Comedian Jiaoying Summers Doesn't Smell

Transcript

Check engine light on? Take the guesswork out of your check engine light with O'Reilly Variscan. It's free and provides a report with solutions based on over 650,000,000 vehicle scans verified O'Reilly. Auto parts. Welcome to Carolla Classics. I'm your host, Superman Giovanni. This is a podcast where the best moments, highlights, and fans like the clips from all sixteen years of The Adam Carolla Show. We have a companion podcast titled Carolla Classics with the ad free archives exclusively available through Adam Carolla Substack at adam Carolla dot substack dot com. You can also find the ad free archives from the Adam Carolla Show, Adam and Doctor Drew Show, which has been recently relaunched. Make sure to check that out. And Adam's brand new podcast Beat It Out currently featuring Adam and Jay Moore. And if you'd like to request a clip, please email us classics@adamCarolla.com. Now Now on to the clips. Coming up first, we have Adam Crowlow Show four zero seven featuring handsome Teresa Frost from Brian Bishop from 2010. Ball Brian, you feeling good? I just, just finished my, last of my, marathon sessions of, book on cassette as I like to call it, much to the chagrin of the engineer and, my producer. Essentially, read about half my book and riffed about the other half of it. I have no f**king idea. I was miserable. I actually don't know what I felt like. I felt like, Danny DeVito, practicing his pole vault thing for six hours at a time. Just not reading aloud, not your thing. Just not never. Just the idea of sitting there in a booth and just reading aloud while two people who could read judged. Oof. Yeah. I wish the two people on their side of the glass were like Mississippi Bluesmen. Dexter Manley and Stevie Wonder. Yeah. I'm sure Wonder reads better than I do. But tell you, Dexter Manley would be a good guy to have on the other side of that booth instead of a smart guy. Alright. But, anyway, should all, come out, fine, and you can get that. I don't know where the hell you're going. Probably gonna come out the day your book officially comes out, which is October Mhmm. Something. And I'm always torn between doing a great job and getting the f**k out of it. Right. That's gonna be the name of my next book. Yeah. Yeah. Life. Doing a great job Or getting the f**k out of there. And just say versus getting the f**k out of there. Yeah. And you could have, like, you know, two boxing gloves or something. You know? Yeah. It's always one against the other Yeah. In life. Mhmm. It's like, the beginning of Rocky when Rocky gloves explode. Exactly. That's what I'm picturing. Alright. That was four. Right? Three or four? Was three through six. Yeah. But it was definitely four. I do love books on tape almost more than anything, especially read by the author. They're now on audio. They're now on audio. Audio books are not on tape, but, like, I've, listened to crack hours books rather than read them. I love the way he reads them. He did Into Thin Air and Into the Wild and the Pat Tillman book. Yeah. For me not Kevin. There's, well, you can tell when I'm reading versus when I'm riffing because you can hear my finger dragging along the page. Now you riff meaning, like, these are extras, like, almost like a author's commentary. Meant. It's almost That's what I meant. Here's what Mike Lynch put down. It's almost like, it's almost like you get through some part and, you know, it's whatever, parking enforcement or some s**t I've been b***hing about for a hundred years. And instead of just reading two pages verbatim, I just kinda look at it and go, oh, this is that one. And then I just do it. And then we just kind of you just kinda get through it. You know? So the superfans, I think, will buy the print version and the audiobook. That would be nice. Otherwise, you will lose your title of superfan. Alright. Tree, you got some news ready to rock? From the International News Center, next to Donnie's Mini Bikes, this is the news with Teresa Strasser. Well, I won't bore you with too many results from the midterm elections, but Christine O'Donnell is the Tea Party backed candidate out of Delaware with a surprise victory. Sarah Palin loves her, sent out a robocall. She got the Republican nomination. Unclear how she'll do in the generals, but now she's a big, big media darling. This morning, she went on a GMA. I was thinking I can't be the first person to make this joke, but, the Tea Party guys sort of spearheaded by dick army and could have easily been called an army of dicks. There you go. Al Franken must have come up with that. Bill Maher or somebody. Right? Somebody must have come up with that. To Adam. Anyway, this is, I don't know if you've seen her, but, sometimes Sarah Palin herself would have a little bit of difficulty in interviews. And I'm not so sure that this was, you know, necessarily Christine O'Donnell's. But let's let's not this not this. We'll be a little earlier or earlier. Or we can go to this one first. Okay. In this clip, first, they they play George Stephanopoulos plays Karl Rove, who you may know from the Republican party. Karl Rove hates one of his own, which is to say he's got all these horrible things to say about O'Donnell. He accuses her of not paying her there's a lot of stuff in the air about her that she didn't pay back her college loans, that she's lied about a lot of things, that she sued a conservative think tank for which she used to work. Anyway, they said George Stephanopoulos plays Karl Anderson. George Stephanopoulos plays it on a show. I think she can she can respond. I mean, I've I thought you meant, like, in the role of a lifetime. Unclear. Stephane is We got the wrong clip up, so I'm gonna make it work. Sorry. She, yes. That's why. Thank my prosthetic supervisor. So what you're gonna hear is stuff like that. With a shotgun who doesn't clap right now? What you're gonna hear now is that he she's just heard Karl Rove, and she's gonna have to ask for a second. But I what what I want you to listen for is you know how we have a couple of magical, in our Canada? Sure. We've got Conway. Mhmm. We've got Whoopi Goldberg. Uh-huh. Now I'm not saying she's in a class with them, but I am saying she's sober. So I think when you factor that in, it's pretty good. Well alright. Should we listen? Take a listen. Can you answer those questions? You know what? Yeah. Everything's good. Right? Yeah. It was a good that was good. Okay. Now here she is. Can I say this? Can I say this? Because I've I've just been interviewed by I got interviewed by a bunch of, sports talk radio stations. Right? About Reggie Bush? Just f**king Mike August. The hot Mexican? Mike no. Mike August will just have me do any f**king interview I have. If if they're if you're Portland and I'm coming to Portland and you have a ham radio, August will have me come by your house, you know, ten minutes before the f**king show or get up at 6AM to do it. Always under the heading of it couldn't hurt. Yeah. Couldn't hurt you. I'm the one who's f**king sleep deprived. I have to do ninety minute show tonight. Right. But, totally sports guys. And sports guys have a version of that, which is, first off, they get to say they they get to stall by saying their name. Hey, Adam. John here. Let me ask you this question. And then they ask the question. Right. And they preface everything with I wanna ask you a question. Here. Let me ask you this question. And I want you to be real honest with me on this one. Let me ask you this question. Let me that's their equivalent of, people don't realize there are whole bunch of little phrases like, I'm glad you asked me that. And here's how here's how here's how I would answer that question, which is all the equivalent to, but it's all what we do, if we've we've replaced it with, we've replaced, That's not all. With I'm glad you asked me that question. Right. Or let me ask you a question. I'm thinking of it as I'm saying. I'm going down. Yes. Or let me answer that question. I'm thinking of an answer while I'm saying let me answer that, or I'm glad you asked me that. But what we don't do is Right. That's a great question is one that I think works very well with flatters. Bad. Yeah. You know what? That's whoopie gold bar. So hers aren't to that level. Not at whoopie level? If she's, you know, a a a nominee Sure. Republican nominee in Delaware, senate Yeah. It's not promising. It's not that it's not the pause. It's the noise. You just don't make the noise. Take a take a beat. Right. Here she is answering one of George Stephanopoulos's questions. We should have another Jobs back in Delaware. Good. How we're gonna defend the homeland of our security and Got that? She helped to bring it back on So I feel good about all the help you do. She's gonna defend the homeland of your security, but here's the real problem. You don't understand her background. Okay? I I'm not let's put politics aside, and let's talk about masturbation. Yeah. Because it's her enemy. This is a clip I thought you're gonna ask me to put masturbation aside and talk politics for a minute. No. Put politics aside. This is a a clip that Rachel Maddow unearthed and and a lot of other people from 1996 MTV. This is that same galaxy. MTV got them. What did you say? MTV played this as part of one of those, you know, sex in the nineties shows. Uh-huh. My name is Christine O'Donnell. I am the president and founder of the SALT. The SALT stands for the Savior's Alliance for Lifting the Truth. We choose sexual purity in our lives. We have God given sexual desires, and we need to understand them and preserve them to be used in God's appropriate context. We need to address sexuality with young people, and masturbation is part of sexuality. Sexuality. That is important to discuss this from a moral point of view. Masturbation is a selfish act, and it's a lustful one, and we are to walk with pure hearts, not adulterous, lusting hearts. The Bible is clear in the fact that it says that any sexual act outside of the realm of marriage is wrong. The Bible says that lust in your heart is committing adultery. So you you can't masturbate without lust. The reason that you don't tell them that masturbation is the answer to AIDS and all these other problems that come with sex outside of marriage is because, again, it is not addressing the issue. You're gonna be pleasing each other. And if he already knows what pleases him and he can please himself, then why am I in the picture? Good question, baby. Every damn night. Well, let me just say this. The best way for me not to walk around with lust in my heart is to squeeze one out before I leave the house. That removes the lust from my heart. Otherwise, you give me a week without squeeze went off. I got a lot of lust in my heart. I think her other point was that you need lust in your heart to masturbate, and then you'll be cheating. It'll be you'll be committing mental adultery. No. I don't need any lust in my heart. I just need a, you know, hotel room and a bottle of Pinot Noir. I I don't even need I need very little. Nah. Doesn't take much. No. As a matter of fact, I can have I can have rage, anger, and angst in my heart, and oftentimes, it's better. Real I can have apathy. Yeah. I can have emptiness. Yeah. I don't need my I really do not wanna get that stuff. My heart and she'll squeeze right off. Ashes? Maaz. Yeah. The mistletoe. This is a good song. Yeah. Packing peanuts. This song is good for anti masturbation, by the way. Yeah. Yeah. Really? Yeah. If you had this in your heart, you could not have lust on the boat. This into every prison. Suddenly, the prisoners would be raising each other. I remember when the same religious nut jobs were pissed off over this song. Oh, yeah. Must be nice being just a religious nut job. You used to go around with your theories all the time. The Bible says the lesson, the heart is alright. Alright. You don't actually really have to read the the Bible or the Quran so you can burn it. Let me just like, in in terms of in terms of, like, torches to carry or, you know, Yeah. Yeah. I got my six feet no off. Mason. Here it goes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Good. Isaac Hayes and Joan Osborne. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Hanson's nervous now. They're at the top of this. He's not gonna let beat Isaac Hayes and Joan. No one beats this. It's Lawrence. Wow, Brian. Hi, Allen. I just gotta listen to the rest of the song. I'll wait for Isaac. Of course. Gonna die. When he says yeah again, I'm gonna die. Say you I wait. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, I can't get enough. We have to release this. This yeah. This gotta go up on I too. Isaac Hayes is here. Yeah. I mean, here. Why not? Yeah. He could contribute to a lot of stuff. Yeah. I mean Yeah. Pure, pure. Normative. I never noticed this. Yeah. Yeah. Me neither. I took notice. You know? Alright. We gotta wait this song. Right, John? Sometime. Oh, Jesus. We're still going. Alright. I'm gonna start talking, but do not turn this off because if they do another yancy, because I'm gonna go nuts. You know, there's a lot of causes that folks try to pick up. Sometimes it's, you know, mothers against drunk driving. Organ donator. Or raise awareness or let's not have dogs pick up. Okay. Oh, wait. Here we go. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But getting people not to beat off. I feel that's a tough putt? f**king tough putt. Tough putt. Yeah. I mean, that is tough. Like I said, can we get people to keep their seat belts on in the airplane or put their kids in child protective seats or whatever the hell is going on. But not beating off, I feel like that's a real tall order. Start with secondhand smoke, and we'll work our way up to not beating off. Yeah? I would agree. I gotta tell you, there was a there was a year, and, there used to be a radio station out here that played all this s**t. But, somewhere around '94, '90 '5, '90 '6, couple of Blues Travelers albums, couple of Sheryl Crow albums, couple of, we songs like, we just heard from, Joan Osborne. So there's, like, there's a good 20, good solid f**king songs just in, like, this two year pulse this two year little window, and then it's kinda not not since so much. Ninety four was a great year for adult contemporary. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. Because There's some good solid songs out there. Yeah. Yeah. It wasn't Beautiful Girls by f**king Sean Cheers. Oh, by the way, while while we're on the subject of masturbation, since Isaac's, you know, up there, does it make you go to hell? I mean, he he would know. Right? Mhmm. Yeah. Sometimes. Not definitive. Yeah. Yeah. Alright. Keep going, T Bone. Okay. Well, you've probably heard about Inez Sands. She is the sports reporter for Mexican t network TV network Azteca. She received an apology from the Jets following her complaints about being verbally harassed by players. Oh, shut up. And now there's gonna be an investigation and sexual sensitivity training. That's the plan. Yeah. It's good. Did you see the pic well, everyone's seen the picture that she tweeted of herself to show how appropriately dressed she she really was? Yes. You've seen this. It's from behind. Yeah. And, I mean, it's it's, superb. She sound look. She stands as if she's presenting. Right. She's actually like, in the animal world, that is known as presenting. I am sticking my a*s out. She should be wrestling. Others. Yes. Or or or baboon a*s or something. Like, she's literally presenting. I mean, look. People, we're f**king animals. We really are. We're we're higher on the food chain. I mean, it's pretty much like you got c**kroach over here, dolphins at the top, publicist somewhere, you know, closer to the bottom. But either way, we can all just agree. There's just sort of you wouldn't do this. Like, if you just if this was just the animal kingdom and you're like, well, like, beautiful version of the female species sat there and sort of presented herself while a bunch of males fought to see who was gonna be the alpha one of the pride. No one would say anything if one of the alpha males went over and brushed up against it. Right? She got a great a*s. It really I mean, it's something else. Right. Where's your put on that outfit in the morning thinking, I I wanna be taken seriously by a bunch of naked guys in a locker room, so I'm gonna wear this. Get that dropped. Yeah. And and and by the way, this isn't the chess club. This is a whole bunch of guys that base basically got pushed right through high school right onto Florida State and never had a grade checked. You know what I mean? I mean, these guys are f**king these guys are Cro Magnum. Right. All of them. Now sure. They had a choice to act in a more mature and respectful manner, and she also had the choice to not quite wear that. Because when I heard she's wearing jeans and a shirt, I thought, oh, don't blame her. Then I saw it. Well, and all a couple of things. These guys are 23 year old millionaire millionaires that are just dripping with testosterone. This is not f**king, Mike Lynch on his lunch break. Sorry, Mike. What's he dripping with? Gina Tay. Or sometimes some sort of sauce. Yeah. The point is this. That's right. Yeah. Hollandaise sauce. The point is is these guys are f**king like racehorses. Yeah. Ajou. Yeah. They're they're they're racehorses. They're like, beat up. I mean, they're just they're literally beaked up. I you've you've been I mean, you ever see those f**king circles before the football game and, like, Ray Lewis is in the middle of them and he's like, nobody comes in the whole house and tries it. He starts ripping up grass and throwing s**t around. And those guys are literally it's it's like a shark feeding frenzy. And if you go into that, you could get bit, and they'll bite their own. Do you know what I'm saying? Oh, yeah. So that is a very, testosterone rich, charged up environment. You go in there with your f**king super, super tight pants. And let me say this. You're going on the turf, b***h. Do you need heels? I would argue that putting on, five inch heels on a soft sod is not a great way to go. Why are you wearing heels, b***h? I'll tell you why. It makes your a*s look that much juicier to all the f**king animals that are running around on the field. You know what the f**k you're doing. Don't give me that s**t. Now here's the deal. You wanna go up there and shake your ass? That's fine. That's actually a great idea. You get a better interview a lot of times. That's why you got the gig. Really? You don't think it was her nuanced knowledge of the game? Yeah. She's like Chris Berman if Chris Berman had fake tits and not assed. And listen. I saw her on those news shows, like, the entertainment shows. And on the entertainment show, she was, like, inappropriately dressed. Like, it was weird. Like, you know, when they do that thing where they go, look, we know you're a w***e, but you were still raped. So when we bring you into court, we have to frump you up a little bit. So it doesn't Right. Of course. She's talking like Mario Lopez wearing a shirt where fake tits are bursting out of it. That's her funeral outfit. You know what I mean? Relative to the other clothes in her closet. Right. Alright. So you go there and you present your a*s. And, again, alright. You're wearing jeans and a T shirt. Why are you wearing heels to go to work? Why are you wearing heels? And the jeans are not not her size. No. But she's gorgeous. And she's and I don't and I I don't Got a little bit of a hairline. I don't really? But let's just put it this way. If I was with her Doggy. I'd focus on the I see. Mhmm. Yeah. I'd hit her like Sanchez gets under a center. Beautiful, and I don't I don't, I don't fault her dressing that way, but you can't get upset when people react to it. No. That's that's the whole thing. You wanna dress that way when you go to a club? Fine. You wanna dress that way when you go to a football field? There's gonna be a couple guys who are gonna say something. And by the way, it sounded like, yes, they were obnoxious and they shouldn't have acted that way. But I guess she was interviewing a Mexican player because she works for Mexican TV, and they were saying, oh, I wish I was Mexican. So she would interview them. It's it's kind of sweet. It's always sweet. Look. You're a pretty girl and you're getting attention, and that's why you dress that way. Way. So shut the f**k up. And like I said, what the f**k do you need five inch heels for when you're walking around on the grass and they're just sinking into the wet sod? No. You do it to make your a*s look that much better. You're presenting. Fine. That's why you got the gig. Fine. They're football players. Fine. They love seeing a tight a*s. So do I. Just shut up, and let's get on with it. And let's not offer apologies. Let's just move forward. See, this is what we need to do. This would be a great time for the members of the jets and the leader and the coach and the owner and from Hard Knocks? Oh. Rex Ryan. Rex Ryan to go, you know what? We're not f**king apologizing, cutie. So why don't you put that hot a*s on your next flight back to f**king Guadalajara or shut up? Instead, we're probably gonna now see her on Dancing with a Star. Yes. Yes. You're not welcome on this sideline. Take your cute a*s. Send us the dumpy guy dressed in the bee outfit. And one more thing. She should be flattered. Her face is a little bit rough if you ever, been around, been around that side. Got a weird got that weird thin lip thing going for. It's weird that she got the boobs done when she could have so easily, I guess, pumped up the lips. Kinda kinda wondering about that. Wondering if, the Latin guys are into that because they're kinda into the, hips and boobs. You know? Maybe the lips, I hadn't even noticed. I feel like a guy because I seriously only could see her a*s. So busy staring at her a*s that you couldn't home. Right? It's like a heart. Yeah. Yeah. They love that, especially. By the way, the brothers, come on. You cannot present that in front of the brothers. They go insane. She's, she's like an honorary card Kardashian. Oh, she I think she her a*s is a little bit slightly finer than Kim's. Oh, no. Kim's is just big. Yeah. But that was actually like that. Perfect. That's perfect. Yeah. I'm just saying, everyone, knock it off and get the f**k back to work and don't show up or show up dressed appropriately. It's the same here's the same thing. Here's what it is exactly. You can wear super tight jeans and five inch heels and a tight form fitting shirt to the football practice. And then when you get a couple of cat calls, fine. That comes with the cat that goes along Yeah. Goes with the territory. And you can get a bunch of tattoos and a bunch of piercings and bunch of s**t like that. We're looking at another incredible picture of her a*s. You can do all that. But, occasionally, you're gonna have someone stare at you because you have a bar going through your eyebrow and another one going through your nose. Do not be angry when the person stares at you. This is what I don't like. Don't mind that, but when the result comes and you don't like it, shut the f**k up. And I know you wore the tight pants. Of course, it's a billboard. You're walking billboard to your beautiful a*s. Of course, guys stare at your a*s just like the a*s wipe who puts the puts the f**king coat hanger through his tongue. Of course, we're staring at you, you freak. That's what you wanted. Put on a f**king dress if you don't want us to stare at her a*s. And by the way, you wanna know a good example of somebody who didn't want us to stare at her ass? Jennifer Love Hewitt. Every picture of Jennifer Love Hewitt has her tits on display and a big old billowy Buddy Holly prom dress hanging right over Peggy Sue's a*s. Why? She didn't want us to look at her a*s. This one is dying for us to stare at her a*s. Thank you. The more you know. The more you know. Mhmm. Yeah. Well, I think I may have the ultimate definitely not a Jew. It's been a while since I've seen one. This one on the jet sideline? Well, that one. Yeah. Second to that, there are only a few details to this story, but each one counts when it comes to its excellence as a definitely not a Jew. Mhmm. South Carolina. Yeah. Good. Woman and man are in bed. Mhmm. Man gets stabbed with a knife. Mhmm. Why is the knife out? Because the woman's eating pig's feet. Oh, really? Yeah. And you. And they were drunk. Wow. And so in the middle of Were the feet still on the pig? Just the feet, you know, pig's feet. Oh, not still attached to the pig? No. That would be exceedingly No. No. No. Just the You'd really have to be drunk. Yeah. Just the feet. And bite you. You know what I mean? And, there must have been an altercation. What's, what's what's what's white trash here or even black trashier for that matter? Pigs feet or the chicken neck? Gosh. I think Like, when everyone gets really serious I'm taking this really seriously. If I have the correct answer in my right hand. I wanna say because can't you buy pig's feet in a jar at the front of the counter at the store? Yeah. They're pickled. Yeah. I'm gonna go with the pig's feet. White or trash? Yeah. Yeah. Chicken neck feels just old and southern. Yeah. Maybe put that in your soup stock. I don't know. Same guy could toss it. Whoo. And it's the same concept of using every part of the animal. Without wasting it. Yeah. Alright. That's a white trash move. What about black trash? Chicken's chicken neck or pig's feet? Just the phrase makes me uncomfortable, so I'm not gonna You don't like black trash? And I don't like it. Well, there's white trash. I know. I don't know why. It's unequal. It's equal equal, isn't it? It should be. Oh, I see. But in my mind Alright. The people are redneck. Would you eat the redneck? Or heard of chicken neck. Never heard of it. Never heard of it? Pigs feet seem old European thing? Yeah. The the pig's feet, I've seen them around every once in a while, so I figured those are more selfish. Chicken neck, they'll toss it in there every once in a while, like you buy a chicken or something. Never seen it. Man, consider yourself privileged. That's a good sign, by the way, when you don't even know what bad s**t is. So so good. He knows what sushi is. Vienna? I don't ethnic cleansing? I know what like, pork cleansing is. Armenian genocide. Why? I know Is that a neighborhood in London? I know a girl named Jenna. Yeah. Alright. I haven't heard of it. Alright. Okay. So one Florida story for you since we had a definitely not a Jew. Mhmm. Alexander Alcantare of Florida nearly lost his one remaining arm. Woah. Alcantare. Definitely not a Jew. Ho ho ho ho. It's a good chance this guy's gonna chew. He has one arm. Mhmm. And lo and behold, because he's in Florida, he tries to trap an alligator that had been hit in the head with an arrow. Oh, he's like Captain Hook. He got his other arm. Oh, lost my army to a crocodile. Yeah. Captain Hook got his foot bit off. Maybe he got his, he got his hand bit bit off. Right? Alley. How he lost the arm. Ticking. You heard the ticking was getting close. Mhmm. But with his remaining arm, he tried to help this poor alligator, and the alligator attacked him and bit him. When he called police okay. This is a good Samaritan. I mean, you see an alligator in trouble. You've got one arm. Don't you just use your one arm to call 911 or Yep. Use your 2 legs to run away? No. He tries to help him. What happens? The cops show up and they cite him for possession of an alligator and tell him the animal would have to be euthanized for biting him. So By the way, what what doesn't that mean you'd have to euthanize every alligator that's ever been born? If it's you know what I mean? Isn't that what alligators do? You throw them back in the swamp, but you don't blame them for biting. It's like, it's not a f**king pet. Is Is that like blaming a New York jet for looking at that lady's ass? Well, I mean, that's the whole thing. It's like when when every when half the people in your neighborhood own a dog and then one of the dog bites a baby, then you have to euthanize the dog because we got a baby biter on our hands. But alligators, you can't keep alligators around your house. They they bite everyone. Right? I mean, you don't euthanize the thing for biting the guy. Euthanize him for being out of a swamp. This just in, I now know how he lost his other arm. He fell on electric fence while trying to rescue some baby birds. Oh, are you s**tting me? Yeah. Poor guy. Boy, I do feel like this guy could would get laid, though, with that story. You think so? You know what he probably did? What? Probably sawed off his own arm and then went went to bars and went, hey. You know how I lost this bar? You be the chick I'm trying to pick up. You, nice sugar to eat. Hi. Hey. Hey. You know, know how I lost this arm? How? Fell on electric fence. You know what I was trying to do? Escape prison? Yeah. Rescue some baby birds. Now how about you start sucking? Okay. Yeah. See? I know the way ladies work. Baby birds? Baby birds with learning disabilities. The chicks had learning disability they had dyslexia? Yeah. Yeah. Some had autism? Mhmm. And you were trying to help them? All from third world bird nation. Had they lost their mother? They were orphaned birds? Mother died at birth. They never had a mother. Yeah. They don't know what it's like to have a mother. Yeah. You cool, T? Yeah. I'm good. That was the news. More of Teresa's news coming up. If you don't listen, you're an antisemite. Let's bring in, Isaac Taylor and Zach, all known as Hanson, all talk about our good friends over at Stitcher. The boys will come in and, sit down, get themselves situated, and we'll, do a little talk. And by the way, Stitcher Hansen, you guys are cool. You're young. You're hip. You're now. You know what the Stitcher.com? It's what you call an app. I don't know if you guys are hip to the app. Apps. Apps. Not not short for appetizer. Just app. You put it, maybe it's an application. Put your headphones on. Goes right on your iPhone, your Blackberry, your Android, and or your palm. No more downloading or syncing or using up all that space and all the trouble. Oh, the drudgery of syncing and downloading. And we'll do a little, extra content for you. I think, Hansen is gonna play a little tune for you that'll be exclusive for our good friends over at Stitcher. That's right. Stitcher.com. That's Stitcher..com. Good to see you guys again. Yeah. Thanks for having us. Thank you very much. Enjoying listening to the show. Thank you. So, what's, what's the schedule like for, Hansen in these days? How does it work? Like, if you guys and and stop me from putting any words in in your in your mouth. Haven't done it yet. We'll stop you. Gone from, like, crazy teen sensation to working touring band. Yeah. Is that is that about right? Well, I mean, I I think most bands I mean, it's interesting because even, let's say, when we first broke, I mean, that nobody can sort of anticipate the kind of No. That song I mean, that song was number one in 27 countries at the same time. Yeah. Yeah. But, it's one of Adam's favorites. I don't know if you realize that. No. I do hear you. Shuts up about it. It was blaring in the car when he drove up. I do love that song. I just I love a good, pure pop song. I don't care if my straight I mean, my buddies make fun of me. You know what? It I I just love We grew up listening to to classic pop music and soul music and rock and roll. That's where we that's what we always think of as, like, okay. Does this live up at some level to the kind of stuff that we're gonna do? When you hear Sugar by the Archies or something, you know, you're not changing the world. It's not a Bob Dylan song. It's just it's just good, fun, happy pop. What's funny actually is that was that's one of one of my as a as a young kid, that particular song is one of my favorite. Really? Songs. Yeah. And the best part is is it's crossover and a little bit gay at that moment. That that was gay to cross over there a little bit by. Gotta hit them with Mexican. Sort of you were worried about your, like, stain, and then we broke into sugar. Yeah. Well, it's it's and by the way, if you've ever had a crush on a girl or Teresa, a girl, and you're and you've been in love or it's, like, beginning and you got that song, like, going through your head while you're riding your bicycle when you're 15 or something. It's like nothing. No better. Sounds like how a crush feels. Yeah. It's just such a pure straight pop See, I wanna see you do an a music video where it's just you in the car just dropping at the singing. Singing the singing. Singing the singing. No. Singing this. But, but I was trying when I was trying to say Either one. You know? Was that a lot of our you know, a lot of what we do is really quite in it the process is the same. I mean, it's like we've lived on tour buses and toured the world and, you know, I mean, we the in our second record kind of record company mergers craziness happened, you know Was not helpful for the There were a lot of political things and then we ended up starting our record company on our third record. Because the second record ended up ultimately being released by a hip hop label, which was kind of Something about DM something about Jay z's record label releasing Hanson records. It wasn't quite a connection. Sure. Yeah. Yeah. You know, we there are many things that you could have huge hands on being. Hip hop was not necessarily one of those things. But we've spent the last ten years really, doing just I mean, doing what we feel is what any band should do. Make records you're super proud of. And and also really sort of own everything, you know, or sort of a, you know, kind of controlling. Sure. Whether it's the songs I mean, writing the songs, controlling the masters, our merchandise, our website, and and kind of cultivating a really strong connection with our fans. And so then, you know, it's like anything you every once in a while, you hit sort of cultural, you know, your roller coaster, like, strikes a chord at the right time. Sure. And, you know, a song kinda becomes a little bit more of a hit or and then the song gets played on MTV. But in the meantime, you're you're creating something that is is this business. It's it's it's your ongoing. It's your life. It's your music and and it's your family. It's passion. How did it, how did it get started? Where's everyone from? We're all from Oklahoma. Well, the brother thing, you know. Yeah. We sure have that. And then the womb. And well, technically, we didn't mean the womb. We meant after the womb. Sure. But you shared the last one in it. Right? Yes. Yes. I was back. Yes. Hand me down. And and so did people hand you instruments? Was it a family musical? Our folks did our folks did drama in in high school and college. Like, our dad is like a CPA that took ballet and stuff like that, random weird stuff. So It was just a combination. It was it was it was very But you know what that made me hear? You probably didn't lose all your money because your dad Yeah. We were very an accountant. Yeah. Very, very smart about that. He was dancing for his future. He was he was at the yeah. He was doing his plies and thinking about dollar signs and everything. We used to joke, our mom actually went to North Texas State as a vocal major. Mhmm. And, that's actually a really well known music school. And, and so she's a singer and our dad, we joke, is a frustrated poet. And so somehow or another, we end up being songwriters and singers and stuff. We well, the the way it started, we've told this story many times, but it's essentially we we heard, you know, we had it in the genes, I guess. You know, the gene pool was there. But we heard classic rock and roll and there was a compilation of songs from late fifties that we sort of had high exposure to because we spent a year. Our dad at the time worked for an oil contractor that took him to Latin America and we all moved to South America for a year. Oh, so We basically had this, like, hyper exposure to this type of music. Mhmm. And sort of at that impressionable time in your brain, I I was in first grade. I was, you know, six or seven. I was like I was like nine. He just almost almost like songwriting began to be in, like, hammered into our head. So there's a little bit rock and roll. Little bit of being out on an island meaning because you hear a lot of artists, they'll go, what happened? Well, I got this afflicted with, spina bifida when I was nine. So I had to stay in bed for a whole year, and all I had was this harmonica. You know? Whereas That's what John Popper says. He's you know? He said, well, if you have ten years to sit in your basement, you play harmonica. Right. Yeah. You see, I grew up in North Hollywood, and we never moved. So I was like, I wasn't gonna sit around and practice anything because the sun was shining. I had all my English speaking friends running around, and it was was always a basketball game going on or something like that, but you guys felt a little isolated. Oh, sure. At that time, yeah. What songs, by the way, were on the classic, fifties. Right? Johnny b Goode. Sure. Summertime Blues, Rockin' Robin, Good God bless you. Rockin' Robin is a great Rockin' Robin? Good God bless you all. Say Rockin' Robin. Keep it up. Rockin' Robin. Keep it up. Rockin' Robin. Keep it up. Rockin' Robin. Keep it up. Rockin' Robin. Keep it up. Rockin' Robin. That was Bobby Darren. Oh, that was Bobby Darren. Sorry. Big Bobbery was Oh, hello, baby. And that was also on that. Yeah. Hello, baby. Do I do I do I do I do? So you're Latin America with nothing but those songs? Yeah. Pretty much. From American culture. Again, that was, like, this strange like you said, it's one of those things that you could never have said, like, what's gonna happen? It was kinda like Spina Spina Bifida. Right. Sure. You you you incubate a band. All you could watch was Frasier. You'd end up with a good vocabulary. Well, basically, all I had therapist. All it was was reruns. There was reruns of MacGyver Sure. And Miami Vice. Sure. And, and and, like, a French show called Elo, Elo, which is amazing. But actually, it's an English show. Or an English show. Yeah. About a friend about a French physicist. War one two. This is a wasn't they did a great well, yeah. They did a great is this a coasters? No. No. It's no. It's, it's, I love you. Day. The coasters are, Get a Job and Charlie Brown and, Poison Ivy and Cover. Yeah. They're on an early Oh, one of the first song about calamine lotion. Guys, I love her others. Yeah. Which because now, actually, that could come back. But The stage is true. Gets to you right now. The only thing that's funny about or sort of sad and weird about, like, the coasters, if you go to, like, Laughlin, it's like the coasters. Appearing on stage tonight, there's, like, five black guys, average age 24, and you're like, It's like the ten One? Yeah. Your tenancies are the same way. Yeah. So you're not a coaster, like, it's like a it's like the accent line around the coaster. Right. Right. Yeah. The the rest of the coaster is already even broken. What if that had happened to Hanson? That That was one of you and then some other We're working on that. We wanna kind of franchise the brand. We're licensing the brand. We're trying to find a couple of young kids with long hair. It's it's really a lost start franchising of band names. I mean, we've been playing in every city in America simultaneously. Yeah. Like the Pussycat Dolls. Exactly. Totally. But I don't think this playing, do they play even? They just kind of Hands and no. They lip sync and dance, man. Oh, your other hands and dance? No. No. No. No. No. Where he gets to really present. Pussycat Dolls shimmer. Yeah. The shape of the song. Sing. Maybe they're supposed to sing. But who who cares anymore? I can't even figure out. I you know what? I I'm there's this weird nationality that didn't exist when I was a kid, which is we had black, white, Mexican when I was a kid, and then there's Asian. And now there's this in between nationality. And you go, is she Hawaiian? She seems too thin. Like, you don't know what the hell is going on. What's with all these chicks? It's like their hair is straight, but their skin is dark, but they're not black. Is that what happened? Yeah. What happened? What happened to Nicole Scherzinger? She cares of everything. What is she? Alright. She's pretty. Yes. She's got a great voice. Everyone's white there. Alright. So so you can show this up. We have 40 different Indian nations. All Oh, right. Kind of a last risk. You know, it's all of the all the Indian tribes came to Oklahoma. Oh, yeah. Yeah. We've got a And then there's a there's a large Hispanic population and Yep. Thankfully, you know, we don't have we don't have a lot of redheads. Because we don't have a And us. A border. Did you did you come, so then you come back to Oklahoma, and is that when Well, I mean, this is super, super early. I mean, pretty quickly, we we started harmonizing. Zach was so young. I mean, your brother, so you can sort of it's different than forming a band in your teens. I mean, you're like, oh, we'll be a rock band. So we just started harmonizing together, and then people would sort of say, wow. That was great. And you'd sing for a couple you'd sing for the cousins, and then you'd sing wind up at grandma's house and she's real proud. And she's like, oh, boy. Sing a song for my friend. And so you you start doing that. And then at some I mean, still super early, there was an arts festival in Oklahoma and Tulsa, and they had sort of a community stage where you could go audition to kinda get your slot. Right. And we, you know, we went and we did it. And the three of us sang nineteen fifties covers and some songs that we had written. We'd, you know, had written songs that were sort of It sounded strange that they like nineteen fifties. They were songs that were they were just clearly directly influenced by that period. Do you remember the names of any of them? Yeah. There's, there's a song called Rain, which is, rain falling down. It's about an octave lower than it was. Well, that was particularly low for that song. And there was a song. There were songs about, you know, our siblings because we're you know, we have some other siblings and our we have three oldest of seven kids. And, I mean and and, you know, it's just one of those things that once we did a gig, we basically, we got another gig every time we did a gig. Right. And it's And then 300 of them later. We did. And so then we you know, pretty quickly, it was like, wow. People like this. And you start to get your chest puffed up because you you look at, you know, musicians that you admire. And then at some point, I remember thinking, okay. I'm a huge fan of Michael Jackson and, you know, the Beach Boys and Elvis and stuff, but we can do this. Like, we're as good I mean, you don't think you're Elvis or whatever, but you're like, we can do this. Yeah. So then you start to get real serious about it, and we began making, you know I remember after we did a we did a show, we did a show and we got a standing ovation. And I remember immediately after that looking at our mom as we were driving in the car from the gig. And I said to our mom, mom, we gotta make a we gotta make a record. Because at that point, you we were probably, like, 12 and How old is Zach at that point? Just a little. He was in a car at the end of the day. Let's just be honest. Let's just be honest. So the first couple years, Zach was like Zach was being dragged along for the first couple years. Right. It was just It was kinda like, if you play this game, you'll get a new GI Joe. Yay. But he can harmonize. That's what's amazing. And and and, you know, it was sort of like just one of those it's either there or it's not. You know? Right. And then you try and you you kind of work on the craft. But we we made three we actually made three sort of indie records, two of which were, like, fully printed and, like, artwork and that we sold The others were dubbed before we were actually signed. You know? We played for we've five years. And how did you get discovered and signed? We at some point along the way, it was about four years into being a band, we met a young attorney who said, I wanna be your manager. Busking on the streets At South by Southwest. South by Southwest. So he was just he was just he hit he just got there. Actually Dave Matthews, one of Dave Matthews' attorneys. Really? Originally. And he was there. He was just like a young kind of bright eyed guy from Richmond and was basically the only guys that didn't just look at us and be like, you're freaks. You know? What are you doing here? He was like, what are these little kids doing here singing harmonies with the little backing. And so we, you know, we just kind of, you know, in our confident, you know, self confidence, blind self confidence said, we're Hanson. We're this we're a band. You know, we write some songs. We sang some of our records. Sang them for him. And then, he ended up quitting his job and becoming our manager and sort of saying, I'm gonna help get you signed. Moved to LA and just went scorched earth. Like, we're gonna get signed. Everybody turned us down. I mean, it was like Over and over and over again. This is the grunge era. You know? It's like Oh, sure. You know? What year what year are we talking about? It's like '95. Right. Ninety four, '90 '5. Right. Ninety five ninety four, '90 '5. I mean, everybody's like, what the heck? You guys are Jackson five ish, but you're long blonde hair, and you're from Oklahoma, and you Right. And then also at the same time too, we were writing songs and getting friends of ours who were better musicians than we were to make tracks for us to sing the songs live. And then and then we became a band, and so we would go from singing stuff to backing tape in and at the beginning of our show, playing, you know, as a three piece band and then singing a couple songs to a backing tape because that was the way the songs were playing. Labels. I mean, all the, like, huge guys that are still big leagues now. You know, we had we had, you know, MCA. We had to sit down with them, you know, other lots of big labels, all turned us down. And then one A and R guy that sort of got, you know, was like the third person at Mercury to get it, sort of was told by the president of the label at Mercury at the time, look, go see these kids play. And it was this crappy gig that we had in in Coffee. Kansas. It's one of those things where Chuck E. Cheese. Yeah. It was It was Chuck E. Cheese. Could've been that bad, but it was more like Zack was in the ball pit with a Shrukey. Yeah. But bear him out. It would have been better than never left. On back in Skee Ball. Dude. Yeah. Exactly. Zack running in with, you know, pile of tickets from Sure. Come on. But it it was worse than that because it was more like it was the watch paint dry show, you know, where everybody there like, if we'd walk out with if we'd walk out with with tracks of us playing a Garth Brooks cover, we would have been a huge hit. But we did Right. Which the the, you know, the six year old that went on before us did do terribly and was a huge hit. But me and the being seen by the this A and R guy came, Steve Greenberg, who we, continue to have a relationship with over years. And, you know, he ate sauce playing on the back of this, you know, you know, tractor trailer stage, full that stage, and then, you know Yeah. Exactly. Ended up getting signed by Mercury and and made it went to make a record the following summer. So And then and then Hanson mania hit when after? The next year. The next year. We made we made the record in '96, and it released early into '97. And so as that rec as that year went on, spring of ninety seven was when Umbop was really released. And then The thing that's interesting is I really think that we the the sort of blind confidence is a good, you know, phrase for us at the time because we really never got into this to be, like, successful as kids particularly. There you go. You know? We were just That's us. That's before. That's our friend's wedding. Singing at a friend's wedding. Yeah. Like, you know, as little kids. We didn't get into this thinking, like, you know, we're really cute right now. We could really make a buck. You know? We just were so young and we could do it and we were really ambitious. And and so I think Really ambitious. That record coming out, it it was one of those you know, it was a timing thing. It was that, hopefully, it's about the music. I think real hopefully, our you know, in time, that's always what it's about is that the songs survive and the music survives. But, you know, it was so in contrast to everything else with the with going on. I think that was part of sort of the the, you know, woah, the snap, you know, the tune with that record. Was there any, one of those be careful what you wish for moments? I mean, you know, while your van was being overturned by Asian teenagers or something. We did have a few circumstances like that, actually. You know what was the year the yeah. Indonesian in particular. One of the it's actually funny though because we had a, an unusual set of circumstances to leading up to that record being released because we, figured out early on, one, that the girls reacted. And what we ended up doing was doing elementary, middle, and high school performances. Like, when we were still doing local gig, we all of a sudden assemblies. Yeah. A principal a principal was like, you guys should come play our school. We did one. We're like, oh, great. Okay. We're this is good. And it turns out a big gig. And it turns out that We get to stand on stage saying don't do drugs, buy our CD. You know? Exactly. It was Stuff like that. And then all of a sudden, the the the in particular, two girls were reacting. I know. And so you have the early by the way. You have the early reaction. They give you 80% of the auditorium door. That's a two milk minimum. Yes. They get all the money from the switch. The real money is the juice box. The chocolate milk and the juice boxes, so they're happy to just put asses and seats at those auditoriums. Absolutely. You guys started out, of course, adorable, but you've all grown into, like, really good looking men. Yeah. You know what? Happen. I I you know what normally you know what normally happens? Normally happens is, what happens to, Clint Howard. Now listen. You gotta find a picture of Clint Howard circa Gentle Ben and then a picture of Clint Howard today. And and and by the way, you can do Johnny Whitaker while while you're at it. Circa family Okay. This is Clint Howard. He was in Gentle Bend. That's Ron Howard's Yeah. Ron Howard's younger brother was a tow hannon He was a little kid. Kid. Kind of tow. He was adorable little kid who turned into this monster. No. So I guess right. Yeah. The guy put Kelly Kelly Leek in the bad news bears. Oh, yeah. Oh, but, no, he was always an animal. What? He was a He was a greasy monster and bad news bears. Look. You're you're never gonna do better than Clint Howard. And I was funny. I have a you know, Jimmy's cousin, Sal, his son looks like Clint Howard, sir, when but when Clint Howard was three. And every time I say your son looks like Clint Howard, it's like, I'm gonna punch you, dude. I mean, no. Wow. Like the old Clint Howard, like, when he was alright. That's pretty good. But I now you're gonna find Johnny Whitaker from Family Fair. Like I said before. And because we think of you guys You guys don't turn out handsome. Really? It's exceedingly handsome. I mean, not just regular. Because our and his name is confusing, like, similar to handsome. Yeah. Yeah. That you hatch. It's so close. It's so close. But because we hatch yes. I used to get that in South America. Alright. Here's Johnny here's Johnny Whitaker. Alright. Oh, okay. This is now it's just starting to be like, this is the cause. Really bad. Me too. It's alright. Making me feel bad. I always think of you as young because that's how we were introduced to you. Sure. So it's weird to see you with wedding rings. Mhmm. Yeah. And I think some of you have kids. Oh, we all Oh, we all have kids. Have kids. Everyone's got kids. Oh my god. Are we old? I I have one. Wow. But you got kids. And one Yes. December. I do. Oh my god. You have two. You know you know what you need to do? You need to go. Everyone you meet, you go, hi. I'm, Zach, the, drummer from Hanson, and I have kids. Man, are you old? Oh my god. Like, you just go, hold up. Wait a minute. I was, like, 30 and living with Ralph at La Crescenta when you were eight. Eight. You had a diaper on while you're playing it. You can't hilarious. You know what I was just thinking? If I didn't have a kid right now I have a one year old, but if I didn't I couldn't feel more spinstery than if the young he's got a two and a half year old, and he's the youngest one. Youngest one. I I I've said every single baby because that's that's actually about a year and a half old. That was in People magazine a couple yeah. But last year, I have four kids. Oh my gosh. Yeah. How many do you have? Isn't that crazy? I have two. I have two boys, a two year old and a three year old. The I just don't think that, even from our perspective, I think you you know, you you have your life, you know, that you you have your kids, you're either dad. It's almost like a different head, a different, you know, you you you see yourself in that role. But if you really step back from when you go, gosh, this is the fact that we all you know, between us, we have seven kids and And everybody probably has this, but do they are they musical? Do they harmonize? I know they're little. There I mean, there's definitely music. I mean, I I know at my house and they I mean, mine are the oldest. My my oldest is almost eight, believe it or not. I mean, and, there's definitely music. I mean, I it's kind of the scary thing of, you know, you don't ever want your kids to go into your profession because you know all the pitfalls. Yeah. You know, you're sort of like if they do if you become a doctor, you can't feel every every pain they go through. Yeah. You know? But But in a way, you should be a little bit of a tour guide. You'd be their Sherpa Oh, absolutely. To navigate this horrible world. But it's a tricky we well, we the other joke we've had is, you know, what we could do is we could get them we could train them in stuff like, you know, cello, you know, and like saxophone and horn section. So now all of them, you know, now you get like You're listening to everything. Musicians cost money. Right? Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. They're indentured servants. Right. Kids are slave labor. Right. Kids have waited a second way. Speaking of, speaking of labor, you guys wanna play something little photos? Yeah. Sure. I got you all, set up here. Yeah. I was surprised to hear they have four younger siblings. Yes. Yeah. I didn't know that either. We do have four. It's just a Shocking. We're not more fair. No. We're not we're not We're not We're not We're not Catholic Mormons. We're not Catholic Union. Our parents just really love each other. Oh, man. Stop right there. Right? Yes. That gets really awkward really fast. So, yeah. I guess Nine nine. What you're gonna start with. Sing my song. We believe that this is the first single from the new album. And, yeah, it goes like this. I'll think about something. I'm an open heart video. One, two. Am I on the yeah. Let's get it out there. Shout it out now on, Amazon and iTunes and retailers Hanson, you guys, man, that sounded great. Beautiful. Great harmonies, by the way. I love listening to some harmonize. They've been doing it their whole lives. Let's go back to the old school thing like you were talking about. Yeah. And your piano playing is phenomenal. Oh, thanks. Yeah. Yeah. It's easy to distract. He's like, what about my drum and pitch deck? My Apple drums. Playing unbelievable. He's he loves he loves mecca. Just go home. You know what he's saying? You guys wanna, sit back down? We'll do a little news, bring it home. And then for the, Stitcher extra content, I guess we'll, play another hand song. That, You're at your disposal. That is crazy. A little bit longer. Just a little now. The rest of the news. I know. That really is With the Are you out of the way? Boys, girls? There are three girls and another boy. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. Have you ever met the Jonas Brothers? We've actually almost crossed barely crossed paths. It's it's it's kind of an odd thing because they've they've reached out to us a few different times, but there's this I I don't know if they're nervous to meet us. It's I I because we've never up to you. Well, it's a weird thing because they've actually reached out to us in several different scenarios and then kind of it's like, woo, not happen. Handsome. Oh, really? Hey. That's great. Let's love to meet you. Why not? You know? Handsome big time them. Yeah. I don't know. Yeah. You big time them? I we didn't do anything. It's just one of those it's actually several different times. Like, Kevin and, we met we met Kevin's wife, at at the last New York show. At the last New York show, it was like a few months before they got pitched to treaties. You know, first, you send the secretary of state and the president kind of Anyway, they seem like nice guys. I'm I'm guessing I'm just doing sort of some sort of age math. They were probably in those very formative years digging what you three were doing when those three were getting their s**t together. They're not see, they were a lot older than we were when they when they vertical ever. They're just a few years younger than we are. Sort of like Right. I think they're just what maybe I think is Kevin a couple years younger than you. I feel like they're He's like 22, 20 three somewhere there. Anyways. Well, the only group, that broke younger than you guys was the, zygotes. Which, Yeah. It's hard to Michael Jackson actually did because Zac is the youngest Grammy nominated songwriter, but Oh, really? Not not the youngest Grammy nominated performer. Second trimester in the Zygotes, I think. Fantastic. Yeah. Yeah. Michael Jackson was something like a month. Son of a b***h. I beat you by a month. But Yeah. Yeah. A month because, was it We're splitting hairs. Yeah. But odds are all out living. Yeah. Yeah. You show them. Okay. Dark. The dark hits it. Yeah. I like that. It was dark. It's Unexpected. Where's the dong ball? Now what did he, what was I'm trying to think of what he's he did, I don't know, a b c or I want you back or something like that. Probably is that the question? Yeah. That was their first single. I want you back. Love that song. Good song. Such a good pop song. Such a good song. Which, you know, those those records are so deceptively complicated. The the arrangements are really, really great. Those Motown guys. I know. They were just so layered. It was so so amazing. But, yeah, but something like I Want You Back is just, it's just great. ABC is great. And there's, what other one? I think they're in the record books, if I remember correctly. It's something like The Love You Say only band. Love You Say. That's a great great pop song. Yeah. You actually, we have a lot of stuff. How many more, like, classic pop songs can we break into during this? If you guys could break into tears of a clown, that's another great Oh, yes. Great pop. No. I don't know that with my heart. How does it sound? I always Do do do. It's got an oboe in it. See, I always wanna Do do do. And then it's got a great bassline. Oh, yeah. Smokey rhymes. See, I always want whenever I hear chisels, I have this weird bass where I always wanna sing. Take a good look on my face. Yeah. It's great. Turn it up. Let's hear some Smokey. That's the great bass line. Yeah. I'll leave it on. We gotta keep going now. You can do it. But if you listen you listen to the arrangements, turn it up now. You can notice It's an oboe back there. Right? Yeah. Well, that's a lot of orchestral mixing and stuff going on with the early Beach Boys and the Bus Town stuff that Yeah. No. That's that's why. In a lot of ways, it's it's part of the lost song message and a lot of loud music. Well, and and that's a lot of Phil Spector's influence on these records. Like, he was a Wallace Sacks. Everlane on the Street? Yeah. Yeah. He had a few skeletons in the closet, literally. It's it's definitely it's one of the things that the sort of between the economy and the synthesizer, we got kinda screwed because it's just Yeah. Never gonna be be that era again where you just go, look. We need 80 session musicians to come in here. They just won't do it anymore. It's just it can be done other ways. It's cheaper. And it's it's union sing yeah. That is a strange thing where sort of like the union you know, the culture of, like, we're gonna get more for actually sort of killed Yeah. The the the actual musician culture of just being a jerk. You know? Sure. After part of the song, do you guys ever see, Standing in the Shadows of Motown, the documentary? Yes. Yeah. Amazing. It's a really fantastic film. And just because we're in serious old school music talk, we on this record, one of the one of the great things about this new record was we were able to sort of connect with Motown in a major way. One is we recorded most of the records recorded on what was a Motown console for years in old Neeve. But other bass player we brought in at the end was Bob Babbitt. He's one of the only white guys that played in the Motown. Record? He's a butt brother in that group. Bob is like I mean, he's Like, James James James James James James and Bob Abbott are the guys. And Bob came in and played about half the record. What a what an amazing guy. It's so incredible to sit here and and talk with him. He talked the stories about being in the car with little Stevie Wonder. Sure. And Stevie jumping up in the driver's seat and driving towards straight to the wall until they you know, I've had to Just about making everyone crap their pants. Yeah. And, but he's one of those guys that is is like mafiosa combined with a good fella combined with Midwestern. Midwestern. Sure. You know? Kind of sickness. Protection program. Yeah. He's a and he's an amazing player and and Got a cool dude. The Amazing. The other doc is the wrecking crew doc, if anyone's ever seen that, which is the guys I think they work for A and M, but they work for everyone. They're always in the background. So It was all when you hear Charles stuff and Mamas and the Papas and all those hit songs from the days. Like, if you listen to California Dreamin' or something, you realize, wait a minute. There were four people in the band, and three of them didn't play an instrument. How the hell did they come up with that huge sound? And then you realize, oh, there was a group, and they're called the Wrecking Crew, and they're just a session session musicians who were man. They did all those songs. Yep. They did every one of them. By the way, Motown in the news because Aretha Franklin's biopic is becoming a movie, and she has Halle Berry in mind to play herself. Oh, s**t. I have Halle Berry in mind to play me. I mean, I'm gonna have Halle Berry in mind. There there's only musician for Godson. Probably the only successful musician slash actor out there, Jennifer Hudson is the only person that could Jennifer, you gotta pack the weight back on, baby. I gotta do it. I just thought it was No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. Very. What's that? Not really that part. She was really that part. She was really that part. Really slim early on. Yeah. Yeah. She had great big fan Thursday. She wants Smokey Robinson to be played by Terrence Howard. That makes sense. That makes sense. And then she wants her father to be played by Denzel Washington. Sure. We're good till Sandy and this summer. Grandma played by Denzel Washington. Brother to be played by Blair Underwood. Mhmm. So Take a deep. Okay. If if that's not If Halle Berry seeing that. Plays that, I am I don't know. I'm gonna have to do something. I'll tell you what I can see, facially, there are some similarities. No. Not really. No. Here's the deal. Look. Look at Jennifer Hudson. Aretha has been big for a while because if you take a look at the Blues Brothers Which was which was thirty years ago, and she Thirty years, she was still a big gal back then. But she was a medium at that point. Medium large. She's she's Yeah. She was a husky back then. You know, she was big and good. I'm just saying Big and good is a good one. It's kind of it's kind of weird that she's still around in in my own in my own morbid way. I bet you so. I mean Is it this it's really dangerous if I'm taking the song. There's a biopic about Exactly loves Michael Jackson. We will saying is if you wish death upon a man a few moments ago, but all I'm saying is come on. Usually, real heavy set women of color don't see sixty five. You know what I mean? She's she's been big for a long time. She reminds me the music that you our new music video is an ode to the Blues Brothers from the song that we just play. We see it? I mean, just Well, you can see it on on our website. It's all around the home page. But it's on MySpace. It's on v h it's on v h one. It's been on v h one. We'll talk about the music industry changing. American Idol has partnered with MySpace. They've just started auditioning for the next season. Oh, really? You can submit your audition video to Myspace. Oh, this just in Jack Black, slated to play Aretha? Play the role of her bosom. Oh my bosom. Who plays the right? Bobcat Goldthwait. Just put her weight back on there. Hell, you're playing the right bosom. That's good casting. I think they work well together, though. They're in a bro. You never see them. Right. Yeah. But they sort of have to the same size. Yeah. Mhmm. Thinking about that. They say yellow and blue together. Who's gonna play your bosom? So you say Jack Black and the pop cap. God. Yeah. Bobcat Cobain Jack Black. More serious? How about Philip Seymour Hoffman? Esteban Esteban. Bosom. Yeah. Yes. That's right. You're right. Because he can kinda play both. He's really funny. Yeah. He can probably play both bosom. He can really be he can Yeah. He's that jerk. He's that good. Yeah. He's probably yelling at his age. Those are two extraordinarily creepy shots of both of them. Yeah. I know. Really more of the rapist kind of look that's going on. Yeah. It's Mhmm. Bobcat is actually a lovely man. It's interesting how you remember him. Bobcat. He's know him well. I love he's directed a couple movies Yeah. Which are dark and brilliant. He's Mhmm. Is really kind of a surprising guy. I mean, I we've only met we met him a couple times. Good friend. Good guy. Yeah. Love that, love that Bobcat. Yeah. But we but we got one. This We we got that. This is this is We're just putting Bob and, Jack wear Aretha's bosom. I don't think they're I think Jack would have to put on a couple get up to Nacho Libre weight, Jack. Let's see if we can get you in that bra. And you know Jack's yelling at his agent. You know, I only play a*s cheeks, Marty. I don't do bosoms. If you're a hopeful between 15 and 28, you can submit an audition video. Mhmm. Forty seconds in length. Forty seconds? Wow. Forty seconds. Yeah. That's all you got. Wait. You know what? All I gotta say is that's Oh, look. Let's be American Idol is not about ultimately about talent. It's about purse it's about it's about the cult of personality. But if if there was a you know, if this was 1993 Break it out. Come on. Break it out. I'm just I was waiting for you to drop it. I'm like, yeah. Living color. Living color. Yeah. But if this was 1993, don't you think a young Hanson could have done forty seconds worth of rockin' Robin? Oh, yeah. Press somebody. Hell, yeah. Well, there you go. They would have been America's Got Talent Yes. More like. But we never I mean, we never They would have been on to be honest. America doesn't have pubes yet. Is there a recovered memory? Coming. That was there was there some kind of, like, Doctor Pepper commercial audition? Yes. Yes. That that's one of the strange things that has got gone under the radar for the most part. But we we want to do a new doc Doctor Pepper commercial because there's no one on the planet that has a better, like, full circle Love of Doctor Pepper. Love of Doctor Pepper than where we're from. And I'm not even Everybody drinks it. Right. So she'd come around. Okay. We're we're done with that deleted card. I'm sorry. It's a good song that doesn't get played that much anymore. Great players, man. Yeah. They slipped through the cracks. Mhmm. The song slipped through the cracks. Oh, that oh, yeah. Basically, Lenny Kravitz, like Right. Took what they were doing and, like, tried to create it. He took he took that and and some, Jimmy and some Led Zeppelin and then did it. And a feather boa. Yeah. Yeah. I've decided, by the way you know, like, when I was thinking, why the hell did he remake American Woman? Because that song was horrible. And, the Guess Who's version is a horrible, horrible version of any songs. Like, they just keep it go, boy, leave you woman. Bye bye. It's like a nine minute song where at the end, you're no good for me. I'm not trying to we get it. You don't like our American b***hes. How about you stay in f**king cannon? Shut the f**k up. But he played that I'm convinced that Lenny Kravitz picks his songs by how he looks playing them in front of a mirror. Now he doesn't like, he probably tells his agent, I don't I don't wanna hear the song. I wanna see what it looks like when I stand in front of a full length mirror and play it. Here's a no. I think you picked it because they said, hey, Lenny. If you cover this song, we'll release it as a single from the Austin Powers movie. It I think it was about I think that's what it was about. I I I don't know what I hate more. I love trying to say something funny. You're trying to see something funny. Did you just crap on Adam's porn? But I don't play guitar. How about leaving the jokes to Adam? I just play a tongue in a quick wit. Can I move on to another story? Go ahead. Yes. Let me let me pray on it. This is a story about circumcision. Interesting. Light stuff. Just something light. Eight days after her son Man, and you're just kinda Sorry. Yeah. I know. Security. This is well, this is actually becoming a bigger and bigger conversation amongst new parents whether or not to circumcise Mhmm. Their sons. I know it's kind of a big decision for me. Yeah. Mine was easy. I didn't want any I know I've met more than one chick who's weirded out by the foreskin. Right. So I said, you know what? He's a Carolla. He's gonna have trouble getting laid as it is. Oh my god. Just when they hear the name, they'll know he's a beat off legacy. And I want this kid to have every chance he could possibly have to get laid. Expect just because his last name's Carolla that he's gonna be able to masturbate as much as you do? Well, I know It's a lot of pressure. It's gonna be tough when the high school girls find out. And all I'm saying is is I want this guy to have all the wind at his back that he can possibly have. I don't want him to freak out any chicks with that prepuce. That's all I'm saying. Well, this woman was dead set against her child not being circumcised. She made that very clear. The kid was in the neonatal intensive care unit eight days old. And it got done anyway. That's right. She just wanna take a shower and change her clothes. When she got back to the hospital, little Mario had been circumcised by mistake. She's now suing the hospital, not for a medical mistake, but for assault and battery on her newborn. She's asking $1,000,000 for the, quote, deformity caused by the circumcision. Yeah. I'm sure the judge who's been cut probably doesn't like the fact that she's calling it a deformity because she's been putting a deformity heading to the bathroom. There's only one key question for jury screening. Right. So Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. There you go. She she needs to cover things that are actually news. Like, that happens I'm sure. I mean, there's the point. That. It's a it's a perfect crime for her because there's no real victim. I mean, her her her her son will probably be better off for it. And she gets a million bucks because someone's definitely gonna, you know, lose. If you slip on a, a, you know, spill coffee in your lap at a McDonald's, you can get a million bucks. This is Oh, you know what? They have a bumper sticker for that. It's called s**t Happens. Ah, great. You think it's judge. The mom, 30 Life life happens. Whatever you wanna say. The mom is unmarried and Latino. She says she's culturally opposed to circumcision, and the baby's father who's of Cuban descent agrees. They are saying it's horrific. Yeah. From jail or Cuba or a coffee can that he's floating home in or, like, what? They spoke through an attorney. Awesome. In a prepared release, the hospital said the circumcision was unfortunate. This is according to ABC News. And, you know, people who are against circumcision, they're called inactivists. Oh, really? What? That's what they call it. Instead of because you shouldn't do anything. You should just leave the nothing? Oh, thank god. Intact. No. That's just confusing. Mhmm. Yeah. Well, there's a the biggest drop in circumcision is actually among whites. Statistically, as far as the Latino population, they tend not to circumcise and that hasn't changed, says, doctor Ari Brown, an Austin, Texas Pediatrician. Yeah. African Americans are a mixed bag. That's a good gig. What are you, Mexican c**k expert? Why? Why is there a problem with the Mexican c**k? I'll hop on a plane. What do you need to know? That match being that guy. Alright. Can you please drop your pants? Yeah. This is my partner. He's a Mexican sack expert. Together, we're unstoppable. Says the doctor, the biggest change is in Caucasians. They do it a bit less now. Oh, really? So They do it less or they They certainly say population is on the So the the the white population on the decline Yeah. Others. Flats are flatlining and the blacks are flatlining. Flag, they said. I don't know what that means. But, yeah. So the biggest decline is amongst white Whitey. Does insurance cover that? I I I mean and I shouldn't say insurance, but what I mean is is if if you if you're just let's say you have no insurance and you go to the hospital and you go, I'm gonna have my kid. Like, what are you gonna do? I'm throwing my my belly on the mercy of the court. And they go, okay. We'll we'll deliver your kid. So we deliver your kid. Then you go, oh, now I'd like it's essentially like you getting a free car wash and going, now now I need a wax job. And I'm going, listen. You're lucky to get the car wash Right. And it's fine the way it is. Are the circumcisions being handed out? And then that would definitely help in to explain the disparity between certain cultures. Obviously, poor cultures, if it ain't covered by insurance or you don't have insurance, then is it grottoes or not? Yes. Or incision. Are they saying that this are they saying that she wasn't that she was not paying any or or that or that's that's that's being assumed by the hospital? Saying Culturally, you have no money and you go to the county hospital, you go down to county, you have to circumcised. I will fetch you there's some sort of Moils Without Borders thing or something. I'm just gonna say, I I just paid a rabbi six hundred bucks, so I don't know. The hospital didn't charge me. I did it. Tip? Oh, that's your tip. Oh, you did it at home. Yeah. I did it at home. The tip. Yeah. They do it at home. Do you guys have a stance on it? You have boys. We have boys. I think that's a pretty honestly, I'm just gonna not purely because we have sort of, you know Private penis. Fans or you know, I don't know. It's it's something I'd rather not, like, go into, but I I think that I think that there's a lot of debate on it. I think that it should if somebody I I can imagine how if somebody did that when you didn't intend it. I I can imagine being pretty pretty You're soft. I know a couple people that Regardless of whether it's valid. Doctor Drew is very pro circumcision. Well, HIV transmission and other STDs are Medically, medically, there is no their circumcision is cleaner And healthier. And healthier. The the point is this There's a lot of debate about it. It it falls under the heading of who cares and if you wanna do it, do it. You know? It's like it's sort of like pot, the pot debate, the foreskin debate, whatever else. Like, look. That's your into f one. 50 percent less likely to transmit? I'm gonna not say percentage. That way, I don't have to We don't have to eat. Yeah. Yeah. Smart. Alright. Tee, bring us home with the last story. Okay. Well, the last story from Star Magazine. They're once again claiming that Ashton Kutcher has been cheating on his wife, Demi Moore. Earlier this month, Ashton threatened to sue the tabloid over a report that alleged he was seen making out with a girl other than his wife at a Los Angeles restaurant. The latest issue of Star has an interview with a 21 year old described as look alike who says she met Ashton at a California bowling alley in July. The woman claims that even though Ashton was there with Demi and some other people, he struck up a conversation with her. Before he left, he slipped him her phone number and just days later wound up having sex with Ashton on a sofa in the house he shares with Demi. Said the woman, I felt totally comfortable in his arms. It was tender and nice, not some random sex act. Not surprisingly, Kutcher is denying the story. His his lawyer talked to another tabloid, US Magazine, and said Star Magazine continues to publish lies about Ashton Kutcher and many other celebrities. This is not the first nor will it be the last time they engage in reckless conduct. He punked their marriage. Do you think that's what he did? Could've been. Yeah. So it's all a joke. Well, it's weird because his the it it's his character, like, when he does those camera commercials, it's always like Ashton single at a cool swanky Hollywood party and, like, hot chicks. Like, oh, it's Ashton Kutcher. And it's kinda weird. Like, hey. The guy's been married for ten years. Like, what Why is why is his character James Bond? You know? Like, where's his old lady? Like, it's it's kinda so he kind of that's sort of the thing they push out there. Maybe they got a little bit of a deal going on. You know what I'm saying? Oh, now we're seeing we're seeing a commercial right here. Wow. Love this Internet. But, yeah, he's just in every one of these things, he's either at a restaurant or a party, and there's a bunch of hot chicks, like, checking them out, and he's wandering around. And it's never like there's some 50 year old chick at the bar going, get your a*s over here. I'm hitting menopause. I got a hot flash. Let's go. Bring around the minivan. Now he's the life of the party. Chicks are checking him out. He's flying solo. Right? Yeah. Yeah. I have So what does that mean about what what what's what's the Well, at least this is sort of what they're pushing or they're putting out. Like Tempting fate, really. Demi could have said to him, hey. Ashton, you got a ton of dough. I got a ton of dough. I don't like seeing commercials where you run around flirting with 23 year old chicks, especially when I'm 48. Yeah. You know what I mean? Totally. But it's it's cool with her. She's been around. You know, she kinda has that I think her mom was kinda hippie ish, and she was married to Bruce Bruce Willis, and they're friends, and their kids are friends, and Bob you know, they're friends with Ashton and uncle Ash and all that. Maybe there is an element of, listen. You wanna, hop on a random 21 year old you meet over at the lanes every once in a while? So be it. Well, the good news for Ashton is that he can take to his Twitter feed and defend himself because as you know, he has, what, couple of bazillion followers. Are you guys on Twitter? Yes. We are. Yeah. We are. Nowhere close to that. Not yet. Not once this podcast airs. I went on David Allen Greer's Twitter, and he has 8,000 followers and 400 or 4,000 friends. Like, literally, he's he's he's subscribed to He's following 4,000. Four thousand. It's like, how many Wayne's brothers could there be? And eight and literally eight years Listen. Between Simmons and Damashek, that's my whole Twitter feed. That's I mean Yeah. I mean, we we literally would you look at David Allen Greer here for a second? That is bizarre. How is he following 4,000 people? Nobody can follow for it's it's like it's like the old lady that lived in a Twitter shoe. I think he can't take care of all those kids. Maybe that's kinda one of those not totally hip to cash weighted attention. Maybe he just follows everyone of us. I love I love him. He's hilarious. He is. We love him. I love him. I love him. I love him. I like to hear he goes. He was here. We were here yesterday. Oh, was he really? Yeah. Oh, he's great. Yeah. We have a respectable Twitter following. We have about 40 plus thousand followers. But Wait. But you're not following 20,000 people. Right? No. We're following, like Like, 50. 50 or something? Yeah. Yeah. That's about the average amount. I'd say, Brian, how many do you follow? Much less than that. Much less than 4,000? Yeah. Someone in the neighborhood who doesn't. Alright. Tea. Should we, bring it on home? That was the news. The news. Facts. With Teresa Strawser, eat a dick MSNBC. Alright. Hanson is gonna, hang out, and we'll do a little Stitcher extra content, I do believe, with them. You guys gonna play another song for us? Absolutely. Awesome. I should, also tell you guys that Shout It Out is, available on Amazon as we speak, iTunes, also, music retailers everywhere. And they're going out on tour. They're going on the, shout it out tour 02/2010, September seventeenth, eighteenth, and nineteenth. They're gonna be in Los Angeles, San Diego, and San Francisco. So working your way down the coast, and you guys can, find them. Your website, www.hanson.net. Easy. And, you can Twitter them at, Hanson Music. And, check out where they're gonna be, their new music and their dates and all that stuff. They're good guys. We support them, so you should too. Also, I should, talk about, Pinnacle College. That's right. They do video game sound design and recording engineering programs. See, you guys ain't Hanson. You probably don't know what you're doing by the age of six months. Many of you are young and don't know what you wanna do right now. How about instead of putzing around junior college for another five years, you get into something that actually has an end and then a payday insight. How about you check out our friends over at Pinnacle College? Their graduates have recording engineer programs, and they won Emmys and Grammys and Oscars. And who knows? Maybe you can engineer the next Hanson record. Do they say record anymore? Record. Nine to twelve months. It's okay. Nine to twelve months is all it takes. Check them out at pinnaclecollege.edu. That's pinnaclecollege.edu, or give them a call toll free. (888) 590-8824. So until next time, this is Adam Carolla for Paul Bryan, Isaac Taylor, and Zach, otherwise known as Hansen, of course, Theresa Strasser saying, mahalo. And now your Adam Carolla Extra. Alright. Now for a little Stitcher extra content as promised with the one and only Hanson, and this is a oldie but a goodie, a Sam and Dave song called Hold On. I'm Coming. That sounded, awesome. And by the way, is there a worse name for a band than Sam and Dave? You know what I mean? Like, what should we name ourselves? The Shylides? The Hushtones? I don't know, Sam. What do you think, Dave? It How about Sam and Dave? You know, we don't have much more to say. We didn't branch out very far. How did that Hanson is, you know How long was this argument? How about Dave and Sam? Why is it gotta be Sam and Dave? Well, you know, Sam and Dave rolls down. And Dave. That would be a lot more. You know? Yeah. I'm talking to Hansen about Sam and Dave. Damn and Say would sort of be like Damn and say political statement here. Yeah. You know? Christian group. You know, more of a exactly. That's true. It'll be more of a a more of a religious group. Shout It Out again is the name of the album. Nice job, you guys. Thanks, Brad. Unbelievable. That was your Adam Carolla Extra. Alright. Those handsets in studio with Teresa and Brian back in 2010. Coming up next, we have Adam Carolla show six thirty seven, Jordan Rubin, Alison Rosen, and Brian Bishop from 2011. Check it out. Paul Bryan, you had an announcement? Yeah. An announcement and, hopefully, a personal favor that I can ask you. But first, we talked about Allison and I talked about on the, Todd Glass show that I hosted. You know, I'm feeling a lot better, health wise doing very well, and, life's getting back to normal, you know, for me and Christy. So one of the things that we're finally doing, we are in escrow on a house, and we're about to close escrow. Congratulations. Thanks, man. Things are going really well. It's a great house. We love it, and we're really excited about it. And I think one of the things I was hoping maybe to ask you if you would do it and maybe if one for the show, we could videotape it, is do like a little inspection, like a little walk through. Just a nice assistant over here. What can I do? Give them a notepad of things to check off. Yes. No. I, I will be more than happy to come in and do that and I'd appreciate that because you always have interesting things. I love the, show you did for TLC with the the home improvement show, and you always have interesting things to say about houses. I told my wife when I walked we're walking through the neighborhood a few years ago, and I walked into somebody's house, and they were stripping the stairs with, like, a pad sander, and they're kicking up a bunch of dust or old paint that had a bunch of lead in it. And they had, like, a two month old kid and stuff. And I said, hey, man. Don't get this stuff airborne. Use some industrial strength stripper. Use some, like, Jasco stripper. Paint it on with just a disposable brush. Not that oh, please. We'll get into that in a second. And peel it, you know, use a broad knife and whatever. And then I walked out of the house, and I said, I should charge $2,000 an hour to walk through people's houses and tell them what to do. And she went, you're such a dick. Meanwhile, they're like, who is that guy who just walked in here? Right? That's no. No. I I find I'm welcome in almost everyone's house. If there's work going on, I will walk right in off the street. I've done it a million times and just start poking and prodding. Wow. Before we start making these mistakes, we'd like to have you point out some things that maybe we didn't know. Better person other than Ty Pennington, perhaps. Oh, yeah. Of course. Because that guy is a bonafide builder. Why all the hate? Than me going through your house. So I'd be, more than happy to do that. And speaking of Todd Glass Mhmm. Todd Glass, who you just mentioned when you were doing the show with him, he was at my house on on Friday with Sarah Silverman taking a tour of my house. Four? Just wanna take a tour of my house. It's odd. It's just it's odd that you bring up Todd Glass and then you say, could you come over and take a tour of my house? And a guy who's never been to my house before came to my house to take a tour. He looks good. He's lost a ton of weight. He looks good. He then got into a, I hope you're sitting down, a Prius. And Sarah Silverman got into the Prius and started it up, I think. You don't yeah. You don't know. You don't know if it's running anymore, like at least the toaster oven has a red light on it. Right. The Prius, nothing. Mhmm. And the and then proceeded to just back into my car. No. And I was like That's awful. And I was like, I was just standing there, and I was thinking, Sarah, you don't know how to drive your own car? And she said, it's not my car. Oh. And I said, whose car is it? He said, it's Todd's car. And Todd's sitting in the passenger seat. And I said, well, why isn't Todd driving? He's like, oh, Todd's a horrible driver. And I thought You don't wanna know Todd, but it does. When you have and this is gonna sound slightly pejorative or racist or something, but female Jewish comedians, not, you know, not a lot of them have won the Brickyard five hundred. Do you know what I mean? Not known for the road racing skills or they're not even oval track folks. They're No. So when you hand the keys to your car to Sarah Silverman and say, sweetie, you drive, and evidently, she doesn't even know how to drive that car She says she drove it in my Yeah. My car. How f**king bad a driver do you have to be? And what goes on with guys these days? Like, I I swear to god. Yeah. I live four miles from the Burbank Airport. When my wife drives me drives me to the airport to drop me off to do a gig, I drive. Mhmm. And then I get out and we run around the car like a Chinese fire drill, and then I go. I will I don't even let her drive me, and she's a fine driver. I just can't stand being driven. What is with the dude? It's like, did Todd hand Sarah his keys and his balls? Yeah. He did. Up top. Yeah. What's up with comedian male comedians who do Was he drunk? Now I I wish he was. Driven there in his car? What's up with the male comedians who just go, I do nothing? I do no dude related anything. Number one, it was Todd and Sarah, so chances are probably better than fifty fifty they were stoned. Right? I was I would say they didn't seem high, but then again, if that is your natural state, then who knows? Right? I don't know. Number two, how many cars parked cars have you had backed into or hit? Because I've heard at least two stories now. I don't make contact with others, but others make contact with me. And, unfortunately, this time or maybe fortunate, I was just watching it while it You didn't watch the one you on the phone with Kimmel that one time, the car got wrecked. Well, that was completely destroyed. Yeah. That was utterly destroyed. But this was just more of a bump. You know? So this car will still okay. Well, it's just funny when the car's parked in front of you and instead of putting it in drive, you put it reverse, just bunk. And then I thought, why doesn't she know how to drive her car? And then I thought, no. No. It's she told me it's his car. He prefers to be driving. How hard is it though to dry I mean, if you don't know how to drive the car, how hard is it to drive the car? I don't know. But on the other hand, isn't a Prius just like a golf cart? Like, is that too much car for Todd to drive? I don't know. Well, either way. I've lost respect for everyone in this story. Thank you. I will, except for me and my bumper. I will gladly come to your new home and, kick the tires. Also, my book, In Fifty Years Will All Be Chicks, out on paperback. I know I mentioned that before. The reason I mentioned it again is because now I'm getting paid. We're in the black. Finally made money on that damn thing. So if you buy one, I get, like, a buck 50 a book or something. I hear that's hard to do, get booked into the black and make money off them. I don't know what the percentage of books. I mean, there's all the ones you've heard of, but it's one of those things. It's sort of like independent films for every My Big Fat Greek Wedding you've heard of. There's 250,000 films you've never heard of. I would say less than one in 10 just from what I know and just from the people I know. Maybe one in 20. I I don't know. Just from anecdotal evidence, people being like, oh, don't don't write a book for the money. You know what I mean? Like, that's sort of general advice I've got. So I'm, in the black, which is, flattering, and now I can make a I can make what I've always wanted to make is that residual check. Always wanted to make one of those. Anyway, it's got a bonus chapter. Alright. They say don't write a book for the money. They say don't become a professor for the money. They say don't open a restaurant for the money. What do they say do it for the money? Suck c**k. Yeah. I was gonna say prostitution. No. I'm sorry. My dad and I just spoke. Oh, and it he was specific that it was just c**ksucking? Just for the money. Because I that I do for the love of the sport. Which he explained did not make me gay. What does it make you? Well, an entrepreneur. If it's just for the money. Yeah. I know. You do it for the love of the game, though. I well, yeah. I have a passion. Mhmm. A passion for it. It's an art to me. And the money, that's just gravy. Mhmm. I would do it even if I didn't get paid. And what Most of the time, I don't. And you wanna know what the gravy is? Turkey gravy. White turkey gravy. The gravy is gravy. Alright. So you do, do a little news then we'll bring, doctor Spaz in for a little health beat and all that stuff. I wish it were gravy. Live from the International News Center, next to Donnie's Mini Bikes. This is the news with Allison Rosen. Former Minnesota governor Tim Pawlenty dropped out of the race for the GOP nomination Sunday, hours after coming in third in the Iowa AIMS straw poll. Michelle Bachman took first and then Ron Paul. And we have, some video of Tim Pawlenty explaining his decision to drop out. Mhmm. We needed to get some lift, to continue on and to have a pathway forward. That didn't happen. So I'm announcing this morning on your show that I'm gonna be ending my campaign for president. But I'm very, very grateful for the people of Iowa, the people of this country who I had a chance to make my case to, and for my supporters and staff and friends who've been so loyal and helpful. I really appreciate all of them. I wish it would have been different, but obviously, the pathway forward for me, doesn't really exist. And so we're gonna end the campaign. What do you think went wrong? You're a popular two term governor from a neighboring state. You had a lot of organization. You had some money at one point. Why couldn't you sell the dog food here? Well, I hope it's better than dog food. Alright. Thanks, man. Fil a. Why couldn't you sell it? Well, there's a lot of factors that go into a successful campaign. Obviously, we had some success raising money, but we needed to continue that. And and the aims was a benchmark for that. And if you didn't do didn't we didn't do well in aims, we weren't gonna have the fuel on the to keep the car going down the road. But also, there's a lot of other choices in the race. And for me, what I brought forward, I thought it was a a rational This guy's a snooze fest. No wonder you got that. Get any of your hogs to eat your slop. The money something wanna call it slop. The money, the money thing's bothersome to me that you need. That you have to raise that much to be able to stay in in the game? Yes. Because it would seem to weed out more honest people than dishonest people. And then who are you getting the money from? And is that really what it's about, how much money you can raise? Oh, Adam. And then Yes. Don't you just spend the second part of every term raising money so you can get elected to a second term? Like, I Mhmm. That whole part bothers me. Anyway. Alright. If you're suggesting that politics is corrupt, then I think you're just too cynical. I don't even know that we need it. I'd I'd like to try four years without a president and see what happened. Oh. That'd be fine with it. Most people might know. Nice. Just plateaued. Yeah. You wouldn't know. And, you know, you you you would rent out the White House for weddings and bar mitzvahs and things like that, you know, prom nights, things like that. Yes. Can you imagine the okay. So in it's just a local commercial, but in Brooklyn, there was this commercial that I used to always see where it was this woman with a thick accent talking about, like, the Great Hall Of Williamsburg, and you can have all your ceremonies there. I can't do the commercial, but it's funny. But anyway commercial. I I wish I I I can't. Do Fudgie the whale then. No. It won't it it will not do it justice. But what I'm saying is the commercials where they would be offering the White House for renting out would be amazing. Well, just how much money would we save with just we just take Air Force One and we put it in a hangar for four years? Isn't that several hundred million dollars right there? Could be more than a hundred million. It could be a billion. Billion dollars. Yeah. It's a lot of money. I know. Alright. So all we do is mothball Air Force One for four years. There's there's a billion bucks right there. That bird out of the sky. Then we rent out the We already overhauled our space program. Oh, and shoot, like, some porn in, like, the Oval Office. Whatever. Whatever. Highest bidder. Yeah. Let's get our money back. Alright. See what happens. Warrant front man Janie Lane Hope and change. Yeah. We got a hope and change. In a Comfort Inn hotel room in Woodland Hills, Thursday night. Mhmm. He was 47. Initial initial autopsy results were inconclusive, and toxicology reports are underway. Lane had battled addiction for years. Vodka and prescription pills were found at the death scene. Mhmm. Mhmm. Rich Banks sent over a tribute. Hey, everybody. This is You may wonder why I'm wearing my black warrant shirt tonight. Welcome to Bob's Classy Lady. We got a, two for one to Keys tonight. Jade, stage four. Stage four, Jade. Oh, just give me a minute here. I'm sorry. Amateur night. It's, Monday nights. Come on up, ladies. What you're grinning in? Drop your linen. Hold on. Excuse me. Give me a second here. Santana, stage four. Oh, that's Jade. I'm sorry. I'm just not myself. I'm sorry. I was up. Sorry. Here. Santana, stage three. Jade, stage four. Just do it, girl. Now, put your hands together and show me appreciate them, fellas. I gotta believe if, what's his name? Janie Lane. Janie Lane is here right now. He wants y'all to stand up, make it rain about now. Tell you what, there's a tip of the cap to Janie. Next twenty minutes, half off, all champagne. Mini bottles only. It's white. Drink of water such a sweet surprise. And, again, our prices are so cheap here at Bob's Classy Lady. We don't have a champagne room. We have a champagne room. Sweet. It's a cherry room. We've been sued by the region of France, so it's actually sparkling wine room. All our lawyers will let us say. Alright. Everyone, light a candle. I stuck it through a paper plate. Here we go. Businessman's lunch. I got a businessman's buffet. Give me a minute. I've been putting that song on my iPod. Oh. For when you're feeling too happy? That's right. Oh, boy. Nice job, Rich Banks. It's sad. Well, Jesus Christ. When he did that f**king cherry pie song, hers off that chick was smoking hot. Bobby Brown, that was her name. Right? That was her. I think so. And now and by the way, if there was that in 1989, if there was that Bobby Brown and the other Bobby Brown and it was just on a wheel and it was split right down the middle and you watch that cherry pie video, like, three times a row, you just go f**king spin that wheel. Take my chances. I'll take my g*****n chances. There's a third Bobby Brown, actually. A makeup artist, Bobby Brown. Put her on the wheel. Yeah. Put him on the wheel. Her. Put it on the wheel. Her. Yeah. Oh, here we go. Yeah. Now see He is, what, 20 when this thing comes out? I mean, we're talking about, like, '89 or I feel like it was even earlier than that. Seven or something? I mean, he's gotta be 20 I mean, early twenties. Right? I mean, died at 47? Mhmm. Jesus Christ. She's gonna be, like, 22, 20 three when this thing came out. Is he the guy that accosted you at the wedding, at Teresa's wedding, or a different guy? It was a different warrant guy who I'm sure is grieving in his own way right now. Either way alright. I don't wanna beat off to a dead guy, so let's move on. Thank you. But because normally, you beat off to him in this video? Well You just don't wanna beat off in the presence of a dead guy. No one's timing is good enough to just keep it all on body. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? Plus, they have similar hair, so I have a feeling there's moments where you're like, oh, wait. That was wrong. Yeah. He will be missed. I interviewed him. Greg Proups had a a game show called Versus. Mhmm. And I interviewed Janie Lane and Grace Greg Proups on the set of that show. And, Yeah. He was cool. Mhmm. I just didn't get to know him very well, but it's sad. Yeah. Classic combo. Proust and Lane. Lane. I know. Same dude. Proofs was the same. Joy Behar married her longtime boyfriend, Steve Janowitz, in New York Thursday night. Indeed. That comfort in. The two had been together for twenty nine years. Mhmm. I feel like because I generally feel like if people are together for eight or so years or nine and they're not they haven't gotten married yet, they're not gonna get married. And in fact, if the girl wanted to get married, I would say to her, come on. You guys have been together this long. But twenty nine years and now they're getting married? That's the f**k it. We're gonna be dead in four years marriage. But what is that a popular marriage? Oh, yeah. Is that up there with the, like, oh, I'm knocked up marriage? I don't I don't know. Yeah. It's it's it's not a shotgun marriage. It's more of a colostomy bag marriage. But either way, there's that f**k it. Where am I going? There there's that I'm not screwing anybody new and neither are you, Mary. And we haven't been for twenty six years. And, you've done alright on your own basic cable show. You know what I mean? Alright. It was a private ceremony. And now Behar had previously sworn off marriage, even breaking an engagement to Janowitz in 02/2009. Mhmm. Her marriage comes just two days before co host Sherri Shepherd got hitched in Chicago. Mhmm. Literally to a team. Like, they're pulling her around. A spokesperson for The View And she's that big. Mhmm. Rein it in. Get it? Reins? Get it? Yeah. Spits that. Bridal. Get it? A spokesperson for The View says Behar will discuss the wedding when the show returns September 6. I personally can't wait. Me neither. Yeah. I cannot wait. This is gonna be great. So Sherry was married and They both have been married before. Oh, I would like to Sherry Shepherd's a comedian. Does she do stand up? I'd like to squeeze her and see if I could get one drop of funny out of her. Definitely not funny. Would you really literally squeeze her? I'd like to just put her where would you do it? I'd like to just put her one of those Jack o'Lane juicers and just see if I get one drop of funny into my tumbler. I was gonna say maybe better off, like, goosing her, like, a Pillsbury. You know? Yeah. Have her laugh. Right. Or maybe sticking, like, a maple syrup spigot in there. Mhmm. Tapper. Yeah. See if I get a drop of comedy to put on my pancakes. Alright. Yeah. Five people are dead and forty more were injured after a stage collapse Saturday night at the Indiana State Fair. Definitely not funny. Yeah. What happened? We have a definitely not funny drop. I guess so. This is the first time we're hearing it? What happened? I've been on this show for a while. The wind Definitely not funny. This was the Indiana State Fair. It happened right before the country band Sugar Land was set to perform. The wind Mhmm. There were high winds, and the wind, like, picked up the stage and lifted it. A reporter in the crowd described described it like this. The wind just picked up and the stage just caught, and the roof just caught, and it went up like a sail, and then it crashed forward into the people standing in front. There were people trapped underneath, and everyone was running and screaming. Five people dead. Mhmm. And 40 injured. And it it's there's video of it. I don't know if you wanna see it or not. It's pretty grim. But Yeah. It's I don't need to see it. Okay. I got enough to think about. But let me say this. That is one of those act of God kind of things. Right? I mean, it it it's one of those, you know, I I don't get too much into that, and I don't believe in God. But if there was one of those if I was an insurance claim adjuster, I would go ahead and put that into the, act of under the act of God. But isn't that my first instinct was negligent sort of like a shoddy. There's gotta be engineering. Right? There's gotta be ways to prevent a state from being caught by wind. Right? Well, here's the here's the thing is You'd think. Here's the thing. It is incredibly powerful. Like, it's it's such a powerful force. You know, you don't really realize it. What what in lanes, dude. What wind is. Yeah. I mean, the fact that an airplane that weighs hundreds and hundreds of tons that's carrying m one Abrams tanks that weigh hundreds of tons can just lift off the ground or the fact that back in the day before NASCAR put these little aerodynamic flaps on the roof, which is really just funny. It's just a little piano hinge with, like, a little piece of sheet metal on it. Soon as those cars got backwards, they got launched. And, I mean, there's, you know, 3,500 pounds worth of car just right right into the air. They're just literally going up. Also, they had that collapse. I don't know if it was Dallas or something a few years ago. The Football practice. Football practice. It was Dallas. Wind is wildly potent. Like, I mean I mean, it's a incredible force, and I've been at enough, like, car races and stuff where people sorta had their little canopies and tents set up and whatever. And a little wind kicks up, and I don't care if you got 10 pound sandbags holding the thing down. They just go flying in the air. And so it it is a really powerful force, but you never really think about it lifting a stage. You think about it knocking down something that's up, not lifting something that's down. And I'm guessing in the future, just like in f one racing or NASCAR, whatever it is, just like I said, instead of cars and I couldn't think of anything more dangerous than be than being going a 85 miles an hour backwards on a NASCAR track and getting thrown into the air 20 feet. They figure out ways to interrupt the flow of air, and it's just a little bit of science and power. I mean, they literally took something the size of a record album, I think two of them, but not even that size, just put it on the roof, it just sits flat, and when it turns backwards, it lifts up like a flap and the car sits right back down again. It's the weirdest thing ever. It go it went from 3,500 pounds getting launched in the air to nothing. Just a flap that just sat on the roof, probably added $50 to the price of every car, and no one knew it for years. Show that show me a picture of that NASCAR foil. But so the point is is when we design whether it's NFL, you know, big canopies and NFL to practice, from or whatever whatever indoor practice facilities or stages, all that s**t's just gonna have to be done with a CAD design on a computer and all done being able to take, you know, gale force winds. Mhmm. And there'll be some little diffuser splitter something something something. You learn it in the car world where they go minus the front little spoiler, which is like nothing, little piece of plastic that's three inches. Right? It it creates x amount of uplift. With it on at a 50 miles an hour, it creates 3,000 pounds of down pressure, like, in immense amounts of pressure one way or the other with just little pieces of plastic. Come from your mouth. No. It's it's it's that. It's all it's it's all through through the through the, spectrum of cars. But still you know it. I bet you're handing the protractor. Yeah. Well, yeah. I think these stages need fins. Yeah. To me, yeah. Something. Anyway, sad. How scary are you? NASCAR. Would you? Those are the those are the flaps that go up. And, again, there's not much to them. And when the car they don't I don't think they lift automatically. They just catch air. So they just sit flat when the car is going forward. Mhmm. And then when the car turns backwards, they just flap up and poof, the car sits down immediately. It's a weird thing. And it took somebody fifty years to figure that out. Alright. That Faye gave birth to a baby girl whom she named Penelope Athena. Mhmm. The couple are already parents to a five year old named Alice. Faye said in her memoir Bossypants, she felt guilty raising an only child. She expected it would be the norm in Manhattan, but Alice was the only kid in her class without siblings. I gotta tell you this about Tina Faye. A, I'm a fan, and b, she's the real deal. You know, so, you know, I complain a lot about a lot of people and their sort of marginal talent and how much money they're making, all that kind of stuff. Tina Fey, I don't know if you're around when she did Loveline some years back. You were probably there. Weren't there? Or you just didn't give a s**t. I don't remember. I'm not a fan of hers, so I don't think I was there. Possibly in your ring. But, anyway, sweeter and s**t, nice, complimentary, total sweetheart, and, ball of talent. Did she do the show with another person on the show? I feel like she Maybe. I can't I can't now now I can't remember. But either way, super talented and super funny. God bless her. Well, I wanna say that we wondered how she got her scar, and I said it was a dog bite. And 8,000 people tweeted me to say, no. It was not a dog bite. A stranger slashed her face when she was a kid playing in the yard. So you can see where I would make that mistake. I was when you were saying dog bite, I was having this feeling like it was something nefarious that it was weird and scary and dark and everything. But then you said dog bite, and I thought, oh, don't be that guy who goes to the weird dark place Right. With everything all the time. Mhmm. Like, I'm my maybe maybe my warped mind just had the weird stranger with the sickle on and not the The Grim Reaper had his way with her. Yeah. Yeah. No. How much better does sickle become when you put the word pop in front of it? A million times better. It is. I I don't know anything that gets that much better. You know? You know what I mean? If somebody came at you with a sickle, that'd suck. But it came at you with a popsicle, that'd be the best day of your life. They're like, hey. Came at you with popsicle to offer it to you or to, you know, rub it on you. Either way It'd be better that because if he was, you know, hurting you with popsicle, it felt better than You guys you Somebody tweet me because I wanna figure out what word gets much more benign when you put another word in front of it. Venom and anti venom? So you have anti Yep. Then they put venom. Exactly. And venom. But anti yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's good. It's kind of a cop out there. Anti. No. That's that pop. No. Pops in it much better option. But she wasn't honest about what happened to her, face for a while because she said that it bummed out her parents and she would talk about it. Mhmm. So I'm wondering if she had put out the dog bite story, or it may just be that I was confusing her with someone. I think it's just dumb. Alright. Shall we take a quick break and bring, doctor Spaz in? Mhmm. That's the news. I'm Alison Rosen. Zip it, c**t. That was the news with Alison Rosen. Yeah. Oh, boy. I love you guys so much. Thanks for the support. And if you wanna keep supporting us, you can keep going to Amazon. We're back up and running with those people. You may have heard back to school, gotta get some number two pencils, maybe number three. Why don't you splurge a little this year? Go nuts. Treat yourself to number three, maybe even number four pencil. Oh, now that's just great. No. Go sick. You'll go around once. Yeah. Number three. Number three pencil. And you get on Amazon, well, go ahead and click through our site. Go click on the Amazon banner at DanKroll.com, and they'll show us a little love. Quit cheating yourself with those number twos. Yeah. Yeah. Besides, the kind of standardized pencil. Connotation of the number two pencil. Like, it just sounds like like, how's this pen? That's a number two pen. Right. Yeah. Smells like s**t. Number three. Up the guy's a*s. Quick break. Doctor Spaz in with his, medical news next. You know what? You gotta listen to The Parent Experiment because we talk about being a mother parent. Oh my god. And then we talk about taking care of our s**tty a*s kids and And trying to take them on a g*****n vacation. Oh, and then taking them to their day camps and their beach. I want the to feed them every day. Play dates. These a*s kids are on their demands constantly. Every Monday on the parent experiment. Check it. She's my cherry pie. Cool drink of water such a sweet surprise. Taste so good. Make a grown man cry. Sweet cherry pie. I got a buffet on a bottom of Shrimp Bucket on top. Jesus. Hold on. Give me a second here. Shania stage two. This is stage two, sugar. Won't you grab me the lighter? Shivers stage for stage four. Come on, fellas. You put your hands together, Sean. We appreciate it. Don't forget to tap out the black guy in the bathroom. I'll tell you that I'm that divorce all day and smelling your hands crack every damn night. And again, let's turn the champagne room into the champagne room just this one time. Alright. Sorry. Well, I was touching. Thank you. Bruce, what's going on there, baby? Well, where do we have an intro for Bruce? Yeah. Oh, let's do it. Ace Broadcasting presents Healthwatch with Doctor. Spaz. It's great to hear that intro. It makes me feel important. Listen, your wife wanted me to bring a shot of b twelve to stick in your a*s today. I refused. I am, Dirty. It's b twelve time with Lynette. I don't know what What's b twelve? Vitamin b twelve shots are very popular because supposedly give people energy. And medic I mean, I've researched it medically. You know what you're gonna On What gives gives me energy? Uh-huh. Having people around me not f**k up. Yeah. No wonder you're so tired. Yeah. But I've never been in the receiving end of a mistake. Mhmm. I'm sorry. Mhmm. Yeah. Here's what do you wanna know how you get energy? Here's here's the key to energy. Waking up and doing something you want to do for a living. I should know. That's energy. Yeah. That's true. What if people can't do that? What's another way to get energy? Then you gotta get a shot in the a*s. Alright. There you go. So are you saying you don't think they work? Well, I even more so than placebo, they seem to work. So why but you can run into problems with it is a water soluble vitamin, but you can get too much of it. So a shot once a month for a while is not gonna cause a problem, and if it makes someone feel better. But I don't I can't say that there's any scientific evidence. The best way to not get sick is to announce you never get sick. Or I thought it was the opposite. If you're Jewish and you announce you never get sick, you're gonna get sick next day. Right? No. No. That is how we do it. Yeah. Yes. The more you know. So, Bruce, what's going on? Here's well, I just got some great stuff here. Does size matter? A link has been found between finger and penis size. Now this is a scientific study. Right. The way it's done is that you look at the right hand. Mhmm. Now it's your right hand even if you're left handed. This is the way the study was done, and, of course, I have to tell you how they did this study. It's a ratio between the length of your index finger What part of Japan is this out of? Because it's There you go. Out of Japan. No. This is with c**ks over there. This is great. I gotta read you this because it's gonna make you cringe. These were a 44 Korean men aged 20 and older. Right? You're close, man. Yeah. I talked I did not talk to him. Out of Africa. Right. But Not that they have a great science department over there anyway. But Jamaica. Here's that This study out of Jamaica. Alright. Good one, Bill. Okay. But listen to that. Researchers measured the index and ring fingers of each man's right hand and compared the ratio to the length of each man's fully stretched flaccid penis, parenthesis, the latter data obtained under anesthesia. Really? Yeah. That seems like a combination. That's a great study. And do you have to be in, like, the Jim Rose circus or something to fully no. It's stretch out the flaccid member? Here's a I'd be above the whole for this guy's room? I have a high pain threshold. I'm pretty sure you could hang a 10 pound weight from my flaccid penis without any local anesthetic. Or a Korean pulling a Korean doctor pulling it on it. Chin up on it before I went for the needle. Okay. Okay. But, I got a little something Strong words. Went. Yeah. An adorable c**k. Have you ever hung anything from your penis? Just ornaments during the holiday season, but I'm festive. Do you ever just put some tinsel on it? Yeah. I hope you will. Yeah. Here's for you here's some math to do when you get home. Now it turns out that This is low for you, b***h. Yeah. The longer I love to trim the dick. Go ahead. The longer that your ring finger is in relationship to your index finger. So the less the ratio of index over ring finger, the longer your penis is. Alright. The index is your f finger. Second finger. What is that? Second finger. First thumb is first and then the next one. Alright. That's your index. Right. And then the ring finger, the fourth one. So the longer the ring finger is in comparison to this index finger, the longer your penis is. Okay. So In comparison. Yeah. No. It's a yeah. It's a ratio. So if this is four inches and this is four Well, s**t, man. On my hand. Well, on my left hand, my index finger is a bit I don't want a bit longer. Yeah. See, this is Wait a minute. I've never even looked at this before. On on my left hand There you go. It's it's longer. But on my right hand, the one that counts Yes. It's the f**king same. Right? Oh, that's not good. That's the same. Right? Yeah. Pretty much. But this one is longer. Yeah. Well, too bad the study wasn't done with the left hand. Now I'm actually Maybe they just did it because people were right handed. Yeah. Are oh, you're left handed. I am. Then it's you know what? I'll have to make a note of that. Yeah. Check the magazine hand versus the business hand. We're okay. As long as we're not gonna actually now do our own study. I don't wanna Alright. Yanking on anything. But I had some interesting Out of Korea. Out of Korea. Yeah. Who could have seen that coming? They've now on, the other hand Now what do they mean? They actually numb these guys' penis. Now these guys were gonna have urinal? No. They were gonna have urologic surgery anyway, so it was not necessary anesthesia. And Oh, okay. They also looked at How'd that conversation go? Hey, as long as you're c**ky, informed consent. Hey, dukedom. As long as your c**k's numb, you mind if we, you know, collect a little data? I don't no. It wasn't presented that way. I'm sure it was very formal, very objective presentation of it. But Okay. This is in other words, look, people have been comparing foot, shoe size, and hand size. This is something where there is they found a statistically significant correlation between that ratio and penis size. So alright. So I'm still confused. If it's if it's bigger, then what? If the index finger is smaller in relation to the ring finger, the more small it is Well, wait a minute. It's almost always bigger, isn't it? Look. See. Here you go. There's a that's good. Wait. Do you want a lot of difference between your finger and your index finger is a lot smaller than your ring finger. Yeah. That's a good thing. That's a good thing. That's a good thing. Jesus Christ. You son of a b***h. I don't think yeah. I don't think Wait a minute. I got one that's the same Uh-oh. And one where the index finger's bigger. Yeah. Wait a minute. Two headed penis? Well, did God create us that dim wait. Show me your show me your hand again. So your index finger is smaller and mine is bigger. Yeah. We look like like a couple r****ded albino Indians. Hey. Good night. Prosper. Yeah. Okay. Okay. So that's a good study. They also are doing further studies. Yeah. Okay. Okay. Alright. Here's another study. Women more likely to send sexually explicit text messages than men. And now Mhmm. Just think about it. Women are more likely to send to sex than men are. Really? Yeah. And I didn't think about that. They're more verbal. Mhmm. Yeah. And eventually, they they get into, they get into sending pictures. But, yeah, they do like the verbal. Oh, really? Oh, oh, because they're into fantasy whereas guys are sorta like, let let's do it or let's not Yeah. Do it. So Sometimes they say that in a text. Let's do it or let's not do it. And And then the women wanna pin them down, like, oh, how do you mean? I don't I've never got, like, the I They get into I've never gotten into the phone sex stuff. Well Yeah. Because you've been desensitized by all your porn viewing. So the phone thing would not even raise Seven hours a day is all my porn stuff now? You're calling that all my porn stuff and I spend the lion's share of each day? I mean, not if you count sleeping, but if you factor sleeping You know that animals of porn better than a rabbinic rabbinic whatever they are knows the Torah. The kids of porn. Okay. I know you you said good good lenses, bad frames, nor does Bruce. Has it been brought up what he's wearing on his face? He really I know. I will take it to heart. Are you s**tting me? I I am Are we on TV or not? I'm in urban dictionary because It's a third grade Asian girl who's missing her glasses right now. Urban dictionary. Read it, Allison. Good lenses, bad frames. Describing someone who gives a bad first impression but is actually a good person. Someone who doesn't appear to be competent, yet is extremely capable at what he, she does. For example, doctor Bruce is a spaz, but he's one of the best doctors I know. You wouldn't don't know it by looking at him. Good lenses, bad frames. So where's my name on that? Yeah. Where the Yeah. I'm on a Carolla. It's down there somewhere. Scroll down. Carolla fan two by Carolla. But here's the thing. I'm working in the ER. It's a first impression situation only. Oh, you're working with a lot of kids. No. No. Don't go down that road. Who are you working with over there? Who am I? A lot of uninsured people? Well, you know Yeah. I'm at a Kaiser facility. Sure. Very community oriented. Open arms to all Mhmm. All comers. Mhmm. And they provide financial assistance. I don't know what's a worst name. Like, first off, they added the permanente, which seems like the worst. I I like, you couldn't think of a worse thing to add to a hospital. Permanent. Right. You know what I mean? Like, everyone's the the whole thing about a hospital is is if you're in and out in one day, that's okay. If you're there for a month, that's a bad car accident. And if it's permanent, you're dead. You're in a f**king morgue. So adding permanente to hospital is bad. And then Kaiser's kinda bad too. You picture a guy with a Prussian helmet, like a big mustache with wax in it looking for Jews. You know? Yeah. Kaiser and permanent, they are horrible. But It should be Kaiser Uno Menudo, and it should not be Kaiser. What should it be? Should be like It it it should be like conscientious objector. Okay. Alright, man. Alright. My next so what's interesting, though, is where they got their study, subjects. 5,187 adults who visited an infidelity service. Mhmm. Did I mention the name of it? I guess that's my Are these the guys Ashleymadison.com with some 10,000,000 members. 10,000,000 members to that service, an infidelity service. This is the cert the website where if you wanna cheat on your spouse, you hit up this website. It's for married males and females that wanna fool around, and so they did this study. Believe me, over two thirds of those then. The the point is this, if you're Ashley Madison, you can say we have 10,000,000 members and no one can say s**t because it's all confidential and all that stuff. Maybe they have two and a half million members. You're allowed to say 10,000,000. I guess. I don't know who checked into this. The guys that did the study, these gentlemen that were at university. But they're they're not gonna divulge any of their members or or any of their identifications. Anyway, okay. So here's there are some very interesting statistics. The only one I'll mention, 83% of females would meet people they encountered online in real life compared to 67% of males. That's just because guys are lazy. Hold on. 80 something percent of women would meet Actually meet the guys. Where 67% of them? The men would. So it was you know, which you'd think there was more fantasy for the women, but the women were going out. Well, let me explain how the male and the female meet, and here's why there's the percentage problem here. Allison Mhmm. You be the chick I wanna meet Okay. We've never met before. Okay? Oh, man. He's so hot. We we gotta get together. Maybe, maybe we could meet over at the Carrows over there in Woodland Hills. Would would that would that be cool? I mean, what are you doing? Like, let's say, Friday. Could we just meet there? Like, I'll be the guy wearing the orange vest sitting in the booth alone. You cool with that? Caros? Are you shy? Forget it. Yeah. I gotta go. I gotta go. Sports center's now. Sports center's now. That was stupid idea. Sorry, sweetie. I gotta go. That's how it works. Guys are beating off. I've been writing you. I changed my schedule so that I can meet at Caro's. Yeah. We'll meet oh, no. Forget it. I gotta go. I gotta go. Hi. I'm sitting in the booth. That's disparity. That's a yeah. I gotta go. I gotta kiss. Listen. If it's really making that kind of sound, you should talk to doctor Bruce. Yeah. Because there's more air coming out than one would hope. I I'm a swallower. Well, I swallow air. So point is this It's gotta come out somewhere then. The point is this, guys are beating off when they're having these conversations. And as soon as they're done, they go from all talk to Yeah. Exactly. No action. Right. Okay. 02/2008 Cosmo Girl survey, 12/1980 teenagers and young young adults. 20% of teenagers, 30 three percent of young adults said they had sent nude or semi nude photographs through the mobile phones. Jesus Christ. So anyway but it's it's problematic because it's, you know, it's not a healthy behavior and it, especially meeting people on the Internet for teenagers, absolutely Can I say this? Horrible high risk. You know, you do that thing where you're like, oh, man. I have a daughter. Oh, boy. There's gonna be pictures of her. She's gonna be sending around her boyfriend and blah blah blah. And then I realized the the airwaves are gonna be so cluttered with Vaujine by the time she's in high school. It's not gonna make a difference. You're gonna make fun of if there's not a picture of your snatch floating around the web. I I just swear to god. I mean and by the way, between you know, especially if Kim Kardashian gets her twenty sixth endorsement and gets her $66,000,000 this year, it doesn't make a difference anymore what the f**k you're doing, does it? There's I can't think of anyone whose career has been damaged by a sex tape except for a politician. There used to be Other people, it just helps. Applying to medical school? Yeah. I mean, there's Pam Anderson, but she she's talentless anyway. So she's nowhere now, but we'll never hear from her again because she possesses zero talent. But did it hinder her career? No. No. But you're right. But but but it didn't hinder her career, although she has no career now, but she never will because she only traded on her looks and she has no discernible talent whatsoever. And now that her looks are fading, she's gone. It does seem like entertainment, not so much politics or whatever, but anyone can come back from anything. You know what I mean? There's nothing that's that's career crippling. Like, Elliot Spitzer, for god's sake, he had politics, but now he's in entertainment. Came back from the hooker thing. He's also in a show on CNN or whatever it was. But he came back from it. But still, he came back to get my show. You really gotta go OJ to to slow things down. And even that, I'm I'm sure if OJ Yeah. Did enough good you know, wore put enough, if he if he put American flag, buttons on his lapels, you know what I mean? If you put the pin on there and start talking about Jesus Christ Yeah. And he became a born again Christian, three pours of the nation would leave the guy alone. I was gonna say, like, killing someone seems to be the one thing you can't come back from at f**king Don King. But people like dogs more than people. Michael Vick is doing okay. Chris Brown? He kicked he stomped a guy to death. It's not like he bent over and punched him. Yeah. Yeah. With with the background searches that are now being routinely done for people that are applying for jobs, there's an incredible amount amount of information that's coming off social websites and Yeah. Well, that's a good thing. It's like, hey, man. Yeah. It's one of the two it's it's one of the two, it's between two chicks for the new receptionist gig. One chick has a hot landing strip. The other s**t f**king shaved clean down there. No. Wait. We win, Bob. What do you want, Bob? Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait finger and his Yeah. Forefinger. And then I went online and I saw what he's really doing. Right? You have some important information there to really sort out, guys. Exactly. Okay. So you wanna hear about recreational drugs sold as bath salts? This is becoming What is that one? I can't figure that one out. What is are people huffing bath salts? What's going on? Bath salts gayest high ever. No. It's not. It's actually very similar to methamphetamine. The drug is the, most of them are something called methylenedioxypyravalirine, which is MDPV. It's very much like methamphetamine. They're sold as Bloom Blue Silk, Cloud Nine, but you go in and buy these things, people are smoking them and snoring them mostly, mostly snorting things. Really bath salts. They're not bath salts. They're called that. Right. This is they're called that to get by FDA regulation whatever whatever? Or Exactly. And people are buying them in head shops and tobacco shops. I see. Okay. There's also Spice, which is a cannabinoid like substance that people are smoking for a shorter high. And, I know people that do I've run into people that do this, and they're I've seen some people in the ER that have gotten violent Yeah. As a result of doing this. But listen. People, are we out of booze? You know what I mean? What Listen, old man. I'm just saying. Again, can't pour yourself a nice, vodka and put put on the rocks, squeeze all lemon into it, and just call it a f**king night? Make some mangrohe for god's sake. Oh, you love me some mangrohe. Right. It's it's even worse though than I mean, you're not you really have no flu. Alright. You don't know your usual with your brains, r****ds. Thank you. Alright, Bruce. Bring it home. Yeah. Last one. What do you got? Last one. Let me do you wanna talk about steroid use in, police officers? Oh, I know those guys are juicing. Okay. There what's happened in New Jersey, they found that, in 2010 the year 2010, the state of New Jersey spent $11,200,000 covering human growth hormone and steroid prescriptions, and that's, 200 employees with HGH and 6,000 with steroid prescriptions. And what they're finding, they find a doctor that would say, yes. You have an h you know, growth hormone deficiency or testosterone. Sure. But these are young these are guys in their twenties and thirties who do not have that. So Right. So the new thing is is you find a doctor that says, oh, you have low testosterone. Right. And then they prescribe the testosterone to you. It's sort of like, you know, getting your pot, saying, look. You have hypervigilance or something, and then they give you some weed, and you can get what you want nowadays. Right. But here's the rub. Somebody that's old, somebody over 40, you can start having some of these things measured, and they've now I just had another study in here, which we won't get to, where testosterone replacement has been found to be beneficial in terms of general health, let's say, in individuals over especially 50. Right. Human growth hormone, there's no issue with providing that because you're about 40% of what you were when you're 21 when you're 50. Right. So with proper medical management, those are legitimate things. So it becomes confusing at what age is this okay. But clearly, somebody that's 20 years old and a cop getting HGH and testosterone, that's a very high level. Females on human growth hormone? I mean, what you you know what I mean? I'm sure Hollywood is all over this s**t. Right? Right. And you take someone like Jennifer Aniston who, you know, is 42 or whatever, J. Lo who's 42, and they essentially look like they're in their late twenties. What are they on? Are they Botox. Botox. But are they on human growth hormone? I mean, they're physically Jennifer Aniston physically looks better at 42 than she did at 28. You you know what I mean? Like, what's going on? That's more likely some sort of plastic surgery. I don't know anything about Jennifer Aniston. That that doesn't do your posture. Here's the the rub. If you're taking HGH when you're 40 or under, you're gonna get signs of masculinization or it's going to it's going to cause negative Will you grow a penis if you're a woman? No. It's a will it change the size of your index finger? No. It's okay. This is for males only? No. No. No. No. No. I I shouldn't have said masculinization with HGH, but you're going to you're not going to benefit. You're not gonna look younger than at 42. If you're a if you're if you're JLo and you're 40, do you wanna start taking something? No. Absolutely not. But it's not why not? You just said it but as a male, you're making, you know, less than half of once you're over 40 and a male, mostly over 50, it's reasonable to have some But but not a female? No. A female. Male or female. But I'm saying 40 and Do you see why I f**king can't stand this guy? Yes. I felt like we've just f**king lap around the r****ded park. It doesn't mean time. With him or I will get fired. Oh. What am I And then you bring him back every time. Not only that. Yes. Alright. So, Allison Yes. What is Bruce saying as a female? I have a very small penis. I this is what he's saying. Male or female, over 50, your levels drop and you can take HGH. You take it under 40 or when you already have fairly normal levels and you get different effects. You get effects of, you start growing where you shouldn't be growing. I had breast cancer right under my scrotum. You said 40 or 50. And then when I said females shouldn't take it, then you'd say yes, and then you'd say something about male. If you're male and you're over 40, male or female, exact same with human growth? Right. Human growth. No different. No. Okay. g*****n. Alright. Bruce, how do people not Twitter you? Because I feel like I'd like to like you to lose Should I do I have to Twitter back and say nobody cares what I'm doing. That's enough. That's the point. Alright. Let's take a break. Our old friend, one of the original writers from the man show, Jordan Rubin, in studio next. Dear friend Jordan Rubin is here. Stand up writer, host, the download Keck web series on comedycentral.com slash the download. Season two premieres Wednesday, August 24. Jordan, '1 of the original man show riders. I say that you were there in season one, were you not? I was from the very beginning. From the very beginning. Actually, you know what? I was the last writer hired. You guys went on a retreat, and then I sent a second submission, and that got me hired. Mhmm. True story. Jordan, I was thinking about this because I was roller skating with my kids today, and I've been to a couple of your roller skating parties, like midnight roller skating parties. Nick Swartz and I used to do that. And I seem to have a fuzzy memory of my buddy Ray coming up behind somebody and getting them in a bear hug. And that guy, who I now think was Louis CK for some reason, my buddy Ray got got behind, like, someone that got him, like, in a bear hug. And the guy Ray and the guy was like, dude, who are you? Why are you touching me? And Ray was like, I don't know. And, like, Ray would do that to everyone all the time except for no one really ever said anything to him, and this particular person did. But was that Louis CK, or who was that? You know what? I I don't specifically remember that, but you just jogged the memory, and I I feel like it was either Louis or Galifianakis. It might have been Louie, though. I feel like I remember Louie because he was a big enough comic to me at the time, and I was like, you don't do that. But, of course, who cares? Like, give to anybody. But Ray just came up, like, I think Lou I think his shirt was off or something. Like, he was getting changed or something. And because it was like a disco boogie party, and people were sweating, and he was, like, changing a shirt. That's not the Ray I know. And Ray just came up behind him and just got him in a bear hug and, like, picked him up. And Louie was like, who the f**k are you? What are you doing? Yeah. And Ray was like, I'm me. I'm Ray. I'm me. I should be peeing on you right now. Right. I remember that was Ray's luck. Like, why He didn't have a question in the bear house. Yeah. I was just gonna say, I remember that high school story where he started throwing his own s**t. I I think it was his s**t. Maybe. It could've been someone else's. Could've been my buddy Chris's s**t. Yeah. So anyway, Jordan and I go way back. Jordan, what any, before we get into everything else Yeah. Any man show stories? Any memories? There's so many. I don't know where to begin. I mean, you could literally thread a topic, and I would be able to I mean, I remember when I first came there, I guess, Jeff Ross, the comedian Jeff Ross, the roast master general, who's probably been here, Mhmm. Was on the show. And I guess Sal, Jimmy's cousin, was giving him a really hard time and torturing him. Well, he would like Jeff made the mistake of leasing a a Porsche boxer convertible, but it was an automatic. And and Sal would go out and vandalize it Yeah. And that kind of stuff. Yes. Yes. Yeah. It was torturing him. Mhmm. Yes. And so and so I remember I was coming out, and my introduction, Jeff had warned everybody and said to Sal he goes, Sal, you know, I take your s**t, but Jordan, when he gets out here, he's got, like, spiked hair. He's a big dude. He's not gonna take your s**t. And, of course, I was just, you know Sure. Small little Woody Allen body. Do you remember when, Matt Silverstein desecrated the bathroom, and then there was a big deal? Yes. He said yeah. He wrote some racist comment right in the bathroom. It was a weird thing. Matt Silverstein wrote wrote, like, die Jew or something. There's Matt Silverstein. He wrote, like, he wrote, like, all all filthy Jews must die or something, like, in the bathroom. Uh-huh. And then very Jewish. Everyone made a big deal out of it. It it was sort of write it in Hebrew? It was sort of like when, Robert Downey was that who's the talk show host? Was that Robert Downey Junior? Morton Downey. Morton Downey. Morton Downey. Remember we went to the bathroom at the airport and drew the swastika on his forehead with a ballpoint pen? Yeah. He should've been f**king shot the second they found out that was him. Right. Whenever you're upset, but He wrote something backwards on his head. It was swastikas. Obviously, written no. There was some word written in the mirror office. There there is any he he said he was jumped by, like, you know, skinheads. But the point is this. Dyslexic skinheads. It was a witch hunt, though. I remember. Yes. Matt wrote, like, all filthy Jews must die. And then, you know, the man show is is pretty loose around there. Like, I didn't give a s**t, you know. That was crossing a line for some reason. And somehow, Daniel decided that that crossed the line. So he's like, we need to find out who wrote this, and they need to be sort of disciplined because you can't just write this. It's the man show, but you still can't just do this. And it turned out Matt Silverstein had written it. Yeah. And and, oh, I think he wrote it about himself was part of the problem. Like, Like, Matt Silverstein's a filthy Jew and he must die. And that was like the problem. Yeah. And then no one knew so Matt couldn't come out and say anything, and they were taking handwriting samples. Oh, yes. Yes. All that. It was like this weird moment where it was where It's so great. We're on a witch hunt, and it was the guy the guy did it to himself. And once we got a few weeks into the witch hunt, I don't think Matt could say anything. Yeah. I don't remember how it was found out. I do remember, now that you mentioned it, Matt leaving notes on was it maybe Daniel's or so he'd leave notes on maybe it's to mess with Daniel. He would leave notes on random cars saying, sorry. I hit your car. Here's my number. Oh, and he would leave Daniel's number. And it would they wouldn't even hit it, but, of course, people would call and be like, I did find a scratch, actually. Right. Yeah. Here's how incredible here's how Jewy Matt Silverstein was. One time we went to go to do a bit, and it would the way it would work is whoever the rider was for the bit, they just go with you to do the bit. Mhmm. And instead of jumping in the van with the the guy, the intern driving it, I said, Matt, let's just go in your car. And we got into it's like, probably was like a '95 Jeep Cherokee that his in laws had sent out from Florida and said he could he could have. And I got into the car. When I got into the car, the steering wheel was adjusted up that like, in a position sort of like like a bumper boat. Like, it was it was more horizontal than it was vertical. It was, like, it was fully up, and I was like so I immediately, like, just reached onto the column and pulled the thing in and pulled the wheel back down. And I said, man, have you been and he's like, that adjusts? And I said, yes. I said, how long have you been driving this way? He's like, year? I said, you f**king idiot. Someone just moved it all the way up when they, like, shipped it and then you never moved. I didn't know it moved. And I was like, wow. That is mad. I also remember a time when, I used I was working out at the time, and I had weight gainer shake. Mhmm. And Jimmy so Oh, yeah. As you know, I'm paranoid anyway. I'm a paranoid guy. Yes. On your desk, you had that In my drawer. Yeah. On you had that s**t that you buy. It's like a thousand calories for the worst thing for you. Yeah. Where you put if you wanna put weight on, you put that in your shake. Add that to milk, and it's 2,000 calories. Right. So so I I would lug this thing home every night because I because in my crazy mind, the someone that works there is gonna poison it or Well, you couldn't leave anything around Cousins. Well, that's true. Yeah. Right. And so I took it, you know, every night. One night, I left it at the office, and Jimmy sent an intern out and bought about 10 of those Coffee Mate cookies. Yeah. Dumped it out, filled it with Coffee Mate. It's like the same calories. I came in, you know, like 10:00 and just chucked it. Because I was like, oh, I left this overnight. Oh oh, you never yeah. No. So Jimmy later in the day goes, how was your, shake today? And I go, oh, I threw it out because I left here. He's like, and he told me. Right. But it's situations like that that make people who are, you know, neurotic and crazy go, I'm right. Yeah. All you need to do is be no. It's it's it's like it's like it's like someone who's addicted to gambling Right. Hitting a a pick six or trifecta or something once every twenty years just enough. They'll keep losing money, but they've been validated that one time. Yeah. He's I could tell you stories when I was right. Yeah. Yeah. He put, he shoved my toothpaste. I think he put baking soda in it. No. He shoved shaving cream in my toothpaste. Yeah. Yeah. He shoved it I mean, he literally fed it into the container, and I brushed my teeth with it going, man, this is f**ked up toothpaste. So that wasn't like I don't have any germ. I'm not sure. Did you also brush with Vagisil or something? Well, that was earlier. But that that that I did that volitionally. I mean, I did that when I was 14. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I think it was my sister. Just insane. No. I didn't do it. I didn't do it on purpose, but Jimmy was not behind that one. Right. I remember, like you were you were there. You must have been there when Jimmy pulled off his Dixie Chicks ruse with, with me and, Natalie from the Dixie Chicks. Yep. You had to be there for that one. I also remember were you? Go ahead. I wasn't there for that one. You weren't there, were you? No. Oh. Wow. That story, I've told him. Okay. Well, I I remember, playing cards at your house once, and in that house that you had that it was on the on top of Beachwood, but it had a it was still on one floor, I guess. We were all playing cards, and I guess Jimmy wandered off. And all of a sudden, he just busted through the window naked and said, look out. He dove. He just ran through. It's like a hot summer night. It was a hot summer night. Dick, like, flabbing like I had opened the window because it was like just a hot summer night, and we're all in my den playing cards. And Jimmy gave the, yeah. I'm gonna go in the kitchen and get some more salsa. And about five minutes later, a naked dude just came diving through the window. It was Jimmy. By the way, it was that night when we're cleaning up like an old gay couple where I did one of my just greatest moves to Jimmy ever, which is he everyone had cleared out. It was like the end of the night. And like the old gay couple, we were left behind to to clean up, you know, empty the ashtrays and, throw away you know, clean out the bowls with the chips in it. And Jimmy was just standing at the sink, you know, washing dishes, and I stood next to him and I just eyeballed one of those cylinders of whole bean coffee from Trader Joe's, like, you know, when you grind it up fresh. And the cylinder had about four beans left in the bottom of it, and I had I had gas. And I just pressed this thing up against my ass, and I just did a I just did I even twisted it a little bit. Like, I vapor locked it and then just did the just filled it up and then popped the cap onto it. And I said, Jimmy, you ever smell this Trader Joe's, like, fresh fresh whole bean Sumatra? And he was like, no, man. And you gotta realize when you tell people to smell things, they're sort of tentative about it. Like, if you go if you say to someone, smell my finger, they'd be like, I don't know. And if you say, like, smell this pen, they're kinda I don't know. But when you do a coffee can and you go smell this, they will bury their f**king there's three beans at the bottom. Jimmy, like, literally pressed it against the bridge of his nose and his mouth and gave a big and then just pulled back and and and gave that, like, what the f**k kind of coffee is this? And I was like, yes. Because you can fart, as you know from sharing an office with cuss and Sal, you can fart on people as much as you like, but you can't really get them to ingest it this way. I got him to inhale my fart. That's a victory. Cousin Sal would do a lot of farting. We'd have the deaf rat guy. We'd have Josh, the def rat guy, come in as a def rat guy. We'd have Josh do the porn audition. Remember that? That was the yeah. One of the funniest things ever. Yeah. I also remember, well, we would write every year and, you know, that and then later on Crank Anchors. It got to the point where it's like, how many men things can I write? Or how many, crank calls can I write? You know? And then Jimmy put out that list, and you guys put out that list. No more pharmacy calls. No more doctor so it's like we were then limited on top of it. Sure. So I remember at one point during the match, Sal consciously going, that's it. I don't think I think Jimmy's so busy. And he started adding things to his packet every day because we'd handed a writing packet, that was exactly one year before. Oh, really? Yeah. Wow. I wonder if you know what you mean. And Jimmy would still check or exit, you know. I've never read any of the packets. So, and what, Jordan, pardon me for, not a problem if I've forgotten all about it. But what were your man show if we're looking at man show bits, what would be your claim to fame? Would you go like, that was my that one was mine. I think it would be the, the the sperm contest, the two of you to see who had better, more viable. Viral? Yeah. We went and, we went and actually went to a doctor to see, a, who could produce a sample the fastest. The fastest is a race. I beat Jimmy by about eight seconds. Mhmm. But Jimmy took the time to pull his pants up and Yeah. Get dressed and stuff. So if you sort of do the math where he took the time to pull his pants up and zip his flying his pants on, we actually Draw. Complete draw. Just photo finish. Sweet. But I think you annihilated his sperm count. I'm trying to remember. He had a higher sperm count, but I had more active sperm. Mhmm. Mhmm. But you didn't have kids at the time, so I was wondering, like, is he shooting blanks? You you had no idea. Yeah. Does that does that relate to who had, perhaps relieved themselves earlier that day, or did you go Well, it didn't matter. Both came from the same time at the same place. And and when you have a contest like that, you don't relieve yourself earlier in the day. I think the deal was, yeah. You don't you don't you don't run a bunch of sprints before the hundred yard dash. You know what I mean? Save it up. See a lot of spaghetti and I think there's a lot of carb loading. Yeah. Right. And for me, it was a lot of electrolyte stuff. Drinking a lot of Pedialyte, doing things like that. There was one point in which I got obsessed with how far guys that shoot further loads in porn. Oh, really? And I'd, like, seriously read up on it on the Internet. What'd you find out? Because I think I noticed as you get older, it diminishes the amount and the distance. Mhmm. And so well, the things that I found out is colloidal silver Mhmm. And possibly vitamin e. Where do you get the colloidal colloidal silver? At, like, a health store. It's a natural antibiotic. Uh-huh. And vitamin e. Do they sell it so that you can shoot your junk from it? No. It doesn't say it. They don't mark it that way. They don't. It's certain people, like, there's that guy, I forget the porn star that shoots really far. Peter North. Peter North. That should be I mean, I don't know. To be. Yeah. Just saying. Yeah. So it's It might be him. It's called the Decker. Yeah. Yeah. For a reason, it's not because it's a interior design. Yeah. Wow. But the now I think I started to think that it's a that it's a water thing. I think, like, the more if you The more hydrated you are. People I know are pretty dehydrated. And I think if like, because I because I notice on days if I'll drink Mhmm. The next day, I'll be masturbating more than ever Mhmm. And shooting ropes as they say. Uh-huh. So I think I think there's more liquid in my body. I know you get more ice cream. Peter North. Oh, yeah. Perfect. So, you wrote this year on the Oscars. Right? I did. How'd you get that gig? How does that work? That worked well, I'd had written the MTV Movie Awards for three years. Mhmm. So I was in that, those kinda circles of award shows. And then, How cool is it saying you wrote for the Oscars? It it it was cool. It was very stressful at the time, the job. And and saying it it was the most political job I've ever had. How did it first work? Like It first worked, I I was doing some stuff with Judd Apatow. We'd done this viral video together that we wrote, and, it did really well. And I started doing some stuff with him and loved working with him. And one day, I walked into his office to work with him on something, and he turned to me. He's like, how'd you like to write the Oscars? Judd said that. Judd did. Mhmm. And, because he I guess they'd asked him to be involved Mhmm. But he was extremely busy. Mhmm. You know, two films and Bridesmaids was Right. There's a photo of us. Right. And, that's at the Producers Guild Awards, actually, that Judd hosted. So so he asked, how'd you like to be involved? He yeah. And he he said, call I just emailed this. I'm gonna forward you. So I went over and met with the guys. They obviously were going for a much younger sensibility because it was Franco and Hathaway. Mhmm. So this stuff I was pitching, I really got along with the producers. Mhmm. And took it from there. I was basically brought on to write the opening film, which I did. Mhmm. They said, would you mind sticking around for the rest of the show? Mhmm. You know, and I'm never one to Sure. Turn down money. That'd be the coolest thing ever. It was it was I just think the the two of them is a weird combination. Franco? Franco and Hathaway. What do you mean? It could they it's they come from different schools of thought in terms of how to approach everything from What does that mean? Daily life to this business. I think she's more they're both extremely talented. I think she's more, that's a that's when we were shooting the social network spoof, I guess. So that's Uh-huh. Them in the same garb as they're talking to Zuckerberg. Mhmm. I think she's much more, you know, theatrically trained. She's very, on top of it. Much more you know, he's more of an artsy I don't know the way to describe it, and I don't wanna insult either one of them. Yeah. Yeah. I'm not being political. I just I I have I like both of them. I just think that they're and Allen? Like, the you They they weren't Kimmel and Carolla. Yeah. There you go. You didn't feel the chemistry there. Yeah. There there there definitely was like a it's a gig. Like, I I I don't I don't think yeah. There there was no chemistry. They didn't walk in and Definitely not funny. They just you you didn't feel like you know, who is that? Was Edna Hathaway talking about me? You don't feel like they're gonna be you don't feel like they're gonna be collaborating on other things in the future. Right. Well, I think here's what I think. He put it really well. I saw him on Letterman, like, a couple months ago, and and Dave was like, you know, there was a lot of speculation that maybe you were stoned at the Oscars. Uh-huh. And Franco said, listen. I love Anne Hathaway, but I have to tell you, even the Tasmanian devil would look stoned standing next to her. Oh, really? She's that that energetic She's very type a, and he's very type b, I guess. And she's sort of I don't know. Theatric like like, she's used to being on stage at Broad on Broadway and playing solo b c. Which is there's nothing to be said for that. Right. You know, it's something that I don't have as a stand up. I'm very type b as this, you know. Is she is she does he have and do they have and and maybe there's something something to this. But that sort of the chops. You know what I mean? Like comedy chops, like on stage comedy chops versus a talented actor. Do you know what I mean? Or even a gifted actor. I think I think it's something that people that are that talented and smart can learn pretty quickly. I've had a lot of people in the past couple months go, like, you don't have actors host the Oscars, you know. Mhmm. You know, thinking more in the Billy Crystal tradition and the, you you know, Steve Martin, which I which I, you know, as a comic, of course, I go, it's good to have a lot of stage. But there's two kinds of actors, I sort of think. I mean, maybe there's James Franco, but then maybe there's Alec Baldwin. Correct. Because, like, Baldwin's an actor, but he he plays, he has such command of the stage. But if you're gonna go into that, then would you say Alec Baldwin could host the Oscars alone without Steve Martin, a very skilled comic who can write for two people? You know what I'm saying? I just from the SNL stuff I've seen on Baldwin. Well That's comedic. That's like, Franco doing Pineapple Express. I would say that Baldwin could probably would be up to the challenge. But anyway I thought that she was hilarious in the Delaware's pro in And she was really good on SNL. She's great on SNL. They were both good on SNL. She was so funny SNL. She had a bunch of sketches. She was really on top of the writing. She got jokes. She you know, she's she's friends with comedians that and works with a lot of, like, comedy people. She gets it, so does he. It's not like when I was speaking comedy, it wasn't, like, foreign language. Were they arguing a lot or were they doing, like, hey, I wanna do it this way? No. How come no one's ever asked me to write anything? No one I've never kinda phoned about. That animated episode. Haven't been hanging out with Ted Apatow and he hasn't turned you and said, would you like to write that? Can't type. Yeah. It's never happened. Speed element to it. Nobody's ever asked me to write a f**king thing. I have heard a thing around, like, Hollywood back circles where they say you're good on the page and not on the stage. So maybe Well, then I'd be good on the I should've said the other way. You should've said the other way around. Yeah. You're good on the stage, not on the page. They also say that, you have a lot of active sperm. Yes. They're very active. Talking about that. And funny active sperm. Be produced in under three minutes Well, they're if if memory serves. There actually was something in the old school man show days where I remember you constantly saying because Jeff Ross, the comedian, and me were on the show. Sure. You probably already know what I'm gonna say. Go ahead. That you he always used to say that, stand ups like Jeff and I were, like, comedy factories. No. We were comedy warehouses. Sorry. We have a bunch of jokes. We show our wares each night. You know, very limited. Rarely get a new delivery. He said he's a comedy machine. No. That's all. He said he's just spitting them out. He makes me sound like a dick. No. But you didn't say the dick as you went. I said better to be a factory than a warehouse, which is produce and don't store. Right. It's actually f**king garden variety dick, but you do need to kinda be both if you wanna do stand up. No, Adam. Stop being such an a*****e and start listening to people. You need to produce and you need to store. Right. But if you get too much into storage, you'll stop production. Correct. I think I think I started out storing in a little too much. Mhmm. But, eventually, I think I got to a point I think Twitter opened me up stand up with jokes where it made me write so much more because you're getting instant feedback. Yeah. And if you repeat yourself, everyone will know it in a second versus if you're zany's one night and Caroline's the next, no one's gonna know. Although, I have been retweeting my own jokes from not not saying retweet, just dropping them in Mhmm. From, like, a year before. I've wanted to do that. How's that going for you? I think it's the greatest thing ever. This is why. I have so many more followers since the joke was dropped. They deserve to see the genius. Right. So there's like one or two people that go go. Yeah. There's one or two people that are, like, oh, you already did that. And it's, like, first of all, I'm doing this for free. Second of all, there's so many new followers. And also, people follow so many people, they don't catch every joke. Right. So it's really one or two people who are just stalking. And, also, it does suck with almost every other profession. I'm always jealous of bands because they have to play their hits. And then comedians, if you play your hits, like, I heard that one before. Alright, Allison. You have some, news. And, Jordan, you hang out, and we will, attack the news. And now the rest of the news with Allison Rosen. In entertainment news, Mike Myers has signed on for a fourth Austin Powers film. This would be his first trip back to starring in live action movies since February The Love Guru, which Oh, I thought he was gonna make a remake for that one. I don't think that's off the table, but it's doubtful. Oh, so he's doing another Austin Powers? Yeah. We and he's been of late, he's been focused on voice work in Shrek. Every motherf**king movie out there is a part two or remake or reimagination of or prequel or a game a board game from the seventies, like, just f**king officially added ideas. Like, I was just whether it's Planet of the Apes or Yo Yogi the Bear, the Smurfs or whatever. It's just pull up a list of the top 10 movies in theaters right now. What percentage do you think are either remakes or sequels or prequels or some I'm I'm guessing four out of 10 at least. Yeah. Well, if you take a look at just the summer movies, they're all something. And even, you know, even if Thor is the first Thor, it's still an idea that's 50 years old. A dad from from a book or a comic book or something. Yes. Unoriginal idea. Unoriginal screenplay. Yeah. I don't know. I like that they said signed on. Like, they had to go find him like Rambo. Like, he was like, no. I'm done. Yeah. They like, I'm sure They got him back in the game. To do it. Yeah. But you're the best. The Apparently, this idea had been floated for a while, and it's only now that he's showing interest. So it is kinda like that. Right. We have to lift the top 10. It is Number one. Rise of the Planet of the Apes. That's unoriginal. Prequel. Done. The Help, I guess, based on a blog. Final Destination, well, it has five behind it. So you get that Smurfs. That's a TV show. Thirty minutes or less based on sort of a true story. We'll give that a pa*s. Cowboy is an Alien based on Rhinestone Cowboy and Alien. Yep. Yep. Captain America, done. Yep. Crazy Stupid Love, not done. Harry Potter, done. And The Change of done 40 different ways. Right. So it's two rom coms that are the only ones that aren't exact, you know, replicas. Yeah. But I I would and I would I would, I would argue that Jordan as Jordan said, the change up's been done 20 times anyway. Yeah. But six of those top 10 movies are are obviously the sequels or remakes or adaptations. Yeah. And it's coming to TV too. I mean, it's like, hey. Charlie's Angels is back on TV. Like, we're just officially out of ideas. That's it. And yet they're not bringing back what I wanna see. Family Family Ties or Cats of Life. Off from your mouth to God's ears. God, hope God willing. But while Disney Studios has shut down production on The Lone Ranger, the big budget film starring Johnny Depp as Tonto and Armie Hammer as the title character. That's a Winkle Voss. Right? Yes. Or both That is That's both the Winkle Voss. Yeah. Because it was grossly over budget. Filmmakers what? He he was the one that was digitally put in, so that's the bummer part. Mhmm. This wink this actor. This one. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You can tell because there's better steam going down the photo. I bet you could tell that to stupid chicks at a party. Like, oh, you you played both parts in the social network? No. I was one. I was the digital one. Yeah. I I was I was all CGI. I was the CGI one. Yeah. Oh, wow. That's so That's so fun. Yeah. Is your brother coming? Yeah. So, what? Why? It was over budget. Filmmakers were attempting to reduce the 250,000,000 budget, but had yet to reach the 200,000,000 figure Disney wanted. Jesus Christ. Well, there you go. That's what we're talking about. Mhmm. Arnold Schwarzenegger's legitimate son, Patrick, is the star of a new campaign for Hudson jeans. Patrick appears shirtless in the advertisement, which showcases his yoga honed physique. Now this isn't the son that he had with the male model. The legitimate one. Yes. Okay. So sad that male models have yoga honed physiques now. And Like, he's not purging. And by the way, not not having hair on you and not being fat doesn't make you a male model. Yeah. It does. I mean, I'm just looking at a skinny guy with a shirt off. That looks like every f**king guy I work construction with. This guy do a little better than that. You're a regular John Casablancas. It's interesting when you look at early photos of Schwarzenegger in Austria, like, before he started juicing. Mhmm. And he had pretty much like, you know, he was a he was a bodybuilder, but he wasn't anywhere near Schwarzenegger size. Right. But do you recognize where this billboard is located? It is right above Pico. Yeah. No. It's it's above Happy Endings Right. Which is, our sports bar. Mhmm. Yeah. Good times. I gotta say this. I wanna get back to Mike Myers for a second. Okay. I I wanna I wanna find out what's creeping around inside that guy's head. Like, I wanna get him and Jim Carrey together one day and just, like, lock ourselves in a room and put a bottle of scotch down on a table and goes, fellas, we're getting to the bottom of this. I wanna find out if you guys are geniuses or insane or both or f**king overrated or underrated. Like, I gotta figure this out. He actually, hosted the movie a year movie awards one year. I was on it. And? Interesting. Interesting guy. I mean, I I nuts, douchebag, eccentric. Canadian? Eccentric a little bit. But but I think I think it felt a tad bit contrived. I don't know. I mean, maybe I'm I mean, sometimes you say things like this and I feel like I'm there goes a whole amount of work I'm gonna have in the future. No one listens to that s**t. But, like, what I did find out that's very crazy is there's comedy camps, which I didn't know existed. And maybe because I'm naive, but at that level Mhmm. You know, you've got the you know, sometimes they integrate, but, you know, you've got your Apatow camp and you have your you know, they all try to get they do get along, but I feel like there's that when push comes to shove Mhmm. It's like, no, they're opening this weekend. We're not opening that week. You know? Right. They get very competitive. Because I remember there was an actor that was pulled off. We were doing, promos for hit for Mike Myers' year. Mhmm. And there was this guy who I was so excited to meet from Heroes, that guy, Massey or Mhmm. That actor. And he was in the new, Steve Carell, Agent ninety nine what's that? Get Smart. Get Smart movie. And because he was doing that in Love Guru's opening, they were like, get him off the set. Well I was I'm not saying it was necessarily Mike, but someone made a call and all of a sudden the guy's gone. Think about Mike. It It feels like the antithesis of creative to go, I'm gonna do a part four of anything as a comedian. Like, I just think Well, Shrek. I mean, look at that. How much money? I mean, let's go. A a billion dollars to do VO work. Fine. Right. But if you're doing I I just I don't feel like, you know, I just don't feel like Sacha Baron Cohen would do a whole bunch of Bruno threes, fours, and fives. Like How do you turn that in that paycheck? You know what I'm saying? If you're Mike Myers and they're like, hey. Austin Powers four, man. You created these characters. We're gonna drop off a boatload of money. I feel like he's gotta have a hundred million line around somewhere anyway. He just went through a divorce. Oh, really? Yeah. Damn. I His wife was like his writing partner too, I think. Alright. Well, you know you know you know you know who you know who I do admire so much is Ricky Gervais and Steve Merchant because they do these series. They do The Office for two seasons, then they did extras, and then they just pull the plug themselves. They're like, no. We're done. Yeah. Huge hits. I mean, maybe they have the liberty because the office went to 10 different countries and Sure. But they're doing this new midget series called Life's Too Short with a cast of midgets. Well, that's so And then after two, I'm sure they'll pull it again because they just they get tired. I'm not that wasn't No. But that's that's what you should be doing. Like, I mean, creatively look. Whether you write songs, do comedy, or paint paintings, you shouldn't just be doing the same one Right. Or a variation of the same one over and over again. It seems like the opposite of creativity. But anyway You know, Adam, guys like Mike Myers may work in comedy. I think there's a lot of sadness there. Yeah. There's that's the show with the guys who played Willow. So deep. Yeah. It is so deep. Alright. But I think, like, I gonna yeah. I was gonna do Coldplay album. Mhmm. I I I listened to a couple songs. Actually, it's like a guilty pleasure, I guess, because it's supposed to be girl music, maybe. I don't know. It's more gay music. Great gay music. Okay. I like it. And, but it's really it's the same song that I feel like Dad, are you gay? Yeah. Okay. There's an element where it's like, but he doesn't have the same Which is smart. I go that's good. He's got found He plays big hit by a bunch. Sparks. Clocks. Clocks. He doesn't do clocks one, clocks two, clocks three, clocks four. Four. I mean, Steve Martin movies kind of feel like Steve Martin movies, and Albert Brooks movies feel like Albert Brooks movies. But Albert Brooks isn't doing lost in America Two. Right. That's all I'm saying. Alright. Sorry. Go ahead. Wonder what the first sequel was. Oh. That's a good trivia question. Yeah. Trying to work that out. Go ahead. There should be a remake of All of Me. Remember that movie with Steve Martin? Sure. Lily Tomlin. Yeah. That was a hilarious movie. Neo Nazi rock fans in Germany were tricked into accepting t shirts with anti extremist messages that appeared when they washed the shirts. The slogans on the shirts, which were handed out to 250 people at the Rock for Germany festival, first read hardcore rebels and had a skull and nationalist flags. But when washed, the tagline turned into a message from a group offering to help far right extremists break away from the neo Nazi scene. Quote, if your T shirt can do it, you can do it too. We'll help you get away from right wing extremism, read the super snappy slogan on the shirt. The shirts were donated anonymously and provided by Exit, a group which helps people disassociate from the far right. And, evidently, the shirt makers had to experiment to make sure the top layer wouldn't wash off in the rain. Yeah. That's looking awesome. Here's my feeling about Did he wash your shirt? Guys that are into, you know, killing Jews and, worshiping Hitler and goose stepping around town. T shirts usually don't get them to turn the corner. I know. It's more bandanas. No. Totally. And I thought I was going in different directions. As Doc Martens. No. But I'm just saying, when you're really good and f**ked up, it's sort of like when you see those bumper stickers that say end senior abuse or the ones that say, like Coexist. Get, you know, get to know a human trafficking or something like if you're really that far into it where you're beating the elderly or trafficking human beings, I don't feel like the bumper sticker is gonna slow you down. And all this is gonna do is piss off the neo Nazis and get them to choke out a few more. They're probably gonna choke out some Jews with those shirts now. Right. Probably. Say choke out some Jews again. Choke out some Jews. I think that perhaps it it's publicity for this group. Uh-huh. I see. You know what you know what it's gonna do is it's gonna expose those neo Nazis that don't wash their shirts. Yeah. Because a month down the road, the neo Nazis who have washed their shirts are still grumbling about it. Here comes the Heinrich Oh, here comes the stinky gerbils. Yeah. Heinrich is still wearing the t shirts we got at the rock concert. Yeah. So what is wrong? You you haven't you haven't held the it's been a month. Have you worn it more than once? I mean, I don't perspire. Maybe you should you really should wash that shirt. No. I mean, you really should wash that shirt. I know what? I but when I goose step, I barely lift my legs. I just I don't push my arm. You know what? Second thought, don't wash that shirt. Never wash that shirt. Mhmm. Wow. That's, sad that we're doing that. At at what year is it? We're trying to talk people out of the whole Nazi thing. Sad that your Nazi who doesn't wash his shirt is Middle Eastern. Yeah. I don't know. I don't know what What year is this? Year. Is that what you asked? I'm saying how long? I don't know what you gotta do with these f**king people. Let's round them up and kill them. Let's kill the neo Nazis. And by the way, how long do you get the neo in front of you? Because eventually, you're gonna be longer you're gonna be around longer than Nazi Nazis. Retro Nazi. Yeah. It's it's like how long can You're Nazi reenactors. I mean, how long can, like, musical youth or new edition keep their keep the new and the youth on their title? You know what I mean? It's like Tomorrowland at Disneyland. I mean, what Yesterdayland. Nazi Nazis, I feel like, you know, they they had a they had a decent run, you know, mid thirties, mid mid later thirties up until, let's just say, the end of World War two. Forty four? Yeah. Forty four and '45. You know, they had a good good decade run. Good run. And then they cooled it down for a while. But I feel like I've been hearing about neo Nazis since high school. Yeah. Mhmm. Yeah. And it's time for that to go. They're classical Nazis. They may have bumped off Nazi Nazis. Yeah. Old school throwback? I'm sure there's more neo Nazis than Nazi Nazis. Nazi Nazis are old and live in Argentina. Mhmm. I remember, David Tell doing a joke about having, Klan meetings still. Mhmm. He's like, is there any new business with the Klan? Why are they still meeting? What do you mean? They go to we read the minutes from last week's meeting? It's like, we hate everyone. We wear sheets. Alright. Let's get out of here. Kill the Jews. What else we got here? Order of order Adam. We covered that last week. We're head of the new business. Oh, do we cover the blacks and the Jews last week? Or is it just Let me check the red the the minutes and blacks there. Jews. Yeah. Kind of both. Oh, safety note. We're gonna wanna go ahead and tuck those sheets into your socks when we're doing the cross burnings. We've had a lot of proms. Guys going up this year. I have to leave early the meeting today. What? Where are you going? To kill some guys. Oh, Jews? No. No. No. Black guys? No. No. No. Mexicans? Alright. I haven't been killing people. Ah, Jesus. Oh, oh, oh, don't forget about the gays. It just seems like setting crosses on fire wearing bedsheets seems like a bad plan. Do you think they're like, and we're gonna need someone to bring the coffee and the cookies for next meeting? Yeah. And I need a show of hands for who can help clean up afterwards. Ted, two two words, ambrosia salad. Please do not disappoint this year. And, and then there's probably those arguments because Rob always says he's gonna bring the paper plates, and that's that's always the cop out move while everyone else is making casseroles and bringing chafing dishes. And I'm thinking that we're gonna be start ordering we're gonna start ordering our sheets from a different company because they're gonna give us a better deal. Yeah. Yeah. Point of clarification. Can we go and get together on this burning of the crosses and burning of the swastikas? Because it's supposed to be good or bad because it's bad when you burn a swastika on your own lawn, but it's good when you burn a cross on a church's lawn. I'm confused. Go ahead and vote on this, please. And it is weird because, yeah, the cross is sort of your symbol, but you burn it. But if American if the American flag is your symbol and you burn that, then that wouldn't be a smart move. But I think that isn't that the only way to get rid of a there's something where you're actually supposed to burn a flag, I think. Yeah. If you drop one. Really? Well, yeah. If you there's there's certain flag We don't burn it. There's flag I don't know. Flag etiquette. Yeah. Yeah. And if it touches the ground or something like that. Jews, like, if we drop a Bible, we're just to kiss our hand and touch the Bible. Right. And if you drop a nickel, y'all shoulder roll. Go for it. Die. That's a f**king big pile. Everybody's like a scrum. Jew scrum. Alright. You can't do better. Hey. This this I will tell you. Better Jew scrum. I might I won't top that. But on this this is just a more more you know type moment with this just reminded me of white. I was listening to an old show of yours Mhmm. And you were talking about the the the shirts, the white shirts that you wear, and you'll go on a talk show, and it'll get all orange. Yeah. The makeup. The makeup. And you're, like, what do these guys do? How do they do Kimmel, how every night, they've got what are they throwing these out? Right. I, a wardrobe person told me the other day, it there's something called tacking, which I've never heard about. Mhmm. I don't know if you guys have heard of this. Mhmm. But you you they sort of dye the shirt, so it's a little off white. It's like a gray. Uh-huh. And for some reason, things don't show up as badly. So And it's come off or something. The meaning There you go. The more you know So when you're gonna put something on camera, they'll tell you don't wear a white shirt because it pops too much. So they'll That helps. They'll take a white shirt. It's kinda interesting. Now you guys are gonna be bored by this, but Ferrari, everyone thinks of Ferraris as red Ferraris Yeah. But their racing color is orange, which looks red on TV. Right. The red, like, looks too red on TV, but the orange looks like it's red. Yeah. So I think it's called Scuderia or something like that. But the point is is this is Oh, boy. This is a version of that. Get your a white shirt is too much white and it pops too much so they gray it up. But still doesn't it still you still get that ring around the collar. Right? So you gotta rub it with Crisco first. Is that what it is? There there was something about it where she said that the things stains don't show up, but also makeup and stuff rolls off it. Maybe it create changes the texture. Now I'm really getting interested. Alright. Well, speaking of interesting, zero one Media Center. That's right. Your Apple specialist. All the latest products from Apple, including accessories and peripherals and upgrades. I don't even know what a peripheral is. What is that like? What's peripheral? Any accessory. No. An accessory. External hard drives and all sorts of USB cord. USB ports and cords and Founded, by the way, by a post production professional. So if you wanna make yourself a a bio, a movie, a edit, whatever, they'll build you a special computer. TV, radio, they built all our computers for us. Over fifteen years experience, Apple certified technicians available for computer repair and remote tech support. I like that because, again, you don't have to press the flash or worse, look in anyone's eye. (310) 651-8488 or you can check out our good friends at Zero One Media Center online. 01mediacenter.com. Good guys. Been with us all along. One of the first guys to get on board here. 01mediacenter.com. Alright. Jordan Rubin, the Download, everyone. Comedycentral.com/ the download. August 20 fourth coming back. Coming back. Demetri Martin will be on it. Andy Dick, Judah Friedlander coming up. Also, you can check out his website, mister jordanrubin.com. Mister spelled just m is it m-r? M r jordan rubin Com. And you can Twitter him at jordan rubin. Jordan, always great to see him. Thanks. Smarter me on. It's fun. Muzzle toff. And until next time, Sam Carolla, for ball Brian, Jordan Rubin, Allison. Tell us your other Rosen. Rosen saying, You gotta get a shot in the a*s. Alright. This is Jordan Rubin on the ACS. Coming up next for our final clip today, we have Adam Krolosso sixteen thirty six. Adam and Bryan Cranston, one on one twenty fifteen. Check it out. And now, Lynch's Wayne joke just takes time away from Cranston, so I'm skipping it. Adam Carolla. Yeah. Get it on. Got to get it on. No choice but to get it on, man. They get on. Welcome back to studio, Bryan Cranston. Good to be back, my friend. How are you? Yeah. I have such a great affection for Brian Cranston. Oh, nice. And I I was so nice. I was thinking, Brian's got a Amazon show, Sneaky Pete, by the way. Giovanni, Giovanni Rabici Yeah. Is, the artist in the, show. And this is this is now are you producing I'm producing it. Yeah. This. I co wrote the story too. And you can download the pilot for free today on Amazon. So you go to Amazon Video, and you can take a look at the pilot, and then we'll go into the series. I'm Well, yeah. I mean, if everybody likes it well enough, which I hope, of course. Sure. But they have this really unique way of of testing their pilots by putting it out to the people who would actually want to watch it or not. And they trust the opinions, which is a really refreshing thing, which is so adverse to what the normal networks do and just kind of keep it insulated. And this is what we like it. This is what we want, or this is what we think people are gonna want. Well, it's insane when you see, like, you know, the, Amazon and Netflix and all the, you know, the Emmy nomination starts coming out and Netflix gets 23 or what whatever whatever it is. You know, RadioShack gets 44 Emmy nominations this year. And it's like your mind is blown because, like, at first, it was HBO, and you're kinda going, that doesn't sound like NBC, but alright. Maybe they're doing some programming over there. Alright. HBO. And there's, like, a Showtime, and then, okay. It's a brand new world. TNT or something. And now it's just wide open. Wide open. Everything that we knew about the television business model when we were coming up is completely changed. Well, can I liken it to this? And you tell me if you think this an apt analogy. For a million years, there was the big three. It was just, you know, of GM and Ford and Chevy, and that that that that was about it. And they sort of Honda started poking around with their little their the engine you know, the tires were the size of shopping cart wheels, and they had motorcycle engines in them. And the big three were just laughing. They're like, we make a Buick Riviera. Yeah. Beat that beat that b***h. We don't need your little f**king four bangers with your fuel economy. It's 49¢ a gallon. Get the f**k out of here. They were, like, getting laid in that car. No. And they just laughed and laughed and laughed. And the next thing you know, they sort of looked around and went, everyone's driving a Toyota. Everyone's driving a Honda. Wait a minute. The fuel prices are through the roof. It I sort of feel like that way with the big three networks. Yeah. It's ironic that there's the big three and the big three automotive in Detroit and the big three networks, but they sort of sat around and went, oh, come on, show. Netflix, what are you gonna do? Make a movie? Yeah. Come on. I mean, I guess you'd have to include Fox. You have to include Fox in in the big so the big four. But it it has, some parallels to it, doesn't it? And now you're looking at a whole new dynamic. Part of the the hesitation I had initially in signing on to do Breaking Bad was the fact that it was going to be on American movie classics. Right. What they showed old movies on that channel. Why would I are you sure? What Right. And then I saw the pilot to Mad Men that was before it had aired Right. I saw the pilot. And I thought, oh my god. If this is what they're doing, then I they're serious. Well and now the great news is just like there used to be a stigma between toggling back and forth from doing features to doing television, like, you know, hey, Brian. You're a feature guy. You can't be doing you can't be slumming it on TV. You're gonna get cast, typecast Right. Pardon the pun into just a TV guy. I like the just wild west of everyone gets to do everything, but the caveat is it's gotta perform. You gotta bring it. Yeah. You you you have to do a show like Breaking Bad or Mad Men. It's gotta be good. That's that's there's one that's that sort of thing where it's like, I wanna say to every 17 year old kid who goes, I can make my own album. I can have my own CDs. I can I have my own YouTube channel? I always wanna stop them before they leave and go, hold on. Not so fast. It's gotta be really good. Yeah. That's right. And that's the same thing in the auto business. When when those cars first came out, they said, okay. Well, they're tin cans. Let let they'll have that market. We don't wanna be in that market anyway. And then they started making better cars. And now you look at Toyota and you look at, you know, Nissan, and they're they're But they really terrific cars. They are. And they forced Ford to up their game Yeah. Which means AMC is gonna force ABC to up their game as well. And I think that's what's happening. And, ultimately, it's the consumer that's gonna win because there's 30 different makes and models of cars, and they're all great. And now I would grew up and I was watching Dukes of Hazard followed by Fantasy Island. Yeah. Just And there's just nothing I tears. Oh, god. Yeah. I would watch Family Affair and be like, is eight too young to kill yourself? I don't feel like there's a lot left to to accomplish. Duke's a hazard. All you wanted to see let me give me a decent chase. Yeah. And let me see the Daisy Dukes. Let me see maybe a little a*s cheek hanging out of the Daisy Dukes. He's a little a*s cheek. Just a little something. So, I was thinking about you, as I was thinking about this. When I mentioned a*s cheek, did you did you That made me think about you. I thought so. I thought I love Kranz. He's such a good guy, such a humble guy, such a guy's guy. And then I thought, I think I'm gonna chalk it up to you having success at a later part of your career, not too early, not too often, no head case boy band, child star syndrome. Do you feel like Bryan Cranston's psyche was sort of the cement was dry on your psyche, and then you became immensely successful and popular? I think that's I mean, if you could write a a story on how you'd like to become successful, that's the that's the model. There is a saying in China that wishes you early huge success in your life, and it's meant as a curse. Oh. Because it's meant to say, you cannot handle that. Look at we we see examples over and over again in the in the, you know, in the sports world or in young rap artists or, you know, singing sensations or whatever. And they don't they don't have the life experience to realize that, hey. This is a wave. Ride the wave for as long as you can, and then it's going to end. Right. And be prepared when it's over. Yeah. And so and, also, I was thinking I I don't know. I always I was, watching, Godzilla the other night. And and and, you know, it's a big monster movie. Gozira. But Cranston was so good in it. That that scene where you'd locked your wife out of the vapor lock door and she couldn't come through it, and you're looking at her through the, triple thick bulletproof glass was so moving. And I I thought, well, if you're a good actor, you can apply it to any genre. I mean, here we are watching incredible incredible moment, an incredible scene in Godzilla Yeah. Which I like. Thank you. But I I just thought there was so much, like, humanity just kinda pouring through your face in at that moment in that scene. And I thought, is that is that a skill that is learned, or is it something that's honed that somehow exists, but it needs to be watered and sort of nurtured and and fostered? Being, authentic and truthful. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, that that that the your the face, the the tears, this this the the inflection. I mean, there's there's you could've gone 13 different we could've screamed up at the heavens as loud as you possibly could've and sort of done it that way. But what you did in that one moment was just so insanely authentic. I fake authenticity That's I know. On a regular basis. But it's completely believable. There's no reason for you to ever get a ticket again in your life. Like, every cop Well should believe that you're pregnant. I think you could let you could say I'm rushing myself to the hospital. It's right. Caitlyn Jenner got me pregnant. I need I'm dropping any moment now. I've already busted my water. Just spill your beer out between your legs and go, that's my water. It just broke. Don't the malt liquor scent. Let's not pay attention to that. You know, truth be told, I I, I did, get pulled over in, New Mexico a couple times for speeding. And I did take off my sunglasses and my hat and take get give the officer a direct look Right. To see if there's a chance. And I thought for the first time, this is what it must be to be a good looking woman. To say, okay. Here it is. Maybe unbutton a little one, just a little peekaboo. And I looked at them, and I said, I'm sorry, officer. You know, I'm trying to drop my voice the way Sure. Walter White. And, and I got out of both tickets. They went, oh, dude. And it's the hot chick. Yes. Yes. No. I I tell people, yes. I've said being a hot chick is the ultimate celebrity, number one. And then number two, if somebody says, you know, oh, what's it like having celebrity? I say, you know, it's not like you get a bunch of s**t for free. It's like you went it's like you went to high school with everybody. And if a guy you went to high school with pulled you over, they'd go, oh, hey, Brian. Hey, man. I need to go, what have you been up to? Well, I'm a cop. You know? You go, what are you up to? And you go, I sell aluminum signing. You go, oh, alright. Well, slow it down, man, and I'll see you at the reunion. Yeah. He doesn't get out and give you a blowjob, and he doesn't put a coat of carnauba wax on your car, but he's like a guy you went to high school with. Or, like, when you go to a club and there's a guy standing at the door going, nah. Slow your roll. And then you go, oh, hey. Bryan Cranston. Yeah. Come in. He's not massaging your balls and buying you drinks. It's just he kinda goes it's like it's like going to high school. That way, right? Out with the wrong people because I get my balls massaged. Oh. Well Oh, yeah. You were you were you were the class president, the class clown. So, Cranston, I just I I, there's another, I don't know, semi loaded question here. But, is there pressure being a good guy? Because you are a good guy. And three times a year when I email you, you email me back with something nice almost immediately, and you're probably thinking, oh, f**k. The douche with the Jewfro wants something. Why did I ever give him my f**king email address? But you always write something positive or friendly. Well, what's I I I don't understand the alternative. That's good. That's good. It it's foreign to me. Well, it's not foreign to a lot of people is is what I'm saying. Really? Well, I mean So you write someone you wrote if you wrote someone that you knew or someone in show business, and they either don't write you back or they write. What do you want? Well, I mean, there's a there's a hierarchy, I think, in this town. There are people who sort of rely on that sort of pecking order of what am I doing? What are you doing? Where am I at? Where are you at? So on and so forth. And it's not that they don't, it's not that they're rude about it, but it's a sort of a quiet understood sort of thing. And you don't possess that. You possess a soup a a very regular down to earth friendly gene. But I guess what I'm saying is is, is there do you ever feel like there's pressure because you're known as such a jovial, easy, friendly guy? And I'm using myself as an example. Stupid. But I just mean when you walk in and people wanna say hi, and people wanna take a picture, and people wanna compliment you or pat you on the back or whatever it is, and sometimes your personal space gets invaded a little bit. Or you're out to dinner with your wife, and that the third person has come to the table, and, you know, this trying to eat. It's funny you mentioned that because that's what I try to do is set up a boundary so that, I don't sign anything or or take any pictures with someone who approaches me at a table when I'm with family or friends. Mhmm. So I try to set that up. And I say it politely, and I'd say, hey. You know, if you afterward, I'll catch you outside. We'll take a picture or something. But Right. And and most people are cool with that, and they get it. But in your life, it's just your wiring is of a good natured jovial person. Hey. You and I have very similar backgrounds in the sense of where we were raised and and the economic status that we didn't have Right. Growing up. And you kind of find a way to survive. And you had some s**t jobs to do when you were coming up, and so did I. Really, really hard a*s jobs. Brian was in the San Fernando Valley, and he was deep into the San Fernando Valley, like, you know, when Manson was hanging out, and it wasn't really developed. And I know because I went out to Chatsworth in the mid or later eighties to go to work in a cabinet shop for in a construction firm. And back in the later eight mid later eighties, there wasn't much going on. I mean, a lot of dirt lots out there and porn. Porn Yeah. And industrial parks and things things of that nature. So you grew up in a pretty sparse area of the San Fernando Valley. I remember you telling me about your mom packing up the, Cadillac and going over the hill to go to the, swap meet and that kinda sell sell the stuff out on the lawn and that kinda stuff. So you appreciate it. How can you not? If you go through that kind of background and literally went week to week, with a cash business selling wares, selling anything you can at swap meets to try to stave off the wolves at the door and eventually succumbing to it because we got foreclosed on. We got kicked out of our house. Our family split up, and it was, it was traumatic. But because of that, you know, you try to find a silver lining out of that. What what did I learn from that? And it's you can't take anything for granted. Nobody owes you a thing. And the only thing that you can do is work harder than anybody else. Do you feel and I I've said this, and and I I feel like it's going away. There used to be this division. Well, he does serious acting, and then he does comedy acting. And now I see many examples. You're definitely one of them where you go, oh, this guy can do a sitcom, and then he can go play Walter White, and then he can go do Godzilla, and then he can go on stage and be, FDR or sorry. Lyndon Lyndon b Johnson. And I think, oh, that's right. He's talented. He gets to do what he wants. He's not any of these people. He's just talented, and he gets to do what he wants. I I I'm very, very lucky. No. No. No. No. I am I am, extremely lucky. I will say this. You you got good bones. Yeah. Okay. So that's lucky. I I I don't mean to say that that to have false modesty and say I'm not talented because I I do feel I have very confidence in in my talent to perform, but that's not enough. In order to be successful in the arts, you have to be talented, have patience, be persistent, have a good working, work ethic, and you have to be lucky. You will not be successful without a healthy dose of luck. If you went back and asked everybody that you interview, where was your breaks? What happened? What were the circumstances? You'll find out, oh, this guy dropped out, and I was standing there. And all of a sudden Yeah. The guy waved me to come in, and there it was. Well, I here's the way I feel about luck. I'm I'm trying to convince my nine year old twins that they're unlucky. Not only do they have me for dad, but I don't want them to think they're lucky because I want them to think when it comes down to it, if it's gonna be a coin toss, you're gonna lose every time. I want you to out hustle, outwork, and outshine the next guy's applying for the job. Yeah. That's right. And then you will win that job, meaning win by knockout. Don't leave it up to the hometown judges. But, obviously, everyone has that moment that you're calling luck, but you were prepared for that moment when it came about. I don't know. Do you have a specific moment that you can look at for you and call lucky? Several moments. What would be your top three? Well, let's say that how I got breaking bad. I was I wrote and directed and raised the money myself, a a little movie called, Last Chance. Mhmm. Little romantic drama. It's really sweet. Mhmm. And we went out to the desert to shoot it, and I was back four days in LA. And I got this call to do an audition for a kind of a ne'er do well kinda guy on X Files. Mhmm. I had pushed that movie four times, and I could have easily have pushed it again and not been available for that audition. Right. I was. I got that job. Vince Gilligan was the writer of that episode, and he wrote this character that was despicable. He was an a*****e, and yet there was something sympathetic about him. Ten years later, he writes Breaking Bad, and he feels that Walter White had to be someone who despite his actions, you still felt sympathy for. And he couldn't get me out of his mind. And he calls me in, and we're supposed to have a twenty minute meeting, and we ended up having an hour and a half meeting. And out of that, he says, you're my guy. And he tells AMC and Sony, our studio, yeah, I want Bryan Cranston to do it. And they said the goofy dad from Malcolm in the Middle. Right. He said, no. No. No. He's an actor. That's what they do. And he oh, we should test this. We should bring in there was Steve Zahn was mentioned. Matthew Broderick was mentioned. A lot of other people were mentioned to come in to test, and I was going to test. And then another lucky break happened. I got a call from then, head of of Fox, Peter Ligurie. Mhmm. Nice guy. And Peter says, well, I want you to do a pilot for Fox. And I read the script. It was a thing called nurses where I played the head of a nursing, head of a hospital and whatever. And I I wasn't that interested in it, but it was nice to have the offer. We floated that out there in the circles, in the gossip circles Mhmm. That I had this offer. Uh-huh. So Sony and AMC heard about it and called me and and called the, agency and said, look. Okay. We're not gonna test. If Brian wants the role of Walter White, it's his. Right. Because I didn't wanna lose you. So the these all these kind of things happen that are are Well, yeah. I mean, but that I think that's prevalent in almost everyone's life in every career. I Those lucky breaks. Yeah. Or just op, opportunities, moments, things where things align. I mean, it it's kinda hard. It's we we have to sort of stand back because we are sort of wired to kinda go, how come every time the cable guy is supposed to come out between noon and three, and I wait for him all day, And then he showed then I go to the supermarket at 03:15 thinking he's not gonna then that a*****e show, every time. Every time. Every time. But no. It's not every time. There are times when he shows up right at noon, but you don't count it. You know, you don't take you don't take note of it or or make a note of it. And I think in everyone's life and everyone's career, there's a moment where you met someone who did something for you or there was some happen stance or circumstance or something worked out. It it happens to be when it comes to acting, it's on a much grander scale because it's a bigger payday than roofing or running a pool cleaning operation. Or as my carpet cleaning boss, Art Fuss, told me, the future was in aquarium cleaning. That's what I needed to get into. I needed to make the big bucks and transition into cleaning aquariums. But You've made a huge mistake. I do I do think that that exists in life, and it it's just the stakes are much higher because you end up getting a series and a paycheck and many, many opportunities. But when I think of Bryan Cranston, I just think of a great work ethic, a a a better person, and a an immense talent, but but an immense talent that has been honed very nicely over the years. And a guy who's burdened with a huge c**k. Girth wise. Yes. Not length. No. I yeah. That that's why Yeah. I wear condoms that have horizontal stripes on them. It makes you look thinner. And it makes the sharks think it's a sea snake and just stay away from it. Like the boner you had in Road Hard. That's right. Oh, god bless you. Hey, Dan. Being a part of that. That movie was really good. Oh, my god. And the the mark of of for me, I can appreciate that because I'm a guy and I could relate. My wife loved that movie. Oh. We sat and watched that movie months ago, and it was it was terrific. Wow. Really, really terrific. I have one one problem with it. Yes. This idea that you wouldn't bone that hot drunk chick just because you were gonna lose 250 Yes. With the with the smoking in my bathroom. Yeah. Yeah. I just I don't know. I I think I think that's bulls**t. I think you You're right. I would've I would've paid the cleaning fee. I think so. Yeah. You know, I I think my character had been so traumatized by the $250 cleaning fee from, like, act one. Yeah. He he he he fixated a little too hard on it, but I wouldn't. Little hard on it. That's very good. Play it worse. Was great, by the way. She was terrific. She was a great Yeah. She said, by the way, you know, when you write movies and and Brian will I'll be curious. You tell me. But there's always a joke where everyone laughs where they're not really supposed to laugh or they don't you never cared. You didn't write it that way. And then there's always ones where nobody laughs. And, it was it's supposed to be I mean, you're supposed to get the laugh, but you never get it. I think at some point, she said, who are you? The surgeon admiral? And it always I I was I just thought it was funny. I thought that was funny too, but I don't think anyone ever laughed when they saw it. I did. Oh, well, thank you, Bryan Cranston. Now And, being the star of the Submarine Show, the sitcom that you Close Quarters. Close Quarters. Mhmm. I still haven't seen a nickel of residual money from that show. Can I can I tell you how pumped my kids are to be on a fake poster with Bryan Cranston who was in poor Bryan? All he gets all he does is get hit up for f**king favors by me. But, that's why, by the way, I'm gonna tell you guys to, watch, Sneaky Pete Sneaky Pete. And, go to Amazon. And you should give it a lovely review. That's what I'm saying. I'm not saying live, but it'll be good. You can download the pilot for free today at, on Amazon Video, and, it is Now it's not it's not it's not Breaking Bad dark. In fact, it's kind of Well, fun. It it is a lot of fun, actually. I I kinda have this question for you. How much of your writing has improved by all the great words other people have put in your mouth? The way you put that, it sounds dirty. It's girthy. Yeah. Quite a bit. I would imagine. I've I I would imagine that being exposed to oodles of great dialogue Exactly. That's the technical term. Oodles. Yeah. It's gonna sound bad again, but reams. Gilligan just reaming you. Reaming all of them. Reams of great, great dialogue just over again, just pounding in the back of your throat. Just pulsating, thrusting word after word after word. Gushing with verbiage all over your face. How much of spew a performance? That's what I'm saying. How much of that has affected your I mean, I couldn't hurt it. But is there there's two ways you can do it. One is you can kind of, like, absorb it and kinda go, I'm better for being exposed to this. There's another part that can go like, oh, I could never rise to this level. How I don't I don't look at it like trying to compete with Vince. He's brilliant. And I'm I've never thought that my writing would be in competition with his. I it I do what I do. However, he raised the bar. My sensibility and my demand on my own work and, therefore, the other people that I work with, has risen. Well, do do you when you're doing now, obviously, when you're doing a movie like Argo, it's like, alright. Everything's great. Ever everyone is great. But then there are movies where, hey. I needed it's a nice payday. I'm gonna play part in a movie. Maybe the script isn't spectacular, but I want my stuff to be the way I'd like it to be. Yeah. But no. It doesn't there any of that? No. The the the thing is is that once you get to if you get lucky enough to get in this position, you really shouldn't do anything where the script is not good. Mhmm. Because it will it won't make you look good. It's almost like if you if you're a good tennis player Mhmm. It doesn't do you any good to play tennis with someone who's terrible. Right. Oh, yeah. The people looking might go, god. That guy's good, and that guy's terrible. Well, what does that do for you? Right. It doesn't improve your game. People don't wanna watch the tennis match. They wanna see something that is, is compelling. And so if you're surround yourself with people who are terrific, a script that's great, and a director that has a clear interesting vision, it could still f**k up. It could still all go south. It's it's such a delicate, recipe. No. It's so funny that you said recipe because I was thinking as you were describing this, that that sense of angst when you're making a a movie. I've I've kinda I did it with, Roadheart and then, the hammer as well. Right. But and I did this Paul Newman documentary that you don't quite have that sense when you're doing a documentary or that same pressure because you didn't write the script. This is someone else's life. You're just sort of telling it. Right. But I always tell people, and they go like, you know, how's it going? How's the movie going? Or how's it going? How's it coming together? How's the shooting going? I go, look. It it's sort of a stew. And I always say you can take all the best ingredients and all the ingredients you love the most. You just love that veal shank, and you love the potatoes, and you love the big chunks of carrot. Like, you love the little paprika. Like, you love everything. You put it in this stew, and you let it steep and simmer, and you put the lid on it and everything. And at a certain point, it's time to drop the ladle in and take just a little off the ladle. And even with all your favorite ingredients and all the best, highest quality ingredients, you can just kinda look up and go, it's not bad. Yeah. But It didn't come together. It didn't come considering everything that's in this pot as all stuff I love the best and chose and and so on and so forth, I just took a hit off that ladle. It's like, it's the worst moment in the world where it's like, just didn't work. It's true. Well Well, it's what you were saying earlier about someone, I guess I'll go do this. Well, you have to do it really well or else it doesn't make any what what difference does it make? Yeah. So a lot of people say they're gonna go out and make a movie, and and people think that it should be easy. And they and audiences shouldn't know how difficult it is to put together a film and the and the frustrations and the artistic disagreements and arguments and and and, you know, failures, quite frankly, that that happens. The second choices that, someone dropped out at the last minute. You get a replacement. Nobody knows what's going on behind the curtain. And you and and it is like a magic trick. So you shouldn't pull the curtain back and say, this is how tough it was. It either works or it doesn't work. And audiences shouldn't care about the problems that you had putting together a movie. But when you're in the middle of it, you just don't know, which is weird because if you're playing in a jazz quartet and you're in the middle of tangerine and you're jamming away, you know You know if it's what's going on. And when you're up on stage and there's a microphone in your hand and you're doing some stand up comedy and it's kicking a*s or you're balls deep in a hot chick, bring it back to the section. You know you know in the moment. You know in the moment when I'm driving, one of Paul Newman's race cars and it's going nicely. I'm aware of it right down to the millisecond. But the movie is weird because you're like, well, in nine months, we're gonna get a rough cut. Yeah. And we'll get some idea. It is like pregnancy in that sense. You really you think, well, we did everything right, and my wife is eating well, and she's not smoking and drinking and And then stopped all that energy drugs. Four years later, you're looking at a kid, and he's eating a candle. And you're going, I guess, it just didn't work out that well. Alright. Let me give a little love because I can keep going with, Cranston. I got some of your social media questions here, by the way. Okay. DraftKings. Ah, golf's final major starts, next week at draft kings dot com. They're giving out $3,300,000 in prizes. They're crowning this year's fantasy golf millionaire. This is why the terrorists hate us. We have fantasy golf millionaires. That's amazing. Not even actual golf millionaires. I thought are you in the middle of a commercial? I am. Okay. I should not interject? You can. I so, what is it? DraftKings. DraftKings. Is that legal now again? Yes. I I didn't know that they made that legal again. It's not only that. It's mandatory. Mandatory. Participate. I think it's pretty awesome. Yes. We're living in a great country. Yep. Just pick six golfers, pile up the points, and pick up your cash, and even, and by the way, the, the event begins with the, tournament. So choose your golfers before the upcoming, Thursday's tee off, and you'll be in. It is your last chance. It's DraftKings. DraftKings dot com. Dawson. Hurry to DraftKings.com now and use promo code Adam to play for free for a shot to become a millionaire. Enter Adam now at DraftKings.com. DraftKings Com. That's DraftKings.com. So what's coming up there, Cranny? I know you can't talk about everything, and I know Sneaky Pete is the, show du jour, but, obviously, there's some movies come in, some movies in the can Yeah. Some people you're working with. Some things going on. Yeah. Well, Sneaky Pete is, a great series. It's a pilot series. It's about a guy who is a con artist who takes on the identity of a cellmate Mhmm. And, tries to hide out from the mob that he owns owes money to. And while he's trying to raise the money to pay the mob back, he takes a job with this new assumed family as, a skip tracer, which is a guy who finds people who bailed out. Right? They they skipped out on their bail. They're not showing up to court. So the family that he's is infiltrated, basically, is, owns a bail bonds company. Mhmm. And, so we call it sneaky Pete. And And, you know, you're riding producing Yeah. But not in is talent. Or are you? I might make an appearance. Well, that's what we all we all we all thirst for. It's it's a lot of fun. So, and, again, easy. You just go to go on Amazon Video, and you can download the pilot for free. Alright. Some folks from, social media have some, questions Yeah. For you. Are you in regular contact with Aaron Paul? Yes. Alright. Yeah. He's going to show me. We're we're we're buds. So, absolutely. We're we're in contact with each other a lot. How about a Walter White cameo on Better Call Saul? Possible? Possible. Possible. Been discussed. It has been discussed. I think there are people who would like to see that. But knowing Vince Gilligan and Peter Gould who run the show, they wouldn't do anything that that, jeopardizes the the, verisimilitude of the show, is that we say? Yeah. The you know, so if it's logical in the story sense and character sense that somehow before Walter's final two years of midlife, if he runs into Saul at some point or has some other kind of connection, I would do it in a second because, I miss those people, and it would be fun to jump back into that guy. Do do you feel a sense of, gratitude for Vince? An, undying gratitude. Like, not that you're going to, but you should give him 10% of everything you make from this day. Let's not go that far. But I'm saying Yeah. I'll give them a handy. I'll give them a handy. I'll go on. I think he'd I think he'd probably prefer the 10% unless he could film the handy and have the handy go viral. I was funny. I was looking at one of these questions here about, you and, that thing you do and playing Buzz Aldrin and all that stuff. But Oh, yeah. I I one of the one of the things I I really enjoy, I I really enjoyed that movie, number one, that thing you do. I just thought it was fun. Fun, wasn't it? It was really fun fun, nice movie, and it was exactly what it presented itself as being. And it had a pop song that could was actually a good pop song. Yeah. And when when I was watching you in a very small role Very small. But, it was funny because it's sort of more interesting to watch really good actors in really small roles sometimes than than just chew up the scenery because you they only have that it's sort of, it's like one of those celebrity softball games where you only get one one trip to the plate. And, you know, anyone's capable of popping out or grounding out or hitting a comeback or the pitcher and dribbling it back there. I mean, I played a game where Wade Boggs, like, popped out twice. You know what I mean? The guy had the batting crown for five years. You know? In softball, he popped out to the third basement twice. But the point is that the little role when I saw you as Buzz Aldrin in that movie, it's during when they're doing this sort of, I I I guess called it sort of Ed Sullivan show type type show from the I was actually, Gus Grissom. Oh, you're Gus Grissom. I'm sorry. Apollo one. When you said, it's like Gina Lollobridge and his body or something is out of this world, you did it in a way an astronaut would have done it. Like, you did not nail the joke very well at all. Like, you did a really so it was fun to watch a really good actor do a really s**tty job at landing a joke on a on a show. Yeah. It was actually tough because your instinct is saying, no. That doesn't sound good. Right. So your instinct is to try to land it, and then you and then I had to just tweak it. And, yeah, it's it's Right. It was fun to do. But it's funny watching a good actor be a bad actor for a few seconds because he's an astronaut attempting to read off, cue cards and deliver a joke. You know, that's that's someone who, taught me a lot, Tom Hanks. Tom Hanks? Yeah. He taught me a lot. Teach you. Well, he he taught me a lot of about how to behave, how to accept, how to, conduct yourself in public and, you know, before the press and how to be congenial without, sacrificing your personal freedoms. Mhmm. He was a he's a master at it, and and that's why he has that reputation of being a good guy. He is a good guy. I've known him personally for many years now. Well, I, I've seen him. I would go to the Shakespeare Festival thing that he would do to raise the money every every year and and get all the folks to come out and go do that and everything. And he he's just so he has such a great sense of humor about himself. Yeah. He seems like we're open the show by sort of talking about you and talking about your sensibility and having that sense of I guess, I think of what it is is a a comfort in your own skin Yeah. Where you don't feel like you have to dance or you don't have to feel like you have to put put up a front or some bravado or now you have to do your your impression of a celebrity when he goes out to dinner or whatever it is, you'd you, a comfort in your own skin, which I'm I'm guessing aids in the acting quite a bit because it's not good to get up in your head No. No. When you're when you're acting. And it also comes back to being a civilian for so many years Yeah. That when it came time to be a celebrity, the civilian part of your brain was dominant. I, yes. And I'm still getting used to that because it's it is an abnormal way of life Mhmm. To have everyone, not everyone, but nearly everyone you that sees you in public makes some sort of recognizable, move either Sure. Verbally or physically or they wanna meet you or talk to you or take your picture. And and the thing is is now now everyone is a photographer with their with their eyes on, and everyone wants a picture and then things like that. And and it's going to immediately be around the world. That little picture, off the cuff picture that you didn't quite open your eyes to, is going to be around the world. So that's I'm I'm I'm starting to smile because I've done it a million times where the drunken chick says, oh, oh, one more. Last one. Last one. One more. Last one. And I always say, it's not last one for you. Exactly right. Not me. There's other people here that are gonna take more, and I don't have to do it like you have to do it. I could only imagine that. But I I think and I think it's it's fun, and I, you know, I don't know if you're this way. But every once in a while, for fun, if somebody comes up and says, my friend over there is a huge fan, but she's really nervous or he's really nervous, and he doesn't wanna say anything, but it would really make his day and blah blah blah. I think it's fun to go over that person and hug them. Like, just hug them hard. Just to almost to f**k with them Yeah. But just because you can. Just because it's why not? Just why not blow that person's mind? I do that a lot just for my own, entertainment. Yeah. Like, so you'll be signing some autographs and taking pictures with people, and then one guy will say, can I have a picture? And I'll go, no. And he'll look at me, and he'll I'll go, no. I have to draw a line somewhere. No. And then I'll start to walk away or something. It's like, oh my god. And then come back and you know? I must say my, my, Cranston is such a fine actor that, my dad isn't what you would call a fan of mine. I'm not but it's he's not a fan. He's not a fan of yours? Not a fan. I mean, not he does everything against me. He's just he's a quiet man who doesn't exactly know what I do. I I do not believe. Still, to this day, he's like, so you talk on radio, but it's not radio? Yeah. I So what do you do? I he really doesn't know, and he doesn't read the books or see the movies or do any of that. But I I have very proud. He's a proud man. And I had him at my house, and I I said, you know what I think would get some traction with him? Because I think my stepmom was talking about Breaking Bad, how much he loved you. I said, well, you know, I did a video to raise money for Roadheart and mister Cranson. I said, I'll show it to you. I they they it was the kind of thing they would never see. And then I said, the problem with doing something like this with Bryan Cranston is he's such a good actor, and it it was reminding me as you were telling that person in Jess you weren't gonna take a picture of them. I was believing you. I thought I just asked to take a picture and you're denying it, and I was crushed. My soul was momentarily crushed. But I said, now the problem with the video is Cranston is so g*****n good that he gets all the credit for all the jokes. I said, I wrote all the jokes. Those are my jokes. When he when he says pod cart, that's my joke. And I said, so going into it, understand stepmom and dad, you're gonna see Cranston be super funny, but understand those are my jokes. Boy, that's just sad of you. Just screaming for attention. Yeah. No wonder he doesn't like you. Screaming. And I said, oh, again, he look. It's not that he doesn't like me. I think I think the jury's out is the way he's looking at He doesn't wanna commit. Oh, well, I like you. Alright. Thank you. And I I I I appreciate that appreciation. You something. Oh, you brought me some. Well Can I can I say this? Well, I'll just finish the story. They watched it. Yes. My dad said that was the greatest, funniest thing he'd ever seen me do or involve it. Not that he had much to choose from. He didn't see many episodes of the man show, but he watched it. And then he stopped when we were done, and he said, did Brian just come up with all that stuff just off the cuff? And I said, first off, I told you four minutes ago. No. But you're it was so convincing that you actually that's that that was actually the thought, and I guess that's, you know, job done as an actor. Now what did you bring me, Brian? I brought I brought you a a bottle of alcohol. What? How did you know? Well, here. Take a look. Brian is, handing it to me. Heisenberg. It is, the one who knocks. It's, Blue Eyes. It's handcrafted. Oh, it's American vodka. Yes. Oh, that is nice. A little blue tint to it. Sweet. When did Heisenberg vodka. When did this it's a limited edition. Yeah. I brought some mangroa over to your place so that turnabout turnabout is fair play. I love the mangroa. When, when did this come about? This came out, earlier this year, and it's, it it it's hard to find now because they're they're they're flying off the shelf. So I expect you to just put that up on eBay so you can buy a, you know, a water cooler or something here for the No. Well, I'll drink it first. I'll need you to autograph it, obviously, so I can fetch it. Sell it. Well, yeah, it's going it's getting sold. It's just for it getting sold for. Need the honesty. That's all I crave. Wow. I love it. I love I had a little vodka last night, so I will, I will def and it will not be regifted or sit on a shelf. I will definitely, drink it. So where where do we find it, by the way, as long as we're talking about it? To go online to find Heisenberg vodka. I don't I don't actually think it's it's made it to the store. I think you have to order it. I honestly don't know where you find it, but I'm sure there are people who know. Mhmm. And and, your regular puff daddy over here with your pitch session. Blueicevodka.com. Blue blue ice vodka Com. Is that right? That's where you go. Speaking online, LifeLock. Oh, you gotta protect your identity. LifeLock ultimate. Look. Whether you go online and buy vodka like I do or you're just at the gas station, swiping the debit card, the thieves are there. They're skimming. They have the skimming devices. Use the public Wi Fi that can steal your identity. That's it. You don't want your identity stolen. You do all this business online. LifeLock. It's protection. It's 2,015. It's what you need. Protect your Social Security number, bank retirement accounts, credit cards, even home equity. No one can prevent all identity identity. That should be a new word. No one can prevent all identity theft. Monitor every transaction at every business, but enroll now with LifeLock. And in minutes, your protection begins. It's LifeLock Dawson. Visit LifeLock.com and enter promo code Adam to save 10% on your LifeLock Ultimate Plus membership. That's promo code Adam at LifeLock dot com to get a special 10% discount. LifeLock.com. It's great how Adam sacrificed his lungs and chain smokes just so he can maintain that gravely voice. Yeah. It's just like It's magical because a lot of people think that's Dawson in another room. They don't see me just slide right into that gravelly announcer voice. Unbelievable. I meant Dawson. What did I say? Oh, you said Adam. I said Adam. Yeah. Uh-huh. I listen. I went to the groundlings. I just jumped right in behind you. You did. You didn't deny. I did not deny. Yes. And Not only that, but I wish someone that should be your next series. It's called First Year at the Groundlings. And Yeah. They go lights down, and somebody starts a physical activity and they grab one knee and they're down futzing with somebody. And the one guy enters from offstage and he says, how's that fire going? And the other guy goes, fire. I'm changing a flat. And then Cynthia Seghetti yells from the back, stop. Yes. Enter again. He's starting a fire. Wow. You did it too. Yeah. Yeah. Did you go I went to Groundlings. Yeah. What was your Cynthia Seghetti. Wow. Was, one of my teachers, Mindy Sterling. Sure. Fine. An actress. She's one of my teachers. You guys will know her from Austin Powers. Austin Powers. She's, the the Mind woman in black. Yeah. Yeah. Scott. Yeah. She I Cynthia Segghetti was such a ball buster. My god. That was one of those things was right. Oh, she was right. Yeah. She she loved me, but that was probably a problem because I was, like, on her radar. And I remember once during a very you talk about your moments of luck. I'll just tell you about bottoming out. I had a girlfriend. She went to USC or she graduated USC. I was driving a pickup truck that I it didn't have window cranks on it, had used vice grips to open and close the windows. I just kinda kept them in the middle. There's no air conditioning with Pepsi. Had a eight ball shift knob on it. It was a Mazda long bed. Had, it was so funny. The guy took the guy bought it from took out the bench seats and put in dinette seats. And I was sitting in this dinette seats and this piece of s**t. I was taking this groundling class, but I didn't know theater. I didn't know why they'd yell up stage, backstage, stage, right, so you don't know what to do. I didn't know how to act. I couldn't do anything. And my and my girlfriend dumped me. And I I I had a horrible job. I was, you know, digging ditches for $8 an hour. I was I I I just bottomed out, and I I called my girlfriend, like, during the break on on the pay phone, you know, on Melrose. Yeah. And she's just like, look. Don't call anymore. It's just not worth it. It's not the answer is no. It's not happening now. Hang up. And I I hung up the phone, and I said we're on break. I said to Cynthia Seghetti, I said, I can't go back in there. I I can't be funny. I can't go on stage. I'm I'm a mess. I have kittens in my stomach. You know, remember that thing when you're 24 and you're crushed? Oh. Just crushed. Do. Yeah. She's sleeping with some other dude. Yeah. It was like, oh, the pain and the angst. Oh. Just imagine. You we were just picturing that. Right? You were just picturing that. Oh my god. That no one knows what it's quite like to be that sort of male who's and especially, you're I don't know. 24. I got a $9 an hour gig. I got three roommates and no insurance. I've there I got nothing. I got no game. I have nothing going on. And, you know, once in a while, like, I'll talk to my wife and she'll go, yeah. Well, when I was 24, I just I didn't make it. I go, yeah. But you were hot. Yeah. Yeah. You had that going for you. That's a Trump car. Yes. You can't throw that. You could f**k you think I could f**k producers? No. So I was, like, I was I just bought them out. And I said to Cynthia, I said, listen. When we go back, like, I'm just gonna kinda excuse myself, and I'll say I don't feel well or something. And and and just if you could just let me slide out of the theater so I could just go weep in my truck, that would be awesome because I I really I can't even speak now. I can't form a sentence. So we, like, got back to the theater and we sat there and was like, alright. Now we're gonna do a Herald. And I said, I'm gonna excuse myself. I'm not feeling quite right, Cynthia. I'll I'll see you on Wednesday's cla*s. And she said, well, I don't know if you guys heard, but, mister Carolla just got dumped by his girlfriend, and he's not feeling particularly funny right now. Wow. And I mean, she just lit me up like a Roman candle and basically said, but his a*s will be getting out on stage with all of us while we do our next improvised exercise. And I was like, wow. She connected with a jab. Oh, and followed up with a straight right. Wow. Yeah. So how far through the groundlings did you go? I went, about a year and a half or so. So you went I was starting Beginning. Yeah. Beginning. Then intermediate. Intermediate. And Writers Lab. Yeah. And, no. I didn't make it as far as the writer's. So you made I got a job an intermediary. I got a job doing a sitcom, so I I went and did that instead. So you got a real job. I got a real job. The thing that was always incredible to me is how years later, I went back to host a night at the Groundlings when it was on TV. And even though I was only asked to bring to come back because I had a successful TV show, maybe love line or the man show or something like that, I still looked at the guys who made it in the ground and said, wow. You've arrived. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm taking the bus back to Van Nuys, and I'm like, yeah. But no. No. You don't get it. It was like, it's so weird how it get it it's like it knocked in a hay. School. Yeah. Yeah. So what what series did you get at that point? '88? It was a series called Raising Miranda for CBS. That sounds sort of familiar. I played, I I was, I was doing a a show in Hollywood, and I just basically mimicked the director of the show Mhmm. Fax Barr, who actually is a a friend of mine and, and a good writer. Mhmm. And he he had a speech pattern that was like this, and his his lips were pursed like this. So every time he said something, his he would have the syllable s Mhmm. And it would sound sort of interesting. And so when he was giving notes, I would be just staring at his lips and and mimicking his lips. Mhmm. It was the weirdest thing. I wouldn't hear a thing he was saying. Right. And so I had this audition, and I just went in. And I looked at the thing, and I just started talking like this. Mhmm. Is it okay if I get a an orange out of your refrigerator? You know? And it it just was odd, and it was kinda funny. And you stood out. Yeah. Can I sleep in your driveway? I don't think that's luck, Bryan Cranston. I think that's a choice. Sorry. It's a choice. It is. It's a choice. Can I, ask you this? So I I saw you on, I don't know, TMZ or whatever doing the whole thing at Comic Con with a kid. Oh, yeah. Restaurant. You did a mom and the mic drop, and I I laughed my a*s off because I just thought that was so cranson. But you never did answer the question. I think he wanna know if you had a place you like to go to in Albuquerque. I answered it. Oh, did you? See, you're a good actor. I you know, here's the thing. This was, Zach Levi. You know Zach? Yeah. I do know Zach Levi. He's a good guy. I love Zach Levi. He's a good guy. And he he does this for charity. And so he charges, like, $20 a piece, and they pack this place, and there's, like, 200 people nerd Yeah. Nerd HQ. Mhmm. You should totally do that to him. I love I love that dude. I did the Celebrity Grand Prix or something Toyota with him, and he he's a car guy. Fine. Dude, just a good dude. Yeah. So they're asking a lot of questions, and we're there to pimp a show. We have, a show coming out in October, an animated show called Supermansion, which is really funny, by the way. Now what's that coming out on, sir? Crackle. Mhmm. Don Crackle, Supermansion. It's and I play this, a guy, Titanium Rex, Mhmm. Who is, a superhero who is just a little bit past his prime. And he lives in the same house with a bunch of other superheroes who are a little off. They're not they're not mainstream. They're they're not as effective as they used to be and that kind of Yeah. I've seen a spot for it, but I'm trying to think where I saw the spot for it. But it I I know what you're saying, but anyway, super mentioned. So we're down there, with Seth Green and those guys from this, you know, robot chicken. Right. So we're we're doing that, and and there's a lot of questions about that and some questions about Breaking Bad, but we're trying to keep it on point. Mhmm. And, you know, it it's also being simulcast, and you're on a panel show, so you wanna be somewhat entertaining. And Yes. And this guy gets up, and he was he was cute. He was, you know, I'm from Albuquerque. And, just kinda because I'm from there, I thought maybe I'd like to find out. And I thought, well, okay. He's the only person who would be interested in this answer. Right. So whatever my answer is going to be, it's gonna be really quick Right. So that we can get back to the thing. So that was the only thing I was thinking of. Right. And then when he kept going said Emma's Tavern, no one would really know because you have to be in Albuquerque. And then he and then he by the way, you get to follow-up the one that people do where they don't know where they are. They go, is that off Haines? Yeah. And then you go, no. It's off Central It's catty corner to no. There's a coin op no. The coin op's on Haines. This is Central and Haines. No. There is well, there's Haines Road and then there's Haines Avenue. That's right. You're thinking of Haines Road, and then you realize you've embarked in this conversation. Deep. And you're there's 300 people in the room all f**king reading the back of their eyelids because they're texting because you went off down this rabbit hole. Right. So it's gotta be fast. And then he I don't know I don't know why I said it. I don't know what came over me, but he said, you know, was there any place you like to visit? Any place that you remember, because I'm from Albuquerque? He said, I got you. And I just said, well, I I visited your mom from time to time. And he just the, the crowd went crazy. It was it was a pop, and he burst out laughing. Great. Which is some some people told me, some friends said, well, you're getting kind of hit because you said that thing to that kid. And I said, really? Said, yeah. Some people thought it was kinda cruel. And I thought, I think it would have been cruel if I used an expletive or something, and I said, you know, and said it cruelly. But, anyway But by the way, this is sort of like Muhammad Ali punching you in the arm in the sense that, yeah, it stings a little bit, but you get to say that Muhammad Ali punched me in the arm. You know? Like, there are certain things in life that have a little sting to them, but they're sort of a badge of honor at a certain point. I think you know, he had a if the camera stayed on him, they would have seen that he was laughing and then cringing, thinking of Walter White banging his mother. For sure. That was just, you know, any anybody banging your mother is a cringeworthy moment. I, I don't know how much social media you do, but the folks that have to come out of the woodwork and do the by the way, you know, I was calling you a douchebag. Right? And you go Exactly. No. I was not formally aware. I was actually enjoying the sandwich, but Yeah. What? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. John from Dayton, Ohio called you. It's like You're like, shall I put my sandwich down and address it? And by the way, how important is this to you that John from Dayton that I'd be aware that John Dayton has called me a douchebag? Yeah. Well, you don't mind then? Or I will I would like to not be aware of it. That's what I would like to be. I'm not gonna tell you about Sally from, you know, Wisconsin then. She she really went off on you. Who are these people that feel it's their job to make you aware of every person or every person who has a blog or now since anyone can be a publisher or whatever who decided to call your performance subpar or say that the that's a piece of s**t or whatever the theory is. I'd love to hear it. Human beings love to give good or bad news. Uh-huh. So in other words, if someone really big died Mhmm. And I was the one to tell you and I see the shock value in it Right. There's a power to that. Mhmm. And I think people I wanna see. I would stop short of saying enjoy it, but they feel empowered by having information that is going to affect someone else, good or bad. I I agree. I think it transcends the word enjoy. It's it's a it's it's people who do this, and and I it drives me nuts, but people will do this thing where they'll go like, hey. Listen. When we're done here, we need to talk. And your mind starts racing. Like, what the f**k did I do? What how did I piss them off? Or what do they know? Or they've been going through my phone or whatever it is. And then you talk to them, and they're like, I was thinking of going with either vertical blinds or curtains, but I'm not sure. What's your opinion? And you go, why did you sky why did you couch it that way? Why do you I mean, I had kittens in my stomach for the last two hours because we had to talk. And I realized, oh, you know what they're doing? They are taking control of you for this moment. I don't know if this happens to you. It's happened to me, and tell me if this and I've I've I've sort of researched this a little. The guy at the event, usually the business guy, and he's at the event, and you're at the event, and he comes up to you and he goes, hey. I'm a I'm a big fan. And you go, good. How how you doing? And he goes, you don't remember me, do you? Yeah. And you go, no. You you look familiar. I look familiar? Yeah. Well, yeah, I mean, I yeah. I've I've I'm I'm I'm I'm sure I met you, but I just I the name isn't coming. You do you remember my name? Well, I know it's I mean, I meet a lot of people, so you don't remember my name? And you're like, for that one moment Yeah. For that little snapshot in time, big star, the man who carried Argo, Bryan Cranston, the one that won the the best picture out of all the pictures. Bryan Cranston is on his heels. Yeah. Yeah. And that guy's in charge. That guy's in charge of the dialogue. Yeah. He's in charge of the cadence. Yeah. He's in charge of you emotionally for this one moment. Yeah. There he is. As you, not Bryan Cranston, the celebrity, but Bryan Cranston, the human being. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's the point. Scared child from Chatsworth. He's a bit of a puppet master at that moment. On his heels for a minute going, oh, f**k. Oh, s**t. Oh, f**k. Yeah. And and then you at some point, you come back to your senses and go, look. f**k you. I don't know who you are. I don't give a s**t. But for that one moment You try to be nice and you try to be real and honest and say, yeah. I kind of recognize it, but you don't know. But the there's also it's an emotional, I am in charge of control of it. Yeah. Exchange for this Yeah. Moment. Now you'll have all the other moments. Yeah. You'll have all the red carpets and the Emmys and the Oscars and all the other s**t. But for this one little I've got this. This one moment, I I You know what else you know what else I hate? When you're on the phone and someone says, okay. I'm gonna let you go. It's like, you're gonna let me go. Yeah. I'm gonna let you go. I'm saying that this phone call is over, and I'm letting you go. I love it. I have this app that I gotta get going because I got it from sitting next to doctor Drew too many times, which is his wife is thick as a brick. And when he talks to her you you know that thing where you're sitting next to the person who's clearly trying to get off the phone, but the other person's not having anything to do with it? I always said, about the fifth time the guy says, will do. Alright. We'll we'll we'll do then. About the fifth time you hear will do the phone, there should be an app where the phone just hangs up. Hangs up. It goes to static and hangs up because I'll hear Drew just going, okay. Well, then I'll that's right. Okay. We're back Monday. Then I'll see you then. Alright. Will do. Okay. Will do. Okay. Okay. Yeah. That will do. Alright. Will do. Will do. And then there's there's a weird reboot. There's a weird reboot. Right? It's funny because you can go like, okay. Well, then I'll see you then. Alright. Will do. No. I don't know where Amy's retainer is. Now he's been rebooted? Yeah. Well, no. I gotta go back to the will do this again. I've been at the no. I wasn't at the well, no. I that's the den, not the oh, well, it's a difference between the family room and the den. Now he's back in. Then you'll see him slide back into okay then. Well, then we'll okay. Will do then. Will do. I've literally I've literally grabbed the phone from him and yelled at one of his patients. I did. It was an old woman, and we're in the back of a town car, and he was saying, you you you no. You and then you have to go into the hospital then. If that those are your symptoms, you need to go well well, no. I wouldn't say it if I didn't I understand, but I would not tell you. And no. No. It is my professional No. You can't ride it out at home. You have to go in. If you're experiencing these palpitations, you have well, no. It's only in a hospital. Can they and I like, it was, like, twenty minutes, and I f**king grabbed the phone. I said, go to the hospital. And I threw the phone back. It drew because I couldn't f**king take it anymore. No. Everyone is so thick. Alright. Hold your, jets. I'll ask you one more question, and then we'll go look at some cool Newman cars. I'll be fast about it. Yes. Busy man. ZipRecruiter, man. Business owners. Summer's a great time to hire. Competitors. They're all soft. They're all drinking them, coconut based drinks with the rum. Got a little of the, Heisenberg, vodka dumped in there. Mhmm. The blue ice. That's right. Look out for the blue ice, man. Alright. Let's see. One more question for, Krantz, and I got this, from the social media. Gary, do you have a question that you like that you you've gathered these questions up. Do you have one that you think the people would like the great, Brian Cransome? To answer for the people. I there were a lot on there that are really great, but I guess the one I'll pick is it's been, it's been a good six or seven years now since you have not been in the running for an Emmy. Of the, of the candidates that are up for the Emmys, and if you don't know him, I think Adam may have him on the sheet there, do you have a favorite? Is there someone you you would like to see win or you think is a front runner? Oh, that's all that's always a tough question because if you leave someone out or you show favoritism, Yeah. I get it. But you can say, you know Hey. I like Jon Hamm's work. I really do. I think he's he's, he's done a a really wonderful, steady job on a very difficult role on a great show for a long time. And if my money was up if I was if DraftKings said, we're doing an Emmy Mhmm. Thing, can I can I bet on that? Mhmm. I would throw my money onto onto him. I just read a tweet from Trudy from Cherry Hill, New Jersey calling you a douchebag for not backing Bob Odenkirk. Oh, son of a b***h. Sorry. But for the Internet, really Bob Odenkirk is my tenant. Really comes really? Yeah. I I own a a place in in Albuquerque where I I live, and he he rents my he's he's doing a fantastic job with a Better Call Saul. Alright. Wait. Who's someone else going? You got one? Can I ask one last one? Yes. I didn't want him. I I felt bad putting you on the spot there. Okay. What is there an episode that stands out as the most fun to shoot in the Breaking Bad series? Most fun to shoot. You know, it's funny you mentioned that because I hearken back to this guy Mhmm. When he would do in the dance show Dancing with the Stars. And they say to you, hey. Go out and have fun. Have some fun. I f**king wanna kill everyone else. Have some fun. Having fun out there. Have fun. Go and have fun. And you're, like, so super focused, and you're like, man, I got a job to do right now. And I'm this is I'm out of my element. Right. You know? And I get it. I get that. It's fun to hear that. So there's your answer. Fun to shoot would have to be something that was actually, Well, favorite or important. Well, see, that's different from fun. Well, Gary's an a*****e for saying fun because everyone You know, we gave him two shots at a question, and he just Pretty fair. I was just giving somebody else's question. Well, no. What what Brian is I agree. I understand what he said. Saying is is when I did dance with the stars and I was talking to whoever, Chicks, she was a mess, she was a bundle of nerves, and everyone just comes up and goes, have fun out there. And it's like and it never but anyone shouting at you have fun never works. It's like it's right up there with find me attractive. It's like it's literally impossible and it's getting worse. I said, you're not gonna have fun. You're gonna have an experience. Yeah. And that transcends fun f**king experience of enjoyment. You are. That's That you will never forget. And I'll bet she relaxed somewhat. She Once you accept, you go, finally, some someone telling me the truth. Mhmm. And it's like, okay. So fun. I I'm supposed to have fun. I'm supposed to have fun, and I'm a nervous wreck. No. Let that go. And just accept that and embrace the unknown. Whatever this experience is gonna be, I'm gonna be in it, and I'm gonna remember this. What do you recall as one of your biggest or most powerful experiences as it pertains to Breaking Bad? I think, you know, the doing the fly episode was was really interesting because it was like a two character play. Mhmm. And that was that was fun. I I enjoyed the, when we robbed the train of methylamine. Mhmm. That was amazing because this train is a train. And then once it moves, you can't remove it. You know? It takes an hour and a half to reset the train Right. To do take two. So there was a a certain amount of nervous energy like, okay. Everybody really know what you're doing? Double, triple check everything because if we don't do this right, we have to wait an hour and a half to try it again. Right. So there was some kinda nervous energy to that. That was fun. Yeah. Like, no no takeies. No retakes. No retakes. Right. I drove, I I crashed the the Aztec once. That was kinda fun. Yeah. It's such a beautiful p machinery. Boy, that was someone just fell asleep when they were designing that. I was like you done with that? Yeah. You done with the Pontiac Aztec? Yeah. Yeah. It's here. It's ready. It's done. I Take it. I said to somebody the other day that now when the you were the laughing stock back in the day if you had a gremlin or a pacer or something like that. I predict that the Pontiac Aztec is going to be the hipster ironic mobile when my children are in high school. So about eight, ten years from now, it will ironically be the cool hipster car. Yeah. They do it happens with fashion. Oh, well, it's like now. If you're driving around an AMC Pacer, you're Look at that car. Yeah. You're you're hipily ironic. Yeah. Alright. Bryan Cranston, the, show. It's so funny because I'm even scared to call thick thick. It's on Amazon. Is it a show? Is it It's a show. It's a it's a pilot. Yeah. Pilot. You can download the pilot for free. Do it today. Do it today. Amazon Video. You can, shoot Brian a tweet at, Brian with a y, Cranston. And, what else? It's called sneaky Pete. Sneaky Pete is what you wanna do, and Cranston may or may not be in there. Why don't you go check out the pilot and tell me and tell him and tell Amazon just how much you enjoy. Brian, always a g d pleasure to sit with you Thanks, bud. My friend. I really appreciate you carving out some time for us. And, us, I'm doing live shows, all over the place. I also, Amazon, Lord of the Jungle, you got that. Road Hard, that's available on iTunes. Cranson gives it, his seal of approval. Yeah. With his wife, he watched it. I give it a big hard on. Good. Yeah. I should get you the hammer. I don't know if I ever got you that one. Never I never got the hammer. But I shall give you the hammer. Go get a copy of the, hammer for mister Cranston. And until next time, it's Adam Carolla for Bryan Cranston saying, mahalo. Alright. That's Adam Krolshow sixteen thirty six with Adam and Bryan Cranston. Hope you guys enjoyed that clip. Until next weekend, well, and get it on. Check engine light on? Take the guesswork out of your check engine light with O'Reilly Variscan. It's free and provides a report with solutions based on over 650,000,000 vehicle scans verified by ASE certified master technicians. And if you need help, we can recommend a shop for you. Ask for O'Reilly BaraScan today. O'Reilly. O'Reilly. Auto Parts.