Transcript
Today at Centreparks, I didn't multitask. I saw the gleeful look on my teenager's face as she conquered the zip wire. Today, I didn't juggle meetings and packed lunches. I helped my little boy paint a cute squirrel pot. Today, I didn't stress about a work deadline. I swam underwater aqua jetting with my 10 year old. Life moves too fast. Precious moments last longer on a short break at Centreparks. Cherish every moment. Hey. In this episode, legendary comedian Carol Leifer joins us. Elon Gold is funny as hell on this show. We got the news as well. We'll do all that right after this. Hey. This is Adam Carolla from the Adam Carolla Show. BetOnline is the world's most trusted betting platform and your number one source for online betting in 02/2025. Whether you're a seasoned fan or a first time bettor, BetOnline is your ultimate game day companion. With the largest selection of odds on everything from NBA, college basketball, exclusive in game live betting, BetOnline is your ultimate game day companion. And if you like the, NHL, you like a little hockey or the UFC, if that's your thing, BetOnline is your number one sports betting source. From every three pointer to every hat trick, BetOnline has you covered with the odds, stats, and more for every single game, every play, and every win. It is BetOnline. The game starts here. Pluto TV is the place for movie fans like me. And TV fans like me. They've got something for everyone, and it's totally free. You can binge laugh out loud sitcoms like Frasier. And rewatch cult classics like higher learning. Whether you're in the mood to solve a little crime before bedtime with NCIS or Tracker. Or curl up with a surefire hit like Forrest Gump. Run, Forrest. Pluto TV has thousands of movies and shows all for free. Pluto TV. Stream now, pay never. From Carolla one Studios in Glendale, California, this is the Adam Carolla show. Adam's guest today, comedians Elan Gold and Carol Lever. Plus, we'll do the news and trending topics with Jason Mayhem Miller. And now when Gavin Newsom speaks, he finds it very moving as in it makes him wanna move. Adam Carolla. Yeah. Get it on. Got to get on a man aid. You get it on now. Thanks for tuning in. Thanks for telling friend. Love that about you. Carol Leafer's coming in later. She's a legend. Elon Gold's living his legend out right now in studio. Elon's got a stand up special. Elon Gold's forty minute comedy special. Yeah. It's available. At the Laugh Factory. Available as we speak, on YouTube. Always good to see you, my friend. Can I say, first of all, thank you for having me? Mhmm. When I think about all the Jewish comedians you could have had as a guest, and I heard it was down to me and Zelensky. It was. It was down to me. If you were Yeah. Five foot seven Yeah. You could pass yourself off as a Zelensky type. I just wanna apologize for wearing sweatshirt in the show. I should've put a suit on. Yeah. We'd ask if you put a suit on. And he asked if you put a suit on. And he would ask if you put a suit on. Disgusting because he comes into the show, and he wears a pink sweatshirt, and he looks so horrible. You know, you gotta put a suit on when you meet the president. You gotta put a suit on. You know what? I'm not asking for, like, a cannoli or a Hugo Boss. Just go into Zara's. Go into Zara's. You know, the pants, they could be $59. The jacket matching jacket could be $79, and you have yourself a suit. You look so horrible. I tried to go, to Westfield Century City Mall, and I went and then they couldn't find they couldn't find parking spots. I just drove around the block, and then I I You know, it strikes me strike it strikes me that and I just thought of this, but Chris Rock and I'm not saying this because you do a Chris Rock because I have no idea if you do a Chris Rock. But Chris Rock, when he does stand up, he does it like Trump when Trump is sort of telling a story. So Chris Rock, he'll go, women love to snoop through your s**t. They love to snoop. Women love to snoop to snoop. And I repeat it night. Time. And and Trump will do the thing where he said he's he's doing a state of the union or whatever, and he's like, this young girl Oh my god. Is playing volleyball, and there's a male on the other side. And she gets hit in the head with the ball, and she's never seen anything like it. There's nothing like like I it's a weird It's a weird, like, weird side talk. And it's like, yes. She got Chris Rock. Women's snoop. Now do the joke. Yeah. Don't do three women be snooping and then do the joke. And Trump, this chick got beamed with a volleyball hit by a dude. Right. That's the story. We don't I know she's never seen anything like it. She was 14. Right. She never played a dude. And everyone who gets concussed by volleyball has never seen anything like it. No. Because you that's if there's it's only one time you get destroyed by a volleyball. Yes. So But you're making two points. I made it into my middle age without ever being devastated by a volleyball. You can find Trump Yeah. In that hit with the volleyball, and he just he just sits there. Yeah. Chris Rock. Like, a one hour Chris Rock set would be fourteen minutes. If he stopped repeating. Didn't set every joke up nine times. You're making two observations, but my favorite one is the first one. The volleyball thing's very good. But the observation that that Trump is the Chris Rock of president He is. Is that that the repeating like, when he talked about just the other night, he talked about the the the mice. He goes, you know, you look at the transgender mice, and they're not doing very well. You know? They don't know. Are they am I Mickey? Am I Minnie? What am I I don't know what to be. His two hour speech could be thirty six minutes. There's a stop of yes. She was hit with the volleyball. Now what? Hit with the and it was so bad. You know, you look at it, and she was hit with a volleyball. It was it was it was such a volleyball. And you look at volleyballs, and I know a lot of volleyballs, and this volleyball was so and it's the same with rock. The girl was hit with a volleyball. Hit with a ball. A ball. A volleyball. Hit with a ball. We could do this in three minutes. I I I've never said it to the man. That's fascinating. Chris Rock could take a one hour special and trim 67. By the way, when people ask me who's your favorite, I say Rock, and yet we just got into an email fight. You and Chris Rock? Yesterday. Not really a fight. I sent him you don't understand this because you don't do impressions. But people who do impress you can't relate to this. Yes. Okay? I don't mean to condescend and say what you do do and don't understand. Too too late. But Yeah. You don't understand a lot of things. Yeah. But impression people I don't call myself an impressionist. I'm a comedian. I do impressions. Like, you know, I was born with a gift, and that's it. It. That is. Yeah. That's it. And I do You can do it. I you can do it or you can't. Yeah. It's like some people can take their tongue and roll it. Right. I can. Right. That being said, when I when you stumble on an impression, okay, it's the most exciting thing. Stumble onto a new one Correct. Versus stumbling in the middle of one. No. What I'm saying is When you say stumble on impression Yes. That means you could be f**king up an impression by stumbling Okay. Fine. In the middle of. How about happen on? When you happen happen upon? Happen upon. When you happen upon an impression. In the forest. Yeah. Yeah. And then all of a sudden, you go you go, oh my god. I can do this guy. Yes. And when they're obscure you know, anyone does a Trump. It's like a boring and annoying, you know. I'd like like remember in the old days, it was when we were growing up, it was Reagan. Everyone did a Reagan Right. Or a or a Johnny Carson. Everybody had a Johnny Carson. Okay. When you happen upon a new impression that's more of an obscure one, like I have now, you're not gonna believe this, a Tom Papa. I have a Tom Papa. You I I got news for you. You got a little Tom Papa in you just sort of naturally. I don't know, but genetically related. Well, guess what's crazy about this? Yeah. And I wasn't this wasn't planned either. And I sent this to rock. I got so excited. It was, like, two in the morning. All of a sudden, I started talking like papa. So I sent it to Jeff Ross to Chris Rock to allheart by Harry Shaffir. I was like, guys, I have a papa. All the greats. So well, I hear also has some people have a tone and then some people have a tone and a cadence. Correct. And Tom Papa has a cadence, which is equally difficult to mimic. I am not taking anything away, but it's his his his his his his his his his his his his his his his his. Well, guess what else he does? Mhmm. Repeats. Yeah. So here, I don't remember how to do it, so I I recorded it. And then I'll see if I could see them again. Let's hear let me see. Okay. Top up. Here we go. Figured it out. You have to talk condescending and a little gay. It's a little gay. You gotta be repetitive. Repetitive. Repetitive. Anyway, I'm It's true. That's that's that's it. That's it. And you have saved Rock and Trump, and I'm like, I sent it to everyone. I was so happy about it. You should be. And then Rock sends me back, like, cool. Congrats, man. I'm like, congrats. I wasn't sending this as if, hey. I cracked the code. You're gonna be so happy for me. I was just like, isn't this funny how stupid his cadence is? Yeah. You know? I mean, even though we love him. It's a smiling smudge. It's just fun. When comedians make fun of each other, it's with love unless we hate the guy. Everybody loves Tom. So I go, isn't this the silliest cadence? It's a cadence. And he repeats it. A cadence. A cadence. You know, it's almost Carlin esque. Remember Carlin used to go Yes. Yeah. Come down. I'm gonna come I'm gonna come out and then come down. Oh, also leto. You know what? He goes up? Yeah. He comes up and and then he comes down. Oh, this is good. How about this? We're about to see babies. You can do, Lionel. But who does a papa? Nobody does a papa. Nobody does a papa. Alright. And no. It is true. Look. All all praise, Elon. Because when you said, you know, you do a Tom Papa, I was like, okay. But what's that sound like? But when you did it, I was like, oh, yeah. Right. Oh, yeah. And that's when it's exciting. You know what it's like? It's it's like what what Tom Papa of impressions is like a massaging chair where you see you you know, you're at the airport. They got the chair, and they're there's $8,000, and it's a the sharper image, and you go, who needs a f**king 8 thou and then you sit in it for, like, three minutes. You go, oh, yeah. Oh, Now Yeah. Now I need one of them. You almost feel that way with you and Tom Papa. You were mad at me for bringing up the angry a papa. How dare you inside me with a papa? And then it made you so happy. That sign you sound like that. No papa. No. Why is he doing a papa? This is crazy. Oh, Jerry, he's got a papa. And a papa. A papa. He's got a papa. And it's like and it's just the best when you happen upon these impressions. It's it's it's perfect. Don't do, weirdly? Mhmm. Elon Musk. Kyle Dunnegan does it the best. And when I see someone that nails it the first time, people don't realize that impressions are observations just like any stand up observation. Ironic no Elon for you. What? No Elon. And then when I see when I see Dunnigan do it, he's been on the show right now. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I seen him on it. Friend of the show. Yeah. He's a friend of the show. So am I, by the way. We have we have the volleyball speech, by the way. We can Oh, this is weird. I'm gonna I'm gonna drip too far away. Hear it. Now, again, he's going full Chris Rock here. Here he goes. Three years ago, Peyton McNabb was an all star high school athlete. By the way, pause it there. When I heard Peyton McNabb, I was like NFL's greatest quarterback. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That guy had a can for an arm and he could scramble too. Yeah. But I was like, go ahead. Athlete, one of the best preparing for a future in college sports. But when her girls volleyball match was invaded by a male, he smashed the ball so hard in Payton's face, causing traumatic brain injury, partially paralyzing her right side and ending her athletic career. It was a shot like she's never seen before. She's never seen anything like it. Never seen Payton is here tonight in the gap. Nobody first off, triple down. If you see a volleyball coming, then you don't get hit by the volleyball. So you've never we've all never seen anything like it because you literally don't see it. Right. It gets that's why you get concussed. But I love that he does that little sidebar as if we wouldn't as if we'd be confused. Like, what happened? Wait. Have you seen it? Hold on. Is that b***h dating a volleyball? No. She was hitched. Seen the volleyball. See the volleyball. Was the volleyball on hinge? Is that where and then she swiped left on the volleyball? Like it. Yeah. It's not. By the way, unlike Biden, he goes off prompter. Right. So that's why By the way, this is him on prompter Right. Still doing extra sidebar. But in that sense, the prompt a prompter said never seen vol volleyball four times. Never seen vol and he's just reading it. Never seen it. Never saw the volleyball. He didn't see it. She didn't see it. Never saw. And he's reading still. I wanna hear it one more time. I just wanna hear the last twenty seconds. So But he only repeated twice. Usually, it's Yeah. Well, he's on prompter. Right. And he's got a f**king speech. Right. He's not hanging in with Fox and Friends. You know what I mean? Never seen the volleyball. Never seen the volleyball. Never saw Get to the joke. Let's do the joke here. Get to the buzz side. Part of the volleyball fight. Yep. He's still the best. I agree. Alright. Here it is. Sorry. Partially paralyzing her right side and ending her athletic career. It was a shot like she's never seen before. She's never seen anything like it. Payton is here tonight in the gallery. Alright. It would be funny if she stood up and was hit by a volleyball. Like, if somebody had any sense of humor, they just stand three feet away. Just out of camera, she just stand up, just hit her just beat her, like, really quick with a volleyball. The frame is just the volleyball coming in. The Democrats were alright with their little f**king ping pong paddles and all their bonsais, but they brought a volleyball. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh, that one's been so good. Can you imagine Can we get serious for a second? Hold on a second. I'm still exploring. I'm fine. Then move on. Plenty of time to get serious. Fine. Jasmine Crockett. If she brought a volleyball Yeah. And just stood right out of camera range, and when she stood up, just beamed her on the head with it. Yep. Fox, the next day I mean, can we have Hannity that night? Like, the the explosion Yeah. Explosion of anger. Great idea. How would no one thought of it? Nobody thought to bring a volleyball? Yeah. Someone vetted the speech. Right? And they go, okay. At this point, we'll talk about the kid with cancer. He gets up. At that point, we talk about the girl with the we throw a volleyball. Right. You vet the speech, then you come up with ideas like this. The kid with cancer, we put the guy in the Grim Reaper robe, and he just stands up right behind him. And while everyone is clapping, he just stands over the sick hallway. Not yet, pal. Yeah. Just do some do some tricks with it. That's a brilliant idea. Just this. Just just Go quick to volleyball. Yeah. I'll tell you what I learned. Watching that kid who had cancer we'll get serious now. That's what I wanna do. The kid that had cancer had the 13 year old Yeah. That had cancer at age 13 riddled with cancer. They call it brain cancer, but it's head cancer. Your whole head has cancer. Mhmm. That 13 year old kid riddled with brain cancer and head cancer with thirteen thirteen surgeries Riddled with cancer. Riddled. Has a better mustache than than Jay Z does. Alright. That's what I thought about myself. That's the reason for the cancer, actually. Really? Yeah. Yeah. The mustache grew in too good. I thought the volleyball it'd be funny if the whole callback. Elon, the volleyball hits him too. It's the kid. Everyone gets him the ball. One that stands up gets him with the volleyball. Alright. Transwoman. Great idea. It's a great sketch. We do the chick first. She gets him the volleyball. Then this kid stands up. Hit the ball. Then there's the guy who is the injured Iraqi veteran. He Yeah. Brought volleyball. Go. And then we do the callback one Yeah. Where it's like, by the time the fifth person gets clipped with the volleyball, then he's like, and, an 86 year old, January 6 protester. No. Stand up, Agnes. And she's like, I think I'm good. No. Stand up, said I'm fine. I'm I'm fine. She's looking over. That's the callback. You have the callback. I have the finale. Let's go. Trump says, god bless America. A hundred volleyballs. Volleyball. Everyone just everyone just I'll put the volleyball. Yeah. We go full French farce. It's like a beach ball thing at the house shirt. Everyone's doing this. Of course, the Democrats wouldn't hit the volleyball. Yeah. I can't believe they didn't stand up for this kid. They didn't applaud this kid. I went over it. Listen. Here, the thing Oh, we talked about this yesterday. No. Yeah. But it's a great no. So what Trump is doing is he trolls these people. Mhmm. Right? So but also do the math. Like, they've been calling Trump, Hitlerian, and Hitler for four years or eight years or six years or whatever. They're calling the guy Hitler. Elon. Mhmm. If you were at a Hitler rally Mhmm. Or or Hitler State of the Union, and he started talking about a fireman who was severely injured. Would you stand up? For Hitler? The actual actual The actual of the social scenario is that Langold, the biggest Jew on our The biggest Jew. Is sitting at the Hitler rally. Right? And he's going, What what's the scenario if you have kids with a cancer? And he's got a brain. It's a brain. It's a cancer. And now Elon Gold's sitting in the audience. Right. This is not Elon Musk, by the way. This is Elon Gold. Does Elon Gold stand up for the kid? He absolutely does. Wow. He absolutely does. Wow. I knew Elon was a hero. Yeah. Because he's standing for the kid, not the Hitler. Alright. I'm not defending them, but I'm saying they called the guy Hitler for the last few years. So it stands to reason they're not gonna applaud when Hitler cues them. That's fine. That's all I'm saying. Fine. Cue right. When Hitler cues them, but you have to look past that and go, we're we're applauding the kid. The time frame is still What what what, They don't have Here's what Trump does. He trolls them. He does what, Mayhem knows from the combat world. They would always say this in the boxing world. They go, we're gonna drag him into the deep rounds and drown him. Right. That's that. And then when no one knew what the f**k they were talking about, but somehow we're gonna drag him into the deep rounds. Yeah. I'm gonna do that with George Foreman. Right. Yeah. He's gonna pummel me for the first eight and a half rounds, but then I'm gonna get him into the deep water Right. When he's gassed out from concussing me and hitting me with his volleyball hands, and then I'm drowning him. You know what I mean? They thought he was gonna but that's what he does. He trolls him because he goes, I'm I'm done with NAFTA, and I'm putting tariffs on Canada. And I'm thinking about buying Greenland and turning into a golf resort. Yeah. And they're all like, boo, boo, boo. And I wanna eradicate AIDS in Africa. And they go, well, f**k that. Right. And they go, oh, you guys just said you didn't wanna do away with the AIDS in Africa? They're like, no. We got trolled. He's smart. He knows that. And he shuts them up because these people aren't gonna stand up and applaud for anything. And they're like, are you dead right? You're not gonna applaud for anything. That's right. That that that kid We have his mustache and Jay Z's Yes. Mustache. You shoot this little black kid on earth. Just so you get a mustache and Jay Z. Oh, wow. I believe right. So just so you know, that kid, the the original brain cancer kid was white. And then Trump said, let's make him black, see if they get up for that. If we make him black, maybe they'll get up for that. So they recast the kid, made him a black cancer kid, and they still didn't get up. Crazy. I told, Leno. You brought up Leno. I told Leno. Yeah. Now I'll I'll set you up in a little role play. Leno did not think this was funny when I told this to him. Alright? Jay's a great guy, but he's not not when he's kinda comedians who laughs along with you. You know what I'm saying? And so I go I did a function with him, like, three weeks, four weeks ago. Oh, god. Maybe it was five it was right after the fire. It was, like, a week after the fire, and I just go, we're, like, backstage, and I go, you know, Jay, people are, a lot of people blaming you for these fires. Already funny, by the way. Yeah. Yeah. Good. He goes, well, he did. You can be confused, Jack. Yeah. Well, what do you mean? Well, what did I have to do with fire? Heard of I mean, sure. They've heard people talking. You know? Yeah. Well, Well, they a lot of people think, you know, you set yourself on fire and then you roll down the hill. Oh god. And he just goes, Yeah. The people say, you know, you set you set yourself fire and you roll down the hill, and then, you know, now we gotta now it's out of hand. Like a snowfall. It was a wet and a wind. Fireball. Well, when the winds are just right. Right. He's just like, nobody said that. You know why? He couldn't handle the gravity of the two things. Yeah. Him being set on fire Yeah. Which was painful to him and his town burning down. Yeah. He couldn't remove himself from either of those and enjoy the hilarity. He just didn't he just not a go along with her Right. Joke. He's not a yes and guy. I know, Carolla. I really don't like that one. You know? You know, it really hurts me personally, and, you know, there's a thing there. You know, I'm not gonna like that. I'm not gonna laugh at that joke. But, you know, Johnny Carson would've loved it. Oh, he would've loved it. Johnny Carson would've said, now that's some good s**t. He, That is some good wild wacky stuff out there. Can't remember if you do a Seinfeld. What do you mean you don't remember? What do you mean? I do two Seinfelds because I do. You do too? Well, there's serious Jerry who speaks very arrogantly Oh. And very slowly. And then there's yelling Jerry, what are you doing? There's serious Jerry. When there's also serious Jerry Lewis, which none of your none of your fans under 70 will know. But the you know, when Dean and I Yeah. And he got very serious about comedy and about the relationship. And then it was high. You know? So there's two Jerry's Jerry's. There's four Jerry's. Four Jerry's. Two guys. We got quad Jerrys. Holy Christ. Yeah. But what about Jerry? Why'd you bring it up? Oh. Today at Centerparks, I didn't multitask. I saw the gleeful look on my teenager's face as she conquered the zip wire. Today, I didn't juggle meetings and packed lunches. I helped my little boy paint a cute squirrel pot. Today, I didn't stress about a work deadline. I swam underwater aquajeting with my 10 year old. Life moves too fast. Precious moments last longer on a short break at Centreparks. Cherish every moment. I do well, first off, there's the video where Jerry Lewis was being a complete douchebag to the guy who's trying to interview him. There's only one. And he did that one, and then he died. So it's like, don't do that No. To to your legacy. Being nice to you today. Yeah. Yeah. Because what? You don't wanna be a douche and then you die. I don't know what's gonna happen on the one zero one on my way home. Right. Yeah. And then Seinfeld I was telling the story that Seinfeld's a big Porsche guy. Mhmm. Huge Porsche guy. I think he has, like, 50 of them. He has a lot of them. He sells them on occasion. He just tried to sell his 09/17 Porsche Steve McQueen Le Mans, not 1969. They got to, like, $25,000,000 at the auction. He didn't take it. Nobody knows. I I can't figure out we no one can figure out whether some occasionally, with auctions, things are a little, they can be a little under the table or a little there can be the hint of foul play or something. Well, you know, Democrat with the paddle. Right. But you don't see half the bidders. They're on the phone. They're on the Internet. You don't see them. Sometimes the auction house will bid up the thing Mhmm. To the point where they want it and then see if anybody jumps in after that. We don't know what happened, but the point is this. Well, I thought the reserve wasn't met, like, the the level. They don't they you you would assume it didn't meet the reserve, which is the minimum money that Seinfeld would take for the $9.17. That's the reserve. But they don't tell you what the reserve is. But I will tell you that if it legitimately gets to $25,000,000 organically Yeah. You know, and some guy bids $25,000,000 and it's a no sale, when the auction is finished, the dude who did 25,000,000, Seinfeld, and the auction guy go meet in the back. Oh, I never thought of that. And they go meet in the back, and they go look. Up the middleman. Well It's like when you do your your Uber driver. No. They don't. You want just a hundred bucks a minute. This isn't that. They this is not cutting out the middleman. This is the auction guy Oh. And Seinfeld and the paddle guy. Oh. And then they go to the back and they sit down and they go, look. You obviously you you want the car. You you you raise your paddle at 25,000,000. And then with the premium, 10% or whatever, it's another 2,500,000.0 we're tacking on this thing. So we're $27.05. Mhmm. Now, Jerry, you wanted 30 for it, but can we 30. Can we Totally three more. But listen. Do the math. So what the auction house will do is go, look. You got 2.7 worth of commission on this. Right. How about we knock seven off of that? We'll get to 2. Now you're at 27. Jerry, you're still at 30. Maybe we could meet it meet at $28.05, and we'll reduce our whatever. Jerry, you know How do you know this happens? Got go to auction, been auctions, and it couldn't not happen. If you think about it, you go, how could it happen where there's a guy who goes, I'll give you $25,000,000 for the car and you go, f**k off. I went to thirty. Alright. See you later. The guy runs the auction is gonna run out and grab that guy and go Just to get the commissions. Yeah. Yeah. Well, when he walks out the door, they got zero. Right. Right now. Saying I didn't even know this. Are you saying that if someone puts a bid at a certain number and no one raises their paddle to that number, the auction stops? I thought they just take that number, and it's just below what they wanted. I didn't know about this hole. You may offer your car with no reserve. And that means Yeah. I didn't know this. Eighty nine Chevy Blazer. Thank you. I do a little bit better than that. Okay. Okay. Ninety one Chevy Blazer. You're 91. That means that while Blue Book may say it's worth $6,300, this thing could stall out at $1,500, and someone's gonna take your car that's worth $6 for 1,500 if it but what you would probably do is you would go $5 is my minimum. Like, that's the reserve because I can't there's guys selling $2,000,000 cars. There's a chance someone gets it for $800 Mhmm. And you are a buck. So they they'll set the reserve. Now the auction house will argue with you over the reserve. They'll go, come on. Ninety one Chevy Blazer over a hundred thousand miles on a $5? That's come on. Let's let's do 3,500 on the because they wanna make the sale, and you wanna keep it high and so on and so forth. But yes. There must be an appraiser for these items, though. Yeah. The auction house has appraisers, and they they're not always spot on because who who knows what Jerry Seinfeld's nine seventeen from the movie LaMotte Right. That Steve McQueen It's like production company owned in 1969. That's a one of one. Right. So there is no comps. So is this a real story? This is a real story, and I don't know what happened to that car. Do we have footage of any of this? We can look it up. Oh, there's footage of it. It's fascinating. But I will say this as well. I went to Rennsport, RE, and and the biggest Mhmm. Porsche gathering in the world or whatever. It's at was in Monterey, and and entered my had my Porsche nine thirty five there, which Paul Newman drove at Le Mans. It's another another car of the story. I drove it there three, four years earlier and won the Wyshak Cup or the trophy or whatever. It's in the next room. Ma'am, I just ask you to throw a little carnauba wax on that black plaque after the after show. Yeah. But, I said to Seinfeld when we're standing in the Porsche Pavilion, and I'm staring at all his cars that he had brought out there. I said, Jerry, my September that went Le Mans with Paul Newman is right over here underneath. They built a gazebo for it. They built it. They built a gazebo for the car. It's over that way. Yeah. That's the car, but it's that's not from that thing. But I said, I said, Jerry, my nine thirty five is about a hundred feet behind us, over here in this gazebo if you wanna check it out. And he was like, I'm good. Really? Yeah. I go, who's that about? I go, yeah. But seriously, you wanna go check it out? And he's like, not really. And I was like, do you it's right over here. It's a it's a nine thirty five, the one You love Porsches. We are here at Rentspark. We're in the infield of Laguna Seca Right. With 500 Porsches because you wanna see Porsches. Right. He's like, alright. That's so because that's arrogant cherry. That's arrogant cherry. That'd be like And then it was I mean, he it was like going to a strip club, and this girl sitting next to you go, you wanna see my tits? Let's just walk over there and look at my tits. Just short of be want to see your tits. To be fair Yeah. He said, you know, people would always gather, you know, but autograph you know, people would just say hi. But you're not people. I it no. No. Fellow person. If we went over there, Jerry, then people would gather around. Okay. Fine. But they're gathered around us here. We're still in the middle of the f**king rent squad here. Be a gathering. Then he went on a he then he went on a, a podcast. I think, Spike Farrisons, maybe. And he he gave the most Jerry answer ever. It's like, what do I need to see a nine thirty five for? What's with the nine thirty? It's like which you can do about anything ever, any subject, anytime. And it's like, I What I need is Right. But, Jerry, you're at Rennsport. Right. We're in the interested in this. And we're standing next to three of your Porsches. Right. So I don't know. What do you need? Yeah. If I took my mom from North Hollywood and dropped her in the middle of Rent Sport, she'd be like, what are we doing here? I wanna go home and watch Let's get a sandwich. I wanna get a sandwich. But but we're here. And you're here. And you're here because you worship Porsche, and I have one of the most exotic Porsches on the planet. Walk there. I'm here. I like it here. I don't know how it is over there. We have it. We have bed there. We have them explaining. We're just Oh, really? Oh my god. I hear this. It's it's it's it's precious. It's it's good stuff. Yeah. I talked with Adam Carolla Oh, yeah. Who wanted me to see his, Paul Newman nine thirty five, but it was so many people around, and there was so much, you know, interaction going on. It was kinda difficult for me to maneuver. And he kept pushing me. You've got to see my nine thirty five. I go, why? Why do I have to see it? What will happen in your mind that will be so great? Will it be me going, wow. Cool car. And then what? Hold on. Pause. It's very Tom Papa y too. I mean, I'm like alright. So let's examine. What is gonna go on if I see your car? Right. f**king nothing. I don't know where what is going on now. We're looking at everyone else's cars. Right. So what do you mean what's gonna go on? And then I don't need to see another Porsche. Another Porsche. Porsche. I don't need to see it. I don't wanna see it. But check well, they're on they are on the you know, Tom opens for him, so they pick up the cadences. But This is a crazy thing. Played a little more. Hold on. I'm gonna turn turn the air on it here because I'm a cool beat. He makes you the bad guy in this story. It's insane. It's insane. Beat thoughts. I'm just glad that, you're not bitter about it. Adam from this fight. I think it's fine. And now you patch things up with old Jerry Saipo. It's always fun to be talked about. You know? And it's like but except when you're the butt of the joke, when you're the butt Seinfeld would apologize to Adam. Because he didn't see it as he doesn't see this as bad. I don't He's doing a bit. He's using a bit. I don't no. I I do not care. Right. I I really don't. My I was insistent because For him, not for you. Well, I was going Yeah. The car's right here. And he's like, yeah. Well, we're good for now. You know? And I was like, so ten minutes would go by and I'd go, but you really wanna see we're gonna see the car. Right? And he's like, no. You know? And then twenty minutes would go by and I'd go, okay. And we were hanging out. And I go Right. But now maybe we'll go see the car. And he's like, no. I'm good. And I was like it was like we were standing in front of a movie theater, and the biggest blockbuster in the world was inside the theater. And I was just standing up front going, but you wanna go in. Right? And he said, yeah. No. I'll stay in here. And I said, okay. That's funny. I'll get some popcorn. I'll be but you're going in. Right? He said, oh, just want some popcorn. It's like, play it again. It's funny. And then he has an answer, which is equally as insane because the the Spike I think Spike, who I like Nice guy. Funny guy. Does the problem with everybody the problem with politicians too with everyone. Is look. I don't care. I don't look. Look. Jimmy Kimmel hosts the Oscars, makes a lot of money, and has a successful show and makes a lot more money than I do and could probably do stuff for me. But if Jimmy Kimmel was telling this story, I'd go, are you f**king nuts, Jimmy? Go see the f**king car. This is 100% on you. This isn't on the other guy. What the f**k are you doing? That's insane. Like, I would just say that Mhmm. To the person. The problem with Seinfeld is, like, you don't really wanna push him that hard, but you might kinda go like, Spike goes, well, you have a nine thirty five, Jerry. What okay. Well, listen to it. It's it's funny. You can start at the time. Wanna prod the king. That's the problem. I would prod the king Right. If I was friends with with him. Spike should've. Yeah. I talked with Adam Carolla Oh, yeah. Who wanted me to see his, Paul Newman nine thirty five, but it was so many people around. And there was so much, you know, interaction going on. It was difficult for me to maneuver, and he kept pushing me. You've been seeing Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. There's always people around. We were not in his trailer, his air conditioned trailer, you know, enjoying Sam Adams and and me going, you wanna come out and see because he's got it's too got it. We were standing in the middle of the Porsche pavilion Yeah. With people surrounding us. Now I get you you start moving and people start gravitating, like, but we're already there, and we're standing in the middle of it. Mhmm. Okay. Go ahead. Sorry. Continue. By the way, can I go back one second? Can I go back to the strip club analogy? Please. Can you keep your shirt on? There's people there's people to my left, people to my right. I don't wanna say it to tits. Yeah. It's crazy. You can find a picture of that car at the it was they gave it a pagoda. They they they gave it a pavilion. They gave it its own That's how special it was. Space. And you would think for him, it would be in his best interest to look at the car. He You've seen the car. Seinfeld was right at this time. It's literally a week before this time, the owner of the first Porsche nine thirty five race car, the test car. Like, it was a historic car. He sold it ten minutes before this conversation, but he owned a nine thirty. You could walk from here to New Jersey, and you could go into every mall and every bookstore and every university, and you could ask every human being that you came upon, do you own a nine thirty five? And the answer would be no to every human being between here and New Jersey if you stopped everywhere and poked your head in. If you poked your head into Porsche dealerships and ask every person who worked there and every mechanic, do you own a Porsche nine? The answer would be no. So there's only two guys in that entire place that own a nine thirty five, and they're both comedians. Right. Alright. We'll play it. We'll play it again. Sorry. Maneuver, and he kept pushing me. You've got to see my nine thirty five. I go, why? Why do I have to see it? What will happen in your mind that will be so great? Will it be me going, wow, cool car, and then what? Then nothing. It's a big winter boot kingdom. So you said, I'll just say it now. It's cool. The winter boot of reality. You'll say, I'll say it now. Yeah. Nice car. It's a nice car. Yeah. Great. You're great. But it is weird. Isn't it kinda cool to meet another guy with a nine thirty five? Look. Right over there, there's a nine thirty five. I don't own that car anymore. You don't? No. That car has been sold sold. That was the one out at Gooding. Right? That's right. I won't even look at them. To, Alright. So he owns a nine thirty five, the premier nine thirty five for twenty years or ten years or something, sells it six days earlier. And then his answer is, I don't wanna see a nine thirty five. Well, you have a nine thirty. No. I don't. Sold it. Mhmm. Hey. Back to you. That hurt me to hear that. Yeah. Was he some huge titties? Your wife has huge titties. No. We got divorced. Yeah. I don't know. Unless you consent. Had him for twenty years. Plus there's people around. The whole time. You're not. The whole thing You think he misses 09:35? Yeah. I'm gonna I yeah. That's nostalgia for him. How about Paul Newman? That's a cool thing too. Listen. Here's the answer. I don't care. I'm always amused. I'm almost never offended. Right. So I don't care. I just think it's it's the process is kind of nuts. Right? Too cool, hip, and funny to be the butt of another comedian's joke. You understand? That's the problem. Really the I'm not kidding. That's really what's what's at play here. The psychology. Because I put myself in that, I'm like, if Jerry's ragging on me, I thought he liked me. You know? He respects our comedy. Mhmm. So we shouldn't be the way he's talking about you. Right. It shouldn't be us. Right. It should be other people. It should be other people. Maybe if you if you said, and Paul Newman's in the trunk. So maybe then he'd be like, oh, this I wanna see. Well, I would call it the boot because it's a rear engine car, and he'd be upfront. And by the way, of the two of you calling one pushy, I'm just saying maybe Seinfeld would be the pushier one. I'm just What? No. I'm just I'm just propagating stereotypes again. He had brought, like, three of his Porsches that had just been finished. Right. And so we were observing all of his cars. And so I said, in turn, we can observe one of my cars, which is 85 feet from here. Hey. You know what? You're missing something else. The whole thing is a non story and not worthy of airtime on a podcast. This is what we're doing, the recap of where they this is worthy. I'm not joking. That's not a worthy story. Well, can I tell you this? Your name isn't big enough to drop to make that story worthy, though. Now I wanna I wanna say See, I pop them up, and I bring them down. I bring them right back down. I wanna say this. When people get to a certain level, there's a kind of a grandiosity. Yeah. And then the grandiosity is they don't know what they sound like in the story. Mhmm. You know? Like, so the person when you get to a certain level, they go, so I go into this restaurant, and I'm sitting there and, you know, I'm sitting down in a booth, and I bring my dog. And I put the dog up on the table, you know, and we're I'm eating, and I'm giving the dog some of the food. And the manager comes by, and he's like, hey. Some people have allergies. You can't have the guy confronts me about the dog on the table at the steak at the steakhouse. He doesn't realize he's the dick in the story. Dick in the story. Of the story. When you're grandiose, you tell these stories. You're like Zsa Zsa Gabor slapping a cop. You know what I mean? You're like the cop pulls her over and goes, you're speeding, and she's like, what the f**k? I just smacks him because it's like, how can I speed? I'm Josh York Kapoor. You're f**king make $37,000 a year. I'm f**king Josh York Kapoor. So she smacks him. Right? Poor people don't do that. Poor people are like, don't shoot me. I'll I'll get my light I'll give you my registration. When you get to a certain level of Correct. You know who tells those stories? Howard Stern tells us, sir. Howard Stern tells stories like, oh, god. Producer Gary got me a Christmas gift. Jesus Christ. May I may I may I do it? Going yeah. Go ahead. Well, this is very exciting, Robin. Let me tell you something. You know, it was just Christmas, and, Baba Booey, this dope Gary, gets me a Christmas gift, Robin. Now I open it up, and it's a 12 pack of Dove soap. Dove soap. Yeah. Now what it his beef Yeah. Gary brought the gift to the studio. What was the gift? I I have no idea, but Howard did an hour on what a dick Gary was for bringing it to the studio because he don't have to bring it home. Oh, no. I just let go of it. Know what you sound like when you do this. You know? Great. You sound ungrateful. Or he'll or he'll or he'll do you know, Edgar Winter wants to have him induct him into the rock and roll hall of fame, and he does twenty minutes on, like, what an insane hassle it is. I'm like, wow. Why would you talk to me about this stuff? And it's like, oh, no. You sound Edgar Winter doesn't sound like a douche, and neither does Gary. Right. You sound like a douche. Right. And in this equation, Seinfeld sounds like a douche. But when you've been living in rarefied douche air for as long as they have, they don't realize what they sound like. Correct. Like Zsa Zsa Gabor slapping the cop. She stinks it's his problem. One of my favorite Sarah Silverman jokes the punch line is, well, you can't smell yourself. Right. When you're at Seinfeld level, you can't hear yourself in that with with that perspective. Am I being the douche of the story? He volunteers a story that makes him sound wildly unreasonable Correct. And and a douche and tells it as if he's the victim. Victim and you're the douche. Right. Wild. Reminds me of the Israel Palestine conflict. But, anyway, we should all get to that level. I'm on Israel's side for the record for those who were wondering. We should all get to the point Yeah. Where I could do twenty minutes on Dawson bringing a gift for me to the studio instead of sending it to my house. And then I could do twenty minutes on Seinfeld asking me to look at one of his Porsches. We should we should all get to that point. In Seinfeld's defense, and I think it was abhorrent. That's And by the way, I like Seinfeld and I like Howard as well. Love it. No problem. But you have to realize what you sound like. You have to realize what but in his defense Mhmm. All we have to do is spend twelve minutes looking back at tape of this show. And even at your level, we will find stories where you have done similar things. Now I don't can you guys look up some stuff quickly? There's no doubt you have done similar because you're a host and because you're always trying to be entertaining. Again, he was just trying to do a bit. He was trying to do a bit where he's the victim. You're the bad guy. But, you know Yeah. Now I've done this. So So that's all I'm saying. I'm gonna end by saying, yeah. Jerry does it. Howard, so do you. And I probably so do I at my level. Imagine my low level if I'm hosting a show. I'll be a good guess. I probably have done that. It's the story. You Google Elon Bolt being a douche. And let's see how many hours of footage come up. Do you know what I get? It's ad luck. I understand. It's a story, but what I'm saying is is when we were talking earlier, I was talking I was talking to Jay Moore earlier and Who I started with, who used to open with for me, who who I got his first agent. Oh, really? Yeah. No. We started together. Barry Katz was our manager. Oh, he got some Barry Katz too. By the way, I've said this to Jane. I'll say it right now on the air. Everybody says that I do the best Barry Katz ever. In fact, Dave Chappelle and Neil Brennan asked me to do Barry Katz on Chappelle's show. But I will say right here that nobody does a better Berry than Jay. Yeah. Yeah. It's unbelievable. It's a great Berry Katz. Yeah. I do and just like your Tom Papa, nobody cares. But it is funny when people go real deep. Yeah. Like, the James baby doll Dixon is my agent. Mhmm. Okay. James. Yeah. James Dixon Yeah. And the god. You can do a Dixon? I can't do a Dixon, but in the show, the state, I think. I'm trying to think of the sketch show. I think it was the state. They did Dixon Wow. A Dixon character as a as a as a manager or an agent in but for high schoolers. That's funny. And it's funny and it's funny to me and and and, Kimmel and Right. Jon Stewart because he's our agent. But I don't know how it's playing. I'll tell you why it's playing well. It it's like what Dana Carvey said about the church lady. Nobody he was doing character. Nobody knew this woman. Yeah. Right. Because he said impression characters are impressions of people you know, but the audience doesn't know. Ah. But they're still funny. When I did Barry Katz on Chappelle Show, he was the manager of this comedy club. Mhmm. And he you know, not the stairs, man. He was in a wheelchair. Right. Dave, you're gonna be the and and then he pushes me down the stairs. People are going, that's just a weird character. Right. Now on another level, you and I and other comedians can appreciate it and go, oh, he's doing Barry. That's amazing. Right. So nobody has to know who you're doing. James Dixon's super agent on the state It's crazy. Or something like that. Yeah. It's the funniest, especially if you know Like, I do new thing in my act where I do and I go anyone could do, like, a Trump or a famous I love to do impressions of people nobody knows. Like, a lot of my friends' dads. You know? Oh, right. Right. Do all of my friends' dads. You should open for Tom Papa as Tom Papa. I would watch the s**t out of that. Yeah. That'll be great. But don't tell Tom prosthetics. Can we listen one more time? Can we just read it one more time? Tom Papa. This has never been done. This is like No. One of those again, it's a Halley's Comet of Impressions. Anyone could do a Jim from Taxi. The hell But who does a Papa? Here we go. Figured out how to do Tom Papa. Figured it out. You have to talk condescending and a little gay. It's a little gay. Gotta be repetitive. Wait. Let's see how I end this. I think I say r****ded. Is that okay? Repetitive. Mhmm. That's it. That's the whole thing. You just gotta keep doing this. And a little Seinfeld y. A little Seinfeld d. Seinfeld d. Seinfeld d. Seinfeld d. You're saying that Chris Rock did not send you an edible arrangeable after this. I thought at very least the bouquet of some sort. Yeah. And instead, I'll I'll read it to you. And it was weird. He's whatever. He'll probably never talk to you again. But is the problem with pretty good Congrats. But maybe he mentioned. Maybe he meant Yeah. Yeah. And then even then the back and forth was, well, I don't like to make fun of people, especially, like, on record. And I go, wasn't making fun? I'm great. Emulating. Yeah. It was like, hey. I found a new impression of one of our friends that we do. You know? I don't like making fun of people. It's a weird thing. Yeah. For the person who's like, I'm just a guy that tells jokes on stage. I tell jokes on stage. The Slob Shane Stade. On stage. On stage. I tell him on stage. We have, we have James And we tell him on stage. And when we're on stage, you look at the people volleyball. At the volleyball, it hits you right in the face. Alright. We have James Dixon's super oh, I see that. Agent. I think it is. I really didn't think it mattered who your high school guidance counselor was. Oh, guidance counselor. That was before I met James. Yeah. Yeah. He's the best of it. Most people live under the misconception that high school is supposed to take four years. Right? I've gotten kids out in two. I got one kid out in a semester. You know, it's all about finesse. Gleason the weebie. I'm not the problem. No. No. No. No. You listen to me, coach. You listen to me. I've got a note here signed by two medical doctors that says that Bobby is allergic to chlorine. If you put him in a pool, it'll kill him. Let's see if he calls my bluff. I, I've been with all the biggest talent agencies. I was with the William Morris Agency. I was with, ICM. I was with the creative artist agency, and now I'm here at Westbury High. I asked James if he would write my term paper, and he didn't do it, but he got the guy who wrote witness to do it. I got an a. 70% of the kids I represent go on to the Ivy League, and these are b minus, c plus kids with little or no extracurricular activities. Some with criminal records. You know, nothing bad. Nobody killed anybody or anything. You know? Actually, that's not true because I've been expelled for knife and a teacher. James couldn't get me back into school, but he sold my story to Paramount, so now I'm set for life. And if you think the French is gonna prove his pole vaulting, I just wanna know one thing. Where do you get your crack? But if you scratch my back, I scratch yours. One hand washes the other. Look, you can tell the Massachusetts Institute of Technology to kiss my a*s. Look, you ruined my melon. Bottom line, at the end of the day, it's not about the money, and it's not about me. It's about the kids. The kids whose last names start with a through m. Arensberg through Menendez. See, that's the thing. Funny is funny. Funny. The sketch was funny. The idea is funny. The character's funny. I don't have to know who James Dixon is. James Dixon told me once he yelled at a guy, like like, made an offer for me to do something, he yelled at him, Adam Carolla doesn't roll over in bed for less than $50. Oh. That's a good that's that character yelling at a guy in a phone that I don't roll over in bed That's great. For under $50. It's all levels. So when you know him personally, I do a bit in my act just when I play for, like, Jews, fellow Jews, and I do a bit called religious Rodney. So it's Rodney Dangerfield, who's a Jewish comedian, but never talked about being Jewish. Never Mhmm. Wasn't religious at all. So imagine if he was. Mhmm. So then the jokes so the jokes are jokes like, I tell you it's rough. You know? The holidays were rough too. I tell you the holidays were tough. The last year, the bank foreclosed on our sukkah. Now you don't know what a sukkah is. Right? It's a little hut in the holiday of Sukkot. But so you so the Jews who know about Sukkot will get that on another level, but it's still, like, funny. No. I I also I had a Hungarian grandfather who was Jewish Really? On that side. Nobody's Okay. Fine. We we we we got so excited for a minute. Sides. Okay. Fine. We didn't have real grandparents or parents or stuff like that at the Carolla house. I understand. We had steps and stuff. You know? Steps and stuff. I had a stepdad. I had a stepmom. I had a step grandfather. I did not know so both biological grandfathers, I did not know either either one of them. But my mean grandmother, Helen, married a Hungarian Jew named Laszlo. Mhmm. And, we called him Lazi. And he was from Hungary, and he's very Jewish. Right. And so he would sit down and tell me all the stories and do holiday things. You know about Pesach. Yeah. Yeah. I know about the saviors. You know, he and he was also he was a Jew, so he liked to talk a lot because they're loquacious, you know Oh, yeah. People. Yeah. It's funny. It's like there's there was one, like, very rare like, here's how you know Jews like to talk. There are not a lot of Jewish porn stars. Ron Jeremy was, like, the only Jewish porn star. He would talk your f**king ear off. Right. Peter North wouldn't say a word Right. Ever. Ron Jeremy was just like I it was like he he and it's also he also knows is if you go to a wedding and the Jews marrying the goyim and they go, we're gonna do both sides. The Catholic guy wraps it up in, like, four minutes. The Jewish guy's doing fifteen minutes to stand up at the top of the thing. At least The rabbi Yep. Is turned into Jackie Mason. Right. Was a rabbi. So To tell you the truth, it makes me nauseous that the two of you are standing up here and they're doing and you're about to get married when you know that fifty percent of marriages end of divorce. This is a nauseating fact of life. And yet you're sitting here and you're saying to each other that still sickness and in health, he'll duck to a spot. This is a disgusting nauseating that's every rabbi up there in the in the in the. And they're doing I mean, they're they're they're they're presiding over the marriage, but at some point, you realize they're doing stand up. Right. And stand up. The Catholic guy is just, like, wound tight and got his spectacles on. And he's right. Tight screw. Then you realize, oh, those people like they like jokes. They like to talk. They like whatever. My my grandfather would sit around all day. This is on your sir Rodney Dangerfield thing, and he'd go he'd sit and invent Jewish food, deli food if it was mixed with Mexican food. And I'd show up, like, a week later, and he'd I'd sit down and he'd he'd go, the enchilada. Go, yeah. Write that down. I got it. I got a list. I got a list of, like, 13 things. Oh, wow. Now he there's nothing to do with them. He just that's what he did. He liked to talk. He thought it was funny, clever phrase, turn of phrase. You know what I mean? But it is yeah. Again, it's just another oh, you wanna hear one of my favorites of the Rodney's? Yes. Tell you, no. Halloween came around. We couldn't afford costumes. You kidding me? My my grandmother, she strapped her brassiere to my face and said, look. Now you're a fly. Anyway, here's the point. Any impression that people don't know or any reference that people don't know is still funny because of cadences and rhythms and ideas. And then you go on another level, oh, it's extra funny. Every cartoon you watch growing up, the voice of the character was like Humphrey Bogart or something, but you were seven. Correct. But you didn't know who Humphrey Bogart was. Jackie Mason did the anteater. Yeah. Although the Aardvark and the anteater, but then he didn't do it, but then he sued them. And I don't remember what it was. It's also offensive because of the huge schnoz on the anteater. This is another crazy relatable Chris Rock story, who, by the way, again, I consider a pallet. I've hung with him backstage at all. It's, like, arena things with a good friend of mine, Tony Rock, his brothers. We go together, and we all hang out. Tony. Tony's the best and hilarious in his own right. And, like, you know so just imagine this. So I I did, again, love him, admire him, all that. But, you know, I guess just human beings have issues with other human beings. So I do an impression of Gene Wilder. This is, by the way, ten years ago. Okay? Gene Wilder was still alive. Yeah. He was a classic guy. Like, he was Everything. Everything. And I'm on stage and go, are you crazy? Are you nuts? You know, and I'm doing it as part of a whole other bit. And then Rock comes over to me after he goes, what are you doing Gene Wilder for? And I go I go he goes, you're a hint. Like, don't, like, stay hip. Don't do and I go, wait a minute. Like, the person that I grew up admiring was Billy Crystal. Billy Crystal used to do a Edward g Robinson impression. Where is your mouse is now? I didn't know who that was from the fifties. Mhmm. But I still said, well, he's just doing a funny voice, and it's a funny premise, and it's funny, punchline, so I'm enjoying it. And he goes, Billy Crystal was is 90. Billy Chris you wanna be 90? You wanna be and I'm like, no. But I I still think it's a classic. Meanwhile and I kicked myself in the car on the way home, not using the perfect example, because who he admired and me, like, literally top three growing up was Eddie Murphy. We all in the eighties, kids who grew up in the eighties worshiped Eddie. And Eddie did the honeymooners as his signature bit from the fifties. Yeah. Right. The honeymooners. And he would do all these old impressions and, you know, and Stevie. What whatever. Like, it it was impressions from when he was growing up. It's okay to do that. Well, let's let's just say this, whether it's James Baby Doll Dixon in a sketch on MTV for the state Or Barry Katz on Chappelle Show. Or I just realized I on occasion, and not that often, but on occasion when I do stand up, I'll do a John Wayne Bobbit joke. Now that story's 25 years old. Mhmm. Oh, 30 years old at least. So you go, well, that's a super old reference. You know? But then I have different angles on it that are New angles? New angles on it that I do, and the audience likes it because they go, oh, yeah. We know yeah. I remember that name. And I go, alright. Now think about this. And then we go off in a different direction. You know? And Everybody loves a cold case, but not a cold joke. Yeah. And I But it's been cold for years, this joke. But sometimes I find a new angle. Yes. I think, okay. That's it. I'll I'll do that, and I gotta, you know, I gotta Kamala Harris one too. You know? So the point is is as long as you set it up and you go, here's what I'm doing and you remember this Exactly. Then you're fine. I did Johnny Carson and Zelensky. You understand? I'm relevant to Andals' old school. What is your take on it? Am I allowed to do a Gene Wilder? Are you on Rock's side or my side? What's your take on this? While Gene died of dementia I'm talking about ten years ago. Before he got dementia. My thing is is Today at Centerparks, I didn't multitask. I saw the gleeful look on my teenager's face as she conquered the zip wire. Today, I didn't juggle meetings and packed lunches. I helped my little boy paint a cute squirrel pot. Today, I didn't stress about a work deadline. I swam underwater aqua jetting with my 10 year old. Life moves too fast. Precious moments last longer on a short break at Centreparks. Cherish every moment. You are allowed to do whatever you want. Thank you. The audience is allowed to like it or not like it. Correct. Somebody could stand up and yell, John Wayne Bobbitt got his dick cut off in 1992, you hack, and then leave. Right. They're allowed to do that. You know what I mean? Right. So everyone is allowed to do everything. I I have jokes that I sometimes know they don't they might not like or they're not I'm gonna have to explain to them, like, what this disease is or what this means or whatever. And then we're allowed to. And we shouldn't want it any other way because what if there were a whole bunch of rules to doing stand up? Then everyone would start getting funneled into, the, like, the same middle lane. Correct. And then there wouldn't be a Tom Papa versus a Chris Rock Right. Versus Seinfeld. Cut to on the next Spike Feuerstein show. Here's Jerry Seinfeld. And then Adam Carolla brings up Bobbit. You don't bring up Bobbit. It's thirty years ago. I saw Bobbit. I don't wanna see Bobbit. Plus, there's people around. What about other people? What if Poppin Poppin' Bobbit? When we turn to one guy? Bob it. Bob it. Bob it. I guess to put a button on this, Jerry was on Spike's podcast yesterday. Uh-oh. Mm-mm. And he said he sold the car Oh. To a private collector You found that? Yeah. Actually, just in the news today Wow. From Road and Track magazine. What it say? When asked about the auction, Jerry said and, Alon, you can do this much better, but I am a carefree guy. You know? Whatever happens, happens. He said he didn't watch Hold on. The auction. Does he hold on a second. Does he sound footloose and fancy free when I'm telling him to walk 80 yards to look at a nine thirty five? That doesn't sound carefree. It feels encumbered to me, but go ahead. Go ahead, sir. So he admits he never even bothered to watch the auction. He said I'm a carefree guy. You know, whatever happens. Hold on. Hold on. I'm a carefree guy. Just say he used it. Hold on. Hold on. First off, you got a car that you're thinking is going between 25 and 30,000,000 at auction. And that auction took place at about, I don't know, two in the afternoon or one in the afternoon. I watch it out here. It was in Kissimmee, Florida, Kissimmee or whatever we're calling it. Mhmm. But, the point is is I watch on my phone in the shop back there on a Saturday. Hard to you can live stream it. They'll live stream the auction. The point is is, I mean, just you you go to the website, hit it hit live, and you're watching it on your phone. Seinfeld said he used the auction as an advertising tool for the car. Okay. That makes sense. People were doubtful that it could reach 25,000,000, but Meekum and and Seinfeld thought that it would But hold on. Meekum and that whole thing. Market it. Hold on. So you got a phone in your pocket. You're at Martha's Vineyard. And at eleven in the morning, your 25 to $30,000,000 car is going live on your phone. And you don't touch You don't hit the button and look at it just to see where it's going? I can't find him explicitly saying this, but he did not intend to sell that car at auction. Oh, well, let's figure it out. Now look. I will there is a thing. There's a thing where the quarterback drives you down in the Super Bowl to the 31 yard line, and there's two seconds left on the clock, and you guys are down by two points, and the field goal team goes out there. There's a human thing where the quarterback turns his back. Mhmm. Like, it goes, I can't watch. Yeah. Now most people are most of the team is watching, but there'll be two or three guys just down, like, going the other way. Just going, I cannot watch. Like, you're never gonna find out. You know what I mean? Like, when you're gonna leave the stadium, still not know whether you got that Lombardi or not. But alright. But the point is, I get there is the I'm nervous I can't watch this thing, but that's not carefree. No. And that's not set for life financially. I feel like you would. But I'm sorry. Carefree. It's not carefree. It's care expensive. It's expensive. On the podcast, Seinfeld explains that explains that with high end items like this, a lot of times, serious buyers don't wanna buy in the frenzy frenzy of an auction setting. So we met with Dana Meacom, president and founder, and they devised the plan. Put it up for auction. Don't sell it. It was advertising. Well Unless, of course, they got 30,000,000 then Well, wait a second. Sure he got more than 25 from a private collector. Well so they use it for advertising. That's true. When you give you know, it it's like when you take an auction that deals with hundred thousand dollar cars and maybe a million dollar car, whatever, from Joe Blow, and then Seinfeld brings a $25,000,000 car, They advertise the s**t out, and they push it everywhere, and it gets tons of eyeballs and clicks and whatever. It's like it's like if saying if Chris Rock was gonna play the deli smoker in Sherman Oaks or something, they wouldn't keep it close to the vest. They'd shove it out there. Like, guess who's coming to our little place? There is that, but, also, there is the part that I talked about, which is the guy and Dana Meekum and Seinfeld get together and work it out, but it's still a little I told you this thing had a little Vaseline on the lens. Right? It wasn't exactly hey. I'm bringing a car, taking the auction, maybe the last man win. As far as the sale price goes, Seinfeld is just saying that it is in the 25,000,000 range. Alright. Okay. So that's what that car is worth. I'll tell you. I went to the Meekum auction in Kissimmee, and I was standing backstage with Seinfeld. And they said, you wanna check out the nine seventeen? I said, I'm good. It's a true story. Did that happen? They said it again, and I said, no. I said, I've seen the movie. But why? Why not go see it? Because there's people around? And then what? And then Stuff. And then what? And then what? Stuff. Oh. Yeah. I mean, look. Why be born? You know what I mean? You're born. Yeah. Stuff Stuff happens. Stuff Right. And then you die. Like, what are we talking about here? Really, people? And what? And then what? And then what? And then born. Oh, you have kids of your own. I get it. Okay. You graduate high school. I mean, you can invent what everything. I know. You can invent what everything. You know what you know what doesn't get in then what enough? Like, the the announcements of the plane from the for the safety announcements. Right. In the event of a water and then what? And then what? And then what? Yeah. Well, then you open up your life jacket. And then what? Can I get on the boat? And then what? Then what? We end up on an island with a skipper, Mary Anne. And then what? And then the Harlem Globetrotters come to play. But this was, this was an and then what not moment. It was not an and then what moment. It would be like, yeah. I'll go get to see the car. We knew the what the and then what was, and yet he asked it. That's the point. Condescending Also, you And then what? But but listen. If I said, I'm going to Comic Con because I'm the biggest Star Wars fan in the world, and I'm bringing some of my Star Wars memorabilia to Comic Con. And then what? And then I showed up, and somebody said, the guy who played Darth Vader standing on on the other side of the convention center. When I go, well, why do I wanna see that? Yeah. Like, I don't know. You're here. Once I see it, and then what? And then what? I don't know. Can I wait on episode b and then what? Then what? Alright. So it sold. And from the looks of the article, it was 25 or more. He said it's in the around 25,000,000. Let me get this exact quote. He says, do first day, okay. The comedian wouldn't comment on the final transactional price, but said it was in the $25,000,000 range. Mhmm. Yeah. Okay. I don't know. Now I wanna buy a nine seventeen and bring it to Rennesport and meet Seinfeld there and then try to convince him to come see it. But then he'd say he sold his, so it doesn't Don't you ever wonder if he's gonna hear this? No. I know Tom Papa will hear this. 17 people will send this to Tom Papa. But is one sending it to Rock or Jerry? Well, let me say this. I start when I started broadcasting, I realized very early that if you picture people you're talking about listening to you or just picture people listening to you, it will change the conversation Correct. Between 1080%. Like, it's a lot. Negative direction. Well, not necessarily be as free and authentic. Not necessarily negative. It just will not be the same conversation. And anyone who's gone okay. So when you go to dinner at your new girlfriend's house and and you're sitting there for Thanksgiving, it's a totally different conversation that we'd have watching football with the boys. But try this experiment. You go to a a diner, and it's you and your comedic buddy, whatever. They sit you down a booth. The worst ever is they get that dude who eats breakfast alone, and he just sits down next to you, and he's just sitting there alone the whole time. And now your conversation is ruined because you wanna go on these scatological rants and ribs. You wanna bring stuff up. You wanna get into Chris Rock and Jerry Seinfeld with douche bags out or whatever it is. Recommending to not think about them. It changes your conversation. And I'm in the business of not putting a governor on the conversation. Correct. And So when you think about Seinfeld or Rock or Papa Listen. Listening It's changed. Then it affects the conversation. But also, can I say this? Mhmm. I like everybody Mhmm. And don't have a beef with anybody. And all the people we're talking about are just fine. Thank you. They're just fine. Thank you. What people say. So I'm not worried about Seinfeld. Have his feelings hurt about this? I like Seinfeld. I like all these guys. Seinfeld made somebody's feelings clearly hurt. Alright. You know, we'll take a quick break. I think we should end the whole podcast. We really should well. But Carol Leifers out there. Okay. Fine. Oh, quick quick. So it's I'm done. No. No. Gonna get better. No. Not done. I don't think I'm gonna You're not done. Not done. Done. Hit with a volleyball. Say it three times. Hit with a volleyball. A volleyball. Hit with it. Well, Carol hasn't arrived yet. So we'll and I So we'll keep talking? Well I have a movie coming out. We can talk about that. Seinfeld, Elaine, is at is is is molded after Totally. Carol Leifer. And then she wrote on the show, so wrote for herself. We're all so full circle. Larry is hold on. Yeah. We gotta take a break. We just need a break. We'll do some news, and then Carol come in. We'll figure it out. Great. Alright. Him's hair. There you go. Ben, when you leave the house, you check your phone, you check your wallet, you check your key. How about your hair? How about your look? 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They also have details about local schools with test scores, state rankings, and student to teacher ratio. They even have an agent directory with the sales history of each agent. So when it comes to finding a home, not just a house, this is everything you need to know all in one place. Homes.com. Homes Com. We've done your homework. I have one rule at my house with my kids. No racial slurs out of their mouths. None ever. My kids aren't even allowed to use the word vinegar with the hard r. Oh, yeah. They gotta be like, hey, dad. Can you pass the vinegar? Elon Gold is on the Adam Carolla show. Elon's got a stand up special out, Elon Gold. Four of them, like, kids. Special. I don't let my kids say, Snickers. If they if Snickers is their favorite and then they I always teach them to be polite. I don't ever wanna hear them saying Snickers, please. Mhmm. You understand? Snickers, please. I don't want by the way, it's my son's eighteenth birthday today. My son is 18. Isn't it you're supposed to say, wow. You look amazing. You look amazing. And I have a 24 year old, and I have a daughter who's married now. Really? She got married. Jesus Christ. Last month, my daughter got I have a son-in-law. You know what the law is? I have to pay their rent. I don't know what the f**k happened to kids and rent, and I I have these conversations every day, which reminds me sound like an old a*****e. But, like, when you get divorced my kids are both 18. You get divorced, there's a lot of stuff go who's gonna take care of the kids? Like, who's gonna you gotta give them, like, an apartment building or something. Like, what about the kids? What about the kids? I go, I don't know. You can get a job. You can you can graduate high school. And then what? You can get a job, and then you go do something. I don't know. What do you mean? What what why is it incumbent upon me to set up kids for the rest of by the way, there's a whole table of, like, lawyers and ladies. They're just looking at you going, who's what are you what are these kids gonna do? Like, do They're gonna get old, and then they're gonna get a f**king job, or they're gonna be junkies. Right. I don't know. Right. But they'll f**king figure it out. I don't what am I supposed to do? Just work into my nineties so they can have half s**t because they don't feel like working? Like I don't think it's about you working for them to have stuff. I think that because I feel the parental pressure of setting them up. They need to be set up. My connections will help them with getting thing you know what I mean? People do that all the time. No. I get a listen. I'll you wanna do sports, I'll interview you. You know, Bill Simmons is a friend, and he can make he can make get you a job on his podcast. Okay. Exactly. Sorry, ma'am. News. Sorry. We got some news. A convicted double murderer is set to die by firing squad Good. In South Carolina on Friday. The first execution of its kind in The US in the last fifteen years. I don't get why we argue over firing squads all the time. Like, what and a way ago, we'll we'll do lethal injection, but then somebody's a conscientious objector, which should be a conscientious injector. And they go, I'm not I'm not gonna provide anything. I took a Hippocratic oath. And then then we go, well, the promise is it stops the breathing, but sometimes the guys choke and convulse on their own saliva. It's like, give the f**king firing squad then. How are you gonna miss this guy's melon head? Yeah. You're never gonna miss this guy's head. And you know what I would do? I would go listen. Well, give me a choice. Lethal injections off the table, electric chair, too big a draw. Can we push you off a building? Yeah. I'll give you a pistol and you can handle it like Hitler Yeah. If you like. Yeah. Or Machine gun. Yeah. Or well, the problem is at some point, they'll fire back at you if we give them a machine gun. Right. And we only need one bullet. No. You never get to the you never empty the whole cliff in your head. But, you can go out like Eva Braun and Hitler did. I'll give I'll give you a f**king cyanide. Like this? Yeah. Under the chin. I'll give you a cyanide cap. So you can you can do what Nazi generals did. You know? Like, or we'll do we'll shoot you and do the whatever. But why are we arguing all the time? Like, we has to be humane. I don't know. We I don't know about killing people humanely. Most people are killed or not killed humanely. Right. Whoever this guy killed Right. Was not given a lethal injection and have a priest standing by them. Right? Right. He f**king put a shiv in someone's liver. No. Two, he killed his ex girlfriend's parents. Mhmm. Yeah. Tied him up, then beat them with a baseball bat. That had to be great. If that's the way you go with your wife, like, this guy's beating you to death, It's it's in separate rooms. In separate rooms. But your last your last discussion with your wife while you're dying is gonna be an argument. I told you this guy was bad. I told you. Oh, you wouldn't listen. Wait. Heart of gold. Heart of gold, you said. You said, I'm happy. You said you wanted grandkid. Remember I told you I had this bat hold on. I'm being beat with a bat. Hold on a second. Okay. Hold on with the bat for one second. Remember that time? Carol brought him home, and I was like, I don't trust this guy. And you're like, I think he has kind eyes. Kind eyes. I'm being beaten to death for the bat by mister kind eyes over here. So alright. We'll just go into the great beyond with one last argument, but let's let it know for eternity who is right. Alright. Continue with the bat beating now, sir. Thank you. Only three inmates in The US have been executed by firing squad since 1976 with all of them taking place in Utah. What is the firing squad like? The methodology is, they three volunteers will fire out of three. A small opening in the, death chamber. Oh, really? Yeah. There he'd be strapped to a chair, have a hood placed over his head, and a target placed over his heart. I say they make him look at like over the heart. Oh. Yeah. You don't see the guy. Oh, interesting. Weak sauce. If you're, like, man enough to kill people, then you're man enough to die. Right. Yeah. Also, I also picture the guy who's who's, like, the tag along guy. Hey. We go into the to the gun club Sunday? Yeah. It's like a gun club. You just show up. Where it's going. It's right there. You see that? Just shoot above in that hole No. And then you don't know. I didn't know they did it that way. I was picturing, like, Tay bales out in the courtyard. You know? I'm surprised at the methodology too. The weird thing is that, you know, he was he requested the unusual punishment after fearing the lecture chair would burn and cook him alive. Mhmm. And then he heard previous three previous inmates took more than twenty minutes to die after receiving the fatal dose of phenobarbital. Ah, see. So he You know what's funny? He's he's fearful. Here's what's funny about weak. Here's what's funny about our society. Like, if this guy was facing the fire squad or or just put to death in California, they'd be like, we're gonna strap you to an electric chair. We're gonna give you the firing squad. And I go, okay. Any last request would be like, could I have a cigarette? No. No. Sorry. That's that's a little confusing. Yeah. That's a there's third hand smoke. They would literally outlaw smoking on the way to being executed with a firing squad in California. Correct. 100% would not allow smoking. There would be an issue if somebody wanted a cigarette Yep. Before they're put to death. And they would find a way. By the way, I was just in Israel, and you know how the the the the quintessential Israeli cab driver Mhmm. Just smokes. Like, could you imagine getting into an Uber? A guy smoking smokes cigarette after cigarette. The entire car is filled up. I'm asking him, like, can you open the window? What this? Right? And he goes, why why you want it open? I go, the smoke. He goes, smoke? It's good for you. And I'm like, no. It's not. He goes, what? Tell me what's good for you. And I go, I don't know. Like, vegetables, fruit. There's fruit. Fruit has a lot of sugar. You know what has zero sugar? Smoke. That really happened. When you see I I believe it. It's also weird when you go back and you see, like, old movies and stuff. Like, I was watching, Laurel oh, no. Not Laurel and Hardy. Sorry. I was watching Abbott and Costello and the Jack and the Beanstalk. I it came on TV. I don't know why, but it came on. And I just started watching it, like a movie from the forties to the fifties. And they get jobs as babysitters. And they come walking into this home, and they're walking in the home. They go, alright. We'll be back at eleven. I'll watch your child. And they go, alright. And the guy the the couple leaves. And and Costello or Abbott or whatever, they they look down. They go, oh, cigars. Don't mind if I do. And he's, like, pulls a cigar out, and he just starts a lot. He's standing in these people's living room But that's just a bit. Puffing on a cigar. Right. And I'm watching the girl. Could you imagine babysitting someone's house just coming to light up the snow gate and the kids and kids standing there? The cigar lighting wasn't the bit. No. No. That's the point. That wasn't the joke. That was just space work. That was something to do. Yeah. Correct. Yeah. Versus just standing there with their hands by your side. They'll tell me. It's hard. Don't mind if I do. And he's just puffing away, and I'm sitting around and go, Jesus Christ. Yeah. Times have changed. We have a we have a special guest. Mhmm. We you know, my next guest, she's a, she's a funny young woman. She's making his I'm glad you're all in a good mood tonight, Bob. Mhmm. I'm glad remember when he said that? Yeah. Yeah. He always said before, comedian, I'm glad you're all in a good mood tonight. We've got, Cara Leeper here. She's, playing the, Yuk Yuk's in Toronto on, April 12 to the now where is she? Is she real does she have dates? She's got dates. She's gonna be Someone else will be. On the Yuk Yuk's. She's gonna I mean, she's done she's done Letterman twenty five times That's nuts. By the way. That with a condom? Oh, with the condom. The Letterman show. Sorry. I'm sorry. Took me a second. Alright. You know she dated Jerry and worked for Jerry and worked on Seinfeld and and worked on Seinfeld. That's why then? We talked that's she's here, by the way. Okay. So but, Yes. That's funny that we talked about Seinfeld so much, and then she's coming in. So I will ask her about that. Alright. So they stand 15 feet away according to the graphic I saw, and they shoot them through a hole in the whatever. And then the question is sort of like, do they do it mafia hit style where they, like, put plastic down, you know, and sat them sit in a folding chair, or do they just come in and mop up? Like like, what this dude's a a load. You know what I mean? Like, somebody somebody's going into the room Yeah. And somebody's gotta show up with a, you know, a stretcher or pallet jack or something. You know what I mean? Like, I would I would put a pallet in front of him and a pallet jack, and I just go, you fat a*s gonna fall forward. You're gonna land on this pallet, and then we're just gonna work you out like we work at a Costco. Sorry. I like it. I never knew there were firing squads. Oh, we have we have Jack and the Beanstalk Okay. Abbott and Costello for some while. Oh. For some unknown reason. For unknown reason. Yeah. Okay. Let's see. Now the kid puts a roller skate in front of the door. So he slips. It's a Home Alone thing. And he's got his little baby brother, and he's sitting there. Hi, Claire. Oh, wow. Cigar. Wow. Yeah. Don't mind if I do. Music to my ears. My first victim, Judy Coles. See you, mister de coo. Again, the cigar is not the joke. No. The two guys show up to babysit in a suit and tie. Of course. The one guy lights a cigar. You know what I said? Alright. You can pause it. I know it goes. That's lips. Yeah. I babysat in the seventies. Yeah. In the seventies, for Reeve and Ronnie, Israelis Mhmm. And then Adam Where was the Jewish neighbors. Everyone was a Jew. What neighborhood was it? North Hollywood. Mhmm. I got a dollar an hour. There's one of me, and I was 13. A dollar an hour. Abbott and Costello are babysitting $19.49. There's two of them, and they're adults. How much are they making? What do they get? Are they getting, like like like And they have to split it. They have to split a nickel an hour. Like splitting your dollar? I was 13. I'd I'd go I babysit for four hours. I get $4, and I just go, well, it's enough. I can buy some candy or something. I don't it wasn't it wasn't enough to get a go kart or any I didn't have wasn't it was just a little walking around money. That was all I had. In 1949, baby steers had to be 18¢ an hour, and you gotta split it with two middle aged adults? Nuts. Alright. So how do you buy cigars with that kinda Well, you steal them from the guy who owns the house. Alright. Carol Leifer. Let's do one more out there. Alright. With kid, offered Google job out of high school, but got rejected by 16 colleges. Now he's suing for discrimination. High achieving student is taking legal action against several university alleging racial discrimination. Stanley Zhang, a 19 year old from Palo Alto, California, boasts a 4.42 GPA and a near perfect SAT score Listen. Fifteen ninety. I don't like this GPA over four people. Doesn't make sense. It's the f**king coach yelling, I need a 10%. Like, no. You don't. It's it's a hundred. We're maxed out at a hundred. It's four. You can stop at four. Stop at four. That's it. Am I right, Tom? How many how many slices of pizza? Nine. There's nine. He's got nine. I Nine. I was at the home show. Yeah. I swear to god. Do you think okay. He's got a 4.2 GPA. It just stops at four. It needs to stop at four. You can't give a 10%. But if you want something that's even more infuriating, but not to you two with no building skills. In the woodworking world, in the world of hard woods, dimensional lumber, I'm talking not engineered lumber. I'm talking about hardwood. I'm talking about the real tree fallen dimensional lumber. Yeah. When I'm talking to the person at the home show and I'm asking, they go, we use real wooding on that wood on our cladding on the side of the I go, what size what size wood planks do you use? I go, we do, five quarter. I go five quarter. Yeah. Five quarter. Now I know this from if you go to a hardwood shop and you buy wood, they have three quarter, but one inch is three quarter. When you go to the Home Depot and you go give me one by six, you don't get one by six. You get three quarter by five and a half. Mhmm. That's how it works. So if one buy is three quarter, then what is a true one inch? It's five quarter because one inch is four quarter, but one inch is three quarter. So they call it five quarter. And I go, you understand that's not real. It's not a it's not a thing. There's a you can break something up into quarters, but you can't have five of them. That's 20%, not 25%. So in the world of lumber, a true one inch thick is not four quarter. It's five. And that is equivalent to a 10%. I can't that's amazing. I can't believe you used that analogy to this Jewish person I know. Who doesn't know from lumber, who doesn't who's never been inside of Home Depot. You know. You know. Yes. Costco will go. You know. We'll go to Costco. That a two Costco. Sure. But Home Depot, it's not for us. At Costco, yeah. We love bulk. Give me 13 of everything. But Gilbert Yeah. You know Yeah. Everyone knows that a two by four is not a two by four. That you know. Fine. Right? Fine. And you know that a two by four is an inch and a half by three and a half. Okay. Weird. And two being an inch and a half is just three quarter and three quarters. So I call it a two, one and one, but it's Give the hazard to three quarter. The perfect analogy to the wrong guy. This guy Yeah. This Asian fella Mhmm. Who's trying to get into all these schools ensuing because they're not letting him in with his high GPA Right. Over four Right. And his almost perfect SAT scores. Right. Listen to me, everyone. Let me explain how life works. You you start off with the best of intentions. Mhmm. You say we need more diversity at UCLA. All good intention. Good. And then what? Well, it's we need to defund the police and have community policing. You know? Okay. Miss missus pie in the sky. That sounds great. So you go, listen. UCLA does not represent enough Hispanics and enough blacks and enough whatever. You fill in the blank. So we would like them to be represented at there, and no one can argue with that. You go, good intentions. And then at some point, you go, well, there are just not enough Hispanics or blacks or whatever that are going to make the cut for UCLA. So then you go, okay. We're gonna have to adjust that for these people. So now you start lowering the test scores or adjusting for those people. And then at a certain point merit volume down. Yes. And then at a certain point, you go UCLA campus and enrollment is not infinite. It's finite. So we can't just go, let's let all of this in and all of that in. So then at certain point, you go, we kinda are full. Mhmm. So now you go, okay. But we want diversity. Mhmm. Alright. Who do we have the most of? Asians. Okay. So here's what we're gonna have to do. We're gonna have to up their score in in order to get into UCLA, and we'll simultaneously lower black and Hispanic or whoever we have the least of so that we can balance this out. There is no such thing as just going, we're gonna be inclusive. Somebody's gotta get kicked out, and somebody needs to be discriminated against in the name of your inclusivity. That is the insane thing because you're a hundred and off your f**king pious mountain, all you pricks. You're a 10% right. You're 4.9% quarter better. Five quarter better. And I'm not kidding because when to encapsulate what you just said, even intentions that are meant for inclusion and all the good stuff that everybody would recognize as this is a nice thing, End up as the most racist, discriminatory policy a s**t show. It's s**t show. Everything is let's just shut too far. We'll just shut Los Angeles down for eight days, then we curb the virus. Right. Then we'll open up yeah. Sure you will. They take everything too far. Me too was the correction, the societal correction that we needed. Men need it. But then when you're going, oh, Aziz Ansari had a date with a girl when no. Not well, okay. Okay. Wait. Wait. Now wait. Not wait. Stop for a second. Okay. Start. Start. Start. Okay. Stop for a second. It's like Right. He metooed for that? This is the problem with everything. And then what? Alright. Carol Leifer's out there. I'm gonna bring her in. I'll say goodbye to, Elon and May. You guys. Great great stuff. I'll give all the plugs at the end of the show. Doesn't matter. I know. Listen. You plug yourself by coming in here. Thank you. Knocking it out of the ballpark. Park. Go plug yourself. Alright. Great comedian. Carol Leifer. I'll be in studio right after this. Good. Well, breaking news. Let's say it's pretty much broken. You're constantly scrolling on your Facebook, Twitter. No. X now. That's right. TikTok, you're probably over the news. Well, if that sounds like you, I recommend you give a listen to the Up First podcast from NPR. Up First frees you from the all day scroll obsession by telling you everything you need to know in a easy fifteen minute for format. No no BS. Just short, digestible chunks. The show's interesting. It's, not your dad's NPR, and, I enjoy it. UpFirst, short format, makes it easy to catch up on what's happening while you're getting ready, making breakfast, or just heading off to work. So digest it, enjoy it, and live it, man. It's Up First. Right, Dawson? Listen now to the Up First podcast from NPR. O'Reilly. Oh, oh, oh, O'Reilly. Auto Parts. Wow. Yeah. You know the jingle. Yeah. They're in the business of keeping your car on the road. O'Reilly Auto Parts offers friendly, helpful service, and the parts and knowledge you need for maintenance and for repairs as well. I've always been a fan of O'Reilly. You know, I like the ranch. Used to, used the one over in North Hollywood, then it was the one up in La Canada or La Crescenta when I used to live out there. I'm always working on my stuff. I'm always using O'Reilly. Whether you're a car aficionado or an auto novice, you're gonna find employees at O'Reilly Auto Parts to be knowledgeable, helpful, and best of all, they are friendly. So stop by. O'Reilly Auto Parts. Do it today. Or you can visit us online, o'reillyauto.com/adam. That's o'reillyauto.com/adam. Select quote, there's so many things in life we just never get around to. Taking up that hobby, cleaning out the garage. You know, you know you need to do that. You know, little things that don't really make huge differences in our lives. Yet, there is one thing that most of us have probably been neglecting that can have a huge impact on our family's future. It's life insurance. And, with SelectQuote, getting covered with the right policy for you is easier and more affordable than you may think. 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You can leave us a message at (888) 634-1744. Yeah. It's been usurped, the, beeping smoke detector by the black community. It used to be a white thing, and now it's a black thing. When I started off in radio, it was white people who had it going off. That's been taken over by the African American community. So next time you get pissed at Elvis Yeah. Let's talk about smoke detectors. I know. Okay. We're talking about smoke detectors. Carol Lever in studio, how to write a funny speech, and I wanna know about this, book for a wedding, a bar mitzvah, graduation. Yes. Let's let's talk about do's and don'ts. To me, the first thing I wanna think about is length. Exactly. Going on too long. Right? That's one zero one of speeches. But how many events have you been to, Adam, where the person goes on and on and you want to kill yourself? Almost every time I do stand up, I I think I think that about myself. No. But I no. I agree. And so it's it's a weird thing, which is I I liken it to pizza, which is when when I go to if on the off chance that I have to eat at Domino's Yes. I go give me the thin crust. Mhmm. And the reason I say give me the thin crust is there's less to screw up. It's just you're not gonna screw up the crust because it's a quarter inch thick. And my feeling is is bridesmaid or best man or whomever Mhmm. You're nervous about this thing. Yes. You think you're you're shorten it up then. Right. No one ever says it's too short. No. You're not skilled at it, so why are you going seventeen minutes? Let's make it three minutes. Yeah. That's a rookie mistake that people make with speeches. They think, oh, to really celebrate this person, I need to go on and on and on, and you don't. You need to keep it short and sweet. But that's a big reason why I wrote this book with my comedy writer buddy, Rick Mitchell, because people need to make speeches. They're completely afraid of it. And then you just it's pretty simple how to tell people to write a good speech, and we give you, ways to make it a funny speech. What is the format that is simple? Is there a structure? Yes. The most common mistakes? Mhmm. Well, as you were saying about speech length, what most people don't realize that we know as comedians is you're probably not the only person who's been asked to give a speech. Mhmm. You're gonna be one of many. Mhmm. So that's why it is important to keep it five minutes or under and under. Yeah. Because how many events have you gone to where it's this endless parade of people and you're like, I'm so hungry. I need to eat. Yeah. Or And I have to or whatever. Yeah. And I have to listen to one more of these you know what? It's funny you say five minutes because I just did this thing with Barry Weiss in, Austin, Texas at some theater, and it was like a film debate. Yeah. It's for series and so on and so forth. And she smartly had the four people on stage, all speakers, professors. I was the only comedian. But the point is is she said, everyone goes and makes an opening statement. Mhmm. The opening statement is five minutes, and there's a countdown clock. And when we get to five, you know, a buzzer goes off. So you have five minutes Mhmm. To make your case. And everyone went out there and made their case in five minutes. You know? And, whether they were for or against, and this was about Christianity versus being an atheist or whatever it was. But it's, like, five minutes. Ample time. I heard that guy. I got it. Yes. Well, that was great. That was smart that she did it and that she got a little rough about it. You get you got a buzzer. That was it. And it at your feet, you're playing a 1,300 seat theater. But as you look down, you're looking at a countdown that started with five minutes. Your first syllable that comes out of your mouth Yeah. Hit it. Hey. That's great. Well, we know that, you know, from playing Vegas, they have the clocks in the stage Mhmm. And you really have to keep that as you know because they need to get everybody out onto the floor gambling. Did they have them back in the day? Because because comedy clubs did not have clocks Right. Traditionally. Yeah. Just the light. Just the light, but they wouldn't light you per se if you were headlining or you might ask for the light, but they did not have a clock. They all have clocks now. But did Vegas have clocks early on because they were a different cadence or schedule? Well, I hate to name drop someone who I opened for, but I opened for Frank Sinatra Really? At Bally's in Las Vegas. What year? Part of a story. Nineteen eighty nine. Mhmm. And, of course, there was a clock. An opening for Frank Sinatra, you stuck to the schedule for sure. Oh, really? Well, or else a large man named Vito would come after you afterwards. What were you doing? How many minutes? Fifteen. Fifteen. And literally, that meant fifteen, not fifteen and forty five seconds. Exactly. And the clock was in the stage, and I knew exactly when to skedaddle. Mhmm. Yeah. And how many shows did you do with him? I did four. And how was it? It was amazing. Well, let me tell you how I got the job. Okay? I I met you know, I was doing comedy clubs and doing my stand up thing, and, I met this agent who will go, remain nameless for now. But he said, you know, I think you could be doing a lot better as a stand up. And he said, come to my office. Give me a list of the gigs you've done and how much you've got, and we'll go over it. So I brought the list to his office, and he was going over each oh, you got that at Laugh a Lots? You know, I could do better than that. You know? Oh, this is it from, the funny barn? No. No. We could do much better. Like, pre are you doing Letterman hits at the spot at this point? So you're on TV. I'm on TV. Right. So I decided to sign with him. Cut to, like, six months later. The gigs are horrible. I'm literally working at ground round restaurants on the Jersey Turnpike trying to talk over the sound of crushed peanut shells. On the floor. Yeah. Because they would give you peanuts. They had the barrel. So I kept saying to him, what's happening with the great gigs? And he was like, I'm working on Frank. And I'm like, at this point, who? Frank Stallone? Right. I'm thinking for him, what's happening? And, more s**tty gigs, more s**tty gigs. And then finally, I'm on working on a cruise ship, Adam. And you know back in the day when you got a phone call on a cruise ship, someone in your family died or your apartment was on fire. It was a big deal. And he called me, said, I got your opening from Frank Sinatra at Bally's in Las Vegas. And I was like, he was, like, apparently friends with Jillie Rizzo Mhmm. You know, who is Frank's, manager. And I got and it's still the highlight of the year. Frank at this point in his career age and so forth in '89? He was older, but still delivering. Mhmm. I remember I think he was talking about Sinead O'Connor and not liking her because she ripped up a picture of the pope. Yep. But he was still great. And what I loved as a performer, and I think you would have loved as a performer, is he would go out and however the crowd was I mean, of course, it's Frank and people loved him, but who was an extra Intuit crowd, he'd do more time. You know? If they were a little laid back, he he'd laid back a little bit. Mhmm. But he would introduce me after, when he came on, which was incredible. And he said Oh, after his set? Before his set. Like, when I would walk off, he would bring me back for a bow. Oh, okay. Which was incredible. That was great. Yeah. And one night, he said some funny things. One night he said, that was Gary Leifer. Funny broad. I wish my mother had been that funny. I wouldn't know how to work so hard. And then he went to Summer Breeze. You know? So yeah. It was incredible. And interesting being I mean, it it's great. It is I mean, to say, you know, it's a kind of window in time, like, doing you know, sometimes I realize I did Letterman a couple times as as panel, though not not as a stand up. You know? But sometimes you'll be talking to a younger person, comedian, or whether they go, you did Letterman. Oh, wow. Because you realize that's sort of their Carson. Yeah. And and then but now Carson did you do Carson or or The Tonight Show with Leno? I did it with Jay Yeah. A few times, but I never did it with Johnny until one time right before he retired because I auditioned for the show 22 times. 22 times. 22 times. An audition means they come see you at a club, do a set. Right? That's right. Yeah. And, And you know they're coming. You know they're coming, but I could never crack it. And each time, I was like, you know, after time eleven, you wanna see me again? Alright. Okay. It's such a weird, vulnerable position to be in that most people never put themselves in because life doesn't really work that way. Meaning, people have jobs. People have pressure. Mhmm. And whether you're an accountant or a roofer, you have to show up somewhere and you have to do something. And at some point, you may not be performing, and at some point, you may get laid off. But you never really have the critique that they have with you. Like, they sit down and they go, it's a little too much of this and a little too less not enough of that. And by the way, it's also not a science. Yeah. So if you do make mistakes as a roofer, you put some shingles on backwards and there's a leak and you made some mistakes as an accountant. Your your client got audited. Yeah. Whatever. You the math didn't add up. But as a comedian, who's to say who's funny or what's working or what the vibe is. It's really all kinda up to that person Yes. Who's who's critiquing you. Right? Yeah. And, you know, Jim McAuley at the time was the guy and the only guy who was the gatekeeper to Johnny Carson. So it was totally up to him. But I think also because I was a Letterman act and had done the Letterman show so many times, they kind of dismissed me as, oh, yeah. She does Letterman. They used to have real big they were very territorial back in the day. Yes. And there was a serious thing of, like, if you were on Letterman, then you couldn't do Leno or you couldn't do the night, you know, tonight show. And if vice versa, and and and if if, you know, this guy went on to plug his movie on the Letterman, then he couldn't go on the late show or the tonight show after that. Like, there were there were so many rules. Yeah. And there's no more rules anymore. No. And, also, I don't think younger comedians understand that, you know, for my generation, like, to get on The Tonight Show was everything. Oh, yeah. And there were, like, no other big outlets. And now, you know, to do the it's really better to do podcasts that are popular than even network late night shows. I was told by, Elon Gold that we had to break down the Jerry Seinfeld tape of not wanting to see my Porsche with you Yeah. I wanna hear you. Because you dated and you're friends, and you worked with him for so many years. What was that relationship like? Where did you guys meet? We'll set the table before we play the Okay. The tape. So I go to audition, audition night, open mic night at the comic strip. What year is this? This is, '77. Mhmm. And I went with my college buddy, Paul Reiser. Mhmm. And we went on audition night, open mic night, and Jerry Seinfeld was the MC. Mhmm. And that night, he put me through the audition, Paul Reiser, and Rich Hall, if you remember who you are. Rich Hall. Sniglets. Sniglets. That's right. Rich Hall stand up, but it also was on SNL Yeah. Like Dink and head up Sniglitz. His I don't know how to explain it other than it was a thing Yes. In a book. Right. And I'm actually gonna be working with Richal at the, Barnes of Wolf Trap. So that's kinda crazy. These three big names of stand up all just sorta show up at the same time along with Seinfeld who's in '77 is Seinfeld, but not really Seinfeld. No. Not at all. But he was, like, a a big gun at the comic strip already. So I literally know him from my first day, night at the comic strip. Wow. Yeah. And then, we dated briefly. And then, we stayed friends Mhmm. All these years. And then when I moved out to LA, of course, I'm still friends with Larry David, who passed me on the audition at Catch a Rising Star. So I also know him. Oh, really? And is Elaine based on you, as they say? People say that. But, you know, I think they draw that comparison because I dated Jerry, and we have stayed friends. And I think that's where the comparison ends. But, anyway, so we stayed friends. And then when I moved out to LA, I got a call one day from Jerry and Larry, and I'm thinking, why are they calling me together? And they said, do you wanna write for Seinfeld? And my inexperience was an advantage because they didn't want people who'd written for TV before because, especially, Larry felt like, people who'd written for TV before had poisoned the, medium. Uh-huh. And it was, you know, bad bad stuff. How how many seasons did you write for Seinfeld? Three. Okay. I gotta remember to bring up a name to you because, you're gonna know this thing. We'll play the Seinfeld thing. Yeah. I wanna hear you. Tell us because you're inside. You know the man. To set the table, there's an exotic Porsche that I own that Paul Newman raced at Le Mans. And, it's a very it's a one of one car. I was at a Porsche event with Jerry. So were 10,000 other people, but I was there, and I was talking to Jerry looking at his Porsche race cars that I brought there. Mhmm. And I'd asked him if he'd like to step over here a hundred feet away and see my Porsche's race car. And here's Okay. But here's what's his answer. Yeah. I talked with Adam Carolla. Oh, yeah. Who wanted me to see his, Paul Newman nine thirty five, but it was so many people around, and there was so much, you know, interaction going on. It was kinda difficult for me to maneuver. And he kept pushing me. You've got to see my nine thirty five. I go, why? Why do I have to see it? What will happen in your mind that will be so great? Will it be me going, wow. Cool car. And then what? Then nothing. The big winter boot came down. So you said, I'll just say it now. It's cool. The winter boot of reality. You'll say, I'll say it now. Yeah. Nice car. It's a nice car. Yeah. Great. You're great. But it is weird. Isn't it kinda cool to me? Oh. Look right over there. There's a nine thirty five. I don't own that car anymore. You don't? No. That car has been sold. Sold. That was the one out at Gooding. Right? That's right. So Yeah. He had a nine thirty five. Right. And he's on with Spike Feresten who also write Yeah. Code for Seinfeld. Alright. Yes. What do you think? You know the man. That seems to me to be a pretty, standard response. Yeah. Yeah. That's Jerry. Yeah. He just says it like it is, whatever he's thinking, whatever he's feeling for better or worse. And, there you go. But I do remember Adam at Richard not Richard Lewis, at, Bob Einstein's memorial. He was on Curb. Yeah. Yeah. Super Dave. I was there. Right. I know that because you went over to Jerry. No. He came over to me. He came over to you. Okay. And you guys were talking about cars for, I think, a good amount of time. So doesn't that kind of balance out? Well, that was weird because we were we were sitting in in in the back of of or I was sitting toward the back of Super Dave's, memorial, and I was just standing there. And and Jerry sort of made his way over to me to talk to me about not wasn't about cars. He wanted to talk about politics or something, where he'd seen something or something that I did. You know? So he, like, made his way over to me. Now my impulse at the at the funeral would have been, oh, that's Seinfeld, but I I, you know, I'm not gonna bother him. I don't really know the guy and, you know, other people were talking to him. And I now I have a recollection that you may have been right Yes. Yes. In that neighborhood too. And I was just sort of trying to stay in the back and not make a lot of noise. But he he came across because I didn't move. I was just standing there, and he sort of came across to talk to me. So when I saw him at Rennsport at the Porsche thing five years later Yeah. Because this is only six months ago or whatever. I was like, oh, well, okay, Jerry. Now that we went out. Now, you know, I'm your best friend. Yeah. Come over here. Uh-huh. Inconsistent. You're right. At the funeral, he came up to me. But when I came up to him at the Rennsport, different different. And I am surprised because he's so into cars and into Porsches that I would have thought immediately he would have, yeah, run to see your car. So confusing to you, even someone who knows him as well. Not really confusing. Yeah. Yeah. He he just you know, like, when I've, been on the road with him and and open for him, you know, a lot of people ask for his photo. Mhmm. And he'll just say, you know, something along the lines of, oh, not today, but, you know, can I give you a nice hello? You know, that kind of thing. He just kind of and, it's just very clear and direct. Yeah. I think that's how he likes to be. And, you know, he has earned that privilege, I think. Okay. Now I'm not hurt, but a name popped into my head Yeah. As you were talking about writing for Seinfeld. Mhmm. And it's a name that pops into my head periodically. I think about this woman a lot, because I have a very weird, kind of eerie and unique story with Marjorie Gross. Wow. Today at Centerparks, I didn't multitask. I saw the gleeful look on my teenager's face as she conquered the zip wire. Today, I didn't juggle meetings and packed lunches. I helped my little boy paint a cute squirrel pot. Today, I didn't stress about a work deadline. I swam underwater aqua jetting with my 10 year old. Life moves too fast. Precious moments last longer on a short break at Centerparks. Cherish every moment. Marjorie Gross. Yes. You must know that name. Oh, absolutely. We wrote the understudy together, the Bette Midler episode. Oh, you did? Yes. Yes. Marge goes one of the funniest stand ups from Toronto. She was on and the thing I was I was sitting here, and I think about her periodically because of the sort of have a history an interesting history with her. And and and, also, she's made a lot of Letterman appearances. Mhmm. Well, probably not as many as you, but she was a stand up who did Letterman, and so we were kinda talking about Letterman, and then we were talking about Seinfeld, and I remembered she wrote on Seinfeld, and then I remember there probably wasn't a ton of ladies writing on Seinfeld. Like, you guys would know each other for sure. Absolutely. So you wrote the Bette Midler episode for Seinfeld together with Marjorie. Yes. Well, I'm interested to hear about your history with Marjorie. Yeah. Wasn't romantic. Okay. Because I don't think she rolled that way. No. No. She dove into the lady pond. Mhmm. My history with Marjorie Gross is I was working as a carpenter, and I got on to some sort of celebrity assistant, list where the celebrities the assistants for celebrities would have a network. Like, they would talk. Like, they do that now where they go, the assistant the writer's assistant has, like, these networks where they do okay. How did you have it back then when there was no social media, no computers? This all the time when the when I go when I was in junior high, I heard a story that Rod Stewart had to get a stomach pumped because he had a gallon of semen in it. And they go, yeah. I go, I lived in North Hollywood. Where'd you live? And they go, Brattleboro, Vermont. And I go, do you remember that story? I go, yes. I do. And I go, well, how the f**k did that happen in 1978? Yeah. How did the Rod Stewart story get to Brattleboro, Vermont Exactly. From oh, and to North Hollywood? None. No explanation. Or the Richard Gere German. Story. How did that make its way? How? And then you start singing the dumb spoof songs about, you know, the Beverly Hillbillies theme where it got aunt Ellie pregnant or whatever it is. And you're like, how do you know that song? Because you grew up in North Dakota. Yeah. So that's how it worked. Oh, yeah. It was Stuff stuff would go viral before anything. I know. Right? Yeah. So there was some sort of assistant, you know, underground railroad or something of of who they knew. And and once the word got out that I was a, you know, good carpenter and I was nice and I didn't steal and, you know, I cleaned up after myself, I started getting calls from, like, Scott Baio's assist to Wow. Katie Seagal. It worked at her house. You know? And and so I get the Marjorie Gross call. I don't I don't remember how. That's so funny. Connected to these other people. At at least that's my recollection. She found out about me being a carpenter. Okay. And I was she just moved into the West Side. She got a little Spanish bungalow on the on the West Side. She bought her, like, it was like her first house or something. And and, you know, she was writing for Seinfeld, and and I and and she was living sort of behind, as it strikes me, kind of behind where, like, Hannah's is or something, somewhere in that neighborhood on the West Side. Yeah. And she wanted me to build her an entertainment unit when people had, you know, big TVs and, you know, VCR drawers and tapes and stuff. I built some entertainment units. You know? Nice. Yeah. It was a thing, like entertainment unit. You know? I have the big cutout for the for the TV in the center and all the tracks and everything. And, I was going to her house, working on this these projects at her house when I heard about the boxing match that Kevin and Bean on KROC were having that where Jimmy Kimmel was involved that ended up getting me into show business. Oh, okay. I showed up at her house Yeah. In the morning after listening to it on the radio, and I said, can I use your phone to call the radio station? Wow. So I story would be very bad if she said no. I didn't have a cell phone, and I needed to call. And I was in my line. I was in my truck listening to it on the way over going, oh, man. I gotta call the station and tell them that I'm a boxing trainer. It's a long story. She said, yeah. Use the phone. I called, you know, busy or leave a message or whatever. And I started talking to her, and she was like, yeah. I'm a write write for Seinfeld and so forth. And I was like, oh, man. You're you're living my dream because I'm driving a truck and I'm a carpenter, but I wanna get into comedy. And I can't like, what a great gig writing for some you bought your own house. I got an apartment with, you know, three roommates and blah blah blah. Yeah. And so I like she was nice, and I remember she liked hockey and was Canadian. Hockey fan. Big hockey fan. Yep. And, and I finished a project or whatever and move on to the next gig. And then, probably two years later Yeah. Like, maybe maybe less. I mean, two or three year. I don't remember. My manager. So now I'm in show business. Manager. I got into show business Okay. Right after I met her. Yeah. And and I became successful. Mhmm. And and my manager calls me in his office, and he goes, hey. I got a call from, Marjorie Gross's brother. Okay. And I said, yeah. And I I said, he said, he found a check made out to Adam Carolla for $1,300 Oh my god. And her belongings because she died of Right. Ovarian cancer. She did die of ovarian cancer. Right after I was saying, boy, what a life. Yes. You know? Boy, I wish I could switch places with you. You know? Yeah. She died She hadn't paid you for your She paid me, and this guy went through her canceled checks. He was going through her belongings. Uh-huh. And he's going through her brother is going through her belongings Yes. After she passes. Mhmm. And he's looking at a check to Adam Carolla, who he knows from TV. Because now I'm on TV. Right. And she he's like, why would my daughter write this other comedian Right. Actor guy. Yeah. Sorry. My sister Uh-huh. For 1,300 what is she paying Adam Carolla for? Like, jokes or something? Yeah. And I had explained I was being paid as a carpenter. Yeah. Yeah. And and it was so close to me being a carpenter and being in the show business. In this small little window, she died quickly. Yeah. Yeah. And I've it's always stuck with me. I've always went, god. See, life I know. Life is tricky. But here's the beautiful thing about working with Jerry Seinfeld and Larry David on Seinfeld. Marge was diagnosed with cancer while she was working at Seinfeld and going through chemo. And they put a cot in her office so that when she needed to, she could take some downtime and rest or sleep. Mhmm. I mean, they were just that nice of guys. And Bette Midler doing the episode of Seinfeld that we wrote, it's hard to think of a time when Seinfeld was not the mega hit it became. And we needed a celebrity to play the celebrity that's in the softball league with the comics. Mhmm. And literally, we went out. I remember being on the phone with Liza Minnelli and trying to get her to do this part. And she was like, it's not. You don't use me enough. I can't I have to pass because you don't use me enough. And then we reached out to Bette Midler, and Bette Midler knew Marge from the old days in New York when she was starting out in cabarets. Wow. And she said and she heard that Marge was diagnosed with cancer, and she said, I'm gonna come out and do it for Marge. Wow. Yeah. Yeah. So she was very loved, Marge. She was funny as f**k. I swear to god. I don't know if I've met a woman, since who's as funny as Marge, but that is a crazy memory you have. Well, it was seared in because I was like, I literally used her phone to get me into show business. Yeah. Number one. Number two, I thought she was on top of the world, and then she was dead Mhmm. You know, in a very short period of time after that. And then and then I was in show business when she passed, and I it it I I periodically think of her, and I just go, you know, you know, I think she die. I don't know. 42? I don't know. Young. Yeah. I think it was about that. Maybe even 40. Young? And was Seinfeld up and still going when she died? Was she there? Yeah. Absolutely. So she was, like, season, what, through She was, she came after me. I think she was season six. Mhmm. And that's you know, she was that was the year that, she passed away. I I know where I was. I it was '94 for me. It was like it was like April Yeah. '94. And I didn't know if she was sick then or or not. Yeah. So now we gotta find out when did she When did she pass? I think it was '96. Pass? Because she must have just started at Seinfeld when I when I met Marjorie. Maybe. 06/07/1996, so the middle of ninety six, and I sort of met her in the middle of ninety four. Right. So she must have been there for a couple seasons or something. Yeah. But don't you think about that a lot? I mean, that's why her memory is seared into your brain because you made that call, and that was, like, this one call that led you on this path. That's crazy. And I think about that with going to an open mic night and, you know, Jerry Seinfeld being the MC and putting me through. You think of these, like, you know, seminal moments in a career that, like, if that hadn't happened, what would have happened? Right. And then there's people whose car breaks down and the person that picks him up is a serial killer. And it's like, well Yes. That's a bit of that's a bit of luck or serendipity in the other direction. The other side. Yes. I mean, it's crazy. Like, I don't know if you know the story of how Paul Reiser got diner. You know, Barry Levinson. Sure. Love that movie. He went with another comic. His name was, Adam Kane. Just, you know, they were gonna go, I swear to God, to buy underwear or something at Gimbels. He was like, you wanna come with me? Sure. And then Adam was like, oh, I gotta stop and do this audition, for this movie. You wanna come? And well, I was like, sure. And he's sitting in the lobby, you know, blah blah blah. And Adam did his reading, and then he came out. And the casting director was like, oh, you. You wanna you wanna read? And he was like, Paul was like, sure. You give me the sides, and I'll read. And then he gets diner. Wow. It's like crazy. Diner, I I don't wanna say underrated, underutilized or something. Doesn't doesn't make doesn't get the spins it should get on cables. Yes. Star studded, Mickey Rourke, Daniel Stern, Kevin Bacon, everyone when they're young, crazy funny. Ellen Barkin. Ellen Barkin, Guttenberg. Oh, they're all all the young version of everyone is there. Funny funny cast, funny writing, funny everything Yep. And should be seen. And and people kinda miss it. They they don't it's not on their list or what have you. But Yeah. Right. It doesn't when you're scrolling through the channels, it doesn't seem to pop up as much as sweet home Alabama. Yeah. Or made to order or something, you know, or made in Manhattan or whatever whatever whatever. He's on an endless loop on the table. s**t rom coms. It's just never never ending with, you know, Kate Hudson is back with Matthew. And it's like Yeah. Yeah. But show this. Diner. I know. Agreed. Alright. Let me give you a plug, my dear. I'm glad I I'm glad I remembered the Marjorie Gross I am too. Story. It's such a kooky, we you know, strange story, but it's amazing that you remember her and what it led to. Well, it's weird that I saw her in the middle of ninety four, and she died in the middle of ninety six. And somehow, in those two years, I've gone from guy driving a pickup truck, building people cabinets to on MTV every night. Amazing. I wasn't anywhere close to that, and it just happened at one little period. Right. And using the phone. You know how many people would have been like, this f**king construction guy, I want to see no. No. Get to work. Let's go. There's the hammer. There's the wood. Start building. They don't supply the hammer and the wood. But, yeah, I get what you're saying. Yeah. I bring my own tools. No. I walked out of my truck and left all my stuff in my truck and walked in and went, can I use the phone? Like, I wasn't I wasn't halfway into anything. I I came up the driveway. It's like, I need to use the phone. She's like, in the kitchen. Like, I gotta call the radio station. Very, very gracious and very kind of her and very ambitious of you to want to make a call while you were about to go to work. Yeah. Well, it all it all it all worked out. Yes. Well, I think you were in the middle of a plug. Yes. The plug. How to write a funny speech. This is important. It can make or break an event, people. And, that is out as we, as we speak. And there's dates. March 11. Yeah. It's Two. Yeah. I have dates. Stay with dates. Wait. Let me make sure I got the date. March 11 it's coming out. Yes. Is that correct? Uh-huh. Alright. And dates. Mhmm. Hermosa Beach coming up. Right. Comedy and Magic Club. Yep. Gonna be in Virginia? Mhmm. Barnes and Wolf Trap. Oh, in Vienna, Virginia. Wow. Yes. And and you should go to Carol wow. It's weird when I see your name. Leifer. It's almost my last name. Carol Leifer, and it's, l e I f e r Yes. Spell it correctly when you come see me. Is where is where you go for dates. And about the book March 11 book's coming up. Preorder. Yeah. Preorder it now. And people need this book. And as you can see, it's very handy. It's very short. You'll learn everything you need to know step by step. We have templates. If you're lazy, we have templates. You can just plug in what you need to give the best speech of your life. It's a great gift, and it's only $16.95. Alright. Thank you. I'm gonna be doing dates. Phoenix, Desert Ridge Improv, doing stand up. Friday, Saturday, Sunday, bunches of shows. Some tickets left. So, come on out and say hi. Go to mcrow.com for that. Until next time, it's Adam for Elon and Carol saying. Mahalo. Pick up your phone and leave us a voice mail at (888) 634-1744, and then get tickets to see the ace man at AdamCarolla.com. Pluto TV is the place for movie fans like me. And TV fans like me. They've got something for everyone, and it's totally free. You can binge laugh out loud sitcoms like Frasier. And rewatch cult classics like higher learning. Whether you're in the mood to solve a little crime before bedtime with NCIS or Tracker. Or curl up with a surefire hit like Forrest Gump. Run, Forrest. Pluto TV has thousands of movies and shows all for free. Pluto TV. Stream now, pay never. Today at Centerparks, I didn't multitask. I saw the gleeful look on my teenager's face as she conquered the zip wire. Today, I didn't juggle meetings and packed lunches. I helped my little boy paint a cute squirrel pot. Today, I didn't stress about a work deadline. I swam underwater aqua jetting with my 10 year old. Life moves too fast. Precious moments last longer on a short break at Centreparks. 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