Transcript
This isn't your average business podcast, and he's not your average host. This is the James Altiger show on the choose yourself network. Today on the James Altiger show, One of the greatest lessons dad ever shared with me later in life, I asked him, I said, what's something you wish you would've known when you were my age? And he said, I I wish someone would've told me it's not your responsibility to help everybody. Everybody. Help as many as you can, but it's not your responsibility to help everybody. Why do you think that's the most important thing? Both of us have really, really big hearts. And when we cross paths with someone who needs help, our nervous system fires on all cylinders to just as help them. It seems to me in the past few years, you've gone from focusing more on performance to focusing more on relationships. And you I think you've kind of centered a lot of your coaching around the fact that it's our relationships in life that increase our performance. It does. So I've got Jarek Robbins in the house. Jarek, how's it going? Good, sir. How are you? Good. Now, Jarek, I remember we did, we did a podcast together, like, 2 years ago, and I screwed up. I didn't send you the recording of the podcast for your podcast. You came on mine, but I didn't end up going on yours. But this one's for mine, then we're gonna stick around. I'm gonna do another one for yours this time. We're in a studio, so we'll just throw this off. Got it. It's not gonna be lost in Miami. My failures can't happen. I've I've eradicated my possibility of failure, which is, actually relevant to the podcast because I want you to help me, eradicate other possibilities of failure. But, first, I wanna mention a couple of things. One is you wrote an excellent book, Live It, Achieving Achieving Success Through Finding Purpose. Yep. And I wanna ask you a little about that, actually, if you don't mind. Please. So I don't really believe in purpose. Like, I would say in the past 20 years, I've had 17 completely different careers. Mhmm. Not just jobs. Like, sometimes people say, oh, I've had 5 jobs in 5 years. I've had different careers ranging from entertainment to business to writing to consult. I completely have nothing to do with each other to investing. And I don't know if I really have any kind of, like, life purpose, that sort of sets me on fire. And, like, this is what I'm gonna do for the rest of my life, and this is the impact I'm gonna have on the world. I might have many different types of impact. So what is the relationship between success and purpose? And what what if there's no such thing as purpose? Sure. Like like like other animals don't have a purpose. Why should humans have a purpose? Yeah. What's wild, a lot of them do. Like and it's really weird. If you look at the ecosystem, every cell in our body has some type of purpose. Like, it does something. Like, the skin's there to keep us, you know, insulated and and and there the, to allow us to feel, to have sensory neurons and all this stuff. Alright. Fair enough. The you know, your liver is there to cleanse and organize and clean. Your heart's there to move the blood. Your lymph system's there to cleanse the blood. Like, it's really weird. It's all there. But but animals, like, you don't see a dolphin sitting around being like, I wonder what my purpose in life is. So we're we're kind of the first animal that that does sit around and ponder that or even comes up with a thought. When we ponder it, there is an anxiety about it. Mhmm. So how many times do you and I both get emails from people, that say, oh, I'm I'm 23 years old, and I haven't yet found my purpose in life. Well, I feel like a failure. Like like, that's so ridiculous to me, a, because they're 23, and I can't even remember the age of 23. And, b, the fact that they have, like, anxiety over it at that point. Like, you know, people even as young as 13 start to have anxiety over it. And I'll give you I'll give you an interesting thought. I've had an up swing recently of young men from India who are facing this situation. And when you say up swing, meaning, like, coaching clients, like, you're just to set it straight, you have a life coaching business. Yep. You deal with corporate everybody ranging from corporations to individuals. Yep. Of course, and we'll we'll we'll talk about this very briefly later on. The elephant in the room, Tony Robbins is your Yeah. Is your dad. So he, of course, was in is in the life coaching business, and we've learned a lot from him. So okay. You've had many young men come to you. And and so what's really interesting is they've been reaching out recently. They've all followed the same exact path that I've seen, the same correlation of what they've done. They've gone out. They they've decided to go a different path than what the culture says is a success route. And so, like, what? So, traditionally, if you're in India, you hear a lot of people be like, be a doctor. A lot of Indian doctors, like, there's a success route there. Like, you you work hard, you get great grades, you graduate, you become a doctor or a surgeon or a pediatrician or something in the field, and that allows you to have a great success in life. Now, what's interesting is these young kids say, listen, I'm still gonna make a lot of money because that's valued here. And what's interesting, and for me to go after this money, I'm gonna pick a different route, and I'm only 22 years old. Now, what's wild is if you understand how the culture works, it works different than a lot of the American cultures that we're used to. So what's interesting, I learned this just through I was working at stacking lumber up in Canada for 3 months, and I worked with a bunch of guys from Just for the hell of it? Like, you needed money, so you're gonna stack lumber in Canada? I actually didn't get paid. That that's unfair to say. I got paid in room, board, and When did you do this? When I was in college. Okay. It was my dad's idea. He said, listen, I'm trying to look at you and figure out where's the weak spots? You know, where are you not strong as as an individual right now, and how do we strengthen those? And he said one thing that I didn't really have at that time, was the understanding of what real, real, real hard work was like. And we say hard work like hard work, like your body aches and throbs after the end of the day. And he was like, I wanna give it's up to you. You don't have to do it, But he said, if you really wanna do this, I'll help set it up. Your step grandfather used to own some lumber yards up in Canada, and we'll put you in a manual labor position where you're just moving wood all day, and you're you're picking up boards and moving it around. So that's interesting. So he said he wanted to focus on building up one of your weaknesses instead of focusing on a strength. Like, what would you say well, let let let me ask you a question. I'm sorry to interrupt. I tend to be an interrupter. Yeah. Like, what's a weakness that I mean, we've known each other a few years. Sure. Maybe you don't have an idea of of any weaknesses I have. Yeah. What's a weakness I have that you think I should, you know, try to work my way through? Well, I'll I'll tell you how we find those. And and this is where the whole tying it all together comes in, which is the whole living with purpose aspect. If you think about this, my thought of living with purpose is when you're living in alignment with what you value, what you think is important. So I know recently, you sold everything because the stuff wasn't that important. Right. And you have, you know, your 15 things, and and now it's like, hey. I'm gonna live life according to what's important to me. Now what's interesting is when you ask most people, and if you're listening, just as you know, do this yourself, and and we'll do it right here. If I were to ask you, like, what's most important to you in life? I would say my relationships with other humans. Yeah. Like, let's say, a partner, you know, a life partner Yeah. And my relationships with my children. Yeah. And then just being an honest person who acts with integrity and then creativity. Yep. That's it. And then so what's interesting, great human being, honest with your partner and connected, integrity and with your children. Those are your are your top 4 that you would say. Right. And then, look, I guess along with that, you have to make be responsible and make money to support these things, but that's not on my on my list of top four things. That's not the highest. Right. And so it's value experiences over goods. Yep. So it's interesting. I do as well. I think that's why we're friends to an extent. Like, we both Sure. Are in that space. What's interesting, I was teaching an event on a cruise, and I invited my cousin and her recent husband. They had just gotten married. And he went through AA. He went through all this stuff, so he had, you know, some problems of reshaping himself and figuring out who he was. And so in that program, though, they trained him on a specific set of values, God, family. I forget what the third one is, but they they have, like, a certain values that they set you up with, and that's called success in that space. And what's interesting is so I asked people on the very first day of this cruise we were on, I said, listen. What's most important to you in life? Just write it down, and we'll revisit it in a few days as we travel through the world, volunteer, see different things, go on adventures. We'll revisit it and see what's going on. So I have him write it down. Now if you're listening right now and you and you wanna write down the top, let's say, 3 to 5 things that are most important to you in life, Just whatever comes to mind. And for him, when I asked it, he said, god, family, and I think health, he might have said. Isn't it interesting? Few days later, we said, okay. Now what we want you to do is pull out your calendar Your calendar, how you actually used the last 7 days of your life. And I want you to highlight which things were in accordance with those values. And what's wild is with him, when he pulled out his calendar, his whole giant day to day life was work, work, work, work, work, work, work. But maybe that suggests work was his most important value as opposed to, he wasn't aligning with his values. Exactly. And that's that's the miss. And so success with purpose, the purpose part is, are you really living true to what you value most? But I might not know like, I just told you a list of values. Maybe I don't really know. Maybe that's just what my brain thinks on my values. So so if you're 23 years old and you don't know what you value, just look around in life. What things do you get excited about? What things are you interested in? What things pull your attention? What things do you feel like, oh, I should be doing that, but I'm not. I don't know. What things just pull at you? And I remember there was a lady who wrote I'm trying to remember who it was. She wrote for oprah.com on vision boarding. And it was a really interesting article because she said instead of just taking out the traditional stack of cash, jet airplane, Ferrari, like big house, instead of all the normal stuff that people, like, splatter all over these boards, she goes, instead, comb through life and just stay very, very calm and look around. And as you observe, notice which things make your heart pick up a beat or 2 when you see it or hear it or look at it or feel it. Notice which things cause your physiological body to change in the moment, meaning you physically get excited just thinking about it. You you hold your breath and think, I wonder if that's even possible, like those things. She said, look for those, and that could be, I don't know, building a school for somewhere, that could be learning a new language, that could be anything that's just simple. For you? Making a difference for people. Right now, something that's caught my attention because of this upswing in young men who are reaching out saying, I don't know what I value. I don't know what my purpose is. And specifically, they're saying, listen. I thought I knew what would make me successful, so I'm going after it. And I went after it, and I gave it my best shot. And within 6 months, I failed miserably. And now I'm back home with my parents, and my mom and dad are telling me, you're an idiot. Why'd you do that? You're so dumb. Why didn't you do what we told you to do? And they're like, I'm stuck in this negative. I believe that this optimistic, amazing way of life is possible because I've seen your dad do it. I've seen other people do it. I've seen all this stuff. I've seen you do it. I really believe I can get there, but I I I don't know how to get out of this negativity. I don't know how to get out of this box that they're they're sticking me in and saying, you have to do it this way. There is no other way. Help. And what's interesting is you hear that, and I my thought is and this is what I do in coaching. On on the very first day, I I relate it to, like, a sport to Olympic coach. If you showed up to Olympic camp and said you wanna run the 400 meter dash, I'd say, okay. Let's go out to the track. Let me get a stopwatch. You're gonna run as fast as you possibly can, and I'm gonna time you. And we're gonna see how well you actually do. And if you're gold medal numbers, let's put you in Olympics. Let's go win the thing. If you're running it and taking 40 seconds to do a 40 meter dash I would be more like a minute and a half. We're a little slow. We're gonna need some new habits, And and and that's just simple. We're gonna need different eating habits. We're gonna need different training habits. We're gonna need different daily routines, like, really simple things done consistently that lead to that result. And is everyone humanly possible for that to get there? I don't know. I don't think so. I mean, not everyone's gonna win against Usain Bolt. Like, he's got some genetics on his side. At the same time, there's lots of people who can get that fast, and and so we can get you as close as humanly possible by training you in daily routines. So with these young guys, I go to them, and I just say, okay. I know you failed, and I know you feel stuck. Write down everything you're doing in your day to day life. And what's wild is when you comb through their actual tangible schedule, which is a great app for it, it's called ATracker Pro, and it allows you to literally track. You just switch activities and tell it what you're doing, and it tracks your whole day to day life minute by minute and gives you feedback in a little pie chart of how much time you're spending in each category. Tracker pro? Yeah. Really useful. It's like $4 or something. Super cool. I use it with all my clients just to track what they're actually doing with their life because they tell you one thing, and then when you look at what they actually did, it's not always the same. So they tell you, like, I just work all the time. I'm the best. I show up. I maximize all my moments. I do all this stuff. And you look, you're like, really? Why are you spending 35 minutes on the toilet every morning? Terrain. Yeah. You're like, okay. Think we could cut it down and use that time maybe in the sauna with a health benefit? That's a good point. It's just like you can adjust things. We found out on one client, and as silly as it sounds, he has 6 different companies. He was trying to maximize his the use of his time, and we were like, okay. He's like, literally, I have zero time left. I'm trying to stack double things on different time frames. How do I get this back? We went through the week. Here's what we found. Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, it took him approximately 15 minutes to get home, the drive home, his drive time. Thursday, it took him, like, 32 minutes to get home. And then on Friday, it took him 15 minutes. I said, okay. This is gonna sound ridiculous, but why the heck does it take you double the time on Thursday to get home? And he says, oh, because I leave at a different time. So why? He's like, because I wanna get home to be able to do x, y, and z with my kids. So I leave, you know, at a different time and and just more traffic and stuff like that. And I was like, this is gonna sound overly simplistic, but what if we rearrange your work schedule? So you leave home and do one of the meetings by Skype from home, and you get home in 15 minutes, now you have an extra 15 minutes of your life back. And for this person, 15 minutes mattered. Right. Like, it really mattered. That was the difference between being with his children or, like, they're to bed and he doesn't get to see them. So so it's like it's like anything with habits. Like, measuring is control is is, you know, how you get things done. Exactly. You have to measure to succeed. Exactly. So with you, if if you were to say, hey, coach me on how I can perform better, I would need to know what the last 7 days of your life look like. When did you wake up? What did you do? Where did you go? What what how did you invest the moments and hours? And then on top of that, where were your thoughts? If we could track what were the things you thought about most often, and that's hard because that's based on what you tell me, and I I I don't have a sensor yet that can tell me what you were actually thinking about. So a little subjective there. But but in that space, if I were to ask you, what were you thinking about? Going back to my cousin and her new husband on the ship, he came over and said, listen, I spend the majority of my time working. And I said, well, wait a minute. How old are you? And he says, you know, I'm 32 years old. I said, that's normal for this stage of life. Right. That's not abnormal to spend the majority of your week working every day. And I said, but here's the challenge. What are you thinking about 90% of the time when you're at home? What are you thinking about even when you're with your kid playing baseball? What are you thinking about even when you're at dinner? And he says, honestly, I wake up and the first thing through my head is, am I gonna close that deal today for our business? It's always coming through my mind. Even at dinner, I'm thinking about the paperwork. I'm thinking about that our client gets service right, that the that the truck deliver on time. He's like, my mind's constantly turning. I'm not able to let go of what's going on. So how can he how can he let go a little bit without sacrificing on the work front? Great question. So with that, here's what's interesting. I went and worked with the pair of rescue jumpers from the air force. These guys are surgeons who also are strong enough and badass enough to fight with, like, Navy SEALs and Army Rangers. So they get thrown in when someone someone gets hurt or goes down. They fight their way in, rescue you, drag you out while possibly doing surgery on you in motion Oh my god. Fight their way out to save your life. Like, the most amazing guys I've ever hung out with, and they threw me through 2 days of their training. So they they said, we want you to understand what we go through so that you can help us perform better. I think they were messing with me because they threw me in the pool and drown proofed me and showed me all this stuff. And I'm like, okay. I think y'all are playing with me because for me to tell you guys how to perform better, I mean, you're like, oh, that's like me going to Olympic gold medalist and being like, well, you can run faster if you tweak this one thing. Like, there's little things we could do for each person, but minor stuff, like cherry on top stuff. It's nothing that's gonna be a game changer for these guys. But what I did notice, where they could perform better, none of them were able to let go of the day when they went home. I said, oh, big, big, big red flag because we had dinner with a bunch of their families, and I I just joked around, you know, what's life like? And some of them were also in the air force, some of them were not. I just asked and listened and listened to the themes of conversation and how they acted and reacted. What I noticed was the consistent theme was they were always on mission. They were always at work, basically. I said, oh, what's your ritual to turn it off at the end of the day and walk away without having all those thoughts processing constantly in your head? And these guys are, you know, 20, 30, 40, 50 years old sometimes, and and they're doing great service for our country. They're doing amazing things. They're saving people's lives in the middle of crazy battle situations. Insane. And and for most people, it's hard to turn off work and you're like a stock trader or something. Or, you know, it's hard to turn off work and you're doing construction, but much less, you just saw someone blow up and stuff getting shot at all day, like, a little hard to turn off. And what's wild is we had to set up routines for them to say at the end of your day, when you're gonna transition from whatever you call work back to home, whatever you call home, that could be with your significant other, with your kids their home life suffering because they couldn't get off of work? It was. It was. And it was clear to see that when you started listening to how they tended to their spouses and what they talked about and how their spouses reacted, like, you could see little volcanic buildups in their relationships. And they were trying their best, and and and these are hardworking people, really hardworking people. And and they're deployed, you know, so many months out of the year, and then they come back, and they're active right now. So it's unfair to judge them in any way, but my heart was just saying, how can I help them be better? And I can help them be better by helping them have deeper relationships with their family at this moment. You know, I couldn't teach that guy how to shoot a grade launcher better, and I sure as s**t could outswim the guys who are swimming. Like, they're they're amazing at what they do, and they have some of the best coaches on earth internally there. Really, really amazing human beings. How did they bring you in? Like, why did they bring you in? Why do they think they'll call you to bring you in? A friend of mine is in in he's really high up in the air force. He is in charge of all their common series. They're like the grocery stores. He's in charge of all of them, and he watches my stuff avidly and listens everything we do. And every now and then, he'll call me and say, listen. I've got a specific group of guys. Here's what they are. Here's what they're doing. Here's what this is. That message you shared with us last week, I really think it would help them. Would you be willing to come over and share that with them? I say, sure. No problem. I mean, they're serving our country. They're working their tails off, and they're risking their lives every day. I'm more than willing to show up and and share whatever you think is useful that I have. I'd be happy to give it to them. And so we do it all the time whenever we have a chance to. And whenever they think it's necessary, they'll reach out to us, and we'll be, you know, always willing to share and always willing to help as much as we can. And so we got invited over to to share with him, and he said, listen. I really think you could help these guys perform better. And he was talking about, you know, helping them set up morning routines, how to get them prepped for the day. And they already had great routines, so we gave them a little bit more that could help enhance it. But but then the the evening routine was the one I saw that was completely missing, and they had no way to shut off and go back home. And so I started working with them and saying, listen. At the end of the day, if you're if you're not deployed, and even if you are, but there you have to be turned on 247. You don't really don't get a chance to turn off because something could happen at 2:30 in the morning. They wake you up and you gotta go, and you gotta deliver. But but when you're here on on on states and you get to go home at night, what's your routine that when it shuts off, you can literally disassociate, disconnect, allow it out of your nervous system? And for some people, that's going to work out, and that helps clear their mind. That helps them get it out of their body and just refocus. And I said, you know, for other people, it's taking a walk and just breathing and thinking about, you know, what was great about the day? What did I learn? What could I do better? Great. I'll do it tomorrow, and letting it go. For other people, it's breathing for 20 minutes and, you know, meditating and stuff like that. So it's different for different people. We gotta figure out what's the routine that allows you to disconnect. Mhmm. 1st, disconnect. Then what's the routine necessary for you to reconnect to your loved ones? Meaning, if you're gonna right now, if you're thinking about your loved ones or your your kids, right now in this moment, you're probably not, like, gushing over them and your heart's going, oh my god. They're so amazing. I can't wait to see them. It's gonna be incredible. But if they No. Usually, they suck, and I'm annoyed at them. But But But if it today, I'll be happy to see them. But watch this. You're about to see them in a few hours, I think. Yes. And so watch this. Let's say that we spent the next 2 minutes just asking you, what is the most precious and beautiful memory and moment you have with one of your kids? I mean, there's a lot, probably. But if you chose 1, just one right now to connect with and to think about. I think it's the fact that now that they're turning into a for me, the fact that now that they're turning into adults, I can relate to them not only as a parent, but as a friend. Yeah. So that moment when I realized for both of them that I could do that. Yeah. And then if you took another and you stacked another moment, so that moment you can connect with them and then say, go back way in the distance. Remember one of their earliest moments with them that just lit your heart up and made you know, as a dad, made you prouder than anything you could ever imagine. Maybe the first moment they walked, the moment they talked, just something special that happened. And then you catch that one, and then do it again. And if you repeat this process for, like, 3 minutes and you just keep grabbing moment after moment after moment after moment after moment, and you do this for 3 to 5 minutes straight, maybe throw some music on that really makes you feel connected to them, like your favorite song you like to sing or listen to together, and then you stack it and maybe see a picture of them. If you combine the visual auditory and the feeling of it and reconnect with all those memories, by the time they get there, are you more or less likely to pick up the phone if it's some business call at that moment? Yeah. That's that's a that's a good point. You're less likely because you're disconnected from business. Your head's not thinking about all the deals. Your head's not you're not turning of, like, I gotta get this done. I gotta finish that. I gotta finish this. You're literally connected to them. You're like, I can't wait to see them. Well and this reminds me of what you were talking about earlier Mhmm. Which is, you know so let's say I have what I perceive to be a life value. It may or may not be, but I perceive it to be. It could be a weakness if there's a gap between my reality and my perception. Exactly. This is what your dad was doing with you when he had you stacking lumber Yep. In Canada. Yep. Like, you might have had a value or he might have had a value that, okay, Jarek needs to, know what hard work is. Yes. Well, here's the thing. If you would ask me if I was a hard worker back then, I'd go, of course, I am. Right. But he saw this gap. Yes. And so he wanted to to make sure you filled it. Yeah. And so so what happened? You were I interrupted in the middle of that sort of bringing it back. No. I went and learned how to stack lumber, and and we had well, I'll tell you the it's a funny story. I tell it in the book, and I share it because I think there's some important points for people. And so I I decided to do it. I said, I'm in, and I showed up, and so I flew up to Canada, got there at my step grandpa's house, and they put a room together for me, so I got to stay there and stuff. And they took very great care of me. They're wonderful, wonderful people. And so I remember on day 1, I went downstairs, and on my mom's side of the family, they're a little bit of showmen, so I like to dress up and act silly and stuff. So I brought a bunch of gear I thought I would need to, like, I'm outside, long hours, Canada, could get cold, could be rainy, could be sunny, never know. So I I came upstairs and I had, like, a big yellow rain slicker jacket, a camelback with a water thing. I had worn cowboy boots because I thought I needed leather hard toed boots in case the wood falls, jeans, big gloves. And then on my way up, I even grabbed, you know, my step grandpa's cowboy hat out of the garage and threw it on my head just in case because I need to keep the sun out of my face. A photo of that? Can you we're gonna post that with this podcast. I wish I did, but I walked into the room and my step grandma almost fell out of her chair laughing because she could clearly see, a, I had no clue what I was about to do because it wasn't that technically hard, and, b, they were just laughing because of how silly I looked. I was like, okay. I'm ready, guys. And they just looked at me and kinda shook the head, and she literally burst out laughing. She has the beautiful most beautiful laugh in the world. She almost fell out of her chair. And I remember thinking like, whoops. I thought I didn't know what I was doing. So as I turned around, walked downstairs, they're like, okay, pal. You won't need all that. Trust me, it's a little ex too much stuff to take with you. I'd be like, all you need is jeans, a t shirt, and some tennis shoes, and you'll be fine. Maybe maybe some boots, but I'm sure you'll be fine, and gloves. And so, went back downstairs. On my way back downstairs, I overheard my uncle, my dad, and my step grandpa taking bets on how many days they thought I was gonna last. Because this is hard work. Like, I had to be at the freeway by 6 AM, which the freeway was a 22 minute drive away from the house, which means I have to leave at, you know, I don't know, 4 or 5 20 something in the morning to get there, which means I like to wake up and work out. So that means I have to get up at, like, 4 or 4:30 in the morning to get my workout in prior to doing this, and then eat breakfast, get ready. And and so when I overheard them saying how many days it was gonna last, it set off this chip on my shoulder, like, I'm gonna prove to them what I'm capable of. Now what's wild, if you look at a lot of young people, that's a lot of times why they try to go after something. Someone will say, I don't think that's possible. I don't think you can do it. And either, a, they believe it and go, yeah, I guess so, and don't try, or, b, they get pissed and they go for it. And they have something to prove, something to prove to themselves, something to prove to the world around them, something to prove to their friends, something to prove to society, someone. And and they have this, like, aggression and excitement and passion to go do something and prove that they can make it. And mostly, it's about themselves and to themselves. Like, they're gonna prove to themselves they can make this success happen. So inevitably, what happened, I showed up. I started doing it. Within the 3rd day, like, it hurt. I mean, I've I've done football and wrestling and all kinds of sports, but I've never been so sore in my whole life. Like, I couldn't think without having pain in my body. And I just kept pushing, kept pushing. I was getting up at 4:30 in the morning, working out, getting ready, eating breakfast, driving to the side of the freeway, jumping in a van with a bunch of worker guys, driving all the way an hour to lumber yard, working all day. Was it boring? It was hard. Like, boring. Eventually, we'll get there. It was interesting. But but in in the beginning, it was all determination and just like, I'm gonna show them. So I'm working extra hard pushing everybody, moving stuff faster than everybody. And after a few days, like, I can't lift my arm in the morning. It hurt so bad, but I kept pushing myself. And after about a week, my step grandpa noticed me getting up and working out every morning in the gym, lifting weights and running for an hour. And he's like, pal, you might wanna cool it on the gym thing in the morning. You're gonna burn yourself out. And I said, okay. I got it. And I'm I had I was gonna prove to them how strong I was. I could work out before. I could do this lumber stuff all day, and I could work out afterwards. So I was working at an hour in the morning with weight half hour weight, half hour running, stacking lumber all day, half hour running at night, going to bed, and doing it again 6 days a week. So it was crazy. And so about halfway through, I'll fast forward. Halfway through, beginning, I was all fired up to prove to everyone what I could do. Halfway through, I started getting all these thoughts. What the hell did I sign up for? This is the stupidest thing I've ever decided to do. I'm smarter than this. I almost have my bachelor's in psychology. Like, I almost have a college degree. Why am I working a hard labor job in the summer? This is stupid. I'm not even getting paid for this. What's wrong with me? You know? And and why why am I the one sick out here? There's some foreman guy who gets to tell people to do. Why am I not doing that? And all these thoughts, and then I sat back, and it took a while. I didn't get this immediately. But upon reflecting back, I eventually hit a point where I stepped back, and I remember looking in the mirror and thinking, who the hell are you to think you deserve more than anything? And if you're young and listening to this, I don't know if you've hit this point yet in your career, but a lot of young guys specifically will get into a job, an an entry level job, will work, work, work, work, work, work, work, work, work, work, and eventually, these thoughts of entitlement will kind of sneak into our head. And, you know, it's funny. I call that, the disease. Yeah. So if an employee has the disease Yeah. You know, where they think, like, oh, they should be making, you know, sometimes they deserve double the money, but often, it's it's, you know, random. Yep. It's you can never get rid of the disease. I don't know how to solve it in an employee or a friend or whatever. But I know for myself, I try I you never you're never entitled to anything, I believe. And I'm 48 years old. I'm not entitled to anything unless I, you know, earn it. Yeah. But but that was the lesson waiting here. And and that's what I write about. And and so the concept became I remember day after day after day thinking I'm better than this, I'm smarter than this, I should be getting paid money, I should be having a real, you know, summer job, and I should make real cash on the side. What the hell am I wasting my time for? I'm wasting my education. Like, all these thoughts. And I remember at one point just hearing this mess in my head. And I remember I walked in the bathroom, I looked myself in the mirror, and I said, who the hell do you think you are? Like, let's just start fresh because you're right. It's a disease. And I thought, if I were to continue to do this thought process, where would it lead me in life? And I just tried to future pace it and look out into the future and say, if I were to keep doing this again and again again, where the hell is this gonna lead me to in life? And I couldn't figure out anything that it would be worth. And and I went back to an original thought I learned a long time ago, which is everyone in life is either an example of what to do or a warning of what not to do. And I said, if I'm gonna get stuck in this entitlement attitude thinking I deserve more, I'm better than this, I'm smarter than this, they don't respect me enough, all this other crap, I said, I'm gonna land up being a big a*s warning of what not to do in life. And those are needed. That's interesting. So everything in life is either a warning of what to do or what not to do. Based on the goals you have. Right. So your goals, you can walk outside. We can look at every person, a homeless person, a billionaire, a guy in a Rolls Royce, a guy, you know, running a pedicab. And we could say based on your goals. So go back to a value. Tight with family, being a good, honest, true person, artistic, and creative. Based on your values, is this person being an example of someone that'll help move you closer to those or a warning of someone that's gonna move you away from those? Interesting. So that's you're saying that's an indicator of who I should be around? Not who around, but how what you can learn from them. And there's a deeper point, which is every single person because a lot of people say, hang out with this group of people because if you wanna be like them, hang out with them and you'll learn what they do. But here's the thing, we have this hallucination that if we can find a person who's an example because of who they are or where they've been or what they've created or how much they make or something they have that we think they have it, so if I can be around them, maybe I'll get it too. The problem is we forget that everyone then is an example and a warning. Every person. I guarantee you, you know, we hung out long enough. You'd be able to look into my life and say, hey, you're a great example in certain areas, and you're a big a*s warning in other areas. And that's okay. It's just learning what to do and what not to do based on your goals, your values, and what you're after. And so I see a lot of people look up to people like dad or other people, and they say, hey, You know, Gary Vaynerchuk is someone a lot of people look up to right now. And everyone goes, wow. Gary is such a great example of of success and achievement and hustle and hard work and all this other stuff, which is a beautiful example. And I've met Gary a handful of times. He's amazing, hard a*s working guy. And if you dig close enough, I'm guessing if you had family as your number one value and spending time with family, lots of significant time each day high on the list, he wouldn't be the best example in the world for that. And so I'd go have to go, oh, he's a beautiful example of hard work and hustle at the office. Not that great of example, probably a little bit of a warning at staying home every night and having dinner with your family. So we'd have to go, okay, learn the hustle from him. Now let's comb through and look for somewhere else that really, really does make the family work and figure out how to learn that skill from them. It's almost like you need your kind of, like, virtual board of directors. Like, here's who I'm gonna appoint Yeah. To be my hustle member. Yeah. Here's who I'm gonna appoint to be my more relaxed, calm person and, you know, try to figure out what I can learn from each one of them. Because here's what's interesting. They each have different habits. They have different rituals. They have different belief systems. They have different things they go through every day. They have different ways of approaching the day, different ways of turning on and off. So, you know, I look for kind of extremes and then figure out how do you blend them. Like, how do I be Gary all day when I'm at work? Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Make it happen. Build. Build. Build. Crazy. Crazy. Crazy. But how do I be my friend Ananda Giri who's from One World Academy and a monk from India, when I go home? It's like, wow. What ritual would I need between work and home to go from hustle, hustle, hustle, hustle, hustle to Zen monk? And what do you have to do? Zen monk, but but monk. And so that's the practice. That becomes that writ that transition ritual. What do you have to do? And everyone's different. But for me, things that really help, yoga. For some reason, if I can go in a room, specifically, if it's hot yoga with some great music, and I can just pour out some sweat and do nothing for, like, a good solid 55 minutes, oh, man. It gets me out of my head, lets me let go of all the crap that's going on in the day, lets me relax, reground, reconnect. Then at the end, I try to think about everything I love and appreciate about my wife. So by the time I walk out of that class, I'm ready to connect with her and be with her and be present and be loving and caring. It's so interesting. I mean, I'm gonna totally steal this concept from you. But, like, so many people talk about, like, a morning ritual, but what you really emphasized here is an evening ritual that's kind of important for success Yeah. For for for holistic success. Like, not just success in making money, but success in sort of home life and the other things you value, whether it's creativity or honesty or whatever. It's why we threw the whole achieve success by living with purpose. Because this whole purpose concept isn't like find your life's purpose, and that'll be the answer to everything. The purpose is live aligned with your values. And if you value family, don't be the person that's like work all day, work all night. But, oh, yeah. Family is totally important to me. That's why I work so hard. That's what people try to say. Right. And it's like, okay. Great. We'll work extremely hard during the work hours and have a way to turn it off. And that's what a lot of them struggle with doing is the letting go aspect at the end of the day of how do I disassociate from work. Let it completely go mind, body, physical, like it's gone, not even thinking about it. Reassociates a family that I value so much and get to spend those pressure precious moments with them. Going back to Gary, he is a beautiful example of this. Because if you listen to him, and I've gotten the rare experience of watching him in and out of different spaces, when it's family time, work disappears. The phone is off. The people are gone. It's like he box himself in a room like this, and nothing else exists except for him and his family. He's not one of those guys that's like, oh, crap. Crap. Crap. I gotta take this call real quick. Sorry, guys. And leaves his kids sitting in the living room because he has to go get a business call. No. He shuts it off. So he is a beautiful example. He just balances different time ranges. But to that extent, saying, wow, I'm gonna take this ability to I call it switching gears. The ability to go from full throttle forward to full throttle the other way and completely shut it off, relax, and become present. But it's not shutting it off. That's what people tend to say. Like, I just wanna be able to shut it off at night. You're not shutting it off. You're shutting off work. You're turning on family, home life, significant other, health. I don't know if you might be single at home and lonely. I don't know. But you're turning on the home life stuff, the community stuff. Therefore, the one thing you gotta do is, 1, completely clear out the day. 2, fill up with the same way that you build into your day. So your visualization, your goals, your future vision, your affirmations, whatever you do to fill yourself up and totally get laser focused on what you're gonna do in the day, you gotta have a similar ritual, a little bit softer, but similar ritual for the evening of what you wanna do with your family. Let's stop to take a quick break. We'll be right back. We've talked a lot in the past few months, and I know it seems to me in the past few years, you've gone from focusing more on performance to focusing more on relationships. And you I think you've kind of, centered a lot of your coaching around the fact that it's our relationships in life that increase our performance. It does. And, and and I've I've heard that a lot from you in in the past few months in particular. But I wanna I wanna, address what we even talked about this before the podcast briefly, and I know you don't like specifically talking about your dad. But I do wanna ask you, like, how do you avoid the comparisons when you're, you know, pitching a coaching client and, you know, do they compare you to your dad? Do they want you to be like your dad? Do they say, hey, we want your dad and not you? Like, how do you deal with kind of this overwhelming presence of your dad being in the same industry and being huge in that industry in in your life? Well, he's huge in life anyways. And by the way, specifically, you didn't wanna talk about this before the podcast, but we we agreed that Yeah. Let's just mention it, you know, briefly. Well, we reach different people, and we're totally at different stages of life, and we have different expertise and experience. And and so I was talking about this just a few days ago with a friend of mine because he charges $1,000,000 a year plus the percentage of the upside of a company for coaching. Who who does? Your friend or Dad. Okay. And and so there's a stark contrast to start there. Right. I, you know, we charge roughly $500 a session. He charges $1,000,000 a year. So right there, you just split the audience, because no matter who comes to me and they're like, I really want you to be just like your dad. I'm like, well, I don't charge $1,000,000 a year, and we deliver a different style of service. And does that mean his is a 1,000 times different than mine? Not necessarily. But who he is, what he's done, where he's gone, what he's experienced, how he's experienced it, what he's discovered, and how he's able to deliver it is different, and it's always gonna be that way. His life is different than mine, and it'll never be the same. As much as I'd wanna try to make it that way, It would never be the same. He grew up differently than me, had a different experience growing up, working, earning, everything. So we just have radically different experiences to provide for people. Coaching to some extent, though, is just what something And you've learned a lot about coaching from him. I mean, you worked in his organization. Of course. Obviously I worked there for 7 years. Yeah. Did six and a half years in coaching for them, got trained by them, went through all the stuff there. And so I I learned his methods that he teaches. So the coaching aspect, the cool part is that's duplicatable. The life experience aspect, I have to go out and get my own life experience, and therefore, I have my own viewpoints, perspectives, insights, strategies, and and that's what I can share. But in the coaching aspect, the tools, which is awesome, coaching itself isn't necessarily mentoring, which is let me show you how I've done it so you can have, you know, the leg up. Or it's not it's not really consulting either, which is, hey. You know, let's figure out all the numbers and gadgets and digits and and let's fine tune your systems to get you to perform better. Like, there's some of that in there, but not a whole lot. It's certainly not therapy. We're not trying to fix the past or anything. Coaching, you know, I always refer to it like the Olympics. Like, hey. You say you wanna win a gold medal. I say, great. Whatever your gold medal is, whether that's a certain number you wanna reach in business, how you wanna perform at home, how you wanna perform daily in your mind and body and emotions, you wanna perform in your stock trading, or whatever you wanna do. So we take the person and say, okay. That's your goal. Day 1, we need to figure out where the heck you are you. How do you compare in that space? So we sit you down, figure out what your numbers are compared to the numbers you want. Then we gotta figure out what's your current plan of action and what's the actual results it yields. Based on those results, what do we have to change about this to get it to stack in the right direction? So the coaching aspect, that doesn't really change who you go to. Now my ability to connect with you and get through to you drastically changes coach to coach to coach. So the other factor when someone's like, oh, I like someone like your dad, I'll tell him, I'm probably not the best guy for you. I'm a lot more calm and relaxed than he is, and I'm a lot Is that true? Yeah. A lot more. Like, when you're in the room with him, is he, like, jumping all over the room? He's got a lot a lot a lot of energy. Like, I I gave him a gift the other day, this little thing called Spire, and it's from Stanford. And it and it's basically on the box, it says breathe your way to calm. And he looked at the box, and the first thing he said, he said, first off, thank you so much. This is interesting. I'm excited to use it. And I told him all about it. I said, basically, it tracks your breath, and it and it tells you if you're tense, calm, or focused throughout the day. And it's Spire, s p I r e? Yeah. And it's is there, like, an app I can get? Or Yeah. It's an app and a little, like, clip that goes on your belt. It's, like, a $100. And and so I'm I'm I'm trying to get them to get me a professional dashboard. So I'm talking to the guy who created it and saying, hey. I would love a dashboard as a coach where I could see my clients' breathing patterns all day long. And ideally, as a manager of a team in a company, if you knew you had 50 sales guys and, obviously, I know HR is gonna have a freaking headache over this stuff of if it's okay and all sort of jazz. But let's say it was possible. You had 50 sales guys, and you knew that by 11:30 AM, 30 of your guys were tense for the last 20 minutes. Now tense means you've activated your fight or flight. You're no longer using the executive part of your brain to make logical and sound decisions, therefore, you're just reacting emotionally to whatever people are saying on the phones. That is you're not your best place to sell from. The best place to sell from is a focus state, and they've tracked the amount of breaths you take and the style of breaths you take if you're focused, calm, or tense. So if you could see a dashboard where you see 30 of your guys are tense right now, wouldn't it be smart to go out and say, hey. Hey. You know, team break. Team break. Here's what we're gonna do. Everyone stand up. Do, like, 10 breaths with me. Let's throw on some good music. Let's get you guys completely calm down. Focus focus on your goal. Get excited. Relax. And you watch their breathing change. You watch them all go back down to focus or calm. Say, okay. Get back on the phones and go for it. Okay. That's what this does for me personally. So I gave it to dad to wax the story. Here's what's funny. He picked up the box, and the box says, breathe your way to calm. And the first thing out of his mouth was, I wouldn't put this up in a 1000000 f**king years. Because he has no he has no care in the world to try to be calm or relaxed. His whole thing is passion, intensity. Like, that's what changes lives. That's what makes s**t happen. So his is about more energy, more focus, more passion. And my thought is, I learned the greatest gifts and strengths from family and dad specifically about passion and intensity. He has more than I do, but I have a bunch when I talk about stuff I'm, you know, excited about. But then on the other side, I say, you know, where's the thing I can learn that they don't have as much of that I can, you know, basically have a small advantage if I learn that too? So looking at that, I said, you know, one thing I I was tense a lot at. You know, I'm only 32, and if you look at the side of my head, I got all kinds of gray hairs. Because when I was a kid, I was always comparing myself to dad and stressing out over the fact that I wasn't as far as long as he was when I was his age. So by the time he was 27, he went from making $38 a year to a $1,000,000 a year in personal income and bought a castle on top of a hill in Del Mar. So I'm turning 27 going s**t, s**t, s**t, s**t, s**t, s**t, because I was nowhere close to that. And so that didn't help back then. I finally had to let that go and say, listen. I'm my own man. I have my own life. I need to do life on my terms and and and go experience what I can make happen and do it on my own. And that was one of the greatest gifts dad ever gave me as he came to me and said, listen. I think, as a dad, one of the greatest gifts I could give you if you're gonna choose to stay in this field, and any other field too, but especially this field because we're in the same space. He said the best thing I could ever help do this, and this was years ago, he said, is to ask you really, really truly to completely disconnect from the brand, from the community, from the office, from anybody. He said, if you wanna do it, I'm all for it. If you wanna help people, help people. If you wanna coach, coach. But do it in your own space. So go find places where they don't know who we are. They don't know what you've done. They don't know what I've done. They don't know anything. Find them and enroll them and share what you know with them. And that way, they get to know you as you, and they get to know what you've shared with them as original. And and and you can always give credit where credit's due, but they get this in they get this new experience instead of having reference points in their mind of, oh, you're Tony's kid. You must know what he knows or something like that. And so what's wild is that was really hard in the beginning because all the people I connected with my whole life, everyone I had worked with, everyone I've done, it was all kind of in his world. And so in the beginning, I'd put up an ad and get a bunch of people who were like, oh, we just got done at your dad's UPW seminar. I'd like to work with you. And I'm like, great. Go work with his coaches. He has wonderful coaches. They're awesome people. Call this number. They'll say great care of you. And and that's kinda hard in the beginning of business too because you really need the business when it's just starting. And so I had to, you know, stick with integrity there and say, listen. I told dad I wouldn't do it. So when clients would come to me directly from his stuff, I would literally reroute them and send them right back over to the main office line and have the office take care of them. And that was hard, really hard. And I went out and found a partner, and and a friend of mine told me this. He said, you know, when you wanna have a great partnership, there's 3 things you need to find in connection. Brand, like brand awareness, productization, do they have a solid, really credible, amazing product, and then, marketing or reach, how big is their reach? And if you look at those three things, you see one thing that's really interesting. Usually, you figure out where your strength is, and wherever your strength is, you wanna make sure that's their weakness. And wherever their weakness is, you wanna make sure it's your strength and vice versa. So I had a great product called performance coaching. I could take someone that was struggling to stay accountable, struggling to stay on track, you know, performing at an average level, and I can get them to extraordinary performance and total consistency. That's what I was good at at a at this stage of life. I found a lady who at the time, and this was 2,000 10 maybe, 2009, was teaching small business owners in Los Angeles only how to get their business set up online that didn't have a web presence at all. So we're talking like a flower shop in Beverly Hills, which to me, I was like, we're gonna go with a flower shop in Beverly Hills. Can they afford coaching? She's like, yeah. They do $2,700,000 in flower sales every year. I was like, I'm in the wrong freaking business. How the hell do they sell $2,000,000 worth of flowers? Like, who are their clients? And they don't even know a website? How do they do that? And it turns out, like, all the housewives of Beverly Hills buy, like, $60,000 arrangements for their freaking parties. So that's who sells it to them. And I said, okay. Well, we can help grow their business by getting a website and just having a web presence, as simple as that sounds. Nowadays, people go duh. But back then, it was like, oh, that'd be a good improvement. So I partnered with her. She had a reach of I think her email list was only, like, 10,000 local small businesses in in LA, which is big. It's all very, very specific. Only small businesses in LA who did not have a website. She found 10,000 of them in Los Angeles County. So she had that email list. She had a good, you know, a good product, which is teaching them the basics of putting their business online. I had a good product called really holding them accountable to follow through because most people go to these events, learn all this great stuff, go home and do nothing with it. So I'm like, hey. I can get them to actually do something so their money gets a return. And then she had a reach. She had connection to them and brand awareness. They knew who she was and they trusted her because of her past years of doing business there. So we partnered up, and I went from getting maybe a client to sign up once a month, a 2 or 3 clients once a month, which I was really excited about at the time. With that partnership, all of a sudden, we did an event. 65 people showed up to the event. We we showed here's the steps we're gonna take you through. Here's how it'll affect your business. Here's where you know, the presence of online in Los Angeles County. Here's how many new clients you reached. Here's the different stuff. Did the proposal. We had I had 22 coaching clients sign up in one day. Now as a coach who was working 1 on 1 with individuals to go from, like, 2 or 3 a month to 22 in a day, game changer. We repeated the event 6 months later, and then we got even more. And all of a sudden, within that 1st 8 months, because of those events and that partnership, it took my business from a small little business of coaching, just trying to build up to 52 1 on 1 coaching clients a month, and I had 0 life, 0 time, completely overwhelmed as a coach. And and that was not what I dreamed for either. But but, you know, 24 years old, making over a $100,000 in revenue in your first 8 months ain't half bad start. So how did you get back though to living the life you wanted to live? I had coach yourself. Yeah. I had to refine the business. So I had to sit down and learn about business, and and realize that I can't help the world myself. I think one of the greatest lessons dad ever shared with me later in life, I asked him, I said, what's something you wish you would have known when you were my age? And he said, I I wish someone would have told me it's not your responsibility to help everybody. Everybody. Help as many as you can, but it's not your responsibility to help everyone. And I was like, interesting. What it is Why do you think that's the most important thing? Both of us have really, really big hearts. And when we cross paths with someone who needs help, our nervous system fires on all cylinders to just as help them. To get, like, anxious if you can't help them? Not anxious. It just I feel compelled to help them, like like, drawn. Mhmm. And and, like, all every now and then, while crossing paths with a client, I can think of someone specific who they got turned down by every therapist. They got turned down by every coach. They got fired from every counselor. Like, every person they've ever tried to work with has fired them and told them, do not contact me ever again. And And they reach out to me and they're like, I don't have enough money for your coaching. I'm really struggling, but I hope you can help me. Do you think you could help? And by all signals, there must be a reason why every single person in the helping profession does not wanna help this person. And I'm like, oh, okay. Let's work together. And I'll just be like, tell me what's going on. And then all of a sudden, I'll find out why they're not working with other people. Because on day 1, they'll forward me, like, 200 emails. And they're like, please read all of these and be ready for our call tomorrow. I'm like, oh, I knew it. There was a reason. And and and and so you find out. It's like, wow. They have interesting tendencies, interesting habits. So I you know, my heart compels me to, like, even though it's not fun, even though it's not what I'm really not my ideal client, certainly not how I run-in my business, every now and then, I'll feel compelled to be like, okay. If no one's gonna help this person, I'm gonna help them. What's going on? And I'll have to learn their tendencies. And what's neat though, I'm also pretty good at within a couple weeks of dealing with anybody, weeding through all the crap that doesn't need to be there and figuring out what's real and figuring out how to get down to the actual challenge that needs to be handled and helping them get through it and then getting them on their way. I mean, to an extent, I I was talking with a lady here who who does biofeedback for a bunch of, like, pro athletes and all these people. I said, do you think this could help someone who's stuck, you know, not able to control themselves? And she was teaching me about Control in what way? So she was she was one we were saying this before the show, but she was saying, if you think of your parasympathetic and sympathetic nervous system or your fight or flight and rest and digest. And she goes, you know, in your your fight or flight, it basically elevates, like, 0 to 10 scale. But for some people, it goes 0, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, and 10. And some people at most people at 10 can go, oh, s**t. You know, I'm being crazy. Calm down. And calm themselves down. For people who lose control, it goes to 10, and then all of a sudden it goes from 10 to a100. And they're literally what they call out of control. They can't control their thoughts. They can't control their actions. They're just a a like a reactionary stimulus in life at that moment. Meaning, whatever happens around them, they physically, mentally, and emotionally react and respond to, and and it's all reaction just to try to keep themselves kinda safe and and in control. And she goes, for those people, it's really fascinating because she does biofeedback. So she measures your body temperature, your heart rate, your breathing, and and and shows you how your body is actually reacting. She says what we found was some of these people cannot actually control it. Once it goes, it goes, and they just lose control. And what people try to do is calm them down. The problem with calming them or drugging them, you know, you go to a psychiatrist and they say take this pill because the pill will block your receptor and won't allow your brain to even go that high, so it'll block you at a 7 and, like, shut you down. And then you have these really, like, really calm people now on antidepressants. Like, that doesn't help either. I said, well, what do you do? She goes, well, we train instead of trying to retrain the fight or flight and make it less aggressive or less, you know, over the top, she said we train the other side and make it really strong. So we make the rest and digest the parasympathetic nervous system really strong. That way, it becomes a breaking mechanism that when they start to elevate, and it's like 0, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, and it's going 80, 90, they can take a few breaths and they're so strong at this other side, it literally pulls the other side right back down to calm. So we're retraining the other muscle versus trying to back down the strong muscle that's there right now. And so she goes I said, how do you train it? And she goes, well, she specifically has a 10 week breathing program. It's not just breathing. 10 weeks, they plug in the machine and you just follow the breathing dot. In 1 week, they train focused breathing. 1 week, they train calm breathing. 1 week, they train all these different types of breathing. And the goal is you get so good at it that by the end, you can take 2 breaths and make yourself focused, calm, freaked out, ups like, anywhere. You just move your emotions like that. And not just thinking or feeling like you're moving your emotions, but you can cause your heart rate to speed up and slow down at will. You can cause your body temperature to heat up or cool down at will. So do you learn about stuff like that and meet with people like that because you wanna incorporate that into your coaching? Of course. Clients? That's great. Of course. Because I wanna be able to go to my client who can't control myself. Sign up for that now. Yeah. Me too. I'm literally talking to her. She only does it here in New York. So I'm trying to figure out if she can do a, like, Skype sessions with me. She said I have to buy the equipment and do all the stuff. But I'm trying to set it up so I can go through it because I wanna know how to do it myself. I'm always trying to get better. And, ideally, I'd love to take this. I ran into another guy. We were hanging out with Kamal, just a few weeks ago. Yeah. His god sons and god children's parents, we ran into them outside of, the restaurant here, and he was saying I was telling him what we were up to and all the stuff I was learning about. And he was telling me, he said, oh, we're doing some of this heart math stuff or the the bio, feedback stuff with board exec teams in companies over in San Francisco right now. Meaning, we take the executive team, and before we start the meeting, we have them all plugged in, and we can see their heart rate and their breathing and everything, and we get them to all breathe in sync and get their heart rates in sync. And he says, our hypothesis is if we can get them biologically in sync before they have important meetings, they'll connect better, they'll listen more, they'll they'll be more connected as a team, and therefore, they'll get through challenges a lot better than if they're just all over the place in different places. And he said, it's working. We're we're still going through the study. We don't have the research done yet, but we're doing it. And we're trying to figure out if we can get people in sync. My thought was like, wow. Going back to couples, what a neat ritual to have with your significant other. You come home, and the first thing you do, and it's kinda odd and sounds a little hippie ish, but it's cool. You come home, you plug in, and you say, let's just breathe together for the first 5 minutes when we're first home and get our hearts into the same rhythm and our chemistry bio like, biology. Let's get our biology in the same rhythm, but right when we get home so that we're kind of on the same rhythm at that point for the rest of the night. Well, it's interesting because I just spoke with, Robert Cialdini who wrote the book Influence. And he talks about how, synchronicity is an important part of, being able to be influenced by one another. So for instance, dancing, you become you end up liking the person more after you dance with them. Yep. So just because that synchronicity helps with influence and persuasion and so on. So it's an interesting technique. Yeah. So that thought is if you can get in a company boardroom, get the whole team connected. If you have a problem child, spend a few moments connecting with them and getting in the same breath or heart rhythm first and then have those deep conversations, your significant other. Like, it goes in all kinds of relationships. And and if you're looking for sales influences, stuff like that, Robert Cellini would say, if you can cause that same rhythm to happen in a client or someone you're trying to influence, you have more influence on them in that moment. I would do it for the connection. He would do it for the influence, and other people would do it for other reasons, but there's lots of benefits that come from it. So so, Jared Robbins, once again, thanks so much for coming on my podcast. Of course. The book, Live It, I I highly recommend. Thank you so much. Look. Let's let's keep keep going on in each other's podcast every couple years. I'm down. So thanks, Jerrick. For more from James, check out the James show on the choose yourself network atjamesaltiture.com, and get yourself on the free insider's list today. Hey. Thanks for listening. Listen. I have a big favor to ask you, and it will only take 30 seconds or less, and it would mean a huge amount to me. If you like this podcast, please let me know. Please let the team I work with know. Please let my guests know, and you can do this easily by subscribing to the podcast. It's probably the biggest favor you could do for me right now, and it's really simple. Just go to iTunes, search for the James Altucher show, and click subscribe. Again, it will only take you 30 seconds or less. And if you subscribe now, it will really help me out a lot. Thanks again.
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