Transcript
So are we supposed to start the podcast? Three. Just full of it. Why do you look up at the ceiling? Well, because I'm looking at my hands. Oh, you know, to unite them, unite them, make sure I'm seeing it correctly. Yes, I hand coordination you, which you crush. I'm horrible at. I hate coordination. Well, I mean, you just can't be so talented that it would overwhelm the world. That's right. It has to have some flaws. Well, I mean, here's the deal. I'm just going to go and welcome everybody. I've had it. I'm Jennifer. I'm Angie. She is the star of our show. We recently were on the Today Show. I know I still can't believe it. Listener and I would argue that perhaps was the star of the Today Show. Oh, please bet. I think a lot of our listeners will agree with me. I don't. Everybody should know right off the bat that there's a reason that Holden Janelle are the Today Show hosts. I think you gave them a big run for their money. I do. I appreciate your humility. I appreciate it. You're driving me crazy with that. I'm serious. I am, too. Whatever. No, I mean, they were just immediately you felt comfortable, chatty. So sweet as darling as you would want them to be. You know how some people you meet and you think, Oh, what a*****es? Not them? They are. They were awesome. They were 10 out of 10 incredible experience. So surreal. So fun, perhaps. And I couldn't believe it. Cannot believe it. Shout out to Sean, our sweet, sweet helper, the producer there. He was amazing. He was amazing. We had so much fun. It really was so fun. It was so fun. So a lot of stuff, fun stuff happened. So we fly to New York pumps in me. And then the very next morning we get up and we have our hair and makeup done right. Our publicist comes to our hotel room mirror. Yeah, and we have a car that's going to drive us to the Today show. Right? You know, because we need a car because we can't schlep in 100 degree heat, right? Get our makeup ruined, et cetera. So there is this Instagram account called Yolanda Pfister, OK? And Yolanda Pfister is like a parody satire account. And Yolanda Foster tweeted a picture of us that mirror our publicist took of us when we were in the car right on the way, and she tweeted it like taking my girls to the Today show or whatever. Well, Yolanda finds this image, and then she pops up a tweet and it says. I'm an Uber driver, and I was telling my passengers about how much I can't afford to feed my five children. These women then tipped me $2500 each for their journey, which will buy my family groceries for an entire week. I'm so grateful to these kind souls. Then in response, she responds to her own tweet and says People are saying they have a podcast called I've Had It, so I have left a five star review on the podcast with my thank you note. Thank you, fellow tweeps for helping me find them. So I see this. I instantly know satire and I screenshot it listener and I send it to Kylie and pumps, which pumps immediately response. That's not true, but I was like, Did I have a stroke? I mean, what happened? Pumps wasn't the only person that fell prey to this. I want to read to you all. Some of the responses that Yolanda Pfister got on this tweet because they are absolute gold. So somebody responds to this, you know, generous photo of us tipping $5000, which didn't happen, listener, in case you haven't caught on yet. So somebody tweets Yolanda and says, Where do you live? Where a week's worth of groceries cost $5000. I think it's a good question. I live in one of the most expensive countries in Europe, and that math makes no sense. Yolanda responds, I live in the U.S. and my children get a rotisserie chicken, each for dinner because I'm a loving parent. I'm sorry. You can't relate. That's funny. So she's just trolling. I'm back, right? Somebody else? Where do you shop? Yolanda responds, I shop at Whole Foods because I am anti-gmo. My kids are picky eaters, so I have to throw away 60 percent of what I buy. I keep a variety in stock because I love them. I mean, she's doubling down. Somebody is like, That's Jennifer Welch. And perhaps she's like, Do you know them? I would love to give them a thank you for their kind gesture. A lot of her followers know, but some people don't. Somebody like this is not adding up. That's a thousand dollars a week for each. No one should be eating that much food. It can't be healthy, she says. Wow, my family's eating habits are none of your concern. We are big bound by genetics, and we can't help that. So it's just this f**king beautiful, systemic, seamless troll that this younger sister account is just completely. Somebody says $2500 a week for groceries. What are you feeding your children? Caviar? She says. She says not all the time. I only use caviar in their school lunches for dinner. They like to have a rotisserie chicken each. OK, so if this isn't beautiful enough, it goes viral on gay Twitter. It gets like a million views. A lot of people know and can immediately size up. Yolanda Foster Yeah, and they did the math immediately. That $5000 a week was insane and they instantly crack the case. This was satire. Well, listener, there's this little blogger in Oklahoma City, and I would probably call him a hobby blogger, so he decides that he's going to write a hit piece on passing me on the foothills of our Today Show appearance, right? And apparently, he doesn't listen to the podcast because he would not. If he did, he would know we would welcome write such a piece, but his piece was so bad. So he hook, line and sinker buys into the Yolanda Foster tweet thinks that we and Mariah are publicists have colluded with this account to post it to promote our pod on Yelp for Yolanda Foster. Yes, I appreciate that he thinks that were that diabolical right and talented now runoff depressive to network the internet in those ways. But anyway, so I tweeting back and I'm like, Yolanda Foster is a satire account. So then Yolanda Foster is like, I hit the f**king goldmine because this person f**king bought into it. So then she screenshots, and she's like having the. I met her live, so she saw because I tagged her in. Oh, OK, so here's what he writes after the tweet that Yolanda Foster did the satirical tweet about us tipping a neighbor driver $5000 to feed her kids caviar and rotisserie chicken, right? This motherf**ker is so lazy. If you just were to click the tweet within reading the very first comment, you see that she's like talking about caviar and rotisserie chickens, right? Didn't even wrote this essay, but didn't even bother to like, click the tweet. So he writes, he does the tweet, and he's like, Yep, what a coincidence, huh? The same week, they're doing a big national publicity tour, or some single mom or uber driver named Yolanda Foster gives them a lift. They tip her $5000 and then tweet about it and it goes viral. Either I'm a cynical a*****e or that seems totally staged. And here's what I have to say to the little hobby blogger in Oklahoma City. You're neither. You're f**kin lazy idiot is what you are. I mean, Yolanda fester. I mean, I didn't read the name. I just read the comment, and I was like, That's not true. But I didn't have to type Yolanda Pfister. I think he hopped out, right? Like, once you type it, you know, fist typed it out, accuses us of like colluding with Yolanda Foster. This parody account to stage this bogus story, which had nothing to do with. And here's the deal. Like when I saw it on Twitter, I was like, That's f**king hilarious. I know that there's going to be a lot of dumb asses that walk into this. And then now he's taught a master class on how to be a dumb f**k on the internet because Yolanda Pfister then screenshots a story and then puts in quotes above it. Some single mom, Uber driver named Yo Logic, etc. So then I follow Yolanda Pfister on Instagram and I'm like, Hey, listen, I want to cover your tweet. It's f**king hilarious. Can you give me the demo on you? He responds, I'm a 26 year old gay man that lives in Scotland trolling the f**k out of the internet. Yolanda Pfister is f**king undefeated stars undefeated on the World Wide Web. I mean, it is so funny. I can't even take it. So anyway, I absolutely love Yolanda Foster, who we now know is a 26 year old gay man that lives in Scotland. Excellent work. So anyway, Kylie, did you see all that? I want Yolanda to know that I love them and I have for a long time. So you've been here. You've been following Yolanda for a while. So were you behind this collusion? Yeah, I'm Yolanda. I mean, it was so good, but so many people fell for that. But I think it's so hilarious that he puts that up. And there were people are like, Oh my god, I'm so glad to know pumps and Jenner this nice out nature. He's like, He's like, That's great. Can you help connect me with them? Anyway, Yolanda Pfister, aka the 26 year old Scottish gay man, we love you. Absolutely. Perhaps now that you have your SimpliSafe hooked up in your home, right? Do you feel safer? I actually do, and I didn't think I felt unsafe before, but I really do feel safer. Do you feel more secure? I do feel more secure. You know why? Because if an intruder breaks into your house, SimpliSafe professional monitoring agents can actually see. Speak to and deter them through the new smart alarm wireless indoor camera. Warning them that police are on their way and listener. We must protect pups at all costs. Here it. 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They remember to bring you your coffee every morning. Maybe they're cool if you're out on a date and you can say, Hey, could we swing by the dry cleaners and they don't get all butthurt? Wouldn't that be nice? Perhaps nice change. I think it's just nice to date an adult that's got their s**t figured out. I didn't know there were any out there. Well, I'll tell you all they all are. They are on match. If you know who you are and what you want in a relationship, guys, match is the place for you. Adults wanted. Download the Match app today. OK, moving along. This is just going to kind of be a free bullying episode, there's a little comment that I believe I screenshot on YouTube that I thought was so good. I'm going to read this. This is Kevin McDougall. And he says, and this is regarding our episode with Trixie Mattel, the drag queen. OK, this was an incredible episode. Two worlds colliding. Jennifer, and perhaps I want you to know that even though you live in a red state, your continued vocal support for drag artists, trans people and queer people, and your effective dismissal of stupendously ignorant and downright tomfoolery right wing talking points against our communities will positively impact so many youth in red states across your country. Youth who have abusive and unsupportive parents and guardians can look to you and find validation, hope and confidence in themselves to know that they're worth being alive. Thank you. Oh my gosh, I'm kind of tearing up. That's really sweet. It's incredibly sweet. And you know, we take a lot of s**t sometimes for taking such a firm stance on progressive issues. And I want to clarify again for the permanent record, for the permanent record. This is a moral issue for us, right? For a lot of you, this might be political and this might be low hanging fruit. But for us, it is a moral issue to support all people, particularly those who are marginalized by, you know, these cruel and hypocritical Bible thumping right wingers. I've had it had it. So speaking of the right wingers, I want to point out to them that we have had to drag queens on our show, right? Delta Work Love and Trixie Mattel love both of their appearances on iPad. It can only be compared to a Colombian cocaine bomb because if you escobar blow Escobar cocaine bomb when you have a drag queen on your show, these people are f**king they make it rain. I mean, our numbers when we have a drag queen on skyrocket, right? So I will argue for those of you that are like, Well, I'm fiscally conservative, but socially liberal. Your fiscal conservatism and supporting and not supporting drag queens is actually anti-capitalist because these b***hes make it rain. They do. They do, don't they, Kyles? They sure do. Yeah. So anyway, I just wanted to throw that out there because any opportunity I have to browbeat religious hypocrisy. I like to jump on it and write it all the way over the finish line. OK, could I tell one story of when you were talking about the car? I didn't know what you were going to say. So we get in the car. Kylie, appreciate this. We get in the car on the way to the Today show, from the hotel to the Today Show. Meredith, the publicist is in the front with the driver and Jennifer starts telling the driver how to get to the Today show. Hey, I'm like, He's got it. And she's like, Well, I don't know. I think we're going the wrong way. He's like, We're going in the back way. And I was just like, the sheriff has arrived in NYC. It's true that she's trying to boss him. I did. I'm so bossy. It is a character defect man. I mean it. I did. And then he pulled us up right there, right there, and there felt like a miserable, humiliated idiot. But I didn't. I didn't. I didn't. I just sociopathic. Lee got out of the car, thanked him, pretended like it never happened. Walked right into tip the Uber driver $5000 and then walked right into the show. Yes, it's got a credit card. Went big. Yeah, go big or go home. Yeah. So obviously I came back from Italy and then the very next morning we went to the Today show, right? And I have purposely not shared details about my Italian trip. OK, with you, OK? Because I wanted to save it to share with you. And our team and our one listener, we know who you are. Yolanda. Together. Okay, good, let's hear it, have some good updates. OK. First and foremost, I have to have some good news for America. What the Italians love American tourists are they do not like the French that hate them. I think American tourists in general are spending money there at tipping the Americans that go abroad that are brave enough to go to a quote unquote socialist country that doesn't wave an American flag seem to be a little bit more open minded. And they like America. Oh, good. That's good to hear. So secondly, so first we go to Sicily, right? And then from Sicily, we're going to fly to Naples to then get on a boat to go to Capri, which is my favorite. So after spending like five days in Sicily, we do cool s**t like I'm in a helicopter looking at a volcano. I saw that like an outdoorsy I mean, f**k all having nature. All the f**k over it, right? I ride a 8V boy mom out the wazoo. f**kin mother of the year. Weapon three on an ATV, right? Crushed it. Loved Sicily. It was awesome. So we go to this airport in this town called Catania, and we're supposed to fly from there to Naples. It's like a 30 45 minute flight, right? So they're like planes delayed an hour, delayed two hours. That was like four hours and it's delayed like eight hours. Finally, the flight just gets flat out, canceled. Some like f**k. So I go to the front desk of this hotel, so we thought we might stay the night in Catania. And I tell the guy I'm like, Hey, can you help me? I need to get to Villa San Giovanni and then like, take a train. And the guy is like, No, no, no, no. I'm like, What is this? No, Vila San Giovanni. And he's like, correcting me. I'm like, OK, can you help me get to Villa San Giovanni? And so ultimately. We get in a No. OK. And we're trying to get off this island. So as the Uber driver, I'm like, So how do we get like to the mainland of Italy? And he's like, We take a ferry. I thought that we would get out the Uber and like, hop on a boat, right? We get on this ferry that is like f**king gigantic in the car. The car drives onto the ferry and there's like semi-trucks. There's buses, all sorts of people, and everybody just drives onto this ferry. Start immediately steps out. Everybody lights up a cig. So through the day, so we get out and then you go up this escalator. And I mean, we're talking 10 hours of travel misery. Get on this escalator. We go to the top. And we order Hot Dog. Sear on the top of this f**king ferry in a glitzy right up there in this awful, glitzy finally, make it. Nonetheless, the whole family was just, I mean, Josh Welch was just beside himself. I saw that. I mean, poor little thing. He just doesn't have any capacity not to be pampered. So we finally make it. Everything's great. So Wimbledon comes on, right? So we decide we go eat lunch or decide we're going to watch Wimbledon because we're huge tennis fans. One of the worst thing that's probably going to happen to me this entire calendar year is Brad Pitt showed up to Wimbledon. Josh Welch has now screenshotted his hair. Every photo of Brad Pitt. It's been added to the hair file. Oh God. He immediately googled the outfit, which he found out the shirt was sold out in all colors globally. Of course, he noticed that Brad was wearing some chains. So he did that. He didn't buy any chains, but he was thinking about it when we were there, right? And I would look over at him multiple times, and he had the photo of Brad Pitt out. And here's what's fascinating about Josh. When he sees Brad Pitt, he thinks they're contemporaries completely doesn't think like, that'll never be me. It doesn't even hit him that it's a false equivalency for him to compare himself to. That is the amazing part. The delusions of grandeur should be put in a petri dish and studied. I mean, really s**t like I've even asked him like, so when you pull out a 22 year old haircut and they're hot and you look in the mirror and you think I've got that, does it ever occur to you that maybe it's too young for you, that maybe that's a haircut for younger people? The answer was unequivocally unabashed and doesn't even take a breath. It never. I mean, I'd be like if I said I looked at Giselle's wearing, I should probably buy that too. Like what? Yeah. I mean, never thinking that you can't even compare the two. No. So he I mean, he just I every time I looked over and then of course, there were all these Brad Pitt memes, and then it was kind of like, you know, Brad. And he started styling his hair a little different, like, they have a similar haircut, but Brad's is a little bit more over to the side. And Josh literally one day got the photo out. I put it on the vanity. Yeah. That's just sad. I mean, so happy. It should be a happy thing that Brad Pitt went to Wimbledon, right? Brad didn't think about how this impacts when you're like me who live with complete delusions of grandeur, narcissistic maniacs, Josh would be the only one. I mean, he's got it bad. Yeah, I've never met anyone with it. Bat worse than him. No, it's really bad. As he would say, when I say this stuff to him, he just looks at me. He goes, I had early childhood trauma, Jennifer. Yeah. Well, it's time to get up. You're not Brad Pitt. You're never going to be. I like to think that somewhere. Brad Pitt has a screenshot of Josh Welch in a folder in his phone. You're making it worse. Kylie, shut up. You have to edit that out because he will listen to this and be like. I mean, he that's what he thinks. No, he does. Yeah, it's bad. No, he does. He thinks they're contemporaries. OK. And finally, before we move on to our voice memos, something rather alarming happened. I if it's what I think it is. It was nothing short of alarming. So Josh gets this idea because in Italy, people wear whatever they want. Nobody gives a f**k this. Yeah. So he decides that he and my nephew, Joey, who's very attractive. Joey, is the hottest person I've ever seen in real life like guy wise. Right? And it was breathtaking for him. I mean, so he decides that he decides that they need to buy speedos. See, I was surprised. I wouldn't at all surprised Joey would do. I mean that Joshua do it. I was surprised Joey would do it. Well, I mean, this is what you talk about, just a domino effect of bad decisions and peer pressure. You know, so Josh is like, Hey, let's go buy speedos. So we're on our way down to this beach club called Montelena, and there's this swimsuit shop and we go in, they try him on. I'm like, Oh, they're they're doing this. So. They get their speedos on, we get on a boat the next day and they decide that's going to be the speedo day. We're going to this island called Ischia, so they have on their little speedo. Of course, the boat driver thinks nothing of it. He's Italians. Not weird to him, right? So. We do a photoshoot, right? Well, Joey's wife, Madison, is an expert in like iPhone Photoshopping, right? So she has to photoshop the photo and what she does is she can go to like the package and she put a circle, OK, like their turtle at large before everything. And I want to do. So I, of course, have all these pictures I've taken of them dancing in their speedos, posing in their speedos. And then Joey decides, he goes, Hey, before anything's posted, you need to talk to me and I'm like, I don't have enough. I don't have an approval process. My firm, my phone, for my iPhone, for my social media. You're f**ked. Like, you're totally f**ked. So I put up a couple. They're both so but hurt with the whimpering and whining I did take, I never did, but they're on my story. But I did take them down. But these two morons, why don't you enlarge the package before you posted it? I wanted Madison to. They knew not to ask me such, but I'm just saying they were requesting a package enlargement. Yes. So you see, perhaps the ocean was quite cold record heat, Natalie. But it was freezing. Ocean was a little chilly. Yeah, I was just like the very first thought I had after I was able to recoup a little bit. I was like my first thought was. Does Joey know this, that she put this on the internet, I knew Josh would think it, probably he probably looked like second. Michael Phelps, you know, he just thinks he Brad Pitt. You know, Brad Pitt, right? But I was just like, Oh my god, I wonder if Joey knows she posted this and I thought, Well, of course he knows. I mean, I was I very rarely just f**king mind blown. But when that story opened up, I didn't even know what to say. Let me tell you something. I think I have really matured emotionally and psychologically because I wasn't shocked at all five years ago. I would have been shocked, so shocked. But I have grown so much on my mental health journey that I have manifested such great rocks where your expectations are so low that too that too. But no, I wasn't shocked. It looks like a great trip. It was a great trip. And here's the deal. Like I when you're in Italy and everybody just kind of wears what they want in as how they right, nobody cares. I was just like, Why do I care? They wonder where speed as if I can wear speedos? Oh, that's funny. Yeah, ad for the speedo was pretty great. It's good stuff. I didn't see pumps, maybe more than one time while you were on your trip. Maybe one word, one phone call. Yeah, she comes in the office. She trots upstairs. She sits down, lays back in a chair and she goes, Did you see that photo? It was like she'd just gone to war, but I was just like, Oh, I mean, it really did. Kind of. I was. It took my breath away a little bit. I was just like, Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh, did they know? Do they know it's on the internet is what my first thought was. They did. Yeah. Well, I mean, they here's the deal. You're not going to see me running around topless for a reason. It would not look pretty OK. And make sure I have to interject. I have to interject, because that's 1000 percent false. Listener, one time we were in Mexico on a girls trip and we were at dinner, and we may or may not have been a little stoned on marijuana. We were also outside. We were outside at a restaurant, possibly stoned on marijuana can neither confirm nor deny that. And they came around with a cool, refreshing toilet. It was refreshing. So they hand everybody the table. A cool, refreshing toilet pops proceeds to. She wipes her face down. She wipes her neck. She does one pitch does the other pet. Then she just pulled on the top of her dress, plops the sagen dragons right on the table and just does an inner tit scrub under it under right there. The waiter's waiting for her to pass the towel back. So this moral high ground of her? I'm saying like, I would not put a picture of my boobs topless on the internet because it doesn't look good. I'm not scared to, like, swap them out when it's down the floor, put it out. I mean, no half the people on the planet in Oklahoma City have seen my hanger Typekit. I mean, it's like parties getting boring. I'm like, Oh, I got a trick. I'm not defending Josh. Okay, it was alarming. It's India, but it was. It was equally, I'm just saying in both fronts, but mine was not. Josh Josh for the United States. Josh wearing a speedo, which Europeans do very popular in the gay community right now. Apparently popular in the metrosexual community and you going full blown. Hooker Bath Teddy Scrub at a table, the hooker bath teddy scrub was more alarming to me. It was alarming, but I stand committed to the titty hooker bath scrubbing. But that was in Mexican private villa. This is five people on a boat. I bet the internet. That's why I'm saying it's on the internet. Everyone on planet Earth. It's for the permanent record, ever. What if I were to screenshot it? I would have it forever. I hate when mom and dad fight. I think it's enough about my trip. We need to hear from our listener. That's right. Let's hear it. All right up first, we've got Reese and Sebastian. Hey, Jen. Or as we like to call you, the pickleball princess pumps our favorite big titty honorary lesbian and Kylie. Oh, it's Reese and Sebastian, and oh boy, have we f**king had it? We have f**king had it with this g*****n Florida heat. You know, it's bad enough we have to deal with this. Ron DeSantis Don't say gay bulls**t. We have been forced to buy handheld fans and walk around in public looking like f**king idiots who look like an old 1960s Chevy engine overheating. Every time I step outside, I feel like I'm a menopausal. Women with these f**king hot flashes literally feels like saying is blowing my back out from the depths of hell. Anyway, welcome to Florida, by the way. We love you guys so much, your guys. This podcast is better than therapy, and God knows we both f**king need that. I right? They're about the cutest thing ever, ever. Recent Sebastian How cuter than Reese and Sebastian were so enthusiastic. So despite living in Florida similar to living Oklahoma, it's trench warfare. It is, I mean, all of you liberals that live in places like Massachusetts or New York, right? Or California or Toronto, it's just easy. Toronto's not in the United States now, I know, but it's liberal. It's a liberal city. I think the country is going to get some wackos. But nonetheless, you liberals that live in these places, it's like it's so quick to like judge a state. Just go, Oh, people from Florida crazy or, oh, people from Oklahoma are crazy. And there are the large majority of the people in our state are large. Majority in Florida are but those of us that aren't. It's like a f**kin trench warfare. We're in the trenches, f**kin taking grenades daily, right? I mean, we have to fight. You have to work hard. I mean, around all the stupidity and f**kery the f**ker in Florida. I mean, I'm not saying. Long haul, like it's always been worse than Oklahoma, but right now it's worse than Oklahoma, I think. Oh, I think that DeSantis is such a fascist. Totally. And it's like, what is what is he offer? He's like anti economy because he's like picking a fight with their biggest employer, Disney, right? Who the f**k picks a fight with Disney? What a dumb a*s idiot. And then anti-gay. That's anti-gay. Anti-everything anti bucks. That's anti economy. It's just a f**kin gross Bible Typekit. You know what's gross about him? What has you? Well, and his wife, have you seen her little club called momma's for DeSantis? You have the work. She's like, Mom is for DeSantis. And it's like they act like they're such advocates for children. But, you know, advocate for f**king gay kids. Now you don't. You don't advocate for trans kids, black and brown dads, kids, black, brown. They're not advocating for you. That's it's just it's so performative and it's such a f**king grift to the Bible. Thumpers have had it. I heard she's worse than him on this podcast that I listen to, but I don't know if that's right. You know what? I hope I never know. Yeah, they're awful. I can't. But I will say I've thoroughly enjoyed his face plant of the presidential campaign. Now it has been fun. It really has. Perhaps, you know what? I've had it with what giant pill vitamins the worst. They always make you to have the weird taste in your mouth afterwards, and it's like so uncomfortable as it like goes down your throat in your upper chest. Like you can feel it. It's like you can feel it moving down there and it's so unnatural. I find myself having to take ten different pills to get everything I want, and it's like taking these giant horse pills and I'm choking on them. It's miserable. The experience is not enjoyable at all. But thankfully, I found a better way with healthy cell and they make these gel vitamins, not pills. They're gels. They actually taste good and make me want to take them every day. Specifically, I used the Joint Health and Mobility Gel, which, as we know as an athlete, joint health and mobility is something that you're seeking constantly. 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That's why we have the most pet friendly rental listings on the internet. And with instant alerts, you'll know the moment your perfect pet friendly place becomes available. So when you need a place that's pet friendly and human tolerant checkout apartments dot com the place to find your pet friendly place. All right, Kayla, who's next? Up next, we've got Trey Trey. Well, I've had it with today, is Jennifer making me feel stupid. I am just a little b***hy, prissy gay boy from Monroe, Georgia, and based on the demographic of people I grew up around, I felt pretty f**king smart. And then I tap into the I've had a podcast and I've got Jennifer in her f**king beauty shoes. Fabulous, by the way, using some huge vocabulary and such an articulate way that I'm over here going, What the f**k am I done with my life? I feel like if I have eliminated some of the yall in my vocabulary, I'm a superior human being out here. I've had it. I've had it with the fact that I love you. Oh, pops, I love your laugh. But I've had it, girl, be a lesbian. We're out here waiting on you. We've got your f**king LGBT welcome pack getting on stand by. Come through with it. I've had it with how much I love. I've had it. Stella wonderful tray tray was spot on with me. Humility is not. It's not my strong suit. You know, he was so sweet, really sweet and darling thought, y'all, if you too, I do. There was a time in my life that I tried to get y'all out because I thought y'all made me sound down. But now I just it's part of who I am. So maybe I do sound dumb. Probably. I don't think you're done, but I know, y'all, I just used to try not to say it. But now I don't care. Yeah, I don't care about that. It's you. Plus all, y'all. It makes sense. I know, but it's pretty country. I think. I mean, express. Just how about my gay welcome packet, Kylie? I didn't know there was a welcome packet. Yeah, I've had it ready. It's in a drawer. The welcome packet. Welcome packet. Yeah, I love that. That's so cute. So cute. He was fresh. Totally. All right. Who's next, Kylie? Up next. We've got Alison. I'm from London, England, the UK, Great Britain, whatever. It doesn't make a difference to you, Americans. I am a bartender and I have had it with Americans who don't say, Please, what is it in your Kool-Aid, in your water, in your watered down alcohol that you don't know how to say, please, you go, Well, I'll have this. No, you won't. May I have this, please? I don't understand it. I've had it. I've had it. Also, I really love your podcast, and although I love my mom, I want you to to adopt me. Oh, that's so sweet. Now, I mean, I didn't realize I really had not noticed that Americans don't say, Please, we're big, please and thank you, people. Yeah, I do. I know what she's talking about. It's like Americans will say when they come to the table, I'll have a vodka soda. And that's just it. And they might say it is a smiling, friendly way. The British are a little bit more buttoned up, or it's like, May I please have? Yeah, I don't do that. I would do that at a bar like at it. If I was seated at the bar, I would always say, please. But you're right. Like, if I were ordering, it's just like. And she's right. Like, I think that we probably could be a little bit more mindful of that. And sometimes when I'm in short to promote, I don't say please, sometimes to Kylie, I'm like, Fix my hair and I like I'm, so I need to get better. I'm glad she brought that. I'm glad you brought that to my attention because there's something I kind of want to talk about with you and get Kylie involved in this. I think you flirt with Kieran ism. I don't. I don't think that's ever been disputed. I don't think that's I that's just a kind of. I've been meaning to talk to you about. I just kind of let it go in the episode, but you were just like, you know, when I'm at Wal-Mart, I get the manager to open up a new line. Yeah, just it's kind of stuck with me a little bit. Yeah. Now I'll double down on that. Carl, how do you feel about Father Karen? I've already said I can be a Karen Kiley. How do you feel about that? You are a full on Karen. Yeah, which was kind of a shock. It was a slow reveal. You know, through the podcast and just different context clues, it all added up. It's alarming. We were on a flight to New York. My job jet lag and are playing gets delayed and this woman comes on the plane to say, Hey. You know, they have to do a repair on the plane, everybody's been there. Everybody knows the airlines know how to handle everything. All of that wanting this woman to do is to shut the f**k up and leave the plane so that I could go back to listening to my podcast. I didn't want anybody to belabor this announcement. I wanted it to end. Much to my surprise. The person sitting in the seat right next to me also sits right next to me on this podcast studio. This woman is mid-sentence. The the airplane worker pumps hand goes up in the air as though she's in a f**king junior high school cla*s. She raises her hand and the woman has to look at her and to go just a minute because she's mid-sentence, because she said, if you have questions like, I do, have a question. So then the lady comes over and perhaps is like, Well, what if they end up canceling the flight? You're going to make sure you re because I didn't say that, she said, Are you going to put us on another plane? Because I knew if we didn't get on another plane, we'd have to go through different airports and we were supposed to be direct. That's what I want to know. Are we going to be there direct? I might mind you, you're sitting in the chair going, What if we don't make it to New York City? And I wasn't asking that the point about that, but you were saying that to me. But no, I thought that was a good question. Are you just going to put us on airplane? Are we going to have to be rebooked? I stand by it. I would double down. Can I just? All I'm saying is I think that there could be we need to start some care and prevention training and I've had I think it's to know there's time now. This is a slippery f**kin slope, man. Colin Managers at Walmart raising your hand on airplanes, get managers in restaurants. I mean, this is a slippery f**king slope. People love you. You're the star of the show. I'm trying to help you. This is a f**king intervention. Yeah, I just I think that's just I've always been that way. I do have to say I've traveled with you before, and it's kind of nice to have a Karen on your team, you know, like she gets us places. Yeah. Well, thank you, Kylie, for trying to be nice now. You know, I don't care. I can't even all on it. Is it permanent? Record promises that Karen pumps as a Karen? I don't know if I can. That would mean that I host a podcast with Karen. I'm not ready for that. I think I'm ready for perhaps flirting with Karen ism. I'm ready for that baby step that could go into the permanent record, perhaps as flirting with Karen ism. Kind of like a warning. It is. It's it's a warning. It's a warning. And then we can note in the permanent record about the situation with the hand on the airplane. I just I just I'm just trying to help. You're just such a helper. I am. I'm a helper. How about you bossing around the driver on the way to the Today show? When he's the driver to the Today Show, you're trying to tell him where to go? I tipped him $5000 so that he could pay and called him Yolanda and called him Yolanda so that he could put caviar in his kid's school. That's right, school lunches. Can you imagine a lunchbox with caviar in it? Oh, OK. OK, who's next? OK, next. We've got Maddie and Sara. Hey, Chan, Hey, poms. This is Natty and her sister Sarah, and let's hear what we've had it with. I f**king had it with tracking culture. One day someone woke up and decided that everybody needs to know each other's locations. And now if you turn off your location or entourage somebody, it's considered rude. It's literally ruining friendships like, sorry, if I don't want you to know that I'm sitting in there talking about your and midnight on a Tuesday, we f**king had it. Great point. That's a good point. The tracking generation has just gone overboard. Here's I have that life 360, right? With my kids, with my kids. So I always get on Life 360 and I like to know where they are. But other than them, there's nobody I really want to track ever. That's hurtful because Jennifer, you and I share location. We do, but I never get on that app. Do you look at her location every day? I get on, find my friends, and I just kind of look at all my friends like their sims and just see what they're up to. If you were on Live 360, I'd be all over your ass, but I don't get on the find my friend Dale, do you? My life is right. You're it through one of three places pickleball. Yeah, it's very unexciting. My house or the office. In the beginning, he used to track me, but again I was only going to the drive thru secure place, the kids school or my house. Yeah, when a whole lot of I think if you're younger, like if you're Kylie's age or younger, it could be a minefield because you might not know. I think it's horrible. Like if you and I tracked each other, it's boring Kylie tracking me. She just confessed, it's boring. I could track Kylie, but I don't get on that particular app. I use the other one. But if you're younger and you're trying to because there's a lot of white lying in your social circles about what you're doing and not wanting to write feelings and write like, Oh no, we're staying in tonight. Because maybe that person's yak mouth and you don't want to go out with them, then you hurt their feelings because they find you. Yeah, I think it's I think it's too much like I don't think everybody has to check everybody all the time. And she's right. They're both right. Like if Emily and her friends that age group, they'll get mad if somebody turns off their trash. Yeah, yeah. And it's just like, it's none of your f**king business where I'm going. Tracking culture. It's it's tricky. Yeah, it's nosy. s**t makes people internet smart. Everybody knows here. I'll tell you when tracking would have been great when I was married. Oh f**k yeah. We spent hours and hours and hours about a car we were. We would we would have never had to like bar our babysitters cars. Do you imagine if we would have had GPS trackers back then like our lives? I think they had them. We just weren't smart enough or technologically advanced to have them, but they weren't like part of the phone that everybody had. OK, Hayley, who's next? The last one is from Fatma. OK, Kylie, I am not lesbian or anything, but I think you have the sexiest voice ever. You should have your own podcast where you just talk about anything, and I will listen to whatever you say. Oh, please, you should read an audible. I should like you could read books on. Yes, you could do books on tape, although I don't think it's tape anymore. Yeah, audible, right? Yeah. Or it could be on a podcast or you can be on a podcast, don't get any ideas and go right. I was going solo. Don't go start the nightly show. The grass isn't greener, Kylie. How sweet that she's like the time to do that and then made the point that she's not a lesbian. She is now. Yeah, I mean, I love that. So sweet. So sweet. Well, listener, it's been a great little catch up episode has been. I'm excited. We have to say that Richard's out vacationing, but we have the best pinch hitter. Martin is filling in for Richard. So nice. Richard Price her. Perhaps I've missed you. I missed you too. I was so glad we got to get a New Yorker out when you got back. It was so fun. It was so fat. It was a surreal experience. Totally. In all honesty, listener, we still can't believe like perhaps drove me back from the airport, dropped me at my house and I looked over and I squeezed her and I was like, we were on the Today show. We still couldn't believe it. We couldn't believe it. It was awesome. It was awesome. Awesome, awesome. And we didn't test. I was so nervous. Were you nervous? I watched that on the edge of my seat like pins and needles sweating. We are professionals. You are. We can say that now your god damn f**king professionals, Kylie. I did see we had a Red Star review for the casting. Love the show, but I can't take the casting. What a pussy. Again, I wonder if it's my mother. Oh my god, we have such a big announcement. What is it about your great idea that you had? Oh my god. OK, so listen, listen up. Listen. This is going to be so fun. So, you know, everybody has a book club and I've had it with book clubs. I love Book Club, but we have a new club now. There's a new club in town and it's going to be with us here and I've had it right and you, the listener. And it's going to be a documentary club. I thought that was a brilliant idea when you said it. I'm f**king chock full of short ideas full of brilliant. It's just a f**king jet stream of great ideas over here. Nothing but Trey. The caller even pointed that out on the permanent right? Yeah. But anyway, perhaps and I recently watched our favorite one of the year is called shiny, happy people. And it's about the Duggars. So your assignment listener is to go to Amazon Prime Video and watch shiny, happy people. And it's then it's like Colon, the Duggars. The Duggars are this crazy a*s people that had like 19 19 kids, you know, which is total red flag. Yeah. Oh, but the red flags are just so intense. So what we're going to do is we're going to have documentary reviews, we're going to have some quotes from these documentaries, and we really like f**ked up documentaries that make us feel normal and functioning right. Adults don't spotlight our dysfunction. That's right. That's right. So and also recommendations of great documentaries that they've liked. And we have another announcement we have unleashed three new said it's right for the hot s**t to where we are coming to New York. Toronto, Chicago and Chicago. Yep, so September that makes the hot s**t to or because you know what we're doing, we're crossing, right? So now we're global indicate, yes, international terror international. We're on the international international terror Kylie ad that the International Internet Global Sensation International Hot s**t tour. That's right, we're coming for you, Toronto. And you better f**king come for us. All right, go ahead. Empty Canada. OK, so listen up. Send us a voice memo. Go to our link to buy tickets for the International Hot s**t tour. Please go to Apple. Give us a five star review. Additionally, I need some tips on bringing pumps back from Karen ism. I think it's too late. It's a slippery slope. That's not that you know what pumps. That's not that. That's not the attitude. I'm just saying you can't change who you are, even if you want to. Very much. Yes, you can. I kind of the carrot. I hate it for you. Thank you so much for tuning in listener, and we will see you next Tuesday or Thursday. There's. What I about watching. I've had it with that without the fans, there is none of this. Wednesday, August 9th I'm so honored to be here. America's biggest superfans meet their superstar idols and compete for a once in a lifetime prize. I would take them to my new records, all my soul. You can pick a song and we can sing it together on stage and the title of Ultimate Superfan, it is up to you, America. Super fan premieres Wednesday, August 9th on CBS and streaming on Paramount Plus super fan.
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