell by my vocabulary. True. So I'm gonna say $41,000. I'm sorry. It's $97,000. My my dad could have done this bus for under 50. No problemo. No problemo. I think this pose, I think it's between bites at a restaurant during COVID restrictions. Yeah. I think it's wild that this even exists already. Like, how many aren't most sculptures, like, supposed to be, like, posthumous? Like, how I know. Was Lincoln, like, I guess, my deus for Well, he's looking statue of me. He's looking more as, like, NFL Hall of Fame bust. You know what I mean? Like, Art Shell was still alive, you know, when he went in to Canton. You know? That's I think it's that vibe. Like, I like, he's gonna have his son hand him the gold jacket, you know, and do his acceptance speech. Yeah. He's a he has a sociopathic narcissistic disorder that people don't understand, but they were weird and that you meet a lot of people and they're like, oh, yeah. I love DJ Khaled. And you're like, wow. You love DJ Khaled. I love that guy. You're like, you don't see the narcissistic, like, sociopath that I see? And they go, no. I like that guy. And I go, oh, it's interesting. Yeah. Because your your skin should crawl when you think about Gavin Newsom, but yet everyone in California just votes for him, which is a but I it it must be them just voting the ticket. I I Yeah. I don't know. I've never heard anyone defend him or Karen Bass or anybody. They just go, I have a different Would you go on his podcast to argue with him? I would. I would. And he's come a long way since, my podcast, and he's been he he he he's working his tricks. The number one thing you'll see him do is and all politicians do this. When the person brings something up and they just talk over them the entire time, that's an admission of guilt. So if somebody said so if you're doing a podcast and you cheated on your wife and somebody brought it up, you'd start going, oh, yeah. Okay. Alright. Alright. Okay. Alright. Alright. Okay. I don't know about that. What about you? What about you? Okay. If you never cheated on your wife and never came close to cheating on your wife and somebody brought it up, you'd go, alright. Really? Tell me. Tell me about it. Sure. Tell me where it was. Tell me who it was with. Tell me all about it because I wanna hear I wanna hear this. And then you would just lean back. But we sure go about okay. Alright. Alright. Okay. Alright. Alright. Okay. And then it's like, oh, you f**king did it. Yeah. You can see them do it all the time. So when he knows he's f**ked, and he's always f**ked because he's run California into the ground, he'll just start talking over the person. So I wouldn't let him do that. And, also, you have to talk about what you're talking about. Like, you have to explain to him, you can talk over me, and then I'll wait, and then you'll let me state this. And then when he tries to change the subject or do whatever it is, you gotta keep you gotta be relentless. You know what's funny? By, I grew up. My parents would listen to, like, Sean Hannity, and he had he had this specific move where, I I don't have a opinion either way, but I thought it was so funny. I I like the show Hannity and Combs. Do you remember they would Oh, yeah. Sort of debate back and forth, and you get both of the issues, like, so it wasn't just, like, attacking a guest. It was, like, fairly balanced between the two of them. But Hannity would sometimes he would end his, his segments because he knew a commercial break was coming up. He would say his side of things and then just go checkmate and boom, it would be a commercial. Like, you would get to say checkmate yourself, like, in post that. Half into the And I win. Now go to the the commercial. That's what I'm gonna do. Newsome calls me back. I don't think he's gonna I don't know. He looks like the villain from a different movie. Campaign. I would love to see it. You You know what I mean? It'll be very interesting. I like to see it as well. Yeah. I mean, he's such a f**king idiot. It's there's some well, look. It's not fair. There's something wrong with him. That's all I'm saying. He doesn't understand what he's doing, but I I what he doesn't understand is he's damaging a lot of people under some guise of you know, what these people don't understand is they're like, what's wrong with defunding the police? It's like, you're f**king getting people killed. That's what's that's what's wrong with defunding the police. Like, you're hurting people, and I don't think they really get that part. But, I mean, Dawson, that's all we're doing. It's the way back machine. But his homeless thing with me I mean, how could you possibly deal with somebody like Gavin Newsom who was in here ten, twelve years ago? But he told me that the homeless he told me two things. He told me his number one his number one problem and subject, like, what he was here to do is to fix the homeless realm. That's he told me that's his number one thing. Twelve years ago? Number one, homeless. That's his subject, he told me, and then went on to explain that it was about mothers of two who had full time jobs who were divorced, who were getting minimum wage with their full time job as the problem. And then I I explained to him that it was drug addicts and mental patients, and he said that's not the real picture. Now either he's severely r****ded or he's a sociopath or he's something, but he's not the guy you want to fix the homeless problem. Because it'd be like if I was a structural I said, look. I'm a structural engineer. I'm gonna show up and, look at your branch. You got a trestle branch and it's sagging. It looked like it might come down and I'd go because it's haunted. And you'd go, no. No. We need to build some moments and get some steel in here and some high beams. No. I'm going with haunted. Okay. Fine. But I'm not the guy to fix the bridge. How how could I how could I fix the bridge? I misidentified the problem with the bridge. Right? So how could you fix homeless if you think it's mothers who are working full time, who are divorced? I and not drug addicts. How how could you fix this? He likes to serve with the small things. So then, yeah, his thing is, well, then we'll get Taco Bell to give everyone $50 an hour. Okay. But that's not who's homeless. That that that mother who got divorced is sleeping on her sister's sofa. Yeah. Newsom just needs to understand that if he would just be himself, we would know he's the coolest. Yes. Yes. Yeah. Then I'll vote for him. Alright. If we have that clip, we'll play it. If if, not you can put it on the screen if you have it, whoever's in charge of the screen. But if you don't, then we'll, we'll move it along. Got it? Yeah. Okay. Working button said it's on the screen. Oh, not my screen. Not Okay. Not the little screen. Okay. I just put the prompter on it. Okay. Here we go. Oh, there it is. Alright. Here we go. This notion of, like, the guy's a hardworking, god fearing family member who lost his job and now had to take to the streets as total utter bulls**t. About the picture of real homelessness, which is a positive The real. The real. The picture of real homelessness. So he's just gonna coach me up. I told him the hardworking guy lost his job sleeping on the street is bulls**t. That's not a real thing. That's the what they sell you. The factory closed down. Who are you f**king John Cougar melon camp here? The f**king mill closed down out of your sleep. Nobody sleeps on the sidewalk unless you're a junkie. Everyone has had jobs. Jobs end. And then you figure it out. You get another job. You have a resume. Or, God forbid, you just f**king sleep in someone's spare bedroom or something on a futon for a few months so you get your s**t together. It happens all the time. I just got my house burnt down. I I just left. I went somewhere and slept somewhere. I didn't sleep on the floor on the ground under the freeway overpa*s. But but but Newsom knows. He knows. So let's hear what he has to say. This notion of, like, the guy's a hardworking, god fearing family member who lost his job and now had to take to the streets as total another vote. What about the picture of real homelessness, which is a poor mom with two kids with a husband who took off and left her, They're sitting there struggling on that minimum wage job and all of a sudden now is out in the streets and sidewalks desperately trying to find some help, get a life back, get get those kids into town. That's what happened in Jewel. That's the tough thing. Yeah. That's tough. That's a picture of family homelessness. That no. That's That's that's a postage stamp. No. The real picture is bigger than the AIDS quilt, and those are crazy junkies. Yeah. But no. So what that's Yeah. But no. I mean, just I he's gonna challenge me. He's gonna challenge me, everybody. He's gonna challenge me. He I said the real picture. That's a postage stamp. The real picture's bigger than they yeah. No. No. No to what? No to what, you insane sociopath. No to what? This is his number one issue, everybody. Moms with jobs Yeah. Whose husband left. By the way, we're in California. If your f**king husband left, you're gonna f**king own the house. You guys bought the house. Believe you. Believe you f**king me. Yeah. Just one more time. Listen to him yelling no into the into the mic. This notion of, like, the guy's a hardworking, god fearing family member who've lost his job and now had to take to the streets is total nother bulls**t. About the picture of real homelessness, which is a poor mom with two kids with a husband who took off and left her, who's sitting there struggling on that minimum wage job, and all of a sudden now is out in the streets and sidewalks desperately trying to find some help, get a life back, can't get those kids into town. That's what happened in Florida. That's the type thing. Yeah. That's that's a picture of family homelessness. That's that's that's a postage stamp. No. The real picture is bigger than the age quilt, and those are crazy junks. Yeah. But no. No. No. I will challenge you on this. This yeah. What you're talking about is chronic homeless, which is the picture we have of homeless, which is real adult. See, I'm gonna need to He's challenging me. I I challenge me on what? Well, yes. He has no stats to back it up. I just know that, like, if I take my family to, maybe a city or part of town to go to a restaurant or anything, I don't, have my kids huddle around me. I never say, like, careful. There's a lot of moms out here. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But full time many of them are at their full time jobs right now, but the moms and the kids You gotta watch out for You gotta watch out for the moms. Yeah. Something's wrong with the purse something's wrong with Gavin Newsom. I don't know how else to describe it. By the way, if he has me on his podcast, I'm showing up with this tape, and we're gonna go over a lot of this stuff. So Gavin, I know you're f**king world class pussy, but if you want if you want the fight that everyone wants, that's me. Yeah. It's true. That's that's what the people want. I'm the people's champion. You're the people's retort. If I show up, I'm bringing this tape, and we're gonna break it down. You can talk all the f**k you want, but we're gonna listen to your brain as it pertains to homelessness, as it pertains to the black and Hispanic community. We're gonna break down the game film. Now he doesn't wanna do that. How is he gonna defend this? It's all junkies. Yeah. Yeah. And by the way, the mom who's out of work, I don't care about her as she's somewhere. She's not slamming drugs and chasing people around with a machete down the finished feet. She's she's somewhere working. Yeah. Yeah. God. He's such a f**king idiot. Oh, we have the promo? Gavin Newsom podcast. Sick. Give it a pro. Give it a shot. We need to change the conversation, and that's why I'm launching a new podcast. And this is gonna be anything but the ordinary politician podcast. I'm gonna be talking to people directly that I disagree with as well as people I look up to. But more important than anything else, I'll be talking directly with you, the listener. Real conversations. What's going on with the cost of eggs? What are the impacts real impacts to you around tariffs? What power does an executive order really have? And what's really going on? Good. We're not talking about sexy subjects. What's going on with eggs, bro? I don't know. Are they $8? Are they $4? I don't f**king know. He's a guy who wouldn't By the way, eggs? If eggs were $22 a carton, they would still be worth it. Like, it's the healthiest thing you can eat. Two of them, that's breakfast and lunch. I mean, you're good. You know what I mean? It's like a perfect food. I if somebody said, look. There's a dozen eggs. Right? Yeah. We're used to paying 26¢ an egg. Okay. Now we're paying 39¢ an egg. I wouldn't I'm not outraged. Yeah. I'm still I feel like it's pretty good. Yeah. Yeah. That's pretty good for an egg. Alright. So under your math, it's 40¢ an egg. I have two eggs. That's 80¢. I think that's I'm okay with that. I think I could come hon, can we cover 80¢ for bread? Yeah. Okay. Yeah. We got I think we got it. We don't have to go into our savings. I It's so condescending and elitist too for him to build up that whole teaser of his podcast to be like, we're this What about a How about cabbage? Talk to you. What about a head of cabbage? The real issues, brunch is getting pricey. Am I right? Yeah. Listen. I'm not gonna go over easy on any of these subjects I'll scramble your brain bro what are eggs I I I I all I hear is f**king eggs are eggs are $7 or $9.05 now I okay. 5 okay. You bought a carton of eggs? Yes. Okay. It's $5. 5 dollars is 40¢ an egg or $40.42 41 and a half cents an egg or or something. Right? Yeah. That's 5 41 and a half, 4 times $12.48. Oh, sorry. That's 48. No. It's under 4 48, and then it's 2 if it's a penny. Hold on. 48. Oh, 20. Yeah. It's it's 41.3¢ an egg. Is it not? What is it? Someone's gonna have to get their phone out. But And it's all just a distraction. $5 into twelve five into twelve. Sorry. Or twelve into five or whatever whatever it is. It's 41.3¢ or something. I don't know. Someone will do it. Yes. Well, it's just a distraction because, if you wanted to talk about real issues, you could talk about how a small business when they wanna start a a c corp, you have to pay $800 a year in California, but in Utah, it's 65. Right. Right. Could we talk about that? Yeah. But what about the eggs? Seems like a multiplier worth talking about. What about the eggs? Alright. So it's 40¢ an egg. Or what is it? Sorry. $41.06. Oh, I was way off my $41.03. But anyway, d minus student. Anyway, the point is this. It's under 42¢ an egg. I don't call that outrageous for what has been described to me by some nutritionist as the perfect food. Egg. So that's if you just if it has it all. It's what's right there. And you just do two of those, and now you're up to a grand total of 83 and a half cents, but we're still under a dollar, people. In in a in a world where a pack of cigarettes is, like, $14 and a gallon of gas is $5.50, think we do the egg for 40¢. I I don't know. It's not weighing I'm rich, so maybe I'm out of it, but it's not weighing heavily on my mind. If you look at somebody like the average family's monthly grocery budget, it means now instead of $770, it's $7.83. It's it's insane to take that. Right. Alright, Kellen. Let's give, you a plug. You got dates all over the place playing, what we the aforementioned sunken bus Yeah. But dates. And you go to the website. Right? Yep. Kellanairskin.com. And we're gonna be in Ohio and Bakersfield coming up. Yeah. All the all all the garden spots of the world. Ohio, Bakersfield. If there's an azure sea and a beautiful woman, Helen's gonna be there. It's an agricultural tour. And then my podcast, The Book Pile. I I will be doing stand up in Phoenix, tomorrow and then Saturday and Sunday. Early show's sold out, but late show's got some tickets left, so you can check that out. I think Sunday's not sold out yet. Just got Adam Crowell dot com for all the live shows. Until next time, Sam Crowell. For Cal Nurse Kin and Mayhem Sayin, Mahalo. You can leave us a voice mail at (888) 634-1744. Go ahead and do that now. Thank you. And then get tickets to see the ace, man. This weekend doesn't appear to improv. I'll be on some of those shows at AdamCarolla..com. Pluto TV is the place for movie fans like me. And TV fans like me. They've got something for everyone, and it's totally free. You can binge laugh out loud sitcoms like Frasier. And rewatch cult classics like higher learning. Whether you're in the mood to solve a little crime before bedtime with MCIS or Tracker. Or curl up with a surefire hit like Forrest Gump. Run, Forrest. Pluto TV has thousands of movies and shows all for free. Pluto TV. 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