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LadyGang

Actress and comedienne Sarah Baker is hanging out with the LadyGang to talk about working with actors like Michael Douglas and Alan Arkin on The Kominsky Method, missing out on big roles, making Chuck Lorre laugh, and Young Sheldon.

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The Southern Tea
01:13:08 1/5/2022

Transcript

All right, guys, welcome back to another episode of this other A.. Happy New Year, I am so excited to be back. It was such a nice break to be off for like a week and a half, and I kind of feel like I don't know what I'm supposed to be doing, but it feels really good to be back. And I have Caroline here with me and I'm going to hand the mic over to her. I have a grievance with you today because every time I have, every time I come over and I go to the bathroom, I'm so mad and I need an explanation. Why do you not have a hand towel in your bathroom? Every time I wash my hands after, like, shake my hands and dry my hands on my pants? OK, so a couple of reasons why I don't do hand towels. One, I just think they're nasty and they're like germ traps. So I feel like when people come over, would you want to come over after maybe like ups came in and asked if they could use my facilities and then wipe your hands after the guy that's been probably like picking his balls all day? Probably not. So I always just don't have a hand towel in there. But then I also didn't want to put paper towels in there because it looks like kind of like an eyesore. So then I actually have been going on Amazon trying to find something that looks like chic but functional for you to be able to dry your hands since it's such a big deal. Thank you so much for doing that for me. Also, let's be honest, you don't have a single ups man in your house going to the bathroom. That's a good excuse, but I definitely would rather just wash my dry my hands on the towel because I know it's just you using them. Definitely. There are some options on Amazon. I expect to have them next time I come over. OK, so I kind of have a wild story for you that happened to me over the break. OK, so Caroline and I have been hanging out so much over the break. Once I got home from Disney in Tennessee, it's just been like Caroline and I against the world, eating lots of pizzas, drinking some champagne. And what do we watch the other night? Selling sunset and maybe potentially becoming real estate agents? I'm not really sure, but I have been hearing about this story that she can't tell me about until we record next. And here it goes. OK, so I have been waiting to tell you this story, and I cannot wait to hear your reaction because it is insane. So, okay, so over the break, I was driving in my car and I went and buy a body armor, the drink, the body armor and you know, it has the plastic wrapper all the way from top to bottom. And whatever, I didn't finish it. I left it in my car and then I went on and didn't think anything of it. Well, then the next time I get in my car, that entire wrapper is off of the entire bottle and I'm like, OK, that's kind of weird. I didn't think a ton of it, but I was like, How did that happen? So then I go on and I'm like, OK, whatever. I go to Starbucks, I got a muffin. I didn't finish the muffin. I left the muffin in my car and come back. And the muffin is gone like it's not there anymore. It's totally gone. And so I'm like, What is going on? So I start to investigate. I'm like, Did somebody is somebody like breaking into my car? What's going on? I park outside at my house, so I didn't know. And I start like looking around and like that body armor rapper Lindsay. It is totally like shredded to pieces. So then I start, I'm like, Oh no, I'm terrified. And I start Googling things. Let me preface this by like, this is not my fault. I've Googled this. It's not my fault. And I'm so embarrassed about it. It is so bad. But I saw then like looking in like there's a water bottle in my car. It has a hole in it and it's like, got plastic all around it. And I'm like, Oh, no. So I go, of course, straight to the internet and it's like, you have a mouse in your car or a rat. And I'm like, Oh, so what do I do about this? I'm panicked and I go, like, straight to target. I'm like, Do I get an exterminator? Can they even do something about that? Like? So I go straight to target. I buy those like mousetraps, the ones that snap because, you know, there's like multiple kinds of mouse traps. There's a kind where the mouse will eat the poison and then we'll go and die. And I'm like, I can't have that because it could go and possibly die and then crawl in a tiny crevice of my car, and then I'll have to smell it forever. So I'm like, Oh my God. So I get the kind that's going to snap on there and I go, you have to go and like, put peanut butter on it. It is so bad and I have mousetraps all over my car. Lindsay, like all over my car. So I'm like, OK, I leave my car out my driveway. I'm in my house. I go back out to check it like an hour later. Nothing is there, but I'm like, What am I going to do once the mouse is actually there? Like, do I have to touch it? What's going to happen? So I'm terrified. So then I go out still not there and I'm like, Oh my God, this is going to be awful. I'm like, going to have to hire an exterminator. Do I go and get my car detailed and give them a warning? Do I just let them figure it out? I have no idea what I'm going to do. And so then my friend, my girlfriend, came over and I started telling her about this and we, like, immediately opened a bottle of wine and we're like, OK, we need some liquid courage to be able to handle whatever is going to happen tonight. We need to figure out we definitely need help of this bottle of wine. So we go out, we're like, well into this bottle of wine. And in the back part of my car were, the floorboard is there is, I am not kidding, the biggest mouse I have ever seen in my entire life. Just chillin, right by the mouse trap. OK, the mouse trap was like hung. It was messed up, so had obviously gotten into the air. But then it had gotten out and it is just sitting there staring at us and a big a*s mouse. I am not kidding in my car. So I then I'm terrified and I'm like, What do we do? What do we do? Luckily, my girlfriend is like, I'll grab it. It's fine. So we went and like, grab gloves from the inside of my house. And she's like, I'm so scared. She like, reaches for it. It doesn't move. So I think what happened is that it got snapped in there and then got hurt. But it was a lot. If I kept staring at us, blinking at us, I mean, we are screaming. My neighbors are probably like, What is going on? I'm shocked. They didn't call 9-1-1. She grabs the mouse with her hand and just throws it across my yard and we're screaming the whole time. I think it's the last one, but I'm still scared there might be a family of mice in my car. OK? Oh my God. First of all, I've ridden in your car, and I also want to add to the story that Caroline basically lives out of her car. We talk about this rather often that all of her belongings are in her car, so there could be classroom decorations, there could be cheerleading uniforms, there could be just a bunch of weird s**t compiled in her car that I've never seen in other people's cars. So I think that the mouse might have gotten attracted to all of the things that were in there. But I've been in your car since then and you did not tell me that there was a mouse in there. So if there was a mouse that came out and touched me, I literally would have passed the f**k away like I would. I would have passed away. I don't do mice. I don't do rodents. Literally terrified. You deserve a fresh start in all parts of your life, even at work. Take your team to the next level with a hiring partner that makes it simple to find candidates with the right skills. That's indeed, if you're hiring, you need. 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According to comScore, indeed is the number one job site worldwide and indeed delivers four times more hires than all other job sites combined, according to Talent, Ness joined more than three million businesses worldwide that use indeed to hire great talent. Fast start hiring right now with a $75 sponsor job credit to upgrade your job post at Indeed.com Slash 70 offer valid through March 31st. Go to indeed.com/ southern T to claim your $75 credit before March 31st. Indeed..com/ southern T terms and conditions apply. Need to hire? You need indeed. That's why I didn't tell you because I needed you to ride in my car with like since that has happened, so that way you at least know that it's not going to happen whenever you are riding through my car. I think what happened is because we know in Georgia it's been like 70 degrees the past couple of weeks and then it got really cold for two days and I think it crawled up. Apparently you can crawl in from it's like looking for shelter, is what Google said, because I'm like, Is it my fault? I have a gross car? And I mean, I'm not one I I don't keep a clean car. And so that's how I always preface this. I'm like, It is not my fault that this happened to me, but I will say I do still have mousetraps in the back of my car because I'm terrified. I think it's a safety issue. Think of what's going to happen if I'm driving down the road. If I see a mouse, I'm going to wreck, it's going to happen. Like, could you imagine because I am very clumsy? Like, what if I would have dropped my phone like down in the crevice of your seat and went to reach down to get it and got eaten by a mouse trap like king? Like what would you have done if I would have dropped my phone knowing how I am and reached back to get it? Would you have been like, there's a mouse trap back there? Like what exactly would have been the scenario? I think before you got in my car, I moved the mouse traps to the trunk. So that way you wouldn't see them because I couldn't have that happen. It probably would have been the end of our friendship, to be honest. That's so great. That is not where I thought that story was going at all. I thought that you had a stalker and we were part of witness protection at this point. So I'm glad, honestly, that the story went that way and not another way. But yeah, we have had such a great Christmas or holiday break. It's been so refreshing. I feel so refreshed and am really excited to be back here with you guys. Caroline and I were chatting about doing a sweatshirt and sure enough, actually on Barstool there was a whole list of names. Did you see it? There is a whole list of names on Barstool and Bamboozle was on there, and so I feel like we have to act on this fast because we are the ultimate bamboozle lawyers and I feel like we need a sweatshirt that reflects that. But we also talked about what would you guys like to see the sweatshirt look like? Because would we have multiple options where it's like we have bamboozle across the front? Would it be like a small little bamboozle? What does that look like? Yeah, I think that probably we should do both or multiple options, maybe small, maybe like big varsity kind of letters across the front. But I want to see if what people would actually wear with the bamboozle because you will not bamboozle us because we are the ultimate bamboos learners. So I definitely want to see what people would want to wear, and I definitely think that is going to be really, really cute. But I did see that post and I almost sent it to you, but I didn't. But it was like top what was at nine words. The most fun words to say, and no one was bamboozle. And I feel like this has happened to me so many times with Barstool, even with my other podcast like Kale, and I did a Philly cheesesteak tour in Philly. And then I think the week after that, Dave Portnoy did a Philly cheesesteak tour in Philly. And although we all know that Dave is the king of pizza reviews, he was not the king of cheesesteak reviews. And so now they have tried to coin bamboozle. And that's just not going to be a thing. So I would love for you guys to weigh in on two different things. The first thing is, do you keep a clean car or a dirty car? Because Caroline and I are polar opposites like my car is typically all the time spic and span, and I cannot ride in a dirty car. I feel like it's a reflection of my being. I am disorganized, organized person. I feel like I am an organized, chaotic person. And so I sometimes have things just like laying around. But everything that I have is very clean and I don't really like riding around in dirty cars. So typically I'll just be like, we'll take mine. So had I known that there was a mousetrap in your car, we would have definitely been taking my car. And then the next thing I need to know is, would you guys be interested in our merch? So. Shirt and this, like Caroline said, would look very collegiate varsity letters on there, and would you prefer small or large lettering just to give us a little bit of direction? I think that would be really nice, and I also wanted to talk about something else that happened over the break and I had not recorded and talked about it on my Instagram Story and then got a million messages from people asking, like, Can you give us a T? Can you give us the T? And since we are the two spellers over here, I don't really want to get into anyone's name that. And this involved, but it was a family group chat and there was just s**t popping off on there, and it was just interesting to me because there's been this one individual who is always in my business and always spreading my business, but has never met me and continues to talk and then tried to speak to me out of turn in a group chat. And I just felt totally disrespected and completely annoyed. And frankly, this is not been the first time this has happened. It happened over family group chat a week ago. And then this happened on Twitter several years ago, back in 2019, just a girl that I have literally never met. Speaking on things that I just don't believe on speaking on things unless you've talked to all parties involved. So somebody, I'm just confused a little bit. Somebody is texting in a family group chat about a situation that they don't know about or they don't know you. Yeah. So it's a person that is connected to one of my family members and yeah, have has never met me, doesn't know me and is only speaking off of. Pure gossip and people who don't really know the real deal and it stems from, like all different types of topics like my relationship with my family, my relationship with Will, my like various different things like Jackson. All of these things and I just think that it's completely out of line to speak on things when one you're speaking completely out of turn, when you don't know anything other than what you've been told and I live by, you're as guilty as the person. Like spreading a rumor if you're repeating the rumor? Yeah, I also will say, I mean, if you only hear one side of the story, I always say, there's three sides of the story, there's your side, there's my side. And then there's probably the truth, which is somewhere in the middle. So we all know that whatever version of the story this person is getting is not the true version. And so interesting that they would pop off in a family group, chat with multiple people in it and have no, not even the full picture of what's going on. Yeah. And it's just it's a little bothersome to me, too, because again, I don't know this person, so I literally have nothing to do with them whatsoever. Like, our lives don't intertwine in any way. And it's just a little weird. It's almost like, you know, you're watching my stories every day because you talk about them, you're listening to my podcast, you're doing all of these things. But then yet you don't even know me and you're having opinions about things that really, you shouldn't even have opinions about it, just a little bit bothersome. So that's something that I don't have to deal with because my whole life isn't on social media and all that. So I mean, that sucks that people just feel like they know your life and feel like they can just jump right in and say whatever they want, because that I mean, you just are in such a vulnerable position for that. So that definitely sucks. Absolutely. But moving on from this, Caroline and I were talking about social media creeping, and I feel like this is a topic that has so many legs because. Social media has literally allowed for people to have so much access to your life and to be able to find things that they would have never been able to find before social media. And I say before the iPhone because really, I feel like once iPhone came out, you had no secrets like that, was it? And so I would love to hear about what your cheerleaders call you and also like, how do you professionally creep? So I am referred to as the MBI, which is the main US Bureau of Investigation. There is nothing that I will not figure out. I will creep. I'm not ashamed of it. And even a lot of times when I'm not even creeping, people come to me with information that I don't even know is out there and just bring it to my attention. So I will find it out whether I'm trying or not. And so I am the FBI. Obviously, Instagram, you can definitely create social media whatever you put out there. But that's the thing with Instagram is you get to choose what you put out there. You choose what you put on your story, you choose what your repost said. You can even choose that you're tagged. Photos aren't on your profile, all that stuff. And so you do get to somewhat control that. And I feel like I'm almost like, I don't want to reveal this way because if anybody listens, they're going to stop doing this. But it is the number one way to creep on. Somebody is their Venmo. You want to know what somebody is doing. They're not going to put it that they were at the bar. They might hide that they were at the bar. You look on their Venmo and they have paid somebody for drinks at 1:30 a.m. You know exactly what they're doing. And the majority of people, I would say, don't have their Venmo totally on private. And you can see all their transactions. It is one of my favorite social media is to just scroll through and see what people are paying for. On Venmo is to see exactly what they're doing. I think that's so funny and so interesting, and I truly, truly never thought about creeping on someone's Venmo. But I actually had another girlfriend who caught her boyfriend cheating on her through Venmo transactions, and I was like, OK, like, things have gone really, really far. Like I thought my story on coffee convos years ago about Will. Chatting with people in group chat or like not group chats and private chats on words with friends was like sketchy. But finding out, could you imagine finding out that you were being cheated on by someone's Venmo transactions, like thanks for the tacos from whoever? And it's like, OK, now I know. And it's so easy because then you go on Venmo and it's like a rabbit hole. It's like you see someone's Venmo and you look up what that other person is. So then you try to find their social media account. See, like what they're about all this stuff. It's a really it's a slippery slope. That's wild. So they were just Venmo ing each other. They weren't even trying to hide it. I've never been. Like, I've never dealt with people that haven't been upfront about whatever they're doing on their Venmo. Usually with my Venmo and any of the creeping, it's like, Oh, you said you went to bed at nine p.m. last night. Funny, I see that you Venmo somebody for pizza at midnight. So you're lying. Or, Oh, you said that you were at your house over the weekend? Oh, really? Because you venmo somebody for golf over the weekend. So I can see that. I'm not an idiot to just Venmo each other straight up. That's risky. I can't believe they did that. I think probably what happened was maybe I can't remember the whole story, but maybe it was like one of them was sending private transactions and the other wasn't. And so it was easy to find it that way. I think that's how it was. But yeah, it's just like really like the fact that we have gone to the level of creeping on each other's Venmo to find out like what time you are possibly getting a drink from a friend or collectively ordering pizza with them. It's it's mildly concerning, but also used to. I felt like the best way to creep was to look at people's tagged photos on social media, like whether that be Facebook like that used to be like the odd way to creep is like you would go in college on Facebook and see, you know, these people, like Will, was tagged in these photos and I'm like, OK, I thought he wasn't drinking, but he literally looks like plastered to a f**king wall cell. Obviously, we're in a fight, but now it's like on Instagram, there's like a toggle button you can toggle over and see all people's tagged photos. I'm pretty sure mine are like hidden, so people can't see my tag stuff. And that's not to be like a weirdo. It's just I don't know what people are trying to tag me like. I've been tagged in some real weird stuff on there, like naked people on there, like, so I'm like, I don't want somebody go into my Instagram page and toggling over and seeing like a naked person that I'm tagged in and it's like, Definitely not me. That is hilarious. I'm sure that you get tagged by on the most random things and probably so many to wear it. You can't even on tag yourself from all that. Can you even, I guess you can remove your tag from a photo and Instagram. But I will say that that is the beauty of Venmo is it is. It's automatic. You might take a photo and Instagram it three weeks later or they could then people can say that like, Oh, this photo was actually taken three weeks ago, but it's like, Oh, really? So you're just now Venmo me for pizza at midnight that that was from three weeks ago. Don't believe that Venmo is just it's instant. So. And same with. Same with Facebook. Like you, probably. I feel like a lot of people will save their photos and they'll upload their photos like a big, like a photo dump is what it's called. And so that's like, OK, we're going to do all these photos at one time from the past month. It's like, OK, I see that you're drinking in this. But when was this taken? And then you go into like, OK, what are you wearing? Like, you are such a creep. So, yeah, Venmo is pretty instant. And then obviously, Instagram Stories are also instant as well. For sure, it's like you're looking at the photo and looking at the entire confection of the outfit and it's like, OK, cute because you actually don't get that shirt until yesterday, so you think you're being boosler. But we are the most professional bamboos lawyers that you've ever met, so you cannot get one off on me. OK. The other thing that Caroline and I were talking about over break was completely different than this, and it was about we were just sitting on my porch letting Georgia play. She got in a pile of ants and got so many ant bites on her belly. Bless her heart and we were out there forever. I feel like it was like hours we were outside and just drinking champagne on the porch, letting the dog play, and we were chatting about logical and natural consequence parenting for me, but I guess teaching for her. And there was some like, really interesting things that you said that I thought was really cool from a teacher perspective. So I want you to tell everybody about it. Yeah. So behavior is something that we and the teaching, we're all we talk about how you have to you have to explicitly teach math. You have to explicitly teach reading. But you assume that behavior is not something you used to assume that behavior was not something that was explicitly taught. And so we now we know that a lot of kids have to be taught how to behave. One, I think it's a difference of parenting than it used to be, but to. I also think that that's just it's something that we've probably always needed. And now schools are taking an initiative to, like, have skill and all that stuff. And a lot of the way that we teach behavior is through positive and building relationships that's not necessary and it's not necessarily a punishment. And so I am big on if I do punishment having either a logical or a natural consequence. And so a natural consequence would be something that's not predetermined by an adult. It's something that happened because of your action that you did that you weren't supposed to do. So let's say you're running down the hallway and you fall down and you, like, hurt yourself because you were running in the hallway. I'm like, Oh, I'm so sorry. That's what I call a natural consequence. If you are walking in the hallway like you're supposed to. Then that would have never happened. And so that's big because I always tell my kids and you guys, as parents, probably say the same thing. I don't have rules because I'm trying to make your life miserable or because I'm trying to be mean. Rules are here to keep you safe. And so whenever they see that, then I think they whenever they have like a natural consequence like that, they get to see, Oh, this is why we have rules, because then I don't have these natural consequences that I just had. And so they they actually learn why we have rules. So I have really tried to start implementing within the last six months, more natural consequence, parents. I talked about it on coffee convos before and recently there was a situation that came up with Jackson that I was just like, You know what? You're just going to have to learn. You have to learn the hard way and it's going to be a natural consequence. He was fighting me about going to bed and how it wasn't fair and how he really felt like he should be able to stay up. And he is mature enough now and, you know, giving me the whole spiel and I'm like, You know what? You're right, you should be able to stay up. But you know, just like an adult when the morning comes and you have to wake up. I don't want to hear any nonsense about how you're tired, how you're sleepy, and I certainly don't want to get any bad reports at school that you're sleepy at school because you stayed up at home. Next morning rolls around, and sure enough, he starts fighting me to get out of the bed, and I just simply said, I said no. I said, I'm sorry that you're tired. I hate that you're tired. But I gave you the opportunity to go to bed when you were supposed to go to bed and you thought you had all the better ideas. And because you thought you had all the better ideas, you're going to live with being sleepy all day today and tomorrow, later tonight, when you go to bed, I'm sure that you will make a better decision tonight. And he is in the shower sitting in the floor, you know, like half brushing his teeth. And, you know, just like really not starting off on a good foot in the morning and the next morning, he had a completely different. Different idea. And I would imagine that you, as a parent, you're like, OK, that is a battle that I have one time, but then after that it's like, OK, now he's in understand why there's a bad time while we have it, because he was so miserable and you had to battle him that whole morning. But it's better than having to battle him every single night of no, you have to go to bed. Let him let him suffer for one day. You can have a natural consequence and learn that way. It's probably a lot faster than actually letting him like battling every single night. No, it's just my way or the highway. Sorry. Um, so then the other kind of consequences that I'm big on are logical consequences. And this is something that I feel so passionate about when just as a teacher, I think it's the best thing for kids in general to have logical consequences. But these are predetermined by the adult, right? So it wouldn't be a natural consequence that has that happens because of this, but it's something that aligns with the behavior that they did. And so like when I was growing up, if I ever got in trouble, no matter what it was, it was like your phone taken away and or you're you're grounded. You can't do this. And it would be something that had nothing to do with what I actually did. And that's great. I mean, there's I think that there's a there are some cases where you definitely have to have just some harsh punishments, but a logical consequence is something that. Aligns with what they did. So, for example, if I have a student in my classroom that is not doing their work, they are playing during our work time. And, you know, I've given them reminders, I've redirected them. I've said, OK, you need to be, you know, you need get your work done and they're still playing. I might just let them continue to play during that time. And then at a later time when it's an actual playtime, we do, you know, we do brain breaks, we do. Sometimes we do something called free centers or even, you know, sometimes at recess. I'm not big on taking away recess, but sometimes you have to say, Listen, you were playing your entire time during your work time. I try to remind you three times you chose not to listen, you chose to play during your work time. So unfortunately, you're going to have to work during your playtime, but that's something that aligns with what they were doing. And then it kind of actually makes them correlate. OK, I'm going to learn from this. And next time that it's a work time, I'm not going to play. So that way, I don't have to do that instead of it just being a random thing that doesn't have anything to do with that. Actually, I love that because sometimes I think kids really don't. They find other things to do, right? So it's like you can take the cell phone, you can take the TV, you can take the toys, you can send them to their room, which I don't know if I ever talked about this before, but I hate sending to room punishments because I believe that everyone should have a safe place. And in my opinion, my bedroom at night is my safe place. It's where I go to relax and to decompress, and I feel like that's the same for Jackson. He should have his room to be his safe place and not not correlate that with a punishment like his bedroom should not be considered a punishment. Same thing for our dog. Like when I put her in her actual crate, then that is not a punishment that is her home. And so I love the idea of having logical consequences for something because I feel like you can very much understand logic as long as it's based off of the level that they can understand the logic. Same for adults, though I feel like you're way more learning of something is the consequence of your action is logical versus completely irrational. You know, for one example of something that I did with one of my students is they were walking down the hallway and they're just putting their feet literally on the wall. I told him three times, Okay, stop putting your feet on the wall. Now I'm like, OK. Oh, and then I try to say, Oh, look at this person, they're keeping their feet on the floor. They're doing such a good job and still continuing to put everything on. I mean, like three different times. And so a lot of people would just say, OK, you know, you have to have, you know, you have to like walk a lap at recess and lose some of your recess time. But for me, what I did is I was like, OK, you are going to have to go and wipe the hallway like the walls where you just put your feet all over the walls and your dirty. Not because that's not fair to our custodians. So that way, they can actually learn from it, right? If you have somebody throwing food in the cafeteria instead of taking away their recess, that just has nothing to do with what they did, make them wipe down. You know where they just messed up and maybe even more make them walk around with the custodian and see what the custodians actually have to do. I think then they can put themselves in other people's positions. They can have empathy towards other people and then see how did my actions affect other people other than just myself? One hundred percent. I love that whole idea, and I think that it's so important for us to be able to share those things because a lot of parents deal with the same stuff that we deal with every day, whether it be on a teacher level or on a parenting level and just really understanding how someone else is doing it and finding success in that. Because I have found success and I guess I do implement logical consequences at home as well and just didn't know that that's what it was called. I think that's great. I think that parents should definitely try to do that. I'm not saying that parents should. There's not a time and place where like, there's nothing that you can do. You've tried everything else that's still not working. You have to resort to just this harsh punishment and might not have anything to do with it. But I think that as long as you can try to implement that in your house, you definitely should and see where it gets you. I think too, whenever you do that and they can learn from it, it helps your relationship with them. And that's one of the biggest things that we talk about in education world is like, I don't want to do something that is this punishment that's going to hinder our relationship. And I feel like as a parent, you probably feel the same way. It's like, I'm not punishing you. So that way, you hate me. I'm not here to be your best friend, but you also still have to be able to trust me. You still have to like. Be able to come to me about things, and so I think that anything that you can do so that way, they can learn that way and not like messed up your relationship with them is nothing but great. So moving on from that, I had posted on my Instagram Stories about influencer pet peeves. And I thought it would be really fun to go through some of these and for me to answer them. And for Caroline to give her take as a non influencer. And I'm sure that plenty of you are going to give feedback on this. But let me just tell you, when I was reading through some of these, I felt personally victimized. And I just think it's so funny like some people probably do this. I would imagine some other girls do this and probably read them and take like much offense to this. I read this and literally think it's hysterical. So I just want everyone to know that I love that you put this on your story. And then it just literally was like, Everybody roast Lindsay. Like, It is a Lindsay roast fest and here and I am so excited to read through these. OK, so the first one that I am going to talk about is I can't say anything yet. Dot dot dot. You are the queen of this. OK, so I will say I am the queen of this. But sometimes I think that from my perspective and probably others, that I'm going to go ahead and speak for you, get excited about a project or you get excited about whatever it is that is happening and you're either under some type of contractual obligation to not be able to talk about it. But it's so prevalent in your current life and the things that are going on. Like, for example, when we went through the entire rebranding for coffee combos, it was so hard not to talk about it. It's so hard not to talk about some things that are going to be happening for this other A.. And you want them to know and you want people to know that things are coming, but like they can't know about it because you can actually are obligated like you're obligated to shut up. I get that. But sometimes we're like, Just wait to tell us until you can tell us the entire thing because it sucks. We're sitting here. We're like, Great, you have something to tell us, and when are you going to tell us, are you going to tell us when you're going to tell us, is there a deadline on this? Because we're just waiting? And it sucks. OK, this next one's on my personal favorite. I'm so excited about this. I'm their ads or sponsored posts for products that we know they do not use. And I love this one because I told you about this recently that somebody was talking about how they were on this intense diet and workout plan, like all the time and had been posting about that. And then all of a sudden started posting about a fast food chain that they were like, Oh, I'm so excited to eat all this fast food. I'm like, You liar, because you are literally on a diet. I know that you are getting paid for this and you are trying to bamboozle me and it's not going to work. OK, so I will say that in the beginning, I took on way more partnerships than I do now, and I do have a policy that I have to have the product first and have to have enough time to try it to see if I actually like the product. If I feel like there are results for me to do enough research on the products that I am promoting before I share them because I know whatever I'm sharing, if people are trusting me, I want them to be able to trust that it's something that is good. And I know one time actually shared a pair of leggings and a sports bra that I absolutely loved the product. Like, I still have it, and I got a couple of messages of people saying that like they ordered it, but never received the product and whatever. And I just want to be the first to say that if I ever get messages like that or someone says that they got a product and it didn't look like what I had promoted, I am the first person to send that to my management and to have them reach out to the company to say, like, this is not OK. It's only happened to me one time. And like I said, it was over a pair of leggings and a sports bra, and I absolutely love the product. So it was really upsetting to hear that people paid for something. They didn't get it. I think two of the people that sent me messages once I sent it to my. Management, they did end up getting it, but it was just a little bit frustrating, but I will say I don't promote things on my page that I don't use, and if I ever did promote something that I thought was a cool product, but it's not something that I was specifically using, I would say that I appreciate that about you. That's one reason why I've never got into the MLM world because like, imagine if I'm selling skin care and somebody has a break out and they come to me and I'm not a professional in that. I'm just selling it on my Instagram as a side hustle, as everybody likes to say as the boss babe. And I don't really know. And so I don't personally feel comfortable putting myself in that position as a non influencer. So I definitely wish that all influencers were that way. Because if you don't really, if you can't back the product, you shouldn't be trying, you should be capitalizing on it is the way we feel as non influencers. OK, that's something when you get on and say, Hi, I just wanted to pop on here and say, And this is you. This is me. Yes, I do do this. And now that I've seen it and influencer pet peeves so many times, I think a lot of people wrote in because I think a lot of people do it, but sometimes it's hard to like, know exactly what to say, and you are just kind of popping on there to share that. And so it would be a little weird if I had had nothing else in my story all day. And then just like randomly had that on there, like what would be a more natural transition to share that? And then sometimes I think what people don't understand about partnerships is that if there is a brand that I want to work with or a brand that wants to work with me. There is an approval process, so just like I would have an approval process of if I had a business, I wouldn't want someone out here talking about my product without that. Like story or post or whatever being vetted, and so every brand that I've ever worked with always requires to be able to send in what you are planning on sharing because they want to make sure that what you're saying is accurate. And so sometimes more recently, it hasn't been this way. I've been able to post like on the same day that I've recorded it, but sometimes it could be a week or two weeks before you're sharing it from when you recorded it. I never knew this. I'm mind blown right now because that is something that has always been a trigger for me. I'm like, OK, what happens is what I always saw is that you would get like, maybe dressed up one day. You like change outfits. You record all these ads for it just so that way you don't have to like, get dressed up the next day or something like that. And then it's like, OK, when did you record this? Because I know that this was not recorded. I thought that you were just saving content. So that way you wouldn't have content, not you specific, but everybody. So that way, you would be able to post about it, like throughout the week or whatever. I had no idea that there was an approval process. That's interesting. That is what somebody said was, they said, spending the first slide of any story trying to figure out what day of the week it is. OK. So I do think that I'm just really bad at the days of the week and not really knowing what's going on ever. But I think that sometimes people do overdo, like trying to be relatable on social media. I've seen this with several people that I've viewed their stories and it's like, OK, at this point, you have nothing to talk about. So now we're trying to figure out what day of the week it is. I will say that I have messed up on Instagram before and been like, Happy Sunday, but really, it's like Thursday. That is funny. I love that. OK, so I want to know the truth because everybody always says this. And are you just saying this or is it really true whenever you say, I'm getting so many questions about fill in the blank? Are you really getting so many questions about it or did you just want to share about it? And you're just saying that you're getting so many idioms about it? Or are you really getting that many questions about it? OK, so I don't know about other people's DMs because I'm not in them, but I could show you my DMs right now, and I probably got no less than. I would probably say like a hundred and five or 110 messages just asking me about my eyeshadow, my lashes and I specific like outfit that I was wearing within the past two days, like a little outfit said it was like barefoot dreams. And then my hoodies, I always get questions about like various different hoodies. And so I've never used that is like a spiel to talk about an ad or anything like that. But I have said I get so many questions about it because I legitimately do get so many questions about it. And I truly wish that people would. I have started trying to link more stuff because I feel like it's easier to just link it than to deal with responding back to all of the messages you get about the same thing. So if people would just follow the links, they would know exactly where it came from, and that's why it is linked. I also would say, as somebody who is not an influencer, you know, that follows influencers. If you could highlight things that would make it easier because sometimes whenever you're going through and it's like, Oh, I love this and you can't save a story, you can save a post, but you can't save a story. But if you then go save it to your highlights, it's so much easier for us to go back and find it. So that is good. This one has been so many people have said this, and I don't agree because I also use them. And so I just wanted to share it because there have been so many people that have slid into this question box about it. But using the filters on your story and using too many of them. OK, so I think more recently, I've been using the filter, not filter, because it looks like the most natural, not filter. However, this is a topic that I feel like is very relatable to all of us, whether you are. And and I also hate the word influencer. Can we just talk about that because we all influence people, no matter how many people it is on a daily basis. So everyone's an influencer and their life, to some degree, some people just do it for a job, and some people are just out here influencing on the daily. Like, that's just it. I hate that word. But back to what was the question that, oh, the filters. So I actually have been having like an internal struggle with this lately because I feel like because filters are there, we use them. And I didn't start using filters until I felt the pressure of other people using filters and feeling like, OK, they're out here using filters and looking absolutely amazing and flawless. And I have blemishes and these people are going to think that I'm ugly because I'm on here not using a filter. And I actually know someone who said that they stopped using filters, I think a year ago and have been filter free for a year and how much their mental health has really just been less impacted because of them not using a filter because they don't have as much unrealistic expectations on themselves, because they look at themselves in the mirror and they see themselves on a filter and they're like, OK, but this is actually what I look like. And so it's just a constant battle within yourself. And so, I mean, I don't know if I am comfortable enough to say I'm not going to use filters anymore, but I will say that I will be more diligent about using filters when it comes to things like skin care or if it's changing the color of clothing items that I'm sharing or anything like that. I can promise to be more diligent about that because I do think it's important that if you're sharing like a makeup product or skincare or something, it's important for people to be able to see, OK, well, this is why her skin actually looks like like, you're basically false advertising if you're putting a filter on top of something, because then someone's going to be like, Oh, my skin is going to look like that. I think we're diving into this like big societal problem right now. And I think that even the pressures that you feel are pressures that everybody feels and it doesn't matter how many followers you have, I'm I'm not saying every single person, but I would say the majority of people, especially females on Instagram, feel that same kind of pressure where it's like, I can post this, but I'm going to then be compared to all of these other people who do have filters. And so you're already comparing yourself to them and then you're putting your. Yourself in a vulnerable position to be compared by everybody else, that follows you. And so I think that even as somebody without a big Instagram following that, I feel the exact same kind of pressure. And you know, I think that sometimes too, that you see whenever you're scrolling on Instagram, you see that yes, people are like, Oh, we don't want filters, but then you see these filtered photos and these photoshopped photos that are getting all sorts of praise on Instagram. And it's like, OK, you say that you don't like the filters, but you sure are commenting, you know, on all these photos and liking all these photos that are so filtered and it and it makes you feel, you know, self-conscious. So actually part of and I've talked about this before that I don't love New Year's resolutions one just because I don't stick to them. I'm more of a goal setter and I like to implement things into my life that. Can change by as far as setting like a resolution. I don't do that. But one thing that I did talk to myself about going into the new year was to post photos that are less filtered and showing you guys the real deal because I think also people sometimes think that something has a filter on it when it could just be like really great lighting because I have posted stuff like that to that's like very minimally edited. And people wouldn't even know it. It's more about the lighting. And so I think that you're right, we live in a society that wants to talk about, you know, you should be yourself and you should embrace, you know, your true beauty and all of this stuff. But then yet you go on certain people's pages and it's like they've got all of these likes and comments talking about how beautiful they are. And it's the most edited, filtered like a filter on top of a filter on top of a filter. But if someone posted like a stripped down whatever, it's not going to have the same amount of praise and it's just really sad. Yeah, I think that that is not even an influencer problem. I think that is just a big society problem in general and not that we can solve it, but I definitely think that I think it will get better. I really do. I think that right now it is a filter heavy world. But I do think that the majority of people see through that, and I think that the majority of people don't necessarily want that. But it will just take. I think it's just going to take time and it's going to get better. OK, so the other thing that people ask that you do all the time are giveaways and people are like, OK, do you choose the person who gets the giveaway? It's like, I never win this giveaway. I'm dyin entering giveaways because I'd never win them. How? How do you guys choose who actually wins to give away? OK, so I have not done a big group giveaway in a very long time. Like I could not even tell you the last time I did a big group giveaway. It's probably being close to a year. I do giveaways just on my personal page, and it's my money, so I'm not partnering with anyone. It's literally for my followers. I'm not trying to gain other followers through the giveaway because what I noticed was people were entering these giveaways, but then not coming to your page for the right reason. And I really have a desire to truly foster my community of what I have built and what wants to stay and hang out with me on a daily basis. And so I had just made a decision almost a year ago that if I did do a big giveaway, it would be with girls that were like myself and true personal friends that are, I guess, in the influencer world and not partnering with people that I don't really know because they have, you know, equal following bigger following than me, whatever. But I do the giveaways just for my own followers and from the little emoji slider bars. That's how my assistant picks the people, and it's completely by random. And then she's checking to make sure that everybody is followed whatever the steps are. So if it's like common and like, she's checking to make sure that you've commented and liked and then slid the emoji slider bar, it can't get much easier than that. There are just so many people that do enter them. So again, it's purely at random. I have heard before, though, and it was more like a scandal type thing that groups of girls influencer girls would basically like. I don't know if I'm even using the right word, but like higher or influence to get them to be the winner. And they weren't really sending the GIFs, and I actually noticed it because I was in a giveaway. And I'm going to say, who's giveaway it was? But I was in a giveaway one time, and the person that was picked was the same person that was picked from a giveaway that I had done prior with that same girl. And so it was like, no, like, I don't feel comfortable with this, like I gave my own money for this. I feel like the person should be selected at random and there is no possible way that this same person was selected at random to different times on two different giveaways that I was in with this specific girl. So I called it out and the winner was changed. But I do know that that kind of stuff does happen, and it is truly unfortunate because there's bad in every business, right? Like, there's fraud in every business. There's people who do the wrong things, who who don't do business right, and then there's people who truly do. And it's sad that an entire community of people can get a bad name for something when it's only like a select few people who do it. That sucks because I will say that as somebody who sees giveaways and all that, I don't I don't ever enter giveaways. I'm like, I'm not going to win anyway. So that is the way I feel about it. But that a lot of times too, I feel like it's like you have to follow 10 people to enter this giveaway. It's like, OK, I just know you guys are just trying to get more followers. And at least that's what it seems like to all of us. And so it's like, OK, obviously you're giving us money because it benefits you because you're getting more followers from it. So I understand that. But to just totally do that and then scam people is awful, and I can't believe that that is a thing. OK, so the next thing is it's just been in general just being fake and not showing your real life. And it's like my whole life is perfect and my house is always perfectly clean, something that I feel like, you know, I didn't really realize until the last couple of years or so was that the majority of the like big influencers have assistants or multiple assistants. And if that's not something that you realize, you're like, Oh my God, how how do they do all of these things that they do? And it's always so perfect and their house is so perfect and their kids always like perfect. And how do they keep up? Like, how do they juggle it all? And it makes you feel awful about yourself? I think that is something that I do love about you is you're like, I have an assistant and you own it. You don't try to hide that. And I don't feel like all influencers are the same without where they do try to put on this like fake front that makes everybody else feel like that. They are not as perfect as them. And a lot of people have been talking about that how it's just it's not relatable. So, you know, I didn't have an assistant for the longest time, and I hired one earlier in the year, and that ended up just not working out for various different reasons. But the assistant that is currently working with me is literally a godsend. She's made my life so much easier and I will say. I probably still wouldn't have an assistant and still would just like, struggle to get everything done on my own because I I do like having control and being in communication with everybody, knowing everything that's going on. Like all of that. But now that I am a single mom of one, it's it's hard for me because I don't have family that lives close. And so trying to juggle single parenthood, trying to run multiple different businesses and then also keep my house it. You guys know anything about the building process right now with COVID. It has been literally so hellacious I would advise no one moving, building, doing nothing, staying exactly right where you are until the situation gets itself figured out. Because I have lived in a total hell as far as my house is concerned and getting things done since July, since I moved in. And so that's been really hard. So I have a lot of different things to juggle and having an extra pair of hands is really nice. And to be honest, I wouldn't have the time to send people links that are sending me messages, you know, asking like, Where did you get this? Where did you get that if it wasn't for her? And so I don't feel that there needs to be a reason to be fake on there. We're all human beings. We all, you know, do different jobs. We all come from different walks of life, whatever. But I don't need to get on there and display something that is just like, wildly false and also. I feel like it is almost my responsibility, and I struggle with this a little bit that for the longest time when I wasn't sharing and being open and candid about so many different parts of my life, I carried that so heavily because I do feel like it's my job to show up and to be honest about those things, and there are things that I can keep to myself that I don't have to share until I'm comfortable with sharing. But also, I do feel almost an obligation to share things that I know. If it would at least help one person, I should feel the nudge to share because I'm choosing to do this as a career. That, to me is like, so like one of the biggest things that, like whenever I'm following influencers, that is one of the biggest things that I look for is like, Can you be authentic? And obviously, like even as somebody who's doesn't have the big Instagram following all that, you don't want to just like blast everything that's wrong with your life. We all try to present our best self on social media. So I will say, like I, I get that and influencers who do that, I, I totally understand that. Of course you. Your house is a mess. I don't post on my social media. Some people, I'm sure, do. So I mean, like I can only like, I do empathize a little bit because it's like you have all these people that are following you and judging you and you. They don't know you. And so it is a vulnerable position, but also that is your job. And so I feel like the majority of people on Instagram want to see the real side of people and want it to be relatable. We don't want to see where it's like, here is this link to something that the average person cannot afford. And that is that's also something that we see a lot. It's like I'm born on a teacher budget and you are linking to this $400 shirt, never going to buy that in. The majority of people can not do that. So I think that, you know, keeping it relatable is the best way to be. I know it's probably hard, though, so I also try to for a long time, I never even shared product links for anything, you know, unless it was a company that I was partnering with. I never shared product links because I'd never wanted anybody and still feel this way like I never want anyone to feel pressured to purchase from any of my links I'm providing as a resource because I do get a ton of messages about things that I post and sometimes things that I don't even post. I'm just on my story wearing a sweatshirt that was from three seasons ago that someone's asking me for a link for it. And so I do think that it is important to. I always say, like, be able to read the room, but know your audience, and if your audience, you're not talking to the majority of people who can afford a $400 sweater, you shouldn't be promoting a $400 sweater. And so I can personally say I'm not out here buying $400 sweaters. I try to be very mindful when I'm purchasing things. I'm definitely a type of purchaser that I purchase neutrals and I try to purchase things that I can wear and mix match with other outfits, and I will probably buy a good quality of something. But it's because I wear it a lot and that's just how that's just how I live, but I can totally understand why. Why would you want to be tapping on people's links that are sending you to four and five hundred dollar links when that's what some people are making in a week? You know, like, that's just not that's not doable. And so I love hearing that type of feedback. And with that said, I would love for you guys when we post on the Southern Tea Instagram this week to let me know like what is your budget like if you are shopping on Instagram and you are shopping someone's link? What is it that you're shopping for and how much are you spending like, are you in a $10 range? Are you on a $20 range? Is $100 your max like, what does that look like? Because I think that that does help when I'm looking for items like I might buy something that I can have my assistant find something that looks comparable for a cheaper price. And it might not be the brand that I have, but it could be something that is comparable. But again, I need to know how to read the room and know my audience. That is a good point, because I guess from the other side of it is we don't really think, OK. Too, honestly, whenever people are posting all these things that the majority of the people cannot afford, it comes off as bragging a little bit like, Oh, this is what I have missed, but I can afford. And it's like, OK, that's not that's not helpful to us at all. But, you know, now that you and I are sitting here talking, it's like you are posting those to help your followers. So if you don't really know what everybody is comfortable with spending regularly, then how are you supposed to know? Obviously, you know, not the majority people are spending $400 on a shirt. But people do have different budgets. And what is the what are the majority of people out there looking for? I will say that it obviously depends on what you're posting. Is it clothes is furniture, I think, you know, and really to provide options because like, I'm one of those people where it's like, maybe with furniture, like a piece of furniture. If you are going to post that, if that's something that I want to invest in, I might not want the cheap version of it, but somebody else might feel different about it. So maybe like a couple of different options would be good. So that way you are helping your broad range. You're not going to be able to please everybody for sure. And the whole point in doing this because we have tons more, but we are out of time for today and we can we can pick up kind of where we left off next week. But if you guys like this, but I think the whole point is to just have open conversation and to know that any of my pages are or should be safe places, and I want to provide content to you guys that you resonate that resonates with you and that you're able to shop, you know, links or you can use me as a resource for whatever today. For example, I posted Lululemon stuff, but it's because I went and shopped at Lululemon and got stuff. And I will tell you, I do spend a lot of money at Lululemon. It is a hobby of mine. It's a habit of mine, but I wear the stuff multiple times a week, so I feel OK with that. And then also, I just love having these types of conversations because it allows me to know how other people are feeling about things, you know, like, I'm on there just living my life, and some people might view something totally different than the way that I view it. And that's totally OK. But I'm going to end this episode that my house is a disaster right now, and I have spent multiple days taking trips to target buying various different bins to fit stuffed animals. I have clothes everywhere because I'm going through closets, and I am definitely the type of person that when I start purging things, it becomes way bigger of a mess before it becomes cleaner. And that's OK. And my dinner tonight is coming out of a freezer bag where I had made spaghetti two weeks ago and I froze half of the spaghetti sauce and we are going to have leftovers for dinner, and that's OK. And I have a ton of laundry to do, and I have a little boy that I have to spend time with that. I choose to spend all of my time with him, and that's why we're having spaghetti from a freezer bag, you know, and those are just choices that. I can now make I feel like four for Jackson and I, and it feels it feels good to make and also feels good to be able to share these things and to be able to really have these conversations. And I love being able to have a conversation with someone that's outside of the influencer world that sees things from a completely different perspective. But we're not off far on perspective. It's just you're not doing what I'm doing as a job. And I think that that's very interesting and there's a lot of insight there. So if you guys have not followed us on this other A. podcast on Instagram, make sure you follow us over there. And if you have not subscribed to the show, you can do that by searching the Purple Podcast app. Typing in the southern tea. Click Subscribe, click the That star and leave us a written review, and I think we are also on Spotify and a couple of other podcast apps. I'll get the list and make sure I post that on our Instagram too. I hope you guys have a great week and we'll talk to you soon.

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