95: Rats in the Walls, Show & Tell, & Naked Ears

Transcript

Welcome Welcome to Kurla classics. I'm your host, superfan, Giovanni. This is the podcast where we play the best moments, highlights, and fans like the clips from all 15 years of the Adam Kurla show. We have a separate podcast feed titled Kurla classics with the archives exclusively available through Adam Kurla substack. You can find that show ad free as well as other ad free releases and the brand new show, Beat It Out with Adam Krolla and j Moore. Check out adamkrolla.substack.com. And if you'd like to request a clip, please email us, classics at adamkrolla.com. Now onto the clips. Coming up today, we have a very special Krolla classics. For the holidays, we're once again playing the history of the Ace Awards. Ads removed, extra stuff removed, mostly just the awards. Some topical rants left in, kind of a chopped and screwed edition. We've done it several times over the years. We've gone forward through history, we've gone backwards, we've done the chopped and screwed editions. For people who aren't familiar with Ace Awards, it's a long running tradition that started back in 2,006. Many radio shows and other media properties were on the annual. Look at what we did this year shows, you know, essentially bottle episodes, flashback episodes, greatest hits. And, typically, it it's fairly lazy or they just play some select clips of the producer setup. The Ace Awards, starting in 06 were really well produced and really funny. They really kinda nailed the presentation and it really worked. So they continued to do the Ace Awards for 2,000 Danny Bonaduce. Adam didn't attend that Ace Awards in 07. And then 2008, they did the Ace Awards again, one of the best ones they've ever done. And then in 09, because they switched from the radio show format with a daily podcast release, they recorded all of January and most of February. Because that was done and then he would now had to switch over to a podcast format, they didn't have access to that first month and a half or more of the shows. So they wouldn't be able to use those in a Crowell Classic that year. Not that all the clips would come from there, but at least something would have. And also, the staff in place weren't carryovers from the show. They were all new staffers who were no longer there. And they didn't necessarily have the interest in continuing the radio show format until 2010 once everybody decided that's what they were gonna do and that was the winning formula. And they really knew what they were doing. 2010, the ACE Awards come back. We have them again in 2011, 2012, and so on all the way through. It happened every single year. And we'll be playing every ACE Awards from 2010 onwards starting today. Coming up first, we have Adam Krola Show 467. This is in between Newsgirls. Allison basically was a lock for the job but hadn't been hired yet. And Brian Bishop joins Adam for the Ace Awards of 2010, the first done for the podcast. Hope you guys enjoy. Alright. Should we, do a couple Ace Awards? Yeah. Yeah. Let's start that. Let's get started with that. What do we got? Mhmm. This is best musical performance. Oh, okay. Best musical performance. The nominees for best musical performance are Bald Bryan for Isaac Hayes and Joan Osborne mashup. I'm gonna die. When he says, yeah, again, I'm gonna die. I'm Yep. No. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, Oh, do I love that? Can't get enough. We have to release it. Mary Lynn Rice Cup for rapping to her son. I use this in the morning with my son. Change your poopy diaper if you wanna go to school. Do you wanna go to school? Let's get that poopy diaper off. Let's brush your teeth. No. You don't wanna brush your teeth. How about a bath? If you don't wanna take a bath, take off your pajamas. Gotta take off your pajamas if you wanna go to school. Seriously, you gotta take off your pee pee poopy diaper because people at school don't wear pee pee poo poo diapers. Wow. Josh Gardner, Untitled Folk Song. I wrote this song when I was in college. I was a freshman, had never really been away from home. I miss my girlfriend a lot. She still had 3 more years of high school. And but I have my guitar. Mhmm. And I heard there was an open mic night at the coffee house. So I went down there and just kinda swung it, you know, and this is what I came up with. You know I need you, but I need you know I need you, but I need to love you better. I need to love you like the winter knee is a sweater. Oh, f**k my pussy tonight. Oh, yeah. Oh, f**k my pussy tonight. Turns out that Dean was at the show, and I got suspended for the whole semester. My parents were really PO'd because they had played the, tuition in full. But oh, f**k my pussy tonight. Yeah. The great Josh Garner, everybody. Well, the best musical performance. Let's figure out who won this, baby. And and the winner is Ace. Isaac Hayes. Wasn't sure if I was doing that or not. What? Yeah. Isaac. What? What? Isaac, you must be surprised. Yeah. Yeah. You are. You're big Yeah. You you a big fan of Joan Osborne? Yep. Oh, you like her? Yeah. Oh, I didn't know that. I didn't, you know, I didn't know if you guys crossed paths before. It's it's good. Uh-huh. Yeah. So you oh, well, yeah. It's ironic that, she's singing about God being one of us and you being dead and all. It is just a good thing. Okay. Good. So you won that trophy. We'll, we'll go ahead and get that right out to you. What? Yeah. I I don't know. This is uncomfortable, Isaac. I'm not sure how we get you the plaque or the trophy or the certificate. Yeah. Alright. You don't really need it where you're at anyway. Right? No. No. Taking harp lessons, sitting on a cloud. Sometimes. You're having sex with Princess Grace? Yep. Wow. Isaac Hayes and Princess Grace on the same cloud. That'd be awesome. Yeah. Well, congratulations, big man. We really appreciate it. Coming up, next, I believe we have, best impression. Let's see who the candidates are. The nominees for best impression are Dana Gould as Huell Hauser. Now I I saw the book Our Bodies Ourselves, and what many people won't know is that women have a bum in their front and they throw up people with it. No. No. You it's called a vagina. I don't I don't speak Spanish. They get But what I do know is that they have, like, a man they have what I could only call a front bum, and something happens where they poop like a little dude. Frank Stallone as Sylvester Stallone. If I said to him, you know, a year ago, what's up with Frank? Well, what do you think he would say? If I wouldn't say anything, you know, you know, you know? But what if I got him drunk and said, what's up with Frank? Then Frank go, yeah. And what if I gave him a quail and I asked him, what's up with Frank? And what if I gave him an ether rag and asked him, what's up with Frank? It would be. And Dana Gould as Paul Stanley from KISS. They they never bothered to loop Paul Stanley's speaking voice, which is really like, duh, child Freeman. Terry and Julia trapped on the Ferris wheel at the amusement park. I know. We better save them. He was like a gay guy from Flatbush. He's just like your aunt. He's like your mom's your mom's friend. Right. Star Child, Damon, I had half a coffee cake here, and now it's gone. What the hell? If you just told me you wanted it, I would've bought 2. I had a coupon. Oh, the great Dana Gould. And the winner in the best impression category is Frank Stallone. The American Indian accepting his award. Boy. We got, we got some good stuff coming up. We got best fight coming up, best reenactment coming up. I just realized, I think you can pretty much give the award to whoever you want because there's, like, there's no, like, you know, envelope or, recorded announcement. We can give it to whoever we want. Alright. We can yell out whatever we want. Yeah. Whatever makes you laugh the most, I guess, or what have you. You know what? You're right. You're right. Yeah. Should we, you know what? Let me give a, quick shout out to, one of our fine sponsors. That's right. Pinnacle College. Always wanted to work in, the music industry. Technology now on your side, namely Pinnacle College. They can show you how. They got computers, music software, and applications. They will teach you how to do it. Wanna get in it? Maybe you wanna do this. Maybe you wanna sit in the next room with Dawson and the Wees. Yeah. Pinnacle College will teach you, the necessary, how to work the software, Apple Logic Pro Tools, Cubase. Again, I don't know what Cubase is but, they'll teach it to you. Classes start January 31st. I think our own Dawson's going over there on 24th. Is that right, Dawson? I think that's when school starts for the, audio engineering program. I I'll have to double check if that's all I heard. Old dog like Dawson's can still be taught a few new tricks by our good friends over at Pinnacle College. And again, let's focus, people. Forget about the 5 years of putting around Humboldt State and coming back with a nice buzz and a suntan and a a scar from a hackysack injury. Contact Pinnacle College atpinnaclecollege.edu or give me a call. 877-206-6206. 877-206-6206. Good people. Good program. Let's get going, and we'll become renaissance men tomorrow. Alright. Shall we keep moving with the, Ace Awards? What's up next? The nominees for best reenactment are Adam and Bryan Cranston as Charles Manson and Tex Watkins. Had to be weird, like, at some point when, Charlie pulled Tex aside and, like, Charlie was like, look, why don't you gather up all the super sexually active, hot 19 year olds who don't mind pulling trains all week weekend long with us over here. I want you to know how to get him some steak knives and send them up the hill to do some high profile murdering. A text must have been like, I'm sorry, what was that last part? Charlie, we got we got a pretty good thing going on here. I wonder why you'd kill everyone on a hill. You're stealing steak knives and No no no no no. I'm saying no more orgies. No more or No no no no, we're killing now. Oh, we're killing them all right. No no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no we're killing them you. What I need you to do is get some knives together. Yeah. Okay. I'm gonna stay here. You're staying here. I'm a stay here. I'm getting knives. Bring the Oldsmobile around. Oldsmobile coming. Get all the hot 19 year olds we're formally having sex with. Don't kill them in the car. No. No. No. No. No. No. Put them in the car. Put them in the car. I go up to the hill. Okay. And go find, like, Sharon Tate's house and stab everybody. I have one of them, stars, maps, magazines. I can get it. Use that. Okay. Use that. Yeah. But, again, the sexual party is over for a little while down here. We're gonna start a race ride. Alright. Adam and Teresa as Joe and Jessica Simpson. You could see her dad having talks with her when she was 16 or 15a half. Listen. Hold on. Let me put my other study ring on. Hold on. How my tips look? Excellent. Okay. Now listen. You got those huge jugs. Yeah. Those big juicy details. God. I love that. Beautiful, supple, padded with their massive areolas, and there could be plenty of boys that are gonna wanna get their hands nay, mouth, little big, beautiful, beautiful, milky milky smooth white, heaving jugs of yours. Okay? They're gonna wanna do things called the motorboat. There's something called TF'ing that I I got honey, get get to try and race for it. I gotta draw this one out. Hold on. How am I tip something? Can we end family meeting? Okay. But point is this, you don't give it up. Don't give it up for none of them. At some point, some guy coming along playing the blues guitar, some skinny white guy with a cool haircut, who wears one of them Borat Speedos on a cruise ship, he's gonna wanna get at them milky white jokes. Don't you let him touch it. Dad. Don't you let him get near those big, heaving, inflated, milky, beautiful, supple, and soft to the touch, Joe. Hell. Okay. Yes. Don't you ever let him do that. You keep your purity for some guy in a boy's band. Alright? Can we have a catch? Yes. Let's have a catch. Catchers pick Jug's ears. Adam as Angelina Jolie's hit man. I'd be a great hit man for Angelina Jolie. So it'd be, like, alright. We're gonna need half now and then, half after I rape you. Sorry. It's a it's a hit. And then? Oh, this is s**t. Did I say that out loud? Right. I meant sorry. Half now, then half after I kill you. Make it look like an accident. Right. Right. So if there's an attempted race This rape will definitely look like I mean, damn it. Sorry. I was just raping, so it's on my mind. Sorry. What are we talking about again? Oh, yeah. Half now, half after the killing. Sorry. That's right. There'll be no raping, your court. That's for damn sure. But if they were to find some But if they were to find some semen, I do feel like that would, you know, know Throw them off the stairs. No one's gonna think you killed yourself with a penis. I think that was when, Angelina Jolie was talking about hiring a hitman to kill her. Yeah. That was the I think that was the story. She was she was there was some story that she was gonna commit suicide by hiring a hitman to, to get her. That's what they Make a look as though she didn't care. Yeah. Well, you know, I gotta agree with this one. Although I do love me as Joe Simpson. But, the winner, me and, Bryan Cranston. Yeah. Yeah. He does a hell of a Tex Watson. Hell of a no better Tex. Condolences to the runners up Adam Crowell and Adam Crowell. That's right. When they do Tex Watts in the musical, you know, his phone's gonna be ringing off the hook. Right. Now, one I've been looking forward to for a while. This is best, fight. What the hell can this be? The nominees for best fight are Adam and Donnie in clips for live shows. I've given you the speech a 1000000 times on the live show is gonna pay the bills, and you're Have I disagreed? No. No. You don't disagree. You disagree by not writing down things when I say, hey. Here's what we need for the live thing. Right here. Right here is where you go, yes, service to me. We were walking to the movie theater. Yes, service to me. In your room. That. True service to me. That easy when he's broadcasting the world that I'm a schmuck. Yes, service to me. I called you in your room in San Jose. Well, this is what he also does. It's to Hoda. He goes, hey. I'm watching MSNBC. Turn this on. So Hoda. Hey. I got it. Alright. I'll see you at the movie theater downstairs. Oh, no. No. Then while we're walking then while we're walking, he updates and says, hey. Hold on a second. No. That's not how it goes. No. Not then when we're walking. No. I say, turn it to channel 17. MSNBC. Yes. Just about 2 minutes ago, they showed a clip that would be awesome. I need to grab that clip. You didn't say clip. You said watch this show. It seems kind of interesting. Oh, Donnie, please hang up on yourself right now. I will throw a boot through that window. It's a watch this show. It seems kinda interesting. The service bro. That's me. That's what I do with all the clips I went for the live show. Adam's Donnie for doctor Bruce's phone. Donnie told me to leave this thing on. I might get an emergency call. So that's That'd be kind of exciting, though. Donnie, why emergency call? Hold on. Did Donnie tell you to leave that on? He did. Donnie, why are you I'm shutting it off. Don't be stupid, Donnie. I know. Okay. You know you know what Donnie does is he tries to do funny producing on the show? Oh, that was a bit? Yes. He was engineering a No. No. No. That was don't, Donnie. Don't f**king do that. And I would normally yell more, but then you'd say, see, you yelled, and then it was funny. Dick. And Adam and Donnie in secretly recorded audio from the film vault. But, Donnie, the last film vault conversation we had was you wanted me to be a guest on their show. I don't believe I've ever said guest on Gotta be honest, though. I You didn't say guest on their show. I don't believe I What would you call it then? If you get f**king semantics, I'm walking the f**k out of here. They were doing a show. You asked me to be on their show. Yes. Okay. I didn't say guest on their show. I didn't Donnie, I'm f**king walking out here. I didn't ask me to be a guest on their show. Are you f**king nuts? You asked me to be on their show. I'm saying the word guest, but you asked me to be on their show. Did you or did you not? Well, then shut the f**k up with I didn't ask to be a guest on their show. Wow. Sad. You know, it felt a little like, Hasselhoff when his daughter was showing him tape of him with the with the, hamburger on the floor. Yeah. Yeah. Jeez, man. Who's the dad? Last night. I was sitting on the couch. Uncomfortable. That was tough. Yeah. Alright. I'm not proud of that, but, that was, you know, the winner is me and Donnie in the film vault argument. Yeah. Donnie, done it again. Called you up in San Jose and said there might be something interesting to check out. Wait wait a second. First of all, I'd like to say everything was taken out of context for this, this award show. Mhmm. I really get to defend myself correctly in this, you're fine. You're fine. Yeah. That was the the film, let's see. That I thought you wait a minute. We started the show I said can you do the film ball? Right. Right. I will relay the facts to this. Right. We were doing Listen. No excuses. Show. We're doing the Adam Carolla show, as a way to promote the launch of the film ball, which is coming from like a week. We were pre recording it because I was out of town. Correct. Correct. We were we were supposed to be guests on the Adam Carolla show, and there was some confusion as to who was on whose show. Right. And I did probably say, can you do the film vault? Yeah. He said And I took it like, oh, okay. I'll be a guest on their show. So when we started the show, I was just sitting there and Brian was staring at me. And I was staring at Brian, and then people were sort of pointing the finger. And I was like, well, I'm what do you want me to do? I'm a guest on their show. And, alright. Anyway, I'm tired, Donnie. You're doing a fine job with the network. What can I say? Thank you very much. Thank you very much. I go back to the mini bikes. What's, what's next? Should we do one let's do one more before I do another, little live spot. Should we take a little break? By the way, named by the top podcast in iTunes of 2010. I saw that. And, why not, by the way? It's a great it's a great episode? Mine would I'd definitely have to be the best film fights. Yeah. Yeah. We never did that. You should do that one. You totally should. You should totally do that one, dude. You should come on our show or vice versa Yeah. For that episode. Love that. Alright. We'll take a quick break. We'll be right back. Well, we're back with the Ace Awards and, still plenty of show to go. We have the most awkward moment. I'm curious. Guest of the year, rant of the year. I'm all very I'm curious about all this. Like if you'd said to me, you don't know what the rant of the year is, but give me one you think might be or give me one of the top 5 or top 10 or something. I I have no idea. I would have no idea. Guests of the year, I would have no idea. Every year, when did the Ace Awards, I look forward to the most sneakily under the radar, the previously awarded montage. Mhmm. Because that's like a rapid fire best of the year, all funny bits. You know what I mean? It's it's it's always a funny refresher of what we've done. Best, musical guest as, well, next category, please. In a ceremony held earlier, awards were handed out in the following categories. Teresa Strasser for best out of context clip. I was put on this earth for one thing and one thing only, sucking a foot long c**k. Adam Carolla for most gracious victory. Jamaicans, Adam. Oh, damn it. What the f**k? 2 Jamaicans? Cool runnings? From 19 Wow. That was gonna be The game goes to tumor. In your head. Woo. Yeah. For most ironically named guest, the most interesting man in the world. Let's not do to porn what we did to Thanksgiving by shoving a bunch of golden raisins in it and cooking trout. You know, just put a turkey in the oven. Let's get some stuff in and call it a night. We're scaring Jonathan. We have the least interested man in this, do we? Yeah. Sorry, Jonathan. But, Jonathan, you're with me. There's nothing was there anything broken about porn? No. I'm just thinking about my morals clause, and I'm about to Oh, yeah. I knew that was happening. Alright. Well, take it easy with your pork chop. Would you please? No. Please. He has a morals clause. Man sells beer for a living. He shouldn't have a morals clause. Hey, Sam. In between 2 foxy chicks. Security expert for best new character. This morning on on Peter Tilden's show, we interviewed this Israeli who used to be the head of security at El Al. What is? He was so angry about TSA and the people that they hire to do the security in their entire system. And an angry Israeli This very hilarious. This is there's no jack from s**t. Five times as angry as that. There's no jack from s**t there. They call them burger flippers. They just saw this, b***h. Schwarzer burger flippers They stand there. They pull over. The the red headed women, they look into their eyes. There is nothing. He offered he offered to help, down at LAX, and they said no. Thanks. They went down to LAX. They offered offered my help, and they they told me hit the bricks. Song of the year. Rich Banks for coming on the tits. And caller of the year, Randy from Craigslist. Randy? Yes. I'm here. You're selling Rue McClanahan's book? Yes. I am. Mhmm. And, you live in Hollywood? Yes. I do. Alright. It it's my hypothesis that Say that again, Adam. I'm sorry. It's my hypothesis Yeah. Dude, are you gay? That this is a gay ruse, all of these things. It's just an attempt to meet dudes on the Internet. In a ruse. Adam, my theory is that you've written book even though you're straight, and I can't believe you didn't talk about it on the man show. Am I right or am I right? The first off, you have to be gay. And secondly you're right, I think, Adam, that you kind of tuck it under your mattress next to your play girls and that kind of thing. Hey, guys. There's so much can't sleep or when you need to use the bathroom, you you just open up room of Flanagan's book. It doesn't matter what chapter it is, the beginning or the end. Mhmm. Like, I'm Adam Carolla of the Mann show. I hate homos. No. Love pussy. The facts. You love the facts. Case. Oh, man. I like that. Pictures of you by chance. Randy. Randy. How much is this book going for? It's going for 5 dollars, but I will give Adam a discount. I will sell it for $4 because Jimmy Kimmel has his own show. Wow. That's cold comfort. I felt rarely do I get insulted and save a dollar, the same incentives. Wow. That was all the previously awarded awards. I like that. My favorite part of the award show. Yeah. Me too. It is that in memoriam thing. Yeah. And it's I don't know why. Something's satisfying about it. Alright. Moving on with the, Ace Awards. Dawson, would you like to reveal the next category? This is for best musical guest. These are actual artists who came in the studio and performed. Alright. The nominees for best musical guest are Hanson. Yeah. Glenn Phillips. Spotted the ocean. Head up the trail. That this is the place where everything's better and everything's safe. Jim Carolla. Get to the part about coming on the dance. I'm like that. With those 4 minute waits. Keep that breathless charm. Won't you please arrange it? Because we love you. And the way you listen to us tonight. Hey, a little trumpet now. Silver is right about the wing ball. We'll get that going next week. So funny. My dad turning to, like, a big musical ham is I I'm really at this I'm doing some math. By the time he's a 135, he's gonna be ready for Knott's Berry Farm. Wow. Yeah. That's the math I've done. He's like a Benjamin Button fund. It's really weird because I must have been the seventies or something. The whole time I was growing up with him, he played the trumpet once in a while. He never sang. He He was like it was like it it got away from him. And then all of a sudden, he turned, like, he got into his seventies, and all of a sudden, the horn found him again, which makes you wonder, like, what's gonna happen to us? All of a sudden, I'm gonna wake up at 71 and go, and then we got a harp? Someone's gonna go, Give me that harp. I gotta play that harp. I wonder what's gonna happen. Well, anyway, the winner of best musical guest, a legacy, Jim Carolla, everybody. Yeah. Alright. Boy, what do we got? He would be here he would be here to accept his award personally, but he's, at the Clippers game. Except for those stream lights are on. Yeah. Yeah. He's he's courtside at the Clippers. He likes the Clippers. I guarantee he's never been to a Clippers game. What would you if I said my dad was sitting there telling me how much you like the Clippers the last time that you did the show. What if I said this, Brian? What if I said this? You give me $100 to my $5,000 I'll give you if my dad's ever been to a Clippers game. Well, 50 to 1 shot. Would you would you would you take those odds? I would take those odds based on the odds and also because maybe someone like like a a work friend, you know, like There's just there could be a story. There could be a story. There could be a story. He accidentally ended up there after, like, going to a blue a jazz club one night. He was coming back in the sports arena. Could could be a story there. It's like the time he knew doctor Drew's last name when we, when we did my terrestrial morning show. I brought him in and, I did this thing with him where I said, look, I'm gonna give you, $5,000 if you can name the radio station that I was on for the last 11 years. I think that was day 1 of the show, by the way. Day 1 of the show. And, he came up with some of the name, to be fair to him. He couldn't come up with the 106.7 k rock part, but he came up with, like, k row or rock or something. But he couldn't come up with the number where it was on the dial. That much I knew. I said I had 5:5 or 10 grand in it for him if he could come up with the name of the puppet show that I did on, m, I did on Comedy Central. And by the way, I think, coincidentally, Jimmy was wearing a cranky anchor shirt at the time, which we thought might trigger something. But, I didn't come up with that. And then I think I said I'd give him, like, $35100 if he could come up with doctor Drew's last name. And he said, Pinsky. And I said, what? Because there's one thing I know. It's people and their consistency. And I And there's Loveline fans who might not know that. You know what I mean? The casual Loveline fan may not know Yeah. Doctor Drew's last name. It's not it's not out there every day. And I said, how that maybe it was 5 grand. I was so sure he wouldn't know doctor Drew's last name. And, he had arranged a meeting or somebody with him, a consultation or something with him days earlier and looked up his name or found out his name just so you can never count on these things. That's my point. I would've given you 50 to 1 on the last name of Drew, except for who would've known about my dad living out in Pasadena, Drew working out in Pasadena, and some sort of consultation on some medical thing 2 days earlier. Right? Whatever. Thank you, Drew. Alright. Should we get to, what do we have? Oh, our next, most awkward moment. I'm looking forward to this. This one. Yeah. Me too. The nominees for most awkward moment are Teresa and Brad Garrett for oral sex discussion. Yeah. But if I'm ranking, I would even put giving before receiving. Oh, really? Oh, that's the deal. I wish you said something earlier. No. No. I tell you. I no. I find I find it interesting. Interesting. You know, you tune out and you love this. Give than take. I don't find that. I don't find it unpleasant. Well, no. It's not unpleasant. But, I mean, you you know, do you feel guilty when you come? Oh my god. Adam, Theresa, and Rachelle Spector for Phil Spector Spector discussion. I mean, the media just portrays him to be some type of, like, monster. Convicted of murder. So you're saying that he's not nearly as eccentric as we all are led to believe. You know what? This is it was just all folktales and stories and That wouldn't happen with Larry Miller for instance, the guest that just Well, he also didn't create the wall of sound and changed the way music is today either. But that's a that's another. That's a completely separate subject than being sort of nutty. I'm just saying that Well, he's not nutty whatsoever. I'm not trying to put him down. I don't know if it sounds like it is. But what I'm saying is is he obviously cultivated this and sort of likes the attention or liked that hairstyles, for example. Being Well, I like his hair, and I did his hair. No. So I'm not saying oops. Sorry. Here's what I'm saying. But, actually, I'm here to talk about the record. In fact, he hasn't produced or released new material in almost 30 years. And Teresa and Dag for Dag Insults Teresa's book. Hey. Tell me about Terry's book. Terry's book. 2nd word. Oh. Almost like the whole idea of you let me get into it. Don't you think if you let me get 30 seconds in, it would be more painful? Gonna feel like a lifetime, but 11 seconds. Yeah. There we go. Let's go. I'll interview you, Tete. The book. First off, how does the process work? Did they approach you? Let me I'm not saying anything. For a lot less. And if this was your experience while pregnant go ahead. Yeah. I started this vlog called Exploiting My Bank. Yep. Right? I remember that one. Where I wrote my innermost thoughts. Uh-huh. Right? My father's full of mucus, like, right? Yes. Every day. Mhmm. It's about your baby? It's about being pregnant. The humor book's about pregnancy. You know what? That is an amazing idea. I'm this is supportive September. I've never heard of a concept about a woman writing about funny things that happen when you're knocked up. Good luck with that. It sounds hilarious. Wow. Wow. This is tough. And the winner of the most awkward moment, DAG and Teresa Strasser. Yeah. Just mark the bag. Michelle Spector was out for lunch. She was, wasn't she? She was kooky. By the way, whenever you know, I was just watching something on, John Lennon and John Lennon wanted to work with Phil and all that kind of stuff. And, you know, they're just interviewing people and they're like, well, you know, working for Phil was tough because he's nuts and he's, you know, he keeps that gun and he's always waving that gun around and like, by the way, how many years can you wave a gun around? You know what I mean? Before how how nutty can you be and how long can you wave a gun around before somebody gets a bullet in the mouth? Yeah. And it was so weird thing where it was like I mean, it was it was just they they sort of glossed over it during this retrospective of, John Lennon. But it was like, yeah. It was understood that if you worked with Phil, you had to deal with him and his gun. And people are kind of freaked out by it. But it was like, no one would take it away from him. And, it's it's kind of a weird society we live in, if you think about it, or maybe it was. Like, there's lots of rules, but on the other hand, the crazy guy's got a gun and no one's really gonna say anything about it. So it was pretty obvious that this guy loved gunplay. He loved crazy hair, and he was just clearly just out to lunch. Don't love any one thing too much because you end up creating a lot of circumstantial evidence against yourself. Like, if Jay Leno is implicated in running over somebody at the Duesenberg Yeah. It it wouldn't take a lot to believe that. Yeah. And it's like his his, defense that it could've been any Stanley Steemer in Burbank is not gonna hold up real good. That's right. Alright. Shall we, move on to the next, category? Wow. Guest of the year. Excited for this one. The nominees for guest of the year are Steven Adler. My personality in that band was the one who stood up to everybody. Right. And and and was the one who had at least a little common sense to say, hey, like, I would like, I asked him if he would like, in the middle of the first song, once or twice, he'd throw the microphone down and leave. That's a true And I would go back there and I would go back there and say, dude, you can't do that. And I would explain to him, I said, dude, remember when we were going to concerts, how hard it we had to work to save up the money to buy a ticket to go see our favorite band. Because all those people just did that for us. We can't just do one song. Come on. Yeah. And then go back out there. You're like, do you think Paul Revere and the Raiders would have done that back in the day? Years going to my real f**k this. Guy. Yeah. I'm out of here. I'm leaning on a lamppost. He's, two lines. Kicks just keep getting harder to find. A Cherokee nation and then steps right off the stage. Hell no. His Raiders wouldn't let him do it. Let him do it. No. They were dressed in cool outfits. Yeah. Yeah. We were young, and and we it was all when you're young and have grow up with nothing, then all of a sudden, here's everything. I mean, when we when with the drug scene back then, we wouldn't even have to open our mouth. I honestly tell you, all we would have to do is think it, and we look down at the table, and there'd be drugs. Right. And boom, pop that. It was I know you're sober now, but could you think about some drugs for me? I'll buy a lot of alcohol. Use a little booger too. How do you know I I did drugs for 30 years. I can't just, you know, take all those memories away. I'm always gonna think about it. So so act on it. Was it was it so you're saying back in the day when you guys were touring That's interesting. Everything was landing in your lap that Real fast. Would you say that the shows weren't as good as they could have been because of the drugs? Well, near the end. Yeah. Near the end on my part. You know, I threw everything away. And for 20 years, I I blamed, you know, science and Dawson is an a*****e for I for letting me down. I thought they let me down. But then when I started working with doctor Drew Mhmm. And, you know, listening to him and working with him, I realized that they didn't let me down. I let them down. Right. And it was me who f**ked up. I took everything for granted, and and threw it all away. Ed Asner. No high rises ever gone down by fire. Those buildings fell at the rate of gravity in 10 seconds flat. So Or close to yours. So I had heard, Ed, that when the impact of the plane knocked a lot of that stuff off of these beams, and then when the Jet a fuel started burning, the the beams melted. But to that, you would say what? Bulls**t. Really? Well, then who's who's behind it then? Well, We'll never know from the type of investors. You think is behind it? I think that there is a certain area of government Mhmm. Which which probably participated in this. Participate in what way? Turn a blind eye or actually participate? Well I mean, in a more proactive way. Brought them down by themselves. And Bobby So you're saying that there were explosives in explosives. In the building. Bobby Lee. At at the end of my second season of Mad, I was taking 30 Vikings a day. I stopped showing up to, like, table reads and sketches. Mhmm. So they gave me intervention. There was a second showed up and said get it together, dude? Yeah. Yeah. There's a poster of him. You know what I mean? And then, I threw away all my Vicodin. Right? And they wrote me another sketch of Connie Chung sketch, and I felt fine. Right? And so Friday comes and I'm, like, about to shoot the sketch, Connie Chung, they put me in the makeup and I'm sitting in the makeup chair and I start shaking, like, to the point. Yeah. I thought I was gonna die. Like, I thought my organs You were doing 30 a day for about how long? A couple years. A couple years? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So And I was drinking too on top of that. And I'm at the set and, you know, there's a there's a audience and, you know, the lights turn on and they go action and I go, good evening. I'm and I was gonna say Connie Chung and I'm saying it, I pooped. You really? In my pants. Wow. And you could see it come down the stocking. Really? Yeah. And then and then it's cut. Right? Were you wearing pants or wearing a skirt? Dressed up as Connie Chung as Keep going. I'm getting horny. And then, I remember Dick Lesucci, the executive producer looking at me and going, you're gonna do this. I don't care. You're finishing it. I remember it taking 2 you know, 5 minutes sketch taking hours. I did line by line and so I'm packing up my dressing room. I remember none of the cast had helped divided me. Right? It was the last show of the season. Mhmm. And I remember crying off a lot like I just f**ked up my whole career. Wow. Provocative, moving, disturbing. And the guest of the year, Steven Adler from Guns N' Roses. I like the All The Man's Stories, and, nice to see him sober. We've sent a consolation to the runner-up Ed Asner, his rant who was, in fact, synced up to some footage from Up. And it's on YouTube, and it's fantastic. Oh, from this show. Yeah. Some some of the conspiracy theory and and let the old man come up. Awesome. It's fantastic. Where we at? Big finale. Big finale. The rant of the year. I'm excited to hear this one. Who's gonna win? The nominees for rant of the year are United Airlines. You have a policy. Fine. You have a policy. And we broke that policy. Although I would argue everyone else is being anywhere from 20 minutes to 30 minutes and you being nearly double that is a little excessive, but that's your policy. 45 minutes. And you know what? We showed up 43 minutes instead of 45 minutes before the cutoff. Deserted With with no bags to check, but yet body in the air. But yet we did it. And technically, Donnie screwed the pooch because he did not pre register us and did not check us in in advance. But here's the other thing, there's no reason for your people to be rude. There's no reason for them to throw that attitude at us. All we were trying to do is is we were trying to fix a conflict, and with a simple thank you or even a sorry or let us see what we can do or let us at least open the computer. No. You're f**king horrible employees at McCarran completely and utterly flatlined. No eye contact. No. I feel your pain. No nothing. Just s**tty, god awful f**king service for people who paid to patronize your business. I don't even think it was You will not hear the end of this. This will not be the last of it, and we will punish United in one way, shape, or form. Well, and we're still talking about it. Especially the 2 asswipes Yeah. Who worked that f**king counter. Time Warner Cable. Woke up this morning to no Internet. It had been shut off. Why was it shut off? Well, the bill was late, and then it got paid. When Lynette called them and said, hey. The bill got paid. Why did you shut it off? They said, yeah. Our bad, but you are on the list to be shut off. The guy physically came over and shut the Internet off, you know, last night at some point. Now here's the beauty of it. Oh, you want a guy out? Oh, boy. Let's see. Of course, you get the window from 1 to 4 o'clock. I f**king love that window. If you get 1 to 4, you're lucky. I I know you're lucky except for they f**ked up. They f**ked up. The bill is paid. The bill has been paid for several weeks, and they said, our bad. Now suck it. f**k off, Time Warner Cable. And Lin and Alex and the MTV methadone joke. You know when Prince basically announced a few weeks ago that the Internet was, Over. So MTV wanted to do this thing, which was what were we gonna do to occupy ourselves without the Internet? Here's what I finally come up with. Call me old fashioned, but I say we replace it with family time and a little something called good conversation. Just kidding. I guess we just have to start doing massive amounts of methadone. Okay. So then I get the email back from the gay the guys, and they go, MTV wants us to tweak the meth joke. I then replied, f**k it. You get nothing. Now here's the deal with these asswipes. 1st off, I guarantee Lyn and Alex didn't go look up what methadone was. I'll guarantee the asswipe r****ded MTV didn't go look it up. It's got a complete context. Yes. We're weaning you off this substance you're hooked on. It's a joke. Right. It's a f**king joke from a f**king comedian. What the f**k is wrong with everyone? And leave me the f**k alone. And here's the deal. Could I tweak it? Yes. Will I tweak it? f**k you. Jesus Christ. The f**k is wrong. All you f**king non funny people that don't have a creative f**king bone in your body except the one your boyfriend just shoved up your ass, shut the f**k up. Shut up. You're not f**king funny. Now shut up. Yeah. A little of that's built up from a f**king career of having super unfunny people try to tweak your stuff. Well, make it funnier. I can't tell you how many notes I got writing sitcom pilots where the note was be funnier. Make it funnier. Really? Oh, God. This town is f**king horrible. And the thing that piss me off about that one is it was called methadone, and I got the I got the email that said they don't like the meth joke, as if I was talking about methamphetamine or speed. Methadone is a drug that's prescribed by doctors. Meth is something that he'll always cook Alright. When your own people don't know the f**king difference between methadone and meth. Okay. Rant of the year, the methadone joke. Thank you. Alright. Well, how do we, bring this home? I wanna thank Mike Lynch and, Dawson. Dawson? I don't know what his last name is. Point is this these guys, worked overtime putting this baby together and, one day this is going in the Smithsonian that's right right next to Archie Bunker's chair and, Ed Asner's r****ded theories. Boy, does he hate this country. Ed Asner hates this f**king country. His son wasn't holding him back either. No. Well, I'm sure he's poisoned him a little bit too, but, he started off with this weird kind of, yeah. Sure. The, Americans could've, rescued all the Jews that were now in forty two, but we decide not to. So I was kinda like, alright. But we still we still fought the good fight. Right? And then, later on, that got into, the towers coming down. It's just a good old fat good old fashioned hatred for this country. So, works very nice. I can tell you he's excited to defend his, his award for next year. Yeah. Yeah. That's good. So Isaac's already got some stuff planned for next year. Alright. What day is it? What day does this, show air? Friday. Alright. Some big weekend coming up Yeah. Everybody. Let's, take ourselves a little extendo break. You guys enjoy yourselves, over the holidays and over the weekends. And until next time, this is Adam Carolla from Bald Bryan and Isaac Hayes saying Mahalo. Alright. This Adam Kroll Show 467. It was the first ever Ace Awards for the podcast. It was actually the 4th annual. Coming up next, we have Adam Kroloshev, 725, the very next Ace Awards, the second time done for the podcast. This time with guest Larry Miller and, of course, Allison Rosen joining them, and she's now cast under the show. Hope you guys enjoy this episode. I hope it explains a lot of missing ore. Oh, oh, O'Reilly Auto Parts. O'Reilly Auto Parts is in the business of keeping your car on the road. They offer friendly, helpful service, and parts, and knowledge that you're gonna need to maintain and do the repairs yourself. I've always used O'Reilly. I've, used to hit the one up on Foothill when I was in La Crescenta renting a house, keeping that, Isuzu Trooper on the road. And they got thousands of parts and accessories in stock either in their store or online. So you have, well, you don't have to worry if you're in a jam. You can go online and get your stuff. You can go into a store and get your stuff. The team at O'Reilly Auto Parts can test your battery for free in or out of your car, which is nice because sometimes it's tough to get those babies out of the car. You need your windshield wipers replaced, the brake light fixed, or a quick service? Well, they'll help you find the right part or point you to the nearest local repair shop as well and get help there. Whether you're a car aficionado or an auto novice, you're gonna find the employees at O'Reilly Auto Parts are knowledgeable, helpful, and best of all, they're friendly. The professional parts people at O'Reilly. Mhmm. O'Reilly Auto Parts. One stop shop for everything, especially if you're a do it yourselfer for your car. In store, online. You can stop by O'Reilly Auto Parts and do it today, or visit us online, o'reilly auto.com/adam. That's o'reillyauto.com/adam. Alright. I was getting my haircut today. You can tell I look fabulous. And I went to the barber and I went to a place where it's $10. And before you roll your eyes, it's $12 for a ladies haircut. So it's no cheap barber. Okay? It's a $10 barber. Joint. And, I went in there and, first off, it's it's a weird thing, the haircutting thing, because the guy who was cutting my hair was 50 and I and in 50, 55 and I could tell he'd been around for a while and he was very skilled and he wouldn't use the clippers. I think that clippers the clipper is to the to the barber unless you're cleaning up the back of the neck, but the clipper to the barber is sort of like when the guy pulls the bridge out in the pool game like, Like, okay. Yeah. We got an amateur here. He doesn't know. He has to get the stick out to help him with his other stick. That's chicken s**t. Minnesota Fats, Paul Newman would have never. Tom Cruise would have never done that. So my hair which grows sort of like a sheep, they they did just sheer it. You know, they normally just, you know, he Make a seat cover out of it. Stilled and he was doing the cut and the finger and the the nice action and the rhythm going. And at first, I thought, why is this guy working at the $10 haircutting place Because he's just as good as any guy you'd find in Beverly Hills and no one would know the difference. But then I was more annoyed by this, second thing is it was me, him, another guy I recognized from the last time I was there. He's my guy's 55. The other guy's 56. I'm 47. There's probably a 42 year old chick in there who's working there, and then a 50 year old dude, thereabouts comes in and sits down. And I realized during the holidays this is the music we're listening to. That's where Paul Bryant's gonna find his music cue there, and he'll play what is being pumped through the barbershop. Do you have anything, Brian? Yeah. Yeah. And we're all just sort of sitting there. Along this road And I've heard about 4 versions of this song. You know? Oh, man. And it's Does the song kick in at all? It's on a kick in there for auto tune song. Thanks, Mike. Anyway, now I'm pissed off. So I said, what's the point is it's a really f**king annoying song. Yes. Thank I think you guys nailed it. Yes. Yes. And right. Except for I wanna not beat one. But, anyway, so I'm listening to this thing and I'm going, is anyone dancing? Is anyone give a s**t? How old is everyone here? 20 Yeah. And I'm looking around and I'm and I said, does anyone like this song? And they said, no. And I don't I don't like this music. I said, do you do you, 55 year old white guy behind me cutting my hair, do you want do you wanna hear this music's for dumb 13. It's for 13 year olds. Right? And and they went yeah. And I said, well, no one likes it. Right? No. Well, why don't we change the f**king channel? And they're like, I don't know. I guess we could do that. And I said, put some Christmas music on. I'm gonna have a classical. And they're like, yeah. Okay. And the guy goes and finds the oldie station, and he says, alright. Are you are you good? Because we won't make you happy. I said, don't don't do it for me. I'm out of here in about 2 minutes and 15 seconds because when you get the $10 haircut, it lasts 8 and a half to 9 minutes, and I was 7 minutes into this f**king auto tune bulls**t. And I said, let's not for me. You work here. You have to sit here and bathe in this f**king horrible robot bulls**t. This this is music that's made by Dustbuster, and you f**king see your and your your average age of everyone in this room is 51 in 9 months. This is what we're doing. This is what and would this have ever existed in the past? You know what I mean? Like, would an old Italian barber listen to some f**king, you know When people went to get that mix powdered, they did not listen to this. Yes. Yes. Yes. So So then when they changed it, did the price go up? When they changed the music, did the price go up? It should've. I always just, tip the guy. But what the f**k? When did this become I I know. I bring this up every day. When did this become the default soundtrack to our lives? When did this be this is the background music of feeling like The music is shock to you. Just playing in the background of everything. Wherever you are, this is what's cooking in the background. What are we doing? We're by the way, we're getting a haircut. We should not be dancing. You're holding scissors by my ears. What? Kim Petiot. I'm sitting in a chair with a f**king bib on me and a poncho, and you're standing behind me. What are we doing? You know why? Because in a movie that involved a vignette where people went to get haircuts or try on clothes, Larry, you could weigh in. You've probably been in movies like this. This is the music that would be in the background. Yes and no. First of all, it might be, but I think see, once again, not surprising that we we the same head on this. I'm the only other guy I've ever met, and this didn't come out to just now. When I'm on the road, which is pretty often and the road managers there with me, we eat around 4 or 5 in the afternoon after doing the sound check and the queues and everything. And the restaurants are empty, and I'm the only one who says in a Chinese restaurant, in an Italian restaurant, you know, and it's empty. And I always go say to the waiter, do me a favor. You mind if we, turn this off? Yes. Because say that. I always say that, and then the guy will think I just said, why don't we bring in an animal and cut its head off? Why don't we do that thing at the end of apocalypse now and take a hunk out of out of an ox? And he looks at me and he says, well, we're supposed to have it on. And I say and and then I become the idiot because if I'm asking for something untoward and I say to him, do me a favor. There's no one in here. Right? Do you need it? Well, no. Either with an accent or not. Well, the boss usually, do me a favor. We're the customers here now. Just turn it off. It's it's interesting. And they do, but they take it again. Brian, because I and I told you, Mike August and I were in a sports bar in downtown Detroit, deserted, deserted. And we're just sitting there having a cold one, just killing some time before the flight, and this s**t is this s**t is pumping. It's just pumping. And me and Mike are both just sitting, like, under the speaker, and I can't hear him. And I certainly can't hear the game. And I'm like, what what is going on? And I we told him, could you turn it down? And then we went to another sports bar at the airport, and it was the same f**king thing. And it's somehow the 13 year old had taken over, and it's driving me insane. This music sucks. Nobody wants to hear it. And and stop feeling. Alright. Stop it now, Matt. Alright. I was talking to, a guy who's a legendary, car designer named Pete Brock. The other day, I was in his home in Las Vegas. I had a nice visit with Brock. Brock's the guy from BRE. He built my roadster. It's if you know anything about vintage racing or about racing, he built the fur he worked with Shelby, Carroll Shelby, and he built some of the first cars, Carroll Shelby, and that's Pete Brock. He's he's a legend. He he's one of these guys who graduated from the Pasadena, Art Institute when he was 9. He didn't graduate. He left at 19 to go to GM to start working on the Corvette kinda, you know, the first guy to pencil the Corvette and all that kind of stuff. But, anyway, he said, hey. You know, I really like your car show that you do on speed, but it's so fast. Like, right when you're getting to something, it's over. And I said, yeah. That's what they do. That's hurry, hurry, hurry. Graphics, graphics, graphics. Music, music, music, and then we're done. It's an apology. Everything is sped up. Everything has to have some soundtrack pumping under it. And it yeah. I said if you ever even this show, I said you can't watch a sports you can't watch a news station without 4 crawls rolling underneath it. It's driving me insane. People wanna let let it breathe. Stop being so insecure. Stop pushing everything so hard. That's why podcasts are popular. It's like the only media right now that lets things breathe. Then I announcers. There's if you listen to a game on radio and I do a lot whether it's football or baseball or anything, you wanna say stop. Keep stop filling. Stop filling. Stop filling. Lesson phrase. Variably, they go over something and then suddenly see, and that's a home run. Because the guy is still talking and talking Yes. For nothing. It's just filler, and I'm not a complete idiot. I can understand what people are saying, but I don't wanna hear it. Radio is terrestrial radio is going down that f**king garbage flume to the big gutter in the sky because they the PPMs, the, portable people meters have all shown it's all faster, better, shorter, quicker. There'll be no more long form interviews. It'll be everything will have a music bed underneath it. And if they could if they could run a scroll with the scores on it on your rate your car radio, they would. Alright. Anyway, at the g*****n barbershop for for great Neptune's Trident. I don't know. By the way by the way, I have this will seem like an odd thing for me to say, but I have a barbershop for you. Oh, really? It's on Ventura Boulevard. 10 dollars. Take the kids there, and there's no not only is there no music, but they have pictures of boxers on the wall. Oh. By the way, boxers from the thirties. Any briefs? Like but the names you don't hear that like Yeah. King Levinsky. You know? Like, you got smashed in nose and the little gloves. Yeah. And the point is and then they have the famous tennis poster of the girl scratching her butt without the wearing. Awesome. And and they have, I said I have a place for you. Alright. I will, I will go there as long as haircuts aren't more than $11. Alright. Shall we, get started with the ACE Awards? Oh, that was the ACE theme. That's my guess. First ACE Awards. This is gonna be awesome. Lynch was playing you off. Lynch, put this together quite nicely with Dawson, And, I'm excited because I haven't heard any of this. I don't remember anything I said throughout the year, so it's all gonna be brand new for us. First up is best impression. The nominees for best impression are Adam as Allison. They should have a special ticket where the game is pull yourself up by the bootstraps, and you scratch boots. Boots. Is that is that said? It should be a game where it's called pull yourself up by your own bootstraps. Adam, as Tab is smiling. Libby, tell you a story about a man named Jet. Poor mountaineer, better kept the fan fett. And then one day, he was shooting at some foods. And up from the ground came bubbling crews. Or whoever that is. Black gold. Texas dude. Okay. That was pretty good, by the way. Billy West as Joe Walsh. How you doing? That's what he says. Adam, as elephant hunting executive, bomb parses. I'm over there helping people, shooting elephants, people coming from miles around, buckets of elephant meat. Okay? Bull elephant. Bull elephant on the charge. We, what we, we did over there is we cleared out all the other elephants. Okay? I said, hey, elephants. Let's clear out. And clear they did. And, that's when I shut the vault. And, now we got a lot of happy villagers. And by the way, I gave him half off on domain names. Shootelephant.com is one of the ones that come up. And David Alan Grier as Maya Angelou. I heat up and I can't cool down. You've got me spinning round and round and round and round. It goes where it stops. No one knows. Every time you call my name, I heat up like a burning flame burning flame full of desire. Kiss me, maybe let the fire get higher. Abaracadabara. I want to reach out and grab a yacht. Abaracadabara. Abaracadabara. Freedom. Wow. Is there time for a late entry? Yes. I can do one impression. I'm ready. Now, this is going on 2,012. Don't be a oneepper like I said before. But it it won't come up again. Okay. So I'm willing to put it on for 2012. The only impression I do, Peter O'Toole is a supermarket checkout clerk. Alright. Why didn't you show me the coupons before? People been, tweeting more O'Toole on the show, like a bigger O'Toole presence on the show and I feel like we've had a limited we've had a limited presence on the show, but now Anytime the call comes in, you know where to go. Yes. You're welcome, listeners. Alright. I have to say your impression of me, that happened, I think, pretty shortly after I started on the show. Mhmm. And I remember at the time feeling, like, wow, I was just mocked mercilessly by Adam. I think he was calling me stupid. And then I listened back, and I thought, oh, I really overreacted, and it was funny. Yeah. I wish more people would do that with me. Realize that they were overreacting? Yes. Just realize they were wrong. You know? Oh. Yeah. I'm just having fun with your boots. That's all. Right. But I didn't realize I said it that way. Yeah. We have a winner. She'll do I announce it? Yes. It's, Adam Carolla's Tavis Smiley. I was pissed at Tavis Smiley because, Tavis Smiley was giving a a long winded speech about, just as many Christian terrorists and Catholic terrorists as there are Muslim terrorists and he was given that, you know, don't be naive. They're Christian and Catholic terrorists killing on this soil every day. Like, it was just such a f**king blowhardy bulls**t. Shut the f**k up, Tavis Smiley, who wouldn't have a show if he had to go out and compete, but he just I I there's a there's there's there's a difference to me and I can always feel it. There's there's a and we all see it in life and not just as it pertains to this country. There's that healthy skepticism, and you should be questioning and you should be you should be saying, well, you know, hey, government, you know, not so fast. Like, I agree with that. And then there's the part where you don't like somebody, something or this country. There's a difference. You know what I mean? There's a kind of a like, even on a personal level, there's a, you know, I like Larry Miller. I think Larry would be better served if he did a little more political humor and a little less stuff about his kids or something. There's a constructive part and then there's a, oh, looks like Larry's put on a little weight. And I worry because, you know, he has a father and I don't wanna see him but I he's I know there's health. You know, there's a bulls**t kind of a and then people would always say, hey. You know, it's my job to critique or it's my job to keep an eye on or I do it I do it out of love. I love Larry Miller and that's why I just called him fat because I wanna see him get in better shape or whatever it is. But you know that difference between the I there's a I have love for Larry Miller and I have a couple critiques and I don't like Larry Miller and here's a little different kind of totally disingenuous when you're just insulting someone but claiming the moral high ground in doing it. Yes. I I will create a list of people who aren't fans of this country, and, I'll put, I'll put Ed Ed Asner toward the top of that, list. Tavis will be a close second. Alright. Well, thanks. I won that award. What do I get, by the way? Some sort of crystal goblet, or do we just keep moving on? You get a big goblet of pride. Yeah. Alright. Best fight. Oh, I don't remember a single fight this year. I don't remember any fights either. It's exciting. And the It's exciting. And the nominees for best fight are Adam and Bald Bryan. Shut up, Bryan. You know what the f**k you're talking about. The second they said leaf blowers are illegal, they would come to you and they would go, hey, man, leaf blowers are illegal and we'd have to pay and we're gonna have to charge you an extra $20. There was a city They wouldn't do that? City is lousy with with potential, lawn mowers. So I said that it's a buyer's market and you can name your price. What? Alright. You you know what the f**k you're talking about. Thank you. Adam, Allison, and Bob Bryan. That whole story about the Seinfeld reunion stuff and all that stuff, that was all out. Everyone was talking about that long before the thing came out. It's not like it it snuck up on anyone. Yeah. Did it? Do you do you feel like everyone had a handle on that? Everyone's aware of that before it came out? Yeah. Everybody knew it was funny. Thanks for the wild enthusiastic back of Chuntage. Yeah. You guys have a somewhere between vacant and completely, like, just I don't I wouldn't I don't I hey, listen. I know I sound like an a*****e to everyone listening. You just have to come here and sit here and look at the 2 people I'm looking at. Angel. When I'm trying to get you to talk about this and I'm getting It's a Bill Buckner episode, and I'm on my side, full team. Yes. Thank you. Wow. That was a long and dag. Dude, I'll f**k you the f**king a*s. Look, f**k. I'm f**king f**king face. That was a real You bring that f**king s**t up here. House. I'll I'll get hold your hand. Oh, yeah. And then we're gonna take a shower together. I wash those balls off. Yeah. I'll f**king loof on those f**king balls. I'm good. Oh, yeah. I just lost my some action all over body wash. I f**king I f**king jacked that shaft up, motherf**ker. I lost my contact in there. Oh, boy. Adam and his assistant, Matt. I showed up for a meeting here at the premises, this morning at 10 o'clock. And I even thought about bringing, donuts in and then I thought, f**k those people. And I kept driving and then I walked up to the table and I saw a box of donuts and I thought, oh, this is kismet because I didn't buy any donuts. But here are a box of donuts and surely after the f**king long winded tirade I went on last week about donuts, this is gonna be this is gonna be a treasure trove of delightful round things for me to sink my f**king soup cooler into. And I walked up and first thing I noticed was lion share were raised. Mhmm. I feel I went over this in painstaking detail. And then the other ones were literally covered in orange s**t and orange jimmies and white stuff with red white and blue jimmies. And then of course, there's even the one that has candy corn all over it. So the ones that were cake were essentially destroyed by being dipped in brown s**t. And I thought, what what goes on that you can't just get a doughnut? It's like somebody took a pumpkin, shoved it out the a*s of a pinata, got it drunk on Sunny D, and it s**t on my donut. Now do you not like any frosting? Like, I understand Nobody likes that, Matt. Nobody. And And by the way, here are your choices. Crazed clown, crazed pinata, or or or f**king, Waylon Jennings and madam covered with f**king AIDS and seagull s**t. Like, is there any variety there, man? Is there any variety? You wouldn't just go give me give me 3 regular donuts? There may have been one regular donut that was consumed immediately. Oh, why was that one eaten? Or some sort of crazy person that broke in here and stole the plain donut with super low self esteem? What about these donuts that are pleasing to the eyes, they are to the palate? By the way What is the average age of the educated adult that was in this meeting, Matt? We're we're not talking about 9 year olds with down syndrome, are we? Definitely not. Average age, 41a half. Yeah. Yeah. I'd say it's about right. Who want donuts that are bright, that look like the Denver boot with candy corn on them? The big mistake was was telling her that I Retiring you. How should this place is you yelling at people? It's just for the love of Christ, I did 25 minutes on just get a doughnut, and that was 2 days before this doughnut debacle, this this this confectionery holocaust. First they came to your doughnuts. People are f**king with me. Right? Like, It seems that way. It's impossible to draw any other conclusion. Well, you've sat here and and listened to my arduous painful through what I'm saying. 20 minute donut. Just get the cake or the old fashioned style donut and leave it at that. Smash cut to a week later, that pile. I know. That is that that you would argue that the person is f**king with you at that point. It's not It's beyond it's not this is not just incompetence. Coincidence. Sorry, Matt. Yes. Right? It does seem that way. I spend the better part of my life just saying, coffee flavored coffee, donut, donut, iced tea, iced tea, and everyone goes I'm going to do something to change that for you. I'm gonna put a stripe of plum in your pumpkin pie. It's never a good thing. Alright. Where were we? Oh, the, by the way, the, the the David Alan Grier in my argument was about how homoerotic most guys turn when they start fight when 2 super tough dudes start arguing like boxers, it turns into I'll make you my b***h. Want some? You want some? I'll and then, you know, like, when Tyson would go off on something, it always immediately went, I'll f**k you in the a*s. I'll give you a prison style f**king and stuff. And certain point, it becomes very homoerotic because you're in it's it's your penis. It's not like someone says, I will go down to the train station, break off a hobo's c**k, and rape you with it. Then it's like, I will butt f**k you, which sort of makes you gay as well. Does it does it not? Alright. Anyway, the winner of, best fight is, Adam and Paul Brian with the leaf blower. I stand by that, Brian. Do you stand by your your horrible assertion? I do. But the lesson to take away from here is we need to we need to get better fights next year. Know what I mean? Because there's a lot of you yelling. Yeah. Yeah. You guys can yell back. What would make them better? I don't know. You guys yell back. Let's fight about something. Because after watching all that, I was just like, I never wanna go through any of that again. No. And the other one was I don't remember who the chick was from watching shows. I was trying to get her to talk about something and you guys were both giving her, don't say anything, kind of a posture to her, and I wanted some backup. I wasn't I wasn't feeling like I was getting support on I was trying to I I was I was trying to squeeze I was trying to squeeze something out of her by saying, yeah. No. It's alright. You can talk about it. And I I wasn't I wasn't feeling supported. Right. And as I said then, I actually did agree that she should talk, but I I wasn't communicating that, obviously. Yeah. Get a mirror. Tell your knees. Alright. Shall we, go on to the next? Let's see. What do we have? Oh, song of the year. This is exciting. Bonus category. The nominees for song of the year are Allison's news intro. Hey, guys. She'll read some news from her iPad. Sometimes it's good, sometimes it's bad. It's Allison. Allison. And when it's time to wrap it up, she'll sign it off with Zip It Cook. Love it. Sweeping the nation. Rich Banks tribute to Janie Lane. Rich Banks sent over a tribute. Hey, everybody. This is You may wonder why I'm wearing my black worn shirt tonight. Welcome to Bob's Classy Lady. We got a, 2 for 1 to keys at night. Jade, stage 4. Stage 4, Jade. Oh, just give me a minute here, for a sec. Amateur night. It's, Monday nights. Come on up, ladies. Drop your linen. Hold on. Excuse me. Give me a second here. Santana stage 4. Oh, that's Jade. I'm sorry. I'm just not myself. I'm sorry. I was up. Sorry. Here. Santana stage 3. Jade's a 4. Just do it, girl. Now, put your hands together. Show me appreciate them, fellas. I gotta believe if, what's his name? Janie Lane. Janie Lane is here right now. He wants y'all to stand up and make it rain about now. Tell you what, that's the tip of the cap to Janie. Next 20 minutes, half off, all champagne. Mini bottles only. This is man's buffet. Give me a minute. Script And the music version of the theme to Taboo 2. Oh, this is strong. Yeah. I played during Ace on the House. That last one sounded like bumper music for a mid morning show in the eighties. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah. One of those shows that come on between 9 and 11 AM. Frank and Matty or something, whatever it is. Morning, Tucson. Yeah. And, yeah, we'll be right back. And we'll show you how to make these out of pillows. You wanna make it. Right? You can make an omelet, but can you make the perfect omelet when we come back? And kick it in. That's that's that's when it kicks in. Right? Yeah. Yeah. The winner, by the way, song of the year, Rich Banks, Sad Cherry Pie. I feel personally robbed. You your news story is great and it's just the idea of the heavy hearted strip club DJ. I think that's That was one of the finest moments ever in the show. I laughed hardly the second and third times around. Very funny. Yeah. Just something funny about, the, heavy hearted strip club DJ. Alrighty then. Yeah. Larry's probably not familiar with the Taboo 2 theme song, the actual porn theme song to Taboo 2, but, we'll play that for you after the show. We have caller of the year. We have a, quick, previously awarded package. Oh, I like this. You mean, this is like the technical awards that were done. Creative and Yeah. This is where the all the engineers and the people that really don't look good in a talks. Yes. Maine Bleef hosted, this year? Yeah. And Yo Yo Ma. Okay. Well, let's hear that one. At a private ceremony held earlier, Ace Awards will give it out for the following categories. For most range, Adam Carolla and his animal characters. You want me to do my voice of, Bill e Goat again? Yeah. Yeah. I can't do that one more time. Hey. What's up? I'm, Bill e Goat. Yeah. Just cuts it off. Where do you go in your head when you do this divorce? I don't know. I don't wanna say touched by God, but, you know, lightly raped. Do you have thinking you do that little, patio stretch, the ostrich? Oh, I I mean, that was a long time ago, but I tried. Can't get as much. Yeah. Close your eyes. You're ready to be transported. Hey, I'm Patty O'Stretch. Dog. Get it? The ostrich. Hold on. I didn't finish. What's going on? For most inebriated guests, Patrick Warburg. Listen, I f**king had it up to here with Rolling Stone. Those asswipes, everything you wanted, f**king readers polls. Oh, yeah. You you wanna hear something, Top 100 bands of all time. Pearl Jam's not even in there. They got their heads so far up their f**king a*s. Yeah. That f**k rolling stone. The euphemism of the year, Brad Williams. If you ever seen the show, Cal, Californication, there's a scene where the girl, punches David Duchovny while she's on top. Mhmm. That happened to me. Really? In a, in a hotel room in Reno. That's A classy city. Punching the dwarf does sound like euphemism for masturbation. Right? Doesn't it? Hey, you know, guys, I'm just gonna go back before I go out, punch the dwarf a little bit. Take the edge off. For most names dropped, Adam Carolla. I talked to Joel McHale, Demi, and Ashton. Oh, wow. Courtney Cox. David Arquette was there. Knoxville was there. Emily Blunt, we did a shot. I was so drunk at that point. Like, the guy the bartender, I think, just pissed in and handed me. I was like, yeah. Don Rickles there. George Clooney. Wow. Of course, Stern was there and and his his beautiful wife had talked to her. Matt Damon, Ben Affleck, Mike Judge, John Favreau, Jeff Probst. I always talked to Probst for a long time. Good guy. Actually, about 20 minutes in the conversation, he voted me off, the veranda. Yeah. And the daytime Ace Award for best morning show went to hot cup of Jill and Ace Over Easy. If we're gonna do this show together, I need to, you know, I need to feel you rolling with these new stars because we're doing the show every day. Okay. Hot cup of Jill with Ace Over Easy. And then we just come out every morning and we're peppy. And we're sitting on stools, so but it's cat I gave some freak clothes. Yeah. I want some free and then we sit on we sit on our stools. Did anyone laugh at that? That is so funny that I just said that. I laughed. I laughed inside. And that's gonna be your thing. Did anyone laugh at that? Oh, yeah. That's good. And then we're gonna have Today, I'm a a. I'm waking up in Yeah. This is gonna this is gonna be our song, by the way. And we're gonna come down, and we're gonna have our super gay producer, Derek. And he's never gonna think anything's fine. We're just gonna see him shaking his head all the time, and he's he always wears a different suffering Derek. He wears a different color sweater Super producer. Every day. Derek. Yep. Got him. No. No. In You haven't hired him yet. Oh, we have Ryan. Cup of Jill and Ace and Lacey. Who he is, so we're making his name. We're we're gonna cast him. He's not really gonna produce his time. Real name is Gregory. Right. And we do a bit called where the heck is Bobby, and we send him all around the world. You know? Bobby's sleeping. And that's that's the joke. That's the joke every time we find out he's just asleep. Jill, what's in the news today? What's going on out there? Well, well, Herman McCain girl. Oh, Herman McCain. Oh, man. That's good stuff. Isn't there something interesting that he shares a name with the other McCain? Just Yeah. I don't know. How about the fact that there's a guy named Mitt and a guy named Newt and they're running against each other? I know. It's a weird thing that we got a president with the I'm not happy. I'm not happy. With any of them. This is good. This kind of hot talk will ask like what what's the problem? They're They're all Newt Newt's coming on on Friday. You can tell them yourself. What? She told me she wanted to do a show with me so I was trying to do do our daytime show but she wasn't I was I had trouble, defining, you know, what was what was role playing. We needed a safe word. That's right. In other words, when you wanna get out of it? Well, with the safe word would be me hitting her her on the head with an iron skillet. It was a safe movement. So the safe word would be bong. Bong. That'd be her skull hitting. Yeah. Yeah. She was fun. I forgot. I at the time, I knew she didn't know what the f**k I was talking about. Every time I was telling her we should do, I came up with hot cup of Jill with a silver easy and, I thought that would be our morning show and, she was having trouble with the reality versus, you know, the fantasy and the role playing part. I think once you go to Herman McCain you're not gonna get the role playing in the business. Probably right. Let's see. Caller of the year. Excited by this. Up there. The nominees for caller of the year are Molly. What's going on? Hi. Hey. What's up? You sound hot. Oh, really? Yeah. Now here's the code when you're hot. You don't have to say you're hot. About your clothes. Quiet down. You know? Quiet. Can you hear me? Or make you Quiet. Quiet. Are you gonna do it? Quiet. I don't think she can. I don't think she can hear me. No. I hello? Oh, she just she has noise in her head. Molly, do people tell you you're good looking? Did did I hear what? Bat. Hey, Bat. Hi, Adam. How you doing? Good. You don't sound like you would shoot up a Safeway at all. Thank you. Are you on the speaker phone, Bat? I'm at my mom's house and I'm in the the basement and I'm calling up the computer. She won't let me use the regular phone. I got the same thing going with my mom. Yeah. I know. Alright. I read your I read your book. It was good, man. Thank you, Bat. Do you wanna hear the story? Please. Well, you know, I I when I was growing up, I I had some friends and and they got a cat for Christmas. And and the cat was named Huckleberry. They had a cat for a couple years and it unfortunately got hit by a car. Sure. And and they buried it in the backyard. Sure. Just got time for In in in a toolbox. In a toolbox? Yeah. Matt, what are you doing for a living? I I well, I'm retired, kind of. I I'm on disability. Oh, sure. It's kinda I used to be a mechanic. Right. And this is this is a true story. I got my fingers caught in the sand belt, and I lost 2 of them. Mhmm. I couldn't do it anymore. Then they had me doing the, you know, the accounting. Mister Bad Ranch. Yeah. I couldn't I couldn't add her to the crack. But the point is is, you'd saved up enough to move back to your mom's basement. Yeah. Well, she likes me kinda, you know, come and go. Well, you explain to her next time she gives you a hard time. Nature or nurture, b***h. I'll leave it up to you. She'd kick my butt if I should He sounds like Miranda's boyfriend. Thanks. Yeah. Hey, maybe we can get you a guest spot on Bob's Burger. Okay. Yeah. That'll work. Hey. You know what, Adam? I like the the the that news girl. She's really, really good. She's easy on the eyes as well. Oh, thanks. You're my buddy. Right? The lotion in the basket. Thank you, and thank your mom for lowering my book down in the basket so you're gonna enjoy it. Thank you very much, Adam. The heck. It's worth the lotion in the basket. Is she drinking Oh, I'm back in the basket. It rubs the lotion on its skin. It does this whenever it's told. It rubs the lotion on its skin. It does this whenever it's told. It rubs the lotion on its skin. It does this whenever it's told. Now it places the lotion in the basket. Now it places the lotion in the basket. It rubs the lotion on its skin or else it gets the hose again. Skin. Wow. I'm in the bathroom. Brandt. Yeah. Get it on. What's going on, Brandt? So I'm dating this really intelligent girl, from Boston. So I grew up in kind of a fighty culture. I've lived in California and kinda chilled out on the pot and leveled out. I have an alcohol problem. It's not anymore because I don't drink. I'm gonna put 2 years. She's not ready to quit. She kinda kicked me to the curb recently. And I, she went away and masked masked the whole thing, you know, with while I sat in, like, the fetal position rocking. What's your question? Oh, I'm sorry. When is, when is enough enough? How is the sex? It's it's good. It's great. I'm sure now. He didn't say great. He said it's good. As a matter of fact, you'd no. Let me call you on your s**t, brother. You said it's it's it's good. That's not great. Yeah. Ask me something. Adam, ask me something. Dag. Yeah. How's your daughter doing? She's she's good. Yeah. No. You wanna hear great. Nope. You wanna hear great? Film career. It's better than yours, motherf**ker. I'm a say that right now. And Alec Baldwin. Hey, Tim. Sean Ace Men. Good morning. What time is it there in New Zealand? It's actually 5 o'clock tomorrow in the evening. I love that. I wonder how my What happens in the future? Yeah. I wonder how my day was. I know. It's been a gorgeous day here. Oh, man. I'll tell you. Hey. Sorry to interrupt. Alec Baldwin on line 2. Alec Baldwin on line 2? Yes. Alright. Hold on a second. Hey. Tim, good luck here. Get Baldwin's on. Hello? Did you just dump Tim? I dumped Tim from Auckland to speak to you, Alec Baldwin. You got a guy calling you from Australia? It's 5 in the afternoon over there. What's he doing? He's got plenty of time to figure it out before he goes to bed. You look like you're in phenomenal shape. Something's going on. You got the aids? You getting into pilates? What's going on? Or both? I'm taking that pilates you take when you have aids. It's it's aids pilates. Take this in the spirit in which it's intended, Alec. Lay me on the phone. You seem like an alcoholic. To be fair to your friends who don't know you that well. You know what I mean? You have all the characteristics of an alcoholic. It's a good thing. That's that's that's that means of a man who's just sexed by options. You know what I mean? I I seem like an alcoholic. Wow. He's good people. And the winner, hauler of the year, Alec Baldwin. Yeah. Just called in. It's an Auckland I thought it's in New Zealand. It is. I think it is. Yeah. Oh. Yeah. Poor Bat's gonna be devastated. Yeah. By the way, before Bat called you that day Mhmm. He pulled up in front of the ammo store, had the engine idling Right. Booked in Mhmm. And then thought, I'm gonna give it one more chance and call Adam and then pulled off. What was with him doing the silence of the lambs? He's insane. Right? I think our guests said he sounded like that. I know, but most guys can't go from sorta nut job to minor bird like that. You know what I mean? By the way, it's like psycho. If his mother isn't sitting in a chair in a closet tied to it after being dead for 7 years Yes. I don't know who is. Yeah. What But then some say some crazies or or slightly altered people Mhmm. Can't hold a normal conversation, but as soon as they start reciting, you know, written lines or lines they've heard in movies or song lyrics, they're like they're like savants. You know what I mean? Like most actors and actresses. Yes. No. I know I know what you're saying, but was he putting us on? Maybe he was putting us on the whole time. I think he just knew the the worst movie. Alright. I think he's fake. I don't know because he was very It was one of my finest moments. He's very specific. Yes. That was Brian at his best, and it makes it makes it all worthwhile when Brian has a moment like that. Yeah. All worthwhile. Mhmm. But we should call it the Brian Bishop show. Mhmm. The the moment, you know, where he said he lost a couple of fingers to a fan belt and then they moved him up into accounting or something like that. That was very specific. Like, most guys just go, I lost my job because I lost my finger. Now he said they moved thing. Said they said he moved him to another part of the business sort of feeling sympathetic, but realized he couldn't hang it. Do you know why they moved him, by the way? They had a meeting and said, if this guy gets fired, he's gonna kill himself. Yeah. He's coming back. He's coming back in a couple of weeks, and that'll be it. Oh, keep your friends close and your enemies closer like that. Alright. Now we have, one more before we take a well deserved break. This is guest of the year. The nominees for guest of the year are The nominees for guest of the year are Scott Thompson. You met this couple. Mhmm. Did they know who you were? Oh, yeah. It was very evident. They they they'd seen me in my show. Right. Right. So And they've been drinking during the show and they've been cut they kinda caused a bit of prob they were been loud and During during a stand up show? Yeah. Stand up show. Uh-huh. Where was this? What city was this in? Calgary. So after the show, they come up to you back stage? No. Right right right in the front, in front of people. She's like, why don't blow my boyfriend? And I'm like, yeah. We ended up having an amazing night and we ended up back at their house and and we got drunk and she made him strip to Led Zeppelin. It was just like a dream come true. And then we all had sex together and then at the end of it In through the outdoor. We all stood up. Michael Bean. Who would you rather go down on, your mother or your father? I feel like because my dad has not read my book yet, I'd be a little rough on him downstairs, dummy. So it's mommy. Let's just say I understand. I understand where you are. A bleeder. Fine. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, you don't want that either. If infection sets in, he's gonna be 80 in a few months. You know what I mean? How's your dad go? Well, I was sucking him off. Open casket. Right. God rest his soul. Right. So you made it a while. At the end of the day. Died doing what he was disgusted by. But you know what I mean? Who wants to say that? Blow by his son. Yeah. And besides and then I don't wanna overcompensate. Well, how's your dad pass What do you care? What the f**k? 20 questions? Who are you, f**king Columbo? He's dead. That's enough. That's enough. It sure isn't because I suck this c**k the wrong way. That's very g*****n sure. Yeah. I don't want that to happen. No. Mommy. Yeah. But what if you notice she'll get a boner? Andy Dick. I was with a girl, and she gosh. She was really hot too. And just she was she was young. I was young at the point at this point. And and there was just something it just didn't smell right down there. Right? Just didn't smell right. And long story short, she had lost a tampon up there for weeks. Toxic shock syndrome. I found it. Oh, you did? And it was black. Really? And it was I started I I didn't Oh. I didn't vomit, but I was dry heaving heavily. Right. I had something in my stomach. You had vomited moments earlier because of the booze. Albert Brooks. My daughter started to come out. She come Kim was coming too. She's gay? She she she will be. I know my son is gonna be. I now just pray he's gonna be a top. I'm I'm so manage my expectations. Wait a minute. So you're on a podcast right now actually using a joke that your son will be a top? No. I'm hoping. Don't jinx it. I have absolute huge theories that this, and I can prove it, that the sexes are merging. Oh, it's all in my book as well. It's an x, I'm saying, and we're about to cross. Yeah. Yeah. And It's not it's not like in the next generation, but we're heading there. We're getting there. And I said, you know, you make you can make gay jokes, but by the time my son gets to high school and he's going to his private school in Santa Monica, it's gonna be the opposite, which is, hey, Carolla. He's not sucking c**k. Let's get him. And then he's gonna have make excuses. No. I'm just tired from sucking c**k. I'm just taking a rest. You know what I'm saying? I I don't know about that. You don't? You don't know about that. That's just I don't know that discussion on the playground. You're right. Hey, Carolla. He's that second guy. He thinks he's too good to say. What school is that? I'm saying it's in Santa Monica in 2,027. That's all I'm saying. All I'm saying is this. Hey, girl. You don't butt f**k. I butt f**k. Let's get them. And Brian Cranston. The worst day of my life is when my wife's mom, Helen, went nuts, and she wouldn't take her medications. I said, Helen, listen. There's an ambulance outside, and you need to go in the ambulance to the hospital to get your medication, or we'll sit here and wait for couple of cops to show up, and then they will force you into the back of the ambulance. But maybe she would get good cop, good cop. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Do I smell muffins? Are you making You are the cutest. That is darling. Don't worry. I'll run and go get your medicine free. I'm sorry. Which closet is the slipper closet? You know what? I'll find it. My goodness. This is great what you've done here. Oh, you are not 75. Get the heck out of here. Oh, boy. Hard to pick. Those are good guests. Yeah. That was funny stuff. And I felt just as disgusted and entertained with the Andy Dick black tampon story this time around. Yeah. I hadn't thought about that in a really long time. No. How about Scott Thompson just basically saying that? Had forgotten about that as well. Yeah. Yeah. Kids in the Hall, he did, did a stand up gig. I'm gay. Met up with some swingers and just sort of went, partied down with them, sexed them down. Right. Yeah. I mean, Larry, it's basically life for you on the road. Right? You'd be surprised. Well, the winner, guest of the year, Bryan Cranston, everybody. Great guy. He was so good. He brought his wife and his daughter out when he kisser too. Not really. Yeah. I know. He was, he was one of the one of the most fun guests. He is just just a good guy. And I think when you're a good guy, it's hard to wring that out of you no matter how many Emmys you win. Another guy who's a great guy, Larry Miller, sitting in with us. We're doing the Ace Awards. We'll take a quick break. We'll be right back after this. Hey. How come no one's dancing? I don't know. All we've been hearing is songs about consensual sex by adults. Hey, everybody. Tired of songs that aren't about statutory rape? Statutory rape rock. Show it. Yeah. If you enjoy the statutory rape rock as much as I do and let's face it, they just don't write statutory rape songs like they used to. 60, 60. Statutory rape rock. Get out of my mind. There's always a veiled threat like, get out of here before I have the time to change my mind. Like, meaning, if I have one more beer, I will rape your a*s on this kitchen floor. Jerry Ray Frost. When the song She's Only 17 came out by Winger, I was probably 12 when I knew that was wrong. There's stuff that I can't talk about, but I can sing about it. Statutory Ray Frost. If I were to buy all these songs, I would spend over $200. Right. Little girl is your daddy. Statutory rape rock. If you were to go to stores and buy these individually, it'd be over $15,000 worth of well, now there's, like, you know, there's 5 CDs. Statutory rape rock. Call now. Someone's turning 18. That's right. Statutory rape rock. Get it now on Hobo Power Records. And now Alcoa presents the 2,011, 11 definitely not a Jew of the year. Dateline, Union City, Tennessee. A 37 year old man was charged with domestic assault after hitting his 55 year old mother in the back of the head with a ham. Definitely not a Jew. Well, back with the Ace Awards, 2011. Again, tip of the cap to Dawson and Mike Lynch and all who spent so much time making this just a fantastic show. Larry Miller. Gary. Yes. Chris and Gary as well, whoever those guys are. Larry, announced that it was a funny show during the commercial. Really is. Okay. You seem surprised. Frankly, I am. Alright. Well, let's keep on keeping on. The next category is previously awarded package. At a private ceremony held earlier, Ace Awards were given out for the following categories. Private. For best children's song, Adam Carolla. Let me tell you a story about a man named Jed. Took his ant alien, threw her on the bed, pulled down a zipper, and out came a worm, and out from the worm came a bubbling sperm. 6 months later, to Jed's surprise, aunt Ellie's belly began to rise. Ellie just thought it was a bunch of blubber, but uncle Jed forgot to use his rubber. That's f**king gold there, baby. For most disgusting moments by a male, Mike Schmidt. I never had any physical problems, any, you know, I I got an a**l fissure that sucked. But I mean, other than that, you know, that's because you're you have no stomach, you know, I mean, everything just goes right in and then right out, so nothing gets broken down. Mhmm. So, you know, you wind up s**tting out a pineapple and it's like, oh Jesus Christ. Yeah. Yeah. That's bad. Yes, it is. Yeah. What do you do with that a**l fissure? You don't sit down. For most disgusting moments by a female, Diane Hanson. I was at, a boyfriend's parents house where they've taken me down to meet the parents. They had a low flow toilet. This was in a retirement community in New Jersey. I couldn't get that floater going down. It was not gonna go down. I flushed like 4 times. So I just like whack a mole. I just I just got I grabbed that thing, opened the window, threw it out. They were on the first floor. Unfortunately, it was lying there on their side lawn. Wow. For threat of the year, Adam Carolla. Shut the f**k up all day. I'll give you more cancer. Thanks. For introduction of the year, the Mansfield University sound guy. Star of MTV's Loveline and Comedy Central's The Man Show, Adam Carolla has gone into digital media in a big way with his latest project, The Adam Carolla Show. Debuting in March of 2009, The Adam Carolla show I'm standing in the wings. Downloaded daily podcast and remains number 1 on iTunes with over 200,000 daily listeners. Adam, not content with just producing in a new media space, Adam has also established himself in the publishing world. Where are you today with the debut in Nashville, Pennsylvania? New York Times best selling book in 50 years will all be chicks. It's the only time I've ever felt sorry for myself. Named the top seller for 10 weeks on the book charts while rocketing to number 1 on the iTunes audio version, and as a result, Adam Carolla has been commissioned to do what? A second book scheduled for release in the spring of 2012. This is perfect, by the way. As if posting and writing isn't enough to keep him occupied, Adam has also created a live stage show playing to sold out audiences all around the country. The 18 people there appreciated that particular part. Parts of which you will experience tonight features Adam performing his trademarks Come through the show at this point. What can't Adam complain about? And why I hate LA together with a hilarious presentation featuring pictures and video and all the great stories fans have come to love about Adam and his journey from being a working carpenter from the San Fernando Valley to one of the Hollywood's very funniest celebrities. Now, ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Adam Carolla. Alright. Thank you. Pause that for a second. Perfect. Let let me let me say this. It's my fault because I I realize I'm way too casual with people. I see the guy backstage. I smell this one coming because I've done enough colleges and I say, I see the guy in the bad sweater and I say, I can see he's got a little a little flop sweat going and I say, what what do you got there, buddy? And he shows me a, you know, 3 page manifesto with my name at the top and I say, you know what? I've done this a lot and the best way to do it is just go, you know him from the man show, you know him from MTV, you loved him on Loveline, Adam Carolla. This if you stand up there and just read this verbatim, it's it's probably it's not gonna go well. So it's just a quickie, you know, brevity, soul of wit. So the the faster the better and then just just bring me out either way. It'll be easy on you. It'll be best for me. Okay? Alright. And then it's always smash cut to scroll red, you know, put on the glasses that I and I realized this is why celebrities turn into a*****es because they do the if you f**king read what you're showing me right now on stage, I will walk out the f**king back of this g*****n theater. I will kick in the side of the town car and I will go back to the f**king hotel. Do you understand me? I swear to god. I'll get my manager on the phone right the f**k now. Now here's what you will say, I'm gonna write it down on this c**ktail napkin and, monkey, you read it. See, you have to because I've done a million hey. You know what? Just a heads up. If you do this, that's gonna happen. So I just and then I walk naively walk back to the dressing room thinking, well, message sent and then it's I will then continue to do exactly what I was gonna do as if we never had the conversation moments earlier where I said you don't want to do all that. You sure you told the right guy with the bad sweater and the flop sweat? There was a lot of those guys out there. I mean, I was I was one of them. But, yes, I told the guy just I looked at the f**king 2 pages. Yeah. And I said, don't do it. You know what? It was perfect, though. You couldn't I could take acting lessons the rest of my life and not imitate the key on every line. You could nevers. Larry Miller first thought he was funny in 8th grade, And then you can almost hear me click the pistol in the side you This week with Larry Miller. Oh, right now. There was more of that. Oh, there's more. Sorry. I'm so sorry. For worst accent, Larry Miller. Oh. Are you kidding me? We've got to do it. I watch them all the time. I'm a I'm a fan. For best accent, Stephen Root. Stephen, say Buzz Bissinger as English a tongue as you can. Oh, Buzz Bissinger. You told me a thing where you're Trump bug Buzz Bissinger, and you're knocking on my door. Oh, Buzz Bissinger. Who's there? Come in. Who's there? Is it Buzz Bissinger? Buzz, is that you? Yes. It's me, Buzz Bissinger. Yes. What do you want, Buzz? It's late. What a lot to use you, Lou. Lou's here. He laughed already. I'm No. Not that Lou. Your bathroom, your tit. Wow. I got my I got my fingers crossed for Larry Miller, by the way. Alright. The winner. Mhmm. No winner. Those were previously announced. Oh, I forgot. They've already won. Yeah. They've already won. You may already be a winner, Larry. Yes. I am a winner. He was. Yeah. I forgot about that. Alright. Oh, no. No. I won. Come on. Oh, my vulva is moist. Best reenactment. Oh, that's gonna be good. The nominees for best reenactment are Adam and Larry Miller for pre interview. So really excited to have you, Larry. Thanks for coming out. What's going on? What can we talk about? Well, you know, if, he just throws it to me Yeah. I'll have some stuff ready. Now, what else what's going on with the family? Any any any, thing going on with kids? Kids playing some some ball or something? Yeah. Well, they are. But, you know, trust me. If it's just a minute or 2, I'll have stuff loaded and if you just trust me You're going on vacation, anything like that? I've been on many vacations. If you want to How much is yeah. Just something like that. What do you got? You you ever go out with your wife? Anything funny there? I have gone out with my wife. Just throw it to me. If you don't mind, just tell him to throw it to me. Tell anecdote. Do you have an anecdote about going on travel? Not in 50 seconds. But if if you just I'll give you 3 minutes. You have something going on travel. Sure. Yeah. I I I have, I have something, but it's just Do you mind if you could tell us one? Alright. Well, there was this is a good one. This is a good one. So I I get to the airport and I got all the kids and, Got all the kids at the airport. Kids at the airport? Yeah. This is great. And, so then it turns out that my wife didn't have her wallet because it was stolen the night before. So we had to and we have the kids there, but they don't believe that she's the the mother. This will be really fun. What else do you what else you got? Adam and Allison for renting an apartment. Give me your whitest name. Let's call you, Becky, Becky Smith. Honkington. Oh, that's good. Alright. Go ahead. Hello? Hi. This is Becky Honkington. Yes. I was wondering if the apartment on Elm Street is still available. Well, you know what? I rented it out to a black couple, but I'll toss their Negro asses out and move you in. And I know in the paper it says 1200 a month. Let's just call it 500 a month, and let me add another bathroom for you, sweetie. Perfect. Now do you, check credit? Not for white people. Oh, good. Because mine's negative 5. So be it. Come on down and bring more of your blue eyed friends. David Allen Greer and doctor Bruce for Michael Jackson drug or black kid's name. Propofol. Propofol. Propofol. Propofol. Don't act like you don't hear me. Propofol. Propofol. Little boy, tap him. Tap him. Look at me. Don't act like you can't hear me, Probo will fall. If I come off this voice, it's all in the pocket. It's only you're gonna you're gonna hit that. You're gonna feel my hand. Thank you. Street lights on. Bring your a*s inside. Lyta King. Lyta King. Lidocaine. Lidocaine. Your teacher called me. I know what happened with the chocolate cake in the lunch room. Now if you don't take your monkey hands back to school and correct that situation, I'm a put my flip flop up your narrow a*s. Thank you. Don't make me raise my voice again. Diesa Pam and Loraza Pam. Diesa Pam and Loraza Pam, you are my twins. My darling, wonderful, beautiful twins. Where is grandma's curling iron, please? It's heated up, and I smell something burning. Please. Can y'all please? This is all in Jackson's system. Right? All of these kids. And Adam and Rob Schneider trying to buy a boulder. This is my friend that gets you a good deal in this boulder. This one. No. You got to tell. Alright. Well, maybe we could just, you know, put a red flag on it or something. I'm gonna put a flag on it. I'm gonna put your name on it. I'm gonna put a picture of your wife and yourself and your kids on the other side of the boulder. I'm gonna crush the smallest child. Wow. Well, this one is a easy one. Best reenactment, DAG in Doctor Bruce. Wow. Larry was holding a side. Wow. Yeah. Pretty good. Oh. Yeah. I used to do that with him and, ingredients in birth control. I just decided doing, we're doing Loveline once that, somehow those would make great black kids names and, he jumped right into it and he's a talented woah. Talented dude. Extradayo. Extradayo. It's so f**king funny. It's so funny. Oh. Alright. Wow. Oh, we got best musical performance by a guest, coming up. Let's, let's listen to that, baby. And the nominees for best musical performance by a guest are Jesse Ventura. You know, UDT Underwater Demo Yeah. Goes, it goes like this. It goes, marines drowning in the waves. It's UDT who always saves. And when a job they cannot do, it's UDT who pulls it through. Although they claim they're first ashore, UDT's been there before. Oh, leather necks on dented knees can kiss the a*s of UDTs. But I say that with a typical rivalry. Don't get me wrong. The marines are tough son of a b***hes. Wow. That's all the voices you need to hear. You tell Becky to get on the back of your motorcycle. Go, Becky. Get back on your g*****n motorcycle. Going out to the edge of town. Going out to the edge of town. I know your papa don't like me. Oh, your papa ate my guts. But your your uncle's a big fan. But your uncle is a pretty big fan. I don't have any money. Don't have any money. No. I don't have a job. Got no job. I got a dream. Can't believe what I got a dream. And Clay Aiken. Standing tall on the wings of my dreams. Rise and fall on the wings of my dreams. The rain and thunder, the wind and haze, I'm bound for better days. Wow. Good times. And the winner for best musical performance, Ben Folds. This is Bruce Springsteen. Love me some Ben Folds. God, that guy's good. Please get into Ben Folds. It will make you smarter. Best drop by a male. Oh, I like this. The nominees for best drop by a male are Adam Carolla. Let's drink some beers and rape. Matt Fondolier. Whoever stole my inhaler, I demand you return it posthaste. Mike Dawson. Roses are red. Violets are blue. It's rare to find a foxy Jew. Eddie Ift. Man, those are some saggy eyeballs. And Adam Carolla. Adam, stop being such an a*****e and start listening to people. And the award to best mail drop, it's Adam Carolla. Let's drink some beers and rave. Oh, my favorite. Now, to best female drop. I'm interested in this. The nominees for best drop by a female are Alison Rosen. Eat More Pussy. Alison Rosen. I agree with Charles Manson. Allison Rosen. I recently was on the receiving end of an aggressive rectal exam. Jane Goodall. You cannot imagine how wrong you are. And Alison Rose. I don't give a f**k. I smoke weed all day. If you've got a problem, you can f**k off. I'm real. I'm a tell you straight up. If you can't handle the truth, get the f**k off my Facebook. And the winner for best drop female, Allison Rosen for her. I agree with Charles Manson. I think that was my first drop. Yes. Alright. Let's bring it on home with rant of the year. And the nominees for rant of the year are Carney's hot dogs. Half of it is Carney's fault. As a matter of fact, a 100% of it is Carney's fault. The other part is living in LA and the other part is all the a*****es that show up there. But the dogs are great because they steam them and they snap when you bite in the casing and get that rough rush of juice. And I always get the Chicagoan style with the mustard and the relish and the onion and whatever. And that's the hot dogs. And at a certain point, they started like expanding. And okay, you can get a hamburger too. But I sort of go, look, you go to Carney's, you get a hot dog. It's like it's what you do, Like, Carney's. It's Carney's hot dogs. And okay, if you want a burger, I guess they do a decent burger. But here's where the trouble comes. We're in f**king LA, and there's people that are ordering taco salads and vegetable burgers and all kinds of stuff. A white omelette. When you stop and go for the taco salad, stop the line. They have to actually, like, go into the other train, like, in a caboose and go, where the f**k is the taco salad? And where are the little bits and the stuff? And of course, then you got these a*****es, and these a*****es are like, taco salad with no tortilla chip. You know, you're talking to people barely f**king speak English, you know. No this, hold that, extra that, no cheese on it. And then they're pulling up. And now they're saying, I need a lid for my salad. I don't I don't have a lid. I'm carrying the sal. I need it. And it's like, it's f**king Cardi's hot dogs. If you want a f**king taco salad, you go down the g*****n street. The lottery. How's, how's that lottery treating the school system? How's it going there, Lotto? Gotta keep that r****ded form of community, to your citizens, especially send to a community, to your citizens, especially to students is play the lottery. It's the worst. It's hey, but you're not going anywhere. Maybe you get lucky. I doubt it. Here by scratcher. It's a horrible message to send. It it really is. It it's just a f**king it's the opposite of everything that this country is. Right. Here's here's what this country is. Level playing field, roll your sleeves up, get to work. Bust your a*s. Hey, man. You can do it here. You know, maybe you can't do it in, Egypt and maybe you can't do it in China, but you come out here, you bust your butt, you'll thrive. I don't care what you wanna do. Roll up sleep, study hard, work hard, blah blah blah. Lottery is, hey, man, spin the wheel. Maybe you'll get lucky. It is the antithesis of the message of this country yet. We just keep ramming it up everyone's ass, and it just preys on stupid dumb people. Occupy Wall Street. We created a bunch of f**king self entitled monsters. Mhmm. And this has become the pursuit of my life where people are so far out of it and what they expect and what they think realistic is and what the the set of rules that pertains to them versus the other guys because that's what the bottom line is. I want my most valuable player trophy. We're the slowest, fattest guy on the team. Why should he get one and I don't get one? Because he busts his a*s and he runs a 4440. That's why he gets one. Well, this is bulls**t. Self entitled pricks who think the world owes them a living. Instead of looking in the mirror and go, why the f**k am I not doing better? You just find some guys got more s**t than you and go, hey man, what do you need all that s**t for? It's the same version of, hey man, what do you need an MVP trophy for? Because I bust my a*s. That's why. Or maybe I'm just genetically better than you. Either way, buddy, I got the trophy. So shut the f**k up and get the f**k back to work or better yet on the bench where you belong. This is what's going on. So they're feeling shame. They've been shamed by life because they haven't been prepared for life. 've been shamed by life because they haven't been prepared for life. They've been told they've been at so much smoke blown up their f**king collective asses. By the time they get out in the real world and they real realize real world doesn't give a f**k where you're from or what your mommy said you were or how pretty you are or what a f**k where you're from or what your mommy said you were or how pretty you are or what you do, they don't give a f**k what anyone and all those lies that were told to your parents about how special you are and how no one was created like you and all this bulls**t advertised with Nike and all this such as just one you and you take it all and it's your world and all that Reebok s**t. Doesn't mean s**t when you get to the real world, and you're just looked at as peon number 27 who's putting in an application. And guess what? I don't like your attitude, douche. f**k douche. a*s douche. a*s douche. Get your f**king feet off my desk and hit the bricks. I'm not hiring you. Then now your plan is to come back and throw a brick at my window. That's your plan. This is what's going on. It's this envy and shame and there's gonna be a lot more of it. Because it used to be back in the day, father be walking his son down the sidewalk and you'd see a guy go buying a Rolls Royce and the father would say, there goes mister Jenkins. Look up to him. That guy works hard. That guy built a company. That guy built an empire. Now look at him. He's got his Rolls Royce. He's driving up the hill. But what do we do now? Now it's like, oh, look at him. Look at him. Does he need that car? Why does he need that car? I'm driving a f**king Chevette. Why does he get to drive that f**king car? You know, let's go up there and throw a rock at it. That ain't gonna help you get out of Chevette, a*s douche. That's right. That's f**ked to work. And by the way, parents, society, we are creating a group of self entitled monsters. Knock it off. Sid and Marty Croft. They're horrible, ham fisted hacks who who single handedly attempted to ruin my childhood with their horrible art. How you can take the 2nd worst movie of all time and the 2nd worst television show of all time and turn it to a stinking pile of cat s**t rolled in aids jimmies. And by the way, it's it's stars Will Ferrell and it flops completely. They make a f**king horrible TV show into a horrible movie that does no business even though it has one of the hottest comedy stars on the planet at the time and and now it does nothing and here's what Hollywood here's how Hollywood processes that information. Well, you know what? Let's get going on Sigmund and the sea monster because that show was even worse than Land of the Lost. Really? That's our response. Thank god somebody mercifully pulled the f**king plug on that pile of steaming hippo flop. Look, here's my little thing. Either either get to be rich or you get to be an icon. You don't get to be both. I'm just spreading the word before these guys die that they're f**king horrible hacks. They've done more damage than that that Japanese earthquake and somebody needs to f**king stop these guys. Stop making their f**king films again, you r****ded Hollywood asswipe dumb f**k executives. God, are you guys f**king stupid? Somebody needs to walk into their office, grab their laptop or their typewriter or their mechanical pencil and f**king throw it on the ground and break it and go, you can never touch another thing that creates. s**t that comes out of your brain. And Subway. Familiar is good when you're dumb. My dog eats the same f**king thing every single day. 7 days a week. It's a 55 pound sack of the s**t. Eats it every day. He's just as excited every f**king day. Dumb people love eating the same s**t. When you're smart, you want variety because you get burnt out really quick eating the same thing and especially listening the same s**t. And I drive around all day and I just hear the same f**king 5 horrible songs on the radio. And I see that Subway is number 1 and across the street there's Giamellos or some just sub shop, a sub joint with an old Italian guy. And I was gonna say for an extra dollar, but it's the same price. For $5, you can go over there to get a real sub sandwich, not someone wearing those weird baggy glove things weighing out the meat that's put together like particle board and is like little pre weighed. I don't want f**king pre weighed. I don't want a guy weighing out the gravy before he dumps it on the meatballs. All this pre whatever s**t. So you get this weird generic and bad version of look, it's fine if it's the kind of thing where you're over at someone's house and you've helped them move, then they went, I just went to subways and I got 3 Italians, 3 tunas, and 3 turkeys help you, you know. But if you just have a choice, the f**k are you going over there for? And I f**king feel like I'm being raped. I I feel like I'm being raped by everything in our society. Like, stop beating me over the head with this s**t. I know it's familiar to you dumb people. Leave me alone. And everyone just goes, oh, I like it. Oh, Subway. Oh, I like it. No. You don't like it. It's not a good sub sandwich. It's the one you know, and you're dumb. They'll be they'll be signing on as a new sponsor in 2012, by the way. Wow. Rant to the year, everybody. Occupy Wall Street. Thank you. People picked it up. Seem to resonate with, a lot of people. Hastain power. Yeah. That's what you want. Well, wonderful wonderful job once again by, Gary and Chris and Dawson and Lynch for putting this, together. He really, makes you look back on the year and go, wow. I'm a blow heart. You know what? It's a heck of a show. Love Larry Miller. And, now we got a party here. And, again, I don't know how many people are roaming around back there. 100. I see some a*****e sitting on one of my car hoods. Do a minute. Tosses it. We got a bunch of people here, and we have the people that work here, and we have their spouses and lovers and friends and family. Where's the party? And we're gonna get drunk, and we're gonna eat flop flop steak. We're gonna eat flop steak off, off of mongray. And, once again, thank you all for making this a great year. Thank you all for supporting this program. Thank you all for giving us enough money to throw a Christmas party at the end of the year. Thank you for buying the books. Thank you for coming out to the live shows. Thank you for going to Amazon. Thank you for supporting the other shows that are on this network, and there's some really good ones coming up. Some big names, big surprises, some real good stuff coming in 2,012. The pirate ship is set sail for Treasure Island, and you guys are the wind that moves its hull through the majestic sea. I thank you. I wish you a great, great holiday and a great, great Christmas with your loved ones. Appreciate everything you have. Hug everyone. Kiss them. Perhaps perform oral sex on them. Thank you for a great 2011, and thank you in advance for even better 2012. And until next time, this is Adam Carolla for ball, Brian, Larry Miller, and Alison Rosen saying, Hey. It's Adam Carolla from The Adam Carolla Show. BetOnline is the world's most trusted betting platform and your number one source for online betting from the earliest odds to in game live betting. BetOnline provides you with all the action and the ability to watch and bet on games as they happen with the largest selection of odds on everything from football, NBA, college basketball as well. BetOnline has NHL, MMA, and championship boxing, all your betting needs in one place. Head to BetOnline today to get in on the action with America's most trusted site for online wagering. So have some fun. Make these games and these events and these combat sports a little more interesting with BetOnline. BetOnline, the game starts here. Alright. Those Adam Carolla show 725. These Ace Awards will help fill in a lot of the missing lore, props, guest appearances. A lot of stuff has happened over the last 15 years of the Adam Carolla show, let alone the 3 years of the radio show prior to that, all 7 150 episodes of the radio show. We have almost 4,000 episodes of the podcast now. And to keep track all this stuff, you have to be me. So that's why we have these ACE Awards and that's why we get to play them again for you to give you a little refresher for all the new listeners and long time listeners who may have gotten some of this stuff because, again, unless you're me, it's pretty hard to keep track of. Until next time, holler and get up.