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Stassi

Stassi and Beau recap more escapades from Amsterdam, including a trip to the infamous Red Light District. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoicesSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Stassi
00:57:46 8/5/2016

Transcript

Straight Up with Stassie. Hi, everyone. I'm Stassie Schroeder. She's the star of Bravo's Vanderpump Rules. I'm here to talk about pop culture, reality TV, celeb gossip, relationships. Stassie's new podcast is a hilarious look at the world and everyone in it. I wanna give my opinion on everything. And she's never one to hold back on any topic. Because that's what I do best, judge. This is straight up with Stassi. Hello, everyone. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Listen. I'm just gonna get right into it because this episode is all about the bachelor in motherf**king paradise. You know what I mean? Because this show is so good that I feel like my podcast is no longer, like, straight up with Stasi. My podcast is now going to be, like what do I say? Like, what? I need, like, a new bachelor bachelor in paradise, like, title. We'll come up with something. We have to come up with something. So Kristen Doty's here with me right now because she's a big BIP fan. Bachelor nation for l y f e. I feel like we chose the wrong reality show. We really did. Like, I watched this and I'm like, seriously? Life could be like this? It could be that interesting? I can go to paradise, Just f**k s**t up. We should do like a spin off where it's like the OGs of Vanderpump Rules, like, mixed with some of the OGs from Bachelor Nation and then we all go to Paradise. Yes. That s**t would be crazy. Yeah. Except you guys are all in relationships. So everybody except for me is in relationships. So how would that work? I don't know. I don't have a husband. Maybe you'll find love in paradise, Stassi. Can I be the next bachelorette? You can have an $80,000 ring? You don't know. I mean, can we talk about that real fast, though? Do you know how it annoys me whenever I watch The Bachelor and, like, Neil Lane, of course, they're all so beautiful, but, like, he only gives them, like, 4 options to choose from and they, like, kind of are all, like, super similar. Yeah. So it's like they're like, this is it. Oh my god. I knew it when I saw it. I knew that this would be the ring. I'm like, dude, there were 4 there. Like, you couldn't really f**k that up. Cut with a halo. Yes. Always. Oh my god. Last year, who got the braided band one? I was like, oh. I think it was, I think Ben chose it for Lauren. It was like a no offense if you have a braided band. Just on my style. You know what I mean? Is very specific about her style. I am very specific. So I don't wanna offend anyone's wedding rings. I'm just, like, not huge on, like, you know, the braided band. Did you see JoJo and Jordan at Crate and Barrel in Beverly Hills today? Obviously. Oh, good. Yeah. I and, like Just happened to be walking, don't you? Just happened to be walking at Crate and Barrel and, like, her nipples were, like, I that's all I that's all I could that's all I could look at. I don't know if she had fake boobs. I kept well, I mean, I assumed. Yeah. Carter was like, no one has perky big boobs like that and doesn't wear a bra. Like, it just doesn't happen. It doesn't happen. I'm telling you. They were there. I mean, they look good. They did. I was jealous of that s**t. Yeah. I was like, maybe I should call my plastic surgeon and be like, you didn't do that great of a job on my breast reduction because my boobs don't look like that. I should've just got, like, small implants in them so that they just stayed high you know, they stay high forever. No. They've already sagged. So it's like so good though. You I love them. You wore a bra? I can't remember. Not very often. But I do offend people. Like, I offend people all the time. I might not but it's like it's I spent my whole life not being able to not wear a bra. So now I'm just, like, I'd rather just get a breast lift every single year Yeah. And not wear bras ever. You know? I like it. So, yeah, Jojo has nice nipples. She likes Chipotle. Speaking of boobs, there's a lot of them on Bachelor Nation. Nation. So many Paradise boobs everywhere. It's can I just say though, the twins are driving me nuts, and I hope that it gets better? Okay. I they're adorable, but I'm just they are one of the little ones. I do. I think they're really cute. I think they're beautiful. It's not only a shtick that they're working. Physically Yes. They're stunning. And I think they're probably really sweet and cute. I think it's a shtick that they that that they push really hard on last season of the bachelor. And now they're just, like, going for it even more. Like, they know what they're doing on TV, but it's, like, it it was funny for a minute you were a unit. It's not funny anymore because you're not, like, in high school. Yeah. You don't need to dress alike. You don't need to do your hair. Like, you don't need to do your like, was when I was watching them, I was like, what happens if, like, one of them has a bad year and just, like, gains a few? Yeah. I want one of them to just part her hair down the middle. Me too. Oh my god. I want that too. Just do it. And all of a sudden yeah. And just all of a sudden. Maybe do a lob. She would stick out. Oh my god. If one of them got a lob She'd be engaged, I bet. She would totally be engaged. Like, they it would be so high. Yeah. They have so much potential because they are so beautiful. Yeah. And they do their makeup beautifully, and they do their hair beautifully. And, like, yeah, they look great, but, like, we can punch this up a little bit. Mhmm. But yeah. I'm I seriously think yeah. Literally. Just, like, cut the hair a little bit, a middle part, low lights, love it. Just so easy. Yeah. All of a sudden, it would be like, damn. Who's that girl that just walked in? Totally. Like, f**king pretty woman type s**t. I'm just ready for them to, like, stop being so one dimensional. No. That is the that is, I think, the theme of what we're gonna talk about today. I feel like it's 90% of the people on Bachelor in Paradise this season are 1 dimensional. But that might not be their they might not actually be like that. It might just be edits because, like, there's so many of them and, like, it's Yeah. Granted I have my favorites already. And then I have people that I think are boring. I have people that I think are clearly only on it because of producers, and it's like, okay. How long do we have to wait until they're kicked off? Oh, I see what you're saying. Right? He has 3 kids, by the way. Well, where did that come from? Who did he mate with? Where is this woman? Can I have her on my podcast? Because, like, that would be more interesting than even having Evan on it. Evan has driven me nuts from, like, day 1, and I said The minute he opened his mouth. Yeah. I'm just like, dude. Like, every like, I'm sorry, but, like, I'm pretty sure you like men. Like, I'm He's so whiny. Like, I I don't understand him at all. He's just whiny and, like, moaning and just, like, ugh. Like, there's no testosterone. I I I agree with that. But I also wonder all the time, and I say this on every single podcast, and I sound like a broken record but just in case this is, like, the first time somebody's tuning in, I have to keep saying it. I know what it's like to be on a reality show and I don't like judging reality people but it's also my job. Let's just say we're judging their characters that we're watching. Judging what I'm seeing on TV. I have no idea what they're like in real life. As a viewer, not as, like, a human to a human. Yes. Because who knows? Exactly. So Well, they also chose to be on a reality show and to be judged just as we did. So Yeah. That's right. I don't think people look at my character that they view me as. Not my character, but meaning, like, this the character of Kristen that is portrayed in the family. Because they're just going based on what they saw of, like, this yeah. And we're trying to entertain here and all that s**t. So, yeah, I I don't I don't mind when people are, like, you're such a b***h. You're a snob. You're all this. I'm, like, YOLO. I'm glad I could entertain you. Well, before we get into, like because I wrote down a list of everybody who's there, and I have some thoughts on things. Maybe I should tease the Chad situation right now, or should I get into it? I think you should tell the story because Okay. I don't really even know it that well. Yeah. You don't. No. Yeah. So Like, I was mind blown. I'm, like, getting, like, messages from random people asking me if you and Chad from The Bachelor are dating. I hadn't watched her Snapchat, so I have no idea what the hell it was. Well, I'm here to announce right here now that me and Chad are an item. Congratulations. I'm f**king with you guys. I'm kidding. Okay. Alright. Well, I've talked about how okay. Grant. You know Grant. So I've talked about his his ex girlfriend who's my friend. And the last time I saw her was in November and everything and we were talking about each other's relationships and and all that. And she was showing me photos of her boyfriend Grant and how they're, like, looking at like, they're I feel like they were looking for rings. Like, they were gonna get married. Like, it was a very serious relationship. And then all of a sudden, Audrey, the same stylist we use Chris and I use the same stylist. Audrey texted me and she's like, oh my god, girl. My like, I know you're obsessed with The Bachelorette. This dude Grant that's on it, one of my friends, like, that was his that was his, or her boyfriend, and he used her reality show contacts in order to get on the show and then dumped her right before. And I was like, oh my god. Send me her would she be in my podcast? Like, send me her contact info. Not even putting not even putting it together that this was but yes. And then all of a sudden she sent me the contact, and I went to go text her. And I'm like, Jen? And I, like, saw that we had, like, all all the conversation. I'm like, woah. I was like, holy f**k. Like, this is such a small world. This is so weird. So LA. Yes. And, I talked to her about it. So she's a producer of Housewives of New York. Jen is? Yes. Oh, yes. Yeah. I didn't know how Housewives of New York works. Yes. Yes. Oh, what a little While they were together Scumbag. Yes. Grant was applying for the bachelorette. I was just gonna say when you said his name, I was like, I really liked him. Yeah. He seems likable. Of course, he seems likable. But you never know with people. Yeah. He likes lace too much. So I do think he's kinda weird. He's like really, like, oddly into it, like, a lot, like, in day 1. So Grant went on dumped her, went on Bachelorette, but then this also happened with Robbie and his ex girlfriend, Hope. Okay? So Robbie was actually in a 4 year relationship with Hope. And Hope's only 24. So that's been her number one serious relationship, 4 years, 20 to 24. Robbie left her to go on The Bachelorette as well. He's evil. First of all, he's my least favorite out of everybody. He just, like, there's something about him. He's just slimy and weird and gross. I just and Well, he's, like, right down there. He's, like, my bottom 3. His bouffant is just, like, way too manicured all the time. He brooch, spray tan. He wears pink way too much. It's just, like, everything is way too intense. I just, like, can't handle it. So I don't really care if he's nice in real life. Yeah. I'm gonna judge this one. Like, I really don't care. So Jen texted me and was like, hey. Do you wanna come over and watch Bachelor in Paradise? Hope's actually in town and Chad's gonna be there and Carissa. So Carissa Thompson from who I'm obsessed with also. Whatever. So I'm like, I'm on this kick where I don't say no to anything now which I'm really proud of you. Thank you. Because normally I just like to stay at home when I'm off. Over but you you need one summer of But that's, but, see, this is what this problem this is what this is doing to me. The fact that you guys have given me the advice, you're single now, Sassy. Your job is to not say no to anything. If anyone asks you to do something or take another shot or something, like, you have to say yes to everything. Yeah. Therefore, I am hungover every single day. So, like, being single equals being hungover 247. But not really because you'll learn to just keep going? I think that's where my stamina comes from. That's what I've been doing. Stamina comes from last summer. Because you remember a long time ago, I used to be, like, hungover a lot. Yeah. I used to, like, throw up all the time and, like, just be, like, a waste of space. Do throw up all the time. But now when I'm I'm rarely hungover, and I think I had a really good summer last summer. I just think that's because you're a machine. Now I am. But you are like a hangover machine. Train your brain. That's how I feel. I'm trying to. This is what I do. Every day, I wake up after a night of me saying yes to things. I wake up. I do my normal routine of, like, having iced tea, my under eye patches, check daily mail. And then I wait for, like, noon to roll around and then I have a beer. And then I just start the process all over again so that I just survive. Beer. You're like, alright. I'm good. I'm good now. Yeah. You feel better. Wasted. You're not doing shots. Like, you drink like I drink. We drink kind of, like, consistently throughout the day. But we're not sitting there doing, like, pounding shots and, like, purposefully trying to get drunk. So I I I agree with you. So I'm glad that you didn't say no because now you have amazed this is the other thing. You have amazing stories to tell me. Yes. That's live vicariously great. The best part of saying yes to everything. You've so I have so many new stories every night. So I'll back up a little bit just to give everybody, some info. Chad found out that Robbie and Grant did this to his ex girlfriend their ex girlfriends and seeked them out. Is it seeked? Sought. Sought. Yeah. Thank you. Sought them out and met both of them, Hope and Jen, and tried to, like, throw it in their faces or whatever. But Jen and Hope genuinely like Chad a lot as a friend. Not they're not dating. They still do. Yeah. They still do. Out with them, I guess. Yes. They're like, we've taken him under our wing, like, whatever. It's like that sort of Yeah. That sort of situation. Like their little ape brother. Yeah. That's that's how they act. Yeah. And so Hope and Jen became friends and bonded over the fact that they experienced the same thing with their boyfriends. So when she texted me being like, do you wanna come over? Hope's gonna be here. And Chad and Chris, I was like, f**k yeah. I'm gonna come over. I'm like, I'm not gonna say no to anything, especially this. It was really good timing because we were off. So I was like, this is actually working out perfectly. I rallied. I went over there. Chad was in a wife beater with blue jeans And veins. And, belts. And veins. And veins. I can't look at. It was like his blingy watch and all the veins popping up. We had matching watches. It was, like, really weird. It was the same brand too. We've had matching Movado watch gold watches. It was, like, so weird. Like, 2 people could not be more different than you and Chad. Except he does like murder. Well, I don't doubt that. But he kept talking about murder. And he said When I was watching Bachelor in Paradise, I was like, I thought of you. Murdery, unmurdy. Murdery and unmurdy. Why are you not why aren't you interested in being murdered? He used it in the correct context cause I would have just been so much more excited. But as soon as he said the word, I wrote it in my phone, in my notes. He wrote he said unmurdery and I was like, I'm sorry. Stacey, what? Yes. I I was thinking the same thing. I was just like, you say you what? Oh my god. Maybe we do have some stuff in common. I don't wanna like okay. First of all, I think he thought he was Marlon Brando in his street car named Desire wearing that outfit and saying suck it on my Snapchat 247. But I I I really wanna say this. When I watched this with them, I was appalled because what he said to Sarah and, like, just a lot of the things he did and said, like, no f**king excuse for that. It was I I felt uncomfortable. Like, there was it like, when that aired and we were all together, I was just, like, this is bad. Like, that like And, you know, honestly I feel like I'm associating with an actual murder. Right? My thought on that when I watched it, like, I was disgusted. I was so sad. And then I kept thinking, like, do you know how many people she's probably taken scrutiny from, like, over her whole life and how much s**t she's dealt with? Like, normally, I'm sure she could just be, like, whatever. But the fact that this is a show that she's on, this guy, Chad, was also hired to be on the show. She's sort of by choice but being forced to be in this living situation with a person who's it's not like a random stranger on the street. Yeah. She has to be around him. Social media. Can't escape him. Right. And that is where I think it is before. National television. Yes. I felt really bad. I've that that was she should be embarrassed. Like, no. She's hot. She is so sweet. She is, like, super sweet. There to find love. That's what made me sad. I'm like, she this girl, this beautiful girl's there to find love. And she could have came right back and be like, oh, really? You're gonna talk about the fact that, you know, I I I wish she would have, actually. But she she could have torn him apart. I wish she would have, though. She's just a bigger person, though. I hate that it made her sad. No. Some But I don't think it made her sad because of her arm. Like, she what? She's all shaking. It's just because she shouldn't have to be put through Through that. Something like that. I completely agree. I totally agree with her. I'm one hundred percent. Booted him. And that's why, like, when I when we watched it, we were all, like, this is really f**king bad. You need to fix this. And How did he react? Did he have a reaction? This is the thing. And I want him to be on my podcast. He's a little I I don't understand. Like, he just tweeted, like, when you wake up when you when it's 5 AM and you realize you hung out with Stasi and didn't get her digis. And I'm, like, you do have my number because I just texted you earlier saying, will you do my podcast? What are you f**king talking about? Like, what? Like, can you maybe just respond to me and not tweet about it? Like, just respond to me on my phone. Like, that would be nice. I hope he does it. Hashtag pump rules. After I made fun of him for that too. Well, okay. We have so much to talk about. Yes. So he knows he knows what I'm saying right now. Like, I said this to his face and because even when he would leave the room and we were talking about him, I'm, like, I don't feel comfortable saying my opinion without him here. Like, I don't wanna say anything negative without like, unless I say it to him. You're not trying to talk s**t about him in his back. You're just there to be honest in what Yeah. You were invited over to watch with him, with the girls, and you're gonna say your opinion right in front of him the way you always do. Yes. It's the way you handle people. So the way that I feel about Chad is that I think he's just, like I think he is maybe a little lost. Like, he doesn't know that, like, it's okay to be vulnerable, and it's okay to be decent and nice. It's like I felt like and I'm somebody who I loathed what I saw. Like, when I saw him say that stuff, I I it made me so angry. But for some reason, like, when I was, like, with him all night long with with everybody else too, like, it it was I felt for him. I feel like he's lost. I feel like he's just he thinks he's supposed to be this a*****e, and so he's just doing what There's no, like This is how I get attention. So this is how I yeah. Yes. So this is how I, like, this is what this is all people want from me. That eats meat and has muscles would never have to deal with motion. Yes. It's too much shtick. He doesn't understand that human beings are more than 1 dimensional? Yeah. You can be dynamic and still be entertaining. Yes. Like, you don't have to you don't no one wants to see people be, like, cruel. No. To be like, no one wants to see somebody being vicious to somebody that doesn't deserve it. Like, you know what I'm saying? Like, it's and I don't think he understands that yet. I'm not sure he understands the reality world yet. Like, he there was something likable about him. Because, you know, he's had a loss and and that's something that is so underlying, I think. I do agree with what Nick said on bachelor in paradise. You know what? I have a lot of friends who have lost their parents and And they don't act like that. It's like when people say my parents are divorced so now I'm a dick. Well, you know what? All of our it it that Yeah. It's no excuse. I agree with that. But then you can also kind of just take a step outside of the box and say, okay. You know what? Maybe he's not someone that has ever learned how to deal with loss or may we don't know how the way he was raised. Yeah. We don't know what his family life was like. Maybe that's all he had. We don't know. These are all speculations I'm saying. He's So there's something sad about it that we can all appreciate. And if he would tap into that and I'm not gonna use it. So interesting though. Don't use it as an excuse. Because right now, he's almost using it as an excuse instead of kind of I actually don't feel like he's using it as an excuse because you don't ever hear him him say it. Oh, but not about the bachelor. Not about the bachelor. But that was, like, once. But everybody's saying it about about him. That's such a good point. See it in his like, I can see it. I almost wish he would just it's none no. You don't have to make it everyone's business, like, details, but, like, just let people in a little bit. You made this choice to be on the show. So closed off. He's closed off to everybody. That's the biggest problem. I could tell. Like, it it was He could be a f**king fan favorite if he would just be honest about where this anger and, like, bulls**t is coming from because it's coming from a place of pain. Yeah. And instead, he just keeps being an ape like a*****e and it's like, come on, Chad. He's literally and first of all, what? He's 28? He's my age? Or 20 that's what they say. Is he I don't believe it. I mean You know, he was making fun of himself because he was, like, he was talking about how he's 28, and I was like, dude, you look so f**king old. I don't wanna I don't wanna, like, I'm 28. I don't wanna, like, take an opportunity He said he was an awkward for, like, away from your podcast if he's, like, well, your friend Kristen's a b***h and I'm not doing it. So, Chad, this is me as a viewer straight up. But, yeah, it just makes me curious because I tweeted and I said, if Chad is 28, then Jax is 28. I know that was hysterical. But that's how I feel because they are, like, They look the same age. They do. Yeah. Chad might look older. And Chad literally reminded me of Jax, like, years ago the whole entire time I was talking to him. It was freaking my brain out. I literally felt like I was talking to Jax, like, years ago. Yeah. Like, before he even got, like, smartened up, like, street smartened up a little bit. You know, a little bit. Yeah. A little bit. A little a smidge. Is Chad's bicep bigger than your waist? No. Pretty close, though. His, like, shoulders and his biceps, they look massive. Like, insanely massive. Like, I've never really seen, like, a he looks like the Incredible Hulk. He doesn't look like like that in person. You know, I used that shot. He did. Really? He looked Or maybe I just wasn't paying attention to what his body was like. I actually I don't think I was paying attention, actually. Just curious. I'm now gonna have to, like, go back and look at my videos and be like, was it? I'm not sure. But if you could just do my podcast and respond to my text instead of tweet me random s**t, then that would be nice. K? So that was that. I called him out for hashtagging pump roles. I'm, like, dude, you Instagram photos all the time and you hashtag pump roles why? And he, like, made some weird joke that Jax would make that it made no sense, and I'm, like, I'm gonna let that one go. Like like, just know that I know what you're up to. Like, just know that I know. And he said suck a dick. That's your line. No big dick. That's right. Throw me a bone. I know. He could have just put a little tweet out and been like, thanks, Kristen, for the material. Yeah. Seriously. Well, he did say that Banner Pomp Rolls is the only reality show he's ever watched, not even The Bachelor. He said that to me over and over again. And I was like, then why wasn't I your favorite? Yeah. Pretty sure you'd like the a*****e. Like, I was the a*****e most of like, really? And you talk about murders. Yeah. Doesn't even make sense. Okay. So I think those those are my last thoughts about, like, meeting him. I think eventually you'll get to the bottom of Chad. Let's, like, see if he's continued. I wanna be his friend. I wanna help him. Yeah. I, like, I want I want to be friends. I'm gonna, you know what, I'm gonna text really successful. I'm gonna text him later on and be, like, hey. This is Staci again. You do have my number. Let's be friends. Let's hang out. That's it. Let's like, I can help you. I can make you good. If you text back Stassi who, please just shut it down and block his number. Dude. There's only one. Well, listen. I'm on a first name basis on Twitter. So you know what I mean? Robert in. At Stasse. You you better not Stasse who. Before we get into, like, our actual, Bachelor in Paradise teardown, like, like, you know, just, like, before we, like, purge our feelings, you know, like, our feelings and food, You just got Bolling Brand sheets and used my code. I did. How do you feel about that? I was so effing sick of no hate on Bed Bath Me On. But, like, Bed Bath Me On and Target and this and that and Wayfair and, like, all these websites and all these stores that I buy sheets at all the time. And I'm like, like, my boyfriend, Carter, is, like, really moody about sheets and duvet patterns. Shout out to Carter because he's gonna do my podcast next week so I can get a man's opinion on Bachelor in Paradise because Carter's obsessed with Bachelor in Paradise. Oh. But he's super moody about, like, sheet texture, which I've I'm not that moody about. That is so random. He's so moody about it. Like, it's itchy. It's this. It's too hard. It's scratchy. It's whatever. I'm like, Jesus. Really? So I'm like, Stacie, do act do you really love it? Sounds like a pain in the a*s right now. Pain in the a*s. And I'm like, do you love Boll and Branch? She's like, no. I'm dead serious. I know it's my sponsor. Like, I f**king love these sheets. So I'm like, fine. I'm gonna I'm gonna do it. And then I was like, well, which ones do I get? And I realized they're all very similar. It's just, like, your personal taste on, like, kind of the hemming of it or, like, the stitching. And so I don't I don't actually don't know which ones you have, but I have the ones that have the very simple I like the simple stuff too. That's the one Yeah. Just because I live with a boy. No offense that you don't have a husband. I don't have a husband. But, seriously, number 1, they come in this packaging that looks like a wedding gift. Yeah. It is, like, the most beautiful thing. You untie all these, like, satin ribbons and then legit softest sheets ever. Legit. I know. I get really excited when my, like, when people tell me this Does because I'm like, no. You don't understand. I used my own code so that I could buy extras. And it come it looks so cute. When you receive it, you feel, like, really f**king special. Cheaper using your code. Well, the reason why they're cheap in general is because Inexpensive. I'm sorry. Yeah. Not cheap. Yeah. You're right. Inexpensive is because you're you're not buying them from Bed Bath and Beyond or Target or Neiman Marcus or Barneys or whatever. So, like, you're this Boll and Branch is a brand that allows you to have to purchase hotel style 5 star sheets, but you don't have to pay that much because you're just going straight to the source. And that's why I love them and that's why I'm, like, really proud to always have them as my sponsor. And, if you use my code stuff, see, you get 20% off your entire order. So that's bullandbranch.com, b o l l and branch dot com, and you get 20%. 20% goes a really long way. It really does. Like, a legit long way. And I think it's a really good, gift to give somebody because no one ever, like, really thinks about buying sheets unless they're moving into an apartment Or had a breakup. Or have a break or something. Yeah. But, like, everybody wants an extra set of you can never have too many sets. You can't because you need to, like, you know, lock them. Yeah. Yeah. Switch that sheet out. So, so soft. Like, it it it's kinda mind blowing. Well, and you were talking about how yours were a little oversized. That's what I love about them. Yes. Because I don't like struggling to put them on Agreed. My mattress. I think I feel like Carter and I have, like, the deepest mattress. I don't even know. It's, like, so much deeper than a deep mattress because we have the one that, like, reclines and so deep. But it, like, reclines and, like, moves and whatnot. Do you know what I'm saying? You do? Yeah. Wait. I didn't know your bed did that. Yeah. It has, like, a remote. Wait. Really? Yeah. It does. Seriously. It's amazing. And so the fact that when we put these on, they're still, like, there's so much room to tuck them on in the mattress. I'm so sorry. I thought I got the wrong size. Like, I thought I accidentally ordered, like, a king or something. And I'm like, no way do these fit and, like, legit, like, have extra room to, like, tuck under and I'm not, like, yanking on them. You have a bed that moves Yeah. The feet and the floorboard. Vibrates? Yeah. And massages. Should I just get that as a single woman? Probably. That is It's pretty amazing. Next time I why haven't you ever showed me that? I don't know. What? Yeah. My mind is blown right now that I don't know this. Yeah. Okay. Next time we come to your apartment, you're gonna Shout out to Boll and Branch for a while. They're it just they weren't come I I if I would have gone to, like, a department store, I would have paid probably more than that and they would have annoyed me in 2 weeks. Yeah. And they would have gone into the drawer with all the other, like, guest sheets. Yeah. Good point. No one gets to have these but me. But actually, I'll probably order some for my guest. I don't know. Welcome to play it, a new podcast network featuring radio and TV personalities, talking business, sports, tech, entertainment, and more. Play it at play dot it. Talking pop culture, reality TV, celebrity gossip, relationships, and more. This is straight up with Stasi. Well, I'm really glad you're here because, there is this you love Daily Mail just as much as I do. I do. You love stalking. I love stalking. I do. You are the stalking queen. You can find anything out. Y'all, I always say this. Whenever something needs to, like, get done or somebody needs to figure something out, when they ask me a question, I'm like, text Kristen. Like, Kristen will be able to figure it out. Kristen can do it. Kristen could run a f**king small country. I don't take no for an answer. That is, like I I feel like that's how I live my life. I don't like when people tell me no Mhmm. Or that I can't do it or it's impossible. I'm like, oh, watch me. It's like you just said, like, triple dare or triple dog dare you. I'm like, done. Yes. That's why I feel like you would really like this app that I'm talking about right now. This app is called Texture and it is an app where it takes every single magazine that's out there and you can look at every magazine on just this one app. Like tabloids, you mean? Yeah. Or anything. Okay. You could us weekly, Vogue or Architectural Digest or f**king food and wine or what anything. So instead of just, like, say, going to Daily Mail, you click on texture and you can and and instead of, say, paying $4 at a grocery store for a magazine, you only have to spend, like, a small for, like, such a small price every month. And you can look at any magazine under the sun and not just current issues but back issues. So, like, from a year ago, you could go back to, like, Harper's Bazaar 2 years ago or whatever. Yeah. So and and traveling? When yes. When traveling, especially, like, if you have, like On your iPad. Yeah. Like, on your iPad, you can just look through magazines. It's actually, like, a it's a brilliant app. And what makes it even better is that, like, you can tailor it to you and you can say say you wanna just, like, look at, something on The Bachelor. Okay. You can just make Like, search it? You can search it. So then any article that's about The Bachelor from any magazine will come up. Done so. Yeah. It's really cool. Got it. I'm down. I'm, like, trying not to say Daily Mail that much anymore because I'm like, dude, texture just shuts you down. Yeah. It's like Daily Mail and crack. Yes. It is. It is, like, on crack. Like crack in a good way. And I'm giving everybody a free trial right now. Free. Free. Free. Free. Free. Free. Free. Free. Free. Free. Free. Free. Free. Free. Free. Free. Free. Free. Y'all don't have to pay anything. So go to texture.com/stasse. That's texture.com/ Stasse, and you can start for for real. I love free s**t. Free is the best. I'm doing it right now. I love your ear. Culture and stalking and, like, reading s**t. Like, everybody yells at me for, like, not answering my phone or texting. And I'm like they're like, but I know you're always on your phone. I see you on your phone. I'm like, yeah. Because I'm looking up s**t. I'm not actually texting people. I'm not communicating. f**k that. Who wants to do that? I'm not like Kristen where, like, I have, like, 4 thoughts so I have to send them in 4 different messages and make 12 messages. Yeah. 12. Yeah. Four thoughts. Twelve messages for 4 thoughts. You can put all of your thoughts in one giant message that my phone only beeps once. You know what I mean? I know what you mean. Sorry. I was actually doing the texture thing right now. It really is, like, really cool. Talking pop culture, reality TV, celebrity gossip, relationships, and more. This is straight up with Stasi. Alright. Let's get into Bachelor in Paradise. Before we go into all the, like, the people and stuff, do you wanna are you gonna, like, go through the people and, like, what we think of them? Or I'm gonna I'm gonna I'm I'm gonna start that, but I might actually depending on how you work, how the vibe we get into with this. You know what I mean? I might switch that up. But before we even talk about anything else, I I want to, like, maybe ask, like, were these people roofied when they were making the intros? Like, how did they agree to film those intros? Like, they were drugged. Right? It is so brilliant because I like that they are, like it's almost like the show is self deprecating. That's the thing. I'm like, this is either the most embarrassing thing in the world fun about that. Or trashy. The most brilliant thing in the world. No. It's so brilliant. I mean, they know exactly what they're doing. But would you do it? No. f**k no. I don't know. Maybe. I don't know. If we're gonna be self deprecating and, like, make fun of the fact that it's a Oh, like for Vanderpump Rules or something? Well, no. Vanderpump Rules asked if something would enter like that. I would absolutely do it. I would not do it on a heartbeat. Dick. That's what I would say. I would do it in a heartbeat. If they asked me to pour champagne over my body while I'm in a bikini, I would literally But that's not your character. So you personally wouldn't do that. You know what I'm saying? Okay. Like, they had the twins, like, being all bubbly and, like, they're they're kind of creating the shtick for each character and, like, overdoing it with the, like, cheesy music and, like, bad lighting and, like, the weird font choice and Yeah. I mean, I like that it's campy. Yeah. They're making fun of themselves. And I like that yeah. I like that it seems like my dogs always bark when I'm not doing this podcast. And my dog's here. It's Zo. Gibson. It's Zo. It's Zo. It is Zo. Yeah. I know that bark. She's just annoyed because they're younger and annoying her. I know. But, yeah, I think it's I think it is Carly had the worst one. I felt bad for Carly that she had to pour champagne all over her body. Yeah. I'm like, that that And Carly, I feel like she should have the most seniority almost. I I like Carly. I do too. Really? Because a lot of people tell me that they don't like her. I'm like, I like Carly. I do. But I she's also, like, friends with Jade. And so I oh, I didn't know that. They're, like, best she was in Jade's wedding. And so they're, like, really good friends. I didn't know that. Yeah. So I already, like I don't know her, but I think I I just know how much Jade loves her. Jade so you guys Jade Roper, I'm sorry, talking about from Bachelor in Paradise last year. Jade and Tanner. Kristen's friends with Jade. Janner or whatever their name is. No. But I do really like her, and I really liked when she fixed her eyebrows. Oh, yeah. No. Yeah. She's, like, so pretty with her eyebrows now. Well, who's your favorite? Take now take Carly out of it. Girl? Favorite girl, favorite guy? Okay. I might have to look at the list, but I'm like, off the top of my head, honestly You have the twins? No. Nick, Jubilee, Evan, Chad, Lace, Daniel. Probably my favorite guy. Okay. I I was gonna say, I actually now that Vinny, the barber, is actually doing his hair in a normal way without that, like You're not saying Vinny is my favorite guy. Thanks. No. But I like I think he's I like him. Seriously? I think Nick is my favorite guy. But I also know that Nick knows what the f**k he's doing and a lot of them don't. But I really really like Nick and I really like Nick last season. I honestly don't remember Nick from his first time on The Bachelorette even though he was the runner-up. Oh, with Andy? I that wasn't my favorite one. I didn't really pay attention to him. Oh my god. Andy? Wait. No. Andy, Josh Murray, and Nick, like, that's trying to Josh. Josh's. Josh was, like, my favorite. Wait. I know he's coming back next episode. I've invited Josh's. I've invited Josh. You don't understand. I was, like when I watched Andy's season, I was, like, dude, it would have been, like, game over. I think Josh is so cute. But then when I always talk struck a nerve with Nick next ups next next week. Well, I mean, it is edit. I mean, it's a commercial. It's a trailer. But But still, the fact that they brought this guy back and now then he starts making out with Well, Josh Kim. Kimberly, what's her name? s**t. I've asked people about Josh because I we have mutual friends. Okay. He has a lot of Louisiana friends that I have too, I think. Oh. And they're just like, don't. And I'm like, okay. That's all they say. Yeah. It's kinda like you wouldn't actually like like you wouldn't really like him that much. I don't think that you would either. I don't even like him because he's a creepier. I just thought he was cute. He wasn't like that. So when I saw the preview of Josh coming back, I'm like, oh my god. He got some reality advice. Like, that's not what he was like back when he was on The Bachelorette. Kind or, like Very kind. Very sweet. Okay. He seemed very sweet. He didn't know he wasn't, like, here to f**k s**t up, but he just did famously single on E with, like, Brandi Oh, my god. I haven't watched it yet. And Aubrey O'Day and, like Oh, god. So it's like I feel like he's just, like, gotten like, he's, like, catapulted himself. Next. Yeah. Like, into this, like, reality world and whatever show he can get on, he's, like, getting on and, like, fair, whatever. Cool. But I'm I'm excited for him to be back because him and Nick were, like, rivals. Yeah. I really like Nick. I like and I know you've interviewed him before and you really liked him, like, in person. No. He was very kind. Guy. He's very witty and funny and whatever. He was a little censored, but that's because I feel like he there was I think he was up for being The Bachelor. Yeah. So he was a little censored, but he was very kind. But I really like him on the show. Like, just as a viewer I do too. You know what? I do too. On the show. I really like Sarah. I hope that she gets more screen time. I hope she speaks up more. I've always liked her. I wish Sarah would, like, not be so so nice. Like So soft spoken. So soft yeah. Just like, dude, just say what you're really thinking. Yeah. Say what you're thinking. And I hope that that does happen because I like she is so beautiful. She's so smart. And she was funny, but, yeah, she's very soft spoken. And, like, she kind of, like, waits to be asked a question. Yes. And she doesn't assert herself. Yes. But which makes it I I don't understand why she's on a reality show. Like, how she was chosen for a reality show. I liked lace after lace got sober last night's or the other night's episode. Like, once lace was, like, the next day, lace. Not even lace when she was, like, I've changed and I'm trying to change all that bulls**t. But lace the next morning after Chad, all the bulls**t. And she was just like, look. Like, no. And then she said, I see a little bit of old lace in Chad. I was like, girl, I I got I feel you. Kristen, I just need to say this. I know you're going to say this. Is you years ago when you were at your most psycho, but, like, times 10,000,000. Yeah. Like, I was watching this being, like, pretty sure that's what I imagine Kristen's, like, in her relationships behind closed doors all the time. They, like, have sex and hit each other. Like, you just, like That's not how we You're feisty, though. You know what I mean? I don't actually mean hit each other. I mean, like Well, I think she may be. Well, she might. Yeah. But I mean, like, fight. It hook up. And then just like, you like the it's like the I'm not saying you're like that now. I know. The push and pull. The put yeah. The drama. You feed off of that, like, that energy. Yeah. Your erraticness of, like I just kept laughing and you guys kind of, like, look similar. You both are tall, skinny, brunettes, like Long hair. Her extensions are ratchet. Sorry. I see. I like it. They are not blended. Not at all. But And granted, I can say this because I've had some pretty ratchet extensions at points in my life. Like that. What? On her. I do. No. She looks beautiful with long hair. Yeah. I'm just saying, like, they're It goes black to orange. Like, I think Well, it goes like it's like she has short hair and then all of a sudden you see, like Yellow a long hair. Yeah. It's like it just doesn't make sense. I I really liked her. I did. No. Not a lot of people stick out to me. Like, Julie bores sorry. Bores the s**t out of me. Like, I mean, those people stick out to me too. I'm, like, looking at my list right now. So that's what they Daniel I can't do it, Daniel. On the moon. I don't you know what? I don't care if I'm being judgmental about him either. Like, he can suck it. Like, he's a moron. As f**k. And just him be being, like, I was hoping there'd be, like, some attractive girls here. I'm, like, be more of a dick. Like, just try. Try to be more of a dick. Actually not one unattractive girl. Every single girl is gorgeous. Like, are you and first of all, Daniel, your face is, like, not the best. No. It's a butter face. Yes. And no one would wanna have sex with something that's, like, that hard. The only thing I appreciate about Daniel I know. The only thing I appreciate about Daniel is the fact that he doesn't give a s**t to, like, stand up to Chad. Because without him, it would have been a very weird dynamic of no one having a one on one with Chad. Oh, come on. You know that Daniel did that because he's like, this is a straight time and this is my only. This is my I I can be the one. Yeah. I can be the one of those. Chad has muscles. Yeah. They like their Whatever. I I just don't like him. But at the end of it, when I was watching, the previews for next week, there's so many people coming on. Thank god. There are a lot of people I didn't recognize. Oh, yeah. Who's that Izzy girl? I remember Izzy now. I don't remember her. I do. It took me a little bit. I do remember her from I I remember her. But meaning next week that are coming on. I there are people in the previews, like, you know, Ashley comes on, like Thank God. She's fun. She blows her nose a lot, but whatever. I love when Ashley's on. I'm sorry. I know. I think she's such good television. She has good TV. But there was, like, a couple of girls that I'm literally, like, I haven't who what? What season? What? Like, are you are you the ones that are changing on? Season? Like Oh, yeah. I know. When they, like, bring back people that I'm like, who are you? Are you 42? Like, why are you on Bachelor in Paradise? Yeah. That's how I felt about Izzy. And I don't mind if you feel about Kayla Oh. And Character shoes? I don't like Kayla. She wore t strap and I love a good t strap shoe. But you know when you're doing musicals, like, when you're in musical theater and you have to wear these, like, character shoes? I yeah. That's what she wore all season with Ben. So her name is no longer Kayla. It's character shoes. That's really good. I'm telling you, go back and look. Those are the only types of shoes. Steal Jared away from Ashley. Can I tell you though? I know who gets who gets engaged and who doesn't, and I can't give it away. You do? Okay. I have ideas. I'll I'll tell you after a little bit later. Yeah. I can't ruin it for everybody, but I can't ideas. I actually I I have well Don't say it to me because I No. Don't say it right now because I don't wanna give it away in my face. Actually, I only have, like, like, 2 ideas. And so if I'm wrong about it, then I don't then I'm wrong. Okay. Okay. We'll go there later. Yes. But I don't get the Kayla and I I don't Why is everybody obsessed with Jared? I mean, he's cute. We've never hung out with him, so I don't know. Yeah. No. He's cute. But, like Didn't we say on Ashley's Instagram, like, they're always, like, hanging out with him? Together. That's why I always wonder about their their relationship. Like, are they just, like, best friends and she's in love with him and he's not with her and they, like, she accepts that? So they, like, they're in a relationship, but not they're not they're not romantic. So it's a relationship because they're hanging out all the time like they are in a relationship, but it's not romantic. Oh my god. I've been in one of those. You have? With whom? Yeah. No. Like, back, like, a long, long time ago. I was I was on the end of, like, like, he wanted more for me and we were best friends. And he was, like, all about being my best friend. But at the same time, he just didn't want me to be with anyone else, but he accepted being my best friend. And it is very weird because your my relationship's always being judged. But he's, like you know what I mean? Yeah. So I feel like that's a really good I'm wondering if that's what it is. That's the only thing you can think of. That's very interesting. They might end up together. I don't know. Eventually years from now. She just she just cries so much. So do I. Not like that. I mean, no. I don't cry like that. No. I know. I know. Well, I don't know. This summer. You like tear up. You know what I'm full fledged to show them? Full on is like Yeah. Like Tom Sandoval in Miami. Yeah. Like he she she cries, but she's, like, such good TV that I'm like, please don't ever get rid of Ashley High. She's fantastic. No one ever get rid of Ashley High. I'm trying to think. Amanda. I think she's adorable, but, like She is. So cute. I I'm I'm excited to see how this season goes for her because she I didn't love her on The Bachelor. I thought she was so sweet, so cute, but, like, I was just kinda like, I saw her at Disneyland and I and I went up to her and I was just like kids. Yeah. I was like, I really oh, wait. You know what? This is what drives me nuts. I'm sorry. I go up to every anytime I see someone from The Bachelor or The Bachelorette, I go up and I'm like, I am such a big fan. I love your show. Holy s**t. I can't believe I'm, like, around you right now. And I fangirl and, like, I would think that would make them feel good. And they act like they're f**king Brad Pitt or Angelina. Like, who are you, cousin? f**k. Yeah. Yeah. Entitled is not everyone. I'll say when I met Olivia, you weren't there, but Olivia from last bachelor's team was so so kind. And she's like, oh my god. I love your show. And, like, so sweet. But I remember when you and I went to a bar in West Hollywood and we're Parler. Yeah. Sorry. I'll say it. I've I've said it before. I'll say it again. I love Ashley Aye on camera. I think she's great on TV. But She was a b***h. I met her before we we all met her We met her. At another event. Yes. And then all of a sudden, we're all out after we I interviewed was JJ or something? Jayjay. Then we're all out. Who's so nice? She's acting like she's she's sitting next to me and she's just, like, kinda like, who are you? So f**king entitled. And I'm, like, is this real life? I know. I didn't like that. It it makes it makes me sad. It's, like, even when I went up to Amanda at Disneyland, I, like, accost her. I was, like, oh my god. Yeah. I love you. I love your show. Or no. I didn't say I love you. I don't know her. I'm, like, I love The Bachelor. Like, it's my favorite theme in the world. Yes. And she was sweet. She was sweet. She was, like, thanks. And then, like, that's it and kind of, like, turns around as if, like, I'm a a creep. Like, if I'm, like, somebody That's so weird. I'm, like, I'm a even if you have never seen Vanderpump Rules or anything Yeah. I don't I don't look like a 70 year old homeless man coming up to you, like, freaking you out. I'm a girl your age, like Who's, like, I love the show. Yeah. Like, I'm it it I'm just telling you I love the show and I think it's so great you were on it, whatever. And be kind to those people. Yeah. Without those people, bachelor peeps, if you're listening to this, without those people, you don't have a f**king show. You don't have a job. Yeah. It annoys me. Grateful. It it makes me it, like, makes me disheartened. Like, it makes me, like, not wanna watch it sometimes. Granted, I get over it within, like, 5 minutes because I'm like, oh, s**t. But we're so nice. We are. Yes. We don't think we're a big deal. No. When people come up to us, I'm like, oh my god. You're coming oh my god. That's so nice. Literally, I'm like, think yeah. Like, what? I don't understand, like, where We don't have a f**king job without these, like, doors. Where anyone could get off just being like, who are you again? And then, actually, I was at SIR one night. I was there too. While I was having dinner, I didn't run into her but everyone was coming up to me telling me. And I was like, like, oh, she really she she met me once. She had then she met me again and didn't know who I and pretended, like, she never and then she goes to SUR. Did she go on Yelp in in West Hollywood and she was, like, best restaurant? I just need to really go there. Come on. You know why the f**k you're going to surf, especially if you're on reality TV. Yeah. You know exactly what you're doing. You're going to be seen. Yeah. Sorry. Sorry, Ashley. I, but you were, like, kinda mean to me. But you're really good on television and I hope you stay on my television for a really long time. Yeah. By all means, you can please make up for it. Please make up for it. Tell me you didn't mean it. My feelings are hurt. I'm sensitive. I'm a cancer. I can't handle that kind of s**t. Real fast, are any of you guys hiring? If you are hiring, then that means you're probably a baller because most of us aren't, like, in the market for, like, hiring employees. You know what I mean? I know that it gets, like, really overwhelming to go to all of these different websites to post, like, classified ads, like Craigslist. Want to what are the websites? Granted, I'm not somebody who's hiring people. Not either. But they're, like, all of these different ones. They're all And I hear people b***hing about Yeah. All of these different things. I remember when I was unemployed. Yeah. Well yeah. Zip recruiter.com is basically, like if you know what Polyvore is for shopping online, that's what this is like. Like so you'd have to go just go to ziprecruiter.com, post your ad, and then it posts to all of the different websites. And then you only have to go back to ZipRecruiter to check to check to see who applied, and then you fat and just, like, cuts, like, time. It cuts the fat. Yes. It 100% cuts the fat and just, like, cuts, like, time. Time. That's annoying. I go to all these different websites. Who has time, especially if you're hiring people? You don't have time. Yeah. So basically, go to ziprecruiter.com/ziprecruiter.com/employ. Employ. I don't know why they don't use my name. Makes it so much harder. You guys have to remember if you're wanting to, like, hire somebody, don't do ziprecruiter.com/stase. It's a slash employ. But the website makes it so much easier to just, like I don't know. It cuts time out of everything. And that's what's up. But my this is, like, the big one. I am single right now. I live alone. So single. Sometimes my dogs aren't here because my mom has to watch them. It's like I'm going to town and I'm still here and, like, she hasn't brought them back. So, like, I feel unsafe in my apartment. And I also realized that, like, I get well, I already knew that I get, like, packages, like, 5 times a day, but I also use my name. I literally write Stassi Schroeder. I might as well be like, Stassi Schroeder, come and rob me. This is my address. So I've been starting to feel unsafe lately just a little more. And luckily, I got a security system. And it's not a security system that costs, like, 1,000 of dollars that you need somebody to come install this, like, weird a*s s**t. And I'm sorry. It feels weird to, like, install a security system in a little apartment. You know what I mean? Like, who does that? Well, you can do that when it's an easy to use, like, install in less than, like, a half an hour situation. And that is called ring.com. And that's, like, ring as in your finger, like ring finger, ring.com. I don't even know how they got that website. Yeah. Did they? Did they get that that website, like, when the Internet came out? I don't know. Do they have to, like, pay a lot of money for whoever had ring.com before? It's brilliant, though. It is. Like, how did that happen? It is brilliant. Let me just tell you how amazing this is. Basically, you get a doorbell with a video camera on it and that is all connected to Wi Fi and then you have an app on your phone where if anyone walks past your door or is lingering or anything like that, you get notified on your phone. You can go on your app and you have video recording of who live video recording of whoever is right there. But not just that. You can talk to them. You can talk to them. Honestly, even if I don't have burglars coming and, like, if it's just my neighbor, I think I'm gonna start playing tricks on people. You just wanna talk to your FedEx and UPS people and be like, I know that it says insurance and I need to sign, but I'm right here. Yeah. I'm right here. This is my goal signature. The all empower The all entropic. Yes. Just leave it there. Don't let me go drive to f**king the post office. It'll annoy me. I just feel like I could f**k with my neighbors. That too. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. Like, what if, like, you're, like, someone of my neighbors solicitor, like, come into your, like, courtyard It's like sort of area. You're the f**k out. Yeah. Like, you are not welcome. Yeah. What if you just, like, heard somebody all of a sudden is, like, saying that stuff? I would freak out and run. I'd be like, what the f**k? It's f**king weird. I'm really excited. This is, like No. It it's made me feel very it's made me feel very safe, and I'm gonna start playing pranks on people. And it's easy to use. And all the doorbells, you can get different like, they have silver, gold, copper. They have different shades of gold. Oh, and when you're out of, like or not when you're out of time. I'm sorry. When you're gone, like, when you, like, go out for, like, 2 hours or 3 hours and your dogs are home, like, sorry. Your dogs are not vicious. They think they are. So we're not gonna scare people away. No. They're not. And so if someone is trying to, like, tap into, you know, your apartment, like a little burglar or something Yeah. You'll know. I know. Gluda's not scaring that person away. You will with your scary voice. Heck, yeah. I wonder if I can do, like I would've I wonder if I can find a way to do, like, a voice, like, mod like, what's it called when you, like, can change your voice? Filter voice, like a voice modification? Yeah. Like, yeah. Modification, like, the scream voice or something. Yeah. So y'all go to ring.com/stase, and you get $50 off when you order your security kit. I want everyone to be safe. Anyone who's listening to my podcast, I don't want you to die or be murdered or robbed. Granted, even if you're not listening to my podcast, I don't want you to be murdered or robbed or whatever. Like, I don't want anyone to die. Maybe some people but, like, not everyone. Just make yourself safe. Tell those people about it. But everyone else. People who deserve to be robbed, like, don't tell them about ring.com. Okay? Let's keep this between us us. You know? Us Khaleesi's, we need to we'll be there for each other. Is there somebody at my door? That's weird. So that was funny. Joking. I mean, is there anything else? No. I just feel like I'm ready for next week. Like, well, Chad comes back sorta I mean, not comes back. Yeah. Just like Cassie's, I guess. There. So I'm curious to see what happens and what the whole hospital thing is about. Oh, you know, that they're so good at making they're so good at making this, like, these trailers, like, so that that they never actually are what they are. No. Of course not. We know Evan didn't get in a fight. But, like Evan doesn't know how to fight. Can Evan just go? I'm sorry. I get it. I'm, like, looking at There's so many new people coming in. I'm excited for the new people to come in. Because things need to be, like, stirred up. It's been such the Chad show that, like, I wanna see other things happen Yeah. Other than, like, some makeups in the ocean and everyone being mad at Chad. You know what, Chad? Let me I'll I'll finish with this. Okay. What, Chad you just reminded me something. What Chad did keep saying the other night was he was like, you know what? All of these people act like they're so f**king nice. He's like, you don't understand. They're sitting there talking about how they're gonna look and what they can say on TV to do this, and he's like, and I'm calling it out. He's like, it's so annoying because they're all pretend like, he's looking at them being like, you guys are acting like you're something that you aren't weren't like off camera. So, like, what are you doing right now? And he's the only one that's that's calling it out, and that was something I I I appreciate that. I really appreciate that. Learn how to navigate that and portray it correctly I tried to explain that as well. On or off television, on social media, whatever. Because I definitely I know that you and I both Yeah. We f**king know when people just do things for yeah. I'm like, you you know what? We've all gone through, like, the show's short. Be liked on camera. You wanna be liked by America. So, like, you're gonna pretend to like I appreciate that, Chad. I actually really do. But, yeah, he's you can help him learn how to navigate that a little bit. You can. Chad, I think you need to be my BFF. Yeah. Not my b f, but my BFF. Extra f. Extra f on the end. And then I have a drunken note that I wrote. Bachelor in Paradise is like Hunger Games. You did say that. Yeah. I mean, but it is. Because if you don't match up with someone, it's like you're dead. You said that first about, after the final rose or the men tell all or something and how there's an audience there. That's the first time you said it. That's right. But it really is like watching the Hunger games. Yeah. You're watching people just embarrass themselves, destroy each other, but then you have to survive, like, especially in Bachelor in Paradise. Like, if you don't match up with someone, like, you're out. So, like, you gotta just it's like dating Hunger Games. It's so true. Good job, Bachelor Nation. Alright. Kristen, thank you so much for being so enthusiastic about Bachelor in Paradise the same way that I am. Carter is gonna be on my podcast next week. I hope that Chad responds to my text message, and he's on it too. Love you guys. Bye, Khaleesi. Oh, go follow Kristen at at kristendhoti on Instagram and Twitter and Snapchat. Later. Whenever new moms ask me, like, okay. What baby products do you recommend? What do I need? My number one is always the Nanit baby monitor, the smart camera. Like, it has become such a huge part of both me and Beau's lives. Like, the fact that I can always look at my baby when my baby's sleeping or I have 2 nannons in Hartford's room. I have one above her bed for when she's sleeping and then one in the corner of her room so that if she wants to play alone in her room, I can watch and make sure. I obviously have one in Messer's nursery. And the fact that I have that peace of mind that I can always watch my kids, there is no more comforting feeling. And not just that, like, not just like watching my kids while I'm at home. If I'm out, I can watch my baby because this baby monitor allows you to see your baby from anywhere all the time. So if I'm at dinner, I can still go on to the Nanon app and see exactly what's going on with either of my kids. I also just use it religiously to, like, track, like, when a messer woke up, like, when did this happen because you can track all the things on the Nanit and it just makes it so easy. So the Nanit baby monitor is the MVP of baby gear. It's the one baby item we can't live without. And, of course, we have a special offer just for our listeners. Get 20% off your first order with code dream 20. That's dream20@nanit.com now. Nanit, n a n I t.com.

Past Episodes

Stassi sits down with Sarah Hoover to discuss her memoir, The Motherload which is Stassi?s absolute favourite. Sarah opens up about her experiences with postpartum depression, childbirth  trauma, and those first few years of motherhood when she felt completely disconnected from her baby. It?s a raw, relatable conversation that will make every mom feel seen and less alone. They dive into the messy, beautiful truths of motherhood, the identity shifts, the boring baby classes, and  the magical moments that make it all worth it. Plus, they swap spooky ghost stories (because why not?) and how they?ve found their groove as mom?s. This episode is like a cozy chat  with your besties?honest, empowering, and a reminder that you?re not alone in the wild ride of motherhood.

This episode is sponsored by: OUAI - Go to THEOUAI.com and use code STASSI for 15% off any product. Caraway Home - Visit Carawayhome.com/STASSI10 for an additional 10% off your next purchase or use code Stassi10 at checkout. Boll and Branch - Get 15% off, plus free shipping on your first set of sheets at BollAndBranch.com/stassi. Quince - Go to Quince.com/stassi for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns.

01:21:38 2/12/2025

Stassi is spilling all the royal tea in this episode, and it?s all about the one and only Marie Antoinette! Joined by Even the Royals co-hosts Brooke Siffrin and Aricia Skidmore-Williams, they?re diving into the life of history?s most glamorous (and controversial) queen.

They?re breaking down the wildest rumors, the scandalous 18th-century tabloids (think TikTok drama channels), and the infamous Diamond Necklace Affair that helped topple the monarchy. Turns out, Marie was the original victim of cancel culture?hated for things she didn?t even do. Stassi opens up about her deep connection to Versailles, sharing why she?s so drawn to its opulence and drama. Together, they debate the highs and lows of royal life and tie it all together with a chat about Meghan Markle. 

This episode is sponsored by: OUAI - Go to THEOUAI.com and use code STASSI for 15% off any product. Nutrafol - Get $10 off and free shipping at Nutrafol.com with code STASSI. Our pLace - Go to fromourplace.com and enter my code STASSI at checkout to receive 10% off sitewide. Lume -Control Body Odor ANYWHERE with @lumedeodorant and get 15% off with promo code Stassi at Lumedeodorant.com! #lumepod. RO - Go to RO.CO/STASSI to see if you qualify. Hiya - Receive 50% off your first order at hiyahealth.com/STASSI.

01:09:46 2/5/2025

Stassi is joined by her sister Georgi for a fun-filled catch-up packed with laughs and sisterly banter. They dive into the age-old debate: who?s got it worse?middle kids or firstborns? (Hint: Stassi?s the firstborn and has opinions.) They also dish on Hartford?s Wicked-meets-Frozen birthday bash and chat about how parents today are upping their playground game to avoid mom-shaming. Stassi fangirls over Outlander?s latest time-travel twists, reminisces about rocking the Castlecore vibe before it was trendy, and wraps up with dreamy Jonathan Bailey moments. This episode is pure sisterly fun!

This episode is sponsored by: OUAI - Go to THEOUAI.com and use code STASSI for 15% off any product. Thrive Causemetics - Get an exclusive 20% off your first order at thrivecausemetics.com/STASSI. Rocket Money - Reach your financial goals faster with Rocket Money. Go to RocketMoney.com/STASSI . Cook Unity - Go to https://www.cookunity.com/STASSI for 50% off your first week. SKIMS - The Fits Everybody collection shop now at SKIMS.com and SKIMS stores. Liquid I.V. - Get 20% off your first order of Liquid I.V. when you go to LIQUIDIV.com and use code STASSI

01:11:54 1/29/2025

In the short but terrible time that we thought TikTok was gone, Stassi had some big realizations?like maybe high-stress situations aren?t her thing. Thankfully, TikTok survived, and now she?s joined by hysterical TikTok star Max Balegde! They spill royal tea, laugh about Max?s sweaty hands debacle, and swap stories about Disney conspiracy theories. From Samuel L. Jackson?s unrecorded interview to Max?s rise from viral videos to international TV, this episode is packed with hilarious moments and UK vibes. All thanks to the app that almost wasn?t!

This episode is sponsored by: OUAI - Go to THEOUAI.com and use code STASSI for 15% off any product. Thrive Causemetics - Get an exclusive 20% off your first order at thrivecausemetics.com/STASSI. Progressive - Find insurance options within your budget at Progressive.com . Chime - Learn more at chime.com/Stassi . Hiya - Receive 50% off your first order at hiyahealth.com/STASSI. 

01:22:54 1/22/2025

Stassi and Beau share their deeply personal story of navigating the Los Angeles wildfires, where everything changed in an instant. As they struggled to manage their fear and panic?Stassi showing hers outwardly, Beau trying to stay calm?they worked together to prepare their kids and make the emotional decision to evacuate their beloved home before winds kicked back up this week.

They reflect on how losing a home, whether you?re a celebrity or not, is about so much more than walls?it?s about memories, safety, and love. They are both consumed with thoughts of those who have lost absolutely everything they have worked hard to build. It's unimaginable. If you feel inclined to donate, at the end of the episode, they share some organizations supporting wildfire victims that are making a big difference.

This episode is sponsored by: OUAI - Go to THEOUAI.com and use code STASSI for 15% off any product. Thrive Causemetics - Get an exclusive 20% off your first order at thrivecausemetics.com/STASSI. Progressive - Find insurance options within your budget at Progressive.com . Thrive Market - Head to ThriveMarket.com/stassi to get 30% off your first order, plus FREE $60 gift. Nutrafol - Get $10 off and free shipping at Nutrafol.com with code STASSI. Caraway - Visit Carawayhome.com/STASSI10 for an additional 10% off your next purchase or use code Stassi10 at checkout.

01:22:38 1/17/2025

Stassi and C-O-Lo are kicking off 2025 with some major New Year's energy! After a long break with her kids, she?s feeling emotional about Hartford growing up?especially now that her daughter lives in her Elphaba outfit and has her contemplating a Frozen-meets-Wicked birthday party mashup. Stassi is on a mission to find her word of the year, taking inspo from Meghan Markle?s resilience, and spilling on how she?s tackling social anxiety as part of her New Year's goals.  Plus, she?s narrowing down her signature scent and embracing her forever love for Castlecore (she was into it before it was trendy). New year, new magic, and all the energy focused on manifesting positivity!

This episode is sponsored by: Lume -Control Body Odor ANYWHERE with @lumedeodorant and get 15% off with promo code Stassi at Lumepodcast.com/Stassi ! #lumepod. OUAI - Go to THEOUAI.com and use code STASSI for 15% off any product. RO - Go to RO.CO/STASSI to see if your insurance covers GLP-1s?for free. Hiya - Receive 50% off your first order at hiyahealth.com/STASSI. Our Place - Go to fromourplace.com and enter my code STASSI at checkout to receive 10% off sitewide. Progressive - Visit Progressive.com to see if you could save on car insurance.
 

01:14:18 1/8/2025

Stassi and her bestie Taylor Strecker are diving into holiday laughs and festive fun in this special Christmas Day episode. They kick things off dreaming up Jesus? signature cocktail (espresso martini or Prosecco?) and laughing about Stassi?s idea for a gallery-worthy painting of Jesus with his drink of choice?sorry, Beau! TikTok panic is real as Stassi preps for its possible farewell, and Taylor spills the tea on hosting Anna Delvey at her holiday party. From cheetah-print ornaments to Santa Barbara Christmas plans and toddler-level Santa logistics, it?s holiday magic, laughs, and plenty of inappropriate gifts. Cheers!

This episode is sponsored by: Nutrafol - Receive $10 off your first month?s subscription and free shipping. Go to Nutrafol.com use promo code STASSI. Lightbox Jewelry - Shop lab-grown diamonds at lightboxjewelry.com and get 10% off your first order with code STASSI10.

01:06:50 12/25/2024

Stassi and C-O-Lo are bringing the holiday cheer and a side of awkwardness in this festive episode! Stassi dives into her deep discomfort with opening gifts in front of people (can we normalize private gift-opening, please?) and shares her hilarious white elephant story, complete with sneaky gift-hiding. They chat about the lost art of thank-you cards, go-to holiday gift ideas, and the magic of Elf on the Shelf. Plus, Stassi vents about Beau hijacking her perfectly curated wrapping aesthetic, and they swap stories about revealing the big secret about Santa. It?s all things holiday, with laughs, relatable rants, and plenty of sparkle!

This episode is sponsored by:Quince - Go to Quince.com/stassi for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Hiya- Receive 50% off your first order at hiyahealth.com/STASSI. Ro - Go to RO.CO/STASSI to find out if you?re covered for free. OUAI - Go to THEOUAI.com for 15% off sitewide and enter promo code STASSI.

01:09:41 12/18/2024

Stassi?s back, and this time, Beau joins her for what?s basically a podcast date night. They kick things off with Stassi?s mysterious chin pain and dreams of a Mommy Makeover before diving into a hilarious game of questions. From social media icks like caption cringe and overused filters to conspiracies about secret celebrity tunnels with elite Starbucks, nothing?s off-limits. Stassi debates how she?d prove she?s from the future (witch or leader vibes?), and Beau dreams of a 1960s sports car while Stassi plans to splurge on Versailles antiques. It?s all fun, laughs, and a lot to talk about with these two!

This episode is sponsored by: Lume - Control Body Odor ANYWHERE with @lumedeodorant and get 15% off with promo code Stassi at Lumepodcast.com/Stassi! #lumepod. Better Help - This episode is sponsored by/brought to you by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at betterhelp.com/STASSI and get on your way to being your best self. Chime - Open your account in 2 minutes at chime.com/STASSI . Thrive Causemetics - Get an exclusive 20% off your first order at thrivecausemetics.com/STASSI. Our Place - Go to fromourplace.com and enter my code STASSI at checkout to receive 10% off sitewide.

01:12:47 12/11/2024

Stassi kicks off December with her BFF Taylor Strecker for a hilarious chat that covers everything from Christmas chaos to internet trolls. Stassi shares her dream of escaping LA?s holiday monotony, and the duo swaps parenting stories, like Messer?s energy overload to Hartford tattling on bounce house kids, and Stassi hilariously ?tells on herself? as a self-proclaimed narc They dive into celebrity gossip, including Taylor?s viral Page Six moments, and dish on beauty trends like preventative facelifts. Add yin-yang twin dynamics, Stassi's awkward Moana premiere moment, and a little Lindsey Lohan glow-up admiration?it?s holiday overload!

This episode is sponsored by: Lightbox Jewelry - New customers get 10% off their first order on lightboxjewelry.com using the code STASSI10. Hiya- Receive 50% off your first order at hiyahealth.com/STASSI. Nutrafol - Recieve $10 off any order! Enjoy free shipping when you subscribe. Go to Nutrafol.com and enter the promo code STRAIGHTUPGIFT. Dreamland Baby - Go to dreamlandbabyco.com and use my code STASSI for the BUY ONE GET ONE FREE. Caraway - Visit Carawayhome.com/STASSI10 to take advantage of this limited-time offer for up to 20% off your next purchase. Thrive Market - Go to ThriveMarket.com/stassi for 30% off your first order, plus a FREE $60 gift!

01:11:15 12/4/2024

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