Transcript
Well, well, well, hello, Lauren. Today we're chatting greetings once again, I'm only hearing Lauren's voice for maybe the first time in weeks months. We haven't really been talking as much. It's taken a toll on us, but we've come together today because we have the one and only amber filler up on the podcast. Yes. Can't believe we got here. We are very, very lucky that she agreed to do it. It was super nice of her. I am. I was so excited to chat with her because I just feel like she's one of the few people I follow who is consistently just so I don't know. Like, just positive. She really is. Like, I said this to her on the episode, but she really is just like a light, you know? And so it was it was just fun to hear her basically her like life tips and all about her. Yeah, she is like a wealth of knowledge, and we got into talking about her outlook, some of her wisdom. We talk about day, we talk about marriage advice. We talk about, you know, her kids kind of like a wide range of stuff. So it's a really good tip. Yeah, I feel like, you know, it's funny. She kind of talks about Mormonism for a second. And we had kind of made a conscious decision to not really broach that. Mm-Hmm. I feel like it just seems kind of, I don't know. It just seems kind of I don't want to seem. I think I think we don't I don't know. I don't know if we have the relationship with her to, like, totally talk about that. And I just wasn't expecting that. I also like, just don't necessarily think it's like the most interesting thing about anyone. Like, I'm more interested in other things. And it almost just felt like the the the thing to talk about from a PR perspective to, like, get the most hype and intrigue. And it just isn't like that wasn't what I was trying to do. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, I think so. I mean, to be honest, I just like really, I respect her and also we just we aren't super close to her or anything. So I just didn't know that. I didn't think that our podcast be the place where she maybe wanted to talk about it. Yeah. And I also don't want this podcast to turn into like a Post Mormon podcast, but it was interesting how she actually like basically at the top of that episode chatted about that briefly. So, so that was interesting to hear about her perspective in, you know, needing to be open about where she's exactly at in her life. And yeah, it was such a fun interview. Chan, I have so much to tell you about as far as my past couple of days. I had a hell of a week and I have not shared this yet. I know we talk barely even sisters anymore. I know it's so dark. We talked to the patron about Chandler's trip recap to Puerto Rico, my trip recap to South Africa, including my safari. So if you're interested in that, you can check out the patron here about our trips. I also went on another kind of trip, which was interesting. So yeah, definitely want to check that out. And then another thing we wanted to address a little bit housekeeping is the giveaway. So we, I think because of my schedule, have just been a little bit disorganized and we did not really mention the giveaway, I think, on an episode or two this month. So we're excited. I forgot during the the Ben episode. All good. So we're going to give you guys an extra week to enter. So the giveaway will end on, let's just say, March 8th of two, a full week in March. The giveaway ends on March 8th. So to enter the giveaway to win a walking pad. Chan, what do you do? What do you do? Great question, Lauren. To enter the giveaway, you have to post about our podcast on your story or on your grid. If you're if you're willing to do a grid post, that would be incredible if you're willing to do multiple permanent grid posts about our podcast. Wow. Hats off to you. You will only receive one entry, but still, wowsers. So what you need to do is post about us in some fashion, and the critical thing is that you need to include a link to our episodes, a link to Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts from. It's very easy. You can just, you know, share episode or whatever, and anyone can use the link, you know, story feature. So you just drop that in their link to maybe your favorite episode. That's a critical part. And then another critical part is that you need to we need to respond to you and say that you've been entered. Yes. So make sure that you keep spamming us or, you know, hit bump or whatever if we haven't responded to you. And another note is that the story needs to be up for 24 hours. Yeah, I mean, I've done the thing before where I've I've posted something and then immediately taken it down and basically it's not going to fly here. Wow, you I. I absolutely love how draconian you are that these rules were basically just trying to. Encourage people to share the podcast and do what they already would have done, so with that said, we do ask that you don't write in the we don't we ask that you don't say, Oh, this is part of a giveaway because it kind of invalidates the recommendation and hopefully it's a recommendation you wanted to give anyway and that you do authentically love the pod. So I add, I think that also makes people look less thirsty. You know, I don't really like I think like it's a Win-Win for both of us, we look less thirsty. You look less thirsty. You're welcome. Exactly. We can. We can be parched in silence together. So, yes, so post about the on your stories, recommending it to your friends with a link they can easily click. And that is how you enter. And, you know, tag us so we see it, and then we will respond. And if we have responded, please, like you said, send a little message and make sure that we do so that you're in. Yeah. And I will tell you, Holly, welcome to spam us until we respond. Yeah, I mean, I think we I've only had 50 entries so far. So I mean, it's not like that zombie movie that try to win this thing. And to reiterate Lauren's note, if you've already bought a walking pad, you will get reimbursed by us if you win. Yes, you'll get reimbursed by us. So it's a win win. Whether you are already walking or not. OK. That said, housekeeping out of the way, anything else you want to get into? Was that a was that a yes? Oh, sorry, that was a that was a gotcha. Gotcha. All right. Well, Chandler's done speaking for this intro, so I am done speaking. Thank you. We will cut to our interview with the one and only Amber Feller. Well, well, well, Chandler and I are losing our minds, Chandler, you have taken a beta blockers submitted because they is a huge, momentous day for pop apologists. We are having none other than amber filler up on the show. Amber, thank you so much for being here. Oh my gosh. Thank you for having me. I'm so excited. I was just telling them that I love their podcast because I feel like you guys truly are so witty and fun to listen until I was like, I don't know if I'm witty enough to be on here, but nonetheless, it is an honor. Well, absolutely. You definitely are. I feel like so I have to tell you, I feel like just following you and watching your life. I have so many questions for you, and initially I kind of swindled you into this as like, Oh, let's talk about Real Housewives of Salt Lake City. I want your take. And then when you're like, Oh yeah, come on. I'm like, Actually, I really just want to talk about her. So I hope it's OK because I'm dying to do like a full Q&A on you and your life. Yeah, I don't know. Ask who I am. OK, amazing. Because I have to tell you just following you like you're such a light and you're so positive and you're such an enthusiastic mom and you're such a successful businesswoman. And there's such like a goodness there. And so I'm very inspired by you, I have to tell you. I would just also, can I say that I'm inspired by your hotness? Is that OK to say yes? You can say that again and again and again. I will allow it. We are talking to the world's hottest pregnant woman. That's the thickens in Wikipedia. I am dead because I feel so not hot today. But thank you. Awesome. Shocking. OK, go ahead, Jen. Go ahead. I was just to say that is shocking because when you initially went on camera, like, that's the moment that I got starstruck. I literally like, started blushing because you're so beautiful. We love you and you're so nice. It is OK. But Amber, I remember back in the day, I remember following you when I lived in Provo, you were barefoot blonde. You had a blog. And so I would love at the beginning if we could kind of take this way back because I'm super curious. Now in twenty twenty two, it's so easy to be like, Oh, content creation, you know, influencer. That's a super lucrative professional career path people can take and be really successful in. But I remember back in the day when you had a blog and I think those before you moved to New York and I'm very curious about like your journey in terms of turning this, turning your blog into this full fledged like full on super lucrative career. And sorry to kind of dive headfirst, but I just right off the bat. I'm curious when you realized that your blog and you know, the content you were creating could be an actual, like, very serious moneymaking venture. Yeah. Like, it's funny because I feel like I've been doing influencer type stuff my whole life like like creating content like I would take my sisters out to like these random locations, dress them up, do their hair, set up self-timer and like, we would take these pictures. We had nowhere to post them. But like, I just genuinely enjoyed the process of like my dream job would have been designing or I guess, like storyboarding photoshoots and kind of like being a part of like the entire thing, like selecting wardrobe and styling the hair, all of that. So I was doing that like all through high school, just with my sisters and friends and whatnot. So to me, that's kind of what the blog was like. I would just style my hair, share it. And then that led to like people asking like, Well, where did you get that shirt? And then I would talk about where I got my clothes, like, everything happens so naturally. But I think when I signed with my agency, like up until that point, I didn't know like the true value of what I had going. So once I signed with my management and then I got my first deal where I was like, Whoa, like, I had no idea I could charge that. That's crazy. Mm. And do you remember like deals before then where you probably charged like way low way lower than what you deserved, but you just didn't know that you could command like a much larger fee? Yeah, and I think also in the beginning, like a lot of influencers nowadays, forget that to work up to charging a lot, there's a lot of doing like free work and just like building relationships. So I honestly didn't mind like I never minded working for brands for free. I mean, obviously you have to set limits on that. Like at the time, I just looked at it like, I'm getting experience, I'm making these connections. I'm I don't know, like I just looked at it all is like experience. And like also being able to like build my portfolio of like I've worked with these brands and like, that's really valuable. Right, right. So I think nowadays, like especially since now I'm on like the brand side working with influencers and I got the influencer side as well. I think a lot of smaller influencers are like so hesitant to do work for free. But like, it's not that big of a deal like you're there is benefit out of it. It's not like totally free and you shouldn't let brands take advantage of you. But like that is a huge part of building up to something greater, you know? Yeah, for sure. Just getting like being able to show data that you've been able to like Move X amount of product and even just having that in your, I guess, like in your arsenal or in your portfolio, that you've worked with some certain brands. So yeah, that makes sense. But yeah, it's just it's so Chan. I just have to tell you, I woke up in the middle of the night last night with a little bit of anxiety. I had half an early bird gummy and I swear to you within 30 minutes, I was peacefully dozing off. Early bird CBD gummies are magic. They're truly magic. They are literally magic. I don't want to travel without them. I don't want to be without them. I think it's the twelve point five milligrams of CBD, two point five milligrams of THC. It's that little c**ktail. It gives you the warmest Julius fuzzy best feeling. It feels so good. It's so light. Also, one bottle last so long, it's a lot of product. Also, I feel like I prefer it to drinking at this point. Absolutely. You guys go to Earlybird CBD dot com use code pop apologists 20 for 20 percent off your order. You will not regret it. Earlybird CBD Icon Use Code Pop Apologist 20 Cool. And like my other question for you, right out of the gate in Chandler, I don't mean to dominate. That's generally what I know. It's great. I kind of take over, so feel free to older sister vibes. OK, yeah. But I'm curious, do you still like doing it? Because like, obviously this is something that you didn't plan, but then you became wildly successful. One of the first movers, a total star and then kind of like. So on some level, it wasn't necessarily a career you specifically set out to do kind of naturally happened organically. So do you still love doing it? It's my question. Yeah, so there were a couple of years there where I feel like. I don't know, it was like those years in between, I would say I'm trying to think like how old I would have been. It was probably like 2000, 18 and 19 where I really thought, like, I don't know if I can do this anymore. Like, I wonder if I should just I knew I was going to start day, but I was like, I wonder if I should just start that and just not do influencer stuff at all. So I did have a period where I didn't know if I should keep doing this or not. But I think because I started out like Mormon, got married in the temple, documented all of that. And like, I just grew up so much over that decade and evolved so much politically religiously. My mental state is like how I look at the world. Like, everything about me had changed and it, especially those years leading up to like twenty, eighteen or nineteen. I'm so I have a I had a period there where I was like, I feel like I'm expected to be one way. And that's not who I am. And so I think being able to just like share where I'm with the church here is like, I'm not going to like, it's not that I was even pretending to wear garments or anything, but I just felt like people. I was still getting those comments like, Well, where's your garments? And I'm like, Oh no, we're on like a totally different page. Like, I don't I fully don't wear that. Like, yeah, right? It's not like I'm even trying to, like, pretend that I wear them, like, I just hadn't said that out loud. So I think being able to say that out loud, like especially for a lot of like OG followers who maybe were just like in the dark, a little bit like if she isn't she like, it just felt good to be able to say it. And I feel like that, like sparked my passion for like everything again because I felt like I could finally just be who I am again. If I don't know if that sounds so cheesy. But no, I mean, I'm sure that there was like, I'm sure there was the temptation to like, start over, I guess. I mean, like, all these people had followed you for so long and had known you as this, you know, younger version of yourself or just different version of yourself. And then you evolved naturally. And you know, and I'm sure like, I guess it would be tempting for me to just want to like start fresh. But I think, like, it's really brave to have, you know, kind of been super open to those people. And then, you know, maybe some people unfollowed or whatever, but I personally really love your like unfollow mentality. And I think that like Lauryn and I don't know, I can definitely be sometimes a hit to the ego. But if you do see it as like, OK, if this isn't your place, that's great. It's actually like a gift to me. So. Totally. Like, once I started to see it like that, I'm like, I don't care if I have. Because at the end of the day, having like a million followers means nothing if half of those aren't true supporters. So I would rather lose half my following and have them actually be true supporters and also just not have to deal with the people who hate to follow just for their own. I don't mean I don't know what someone gets out of that, but whatever they get out of that. Do you feel like. So obviously, you're very authentic with who you are, and I think I did do this one point because you post something, I think a hater I'd written in. And you know, I was, I think I said something like, you know, anyone who follows, you can tell you can can see what, what a good person you are. But I'm curious, and maybe this is an easy question, but do you still do you feel like you filtered down to your tribe of followers and people who really get it and are with you? Or do you like do you still every time you post, get the negativity? I mean, the almost anything I post on get something negative, like truly anything, like even something about like my cat. You know what I mean? Like, I think people just can't help themselves. And like, I have gotten good at like sorting the negativity into like buckets like, OK, that's something I should actually like, take to heart because I have gotten a lot of really helpful criticism. Like, that's a big reason why I've kind of grown up over the years is because people have been brave enough to call me out like, Oh, you can't say that or like. That's not how I don't know, just calling me out for like I was very naive and grew up in a bubble, so it was really nice to hear all these different viewpoints from people who are of different religions and backgrounds and. Really, a. Appreciate everything. And I think I'm good at recognizing that, like this is something like I could actually improve on versus this person just cannot help themselves and just needs to give me feedback and like whatever, ignore. And then like people who are just truly miserable and like, want to hurt me and like those I just completely disregard. Right, right. That makes sense. I mean, it's so funny because Chandler and I still just, you know, it's about two years into this podcast and even one negative review. It'll be like a full day spiral. It'll be like, we get some. Yeah, it's really not healthy. I feel like we almost I mean, we're working on it. We're just also like so new and like. I think our egos are still pretty fragile, but we kind of go through, I would say, like a cycle of grief. First, we're just like, screw that person and then we're like, and then we kind of like, have a moment where like, it's fine. It's just, this is what it is. This is the business. And then like, four hours later, we'll text the other person and just be like, I'm just like, I still can't believe they said that. Like, why do they say that? Like, why do they say that anyway? One question I have for you and well, someone wrote, wrote it in. And I'm curious, too, is when were you able to to? And maybe you're not. Maybe you're still, you know, maybe it's still tough, but it sounds like you really don't care on some level like you're you're very self-actualized with that, any sort of criticism or or you're really easy to put it in its proper context. And was that just like a like a exposure therapy, like just having to deal with so much of it, you just get used to it? Or how like, how did that happen? How did you get to where you are? Yeah, definitely exposure therapy, for sure. But also, like in the very early days, I would say like. I mean, because I didn't have a following, so I didn't have like followers or supporters. I would say like 90 percent of the people who followed it was out of this like like cringy. Like, what is she doing? It was mostly just so foreign to people that I would say most of it was hate. At that time. Right? To me, it was just my hobby. So I'm like, Well, I'm not critiquing your hobby. Like, I don't know. I just didn't care because I loved it so much. So I think. Being able to work through hate is a testament to how much you actually love something and are willing to like, keep going it, like working through it. And I genuinely just like love doing here. I love creating content, so I just don't care if everyone hated it, like, I'm going to do it anyway. Yeah. So that but also like, I don't know if you've read the book by, is it? Well, then I think the Lululemon guy and he was talking about like how? People hating Lululemon was so good for the brand, because you have to have like these polarizing opinions in order for people to love you and you don't want just like a bunch of people who are neutral about you. You'd rather have totally like hate you and then have a big group of people who love you. So I'm kind of fine with the hate because I'm like, whatever. I have a group of people who have my back, they support me, they get me. And like the rest of you are just, I mean, it's fine. It just is what it is. Well, and like, you have a point of view, like, that's what I think is so interesting. Like, I think there there's a lot of like boring content out there like Lauren and I are constantly trying to make sure that, like, the podcast isn't boring and I think that we like, we need to make sure that we have a point of view. And I think you do an excellent job of having a point of view. But then that also comes with like hate and people who are not going to agree. Yeah. And I definitely have to make sure before I share a point of view, like, am I in the headspace to deal with feedback like because I'll get it regardless? So it's like. Am I OK, like dealing with that today, and sometimes the answer is no, and I'll just like delete something or not post it, but yeah, it definitely like it can. It's not even that like it weighs on me from my gut, hurts my ego. It's more just like annoying and like annoys me. And then the annoyance like, puts a damper on my day. Yeah. Well, and you know, kind of speaking of criticism, speaking of letting other people put a damper on your day. I know that you made the decision to take your kids off, really, so your social media and to stop posting pictures of them, you still incorporate them and you're like, strange, like you don't see them anymore on your social. That because they're such a part of your life and we see there's cute snacks which are actually should be award winning. And that's like a whole other topic I want to get to. But, you know, they still feel kind of omnipresent. But anyway, I think people are very curious about you making the decision to not post them anymore and how that's going. Yeah, I was definitely nervous. I knew I obviously deserved to be able to set that boundary for myself, but at the same time, there are so many people who have followed my entire kids journey, their entire journey and have really been there to, like, support me through my motherhood journey. And so in a way, I kind of felt bad like taking that. I guess, even though I knew I deserved, I was I'm able to do that and they would respect it. But I was a little nervous, but I just I wanted to switch to like sharing motherhood through my lens and not theirs. Mm hmm. And at first, I tried to do it just quietly. But then I people kept asking about it. And so finally, I was like, I made the switch. And there's a lot of reasons why I like some of them. I don't even want to say because I don't want like Barbra Streisand, Streisand effect to like, draw attention to these things, but like, OK, yeah, I am. But like one big one is like, I would be around people and like Frankie would cry or something, and they'd be like, Oh my gosh, like she cries out and she's always so happy. I'm like, Well, duh. I mean, my kids are normal case that show human emotion. And I felt like they were just being held to these unrealistic standards. Mm-Hmm. That just wasn't fair to them. And so especially with them, like going into school and making friends, I didn't want them to, like, be put in situations where they do something completely normal. But people look at it as like, Oh, what? Like, you're? That's not how we see you. You know what I mean, right? Right. I didn't want to like, build these like perceptions of them on the internet. I just didn't think that was fair to them, especially since they're really becoming like their own people now. So, yeah, that was like a big reason. Yeah. And I feel like it's just so interesting because I just feel like it would be so hard, though at the same time, because don't I mean, how many times do you have the cutest photo or the cutest video and you're like, I like, I made this policy and now I can share it. Or do you like does it? Not even Fazio? I mean, like God, I thought it would. And now it's weird. Like I I have a close friends like I share. I still share some stuff with close friends, so I feel like I still feel like I'm sharing it with people like my friends and family. But I weirdly don't feel that at all. Like I fully went into it being like, if I lose all my followers, my engagement goes down like, I don't care at this point, like. Their privacy is everything to me right now, so I kind of just went into it fully knowing like it was going to be so different for me, like how I go through content, shoot content, but I was like really prepared for all of that. Yeah. And the oh, go ahead. My engagement has been like higher than ever, which is and I I didn't know this until I had talked about not showing the kids, but a lot of people actually messaged me and started to say like, Oh good, I can follow you again. Like, I think a lot of people are actually unfollowing mommy bloggers because they don't agree with what that like stands for any more interesting. Yeah, like, I think we're all just becoming so much more aware of. Privacy and why it is so important, and like I think, I genuinely think every mom on the internet knows what's best. I would never judge another mom for showing her kids. Obviously, I literally just stopped. So I'm not in any place too anyway, but I think we're all just like learning more about it. And like in the beginning, it was so new. And now it's like, Well, it's not. It's not so new anymore. Like, we know more. And yeah, totally. Just like being a little bit more judicious with it, you know, and selective. Yeah. I feel like though, like your your presence is still like grounded a lot in motherhood and the things you do for your. Even if you weren't. Well, it makes me very excited to be a mom because, like, I don't know, there's just so much joy and fun in it. And so I would love to hear like how you find like where you find that the joy or like, what are your like, what's your outlook on that and why you have such a good, joyful mentality about it? So not to be like so heavy or anything, but like I was not fully like depressed, like looking back and like, Oh my gosh, that's so sad to think about. Like how like in what a dark place I was in. But like, truly, the thing I kept thinking about is like, OK, whenever I'm like, sad and depressed right now, but like, I'm going to be the funnest mom. Like, I would journal all the things I wanted to do with my kids and like the type of mom I wanted to be. It was, I guess, like manifesting back then is like a little teenager. So it was just something I always looked forward to and like truly got me through, like the hellish years of being like an awkward teenager and whatnot. So I feel like now that I'm here, I'm just like, Holy crap, like, this is literally what I looked forward to my entire life and like, this is like I'm actually living what I dreamt about. So I feel like I just like generally energizes me and makes me so excited about the whole experience. I mean, I don't know. It's just go ahead. That is such a magical like story. I feel like, you know, being in an emotional or maybe depressed teen like usually like leads to just like some like angsty journaling about like music or boys. But like, that's just so sweet that it was actually about like, you know, your future of being a mom. So that's really wonderful. Yeah. Like, I loved babysitting and like pretending to be mom with like the kids I would babysit, like they trusted me as like a 15 16 year olds like watch their kids for like five days at a time. So I would be like taking them to school and like having them do homework. And I just thought the whole thing was so freaking fun, like doing all the little mom things. So I don't know. I just like, always looked forward to this phase of life, so I still am like, Holy crap, like this is it? OK? Speaking of all the little mom things, one thing I love that you shared was that your mom would always have snacks for you guys. And like, I'm very into being nurturing and like being like a really good partner in that way. Like, I love to cook, I love to be very maternal and nurturing, even though I'm not a mom yet. And so I just love the snacks like I go crazy for your for the like the fruit works of art, and it's something I genuinely look forward to whenever you share it. And so anyway, I am very, very curious about the the snack art that is created for your kids. Like like what? How long it usually takes and how often you do it. And like, you know, if they love it anyway, just indulge me and telling our listeners about the. Yeah, I don't even know what you call it, but it's very basic, like art pieces of art for your kids, and it's incredible. OK. Well, first of all, I never set out for it to be that extreme like it started out with, I saw this hilarious thing on Pinterest and my kids were next to me and they were like, Oh my gosh, you should make that. And normally I would never attempt something like that because I'm like, That's too much time. Like, you know, they're fine with just like sliced apples and peanut butter or whatever. Yeah, but they thought it was hilarious and like, I will do anything to get a laugh out of them. So I made these like they were these banana toilets and the chocolate chip, and it was supposed to look like. So they're like suckers for anything poop related, of course. So I made that and I was like, OK, with that is actually so easy. Like took me, I don't know, maybe five minutes. So then it led to like me doing another one, and then I just realized, like all these things you see on Pinterest, they actually are so easy. They take like maybe five to 10 minutes. And I think I'm kind of naturally a creative person anyway. So like, I enjoy the process very, very much. So it's like I love when my hobbies can intersect with their joy. Like, if I enjoy doing something and they get joy out of it, it's like ten out of ten for me. So they just like they started getting to the point where, like they would run home to see their smell and like, Gosh, I mean, they are so excited to see this now. It's not even funny, and it's just the funnest thing, ever. Like, I got so much joy out of that, but like, I just kept going. I would see, like I make something like that probably three to four days out of the week and then the other day is usually just like something quick or like yesterday I had all these like freeze dried candies that were sent to us on a PR mailing. So I mean, like we just did like a big family taste test of the freeze dried hue. So sometimes it'll be things like that. But yeah, I mean, and how long how how long do they take like out of your day? Because obviously you have so much going on like that also fascinates me, so genuinely. I would say, on average, probably 10 minutes. No wait any longer. No, I'm not kidding. And like people always say like, Oh, you should tell me or whatever, like, I want to see the process and I know I could film it and like, you know, make a tick talk out of that and it would do well. But I also feel like that would suck the joy out of it for me, like having to set up a whole like phone operation. And I don't know that whole thing. Like, I just I'm usually on a work call as I'm like doing it. And I just, I don't know, I just whip it out. But like, we already have a lot of like, I cut up all our fruit and put them in the containers in the fridge. So everything is already like pre-cut just so it's easy for the kids to like. Grab it throughout the day. Yeah. So I already kind of have everything prepped. Gotcha. Gotcha. OK, well, thank you for indulging me because that was an endless fascination of mine. I'm sticking with the topic of parenting. Someone wants to know what if you have a specific philosophy on parenting or a particular philosophy? I mean, not really, I think we're both I'm. Like very intentional parents, we try to be very intentional about like our time with them and the way we talk to them. But I was actually just listening on tech, talk to this child psychologist and she was saying how like nowadays with like all these gentle parenting trends, she feels like parents are so hard on themselves, like you don't always respond the right way. And she's like, You can actually respond the right way. I want to say, she said, like 40 percent of the time, and it has the same effects. But you and I don't know, like this is just one tick guys that I have not like fact checked. Is there anything like she? She said 40 percent of the time like we'll get. Have the same effects, like just be easy on yourself, like it doesn't always have to be like this, you know, sit down gentle thing like you can still be like, Hey, stop hitting your sister. You know what I mean, like and have like those normal parenting moments where you kind of just like art quickly, like, I don't know, just being like a normal parent, I guess. Yeah. Not everything has to be like, so thoughtful. But I think like the main thing for us is just like communication, like if we do lose our cool, like making sure we tell them, like, that's because I had a long day at work and like, it had nothing to do with you. And that's kind of when people lose their. So just kind of like explaining like, it's our fault, not your fault, that we lost our cool. I think communication is more important than like always being perfect and never losing your temper. Like, if it's just like any human, we're all humans. We all have our emotional outburst. We all have our moments. And I actually think it's like would be more harmful to model something completely unrealistic. Like they have to see that you're a person and that you can be pushed to the edge on some level, like parents are not robots just in the same way that kids aren't robots, and they can be pushed to the edge too, and they can melt down, and we're all just trying to figure it out. Totally. No, I completely agree. Someone asked, like, what's the best marriage advice you've ever been given? I actually think it's probably when I was in college, I had this college professor who. He was very he would always stress how important it was for someone to ask, like, what's the best marriage advice you've ever been given? I actually think it's probably when I was in college, I had this college professor who. He was very he would always stress how important it was for women to especially stay at home moms, to always have valuable skills that they felt confident like if their husband did something horrible and left them high and dry that they'd be able to support themselves. And his whole point was like every or not everyone in this room. But a lot of people in this room got married. And statistically speaking, I don't remember what the statistic was. But let's say like 40 percent of you will get divorced, none of you will plan on it. But like, it's just going to happen. And like, you have to prepare yourself financially and just like as a human to be able to deal with that. And that always stuck with me because I feel like there's so much freedom and feeling like you are your own person. I have my own hobbies. David has his own hobbies. We both have our own individual talents and skills and my because we can't control our spouses. So like right at the end of the day, one of us at any time could go do something really horrible that would tear our family apart, and we can't do anything to stop the other person from doing that. So it's like we're only in control of our own lives. So I love the feeling of just the freedom of feeling like I'm my own person. If he decided to do something, of course I would be devastated. But like, I also am like, capable of like living a happy life, supporting myself, being a good mom still. So I don't know. I feel like there's so much freedom in that and also just freedom for your spouse, too. We're like, we can both just feel like we have the freedom to, like, be our individual selves and grow together. So I feel like that's a big thing in our marriage, as we both very much love the other person, just like being who they want to be. Yeah, and I love that feeling. What's so funny about that, and I've talked with Chandler about it is I feel like my dream was always to never work like I was just hated. I just hated working so much. And I hated, like the financial pressure of having to work. And I recently kind of gotten to this place where like, you know, I don't necessarily need to in my in our relationship and where things are at. But I have been, you know, working on this podcast and in other business. And I've talked with Chandler about this a lot like knowing that if something was to go wrong and you know, Kagan, my fiance was to decide that this wasn't the relationship for him like that, to know that I could go rent an apartment if I needed to, that I could be totally fine. Like I wouldn't have to move, move in with my parents. It wouldn't be this huge dramatic thing like, I have these great jobs that I've built for myself. Like knowing that you can support yourself. I think it first of all and empowers you so much, and it allows you to be the most vibrant version of yourself. And I think it also allows the other person to not feel this, you know, crazy pressure. And so I just think it's so good for you as an individual and for the relationship as a whole whole. So I totally love that that was the advice that stuck with you because I think it's so true. And I think on some level when when you're in a position, when you are disempowered in that way and you don't necessarily have a backup plan on some level, it can kind of bring out your most insecure. It can bring out insecurities and a lesser version of yourself that can wield its own problems in a relationship. Yes, exactly. I feel like without that freedom, you start to, like, micromanage what they're doing and you start to feel insecure and like, I love the freedom of like just feeling like he could talk to a woman and I don't don't care. Like, you can have your friends and you can. Of course, we're going to have our own personal boundaries as individuals and as a couple, because I don't think anyone should act like they're like immune to making those mistakes and like putting themselves in dumb situations. So we would never do that. But like, I don't I don't feel the need to like, micromanage his life and his interactions, and I feel like I'm totally comfortable in who I am. And yeah, I think it just gives you a lot of freedom. I also think as a woman knowing that you can support yourself and provide for your own lifestyle, there's I think that also helps with getting older and not that, you know, I think you and I are both like the same age, I think, are you? I'm thirty one. Yeah, I'm thirty one two. I'm almost 32. Like, it's not that we really know what it's like to truly get older at all. But I do feel like on some level, knowing, like for me, I never want to stop building and making money and growing and being. Totally. You know, working towards financial freedom, and I just kind of feel like it also is kind of nice to know like, oh yeah, something went wrong later in life. I'm not necessarily so worried about it because I don't need to depend on my looks to attract a guy to then also provide a lifestyle right at some level. I think it also kind of provides another huge sense of relief in that realm of life as well. Does that make sense? Yeah, no, totally. And I completely agree. And like even for David, like he is the stay at home dad right now, but he's still like, I give him the freedom to develop his skills in whatever way he wants to. And like for him, that's kind of this film photography thing he's doing right now. He's I feel like he has plenty of skills that he's like, developed and kept and still like. Nurtures where like if I were to do something stupid, like he would be fine and he could make a living. And you know what I mean? That's the thing that sucks for stay at home moms is like, you have this major gap, so it's like you just have to like, this is what my professor was saying in college. Like, you just have to be aware of that and like, have something that you're confident, even if you're not using it throughout that gap that you could use it. And like, that'll just bring you so much peace of mind and ironically, like probably lead to you not getting divorced because it's such a healthy state of mind. Absolutely. Absolutely. OK, well, kind of talking along the professional lines, I'm very curious. Like managing. I mean, Day is a major company like it's in. I was in Sephora, in New York. There it is at checkout. Like, it's it's so funny, cause I'm like, I don't know. I feel like even the staffers I'm chatting like, Oh, that's your friend. Ambers company. Like, I love it. That makes me so happy. You do a very good job of making people feel connected to you. So I'm like, Oh yeah, like, I'm like day. Totally I. I'm like part of the insiders. And, you know, I would do the absolute same thing seriously. But obviously, like managing a company with inventory hard goods, it's such a different thing than just lending your, you know, identity or, you know, promoting another product. I'm very curious about your your experience running a company like this if you enjoy it. The challenges there. And and yeah, I kind of that side of of your work right now. Yeah, my dad was an entrepreneur growing up and owned his own business. I think. He was always kind of talking to us about his business terms and walking us through, like his silent partner and how he like, I learned kind of a lot of those things just from hearing him talk to us like we were adults about it, which was really nice and he would always bring us to work with him. So I knew I always wanted to start a business. And then we started a fee and that was like a crash course in business for me. And we still own BFE and it's like doing great and everything. But I learned so much from launching it, like if I were to go back and relaunch it, having no and everything I I know now, I would do it differently. But I'm so proud of where it is now, and I'm also so glad that I'm able to use all that knowledge and launch day now. But yeah, I mean, it's it's been wild because I've never worked with a retailer, so that was something completely new to me and support has been such a trooper because we launch like right before COVID. And it was just me and one other person, my brother in law, who was kind of helping me get all of this going. So a tiny, tiny team and I'm like, you know, doing social media and dealing with Sephora and doing product development and everything, right? Hmm. So it's been incredible to learn how much goes into running. A retail business, it's bananas, how much goes into it? I think people would be floored to see how much I'm actually like on calls and doing emails and like doing like actual business things, because that's the stuff that's not fun to document. Nor would it be necessarily enjoyable for someone to like, witness and be a part of it, just like the mundane things you have to do. But yeah, I mean, it's been wild. Yeah. And do you do you feel like day has given you the freedom to not necessarily need to do as many brand deals or not have to kind of push like? Like I remember you said on Instagram, like, I'm very aware of how much I'm not trying to tell you guys that you need to buy a bunch of stuff all the time. Like, I don't you know that you're very aware of. You can really, I feel like, be very selective with picking and choosing what brands you promote and most of your content is, not does. It's not like sponsored. I feel like most of it is just seems like things you actually just enjoy. And it's like your life and your posting, excuse me. And does day give you the freedom to do that? For sure, day. Well, I don't pay myself anything from day, so I have not, if anything, I pay day because I'm always like of funding things. We self-funded the company, so I'm definitely in the hole with day. I'm OK. I got paid and I definitely am looking at day as like, I'll get something I'm not worried about not paying or I'm not worried about paying myself right now because I know there's something bigger coming if I can just focus on, like building something great right now. So I do still have to keep up with the blog style of the campaigns and whatnot, but it's not a sustainable job for anyone to just be an influencer. Oh my gosh, I can't imagine how claustrophobic it would be to feel like I need to do this for the rest of my life. Like, Yeah, I would go insane. And so I it does give me the freedom of feeling like I don't have to do this forever. And that's really nice because it just again, like makes it a passion for me instead of this feeling like a job. And that's kind of what I've always tried to make it feel like, so it feels as authentic as possible. But yeah, so it does give me that freedom. But it also is like, you know, day is like a grind right now where I spend almost all my time on it and we won't get anything out of it for a while. But I'm fine with that because it is like, I I think about it, I dream about it like it's I put everything into it. So yeah, right now it's just so fine that I don't even care. I mean, but how exciting to to be able to build something that you love and then to have this audience already, who's along for the ride along for the journey, this built in consumer base and then hopefully like a great exit like that that would be or you cut out for a second? Oh, I just said and then hopefully, you know, how great would it be? What basically says, how great would it be to be able to build something amazing that you love and are passionate about and then also have a built in consumer base? And then, you know, ideally have some incredible exit. So really, really cool. I'm very excited about to see where things go. I'm obsessed with the deep conditioner. I have the huge. I think it's 32 ounces. The one that's sold out right now because I tried to reorder. So I guess we can keep those in stock and drives me. Bananas and inventory issues right now for all companies are insane just because everything is so backed up. Still, from Coke and somehow everything is sitting on a ship somewhere. So like, that's been a nightmare for like even Sephora, because it's it's a it's a problem across all brands. It's just not being able to get stuff fast enough. So, yeah, it's been like so frustrating dealing with out of stock things, but that's something that like as soon as we launch it, we're like, OK, we think we're good for like six months and then a month later, it sells out and we're just like, Oh f, like, what are you going to do? So I still have, I think, a third of my container left, and so I'm hoping that gets me through until your next restock. But I love it, and it's a perfect ratio. If I get the normal size shampoo and then the huge deep conditioner that like I go through, like one, like those are those for the amount of shampoo and conditioner I use. It's ideal. So and it looks so cute in my shower. I love it. I know I love it so much. It makes me so happy using it. Do you have any, anything you're like, really excited about coming up with day? Anything you can tease, even just a hint? Yeah. So when does this come out? This will come out next Wednesday, the Wednesday the second. OK, so yeah, we have a product, I think we'll start teasing it around the time this comes out, but it's a multitasking styling product and I'm it's like, it's so good. We're like our team. I mean, we've had the formulation now. Products take a really, really long time to make. So like when we launch something, our team has already been using the product for like at least a year. So we have been using it for so long and we keep running out of our samples and our team is like fighting over like who gets the nice sample. Like, I'm not kidding because it's so good and just so perfect for like the hair trends that are happening right now. So I can't wait to like finally be able to show people what I've been using for these specific styles. So we have that coming out in March and I'm like, so excited for it. I've been counting down the days for the last year. I'm not kidding for this product. OK. I cannot wait. I'm super excited. I love the cactus flower lemon conditioner too. I feel like in the moon mask if like everything you guys do. There's such quality and it smells so good and it looks so cute. So I'm very excited for the new launch. Yeah, thank you. We spend so much time trying to think of like the whole experience because we want the whole experience to feel very sensorial and thoughtful and not just like you're using a product. We want it to feel like an actual experience, you know, so we spend a lot of time on all those little details like texture and scent and all of that. I think, like especially with scent, like, that's where I'm just, like, completely obsessed. I don't know how you guys have done it, but it is like it's the best smelling masked shampoo. Like, sometimes you can get a good smelling conditioner, but not a good smelling shampoo and like everything is across the board, like wonderful to put on. And anyways, it's genius. Well, apparently this long like it looks like so pretty and sparkling. It's like so shimmery and pretty. I love it. Yeah, it's amazing. I'm just going to say right now I have other like other things in my shower, like a raise. Like, different razors than that are not day because day razors don't exist. One day dream of a full day shower kit. So there's no it's coming. It's the first time we have so many fun things coming, like we basically have our next three years completely mapped out. Oh my gosh. Because that's kind of how far in advance you have to plan when you're with the retailer because you're pitching products. I mean, upwards of like a year and a half in advance. So you have to be and especially with all the delays now, if you want to avoid them, you have to plan so far ahead. So, right, definitely have you covered. But unfortunately, some of them will take longer than others. So I can't wait. I can't wait that day when I take a shower and everything is day. I'm just going to feel like I'm on like an outdoor shower in Arizona, like in the middle of the desert, full of amber filler vibes. You know, I had Don or I just think, Gosh, my favorite. OK, we're speaking of Arizona, though I'm I love your like summer vibes and your poolside vibes with your kids all the time. I'm very curious how and this is kind of a total hard left turn, but how often you're actually like, do you like, is your life swimming with your kids and having fun with your kids, like all the time during the summer? And then also how you keep your tan doing that? I know this is kind of a random question. No. OK. The tan situation is so frustrating because, yeah, I would say we swim five days out of the week, year round. Oh, you're right. Oh my gosh. Yeah. I mean, like, right now we're not swimming, but we're in the hot tub every single night. Like, there's probably only a couple nights where we don't go in the hot tub. That is a dream life. Wow. Yeah. So it's like our favorite way to end the day. Our hot tub also just automatically turns on it at five o'clock, so it's like it's already hot. It's like ready. And it's like our favorite family activity. Like, we all just sit in there, hang out and then get out and get ready for bed and put them down. So it's kind of like our little routine. But yeah, this free tan situation is very unfortunate. I learned a couple of tips to like prolong it like I can't rub my body after the hot tub. You have to just like hot, dry, don't touch anything because any friction, as you know, we'll just take it right off, right? So I always like pat dry and then I also don't wait for the previous one to come off. I will put another one on and like, does that make sense? So then the one that's underneath the previous tan that just comes off naturally and the other? One stays on somehow. So like two days before when I know it's going to start coming off, I just throw another one on especially pregnant and like, I do not even want to see my natural skin. I don't want to know what color I am. I just want to be this fake tan color until this baby comes out because it is the only way I feel good. Honestly, Natalie, I want to be that fake tan color until the day I die. Like, I want to be buried like a beautiful hint of tangerine bronze like that is my dream because it just looks so good. Do you have a favorite self-tanner that you can share? No, I love it. So it totally depends. Like in between. Oh, I should share like my calendar of self tan. Yeah, it's kind of like this way. Like, I have certain days where I use certain products. I'm literally salivating. If that would be that I need it in my life. Yes, OK, I need to send it to you because it's kind of hard to map out like verbally. But I will send you guys the full calendar of the days and then the products I use them, which means like prolong it as well. So have you guys used that? It's like, Oh gosh, what's the brand Bondi Boost? I think no, and I've heard of it. It's not there, but it's not there. Self tan. It's almost like makeup that you spray, OK? And it gives you instant tan. It doesn't develop. It's like instant, but it also stays on for probably three days. If you wanted to take it off, you could like you could scrub it off in the shower, but you could also go in the hot tub and it's not going to come off. Wait, no way. And it's like a makeup. It's like a makeup that comes out in like an airbrush form, and it's just incredible, like if I have to shoot a campaign that I forgot about and don't have time to like, wait for ourselves, tan to develop and deal with that whole thing. I just put that on my body and it is. It's the best I have to send you guys the link. Does it rub off on your sheets if you go to sleep in it? No. Some. And it's like a magic product. It does not rub off. It does not smell stays on in the hot tub and is like the perfect bronzed tan. OK, so what would be the reason that I'm dying will be the reason why you want to just just use that? Just go for just that product. Is it too expensive? Is it annoying? Yeah, it is expensive, it takes longer to apply evenly. OK, so usually like if I'm filming something and I just want like a little bit of tan on my face, then I'll add this to my neck instead of like actual makeup, you know? Mm hmm. Or like if I'm shooting like maternity pictures like I always will put it, like on my belly. Right. So I don't know. It's more like I don't. Mike, my full body, and it seems like as needed or like, you're going out, you know, I don't want to smell. But yeah, it is more expensive, harder to apply. And then it also, I would say, starts to like rub off after like three days versus like a stealth sandwich is more like six days, OK? Yeah. OK, so. So it's just a good supplement or last minute. Yes, it has its place. Incredible. Because this yourself two hands are always on point. And I was just going to I was just wondering, like one of my questions was, is she just naturally like, perfectly tanned as I just heard, you know? So huge relief, so I always wear sunscreen, I never I mean, I could get tan and I do get tan in the sun, but I don't want to. Yeah, I have. OK, I have another general question, but Chandler, I don't want to. I'm trying to be a will allow you to share the mike. No, this is great. I just want to make sure we're conscious of time. Amber, are you? What time do you need to run at? Because I feel like I'm maybe on time. No, I have like, I have four minutes, so we're good. Lauren Lauren Bacall. Four minutes. I just I feel like and I I feel like you, your vibe is very much one of positivity of warmth, of like ideas in my life. Love my life very much like intentional, and I'm just curious if you have any advice for people on being so at ease in their skin and so happy. That's that's my one. My the question. Yeah, I I feel like my answer to this would be, I don't know if this is a helpful answer, but I just had someone the other night be like, isn't it exhausting to do all this self-help stuff like journal before night and read before bed and all this whatever, like all the healthy habits like, isn't it exhausting to keep up with? And I'm like, It's truly exhausting not to. Because if I don't do all those things, then I am losing my patience with my kids and dealing with that. And then I am losing time because I am like having an anxiety attack over, like being stressed out about my schedule. And then I like, don't feel like I can even handle my schedule that day, so I don't get anything done. And then I have more to do the next day. So it's like, it's almost like, Yes, it is a lot of work. Just like fitness is a lot of work, but like the payoff is just being so much more streamlined. In my mind, like in my brain and my headspace and being like a calmer parent and of course, I still have days where I'm like. You know, being like a sloth going from bad to bad feeling like I can't do anything or I still get overwhelmed or whatever, but I would say for the most part, I feel so much more streamlined when I'm doing all the things I know that get me there, like working out and journaling and doing affirmations and like all these things. Yeah, I think the payoff is just so much greater than like dealing with not doing it. Yeah, totally. So doing like doing the work during the true work of self-care because are ultimately not doing it like it's much more stressful on some level than the stress of doing it. Yeah, exactly, and it is kind of like sickness, where in the beginning you don't necessarily see the rewards yet, but then. And like I especially feel like this about therapy, like at first when I started, I'm like, Why the hell am I doing this? This is making me like more depressed. But then all of a sudden, like, everything starts to lift and you're like, Oh, I feel like a different person. Like, This is weird. Yeah. So it's just kind of worth putting in the work and like going through that period of this is exhausting and taxing. Why am I doing this knowing you're going to grow as a person and like, have that moment know? Absolutely. Amber, thank you so much for coming on our little pod and so glad truly alive. Thank you. Yeah, he is. We're excited. Oh, you guys are so fun to listen to, like truly one of my favorite pods to just put on when I'm driving or getting ready. Like, I genuinely mean that it feels like we're just like hanging out, chatting. So keep doing what you're doing. You guys are amazing. Thank you so much, Amber. Truly, that means the world. We're so, so grateful. And we will catch everyone next time. OK, bye, guys. Bye. That's all for now, folks. Don't forget. Give us a five star review. Hit us up on Instagram at pharmacologists, and we will see you next week. Live every Wednesday. Do you ever worry about running out of interesting things to say to friends when you actually get to see them? Then we've got the perfect podcast for you. I'm Eve Yo Hallam and each week on Book Dreams, my co-host Julie Sternberg and I use books to explore fascinating questions like what happened when a Harvard professor staked her reputation on an alleged gospel of Jesus wife that turned out to be fake. And how did debut author Tom Lynn save the American Western by blowing it to bits our pigeons, rats with wings or wonder birds? And what's the who, what, when, where, how and especially why? Of books bound in human skin recent. An upcoming book Dreams Highlights include conversations with Booker Prize winning author Marlon James, Pulitzer Prize winning journalist Kathryn Schulz and Merlin Scholar Dr. Laura Campbell. You can listen to book Dreams wherever you get your podcasts. 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